All Ponies Die

by Proper Noun

Rating: teen
Tags: Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Princess Luna, Applejack, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Fluttershy
Length: 4861

All ponies die. It's only a matter of how and when. This collection of one-shots explores a few possible ways for some ponies to go.

Every pony dies - some perish as foals, some are practically immortal, but the Reaper will take his due. Not even an Alicorn is untouchable.

A collection of one-shot death scenes for various characters, accompanied by ratings and warnings.

Chapter 1: Fluttershy (Everyone: sad)
Chapter 2: Princess Luna (Everyone?: dark)
Chapter 3: Applejack (Teen: violence, some gore, grimdark)
Chapter 4: The Cutie Mark Crusaders (Everyone: touch of comedy)

Rated Teen for violence and mild gore in Apple Harvest.
Note: The stories are not part of a single continuity.

Published 2013-10-01 09:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-12-18 11:30:59 UTC

Old Friends

{Sad}

"...waking up. Are you sure we can't give her any more..." The unfamiliar voice faded out as quickly as it came.

Her everything began to hurt, a throbbing pain that engulfed her sparse consciousness. She was so tired, but couldn't pass back into the bliss of sleep. Instead, something was forcefully drawing her back into the world. It was important... she could almost put her hoof on it...

"Applejack," she mumbled. Every syllable made her jaw hurt, but things started flooding back to her. A chair scraped against a tiled floor somewhere nearby. There was beeping - a heart monitor.

"Ah'm here, Flutters." Her pet name. There was only one mare who still called her that. She's here. She was always here for me. The pegasus found her eyelids heavier than tombstones, but from somewhere deep down came the strength to pry them apart.

Even in her white-maned old age, Applejack was the delight of her eyes - to say nothing of her heart. A lifetime of training and hard work had kept her body wonderfully preserved, and though the Elements of Harmony had chosen new bearers decades ago, the honesty and determination she insisted on keeping were etched into her face as though in stone. But the mare's face was wracked now with caring and worry that Fluttershy wanted so badly to touch and caress, to wipe away. Her legs and wings were too heavy, and refused to rise. Her body had the weight of a building carved from pure lead.

Then Applejack took one of her forelegs, pressing the tender frog of Fluttershy's hoof against her wet cheek.

"Ah didn't think you'd ever wake up. M-maybe... maybe this means - "

"Sshh." There was no place for false hope. Not with her, and not with the mare she loved. Nopony ever recovered from the Degenerative Blight, a magical disease that plagued lands on the far side of the Griffon Kingdoms. It was almost never seen in Equestria, but rarely, a migrating animal would carry it through and have to be put down. It had only taken one little bite to infect her. They'd been lucky - Applejack had been visiting family in Appleloosa with their surrogate sons, and the symptoms had started to manifest before Fluttershy could pass it on in bed. Not that anypony else knew she liked to bite.

"Ah'm sorry, ah - "

Fluttershy blinked. Applejack was was asleep in a chair, drooling on the old pegasus's chest where she had laid her head. A long, white braid fell from the orange mare's neck, and Fluttershy couldn't help smiling, no matter how much it hurt her face. She'd always enjoyed braiding her wife's mane, and it seemed to have stuck, even though she couldn't lift her hooves to do it anymore. Maybe she'd had Apple Bloom do it.

"Sweetie?" she managed to say.

"Uh, uh, whah?" Applejack stammered, startled awake, before giving Fluttershy the most patently fake smile she'd ever seen. She had the same look as when Granny Smith had finally passed away - as though she had barely eaten or slept in weeks.

She realized she must have done much more than blink. Standing next to the mare was a far paler form, one all too familiar. So many of her little animal friends lived such short lives... and none of them were here now. Her. This time, it was her.

"Applejack, I love you." The pegasus pushed the words out urgently, knowing her voice was little above a whisper.

"Don't, Flutters. Don't say that!" Applejack must have picked up on her undertone immediately, as she was starting to cry. "Ah won't let you go. Ah can't." The monitor nearby began to skip heartbeats, and Fluttershy smiled. The pain of it didn't matter anymore.

"I love you so much - please, hold me..." Her friend gave a silent, beckoning gesture with her one unshod hoof as Applejack lifted her from the bed. The mare's strength and warmth remained with her after all these years, and Fluttershy took comfort in her closeness as she let her eyelids fall shut.

Somewhere, the monitor let out a long, droning beep before turning itself off. Somewhere, Applejack's voice was screaming, and nurses were on their way to fake the futile effort to save Fluttershy's life for her comfort.

"I'll let ya in on a secret, young'un," the Olden Pony said.

"What's that?" Fluttershy looked across the room, where Applejack was crying into the mane of a body she realized she was no longer in. The look on the face that used to be hers was so ... peaceful. She could feel the contentment it showed - her only regret was that Applejack would have to bear the burden of outliving her.

"It weren't never about my stupid ol' shoe. C'mon, I got friends haunting out in the Everfree who've been dyin' ta meet ya."

"Thank you, old friend." Fluttershy paused to blow a kiss from her wingtips, but she couldn't bear her wife's wretched sobbing any longer, and allowed herself to be led away.

Sunrise

{Dark}

"Sister, I implore you to fight this." Luna sighed at Celestia's naiveté, and settled herself more comfortably in her bed.

"Nay, Celestia. I have told you many times: The deal was struck, and I knew the price. The time has come for payment."

"The price is unjust!" Celestia protested.

"So was I," Luna said quietly. She closed her eyes, and tried to shut her mind's eye against the memories of Nightmare Moon. She would let Celestia rant against the issuers of her contract; the elder Princess had a way with words, and if she really listened, she would likely succumb to the insanity of resistance once more.

It would go on for hours. Celestia would try to convince her to fight the stars themselves, to save herself, to stand in defiant default of her debt. She would beg, or reason, or try to poke legalistic holes in the contract itself. And at the end, Luna would always rise, agree with her, and fight on. It would not happen again.

"Luna, please," Celestia pleaded, around half an hour in. Luna braced herself for the words that had turned her the past four times. "You know you are the most precious thing in the world to me. Please, don't make me live in a world without you. Not again."

"I am sorry," the Night Princess murmured. She did not bother to stop the tears from coming. It was a waste of energy that might break her resolve, as it had last time. "I must do this. Or rather, I must stop. I will not stop you, sister, but neither will I join you. The cost to Equestria is too great."

"For you, I would give up Equestria in its entirety!"

"You already have," Luna countered wearily. "To them, our kingdom exists as leverage, to be bent and broken until I give them their due." Gaining momentum, she cut off Celestia's pleas.

"Leave the darkness of my chamber and look out any window. On all points of the compass, our enemies are their pawns. To the north, few crystal ponies have survived the gryphons' genocide. In the east, Zebra warriors loot the ruins of Baltimare and Manehattan. In the west, we have lost our croplands to the fury of the Buffalo, dooming our ponies to starvation. And in the south..." She shuddered. "In the south, the minions of Tartarus itself march freely through the country. In their wake, even the soil is burned away, and the land is only rock and lava."

Luna sighed, allowing herself to deflate, and opened her eyes. "I know my duty as a ruler, and I shall not be responsible for their destruction any longer."

"And as family, I beg you, sister, please don't leave me. Even if they take away Equestria, they can never take you."

"I..." Luna started, before managing to get her quivering heartstrings under control. "That is incorrect. Were it their way, they could simply have snatched me away long ago. If I were your equal in power, they could not take me, that is true; but then this would never have occurred. If I had ever been your equal, I would never have traded what I did for..." She had to grit her teeth and brace herself. "... for Nightmare Moon. Do you truly think if we lost Equestria, they would not resort to brute force?"

"I stand by what I say," Celestia said quietly. "You are the last family I have left. I love you, and I cannot let you go again."

"Oh, Tia," Luna said, and reached out to brush away her sister's tears. As she'd thought, the sudden tenderness brought fresh tears from them both, but she had to stay focused. "I shall miss you, too."

"No! I won't let - " Celestia started, but Luna interrupted her with a burst of magic that knocked her clear across the chamber. She quickly followed up by erecting a powerful barrier around her bed. A few practiced modifications to her technique would hopefully keep her older sister out long enough to, finally, carry out the necessary ritual.

"Alanielle! Alanielle! Alanielle!" she shouted, as Celestia tried to mask her attempts to undo the spell with crying and pleading. "Star of despair, queen of blood oaths and arbiter of fell contracts, we call upon thee! Willingly have we bound our word; willingly we offer fulfillment of our terms! Come unto us, Alanielle, and take what is thy due!" Scarlet starlight flooded the room, and Luna noticed her sister resorting to brute force, throwing spells and everything not bolted down at her barrier. Though it looked like desperation, she knew it was hardly such; Celestia was more powerful than she was by far, and the spell would not hold. She was glad she'd also thought to make it a guard against various materials; things passing through shield spells had a tendency to weaken them.

"Ah, my little nightmare," a hollow voice somehow cooed over the chaotic din. "Finally broken, have you?"

"Yes," Luna said simply. It was pointless to mention how long she had been trying to get this moment past her sister. "Our only request is expediency. The bargain we have struck with thee is threatened by another." The voice laughed.

"Oh, that is adorable. Come then, child - raise your chin before the scythe." Luna did as she was asked, and before her, a reaping blade formed over the bed. She took in the irony that it was made of the same flowing stars as her mane, before closing her eyes for what she knew would be the last time.

"I love you, sister," she murmured. She didn't bother raising her voice, as Celestia was probably knocked silly from bashing her head on the barrier. Maybe she truly had been desperate. "Please, let this never happen again." She shivered as the chill of the void passed through her neck, what she knew was her essence passing from her body.

The darkness embraced her.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Celestia was hours past rage, pleas, or even just crying. She had run dry not long after Luna's body fell.

She had failed. She had tried to protect her sister, and was left with a corpse and the ruins of a kingdom. She had sacrificed her ponies and lands for nothing. Luna was all she'd had left, and the younger princess had willfully opted to take away even that.

"Why?" she murmured into the corpse's mane. "I would protect you with my life. You are all the family I have. I would follow you through Tartarus." She paused.

"... I will follow you through Tartarus. I will track you through the limitless reach of the Void," Celestia swore. "I will find you again, little Luna. We are sisters. I cannot be without you."

Celestia prepared a spell for her journey - a simple one that would only take a touch of fine telekinetic manipulation. All she had to do was disconnect a particular set of nerves from the brain, and -

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Princess Twilight Sparkle tore through the halls of Canterlot Castle, teleporting past those without the reflexes to get out of her way. The entire city was celebrating that morning - morning had come, as the cycle of day and night was something delegated to her when the wars intensified more than fifteen decades ago. She understood the necessity; Celestia and Luna had far more power than she could ever aspire to, and Equestria needed every optimization of process it could get to fight its manifold enemies.

But not today. Today, the sunrise had been met with abandoned battlefields and empty war-camps. The siege of Canterlot had lifted overnight, and diplomats began to arrive as enemy warriors turned their eyes towards home. This was the best news she'd had for her former mentor since the end of Discord's second rebellion.

Twilight ran straight to Luna's chamber. She had let the sisters think she didn't know Celestia would cry herself to sleep at the foot of Luna's bed for the past few years, but she knew she would find them both there; Celestia barely slept in her own room anymore.

She burst through the door, crying, "Celestia! Luna! I think we won! We - " Twilight's eyes caught up with her mind. The room's eternal night had lifted, and the scene before her was perfectly clear. "I... but..."

On no other day would Canterlot's refugee crowds have drowned out the wails from the Lunar Tower.

Apple Harvest

WARNINGS:
{GrimDark}{Gore}

"Ah told y'all already, ain't no way ah'm sayin' where Apple Bloom's at." Applejack spun and lashed out with her hind hooves, hoping to catch an attacker off-guard. She hit nothing, lost her balance, and fell on her rump, her blind kick doing more harm than good. Even though the quick slash of somepony's knife had ruined her eyes outright, she couldn't stop fighting. The bloody, disembodied limbs of Granny Smith and Big McIntosh that had greeted her when she'd returned from her evening chores replaced her lost vision completely. She refused to let her last clear sight leave her - it was the only thing that kept her fighting through the pain of whatever had beaten, stabbed, and cut her all over.

Somepony's hoof collided with her face, but Applejack barely budged, offering only a groan and a much stronger punch at wherever the attack had come from. Something crunched sickeningly, and as something nearby hissed in furious agony the tired mare felt her insides heave, despite how satisfying it was to finally return a blow against whoever wanted to hurt her little sister - whoever it was that had already killed half her family. The rigid, brittle nature of her target reminded her of one particular wedding day, back in Canterlot. Changelings. What do changelings want with us? She knew she wouldn't live to find out. She knew some of them wouldn't live to go searching for Apple Bloom, and continued lashing out around her, trying to punch or kick wherever there was the slightest hiss or the buzz of wings.

Another hoof collided with her gut - she'd over-extended herself. Reflexively curling, she fell over just in time to feel a hard kick make contact between her legs, and couldn't contain a scream. Half agony, half fury, she staggered as she tried to get back on her hooves, only to find a jagged horn-tip glowing warmly with magic against her throat. The sensation spread, and she found herself being lifted and magically strangled somewhere above the ground.

"You have one more chance to accept our offer," a voice rasped at her. "Tell us where to find Apple Bloom or we will make your death long and messy."

Applejack was helpless. Pretty soon, the pain would start catching up to her, slow her down, wear her out, destroy her will to fight - let alone ability. She would be like a foal among timber wolves. She knew the changelings could make good on their promise. She knew she would suffer like never before, would beg for death, would be denied until her body gave out on its own accord. She knew she had no true choice.

"B-buck you," she choked out around the strangling spell. They wouldn't get her sister. Not again. Not ever.

She was moving - far too quickly, dragged by her neck with a force that nearly broke it. Applejack barely had time to groan in pain before slamming into a wall, and continuing straight through it. She screamed as several bones snapped all at once from the impact, then once more as she landed on her left side in a bed of hot coals. A metal door shut, with a grating noise all too familiar. As she struggled, cried, and screamed in her confined space, it came to her that she was in the fire pit under Granny Smith's oven. The grate for feeding the fire was opened and closed by a lever on the outside, and there was no way for her to escape.

A blur of smoke-filled coughing and screams passed by in fleeting seconds or lingering hours - the agony left her unable to tell the difference - she finally met darkness and quiet.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Applejack was surprised to wake up. In fact, after a moment of reflection, she was surprised to be alive at all. Maybe she wasn't? Maybe she was dead and there was a heaven, of sorts, after all. ... no, this would be Tartarus. No eternal paradise could hurt this badly. No pegasus angel would grind a hoof in her burns, causing her to scream and feebly thrash once more.

"Poor little pony," a changeling voice rasped. "I don't like doing this, you know. I'd much rather feed on love. I'd prefer not to hurt any ponies at all, but your condition gives me little choice. You are going to die, no matter what I do, but I can make it so. Much. Quicker." Each of the last three words was accompanied by a jab or twist in the wounds laid open, then cauterized, by fire, and a scream from the orange mare.

"Be honest, Honest Applejack. Be honest with yourself." Another jab, another scream. "You don't want this. You want this over with. Please, please let me end your pain."

"PleaAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" Applejack started, and was cut off by a vicious ... what felt like a bite in her burned flank.

"Please!" she yelled, starting to cry and stammer. "Please, please, please make it stop! Jus' kill me already!"

"Oh, I dearly wish that I could." A hard punch to some exposed organs wrenched another scream from the broken mare, followed by a stream of vomit. "But you won't let me. I can't end your suffering if you won't let me."

Applejack tried to beg for mercy, and found she could no longer form words. She babbled, praying the changeling would get the message.

"You haven't said 'please' properly. You haven't told me where Apple Bloom is."

The orange mare broke down crying. She couldn't take it anymore. She couldn't give away her sister. She wanted to die. She didn't want Apple Bloom to suffer ... whatever the changelings wanted her for.

"I know, it hurts so badly," cooed the voice of Nurse Redheart. Was she becoming delusional in her agony? "Let me take care of your sister. I promise to end your misery. Just tell me where she is. She needs to be looked after. My... my leg..." There was a pause, then a crunch. Clearly speaking with her mouth full, the nurse declared, "My leg is delicious!"

What in tarnation?! was all that Applejack's pain-addled mind could come up with. Hooting and cheers erupted all around her, some voices chanting Eat! Eat! Eat! while sounds of tearing flesh and grinding jaws grated on her completely frazzled nerves.

The changelings were ... devouring themselves. Even after what they'd put her through, the mare found herself vomiting sympathetically again and again until the sounds finally died down. All was finally quiet, until a soft voice whispered at her ear.

"We are sorry, Applejack. We came too late and we are so, so sorry."

"Princess Luna?" It wasn't trying to hurt her. Did that mean it wasn't real?

"Our night's embrace upon thee, My Little Pony." A chill fell over her, and she couldn't stop herself from shivering. "We can do little now."

"Where's Apple Bloom?" Applejack asked, insistently. She had loads of cousins and aunts and other such relatives, but Apple Bloom was her only immediate family remaining.

"Cutie Mark Crusaders Stargazers, yay!" cried three voices off in the distance. She could almost hear the smirk in Luna's voice, and the relief in the beats of her own wearied heart.

"Safe. We were with them when the attack began."

"What'd ya do? What happened ta all the changelings?" The bitter cold was growing; Applejack could no longer feel herself trembling, but her injuries, too, were going numb. Maybe she was dead.

"Madness is called 'lunacy' for good reason," the Princess said, softly. "Thou hast already heard more than anypony would ever care to. We apologize. Art thou beginning to feel warm?"

"Yeah. Uh, thanks, Princess. Ah... ah need a nap..." The mare trailed off into a yawn. Sweet Princesses, was she ever tired. Hesitantly, she asked, "Ah'm never gonna wake up, am ah?"

"No, My Little Pony. Thou shalt find rest and relief, and the lifting of the burdens of our world. Thou mayst never fear or hurt again."

"Ah j-just want mah family ta know, then... p-please tell them... ah did mah best. It w-weren't enough, but ah did mah best..." Applejack couldn't help but lay her head down. She could barely feel her body anymore, and sleep tugged demandingly at what was left of her consciousness.

"Hast thou forgotten thou art already many times a hero, Applejack? Thou shalt be remembered not only by thy family, but all of Equestria. So we swear." And then, to the delight of the dying mare's ears, the Princess of the Night began to sing, a gentle tune dancing with the lyrics of a lullaby.

Hush now, sweet child of the Moon,

Quiet now, Sandpony's coming soon.

It's time to lay in moon's beams,

Your sleepy head full of dreams...

Luna sang on, but Applejack heard no more.

To the Moon

"Uh, Sweetie Belle, are you sure this'll work? Not that it ain't a good idea or nothin', cause if we manage, we'll get our cutie marks for sure. But even Twilight Sparkle can't teleport to the moon." Sweetie Belle gave Apple Bloom a cheery shrug.

"How else are we supposed to earn our cutie marks in moon exploring? Scootaloo isn't able to fly us there - even Rainbow Dash can't do that - "

"Pfft. Rainbow Dash can do it. I asked her about it myself! She's just busy with Official Wonderbolts Business," said Scootaloo.

"Official Wonderbolts House-Sittin' for Fluttershy?" Apple Bloom asked, arching a brow. "Cause that's what mah sister said she's doin' tonight."

"Speaking of night, you know your Granny's gonna ground you for being out this late, right?" Scootaloo tried to distract the other Crusaders by pointing out the window of their clubhouse. The moon had been out for hours.

"Yeah, Rarity's going to ground me too. But we'll still see each other at school every day, and when this works, it'll be so worth it! We'll all have our cutie marks and it'll be great!" Sweetie started pulling things out of her backpack. "Anyway, I read a whole bunch of books about teleporting at the library, so I know I can make it work!"

"Yeah, and I got these," Scootaloo said, removing three small flasks from her own pack. "Miss Cheerilee said in class there's no air on the moon, so I told Zecora we needed these for diving."

"Uh," Apple Bloom started. She remembered all too well the lesson of her cutie pox: Lying to zebras never ends well.

"So, each of you drink one, and I drink one, and we won't need any air." Scootaloo chugged one of the appropriately sky-blue concoctions, Sweetie Belle sipped hers away quickly, and Apple Bloom sighed before using hers to wash down her misgivings.

"Right, so now we're ready!" Sweetie practically squeaked. "Teleportation in ten! Nine! Eight - "

"Hold on," Apple Bloom said, opening her own backpack. "You almost forgot the most important gear for Crusadin'!"

"Trail rations?" Scootaloo said, meaning the 'granola bars' from Sugarcube Corner that she usually brought along on the more involved Crusades.

"Esprit d'Corps?"

"Sweetie, what in tarnation is that supposed to mean? Aw, nevermind. Ah did pack all the other stuff, but you forgot our Crusader capes! So, it's a good thing Ah remembered." She drew the crimson cloaks from her bag, and solemnly, the three fillies donned their Crusading garb.

"Are we ready?!" Scootaloo cried.

"Ready!" Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle responded in unison.

"Three! Two! One!"

"Cutie Mark Crusaders Lunar Expedition! Yay!"

"Sweetie Belle, hit it!" Scootaloo ordered.

"One doesn't just 'hit it' in magic, Scootaloo! There's a great deal of - "

"You're soundin' like your sister again, Sweetie," Apple Bloom deadpanned, and the unicorn filly winced. "So, just teleport us, okay?"

"Well, okay," said Sweetie Belle. "Here we go!"

She concentrated, visibly pouring effort into the faint glow around her horn. There was a brilliant flash of light, and all three Crusaders covered their eyes. Then it was silent for a few moments... but only a few.

"Well, that didn't work." Apple Bloom sighed. They had all moved just a foot to Sweetie's left. "Maybe we should call it a night, like we didn't with Scoots an' flying."

"Hey!" the pegasus filly protested.

"Wait, just one more try. I know I can do this! I studied all afternoon, after school! I'll make it work this time, I promise!"

"Well, alright - "

"Yay! Thank you! I know it'll - "

"But you only get one one more try. An' if it don't work, Ah'm goin' to bed."

"Deal!" Sweetie Belle began to concentrate again, and this time, the glow spread from her horn more quickly, but also more steadily. None of the fillies knew if that was a good thing. "Here... we ... go!"

Another flash. The three crusaders looked around, when they could see again, then frowned to each other.

"It sure is dark. Are we there? I bet we're there. Wow, I did it! We're on the moon!" But in response to Sweetie Belle's enthusiasm, Scootaloo gulped.

"Uh, Sweetie? The moon's up there." Apple Bloom looked down.

"And... Equestria's, yanno..." The other Crusaders followed Apple Bloom's eyes, and saw Equestria. All of Equestria. Scootaloo had seen it, once, riding on Rainbow Dash's back.

"Uh oh," they said in unison. Then gravity awoke, and sleepily gave them each a little tug before rolling over in its bed. They screamed.

"Sweetie Belle, do something! Get us back down!" After a moment's focus, the unicorn filly groaned and cradled her head in her hooves.

"Ugh... it's no good! All I'm getting is a headache! I should have listened to Rarity about burnout!"

"Well, Ah can't do nothin'. Guess Ah should'a listened to mah sister 'bout sneakin' out late. Hey, Scoots, you made any progress on flyin'?"

"I don't think so," Scootaloo replied, buzzing her wings uselessly. "Besides, Rainbow Dash told me that if you're going too fast to break out of a fall, it'll just snap your wings, even if you do get it right."

"Unless somepony sees us real soon, Ah guess that's it."

"Nah, I'm sure Rainbow Dash will catch us any second now! She's always got my back!" They waited, eager eyes peeled for a sign of Rainbow - or any pegasus, for that matter. Equestria got bigger.

"Maybe Rarity can use her magic and catch us! Or even her friend Twilight! She's super powerful!" Again they watched. They started passing the occasional cloud.

"Hey, I think that's Ponyville," said Scootaloo.

"Makes sense, if Sweetie transported us straight up."

"Teleported."

"Whatever. You know, Ah don't think we're gonna be caught. That ground's lookin' awful close."

"Yeah, I guess not."

"Ah wonder if Ah'll get to see mah Ma and Pa again."

"Hey, you know what this means, right girls?" Sweetie said.

"What's that?" asked Scootaloo.

"Well, nopony knows for sure what happens after you die, right?"

"Ah bet the Princess knows."

"Yeah, but that's not the point! We're the Cutie Mark Crusaders, and we're going to find out! Then we can come back and tell everypony what it's like, and we'll get our cutie marks and be famous!" Sweetie Belle said with a grin. "Are you girls ready?!"

"Yeah!" the others replied in unison.

"Three! Two! One!" They all put their hooves together.

"Cutie Mark Crusaders Afterlife Explorers! Yay!"

Splat.