I Wanna Be The Guy: The Movie: The Game: The Story

by SliQster

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Crossover
Length: 6229

The Kid from the famous internet game "I Wanna Be The Guy", featuring 8-bit masochism fruit, spikes and moons, finds himself in Equestria. And stuff happens.

The Kid from the famous internet game "I Wanna Be The Guy" featuring 8-bit masochism, fruit, spikes and moons, finds himself in Equestria. His quest completed, his destiny fulfilled, he can either adapt to the pony lifestyle, or try to find his way to the land he once called home.

Comedy, adventure and all that jazz ensue. I hope you'll enjoy it.

[Tags added if need be]

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-10-01 21:50:01 UTC

Chapter 1: Dodging Moonlight

                                              I Wanna Be The Guy: The Movie: The Game: The Story

-“Oh, perspicacity incarnate. Please don't feel compelled now to tell me the story of "The Boy Who Cried Wolf.”

-”But my point is, if you lie all the time, nobody is going to believe you, even when you’re telling the truth.”

-“Are you sure that’s the point?”

-”Of course, what else could it be?”

-”That you should never tell the same lie twice.”

                                                         Chapter 1: Dodging Moonlight

The Kid had finally done it. His epic quest to vanquish his predecessor and become the next “Guy” had been completed. He had fulfilled his destiny, as his had father before him. He could remember the final moments of the nail bitingly hard fight he just had had against his most powerful and naturally deadliest enemy. Not because his father had used cheap tactics, or somehow had unbeatable powers, but because his father knew every move he did. As he had expected. They both had to overcome the same obstacles, at the same pace, and in the same amount of time.

The adrenaline was still coursing steadily through his veins. He could feel it, as he walked towards his hometown, his father’s very own “Very Small Gun” in hand.

The town was already in view. He was almost home. He could feel his cape moving in the wind. It didn’t take him long to make it to the town, and as he was walking through it, he could notice people, young and old, following him and ogling at him through the small windows.

He walked under his favourite fruit tree, only to notice a delicious fruit descending upon him with a much slower pace than normally. He simply moved out of the way of the massive fruit, respecting the deadliness of the obstacle. That is, if it indeed was deadly. He had opted to refrain from hitting the various delicious fruits during his quest, and wasn’t all too sure was it actually deadly.

And so he slowly moved out of the way, still looking at the delicious fruit, only to hear the crowd around him erupting in cheers. Smiling, he turned swiftly to address the townspeople. The people he had grown up with.

Only to be enveloped by the darkest darkness he could imagine. And then he lost consciousness.

                                                                     --S---Q---R--

The Kid opened his dreary eyes, only to immediately close them as the blinding light was too much for his sleep-ridden eyes. He danced around with his eyelids for a while, and finally mustered the courage to open them. He was looking up at a canopy of an unknown tree, rays of sun shining from every gap they could find. It felt like he was laying on moss, lot’s of it for that matter, on a slightly inclined plain. Not unlike a roof of a house.

Feeling awfully relaxed where he lay, the Kid was in no hurry to get up.

That was, until he heard a soft voice:

“Umm, excuse me mister. Why are you on my roof?”

The Kid tried to get up, only to fail miserably. He fell flat on his face. Or.. wait. Was it a muzzle? Luckily the moss took the brunt of the hit. The Kid took this moment to inspect himself, ignoring the voice he had just heard. He did indeed have a muzzle. A muzzle of a creature that was not human. Everything was coming back to him now. He checked his hands, only to find them missing. He didn’t have his legs either. Or, should I say, legs of a bipedal creature.

From the looks of it, he seemed to have turned into some form of pony.

The Kid’s battle-hardened nerves of steel prevented him from panicking. It’s not like stranger things hadn’t happened. Most notably the fact that this world looked much nicer. Must be an upgrade from 8-bit.

During all the commotion of checking out his new body, the Kid forgot that somebody had spoken to him.

He turned his head ever so slightly, only to notice a butter coloured pony with pink mane flying next to him, a little too close for comfort.

Both of them observed each other, for a time, until the other pony spoke again.

“Excuse me,” she said, clearly female, “B-but I was just wondering could you maybe, um, answer my question?”

To the Kid’s eyes, she seemed awfully jumpy. Perhaps she was just shy. After a while, the Kid finally spoke:

“I have no idea.” The Kid finally answered in his squeaky, yet somehow commanding voice. “Apparently I was sleeping. Where am I?” He asked, curiously.

The other pony recoiled a bit, as if not expecting the question.

“W-well, you’re on the outskirts of Ponyville. W-within the land of Equestria. On the roof of my cottage.” The jumpy pony answered, clearly disheartened by the fact that the barely-a-stallion didn’t know.

“Equestria, huh? Well, I suppose that’s fitting.” The Kid said, before adding “You wouldn’t happen to have some food, would you? I haven’t eaten in days. Or so it feels like.”

The female pony looked over the Kid, but before she could say anything, the Kid added, with a slight smirk:

“Some fruit would be nice.”

“Y-yes I think I have some fruit. Where are you parents? Why haven’t you had any food in days?” The other pony asked.

The Kid answered immediately.

“Well, from the looks of it, my mom is probably in another universe doing her own thing. And my father, the bastard he was, is dead.” The Kid paused for a moment. “What’s your name again?” He asked.

The butter coloured pony was slightly disturbed by the casual demeanour and malice with which the younger pony spoke of his father’s death.

“Oh, okay then. Do you want to come down off the roof first, though? You could hurt yourself up here. I-I’m F-Fluttershy, by the way.”

“Huh, weird name. Must be a 3-D thing. Okay, Fluttershy, I’ll come down, just give me a moment.” The Kid said “I just need to check one thing.”

The Kid looked around the spot he was laying in not too long ago. Sure enough, his Very Small Gun was nowhere to be seen. He was, for whatever reason, still wearing his blue shirt (the exact same colour as his coat), brown pants, and his trusty red Cape of Hero.

Fluttershy had already landed, and was waiting for him to come down, as if ready to catch the teenager if need be.

The Kid, however, chose to ignore the very clear and distinct ladder that was leaning on the side of the peculiar cottage. He slowly walked to the edge of the roof, already comfortable in his new body, and performed the most mind-bogglingly perfect backflip that Fluttershy had ever seen.

Before she could even gasp in fright, the Kid already stood next to her, seemingly in perfect condition.

“Something wrong?” The Kid curiously asked with a slight smirk, “You can fly. Compared to that, I’m sure my acrobatic skills are tame.” Pausing for a second, the Kid grumbled. “God knows I could have used wings like that…”

Alas, before Fluttershy could answer, the Kid had already entered her home, seemingly inspecting every nook and cranny.

“Wow, gotta say miss Fluttershy, you got a nice and homey cottage here. Smells good too! Like flowers. And shampoo. Maybe even some birch.” The Kid happily said, turning to face Fluttershy.

“Oh, well, thank you. I guess.” Fluttershy said, amused by the Kid’s antics. “O-oh. I don’t think I got your name? I-if that’s not too much to ask…” Fluttershy asked, timidly looking down at the parquet and ever so slightly crossing her front legs.

Tearing his attention from the cuckoo clock he was inspecting, the Kid turned around and answered.

“Well, I suppose I have two names now. But for the moment I can only see myself with one. My name is the Kid.”

“Kid?” Fluttershy asked, slightly confused. “Just the Kid? W-why would your parents name you something to g-generic? U-unless you don’t want to talk about it?” Fluttershy quickly added.

The Kid took a moment to answer back, contemplating his reply.

“Well, I suppose because in my world it was a name given to many heroes of destiny.” The Kid paused dramatically. He was always a sucker for that. “I always knew what I had to do, and when I turned fifteen, it was my turn. And I succeed.”

Fluttershy stopped slicing the fruit she had promised to give to the stranger, when she hear him say “his world”, and lifted her gaze.

“E-excuse me, but “your world?” what do you mean by that?”

“Oh, didn’t I mention? I’m not from this world. This is all new to me. I wasn’t even a pony until a short while ago.”  Grumbling more to himself than to Fluttershy, the kid added: “I’m pretty much used to it now, this body.”

Raising his voice again, he asked a seemingly innocent question. “Oh, by the way, what’s with the tattoo on the sides of your butt? Or flank. Whatever.”

Blushing a bit at how the Kid phrased the question, Fluttershy explained what a “Cutie Mark” was, what was it’s purpose was, and why everypony had them.

“Hey, that’s pretty cool. I wonder do I have one.” The Kid then proceeded to strip off the brown pants he was wearing, not too concerned by his nakedness, since it didn’t appear to be a taboo like in his world. Or maybe Fluttershy was just a nudist, he thought. That could explain the fact why she lives so far from the town that he could see out the window. “Well, I’ll be. I really do have one!” He said.

Fluttershy took this moment to glance at his flank, so she could see what his cutie mark was. It was actually quite detailed. A red cape, with a pitch black letter G on it. Next to the cape, almost too small to see, was an item Fluttershy didn’t recognize as anything else than the letter “L”.

But we of course know that it was his trusty “Very Small Gun”.

Fluttershy gave the Kid his sliced up fruit, and he immediately started gorging himself on it. Not too sure what was the proper way to eat, he simply lowered his muzzle into the bowl, and started eating.

“Oh my, you really are hungry, aren’t you?” Fluttershy said, a slight yet genuine smile creeping on her face.

“Yeah, I haven’t eaten in days I think. Thanks, Fluttershy.” The Kid replied, grateful at the kind mare’s generosity.

“Oh, no problem.” She said. In that same very moment, she could hear a knock on her door. Trotting over to it, she spoke through the wooden contraption. “H-hello? Who is it?”

“Darling, it’s just me, Rarity. We had a spa session scheduled for today, and I thought you would like some company walking over to Ponyville.”

Fluttershy immediately opened the door, and was graced by the sight of the beautiful, snow white Rarity.

“R-Rarity! I’m sorry, I totally forgot that we had an appointment today! I was, uhm, erm, occupied.”

Rarity’s eyes narrowed slightly. Not out of malice, but out of curiosity.

“Indeed? Occupied by what?

“W-well, I woke up today to a thump on my roof. I flew outside to check what it was, and there was a colt sleeping on my roof. He awoke, and we talked a bit. Apparently he hadn’t eaten in days, and I gave him some fruit to eat.” Fluttershy paused for a moment. “He’s probably still eating in the kitchen. Do you w-want to meet him?”

“Oh, but of course I’d like to meet him! Tell me, did you and this handsome devil have a good morning, hmm?” Rarity said, amused.

Fluttershy turned bright red. “O-oh, n-no. He’s j-just a teenager, um, so no... I guess…”

“A teenager? You have a child in your home, who hadn’t eaten in days?!” Rarity asked, shocked. Recovering quickly, Rarity said: “I want to meet this colt.” Not waiting for a reply, Rarity barged past Fluttershy, through the door frame, and trotted swiftly into the kitchen.

Rarity approached the kitchen, where the Kid was still gorging himself on the light snack Fluttershy had given him.

The Kid’s ear twitched, and like a sixth sense, he knew. After pulling his muzzle out of the bowl, he turned his head towards the approaching pony

“Hello.” He said, offering nothing more, nothing less.

“Well, hello my dear.” Rarity said, slightly taken aback by the fact that the other pony knew she was coming. Had he heard the conversation she had had with Fluttershy in the doorway? “Hungry, aren’t we?” She quickly added.

“Yeah, it’s been days since I last ate.” The Kid said.

“Why has it been days, darling? Don’t your parents feed you? Were you sick? What is your name?” Rarity kindly asked, slightly narrowing her eyes.

“This conversation again? Whatever. My mother is most likely in an universe parallel to this one. My father is dead, good riddance. I haven’t eaten because I was occupied by circumstances larger than I. And no, I was not sick.” The Kid then dipped his muzzle back into the bowl and finished eating what little there was left. “Oh, yeah. My name is the Kid.”

Rarity was surprised by the bluntness of the other pony’s answers. He was acting as if he wasn’t really interested by the… uniqueness of his answers.

“Well, thank you darling. That’s all I needed to know.” Heading out, Rarity turned back to face the Kid. “Tell me, do you have a place to stay? Fluttershy told me you were sleeping on her roof. My name is Rarity by the way.”

“Actually, no. When I awoke in this dimension, I was already on the roof. I didn’t go there because I wanted to.” The Kid answered. “Why do you ask?” He said.

“Oh, no reason. If you’re still tired, you can go sleep on the sofa Fluttershy keeps in that room over there. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind” Rarity said, pointing at an doorless, wooden archway with her right hoof.

“You know what? I think I’m gonna do just that.” Yawning, the Kid trotted over and through the archway Rarity had just pointed at.

Fluttershy was now standing next to Rarity. Glancing at the butter coloured pony, Rarity motioned her to come closer.

“Fluttershy, can I talk to you for a moment? Out of earshot.” She whispered. Nodding her acceptance, Rarity and Fluttershy trotted outside. Rarity sighed, and said: “I think this colt may have some serious emotional issues. He seems to think that he’s from another world, even though he’s clearly a pony. I think we need to be gentle with him, and try to find him some psychiatric help.”

“O-oh, I didn’t even think of that. Do you really think he is, um, i-insane?” Fluttershy said.

“Insane? No. Just confused and lonely. He has most likely created a false world around him. And it’s our duty to help a pony in need.” Rarity said after a moment, and quickly added “I suppose we could show him around Ponyville. The Nightmare Night festival will start in a few hours. We will get him help after dawn, tomorrow. It seems he even has a costume ready.”

“N-Nightmare Night? But I never go there! It’s s-so scary!” Fluttershy hissed back.

“Well, we are apparently the only ponies he knows for the moment. And what better way to start the acclimating process than to introduce him to a nice Ponyvillian festival?” Rarity countered.

“W-well, I suppose you’re right.” Fluttershy said, clearly not happy with the circumstances. “I-I guess I could try to come for his sake.”

                                                                     --S---Q---R--

The autumn dusk came quickly. Perhaps because winter was fast approaching. Or maybe Luna, the supposed goddess of the moon, raised the moon and brought forth the night more quickly than usual. It was her celebration, wasn’t it?

Rarity trotted over to the dark room the Kid was sleeping in the get the colt up. She could hear the tutting sound  ponies made when they were fast asleep, accompanied slow breathing.

“Erm, Kid, it’s time to get up. Fluttershy and I are going to show you around town.” She said with a soft voice.

Awaking with a jitter, the Kid moaned. “Ugh… Just five more minutes” He said, almost falling back asleep.

Rarity was used to this kind of behaviour. She had a sister who behaved in a similar fashion whenever she was visiting her.

“No. I’m afraid I can’t allow that.” Without waiting for a reply, Rarity flicked the living room light on.

“You won’t allow? Who are you to deny me anything? Last I checked, you’re not my mom or some government employee.” The Kid asked, now sitting up with an annoyed expression on his face.

“You are quite right. But I believe it would be good for you to see the town. There is a festival going on.” Rarity paused for a moment. “It’s a celebration called Nightmare Night. It is a night of spooky costumes, and other such nonsense. Nonetheless, it is still quite enjoyable.”

The Kid’s expression softened. Perhaps he had overreacted, considering it’s not even his house.

“Yeah, sorry about that. I made stupid assumptions. This isn’t even my house.” The Kid yawned deeply in between sentences. “But hot damn was I tired.” He quickly added after finishing his yawn.

The Kid pulled his shirt back on. A much harder task than taking it off if I might add. He had also removed his Cape of Hero, and was now fumbling with the knot he had always used to tie the cape to his back. With hooves this was quite difficult.

“Ehh, could you help me with this? I can’t tie anything without fingers.” The Kid grumbled, clearly frustrated.

“Well, of course darling.” Rarity said, igniting her horn and tied a knot for the cloak expertly.

The Kid’s eyes widened in surprise. “So that’s what the horn is for. Huh. Can you do anything else with it?”

“Oh, you don’t know?” Rarity asked. “Yes, I can do many things with my magic.” Pausing for a moment, she added: “My skill with magic is actually quite diverse. Most unicorns can’t do as much as I. I have a friend, though, that trumps my skill by far.”

“But her skill is, at least for the moment, miniscule compared to the Princesses in the capital city, Canterlot. They move the sun and moon after all.”

To Rarity’s immense surprise the Kid burst out laughing. He spoke with effort through his wheezes. “You’re..” Wheeze. “Telling me, that you believe that some sort of pseudo-deities move the sun and the moon?” The Kid wheezed again. He then added on serious note: “Well, the moon once fell from the sky in my world, but I still don’t believe it.”

Slightly outraged, Rarity snapped back.

“But of course I know! It’s what they do! It’s their special talent!”

The Kid, however, chose to ignore this and was already in the process of trotting out of Fluttershy’s living room. Without turning to face Rarity, he grumbled. “You comin’?”

Still not entirely happy with the direction the conversation had turned, Rarity simply huffed in acknowledgement at the teenager’s question.

Fluttershy had of course heard the one-sided verbal exchange, and went to see what was going on. Alas, she had been too slow to intervene and made it just in time to see the Kid exiting her living room. Before she could even say anything, the Kid had already thanked her for the place to rest.

“Y-you’re welcome. I-I m-might have misheard b-but, um, did you and Rarity just have a fight about something?” She paused for a moment. “That is, erm, if you want to talk about it.”

“Eh, I just pointed out something Rarity didn’t agree with. I don’t really care, so if you’re that interested you could probably ask her.” Now it was the Kid’s turn to pause. “And if you don’t ask, she’ll probably still tell you all about it.”

Without waiting for a reply, the Kid trotted out of the cottage, into the cool night air.

                                                                     --S---Q---R--

The journey to Ponyville was uneventful. The Kid trotted slightly ahead of Rarity and Fluttershy who were in deep discussion over the “blasphemy” the Kid has just committed. Personally he didn’t care. Gravity didn’t need the help of this magic to do it’s job. And believe it, the Kid knew all there is to know about gravity.

It didn’t take that long for the trio to trot over to Ponyville, at least from the Kid’s perspective, since he was deep in thought. Why was he sent to this strange land? Why was it necessary turn him into a pony too? And most of all, why did it feel so right? He had always know what needed to be done, and why. But now he was at a loss.

Perhaps he had a second destiny to fulfill.

He was brought back to reality when something pink zipped in front of him. Well, mostly pink. Right in front of his face. Apparently it was wearing some sort of chicken costume.

“Hi! My name is Pinkie Pie! You’re a new pony in town, and I haven’t seen you like EVER. This is so cool! What’s your name? Favourite colour? Cutie mark? Huh huh huh?”

Slightly overwhelmed by the bombard of questions, the Kid didn’t answer.

When Pinkie didn’t get even a peep out of the Kid, her smile fell a bit. She quickly added. “Aww, are you mute? That’s too bad! I could never go without speaking! I love talking! It’s so fun! Though this one time I couldn’t speak for like a DAY! It was horrible! WORST day of my life!” Did

she even breathe?

Needless to say, this pony was starting to seriously annoy the Kid.

Finally the Kid decided to answer. “Nope, I’m not a mute. But I wish you were. God. Leave me alone.”

Pinkie didn’t look disheartened, however. She just said: “Okay!” And proceeded to do as the Kid had commanded.

“That was very rude of you, Kid.” Rarity said. “There are much more civilized ways to get somepony to leave, such as asking nicely first.” She concluded.

“I don’t want her to come back. And nothing deters other peop... ponies than a little healthy anti-socialism.” The Kid retorted.

Rarity was swift in her reply. “Yes, well, civility is it’s own reward. Manners can go a long way you know.”

Now turning to face Rarity, the Kid annoyedly said: “Manners? She was basically an inch from my face. Either she is oblivious to societal norms, or she is just plain fucking stupid.”

Now it was Fluttershy’s turn to say something. “Y-you shouldn’t swear at your age.” She scolded. Fluttershy style. “And Pinkie isn’t stupid, she is just a very happy and… erm, r-random mare. The best way to get rid of her is to just ignore her...”

The Kid looked seriously at Fluttershy and said: “There is another option. We could kill her.”

Fluttershy gasped, but Rarity looked contemplative for a moment. As if seriously weighing the options. Shaking herself out of her stupor, she added, a little too quickly mind you. “No, we can’t possibly do that to Pinkie, we love our friend.” To emphasise her point, she smiled a slightly forced smile.

The Kid merely stated. “Your loss.” Then he walked away, towards an apple bobbing stand. Some orange mare wearing a scarecrow costume was manning it. Was everypony in this town female?

“Howdy there pardner, bob the apples and try ya luck!” The orange mare said with a thick accent.

“How much?” The Kid asked.

“One bit, but since this is the first time Ah’ve seen you, Ah’ll give you one complementary try, free o’ charge.”

Not one to look a gift horse, or pony in this case, in the mouth, the Kid decided to go for it. Well, actually he wasn’t the most trusting type, but a growing hunger influenced his decision.

Just as the Kid was about to start bobbing for the juiciest looking apple he could find in the bucket, he stopped. His battle hardened instincts kicked into high gear. Without even seeing the direction of the dinky lightning bolt aimed at his flank, he still dodged flawlessly. His instincts still on autopilot, the Kid then proceeded run to the nearest wall he could see, and wall jumped towards the low-hanging black cloud. The jump was child’s play. While in mid-air, he readied his forehoof like he would ready a fist, and brought it down on the unsuspecting cloud. His hoof didn’t hit foggy mist like he expected, but something very much solid. The forehead of a pony.

The force of his punch was almost epic. The pony crashed through the dark cloud and hit the ground with awesome force. It was a sight to behold.

The Kid, of course, landed flawlessly with a parkour roll and immediately trotted under the now disintegrating black cloud. Under the cloud was a knocked out pony, a mare from the looks of it.

Shifting his gaze downward yet again, cape fluttering in the autumn breeze, the Kid walked over to the body of the mare. She was wearing a badly stitched skintight black costume. He could see she was still breathing. He knew not her intentions, but he doubted they were good to begin with.

As he was inspecting the body, he could hear fast approaching hoofsteps. He turned towards the sound. As he expected, Fluttershy and Rarity, who were standing a ways off in the the distance while he attempted to immerse himself in the festival’s activities, were galloping towards him. Perhaps to congratulate him for the role he played in catching the vandal mare.

Or so he thought.

“Kid! What have you done?! Is she alright?!” Rarity screeched at him.

Fluttershy didn’t even bother saying anything to the Kid, and ran right past him and started tending to the knocked-out pegasus.

“R-Rainbow Dash? C-can you hear me?” She quietly asked the lifeless body, which had just started to stir.

“Ugh, Fluttershy..?” Rainbow Dash said. “Did I just get into another flying accident? My head feels like it’s been been drilled from the inside out…”

Fluttershy took a moment to reply. “N-not a flying accident, no. You were, um, hit. Really hard.” Fluttershy opted to pause. “You probably h-have a concussion. We need to get you to the hospital.”

“For once, Fluttershy, you won’t get any argument from me.” And with that, Rainbow Dash lost consciousness again.

While all this was happening, the Kid was on the other end of an verbal assault from Rarity.

“ --- And what in the name of Celestia could have possessed you to do such a thing! You might have permanently injured Rainbow Dash!” Rarity yelled, fiercely trying to get her point across.

The Kid had had enough. He had heard her point of view, and now it was time to give her his.

“Furthermore, such brutish behaviour...” Rarity yapped on and on, only to be interrupted by a simple “Be quiet” from the Kid.

“I won’t be interrupted by the likes of…”

“I said, be quiet.” The Kid paused for a moment, confirming that he had Rarity’s attention.

“There, now that you are done with your narcissistic rambling and actually paying attention, I can tell you this: She attacked me. With lightning.” The Kid waited for a response, and when none came, he continued. “Where I’m from, pretty much everything wants you dead. Thus the extreme response. You can’t blame me for something that wouldn’t have happened if your friend would have been a more adept combatant and finished me off with a single blow, if that was her goal to begin with.” The Kid explained.

“And besides, I didn’t kill her.” He finally added. “She seems to be more than alive.”

Before Rarity could even think about what the Kid had just said, the sky went black. Very black. Clouds were unnaturally twisting and turning towards one point in the sky, directly adjacent to the moon itself. Something was approaching, fast.

Two fearsome looking ponies, clad in armour, bat wings, and snake-like eyes, were pulling the object which turned out to be a carriage. Actually more like a chariot. It didn’t have a roof like one might expect a carriage to have. The chariot hovered right above the Ponyville town square.

And then, a large hooded form hopped off. It walked for a bit, as if scoping out it’s surroundings. Turning it’s cloaked head from side to side, quite possibly for dramatic flair, it removed it’s cloak in one clean swipe.

It was none other than Princess Luna.

Well, the Kid obviously didn’t know this. But he would, soon enough.

Luna raised one hoof to address the crowd that was paralyzed with fear. All the ponies were bowing to her, as was expected since she was a member of the Royal family.

All except one.

“Citizens of Ponyville! We have graced your tiny village with Our presence, so that you might behold the real Princess of the Night! A creature of Nightmares no longer, but instead a pony who desires your love and admiration!”

The speech was obviously prepared and well rehearsed in advance. Alas, the Princess made a critical mistake; she spoke with her eyes closed. The fearful ponies around her took that opportunity to bail out of her gaze. Well, except Pinkie Pie who seized the chance to cause more mayhem. Something about Nightmare Moon wanting to eat them. And then even the foals ran away.

Luna was not happy with this turn of events, she searched and found the cowering Mayor, still clad in her usual clown costume, and stated: “The Princess of the Night hath arrived!” Unbeknownst to her, which can once again be attributed to her speaking with her eyes closed, she pointed at the Mayor with her hoof. Which was then, as was expected, seen as a hostile action on her part. This caused even more ponies to flee, amongst them the most curious ones.

Now alone, or so she thought, she merely huffed. Standing in place, her mind kicked into high gear. She had to figure out what she had done wrong. Perhaps it was the voice? Or the way she spoke? She was a thousand years behind the times, after all.

And so she stood, in the middle of Ponyville, working out what had gone wrong. Then somepony spoke.

“Creature of Nightmares?”

Luna turned around to face the pony who had just insulted her. What she saw, however, wasn’t what she expected. There stood a pony, leaning against a nearby wall. He was stallion, though just barely.

“How dare you call Us such vile names, knave?” Luna demanded.

“You misunderstand, madam. I was merely asking what you meant by it.” He answered.

“You… you do not know who We are?”

“I’m afraid I don’t, madam. Probably somepony special since you have a horn and wings.” The stallion looked to the side of her. “Hmm, your tattoo is the moon. Oh! Are you this “Celestia” I’ve heard so much about? I’m the Kid by the way.”

Luna looked at the Kid with mixed feelings. She was glad he wasn’t running away, but she was also slightly insulted that he did not know that she managed the night and that her sister managed the day.

“We are the immortal Princess Luna of the Royal Equestrian Diarchy. We raise the moon and manage the stars, whilst Our sister controls the day.” She said.

“No, you don’t. That’s just religion.” The Kid answered.

Needless to say, Luna was scandalized.

“How... How dare you?!” She shouted. “Cease thy ridiculing of the Diarchy or face Our wrath eternal! What do YOU presume to know of Us, or Our magic?! We are an immortal alicorn Princess! We hast been around much longer than thou, child!” The royal Canterlot voice echoed in the empty streets.

The Kid wasn’t too intimidated by the display, however. He merely stood there, in silence, contemplating his reply.

“Ah, We hast gained your silec-” The Princess started to say, only to be interrupted.

“An incredibly wise immortal once said: If pride starts to give you pause, then perhaps you have lived long enough already.”

Luna took in a sharp a sharp breath. This child was talking down to her as if she were a commoner, making assumptions, and flat out insulting her.

“We have had enough of your verbal abuse, mislead child. Where are thy parents? We shall give them a piece of Our mind.”

“I have none. Unless you can open a portal to another universe.”

“Thy lies will not help you now. We shall make sure thy flank is grounded for months.” Luna smirked, and trotted off.

“Grounded? Ha! Good luck with that madam.”

Luna stopped mid trot, and turned back to face the Kid. “We… sense that you are not lying. Then We have no other option, We shall take you to the Canterlot dungeons. You will stay there until you have apologised to Us, Our sister, and anypony else you might have insulted.” Luna paused. “We shall teleport you there now. Prepare thyself.” She concluded.

The Kid’s eyes widened. Prison? For words? And teleportation on top of everything? Last time he did that, it wasn’t a pleasant experience.

Needless to say, he wasn’t going down without a fight.

The Kid waited for Luna to aim her horn to cast the spell. As it was charging, he saw his opportunity, an opening. Luna had closed her eyes to cast the spell, so he deducted that it took some effort to cast. The beam shot from her horn. At that exact moment, the Kid leapt back a long way with a flip.

The beam hit the ground, and a sizable chunk of the ground disappeared, most likely teleported into a random cell in the Canterlot dungeons.

Luna lifted her gaze, only to notice the gaping hole she had just made. She saw the Kid standing a long way off from where he was previously standing.

“Cease resisting arrest at once, cur!” She yelled.

“Or what?” The Kid retorted.

“Or... We shall take you by force!”

“You’re welcome... to try.” The Kid said, smiling.

And so the chase was on. Luna flew above the buildings, slightly impressed with the acrobatics display the Kid was giving. He would wall jump from wall to wall, backflip from roof and sidestep her magic with which she tried to grasp him with. Even if she would never admit it, it was the most fun she had had since her return to Equestria.

It was also quite entertaining for the Kid, but he knew his luck was about to run out. He was running out of cover, mainly buildings, and his only chance to escape was to somehow make it into the dark forest just beyond the other side of the town. He managed to somersault off the roof of a house closest to the edge of the forest, and land adeptly on the hard ground. He made it in, just in the nick of time, and saw Luna flying over him.

He ran in the enveloping darkness, planning to hide until the time was right for him to come out. But then something caught his attention. The canopy started to break, and more and more moonlight was spilling out through the branches. He could see a clearing. He trotted for a while longer, navigating solely with the light directly in his destined path. The clearing wasn’t far from the town, and it even had some sort of shrine or statue in the middle of it. A statue of a fierce looking, clearly malicious, mare.

The Kid had to appreciate the artwork. The attention to detail was astounding. She even had fangs.

It was in this one moment of distraction, that he failed to notice his hunter, and found himself pinned under the larger pony who was chasing him.

“Ha! We hast caught you, knave!” Luna said, triumphantly. “You shall find thyself in a dungeon of Our choosing in a moments time.” She added.

Luna stood up, and it was in this moment that the Kid saw an opening. He spun around on the ground, causing the Princess to lose her balance and fall. The Kid took this opportunity and tried pin the immortal Princess down, only to be lifted off his hooves by an cold blue aura.

Luna looked at the Kid with a mixture of fury, respect, determination and judgement.

“We shall add assaulting royalty to your charges, cur. Enough games, no matter how you try you shall never be able to escape Our binding aura.” With that said, the Princess aimed her horn at the teenager and cast her spell. And in a flash, the Kid was gone.

Luna laid down on the grass, in front of the statue of Nightmare Moon, unsure if she was welcome back in ponyville. She stayed there, wallowing in self pity because of her failed attempt to gain respect from her subjects, amongst many things.

And thus she stayed there for a while.