Three Final Tricks

by GingerBronyCheesecake

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Slice of Life
Length: 1889

After the Chaos Monster was shut in his cage once more, everypony believed his powers to be as dead as the stone he was encased in. They were wrong. These are the stories of the effects he left on the world around him.

After the Chaos Monster was shut in his cage once more, everypony believed his powers to be as dead as the stone he was encased in. Only one knew otherwise, but he wasn’t saying anything… Being trapped inside a statue kinda disconnects you from the outside world. The weakened creature still could affect the world outside him, if not in random and harmless ways. He still got his kicks. You might say that his thinking made no sense. To that, he would reply, “What fun is there in making sense?”
The spirit left the effects on the world around him. This is the story of the first.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-09-30 18:00:07 UTC

Their Great-Great-Grand-Uncle Was A Pegasus...

After the Chaos Monster was shut in his cage once more, everypony believed his powers to be as dead as the stone he was encased in.  Only one knew otherwise, but he wasn’t saying anything…  Being trapped inside a statue kinda disconnects you from the outside world.  The weakened creature still could affect the world outside him, if not in random and harmless ways.  He still got his kicks.  You might say that his thinking made no sense.  To that, he would reply, “What fun is there in making sense?”

         The spirit left the effects on the world around him.  This is the story of the first.

A few days after the monsters entombment, everypony pushed the threat of his miraculous return to the back of their minds, and none so more than Mr. and Mrs. Cake, who had bigger problems to worry about.  Like running a business, Pinkie Pie burning down the business, and Mrs. Cake’s buns in the oven.  In fact, they were burning at that moment in time.

“AIGH!” yelled Cup Cake.  “Carrot, can you get the buns?!  I’m finishing the icing on the Birthday Cake!”

        “I’ll try, honey!”  Mr. Carrot Cake wobbled into the small kitchen, balancing a huge wedding cake on his back.

        “Sweetie, where can I put this down?”

Cup Cake zipped to the counter and literally shoved everything over for the huge cake, and rushes back to her own cake.  A bell rang outside the kitchen, and this prompts Mr. Cake to rush speedily put down the wedding cake, almost toppling it over.  He sprints over to the service counter next, and sees a sea-green unicorn staring at her hooves, as though wondering why they looked like that, and why they were there.

“Hello...” says Mr. Cake nervously and kinda impatiently.  “Are you here to pick up an order?”

The unicorn stayed entranced by her forelegs.

“Ma’am?”  She didn’t notice.

“Ma’am!” yelled Carrot Cake.  The unicorn glanced up at Mr. Cake, and blinked as though she just realized why she was there.

The easily distracted customer shook her head very swiftly, and said, quite sheepishly, “Sorry.  I kinda lost myself there…  Uh…  I’m here to pick up an order for some buns under the name of Miss Heartstrings.”

       Mr. Cake, at the service counter, and Mrs. Cake in the kitchen both yelled at the same time, “THE BUNS!!!”

        Both rushed to the oven, with its viewing window completely obscured by smoke.  As Carrot Cake slowly pulled open the door, the pent up, burned residue poured out of the oven.  On the tray sat two large, crisp, and entirely black buns.  Mrs. Cake began to cry, and Mr. Cake had to go awkwardly apologize to the customer, and give her a rarely issued refund.

Later that night, Carrot and Cup Cake were closing up shop after another hectic day.

“G’night you two!” Pinkie Pie called up the stairs cheerily.

Less cheerfully she also says, “And I’m sorry for not being at work today.  The girls were having a picnic, but if I knew how busy today would have been, I wouldn’t have gone…”

        “It’s ok, Pinkie,” Mrs. Cake yelled down.  It was then Mr. Cake’s turn to yell.  “If we knew how busy today would be, we wouldn’t have let you go!” he said.

“Heehee!  Hindsight is 20/20!  Speaking of ‘hind’sight, you guys better keep it down tonight!  I swear, nopony can get any sleep around here with you two making lo… uh, making a ruckus!”

Our two protagonists glanced at each other with a large amount of embarrassment, and proceeded to creep up the stairs in a ploy to end the awkward conversation.  Every time their forelegs brushed, Carrot slightly cringed, as though suddenly uncomfortable.  No matter how slight it was, Cup noticed.

“Sweetie-pie, what’s wrong?” asked the short, pink mare, climbing into their bed after washing up.  Mr. Cake stopped brushing his teeth, spit out the toothpaste in his mouth, and slowly set down his toothbrush.

“Cup, we can’t keep doing this every night.  I know you’ve wanted a kid for a long time now, but ever since Discord’s banishment, nopony’s afraid of their pies exploding in their faces!  Business is picking up, maybe even more than ever, and we can’t handle a catering company, a kid, and Pinkie Pie at the same time!  We’re barely covering the first and third together.  Having a child is just gonna take away one of us from our job, and then what?  And in short-term, staying up late all the time like this is depriving us of our work productivity.  It’s hitting us both hard.”  Carrot Cake believed that his argument was sound, and as Cup digested it, he brought forth something that had been itching at the back of his mind since that afternoon.

“And why did you cry when the buns burnt today?  We’ve been married for a couple years now, and I’ve never known you to cry over a missed order, even when you were on your period!  That’s why I married you…  You never let the craziness of a company affect you.  But why now?”

Mrs. Cake was silent for a minute, knowing what she wanted to say, but had no clue as to how to break it to Carrot and brace him for the cannonball.

Cup Cake started seriously.  “Carrot, I know that we will be able to handle a baby, and if we aren’t, well, we’ll just have to canter up to the plate and learn soon”.

“Wha-?” started the tall, yellow stallion, but he’s cut off as his wife places her soft hoof on his mouth.

“Carrot, I cried today because I have my own bun in my oven…  Our bun.  And if I can’t take care of pastries, how can I take care of a child?”  She starts crying as Mr. Cake struggles to understand Cup’s metaphorical gibberish, and console her at the same time.

Sitting close to Cup and stroking her back, Carrot’s realization is a shock.  “Wait…  Do you mean to say...?”

“Yes, Carrot, it does,” answered Mrs. Cake, still crying, but now crying happily.  “I’m going to have a child.”

A combination of shock and lack of sleep prompts Mr. Cake to slide off of the bed in a dead faint, and land with a loud slam on the floor.

“Hey, guys?” yells a loud voice from downstairs.  “Didn’t I ask you to keep it down tonight?”

Mrs. Cake doesn’t reply, but giggles and cries softly at the same time as picking up her husband, and tucking him into the soft bed.  She herself then collapses next to Carrot, and falls asleep herself.

In the coming weeks, everypony would learn of the Cake’s expectancy.  First, Cup Cake told Pinkie Pie, believing that as a rent-paying resident, she deserved to know.  Knowing about Pinkie’s running mouth, Cup swore her to secrecy.

“We need as little stress as possible now more than ever, Pinkie.  Can I trust you?”

“Of course you can trust me, silly!  I’d never let down a friend!  I’ll make Pinkie-Promise to it!”

The pink party never breaks a promise, as we all know, but the whole town knew about it, anyway.

Weeks passed, and on the week before Mrs. Cake was supposed to be expecting, Pinkie Pie threw her a surprise Baby Shower/ OH-MY-GOSH-YOU’RE-HAVING-A-BABY-FROM-STAYING-UP-ALL-THE-TIME-AND-KEEPING-ME-AWAKE!!! Party.

Many mares showed up, as Pinkie Pie had many connections, including every single pony in Ponyville.  So… yeah, a lot of mares showed up at Sugarcube Corner.  To mention a few, there was Granny Smith (who fell asleep a lot), Day Care (who was a mother herself), Mama Cake (Carrot’s mom), Lyra (who brought some unburnt buns), Bonbon (who brought bonbons), Derpy (who was a mother also), Twilight (who brought a book on kids), Rainbow (who was bored the whole time), Applejack (who brought some apple deserts), Rarity (who could never turn down a social gathering), Fluttershy (who offered baby-sitting services), and Pinkie herself (party?  Hello?  If she didn’t organize it, she was bringing crap-tons of uninvited guests).  And that was just page 1 of Pinkie’s guest list.  The place was packed.

Pinkie didn’t have any idea on how to handle a baby shower for the husband, so she just asked Timeturner if he could handle it.

Carrot was dragged out of his house by a bunch of dudes, yelling, “No!!  Cup, help!  I need to work today, you dolts!  AAAIIIGGGHHH!!!”

Mr. Cake was later found in the town bar, downing obscene amounts of beer and hard cider while watching hoofball and discussing bachelorhood.  It was quite an interesting sight.

Finally, the big day arrived.  “Push, ma’am!  You’re almost there!” yelled the Doc for maybe the 16th time in two hours.  Mrs. Cake had been increasingly annoyed by this, and combined lack of sleep and the strain of childbirth; she was really being pushed to her breaking point.

“YOU’VE SAID THAT 20 THOUSAND TIMES, YOU QUACK!!  KNOW SHUT YOUR PIEHOLE AND GET THESE THINGS OUT OF ME, OR I SWEAR TO CELESTIA, I WILL RIP YOUR TESTICLES OFF AND CHOKE FLUTTERSHY WITH THEM!!!”

The Doctor slowly blinked his eyes, shut his mouth, and continued doing whatever doctors do for childbirth.  After about 15 quiet minutes, save for Mrs. Cake’s painful groans, the doctor was pulling out a foal.

“Push, Mrs. Cake!  You’re almost there!” he called.

“AAAAAIIIIIGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!” Cup screamed in responsive rage and pain.

“I got ‘em!” yelled the doctor.  “Congrats, miss!  It’s a healthy boy!”  As soon as he finished, a subsequent scream was heard throughout the whole floor of the hospital they were on.  He slowly whistled.  “And he’s a screamer, no less!”

Cup Cake sighed in relief, but started groaning again as fresh cramps overtook her.  “Ho!  There’s another one!”

As the second scream died down, the doctor chuckled, and slowly rubbed his ear with the hoof holding the boy.  “It’s a girl this time, ma’am! She’s loud, too!  Shoo-wee!”

After cleaning the children, discovering something quite interesting, and mummifying the babies in blankets to keep them warm and hide the secret, the doc handed Cup the screaming fillies.  He cleaned his glasses on his jacket, and calmly said with a smile, “Well, I’ll go get your husband with the news.  Wait ‘til he hears about this!”

A couple of minutes later, Mr. Cake literally leapt through the doors of Cup Cake’s room, and while he was gasping for breath, his wife gave a quiet “Shhh…  They’re sleeping…”

Carrot saw two bundles of blankets, one blue, one pink.  He slowly cantered up to her hospital bed, and whispered, “Wow.  Two little buns…  Who would’ve thought?”

Mrs. Cake slowly smiled.  “You think that’s weird?  Look at this…” She gestured for her husband to pull back the baby’s swaddles, and so he did.  Carrot Cake and Cup Cake both saw a little brown boy with wings, and a little orange girl with a horn.

Dumbstruck, Mr. Cake had to sit down so as not to fall over.  With the small amount of breath he had, Carrot whistled low.  “Wow.  A unicorn and a pegasus…  Who would’ve thought?  …  Well… you got the kids you wanted.  What do you think?  You happy now?” he whispered with a playful grin.

Soon, both ponies’ faces split into huge, loving grins.  “Not yet,” she replied.

Carrot moved in, and as soon as their noses rubbed, both ponies fell into a long and loving kiss.

The children kept dozing on top of Carrot’s body, yet they roll over toward each other, bump into each other in their sleep, and slowly start to wear small smiles.

Back in his stone tomb, a certain Spirit watched the aforementioned exchange with much interest, and begins to grin at the sight of all the love the family exuded.  But whether his interest is from amusement and contempt, or something more tender…  Neither we nor he will ever know.