Virus

    It's all my fault. Thousands, perhaps millions of lives on planet Earth have all paid for my mistake. I am also out of laundry detergent.

    Did you expect me to be broken up about it? Maybe start crying about how I personally wronged you, of all people? Maybe if you had caught me in the first couple of months. By now, though, it's gotten old. I've gotten over it, and let's face it, in about a month you will have too. It's called the stages of grief, honey, and as far as I'm concerned, I've already hit acceptance.

    Besides, with regardless of how angry you are, even if you managed to gain enough control over your body to pull something on me, I could just turn around and kick you into next week.

    Would you look at that. Grief stage already. Guess finding out the one thing holding you together is both pointless, and impossible can really do a number on someone in a disaster. Tell you what, why don't you come with me, and I'll treat you to a bit of food. Just don't tell the other several million people, cause this is a special treatment. I'd hate to have to fork the bill for a third of North America.

    It's my anniversary today. One full year of being the cause of the Quarantined Territories. One full year of being the bane of the American people, and a week away from the anniversary of becoming the same for half of Tokyo. Patient Zero. The snot heard 'round the world. Probably a hundred other, less polite titles. Hard to believe that one year and a day ago, I was just a normal junior scientist.

    Don't know why you're looking so smug. I may be a bit maudlin now, but I'm going to a party this afternoon. You could even come, if you manage not to make an annoyance out of yourself. Oh, and figure out how to use stairs again. Aw, come on. It's not that tough. I did it, and so did my roommate.

    Yes. That's her. The one with the songs. Oh, so you're a fan. That's pretty rich. She'll get a kick out of this. One minute ready to kill me, the next asking for favors.

    Now, I didn't say I wouldn't do it. She'll autograph pretty much anything, so long as I ask, so it's as good as yours. Again, provided you can manage to avoid ticking me off. Funny how life sometimes gives you the upper... You know what, let's not go there.

    Alright, getting called Patient Zero all the time is getting to me. I know that I am not legally allowed to use my birth name to protect top secret information, but I do have a replacement. Oh, you do know it. Well, start using it. I haven't been called Patient Zero so much since they let me out of the Disease Control Center when I got my brand. You like? I spent about three days designing it. They were just going to stamp the word Clear on me instead. I figured that, after everything we went through, there was no way, I was going to walk around with the word Clear stamped on me. Guess it kind of took off, huh?

    When are you going in for it? The faster you get your Q.T. mark, the better, I say. People around here don't really treat you as a citizen until then. It's pretty funny when you think about it. Sort of the reverse of the rest of the states. You saw that Chrissy Lisa special report about that? Wonder how she's doing. Haven't seen her since that “cure” incident. She was not nearly as nice in person as she was on tv. Completely changed personalities.

    Geez, look at how late it is. We've gotta fly if we want to make this party. Alright, poor choice of words, but can you blame me? You get two extra limbs for grabbing things. Almost like hands. My roommate thinks that's the worst part of everything. She could go on for hours about how much more difficult it is to play music without them. Word of advice that you probably won't follow? Don't mention the subject. Seriously, don't. Hours!

    The party? It's just me, my roommate, a couple of our apartment friends, and a few others that we invited. And you. Nothing major. Sure some of them are celebrities, but the way they act at home, they might as well have been raised by animals, current circumstances ironically notwithstanding. Still, I love their “jam sessions”.

    You'd think with all the musical talent in that building I'd at least learn how to carry a tune. I learned how to carry everything else, which wasn't easy. 'Specially in the beginning. Last year, when no one had any clue what was going on.

    Right after I knocked over that stupid petri dish, I got hit with the start. I don't have to tell you about the nausea. Still had to pick up a milk and a carton of eggs at the convenience mart. That's where it started spreading. Anyway, then came a day of nearly puking my guts, right alongside my roommate, who really wasn't happy. Not that I was either. We only have one bathroom. Then came the fever when you start hallucinating. I swear that, to this day, that my roommate believes in mermaids from that. Thank goodness I called the hospital early on to come pick us up. That's when I passed out and woke up like this, a day later. Not too different from you, right? That's what I thought.

    You saw sea monsters? That's strange, but no worse than most. Me? Let's just say I won't be looking at ballerina the same way again. Aaand we're here. Look, you've been a good sport, so you can come in. Wipe off on the mat. No one wants to taste dirt all over their food. Some of which I've prepared, by the way. Come on up, watch your step on the stairs, and make sure to try the bonbons.