Gamer Moms are a Myth!

by pokeking95

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Original Character, Button Mash, Comedy
Length: 2981

Gamer moms do not exist. Everypony knows that. Button Mash knows that. However, perhaps he'll make an interesting discovery today.

Gamer moms do not exist. Everypony knows that. Button Mash knows that. However, perhaps he'll make an interesting discovery today.

Published 2013-10-11 08:20:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-10-11 08:20:03 UTC

They are a Myth, Right?

Celestia’s sun hung just past its zenith in the clear, cloudless sky. A gentle breeze whispered through the town, maintaining a pleasant coolness characteristic of the approaching autumn season. Ponies bustled in the streets going through their day-to-day business, keeping the little rustic town alive. It was beautiful, certainly befitting of the picturesque community of Ponyville.

A low ringing sound echoed in one part of the town. It was a bell, signifying the end of the day for Ponyville Elementary School. Soon enough, little foals came scampering out of the small red schoolhouse, eager to get away from the dull monotony of school and into the waiting arms of the weekend.

The voice of the schoolteacher, Cheerilee, called out from inside: “Remember to do your homework, my little ponies, and have a great weekend!”

Some of the foals acknowledged her with a “Bye, Ms. Cheerilee!” but most of them were all too excited about what all the kinds of fun they would have this weekend to say goodbye back. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon were chatting animatedly about all the shopping they would do, while Dinky Hooves and Ruby Pinch were ecstatic about their upcoming sleepover, and Rumble, Featherweight, and Pipsqueak could not wait to do their “colt stuff that fillies wouldn’t understand,” as they put it.

The last four foals to exit the schoolhouse consisted of Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo—the self-proclaimed Cutie Mark Crusaders—and Button Mash, a dark brown colt with a love for video games. He had no cutie mark, but he did have his iconic propeller cap. The Crusaders had quickly become friends with Button before the school year even started, and hoped to induct him into their group one day.

“Are ya sure ya can’t come crusadin’ with us? It’s a beautiful day to earn our cutie marks!” said Apple Bloom, her country accent as thick as ever.

“Sorry, girls, but I’m still grounded,” grumbled Button.

Why did it have to be a whole week? That’s a long time to be grounded! Oh well, I’m not even all that interested in earning my cutie mark anyway, he thought.

“Well, you shouldn’t have stayed up all night playing video games right before school started!” squeaked Sweetie Belle.

“Hey, saving the village of Gumbai from the Alixes of Humgohia was way more important than school!” defended Button vehemently.

“Pssh, video games are lame. Why can’t colts do anything cool like Rainbow Dash?” Scootaloo interjected, shaking her head. "Besides, it’d be awesome if we could get more members for the Crusaders this year!"

Recovering from the fact that Scootaloo used the word "lame" to describe the greatest invention to grace ponykind, Button retorted, "I do plenty of cool things!" He turned to the white unicorn filly, “Remember that milkshake race, Sweetie Belle?

Sweetie Belle had the most deadpan look on her face as she simply uttered, “Uh-huh.”

Seeing that, Button could only chuckle nervously, and he quickly changed the subject. “Anyway, I really gotta get home. My mom’ll kill me if I stay out too long.”

“Okay…” the three fillies said in unison, visibly disappointed.

Wanting to salvage the situation, Button quickly said, “But I promise to do some crusading with you once I’m not grounded anymore!”

The three fillies perked up at that, took a deep breath, and collectively yelled out at the top of their lungs: “BUTTON MASH: FUTURE CRUSADER, YAY!”

Reeling at the assault to his eardrums, Button fell to the ground and rolled around while futilely clutching his ears. “Yaaaay…”

After making sure he had not been permanently deafened by the trio of walking hearing hazards, Button quickly said his goodbye and parted ways with the three fillies. He was currently trotting his way home, craning his head here and there to take in the sights.

Boy, I really wanna play video games. Or even go crusading with those three. It’s such a beautiful day too! Being grounded sucks… he mused forlornly.

Hearing the familiar whimsical noises of video games, Button turned his head and saw, to his dismay, the wild flashing lights of the local arcade he spent so much time at. He sighed. Even if I weren’t grounded, I don’t have any money… Suddenly, he gasped and his eyes widened in realization. I still have that bit from the milkshake race! Button squealed and jumped for joy, eliciting the more-than-cursory glances of a few nearby ponies. Freezing once he realized what he just did, Button chuckled and waved back lamely, and the other ponies went back to whatever they were doing. Straightening himself out, Button giddily took a step forward before he realized: I’m still grounded! He groaned in frustration at this dilemma. I gotta think about this…

As time went on, the dark brown colt simply stood there and stared at the arcade, unmoving, unblinking, and unyielding, his perpetually spinning propeller cap not failing to perform its function in spite of the fact there was no longer any breeze. A few ponies gave him and his hat an odd look as they walked past, but ultimately they left the strange little colt to his devices. Unbeknownst to the rest of the world, young Button was facing a most difficult decision. Satiating his lust for video games would quell the urge to play within him, yet doing so would break his punishment and incur the wrath of his mother. He inwardly shuddered at the thought of the latter. Button groaned. Being grounded REALLY sucks.

After what seemed to be an eternity, Button finally made up his mind and trotted defiantly to the closest arcade machine. “I have only one bit, so just one quick game,” he promised.

Button was fully focused on the screen, his actions with the joystick and buttons completely automatic and mechanical. At that moment, nothing could have distracted him, not even if changelings had suddenly invaded Ponyville under the command of a chaos-loving draconequus with an unusual obsession for crystals and stairs while wearing a dark amulet in the middle of eternal night. "Come on… Come on… You can do it, Button," he muttered to himself. “Just a little more…”

YOU WIN! NEW HIGH SCORE ACHIEVED!

Button leapt on top of his stool and proclaimed to the heavens, “YES! Aw yeah! Who’s awesome? I am! Take that, ‘Dainrow Bash,’ I just destroyed your high score! 21.8% cooler in 9.65 seconds flat, beat that!”

Oddly enough, on a lone cloud some distance away a certain light cerulean pegasus mare with a prismatic mane and tail grumpily woke up from her nap and felt the sudden urge to fly into town and reassert her dominance of a certain game in a certain arcade.

Button was still doing his victory dance when he heard Ponyville’s bell tower ring three times. It was three o’clock. Immediately, he froze in terror. Oh no, I should have been home an hour ago! Mom’ll kill me!

Button launched off the stool and went into an all-out sprint in the general direction of his home. As Button frantically galloped as fast as his little legs would allow, he wondered how it got to be so late. I played only one game, and that literally took less than ten seconds! He thought. Just how did I— He inwardly facehoofed. Did I really spend an hour beforehand trying to decide if I should play or not?

Fervently shaking his head of his thoughts, Button continued running, and, soon enough, he could see his home looming in the distance. Pushing himself to the limit, Button prayed to one of his many gods, a blue hedgehog, wishing that he could go fast, and, before he knew it, he burst through the front door of the quaint little home. Perhaps there really was such thing as karma, because right after Button rushed inside he promptly tripped over the charred remains of his toy train and landed flat on his face.

“Oof! Ow… Stupid spontaneously combusting train…” moaned Button, rubbing his head. “How did that even happen in the first place?” Getting his wits together, Button quickly jumped to his hooves and, without thinking, started spewing forth some kind of excuse: “Mom I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to be late but I was on my way home honest and I would have gotten here sooner but then a blue box appeared out of nowhere and some stallion came out and yelled ‘A lot sea’ or something and I thought neato and then a double rainboom happened and I thought ‘what does it mean’ and then my propeller cap started spinning in the other direction and—” Button paused, partly out of running out of breath, but partly because there were two things wrong with this situation. First, now that his brain had caught up with him, he realized that there was no answer from his mother whatsoever. By now, she should have come out and scolded him already. Second, he realized that his toy train—what was left of it—was still on the floor. His mother would have picked it up by now.

Something was very wrong.

“Mom?” Button called out, hesitating and somewhat fearful. He called out again: “Moooom!”

Gulping, Button started walking. “Mooom? Where are you?”‘ He searched the living room, the kitchen, and his parents’ bedroom, but he could not find any trace of her.

Hmm, maybe Mom went out or something. Button grinned devilishly. I guess I can play video games as long as she doesn’t know! With a noticeably spring in his step, Button trotted victoriously up the stairs to his room. However, he paused when he noticed that the door was slightly ajar and heard what sounded like a low growling emanating from within.

Button whispered, “What was that?” He stepped carefully at this point, afraid that he might be too loud and disturb whoever—whatever—had taken up residence in his room. At the same time, he hurriedly thought of what this intruder could be.

Is it a burglar? Or a manticore? Or what if it’s Dainrow Bash? Oh Faust, I shouldn’t have beaten him so hard! Now he’s mad and wants to exact his vengeance! Button gulped and began to hyperventilate. Oh Mom, where are you?

He was right at the door now, and the growling, now louder than ever, chilled him to his very core. He also heard what strangely seemed to be gunfire and explosions coming from within. Taking deep breaths and bracing himself for what lay within, Button shut his eyes, prayed to every god in his pantheon—a jumping plumber, a green swordsman, a purple golden-winged dragon, amongst many others—and pushed the door wide open, fully expecting to be mauled by a vengeful sore loser.

Nothing happened.

Button still did not dare to open his eyes, not wishing to see what eldritch abomination awaited him.

“BUCK IT ALL!”

He did open his eyes at that, however. What he saw was something he did not expect in the least. It was no burglar, nor a hungry manticore, nor Dainrow Bash, but his mother.

“BUCK YOU TOO, NOOB! HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT HUH?”

Yup, it was his mother all right, but she was doing the one thing young Button never thought he would ever bear witness to: his mother was playing a video game. From what he could see, she was playing “Colt of Duty: Modern Warmare 6.5,” and she was playing rather enthusiastically.

“EAT IT NOOB! DOES IT TASTE GOOD? DOES IT?”

Perhaps a little too enthusiastically, since right now his mom was currently having her in-game character stand and crouch over the head of a fallen soldier over and over again while loudly proclaiming something about teabags.

Jaw hanging open, eyes wide, and brain unable to process what lay before him, Button could do nothing but point an accusatory hoof at his mother and say the only thing his feeble mind could come up with:

“Moms aren’t supposed to be gamers!”

Not having noticed her son’s presence at all, Milano Mash shrieked and quickly whirled around, controller still in hoof. “BUTTON! You scared me!”

At the same moment, her character on the TV screen was gunned down and received a teabag in retribution. Realizing what had happened, Milano made a now-familiar growl and roared, “FAUST-BUCKING DAMMIT!” She quickly slammed her hooves to her mouth and darted her wide eyes toward her son, who was still staring at her with incredulity, fear, and what seemed to be amazement. “I-I-I mean, um, er…” Milano stammered, before regaining her composure and smiling sweetly. “How was your day, Button?”

Button, finally straightening himself out, suddenly put on a smug grin on his face. “You play video games, don’t you Mom.” It was a statement, not a question.

“Well, I don’t really play…”

“Oh don’t try to hide it,” Button started laughing. “Oh my Faust, Mom, you really do play video games!”

Shaking her head, Milano replied, “And what’s wrong with that, sweetie? I told you before that I used to play video games all the time with your father.”

“But you were a filly! You were young! Now, you’re kinda old and, well, you’re a mom. Gamer moms are a myth; everypony knows that!”

Not sure how to respond to her son’s jab at her age, Milano simply rolled her eyes. “Yes, sweetie, I do play video games, but I’m sorry you heard me say some… less-than-pleasant things. This game brings out the worst in me.”

“Then why do you play it?” Button asked in confusion.

“Oh, I don’t really know. After I showed you your father’s old video game machine I just had the urge to play again. I tried putting it off, but after I finished cleaning and cooking today, I had some free time, and I thought to myself, ‘Why not?’ Of course, since it’s been quite some time since I played I really had no idea what video games are popular these days. I just decided to play this one since your brother plays it all the time.”

As soon as she finished speaking her character died—again—but this time the two of them heard a squeaky and annoying prepubescent voice crackle forth from the game.

“Yeah, buck you faggot. Why don’t you just cry to your bucking mom, you little gay-ass piece of—”

Hurriedly turning off the X-Cube 2-Pi console, Milano turned back to a still-confused-looking Button Mash. “Sweetie, please pretend that you never heard any of those nasty words.”

“But I don’t get it. What does—”

“Sweetie, you’ll know when you’re older.”

“But—”

“When you’re older.”

“Okay.”

The two sat in uncomfortable silence after that, not knowing what to say in light of this certainly unexpected turn of events. Finally, it was Button who decided to speak up.

“You know, Mom, if you want I can show you some video games I think you’ll actually enjoy.” At this, Milano looked perplexedly at him. “I mean, I know big bro plays ‘Colt of Duty’ all the time, but I know the game’s more frustrating than actually fun.”

Milano squinted her eyes a little and scowled in mock accusation. “I distinctively recall a certain colt saying that ‘gamer moms are a myth.’”

“Eh-heh, I didn’t really mean it, Mom,” Button quickly said, hooves raised in placation. “I mean, I actually think it’s kinda cool to have a mom that plays video games.”

Milano smiled and pulled her son into a hug, “Oh Button, that’s so kind of you. I’d love to play with you sometime.”

“All right! There’s a bunch of games I know you’d love, like—”

“But only after you’re no longer grounded.”

“Aw… fine. It’s only a couple more days anyways.”

Suddenly, the two of them saw through the window a light blue blur with a rainbow contrail zipping across the sky. It did not take long to realize that that could have been only one pony—Rainbow Dash. Said pony was currently climbing higher and higher above Ponyville, until finally she stopped. Both Button and Milano were perplexed. What was Rainbow Dash up to this time?

Taking a deep breath, the prismatic pegasus yelled as loudly as she could: “WHOEVER YOU ARE, WHEREVER YOU ARE, B-MASH 1337, JUST KNOW THAT I, RAINBOW DASH, THE FASTEST FLIER IN ALL OF EQUESTRIA, FUTURE WONDERBOLT, AND THE ELEMENT OF LOYALTY, HAVE ONCE AGAIN PROVEN THAT I AM, HOOVES DOWN, THE MOST AWESOME PLAYER AT CLOUD CLEARER 3! 23.2% COOLER IN 9.42 SECONDS FLAT, YEAH! TRY AND BEAT THAT NEXT TIME YOU’RE AT THE ARCADE, CHUMP!”

With Rainbow having yelled loud enough for the whole town to hear, there was little wonder why Milano Mash was currently glaring at her son with hardly concealed fury. “You went to the arcade today, even though you were still grounded? And ‘B-MASH 1337?’ Really, Button?” she hissed venomously.

The terrified colt panicked as he tried to stop himself from meeting with a terrible fate. “N-n-no, Mom! I-I swear I d-didn’t!”

It didn’t work. Narrowing her eyes even further, Milano growled, “Don’t lie to me, young colt!”

Said colt quickly ran up, hugged his mother’s leg, and summoned forth the most powerful set of puppy-eyes he could muster. “Pwease, Mom, I-I wuv you…”

There was no effect whatsoever on the furious mother, whose angry gaze intensified even more. Button, knowing that all hope was lost, sighed in resignation. “Another week, Mom?”

“Two more weeks.”

GAME OVER

Author's Note

This was my first fanfiction ever, and the first piece of creative writing I took seriously in years. I accept any and all constructive criticism.

Special thanks goes to GeminiGemelo over at FanFiction.Net for reading this over and helping me make it not horrible. If you happen to like Lion King fanfiction, then I highly suggest you go check her work out: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/3535333/GeminiGemelo

Credit for the cover image goes to: http://karpetart.tumblr.com