The Interview

by Mondai Shunketsu

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1962

An alicorn princess goes in for a job interview. Wait, she's not a princess?

Her name is Ova Bearing. She's the boss of a company that I can't tell you the name of. It probably doesn't matter though, because if you don't survive the interview, there's no chance you'll even get to find out. An alicorn tries to though, with better-than-expected results!

~Marza

Special Thanks to my Proofreaders-
Vocal Brony & Empire of Silverstein

Published 2013-10-04 04:40:04 UTC
Last updated 2013-10-04 04:40:04 UTC

The Interview

“Welcome Ms. Sue, my name is Ova Bearing. We’ll begin your interview process in a moment,” the cream coated unicorn said. She brushed aside a slew of papers with her magic while she hoof picked a violet ink pen from the collection in the jar in front of her.

“Thank you for considering me for the job Ms. Bearing,” the alicorn across the table said. She had to quickly fold her wings in as the sudden excitement limited the already cramped space. She chuckled, but Ova simply smiled back. "You will refer to me by my given name after the interview though, correct?"

"Yes Mary," the unicorn replied plopping a folder on the desk. She removed the contents with her magic while she rummaged through the drawer below with her hooves.

"Well, I look forward to getting started. It's awfully nice to consider an alicorn for this position Ms. Bearing," Mary complimented with a grin.

“Yes, well we pride ourselves in giving everypony a fair chance to be accepted." Ova averted her gaze from the manila folder below to the mare in front of her. "After all, it’s not every day somepony comes in as nicely dressed as you are Mary.”

“Oh, thank you so much,” the alicorn cheered. “I wasn’t sure if I should’ve come in my Sunday best, or perhaps something more casual.”

“If you came in casually it’d match the state of my office!” Ova laughed loudly, slamming her hoof on the table as she did. The vibration spread throughout the whole room, shaking the filing cabinets on either side of Mary.

“It’s a nice fitting black blazer,” the unicorn said smiling. She brushed a strand of hair away from her eyes. Her hooves danced lightly over the purple dress shirt she wore. “It looks a lot comfier than this stiff thing.”

“It was a gift from my mother,” Mary replied. “It matches my mane, so I’m told.”

“Yes, your fiery red crimson mane,” Ova sighed. “Puts my nappy brown to shame.”

“Fiery… oh no Ms. Bearing,” Mary chuckled. “My mane is a deeper brown. I would think the red would stand out too much if I was wearing that with the blazer.”

“It’s not red? I’m sorry my dear, it must be my astigmatism. I can only see black and red.”

“I don’t think that’s classified as astigmatism…” Mary said brushing her neatly combed mane back.

“Yeah, I apologize. That portrait behind you, I stare at it each day,” Ova said prompting Mary to look. Mary turned around, examining the crudely drawn cartoon of a red alicorn wearing spikey black armor.

“You stare at it and…?” Mary inquired.

“I hope you don’t take offense,” Ova responded suddenly. She rose from her seat and trotted over to the picture. “My son drew the picture, and it’s funny how accurate he is ya know?”

“Yes… quite odd,” Mary said carefully. “You do know my coat is a softer tan right?”

“Anyway, I noticed the necklace too,” the unicorn said removing the picture. She had to slide by Mary as she returned to her seat.

“It must be great having the latest fashion trends just line your closet,” Ova muttered.

“E-excuse me?” Ova waved her hoof in the air and cleared her throat. Promptly looking down, she hummed to herself while Mary fidgeted in the chair opposite her. The clock overhead ticked obtrusively into the silent room.

“It says here that you were top of your class in grade school,” Ova read, startling Mary. “Enlighten me. Shouldn't be hard for you.”

“Well,” Mary began hesitantly, “I was home schooled by my mother until the second grade. It was then that I decided I wanted to go to public school…”

“Where was your father?” Ova interrupted.

“My father… My father was always at work,” Mary replied dodging her eyes to the left and right.

“So he wasn't a soldier in the royal Canterlot army?”

“N-no, of course not, He was a very simple man, but what does that…?”

“A simple man, perhaps a simple assassin. He worked undercover and helped expose a scandal involving the princesses and a foreign nation. When Celestia figured it out she made him the captain of the guard rather than execute him because of his military prowess. Then he died tragically while your mother secretly taught you his ways so that you could avenge his death when the insurgency revived.”

Ova methodically clicked her pen for the next few seconds. Mary blinked and cleared her throat.

“No, Ms. Bearing. My father was an accountant. He did work with the princesses, but not directly under them,” Mary explained. Ova nodded with narrowed eyes, biting the end of her pen as she reclined in her chair.

“Enough about tragic pasts, tell me again of your intelligence.”

“Tragic? Uh, going back to school then… I wanted to go to school to make friends since being home schooled was a little disheartening for me,” Mary said.

“Were you an alicorn then?”

“No, I didn’t become an alicorn until after…”

“Until after you unlocked the secret of friendship? It was the many friends you ended up making in your school years that led you to realize your full potential,” Ova cried out tossing her pen.

“Full potential?” Mary cocked her brow.

“The pressure of being the new foal didn’t stop you from making your mark on school history Mary. No, I bet you got into a fight with the toughest mare in your class and set her straight. It was the training you received from your mother!”

“Ms. Bearing that is completely…”

“No, no, no, I’ve seen it before. Your demonstration of leadership in turn forced you two to be great friends,” Ova continued.

“I met my best friend in class. We shared an assignment together and just clicked,” Mary said from the side.

“There wasn’t any fighting or enlightening epiphany?” Ova asked. Mary shook her head slowly and peered towards the door behind her.

“Why is that locked?”

“So, you naturally glided through your classes and came out on top. It was in your inherit nature huh?” Ova asked straightening her mane.

“Actually no, I struggled a lot in algebra so I had to hire a tutor.”

“Algebra? Algebra in grade school? You were a genius,” Ova uttered lowly.

“There were twenty more students in the class. It wasn’t that hard,” Mary said flatly. “And I think I mentioned I was in the top 50 of my class, not at the top…”

“So after hiring this ‘tutor…’”

“Why did you put quotes there?”

“…You found out that you were actually a princess in a far off kingdom, and that he was your guardian pony. He had been watching you all this time…”

“Can we stop?”

“…And then it was the perilous journey with a set of already established friends that helped you unlock your alicorn state.”

“Ms. Bearing, I’m feeling rather uncomfortable about this,” Mary said rising from her seat. She nearly smacked her head on the low ceiling. The bleached walls did not help lower the alicorn’s anxiety.

“You’re right, I’m sorry,” Ova stammered out nearly knocking her jar of pens over. “It’s never easy discussing things that scar our childhood.”

“I’m sorry, what…?” the tone in Mary’s voice dropped an octave or two.

“Let’s move away from personal things,” Ova said flipping through the resume again. “We’ll talk about your past employment. How was it working with Graze Corp.? I notice you were with them for a few years.”

“Yes, Graze Corp.” Mary sat down again and shifted into a comfortable position. “For what it was worth, they led me to believe it was a wonderful job, however I soon discovered that their methods were less than pleasing.”

“What exactly did you do?” Ova asked, swiveling in her seat.

“I… I uh, I was in charge of processing the grass for the smaller plants in the country,” Mary was able to say after focusing on the blank board behind her interviewer. “I looked over plant production and maintained morale in the factory, but I’ll tell you it wasn’t as easy…”

“So you were naturally an effective speaker?”

“I practiced a lot,” Mary began to say, however a hoof rose in front of her face.

“Say no more, I feel your empathy bleeding into me already. From the moment you first related your origins till now, I just believe you’d be a wonderful person to work with.” Ova inhaled in sporadic breaths releasing the air in small short gasps.

“Are you… all right Ms. Bearing?” Mary wondered reeling back a little.

“I’m fine. I’m just so moved by your testimony.”

“Are you mocking me?!” Mary shouted suddenly.

“Hold on!” Ova’s voice shot out rather jarringly. “Wow, I can just feel the chemistry. We’ve only met for a few minutes and I think you’re amazing.”

“Ms. Bearing, if it’s okay with you, I’d like to maybe reschedule our meeting.” Mary said rising again.

“Anything for you Mary Sue, you’ve got the job.”

“N-no Ms. Bearing, I think you should give it to somepony more qualified than I,” Mary said trying to unlock the door.

“Who’s more qualified than an alicorn princess…”

“I’m not a princess Ms. Bearing.”

“…who grew up a natural born leader…”

“Could you please stop?”

“…and risked life and limb to save her very country?!”

“When did that even come up?!”

“Ms. Sue, if it’s not too soon, I think I’d like to ask your hand in marriage,” Ova proclaimed jumping on top of the table.

“I’m already married!” Mary began bucking at the door.

“He doesn’t have to know,” Ova replied trotting closer. “It’ll be like all of those times you and Mr. Right professed your love, yet only had a one-night fling. Except this time, you feel the same way towards me for some unknown reason!”

“Ms. Bearing!”

“Oh, I love it when you say my name…” Ova moaned tracing her neck with her hooves. Her body jolted suddenly as she knocked the folding chair in front of her against the wall.

“Get me out of here!” Mary lit up her horn and released a condensed burst of magic. The initial explosion rattled the office sending papers everywhere.

“Wait…!” Ova coughed, peering through the dense smoke. “We aren’t done yet! I still haven’t told you that we’re secretly sisters!” Silence pervaded the room as the dust began to settle. Finally the cloud vanished. Ova Bearing magically began picking up papers and straightening the room. Faint hoof beats could be heard from the hallway and a knock presented itself outside of the massive hole in the wall.

“May I come in ma’am?” a delicate voice requested.

“Enter,” Ova commanded rather than permitted.

“It seems Ms. Sue has fled. She handed me her money and valuables, then tore up the contact information I asked of her before the interview.”

“Good,” Ova said without looking up. She was scribbling something on the ruined resume.

“Your next interview is in an hour Ms. Bearing. I’d suggest cleaning up before then,” the pony said sweeping some debris with her tail.

“Who is my three o’ clock?” Ova raised her head then, sliding the marked up paper into the trash.

“A Mr. Storm Lightning,” the pony replied reading from a clipboard. Ova sighed and gave her secretary a bemused smile.

“Very well then. Follow procedure and give him his interview name,” the cream coated unicorn ordered.

“Mr. Gary Stu, I presume?”

“Yes Marza, how many times must I say it? You’ve been here three weeks already.” Ova reclined in her chair and spun about.

“I’m sorry ma’am, I do have my flaws.”

“That’s the truth. They’re as evident as your appearance. I wish more ponies could be like you.”