This mustache was truly magnificent. Like a tentacle, each whisker leapt out at potential spectators, making easy prey of their gazes. And once they had captured, they were unwilling to let go.
Being the thick jungle of hair that it was, it was next to impossible to resist getting lost in said mustache. Merrily, one danced about its frizzly form, relishing its faint, vibrant motions. One was practically swept away by it. And from its staggering thickness, one would assume it would make an even better brush than the epaulettes its pony-attachment was wearing.
The rest of the mustache's pony-attachment was also something to look at: fierce coal-black eyes, carrying the memory of bravery and sacrifice, taut lips, or at least a lower lip not concealed by the mustache, never short of words of inspiration and honesty, and a graceful posture that couldn't be bent by the fires of Tartarus themselves.
He was most certainly a pony worth knowing. And the noose around his neck made for a great conversation starter.
Luna withdrew her eyes from the painting and turned to speak to her guards. “Excuse me, could you please tell me who this here stallion might be?”
Her words brought the two guardsponies right out of their trances, as they quickly abandoned their tasks of picking noses and counting cracks in the floor. Both were appropriately terrified and confused. “Excuse me, My Princess,” the one to her right said, “would you please repeat that?”
She looked at them sternly. “I asked of you who the pony depicted in this portrait is,” she repeated.
“Certainly!” the left guard said as he stepped up. “This is...” He squinted his eyes a little. “This is General Brickwall and he lived from 139–176 A.C. He was a renowned general. Very famous.”
Luna nodded in fascination before she returned her attention to the painting. As her gaze wandered south, she let out a snort. “You simply read the inscription beneath, didn't you?”
The guard backed off a single step. “No, Your Majesty. I simply know a lot about history. That's all.”
“Is that so.” She eyed him warily. “Then you can surely tell me where he was born.”
“Manehatten.”
“And where he died.”
“Baltimare.”
“And why he became famous.”
“Because he won many battles. He was a general after all.”
Silence followed suit. Wordlessly, Luna circled her prey, searching for the weak spot at which to throw her attack. The guard had not accepted his fate. He remained upright and confident, not breaking as much as a single sweat. Still, she knew she had him locked in a corner like a fish in a bowl and was only missing a single blow with which to catch him.
Luna attacked. “Why was he painted with a noose around his neck?”
“Because... he was hung,” the guard answered.
“In?”
“Baltimare.”
“For?”
“High treason.”
“Because?”
“He treasoned.”
She locked her eyes with his. Still no blinks, still no flinching. He had successfully evaded her blows and stood the test.
“Alright,” she said as she moved two steps to the right towards the next painting, making sure she'd block its inscription from view. “Then what can you tell me about the... pony depicted over here.” She pointed at what was unmistakably a stallion wearing a long blond wig, a glamorous, sparkling dress, and more makeup than was appropriate for any self-respecting mare.
“That's easy,” the guard replied. “He was a world-famous...” He stroked his chin with his hoof. “...cross-dresser?”
“Nonsense!” she exploded. “Insolent whelp! Through thy ignorance and hauteur, thou hast committed a most ferocious crime for which thou shalt be—”
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. All these breathing exercises with Princess Cadence couldn't have been for naught. No, she would take a moment to calm herself and then address the problem in a more appropriate fashion.
“You lying scum! With your deception, you have made a fool of both of us, and I for my part won't stand for it! If you won't admit to your devious lies, so the heavens help me, you will eat—”
“My Princess, if I may speak freely,” the guard to her right interrupted.
The three of them waited a long time, until all rhetoric had certainly passed. “You may,” Luna finally allowed.
“It is not our fault. Princess Celestia has given us very specific instructions that we should never leave any question of yours unanswered, no matter the circumstance. So, I'm afraid the two of us were only following orders.”
She looked at him perplexed. “And you interpret her order as her desire to lie to me at all cost?”
The right guard rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, she didn't say that per se, but she strongly implied it. She wanted us to make sure Your Majesty never felt foolish or left out.”
“Then I must say you have done a remarkably bad job, for I am feeling plenty foolish right now.” She stepped forward, right into the right guards face. “So you are suggesting my sister should answer for your dishonesty in your place?”
He gulped. “Of course not, Your Majesty! I would never suggest such a thing.”
She turned her back to them. “But she will do so anyway,” she decided as she started down the hall.
She was already a length away when the right guard stopped her. “My Princess,” he said, “Princess Celestia has also given us instructions not to leave your side.”
“Then don't,” she hissed as she led the way.
Moments later, she and company had reached the throne room and burst through the door with a loud: “Sister!”
Celestia looked at her curiously, but with unaltered composure. “Good day, dear sister,” she said. “Is there anything I can help you with?”
Luna opened her mouth to speak, but cut herself short. She looked to her right and spotted a couple of nobleponies. Apparently, she had barged in on some sort of forum, discussion, or negotiation, but it couldn't have been anything important, as otherwise she would have surely known about it. She chose to ignore it completely.
“Actually, there is,” she told her sister. “I would like to borrow a minute of your time.”
Celestia nodded friendlily in return and politely asked for the nobleponies to leave. After they did and only the Royal Guards remained, including Luna's private pair, she turned her full attention to her sister. “What is it, Luna?” she asked with a smile.
Luna looked back sternly and decided to cut right to the chase. “You deliberately ordered your guards to lie to me,” she accused.
It only fostered Celestia's smile. “I am fairly certain I did no such thing. I would presume there has been some kind of misunderstanding between the three of you?”
Luna didn't pick up on it. “So you claim you never commanded them to lie to me,” she pondered. “Nevertheless, the fact remains that they attempted to deceive their princess with their falsehood; one of the most heinous crimes imaginable.”
She looked back and forth between her guards and her sister. “So I would propose that their punishments consist of their immediate dismissal as my personal guards and their reassignment to their previous position, whichever those have been.” She had the tone of a defense attorney who had just brought about the decisive turnabout in a lost case through deductive reasoning. “As for me: I shall get back to my previous unguarded state and wander about the castle however I like, as has been the case for millennia past and will continue to be for ages to come.”
Celestia's response was immediate and absolute. “No!”
“Why not?” Luna asked, anger growing in her voice.
“Because we both agreed not to interfere with the responsibilities of the Royal Guards in matters of security anymore. Besides, I have never had the chance to hear their side of the story.” Celestia gestured for the two guards in question to step up and they did. “Please, speak up, my little ponies. Has my sister given you a chance to explain yourselves?”
The left guard remained as stiff as his own upper lip. He wasn't going to say anything soon, putting all the more pressure on the right one. The right's brow was visibly drenched in sweat as his eyes shifted back and forth between the two princesses. “Well, um... she definitely didn't not give us the chance to explain ourselves, but...”
He held his breath, desperately looking for a save. “But I think we'd like the chance to explain ourselves again.”
Celestia smiled down on him. Luna wasn't so kind. “Very well,” the former said. “You shall have your chance right now.”
The right guard swallowed hard. “It all happened like this: as per our duty, we were escorting Princess Luna along the castle grounds, when she happened to stumble upon a portrait that sparked her interest. In order not to upset her—”
“Lies!” Luna interrupted. “Nothing but lies! It was entirely to upset me!”
“Please, Luna,” Celestia chided, “let him speak.” She shot the distressed guard a smile. “Please, do continue.”
He did just that. “As I was saying, we didn't want to upset her, although we have been unsuccessful in doing so. When she asked us a question about the aforementioned portrait, we tried to provide her with the knowledge we had, but I'm afraid it was too little to prove a sufficient answer.”
“You mocked me!” Luna shouted. “You mocked me, and then you lied to me, and then you mocked me by lying to me some more!”
“Is that true?” Celestia asked calmly. “Did the two of you lie to my sister?”
“Technically I didn't...” The right guard looked over to his left counterpart. Even if his brother-in-arms didn't do anything to help their case, he wouldn't just throw him to the wolves. “I suppose we did, but we didn't mean any harm. We only abode to our orders of answering all her questions so she won't feel left out, which we understood as...” He took a small break. “...not letting her feel left out.”
Celsetia laid her hoof on his shoulder to stop his shaking. It calmed him down severely. “That was not what I intended when I gave you those instructions. I only meant for you to guide her to a place whence she could get the answer. I would never want you to lie to my sister, for as you can surely tell by now, it upsets her significantly.”
She eyed both of them. “So, are we clear? No more lying to Princess Luna?”
“Absolutely!” To everypony's surprise, it was the left guard shouting as loudly as he could. “No lies! Got it!”
“And I think for what you did, you owe her an apology.”
“Yes, Your Majesty! We are sorry, Princess! Please forgive us!” both answered promptly.
Celestia turned towards her sister. “As you can see, sister, these two ponies here had no malicious intent when doing what they did. So there is no need to dismiss them as your guards, wouldn't you agree?”
The two guards held their breaths as they expectantly looked at Luna. They might have dodged the wrath of one infallible god-princess, but that didn't mean they would dodge another.
“Fair enough,” Luna said after a moment, with a grudge still audible. “Just make sure that it never happens again.”
She heard her guards release their breaths and turned to leave. To her, this was now over and done with. She'd simply write it off as a defeat and never speak of it again.
“What was the question?” Celestia asked the backside of her sister.
Luna turned around on the spot. “What?”
“The question your guards couldn't answer. What was it?”
Luna waved it away. “Like they said, it was merely something about a painting I had found in a castle hallway.”
“Show me.”
“What?”
“Show me. I'm fairly certain I can answer whatever questions you may have if you show me the painting.”
Luna looked at her sister speechlessly. Celestia still had that dumb smirk on her face, that calm, superior smile that almost forced her to say no. But that, Luna knew, was exactly what she'd expect her to do. “Alright, I will show you,” she finally decided as they disappeared in a bright flash.
And reappeared not a second later in the hallway. “This is the painting I was talking about,” Luna pointed out.
“Ah, I see,” Celestia said gleefully. “This is a painting of General Brickwall.”
“That much I was already able to inquire.”
“Then what is your question?”
“My question is this.” Luna took a moment to admire the painting before she continued: “Who was he? What did his fierce eyes of steel see in his lifetime. Whereto did his battle cry lead his dauntless soldiers. What did he achieve to be painted in such a grand and imposing way?” She restrained herself from dropping the word mustache along the way.
Celestia cleared her throat and began: “Brickwall was a general fighting many battles in the wars of the Great Southern Plains. He was tremendously successful, not only in that he won all his battles, but also doing so overwhelmingly, sometimes with not even a single documented casualty on his side. In fact, at some point he started to call himself 'Brickwall the Undefeated'.”
“A nickname tempting the fates, no doubt,” Luna pointed out. “I suppose at some point something was bound to break his lucky streak.”
“You are correct. It isn't for his seeming invincibility that he is known to this day. Most ponies remember him for a different reason. As he continued to become more and more successful, his arrogance got the better of him and he lead a campaign that ended in perhaps the most crushing defeat in Equestrian history, and his capture. It was then that he coined the famous phrase: 'I'd rather die than surrender, Tim!' ”
“Who was Tim?”
“Apparently one of the ponies captured along with him, to whom he talked right before he surrendered. And died.”
“He... But he...”
This was quite something to take in. Celestia once more proved her talent in leaving her sister flabbergasted. Luna quickly moved on to the other painting she had found. “What about this one? Who was... he.”
“That is a painting of Masked Mullet,” Celestia replied, “a famous actor of his time, who truly had the blood of a thespian.”
Luna scanned the effeminate stallion once more. “I see. That would explain the dress and the rest of his peculiar get up.”
Celestia chuckled to herself. “I guess it would seem this way, although I assume the artist depicted him this way for his political commitment and his struggle for the rights of cross-dressing ponies all over Equestria.”
“Cross-dresser...” Luna's mouth wouldn't form any more words. It just babbled on and on incoherently.
Celestia lovingly placed a hoof on Luna's shoulder. “You know, sister, I do not mind sharing my knowledge with you, but if you want to learn more about all the Equestrian history you have missed in your absence, you should spend a visit to the Canterlot Archives,” she advised. “I am certain I can't tell you anything you wouldn't find in a library.”
“Library...” Luna still didn't have much more mental capability than a talking potato.
“Now if that is all you wanted to know, I would like to return to the throne room. There is still some business I have to attend to.” When she didn't hear any objections, Celestia added: “Be seeing you, sister!”
“...seeing you...”
And with another flash she was gone, leaving behind Luna in her aphasic shock. Only when her guards turned the corner and sprinted towards her did she snap out of it.
“Princess!” the right guard shouted. “Please...”
He, like his partner, needed a few seconds to catch his breath. “Please don't run off like that. If you teleport, we have next to no chance of catching up to you.”
Luna looked at him and wordlessly led them to the library.
* * *
Celestia had been right: the Archives were a great place for research with an illimitable amount of knowledge on display. So much, in fact, that it was hard to find a first vantage point from which to start. Luna went with History Of Equestria – Ponies And Others, a simple reference book for ponies and members of other races of historical significance. Presumably, it would be perfect to get an overview. Once she'd find some ponies to pique her interest, she would further her studies on them with some more detailed books.
The only problem was there were simply too many ponies to choose from. There was Empty Barrel, a philosopher who decided to question the standards of society and endorse the true values of life by abandoning all luxury, except for a giant ceramic jar into which he moved. There was Soaring Spear, a warrior renowned for ridding the distant villages of the savannah of the dreaded pony-eating lion wizard of Tsavo. There was Impending Doom, a royal counselor who was an adviser to many kings, queens, princes, princesses, dukes, and duchesses, all of which were overthrown within a week of their meeting. All of them, she deemed, deserved to be looked into some more.
The entries were only one or two paragraphs long, three tops, but despite their brevity, they managed to whet Luna's appetite every time. Every deed was heroic, every action was courageous, and every character was admirable. And with recounts as vivid and ostentatious as these, it left her wondering what it would be like to have...
She looked up and scoured the room for possible sudden intruders. The only other ponies present were her guards, and they kept their distance, still waiting at the door. She was free to indulge in any nefarious activities she desired.
She knew it was vain. She knew it was petty. She knew it was downright narcissistic. But there was no way she could stop herself. She had another quick glance for any prying eyes before she turned the page to the letter 'L'.
Luminous Incandescence
Lupercalia
Lurking Shadow
No, there was apparently no entry for any Luna whatsoever. Although, maybe that wasn't the only way to go about this. Maybe she had to approach this from a different angle. She flipped the pages towards 'N'.
There was no entry there either. Something to be grateful for, she felt, but it still left her wondering. Had her rule in history really been so miniscule that she was undeserving of an entry of her own? Had she really never done anything as noteworthy as all these ponies she had read about? No, there had to be a place where she left her hoofprint in history. And then it came to her. She turned to chapter 'D'.
Discord:
A mischievous draconequus, who managed to conquer the entire world by chaotic magic unparalleled in the history of Equestria. His control stretched beyond the material world into the realms of the celestial bodies, the flow of time, and the rules of logic themselves.
His reign was marked by absolute capriciousness. Contrary to other absolute rulers of his time, he never demanded anything from his subjects, who he viewed as his personal playthings.
His rule came to a short end when he was turned into stone by the Elements of Harmony, wielded by Princess Celestia and...
“Accomplice!?” The book trembled in Luna's hooves. “This is how history remembers me!? As a nameless appendage to my sister!?”
The book went sailing through the air and was replaced with a new one. Clearly whatever publisher had dared to let this hackwork pass was a lone, incapable lunatic, who'd by now had led his company into inevitable ruin. Another, a real reference book was bound to have some account on her.
She had no entry in A History Of Equestrians. Nothing in Ponysonas In The Equestrian Timeline either. Even the obscurely named You're An Idiot, And You Should Have Learned About These Ponies A Long Time Ago had no mention of her whatsoever. She browsed all the shelves labeled 'L' and 'P', but none of the spines made any indication the books could be about her. There was something fishy going on and she would definitely get herself some answers.
“Sister!” she yelled for the second time today as she burst into the thrown room once more.
“Hello, sister!” Celestia answered with the same unbroken serenity from before. “What can I do for you.”
Luna got straight to the point. “Where am I?” she asked angrily.
“In the Canterlot throne room,” came Celestia's smiling response. “Although, I can't imagine that is what you meant.”
“I meant in the history books! Where is my place in the history of Equestria?”
Celestia gave the question a seconds worth of thought. “Have you checked under 'L'? Probably somewhere close to Lurking Shado—”
“I am serious!”
“And so am I. Any decent book on history should have your name in it at least a few times.”
“But it doesn't!” Luna insisted, stomping violently. “I checked multiple books. There isn't the slightest mention of me in any of them. Not a single word. In all of them, I am reduced to a mere nameless assistant.” She spat the last word with pure venom.
It left Celestia completely untouched. “I can't believe that. From the very first day we were appointed rulers of Equestria, we have always acted as a team. We even wielded the Elements of Harmony together. Everything we did bore both our names. Why, I have read at least a dozen accounts of our joint victory over King Sombra, just last...” In a brief moment of epiphany, it dawned on Celestia exactly how long she hadn't been in the history section of her own library. “...just last millennium. Maybe they're a little hidden, but they should still all be there.”
“Well, it seems my part in it all has been degraded ever since,” Luna snarled. “Whoever has been in charge of the history section of the Canterlot Archives in the last couple of centuries hasn't been much of an advocate of truth.”
“That is not true!” Celestia's usually calm demeanor was broken by the slightest hint of anger. “I have never appointed a curator carelessly. All of them have been renowned professors at my School for Gifted Unicorns before I even considered putting them in charge of our nation's most important archive.”
Celestia let the graveness of this statement sink in before she hastily added: “With one obvious exception, of course.”
Luna's ears perked up at the sound of this. “Then we have a culprit!” she announced. “I am sure this 'exception' of yours was severely unqualified and thought nothing of my place alongside yours in history.”
“I seriously doubt that.”
“And why would that be?”
Celestia gave her sister a slightly pained expression. “Because that exception was your former personal assistant, Curtsey.”
“My... assistant?”
A ray of enlightenment pierced the clouds of obliviousness that had fogged her memory. That's right, she remembered: a thousand years ago, she had had an assistant.
Of course, back then she had had quite the array of assistants and private servants. One of these had been Curtsey, her go-to maid, personal day planner, and handymare for all odd jobs coming up. In her memories, Luna was quite fond of her. She had always been friendly, efficient, reliable, a bit possessive at times, but most importantly, discrete enough to be easily completely forgotten about. In short, she had been the picture book definition of a fine assistant, which elicited a simple question from Luna: “How? How did she get to be a curator?”
Celestia was shifting back and forth uncomfortably, like a schoolfilly ill-prepared for her presentation – something Luna had never seen from her sister before. “It was simply that, shortly after the time of your... departure, the previous curator retired from business. There were a few viable candidates at the time, but none of them were truly outstanding. When Curtsey then applied for the position, I felt somewhat obliged to give it to her, since I had been directly responsible for... the vacancy of her previous position.
“So you see why I can not believe that it was a curator's doing,” Celestia quickly continued. “I'm sure it was simple happenstance. If you search a little more thoroughly, I am sure you will come upon many books that honor your memory a little more explicitly.”
“Perhaps your right. Perhaps a more extensive search will bring forth something proper. If you need me, I'll be in the library for the rest of the day.”
Luna's affirmation seemed to put Celestia right back at ease and they bid each other farewell. She picked up her guards at the door and quickly returned to the library.
Before she entered through the door, however, she turned to the guards on her left and right and pierced them with a stare. “May I ask something of you,” she demanded.
“Of course you may, Princess,” they replied.
She pointed back to the hallway. “I will need you to go to the kitchen and fetch me a few things. Some coffee and fruit snacks will do for the moment, but I might require some more after that. I'm afraid this is going to be a long study session ahead of me.”
* * *
Luna downed cup number eight. Or was it number nine? She had lost count of about everything at seventy books and four cups of coffee.
One thing she was sure of though: this amount had at least doubled by now. She had endured no less than one hundred and forty failures in locating her name. Things grew more and more unaccountable, and simultaneously, so did she.
She hated them. She hated them all for being so hateworthy. But most off all, she hated the dozens of biographies on her sister. All of them were accurate to ten decimal places. All of them knew the date, place, and even time of her birth. They recounted all the steps, essential and unessential, in her campaigns to defeat Discord. One of them even put down her date of death, as predicted by the prophecies of one Nagstradamus. They only omitted one very small detail: the fact that she had been born with a little sister.
Time and time again had she extended her search radius. Time and time again had she included ponies, events, and locations she had only brushed in her lifetime, on the off-chance that it might be the one thing her connection to which had not been eradicated from history.
Book number one-hundred forty-one and then some fell to the floor next to its predecessors. She had refused to put any of them back into place before she found at least a single mention of her name. Before she did, she figured, the chore would be simply too depressing.
She turned to the next book on the table. The Mare In The Moon And Other Old Mare's Tales. She reconsidered. She had originally grabbed it because Mare in the Moon somewhat sounded like it would relate to the situation of her thousand-year indisposition, but right now, it sounded simply too far-fetched. But she wasn't going to put it back anyway, so she decided to give it a shot nonetheless.
Once upon a time, in the magical land of Equestria, there were two regal sisters who ruled together, and created harmony for all the land. To do this, the eldest used her unicorn powers to raise the sun at dawn; the younger brought out the moon to begin the night. Thus, the two sisters maintained balance for their kingdom and their subjects, all the different types of ponies.
But as time went on, the younger sister became resentful. The ponies relished and played in the day her elder sister brought forth, but shunned and slept through her beautiful night. One fateful day, the younger unicorn refused to lower the moon to make way for the dawn. The elder sister tried to reason with her, but the bitterness in the young one's heart had transformed her into a wicked mare of darkness: Nightmare Moon.
She vowed that she would shroud the land in eternal night. Reluctantly, the elder sister harnessed the most powerful magic known to ponydom: the Elements of Harmony. Using the magic of the Elements of Harmony, she defeated her younger sister, and banished her permanently in the moon.
The elder sister took on responsibility for both sun and moon and harmony has been maintained in Equestria for generations since.
She was unable to tear herself away from it. She reread it, then re-reread it, and re-reread it once more. There was no doubt about it. This was her. This was her mark in history. This was what Luna, aka Nightmare Moon, was remembered by by the ponies of this day and age.
“The villainess in a lousy, crummy, two-bit fillies' bedtime story!?”
It was exasperating to a point of uncontrol.
The infuriating storybook was the first to be swept up by her magic, but it sure wasn't the last. In a long chain, they spiraled upwards to the roof, where they were caught in a giant hard cover swirl that was running faster and faster as it grew larger and larger.
The rustling of hundreds of loose pages filled the room, their crackling the overture to the upcoming thunderstorm. All these books had committed atrocities and for that they would receive the cruelest of penalties. Her righteous fury would rain swift vengeance down upon them. Or was it her swift fury raining down righteous vengeance? It didn't matter. It was going to be something swift, something righteous, and above all, something very, very painful.
What their punishment would be, Luna didn't know yet. So far, no book had ever dared to defy her. But whatever it was, she would make sure it would be crushing, and a definite warning to all future books which would consider doing the same.
And for that, one collective punishment wouldn't be enough. No, for this they all deserved an individual sentence, specifically designed to give Tartarus to each and every last one of them. And she would start with the tome right above her head, the one with the title Coffee Recipes Of Centuries Past. It would be the first to suffer the full extent of her wrath. It would be the first to...
At once, Luna let go off all the other books. What was this one doing along all the others? Had she selected it? Why would she do such a thing? She racked her brain for an answer.
There was a story concerning coffee in her past. Once, there was a band of rapscallions that figured if they only drank enough coffee, they would stay up long enough for an exhausted, dreamless sleep, in which they wouldn't have to face the nightmares Luna had prepared for them, which would help them grow into better ponies.
The problem eventually became big enough to warrant her intervention. She challenged the greatest chefs of Equestria to come up with a new coffee recipe, one that would use a trick to force ponies into a belated, but deeper-than-regular slumber, thereby giving her ample time to deal with these misdemeanants once and for all.
One chef was able to succeed eventually, and once she had taken care of the problem, he was highly rewarded for it. She thought the book might have an honorary mention of her for the contest she initiated.
But she couldn't, for the life of herself, figure out what its name used to be. She though it had been a terrible pun, along the lines of “A Heavy Doze Off Caffeine”, but only ten times worse. It was no use; she would have to go through all of them, one by one, starting immediately.
Arabica Assault.
A fabled type of coffee originating from Saddle Arabia.
For centuries, the brewing process has been transferred orally from generation to generation and kept well hidden from foreign influences, until in 806 A.C., when famous entrepreneur Doubles Pennyworth bought the recipe off one of the native families and introduced it to Equestria.
Aficionados value the coffee for its enticing flavor, its excruciating bitterness, and its enormous caffeine content. Allegedly, it is so strong, it is literally able to wake the dead.
Luna closed the book. This coffee seemed to be exactly what she needed. It might be the one thing that could give her the kick necessary to continue working on deconstructing her ominous vanishing. And if that last sentence was true, she had just gotten a new angle on the problem.
“Soon, my precious. It is almost time. Soon we will go and finally get our answers,” Luna said as she gingerly caressed the thermos the same way one would caress the belly of a soon-to-be mother. The aluminum container also held the gift of life; this, Luna was sure of.
Almost time it was indeed. She had raised the moon hours ago. Or maybe it had only been a few minutes; it was hard for her to tell. By now, she had given up on counting time simply in units of clock-hand revolutions and had opted for the simpler method of counting cups of coffees consumed instead. By that measure, time was moving forward at a rapid pace.
She tenderly placed the thermos on the ground and slowly ran the tip of her hoof on its side.
“You really are a beauty, aren't you?”
The only answer she received was her distorted face staring back at her, grinning a conspicuous grin. It had conceived the exact same plan as herself.
“I know I shouldn't. I really shouldn't. But I can't resist any more! Please forgive me.”
She grabbed the thermos and quickly unscrewed the cap, before filling it with coffee and greedily drinking up. She screwed the top back on and carelessly threw the now empty vessel to the side, landing right next to its two predecessors. Fortunately, she had still kept two more of them in reserve she could fall back on. But at the same time it meant she would have to be on the move pretty soon; otherwise her clandestine venture might come to an end before she had a chance to utilize the freshly-brewed coffee for its intended purpose.
She walked up to the door and opened it a crack. As expected, there was nopony in the long hallway. Even those pesky guards who were assigned to stalk her around the clock needed their sleep and when she had told them she would retire to her room after raising the moon, they had believed her gullibly.
Still, she'd rather be safe than sorry and, the two thermoses tucked into her saddle bags, she decided to jump out the window instead. She flew along the castle walls until she had rounded the entire structure, and within a matter of seconds, she had left the castle grounds and was flying over the city.
The cold night air brushed her sides as Luna nose-dived towards the streets of Canterlot. It was an invigorating cold that made her feel alive, perfect for a night like this.
And it was truly a wonderful night, one of those which, even if all her subjects were awake, they could never fully appreciate. They were all sound asleep in their beds, all lights extinguished, completely oblivious to the wonders across the sky that were passing by their window side. Maybe for the better, Luna deemed, as hers was an operation that demanded peace and quiet and darkness. She scanned her surroundings and lowered herself another story.
She was immediately hit by a neon light beam. Grievously wounded, she fell to the ground a giant cloud of dust that quickly gathered more and more bystanders. Once the smoke had cleared, she needed only a moment to assess just how much attention her little crash had drawn and quickly teleported into a nearby dark back alley.
Luna's heart was beating like a jackhammer. No matter how she looked at it, she couldn't piece together what had just happened. Were the changelings attacking with some sort of blinding ray technology? Or had her guards tracked her down and used a devious method of making sure they could keep up with her? She carefully peeked around the corner.
There stood her attacker, out in the open: a neon sign reading '24 Hours Tattoos'. It wasn't alone. It stood in a sea of other lights, bathing the city in all colors of the rainbow. If the magic in her horn wouldn't have told her otherwise, Luna could have sworn her sister had decided to raise the sun early today.
And with the lights came the noise. Such an incredible amount of noise. Even during its busiest hours, the castle never quite managed to generate this level of it. Even when she covered her ears, the sound waves of a nearby bass speaker were shaking her entire body.
But most amazing of all was the amount of ponies out on the streets. They were roaming the streets by the dozens, entering a multitude of bars, clubs, and even the tattoo parlor that had so violently assaulted her. It left Luna absolutely speechless.
Although it didn't leave them speechless. “...Princess Luna...” they were calling out to her, faintly, yet unmistakably. “...Princess Luna...” over and over again. They were asking for her. They wanted her with them. She had permission to join their festivities.
“Excuse me, Princess Luna?”
This time the voice came with a little tap to her flank. She quickly turned around to find it coming from a cream-colored mare half a pony-length away from her.
Luna came just a little bit closer.“What is it, my little pony?” she asked, trying to give the mare her best make deers lick salt from her hooves-smile – a necessary measure considering the mare was cowering before her like a timid fawn.
After a few moments, the mare stood up, almost straight. “It's just...” She heavily fidgeting with her forelegs. “I don't know how to put this, but... c-could I get back my picnic basket?”
Luna stared at her, baffled. “What?”
Without a word, the mare pointed at Luna's right hindleg, blushing beat red. Looking down, Luna found a lovely wicker basket, with a red-white checkered blanket poking out on one end. Apparently, she had stepped in it when she teleported into the ally – one of the inadvertent side effects of blindly and aimlessly teleporting about.
“I'm sorry,” Luna said, immediately removing the basket and levitating it over. “It was an unfortunate accident. I didn't look where I was going. Hopefully I didn't damage anything.”
The mare grabbed the basket with her right hoof and quickly went through the contents with the other. “N-no, it's quite alright. I like my sandwiches a bit squished.” She uncovered the remnants of a daffodil and daisy sandwich. “And in pieces...”
“Well that won't do,” Luna said. “Seems to me like you need some new sandwiches. And seeing as I'm the one responsible for your loss, it is my responsibility to make amends.”
The cream-colored mare looked back up in shock. “Oh, no, Princess,” she hastily replied. “That won't be necessary. I'm not that hungry anyway. And besides, I'm sure you have more important things to do.”
Luna waved it off. “Nonsense! There is nothing more important in the Lunar Code of Conduct than the reparation of a debt, no matter how it was obtained.” She glance around the busy street behind her. “Now, do you happen to know if there is some sort of sandwich shop where we could obtain any?”
“I'm afraid there isn't, Princess,” the mare said. “Not at this time of night, anyway. I'm telling you, it's not a big deal. I made those sandwiches myself, so it's no loss at all. You really don't have to trouble yourself with any of this.”
“Made them yourself, you say...” Luna pondered the idea for a bit. “That's it! If all else fails, we can simply go to the kitchen in Canterlot Castle. I'll just wake the head chef and he'll show me how to make some.”
“N-no that really won't be necessary.”
“I insist.” Grabbing the mare by her left foreleg, Luna started to drag her towards the street. “It won't be any trouble at all.”
They were halfway down the alley before the mare could voice any protest. “Wait!”
Luna slowed down immediately, waiting for what she had to say.
The mare started with a sigh. “There might be an alternative,” she said softly. “There's an all-night burger grill not too far from here. I mean, it's technically not sandwiches, but I don't mind, and if you don't mind, it would be a lot closer and a lot easier I think.”
Luna was beaming from ear to ear. “Of course I don't mind. It sounds delicious,” she said, yanking the cream-colored mare once more and shoving her out into the streets. “Lead the way. The quicker we get there, the better.”
The mare shot one pleading glance backwards, but Luna had already moved up beside her. Hanging her head for the shortest moment, the mare lead the way.
For Luna meanwhile started a sightseeing tour like none other, getting to see everything up close she had only been able to glance at from the alley. She had seen these streets before, countless times in fact, but now they had transformed from a plain static cocoon into a lively, multicolored neon butterfly. Every shop had a little sign in it, demanding her to drink this or wear that or save one percent per year of life on spectacle frames (which would be a very sweet deal for Luna in case she ever needed glasses). She wouldn't have the time to try all of it in one night.
She turned to the mare beside “Say—” she began, but cut herself short. “I never asked you your name, did I?”
“No, you didn't,” the mare replied, blushing slightly. “But it's quite alright, Princess. I don't mind. I'm not offended.” More as an afterthought she added: “It's Bon Bon, by the way.”
Luna began anew: “Say, Bon Bon, is it always this lively around here? Or is this some kind of special occasion that has the ponies cavorting all through the night?”
“Well, not always,” Bon Bon replied, turning her head to the much larger alicorn. “It's much more quiet on weekdays, but for a Friday, this is pretty normal.”
Fridays. Luna concluded they should receive a special place in the Royal Schedule as a time of nightly exploration and fun. She would put it into her day planner first thing coming back to the castle.
Bon Bon interrupted her thoughts. “We're here by the way,” she said, pointing to a small shop in front of them. “This is the burger joint I was talking about.”
“Then let's dig right in, shall we?” Luna said, walking right up to the counter.
The stallion behind the counter greeted her casually: “Welcome to Curd's Burgers. How can I help—” He almost screamed when he actually laid eyes on his customer for the first time. “Holy crap! It's Princess—”
He was interrupted by a slap to the back of his head. “Did you just say 'holy crap' in front of a princess of Equestria!?” the slapper chided.” To the back with you, you layabout. Go cut up some more buns.”
The slappee obliged without a word of protest. Only when he was gone did the other stallion turn to Luna. “Excuse my good-for-nothing son-in-law. He was born in a cave and adopted the local manners. Now, let me just say that I'm honored by your visit and that I will do anything to make your experience at Curd's Burger as pleasurable as can be. So, what can I get you, Your Highness?”
“Let's see...” She quickly went over the many colorful pictures. They all looked invitingly succulent. It was impossible to choose just one.
“I don't know.” She turned to Bon Bon. “You've been here before, haven't you? Why don't you just pick something and I'll take the same.”
“A-alright, let's do that,” Bon Bon said, more sneaking than walking up to the counter. “I'll have two large hayburgers. One with extra pickles.”
“And I'll have the same,” Luna decided.
“Certainly,” said the stallion behind the counter. “They'll be done in three minutes.”
Three minutes later, the two of them picked up their order and took them to one of the nearby tables. Luna eyed her hayburger carefully. “This doesn't look like the picture at all,” she observed.
“They never do,” Bon Bon said. “But don't let that fool you. I can assure you, they're absolutely delicious.”
It wasn't too reassuring. Luna went back to her burger, picking it up and carefully balancing it in her hoof. She sniffed it, deeming it non-toxic. Hesitantly, she took the teensiest bite.
Immediately her eyes went wide. She removed the top bun and looked at the seasoned haypatty below, before she licked it off.
“What's that red stuff?” she asked Bon Bon.
“It's ketchup.”
“Ketchup, you say.” Luna put her burger back together, taking a big bite out of it. “I could have sworn it was ambrosia.”
Bon Bon smiled at her weakly. “If you like it that much, here's some more,” she said hoofing Luna the complementary ketchup bottle on the table.
Luna's eyes went even wider. “You mean I can have as much as I like? I could empty the bottle onto it?”
“Sure you can. But I have to wonder: don't you have any ketchup inside the castle?”
“We do have some condiments...” Luna thought back to one time her and her sister were served pea soup for lunch and she asked for some salt. The cook responsible ran down to the kitchen crying, locking himself in the larder, refusing to come out for twelve hours straight. When it came down to it, the chefs employed at Canterlot Castle were a surprisingly sensitive bunch. “...but it's best not to use them.”
Although that rule didn't apply here. She emptied half the bottle onto her burger and gobbled it down in a matter of seconds. She was still savoring the taste when she looked over to Bon Bon and noticed something peculiar.
“Aren't you going to eat yours?” she asked.
“Not right now,” Bon Bon replied, wrapping up her meal and putting it into her basket. “A friend of mine is organizing this event and I promised I'd bring her a snack before it is over. Hence the picnic basket.”
“I see,” said Luna through a mouthful of ketchup with burger. “What kind of event is she organizing?”
“They call it 'Singing And Dancing The Night Away',” Bon Bon said enthusiastically. “It's this thing were they provide instruments for anypony to pick up and try them out. There's professional musicians around to guide and help them, so nopony is helplessly lost. The goal is to get ponies into musical instruments and of course enjoy themselves all the way until the sun is up. But of course it isn't just about trying new things; there's a designated area where more advanced ponies can jam together and everypony is encouraged to dance and sing along.”
“Where is it?” Luna asked, wiping her face after having finished her eating.
“Platinum Park in Rumpton.”
“Rumpton!?” Luna grinned excitedly. “That's on my way! Would you mind if I come along?”
Bon Bon's eyes shrunk to the size of pinpricks. “O-of course not, Princess. I'm sure they would be honored to have you.”
“Great! Just let me throw away these paper plates and let us be on our way.”
Bon Bon waited patiently, and once Luna had come back, she was again the one leading the way. Although this time around, Princess Luna paid less attention to her surroundings and more attention to her company.
She looked over Bon Bon carefully. “This event you were talking about – Singing And Dancing The Night Away – that is really important to your friend, isn't it?”
“You could say that,” Bon Bon said. “She was certainly excited and kept talking about it the past two weeks.”
Luna flattened her ears against the back of her head. “Could it be that she said something about wanting you by her side?”
Bon Bon responded with a smile. “Oh, don't worry about that. I've already been. I only went back to fetch the two of us a little something to eat, which—” She turned her head away slightly. “—turned out to take a little more time than I expected.”
Instantly, Luna hung her head. “So I've been holding you up this whole time, haven't I?”
“No, of course not.” Bon Bon giggled a little. “Well, technically yes, but it’s nothing to worry about. It was nice to spend some time with Lyra and see her this happy, but she was busy with the music anyway. I think she'll hardly notice I was gone this long.”
“In any case, I sincerely apologize for the hold up. I never intended to—Heavens and earth! What is that building over there?”
“Which one?”
“The big one with all the ponies waiting in front.” There was a long line of more than a hundred ponies standing where Luna was pointing to.
“You mean the Bitlodeon? That's just a cinema. A pretty old one I think,” Bon Bon explained.
“If so many ponies are waiting on it, it must be something good. We should go inside and check—” Luna looked her companion in the eye. “Although on second thought, we probably shouldn't. No more interruptions.”
Bon Bon giggled some more. “We can spare a few minutes, I think.”
“Great! Then let's make it quick.” Before she finished her sentence, Luna was already sprinting for the front door, not understanding a word of what Bon Bon was shouting after her. There was a side door right next to the line, which all the waiting ponies completely ignored. What Luna found when she burst through the door was certainly surprising.
“This is rather underwhelming,” she said. “I expected something a little more exciting if it had so many ponies waiting in front of it.”
“That is because this is only the lobby,” Bon Bon said, having barely caught up. “You have to go inside the theater to see the actual movie.”
Luna turned around in surprise. “This is some sort of theater?”
“Kind of. But you need a ticket to get in. And like I was trying to tell you, waiting to get one will take forever.” Bon Bon pointed to the long line of ponies only slowly advancing forward.
Luna frowned. “And there I was already getting excited. I would have really liked to know what these modern theaters are like.”
“Excuse me, Princess Luna?”
The two of them needed a moment before they found the source of the voice. It came from an usher hiding behind one of the doors opened a crack. She motioned for them to come over.
“I'm sorry, but I've overheard your conversation,” the usher said. “If you just want a short glimpse without having to wait in line for a ticket, I can probably sneak you in. The film is almost over anyway. So if you want...”
“Do we!?” said Luna.
“Then come right this way.”
They turned two corners in complete darkness, until they had reached the seating are. There Luna saw the silver screen for the first time in her life. She was immediately captivated by the fictional world before her.
For a few moments, she remained completely motionless, with no visible awareness of her surroundings. Then she broke into a chuckle so loud, it could only be appropriately referred to as the Royal Canterlot Chortle.
“Did you see that!?” she asked Bon Bon once she had calmed down a little. “That pie hit him square in the face! A pie! In the face! Are all movies this brilliant?”
Bon Bon didn't have any time to answer. Luna's little outburst had drawn the attention of every last member of the audience and they had formed an impassable confluence all around her. Many of them had started to formally bow.
It was all so much, Luna had no idea how to react to any of it. “Hi everypony,” she said, hoping it would lead somewhere, anywhere really.
“Hi Princess Luna!” the crowd replied. Their eyes were glued to her the same way they were to the screen moments before. Meanwhile, the movie continued to run unnoticed.
Luna looked about the countless faces. “What can I do for you?” she asked.
Most of the crowd answered with simply more gawking. Only one member had the courage to step up and make his request heard. “Would you sign your autograph for me?” he asked. “I have a quill with me you can use. Just sign right here on the movie ticket.”
The crowd shifted its gaze, first on the inquirer, then back to Luna.
“Sure,” replied Luna with a smile. She was met with cheers by the crowd, everypony joining in on the request and asking for an autograph of their own. No sooner had she signed the original inquirer's ticket, when there were already three others under her nose.
She had signed about a dozen of them, when her eyes, roaming about in search of whose to sign next, spotted Bon Bon in the back, trying to grab her attention for quite some time now. But whatever Bon Bon was trying to say Luna couldn't hear over the noise the crowd was making. Luna simply nodded to her, hoping it wouldn't be anything too important. Bon Bon seemed content with that, as she returned a smile before she walked off to the side. In the meantime, many more tickets had appeared in front of Luna's face.
More than a hundred signings and a developing carpal tunnel syndrome later, Luna gave the last ticket back to the last pony, who instantly trotted off, jumping for joy. She let out a sigh now that she was finally free again.
“So Bon Bon, what was it that you wanted?” was the first thing she said. She didn't receive any answer. “Bon Bon?” she asked into the emptying theater, but the mare in question was nowhere to be found.
Luna ran out into the lobby. “Bon Bon!?” she shouted again and again into every corner of the room full of ponies, but the result was always the same. It became evident that Bon Bon had left the premises.
Fortunately, Luna knew where to and immediately left the building. “Excuse me, my little pony,” she asked the first passerby she found on the street. “Can you tell me which way Platinum Park is?”
“Princess Luna!” The passerby was flabbergasted for a moment but soon found his words again. “Sure thing. It's down the street, then the third street to the right and a five-minute walk from there.
“Thanks,” Luna said as she darted off towards where the passerby had pointed.
She made the five-minute walk in less than one, fast enough to catch Bon Bon as she entered the park. Surprising to her, once she had caught up, Luna was met with a big smile.
“Done already?” Bon Bon asked. “I thought you'd take longer.”
“No,” said Luna with a slight delay, “I finished fairly quickly. But I must say, I'm a little confused. Why did you leave me alone?”
Bon Bon cocked her head. “I didn't want the hayburgers to get cold, so I went on ahead. But you said you were fine with it and that you would catch up.”
“It may be possible that I didn't catch everything you said. Or anything, for that matter.”
Bon Bon giggled. “I guess it doesn't matter, since we're here anyway. Listen; you can hear them already.”
Luna pricked up her ears. There were only a few isolated notes audible at their distance, but as they came closer and closer, these notes soon merged into a full melody.
Luna was delighted. “I know this one!” she told Bon Bon excitedly. Without a moment's hesitation, she ran towards the source of the music, finding a gazebo with a dozen ponies making music inside and several dozen more in front, singing, dancing, and having fun. She danced right into the middle of it all. Taking the thermos from her saddlebag and shaking it like a rainstick, she bawled the lyrics to the familiar song:
“You put your left hoof up-up,
And put your right hoof on top,
You spin around and don't stop,
That's how you do the Pandeponyum Polka.
You put your right hoof down-down
And move your croup to the sound
And once again spin round-round
To dance what's called the Pandeponyum Polka.
And should you trip and fall-fall,
It doesn't matter at all,
Then on the ground you'll crawl-crawl
Some other form of Pandeponyum Polka.
To everypony's surprise
You laugh it off and rise-rise
Cause such a silly demise
Can't stop you from the Pandeponyum Polka.
And don't you mind the scoff-scoff,
Just brush that dirt right off-off,
Because when push comes to shove
You always have the Pandeponyum Polka.
And if you're feeling alive,
As you continue to jive,
You know you'll always survive
The dance that's called the Pandeponyum Polka.”
When the music stopped and Luna left her trance, Luna found herself the center of attention, everypony around her cheering her on. She awkwardly waved to her admirers, which fired them up even more.
Bon Bon rushed over to her side. “That was amazing!” she said. “I've never seen anypony dance like that.”
Luna blushed. “It was nothing, really. I just let that invigorating rhythm take me over, and that was that.”
“Bon Bon!”
They both turned around. The voice belonged to a mint-green mare rapidly approaching them through the dissipating crowd. “Bon Bon,” she said, “you never told me you know Princess Luna.”
“I didn't,” said Bon Bon. “Not until earlier tonight, that is.” She turned to Luna. “Princess Luna, this is my friend Lyra.”
“Pleased to meet you,” said Luna.
Lyra stared at her in pure amazement. “That was an incredible show,” she said after a moment. “Did you just improvise all that, right here on the spot?”
“You mean the Pandeponyum Polka? I'm afraid I picked up that tune when it first came out. That must have been... more than a millennium ago I think. It was rather popular during its time.”
“I bet it was,” Lyra said. “Oh, I have so many questions for you. What about the—”
“Can't that wait?” Bon Bon whined. “We still haven't eaten and I'm starving. Let's just find a good spot and finish our hayburgers there. I'm sure Princess Luna will join us. You can ask her all the questions you want then.”
Luna nodded.
“Hayburgers? Didn't you say you'd bring—” Lyra was interrupted by the growling of her stomach. “I guess you're right; we should eat. After all, it's only 2 a.m. We still have some four hours to go.”
Luna jumped in shock. “2 a.m.!? Already!?” She stuffed her thermos back into her saddlebag and strapped it on tightly. “I'm sorry, but I have to go.” Without leaving Bon Bon or Lyra any time to say goodbye, she took off into the night sky.
The evening had been fun so far, but Luna didn't go out to have fun. She went out to fulfill a plan, and her plan was one that demanded the darkness of night. If she didn't hurry, she'd have to postpone it indefinitely, hoping another opportunity would come up soon. That was not an option.
Her destination was her and her sister's old castle deep inside what was now the Everfree Forest, or more specifically, its former burial site. She could spot the old crypt miles ahead from the sky. It was were it had always been; right behind the west wing. She landed right in front. Despite not looking its best anymore, time had been more kind to it than to the rest of the castle. After all, it wasn't a place build for the living. These were places built to last.
Luna climbed down the steps to the catacombs below, her trusted luminescence spell leading the way. She faced a labyrinth of long, winding corridors stuffed with countless tombs. She had to check each one of them individually, as there was no clear system behind their placement. It took her almost an hour until she finally found the one she was looking for.
It was a tomb like all the others: a plain stone sarcophagus let into a cavity in the wall. Its only distinguishing feature was the small plaque at the front.
Here lies
Curtsey
Curator of the Canterlot Archives
Dedicated Servant to the Crown
Luna put down her saddlebag and took out the thermos. “I don't know if you would be okay with this, Curtsey. I'm sorry if you're not, but I need a couple of answers.” she said as she unscrewed the top of the thermos. “I really hope this works.”
She dipped her hoof into the thermos and sprinkled drops of coffee all over the plaque, watching them slowly trickle down. Dissatisfied with the result, she started to recite random incantations in the Neighsite language she had picked up from her old court necromancer a thousand years ago.
“Lauschet auf, ihr finst'ren Mächte,
Die ihr seid des Todes Meister.
Ich, die Königin der Nächte,
richte mich an euch, ihr Geister.
Euch stell ich die Bitte,
Geister ohne Glück,
Schickt aus eurer Mitte
Diesen hier zurück.”
She sprayed some more coffee onto the tomb.
“Sollst nun leben,
Alte Seele!
Die Befehle
Hier zu Ruhen
Sind nicht die, die ich gegeben.
Musst es nun nicht länger tuen.”
She paused for a moment. There was no sign that any of it was having an effect. The coffee simply lay in little driblets on the tomb and on the ground. If any of it was going to have a chance at working, Luna would have to take it up a notch. This time, she filled the entire thermos cap and poured it on top while shouting her words.
“Ignoriere nicht mein Flehen.
Bist du lieber eine Leiche?
Seele, du sollst auferstehen,
Aus dem fernen Totenreiche.
Hol dir nun das deine,
Das auf Erden ruht.
Seele, jetzt erscheine
Hier in Fleisch und Blut.”
In a fit of desperation, she took the entire thermos and emptied it on top of the sarcophagus.
“Grabe, grabe,
Klimm' die Stufe,
Dass die Hufe
Boden greifen
Und erneut in vollem Trabe
Über diese Erde streifen.”
Still nothing happened. A feeling of complete and utter shame at her failure arose in Luna. She didn't know what exactly she had expected, but it certainly had been something other than nothing, for which she felt all the more silly. With her head hanging, she quickly wiped off any coffee stains and left the catacombs. Back on the surface, she hugged the shadows all the way back to Canterlot.
She didn't want anypony to see her. She didn't want to see anypony. She just wanted to conceal herself and forget about her silly little idea. Once she had reached her room and hid herself under the blankets, she lowered the moon a few minutes early. Before the sun had come up, she was already asleep.
