Winter's Afternoon Sitdown
You sit in the alleyway as close to the fire as it will allow, trying desperately to keep warm. If the Crystal Empire wasn’t always freezing enough during the winter, it sure is today. The chilling air hangs heavy with the gray skies pouring down icy flakes and pelting hail. Your lungs suck in the frigid air and you gasp with pain in mid-breath. As your visible breath escapes your mouth, it almost appears that it’s turning to ice along with the rest of the dropping hail. Your body shivers violently, having only a rough, tattered tunic to cover it from the blizzard-like weather.
With just one, small fire, you can only keep one side of you warm at one time. So you turn around for the umpteenth time so the fire can unfreeze your numb backside. Suddenly, the numbness of your back is replaced by a burn from the flames’ heat that rudely awakens your sleeping nerves, and your overheated front is introduced once more to the exacerbated, biting cold. The pains on both sides won’t pass, and you hug yourself tighter as you pray for the snow to stop after it’s been going for hours.
The falling snow has been collecting on your shoulders, and as you feel them start to weigh down, you sacrifice the warmth of your extremities to save those from frostbite. A thousand needles prick you when you brush off the snow, and you quickly wipe it onto your tunic, which is starting to collect ice itself. You don’t have to worry about wind concerning the side opposite to the fire because it’s bounded by a stone wall, but the other end of the alleyway is blocked only by a cotton sheet that you hung up earlier to block the view of street-goers, just in case anypony insane enough to be out here now crosses by.
Suddenly, the wind picks up and rushes through the sheet. It howls like a feral wolf that has found its prey.Yet, as the icy wind hits you, you can only moan in agony and hope it passes soon. In this state of heightened misery, you try to retreat into your mind to escape, but as soon as you do so, the bitterness in your heart bites at you three times colder than even this snowstorm. You remember why you are here in the first place, a memory that you were firmly avoiding. Nonetheless, it comes back, permanently imprinted upon your soul.
You didn’t do anything to deserve this; you’re a good person. You might have broken a few rules here and there, but who were they to tell you that you couldn’t do that? You didn’t hurt anybody. You just saved your own property from the greedy crown that wanted to squander it on worthless projects. Granted, you weren’t exactly going to tell anypony about this when you did it, and when the tax collectors came knocking on your door, you did almost make it out of the city, but that means your only “crime” was resisting arrest. It was your money and the crown didn’t have any right to tell you how you should spend it.
Yet for all that you argued and complained, even when you stood before the princesses themselves unafraid, they just took it from you in the end. But that wasn’t even it. They took more than they should have, and before you could blink, your bank account was completely empty! Righteous fury welled up inside of you, and you decided to do what was right. Stealing into the palace, you took back what was rightfully yours from the treasury; you even let them keep their “share.” Yet somehow they knew; somehow they discovered the justice you had done in secret, and the princesses finally committed the ultimate evil: they banished you from Equestria.
Forced into the Crystal Empire, you decided to be the better person, put the matter out of your mind, and start a new life here. You arrived in autumn, but to your surprise, it quickly turned to winter, and still nopony would give you a job. Everywhere you went, the people whose minds were poisoned by the Equestrians’ decree turned you away until you had no other place to go. And the days turned from brown and orange to grey and white. To make matters worse, you even have to hide your presence, as it sounded like the city guards didn’t approve of the homeless— as if that were some kind of crime too! The cold is too much for any sane person to bear. But here you are anyway, threatened by the frost both in body and in spirit.
When the arctic wind finally passes, everything is quiet again, and you sigh in temporary relief. Maybe that was the worst of it. It seems that the snowfall is lighter than earlier, and though you still shake and quiver in the hostile environment, you slightly relax your tight bear hug on yourself. As time goes by, the fire seems to burn less, and even the sky somehow seems less gray. Even in your narrow view, obscured by the adjacent buildings you are between, you are able to see faint pockets of sunlight piercing the clouds. You let out another sigh of relief and turn around to face the fire and the sheet.
Your heart skips a beat. The sound of hoofsteps in the snow pierces the dead silence, and a burly, male voice not too far away says, “I am sure they were this way, your highness.” The hoofsteps continue their approach, and your nervousness intensifies when two sets of hooves stop right in front of your enclosure. Fearing that the guards may have found you, you hold your breath, but then that fear turns to sheer horror. You realize that the fire must be announcing your position to the whole city, when the sheet was supposed to be concealing it from civilians like you had hoped.
With your heart pounding in your chest, you look behind you and gauge the height of the wall. If you jumped, you just might be able to climb over it. Knowing that you have little time to spare, you look back and freeze but not because of the cold. Standing right in front of you is a tall royal guard, a unicorn dressed in the country’s silver armor with twice the muscle you have. He takes a single look at you and says to the pony accompanying him, “And here we are, your majesty.”
It is actually not so much the sight of the guard that drives you to panic, but instead the one whom he addresses. She has a kind but blissful smile on her face, and her eyes gleam with a vibrant purple. Her coat is colored a soft pink, and the locks of her mane are a light rose, yellow, and violet, rolling into bouncing curls at their ends. Her physique is delicate indeed, but you have to hold back a gasp when you see a pair of wings tipped with the matching violet as well as a horn twice the length of the guard’s.
This divine form becomes even more shocking, when you easily recognize the regalia and symbols she bears. A diadem of gold with points curved rests atop her head, and around her neck she bears a necklace of the same fashion. Finally, horror and realization meet when your eyes fall on her flank, on which is emblazoned a cutie mark that boasts a heart of pure diamond, embedded in a frame of pure gold. Surely, this is Mi Amore Cadenza, princess of the Crystal Empire, unchallenged leader of this region.
When the electricity in your chest loses its sting, your heart is still threatening to burst of out of your breast. Whether or not you did anything worthy of arrest here, the empress herself stands in the threshold of your makeshift doorstep, and you can only imagine what she has come for, though something tells you that you’d rather not find out. You may not have been exiled from the Crystal Empire proper, but it seems you aren’t welcome here, if she herself hunted you down like this. With so little time to react then before either the awesome magic from her horn or the body of this burly guard descend upon you, your only option appears.
You turn around as fast as possible and jump with all your might, just barely taking purchase on the top of the wall above. At that moment, you hear the princess call out, “Wait!” and the guard, “Halt!” yet in your frenzied panic, your front limbs have ample strength to lift your heavy mass up, and you vault over the stone barrier. The ground on the other side quickly rushes towards you, and you strike it with jarring force. Seeing the exit of the alley on the other side, however, the impact is barely felt. Your legs take off towards the freedom of the streets leading to the edge of the city. If you just reach there, you can certainly make it to the suburbs.
With this hope you charge forward and the stones of the alley walls fly past you. Soon, you reach the corner and practically sail around it. The sun breaks through the clouds and pours light into your eyes. The way ahead is clear. Not entirely familiar with these streets, you rush down the left side through the empty market district, wincing as you breathe in large gulps of cold air. For a moment, it looks like you might have a straight shot to the city limits, but then you hear a sound like thunder behind you. Against your better instinct you glance behind.
To your horror, you count five royal guards charging in full armor towards you. Chills run down your spine, but there’s no time to be afraid. You look forward again and run harder, with each passing second making you more and more aware of the stallions’ thundering, compared to the progressively softening sound of your step. And with each step, you feel great urge to give up. The guards are probably well fed, but you can’t remember the last time you ate. You can feel it as what little energy you have left starts to ebb away.
Then as you pass by a group of buildings, your heart leaps up in your throat when you hear what sounds like more guards in front of you. True to your fear, fifty feet ahead a second company of armor-clad soldiers rounds a corner and barrels towards you to close a pincer. Looking behind frantically and seeing that the ones behind you are also closing the gap alarmingly fast and seeing how there’s no way you can go around those in front, it looks like it might be all over. However, looking around frantically, you suddenly see that not ten feet to your right, there is another alleyway. Seeing it as your only option, you change course and take off towards it.
The gap flies towards you as fast as before with your panic-driven speed, and you quickly see that there is a clear left turn in this alleyway. You rush into it and shoot around the wall. As soon as you do so, you suddenly see in front of you an arch, the very one at the front of the city! Seeing that you are so close to being home free, a second wind hits your tiring body. You steal through this last passage with all your strength and reach the end.
But just as you do, you see a burly figure step into your way from around the corner. You slam into him with shocking force against his heavy armor, and slump down immediately on the cold, hard ground as the blackness of unconsciousness overtakes you.
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You feel a soft cushion against your head. It feels so much better than the walls and cardboard you’ve been using for pillows all this time that you can’t help but rub your cheek against the soft fabric. Wait, you think. Something is wrong here. You open your eyes quickly and see another figure in front of you. You sit up slightly and then nearly jump out of your skin again when you recognize that shade of pink and that cutie mark again. You’re sitting in a living room, and right in front of you is Princess Mi Amore Cadenza. Where the heck are you?
“Well, you’re in the castle,” the alicorn answers with hesitant sympathy in her voice. “After you fainted, we couldn’t leave you in the snow.”
Gradually, the memories of what just happened come back to you, and you recall the panic of being practically hunted down. But what for? Why are you even here?
“Well, I just thought we could have a little talk,” she says.
Why? You ask. A chill creeps up your spine as you ask this question. Princesses don’t deal with people like you. What did you do wrong? Is it a crime to be homeless?
“No, of course not,” she says apologetically. “You didn’t break any law in the Crystal Empire. I just couldn’t leave you out there like that.”
Then they didn’t arrest you, and you can leave?
“Well, yes,” she says, “But I hoped we could talk first.” Her voice quickly rises with a tone of hopeful pleasantness.
You ignore her and turn around. Seeing a door behind you, you get up and head for it. There’s no reason to be here any longer. Associating with royalty, especially those on this level in the hierarchy is a mistake. But when you reach the door and turn the knob, you find that it’s locked. You whirl around at find the princess smiling as though she’s amused. This is confusing. If you can leave, then why is the door locked?
“I thought you might try to get up and leave like this,” she answers. “I just want to give you a chance to think, before you go.”
You don’t want to be discussing your recent business with Equestria, which is why you’re here, you know; so you explain to her it’d be best if you left.
Still, she smiles and says, “Come on. Think about it. Do you really want to go back out there?” She points to the large window on the right side of the room. It’s snowing again and the glass is almost totally covered in frost.
No, you really don’t want to go out there. An involuntary sigh escapes your lips, and you regretfully walk back over and sit back on the sofa opposite her.
Slowly, she unfolds and extends her right wing. Then she raises an unshod hoof and moves it towards herself, beckoning you to sit beside her.
It takes a second before you see her intention. When you realize it, you scoot over to the left side of your couch as far away from her as you can. You can talk with her if you have to, but there’s no way that you can cuddle up against somepony who would throw you into the dungeon just as easily as she would feed you a meal.
Seeing your reluctance, she giggles. There is a charming and beautiful note in her laughter that somehow seems to lessen your mistrust of her. She seems so friendly. Quickly, you have to take caution and remind yourself to be on your guard. A small chill creeps up your spine as you start to convince yourself. She’s acting nice now, but if you don’t yield, that laugh will become a sentence to your doom. Nonetheless, she sees the scowl that’s crept up on your face in defense. She twitches her wing, waving the feathers around and renewing her invitation. “Come on, frownypants. I know that you’re still cold. Let’s get warm.”
A snort of disapproval almost lets itself out of your nostrils. The familiarity in her voice was nearly infuriating at first. But as the seconds passed by with the offer still on the table, you realize that the room is a little chilly. Oh well. It’s probably best to not make her angry. Slowly you get up and lay your rear down on the other end of her sofa, leaning into the end away from her.
She looks at you with a smirk and rolls her eyes. Unfortunately for you, her wings are long. She leans over just a little, and the end of her wing catches your far shoulder. With little time for you to react, she gives you a little nudge towards her. The appendage is stronger than you thought. To keep yourself from falling directly onto her, you have to take purchase ahead with your front limbs and then quickly shift your posterior towards her. In the end, you’re right beside her, just like she wanted.
Up close, her wingspan seems even larger now as her right one wraps itself completely around your side. You find yourself pressed against her cozy fur on one side and with her strong, though incredibly soft wing on the other. When she shifts the appendage, you can feel each of the many feathers gently caressing you. Despite the awkwardness of the situation, you cannot help but feel relief as the warmth from her body seeps into yours.
When your body reacts, moving positively against the feeling, she laughs again and asks, “Was that so hard?” A twinge of loss passes over you. You don’t want to give her the satisfaction that you’re enjoying her company, but your body is betraying you. Still, her cheery mood is starting to get to you, and you can’t find a clever but conservative response. Instead, she asks, “So, what brings you to the Crystal Empire?”
The question strikes you as odd. She already knows that you’re homeless. Moreover, not many ponies are exiled, so it’s likely that the princesses of Equestria told her about you. Then you realize ... she knows exactly why you’re here, but she just wants to hear you say it. A charge of anger burns through you uncontrollably, and you can’t help but tell her with spite. You kept what was yours and got caught trying to get it back.
“Oh,” she says with a voice that somehow retains its blissfulness. “I remember you. You were exiled.” You guessed it spot on. Now she’s playing games with you. So what will she do now? Is she going to kick you out too?
“Well, I’m glad you came here. Whatever you did, I’m glad to welcome you as my subject if you are truly sorry for what you did.”
Sorry? Why in Tartarus would you be sorry? You didn’t do anything wrong. You pleaded innocence and you’re going to stand by it.
The princess turns her head and looks into your eyes. She doesn’t look angry. In fact there’s an amused confidence in her eye. “You think what you did was right?” she asks.
The answer couldn’t be more clear. You lived in Canterlot for a long time, but it didn’t take any more than a few months living with nobility to answer that for you. In Canterlot, you look out for yourself, and you beat down anypony who tries to stop you before they do the same to you. There’s always that strange group of unicorns like Fancypants who say that honesty gets you places, but you know that they’re just liars and thieves themselves. There is really only one law: true justice is looking out for yourself and making sure everything works to your advantage. If you have to do something questionable to get that advantage, you better do it. Just make sure that nopony can prove you did it. The only reason you’re in this position now is that you made a mistake, and somepony found an advantage in ratting you out.
The empress hears your thoughts on this, and you are expecting her to lash out at you. But to your surprise, her expression softens and she smiles. She speaks and her voice comes out in a mix of compassion and understanding. “Do you really think that justice is all about looking out for yourself?”
After all you’ve been through, you are more than certain the answer is yes.
“Well, I’m sorry you feel that way, but tell me, do you think it’s a good thing to obey your princess?”
Why would it be? Princesses are just like everyone else. They do everything they can for their own good, just like everypony else, and they make laws to secure their own advantage. If you say that it’s right to follow princess’ laws, then you have to assume that they can’t make bad laws. But that’s totally wrong. Princesses can make bad laws, and following those bad laws that don’t even work for their own benefit is injustice.
This seems like common sense, but the pink alicorn just shakes her head. “So you think that all we princesses do is what’s good for ourselves?”
It sure looks like it to you.
Princess Cadence looks at you for a moment, and then asks, “Have you ever been sick before?”
You blink. What kind of question was that? Who hasn’t been sick?
“And when you were sick, did you ever go to the doctor?”
You almost snort with the sheer obviousness emanating from that question. Everybody’s been to the doctor.
“Alright then,” she says with a newly cheerful note in her voice. “Did the doctor help you get better?”
Isn’t that what doctors do?
“So then did the doctor practice medicine to heal you, or did he do it to get money?”
It first occurs to you that the doctor did it to heal you, but then you remember he only did it to serve his self-interest. If you hadn’t paid him, he wouldn’t have healed you. He had to have done it for the money.
She shakes her head at this, but her tone doesn’t change. “Oh, come on. Don’t be that way. Doctors practice medicine right?” That goes without saying. “But why was medicine created in the first place?”
This question suddenly sends an uneasy feeling over you, and you think you might know where she’s going with this. Something tells you that you don’t want to answer, but then her wing rubs your back reassuringly. The feeling of the soft feathers gliding over you again is tranquilizing, and it makes you somehow content with answering anyway.
When you tell her the obvious, she asks, “So then if nopony was sick, then doctors wouldn’t exist, right.” You know that they wouldn’t. “So then doctors are there to help people, right?”
You don’t really have another choice but to agree. It takes you a moment of reluctant hesitation, but then you have to say that she’s right.
She smiles and happily says, “Very good. So then is it hard to say that princesses rule in order to help people, and not to help themselves?”
You can’t respond for a long time. The obvious answer hits and then starts to itch like a mosquito has bitten you. As the seconds pass, the implications of what Cadence is saying start to bother you until your annoyance becomes progressively more unbearable. Soon, the fear you have of her starts to fade out and is replaced by anger. What kind of craziness is she talking about? Of course princesses only rule for their own good. It seems insane that you’re even having this discussion. Eventually you can bear the mounting frustration no more.
You throw her wing off of you and stand up, staring her in the eye with rage abundant. Who is she to tell you all about people’s motivations? Princesses are the strong, whose purpose it is to prey upon the weak, just like the bat ponies care for and fatten up sheep, so they can later use them for themselves. Princesses would take all of their subjects possessions away if they could, but they know they can’t because that would mean they couldn’t take even more away later. They are thieves just like everypony else in the end. The only difference between them and the common street pickpocket is that they are smart about what they steal.
You sputter these ideas at her, as best as you are able to convey them in your own words, with the blood rushing furiously through your veins. You’re tired of having ponies try to cheat you after all this time, and you’re sure as hay aren’t about to say that the very rulers that sent you into this horrible mess now didn’t do it just to take everything you had away for themselves.
Having accused her of daylight robbery, you are sure now that she’s going to throw you into the dungeon. But how can you be afraid of that? At least they’ll feed you in the dungeon. Still, despite your confidence, oddly enough, Princess Cadence only laughs again, and says, “Ok, calm down. Sit with me, and let’s talk about this.” She rubs the space next to her with a hoof.
For a moment, you don’t even consider sitting back down. How can you share a seat with one of the people who ripped you off and threw you out into the cold? But she seems adamant on it, and continues to beckon you like before. You stand your ground at first, but as the chill from the sweat from your episode starts to set in, you start to want to be back there again. There’s a moment of conflict, when you fight between giving her more ground and your own physical comfort, but then you decide that you taking her warmth up is just as good as stealing from her anyway, so sitting with her wouldn’t be a sin.
After the soft cushion of the seat and the warmth of her body return to you, she starts again, still using that condescendingly joyful tone that only makes you angrier as the seconds go by. “So you mean that we princesses only rule to get more money?”
This seems to be evident to you after what the Equestrians did to you.
“But doesn’t getting paid mean that they did a service?”
You have to agree, but you know that doesn’t mean that they would do their job for charity.
“But you know that as a princess, I get a fixed salary, right?”
You knew that, but you didn’t really think about it until now. It still doesn’t change anything. More tax money doesn’t mean more bits in their pocket, but it does mean more that they can control.
“Let me ask this then: If I make a bad law, and people suffer for it, do I get paid less? Or do I control more or less money?”
You pause at this. Once again, that uneasy, sinking feeling passes over you. You know she is wrong, but you can’t help but feel she’s about to go somewhere very unpleasant. Though when she looks at you with her kind, purple eyes, gently demanding an answer in the most infuriating way, you finally stammer out through gritted teeth that she is right.
“But what if I make a good law that ponies all around benefit from?” the princess asks. “Do I get paid more then?”
You are compelled to say that she doesn’t.
“Then do you think I do it for the money?”
It seems you’re compelled to agree. In the absence of an alternative, you are lost for a moment, wondering what else to say. When she doesn’t press you for anything else immediately, you are left to think and wonder how you can reconcile this. You know that she receives some benefit from it but what is that benefit? Then it occurs to you that she must do it for the glory. Every day you always remember having to bow to the princesses as they passed through the streets. You can only guess the pleasure that they would get from it. That must be it then.
Cadence giggles at this, to your intense disdain. “Do you think my subjects are happy when I act all high and mighty around them?”
You sure aren’t.
“Then doesn’t it only make it harder for me if I rule with an ego?”
This refutation exhausts your patience, and you cannot help but get madder. What else is there? What other benefits do princesses get from ruling? She smiles and directs your view downward. You look around until you finally get fed up with looking and ask what it is she wants you to see.
Then Cadence finally says, “My cutie mark, it means love. Didn’t you know?”
Seething wrath wells up in you at this. It comes upon you like a storm, washing freezing rain water onto you. What does love have to do with this? Never mind that she has a mark of it on her flank. What does that have to do with ruling?
Ignoring the hate in your outburst, she answers, “I never wanted to rule as a princess. But I was trained do it anyway, because nopony else could do it the way I could. I didn’t like the idea either just like you. My job was to tell people what they could and couldn’t do, but I wanted to help people if I could. I wanted to make their lives better. That’s what made me happy.
“But when I came here and saw how people were after Sombra’s reign, I knew that I could help them. They were afraid. Sombra taught them how to fear, and because of that they did bad things. But I know that love is what destroys fear. Sometimes that meant I had to punish ponies for being evil so that the victims would be comforted. But I always did that with love so the ponies who did bad things wouldn’t be so hurt that they would do more evil. And now I’m so glad that I rule the Crystal Empire, because ponies love me back. They want to obey me because I care for them, and they protect me just as I watch over them.”
As she speaks, gradually the anger begins to fade from you. When you perceive the sincerity in her voice, you ask how it is that she could be lying. Everything she says makes so much sense. How she loves her people is evident, not only from her words now. You begin to see it: how the crystal ponies love her back. You’ve heard them talking about her in the streets and all the good things they say about her. What she says is true.
And in the end, you are left with an empty feeling. Why didn’t you feel that kind of love in Equestria? How is it that Cadence gets some benefit from being good to her subjects rather than bad? For that matter, why can’t the same work for you? You remember you were once in that crowd, back in Equestria, when you did good, until the stronger unicorns stomped on you. Why didn’t people love you there?
And then it finally occurs to you that you never really did try all that hard to do anything for anybody else without expecting something in return. You always did your best before, but that was always when you knew people would reward you because of the return they got. Yet somehow it sounds like Cadence loved people first, and then they loved her back. And finally the worse realization hits you: she isn’t the one freezing in the snow when there are still bad people in the country. How many ponies are like you, who want bad things to happen to the princesses for their misfortunes? And yet the princesses are still here, unharmed. In fact, they are all the more happy because of it.
At last, you finally start to think about how you stole from the princesses when they were doing their just duty, and you remember how you tried to get away with it, and how angry you were because of it. Then it dawns on you that you were in the wrong, and they were simply doing what you gave them no other choice but to do. A somber and cold chill sweeps over you as you realize that you deserve all of this, and all the pain of the position you are in.
As you sit there at the pink alicorn’s side, she takes notice of your gloomy, glazed over stare. But instead of gloating over her victory, she lifts her hooves and puts them around your neck. Then as she pulls you into a full, comforting hug, both of her wings wrap around you, and she says, “It’s okay,” knowing what is going on in your mind. “You don’t have to worry about all that anymore. I don’t care what you did in the past; I love you.”
Her words pierce your cold heart like a spear. What kind of crazy pony loves an evil person? What insanity is this that she loves you, a total stranger and an exile? You try to rationalize it, but it doesn’t make any sense. The sheer confusion is overwhelming beyond what you can stand.
Then she says it again. “I love you, my subject.”
Tears finally spring up in your eyes, and when she rubs your back soothingly, it’s all you can do to not lose control. All this time people have hated you, and you hated them back. You thought you were among the enlightened, one of those who knew the end justified the means. But this princess, this person whose job it is to punish evil is hugging you like you are her dearest and most cherished friend.
Finally, you let go in her embrace. Despite how strong you are and what you’ve gone through, despite how you haven’t cried in so many years, you start bawling, crying like a newborn foal. It starts with just a few shaky sobs, but eventually you’re practically wailing. You feel a twinge of embarrassment, as you think that this isn’t acceptable behavior, but she just hugs you tighter and coos in your ear, utterly destroying any restraint you once had.
It is a long, emotional and cleansing cry, as you feel like all the stress and torment of the years that you’ve experienced when you held back your cries of pain is now washing away. In the Crystal Empire, you no longer have to be afraid of anypony trying to harm you or steal from you or tell you that you’re worthless. And you have an alicorn princess to protect you from that. What remains therefore is lasting peace, and the relief of that realization is so intense, that you cannot help but cry all the harder.
Eventually your shuddering sobs in her embrace die down, but she just keeps rubbing your back reassuringly and telling you that it’s going to be alright. The flow of tears gradually stops, and you find it within yourself to return the hug. The intimate moment continues for a lasting eternity, so it seems.
Then finally, Cadence draws back. Once more with her happy voice and cheerful smile, she looks you in the eyes and asks, “So, how would you like a job in the palace?”
