SCP-███

by Journeyman

Rating: teen
Tags: Horror, Random, Crossover, Gore, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark
Length: 23874

Why does Equestria seem so peaceful? Because it's our job to lock up all the monsters. Behind our walls lie demons, darkness, and all the keys to set them loose. Welcome to the Foundation.

This is not our world. We are a grain of sand on the beach. A star in the fabric of the midnight sky. We share this world with horrors beyond imagining and comprehension, but the Foundation cannot ask for aid. We are alone in this war. We trudge through the darkness so that the world can enjoy one more day in the light. We do not steal the truth, we secure the truth so people may live normal lives. We do not lie to protect ourselves, we lie to contain evil and danger. We do not rule, we protect the innocent from the juggernauts of the earth. It is our destiny to suffer so that others may go about their lives in peace.

We Secure. We Contain. We Protect.

- “The Administrator”

Picture by the seriously NSFW Ask Murdershy tumblr

Published 2013-10-22 00:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2018-04-01 18:36:44 UTC

Security Clearance Authorized. Opening "SCP-009 — Living Nightmare"

Item #: SCP-009

Object Class: ~~Euclid~~ Keter

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-009 currently resides at Site-16 in the mind of a host (dubbed SCP-009-1) in a chemically-induced coma. The containment chamber is placed at the bottom of a ~~fifty (50)~~ two hundred (200) meter elevator shaft. SCP-009’s containment chamber is a standard 5x5x5 meter cell equipped with automated life support for SCP-009-1.

Should any damage be present in the primary or secondary cell walls, SCP-009 must be moved to a prebuilt cell of identical design. Preceding the transfer, Site-16 must undergo a full evacuation of nonessential personnel. The evacuation must not be called off until SCP-009 has been safely transferred. A site-wide mandatory 50mg injection of █████ amphetamine solution will be issued to all remaining personnel. Any personal who display symptoms of SCP-009 other than SCP-009-1 will be terminated on sight. An SCP Foundation-licensed psychologist must be on site at all times for any individual who works near SCP-009’s containment chamber.

Any host for SCP-009 must have all limb tendons severed to prevent their use in case of awakening from sleep. All unicorn horns shall be surgically removed. Under absolutely no circumstance is SCP-009-1 to die or be under the threat of termination. Any D-Class that becomes host to SCP-009 is exempt from termination. Any Foundation employee that becomes SCP-009-1 will have all security clearances reset and their ID tags destroyed. Should a site-wide containment breach occur, the elevator shaft will be remotely disabled if the security of SCP-009-1 cannot be assured. Any occupants will be terminated via gas dispersal in order to lessen SCP-009’s chance of escape.

Only Level-4 or higher medical personnel are allowed to enter SCP-009’s chamber at any time, and only under unanimous approval by the O5 Council. Any emergency interaction (i.e. intense trauma or degrading medical conditions of SCP-009-1) must be preceded by alerting Site Director ████████ and the O5 council of the situation, and issuing a general Site evacuation of all nonessential personnel. Any unauthorized personnel demanding access to SCP-009’s containment cell will be terminated on sight.

Should SCP-009-1’s physical and mental status be in question or be near death, a D-Class individual will be brought to SCP-009’s containment chamber and injected with a 50mg ████████ solution to induce sleep as an offering for a new host. ~~Should SCP-009 wish to speak through SCP-009-1, sedation of SCP-009-1 is momentarily disallowed for the purpose of intelligence gathering.~~ SCP-009-1 is to be immediately sedated (See Addendum 009-4). This process must be overseen by no less than one (1) member of the O5 Council. A site-wide mandatory 50mg injection of █████ amphetamine solution will be issued to all personnel. All who resist injections will be terminated. Under no circumstance shall researchers or any other pony or individual with a higher security clearance than four (4) approach SCP-009’s cell, save for medical personal, lest SCP-009 gain access to such confidential information.

Although incorporeal, SCP-009’s ability to “jump” to hosts is markedly more difficult as distance increases. The top of the shaft is guarded at all times by no less than four armed security personnel. All guards must have a minimum of eight hours of sleep within the last ten hours preceding their shift at SCP-009’s cell. Each guard is given a 50mg dose of █████ amphetamine solution to ward off REM sleep. Under no circumstance are any guards allowed to sleep on their shift, lest SCP-009 has a chance of escaping. If any guards are suspected of approaching sleep, they are to be immediately escorted away from SCP-009’s cell. Refusal to do so is grounds for immediate termination.

Embedded Agent [REDACTED] will submit Princess Luna’s dream warden schedule to Site Director ████████ two weeks in advance in order to anticipate any astral interference she may produce. Upon the eve of such a date where the princess’ astral form will come too close to Site-16, Mobile Task Force Omega-7 “Dream Warriors” will converge on Site-16 to provide added security.

It is their primary duty to mask all nightmares SCP-009 produces from the Princess’ attention via magical astrael shielding. Should any nightmare become of significant strength and primary measures fail, it is Omega-7’s secondary duty to enter the dreams of civilians outside of SCP-009’s area of influence and induce nightmares as a diversion.

Should secondary fail-safes prove ineffective and an Omega-7 member is discovered in the astral plane, a registered Level-3 Foundation medic will awake the sleeping agent with sleeping salts or ammonium carbonate. Embedded Agent [REDACTED] will then penetrate Castle Canterlot security and awaken Princess Luna. This will result in the agent’s loss of cover and [REDACTED] will self terminate to keep Foundation secrecy. Site-16 will use the borrowed time to transport SCP-009 to an alternate facility.

Description: SCP-009 is currently contained in:
► ~~Geologist~~ [REDACTED]
► ~~Captain Stark~~
~~►~~ [REDACTED]
► ~~D-027~~
► ~~Doctor Sable~~
► ~~D-0192~~
► ~~D-92636~~

(See Document 009-2773 for a complete list of known hosts). SCP-009 is a noncorporeal entity that manifests itself primarily in the dreams of those that it inhabits.

The entity has no known physical body and freely alters its appearance for the torment of its host. SCP-009 gains complete control over a host when it sleeps, but usually restricts its influence for personal torture. Although no physical scars or wounds ever result from SCP-009’s activities, it’s cognitohazard influence incurs extreme mental and psychological trauma in its host. Over time, this hyperstimulation creates physical damage through psychosomatic stress up to and including: tachycardia, hyperventilation, fever, fatigue, limb paralysis, weakened immune system, organ failure, and death.

Although SCP-009 is easiest to contain while its host is asleep, its abilities are also at its maximum. When its host is asleep or unconscious, SCP-009 is capable of stimulating the audio and visual cortex, hypothalamus pain sensitivity, cerebral functions involving touch, and most other voluntary and involuntary muscles and sensations (See Document 009-2386 for full catalog of abilities). SCP-009’s finds sadistic amusement in using its abilities to inflict trauma on its host. As of this time, no means of destroying SCP-009 exist, as termination through cardiac arrest due to extreme mental trauma or by Foundation measures only expels SCP-009 from its current host.

SCP-009 drawn as one of its nightmare incarnations before its host was rendered unconscious

When SCP-009-1 is awake, SCP-009’s effects are diminished due to need the need to fight a conscious mind, but no host has been capable of resisting the subject’s influence indefinitely. It usually attempts to force its host to sleep, but is still capable of inducing cognitohazard ailments up to and including:

► Startling and/or horrific hallucinations
► Feelings of intense unease or distress
► Fatigue and sleepiness
► Paranoia
► Dementia
► Phantom pain

SCP-009 has shown some degree of dominance, coercion, or manipulation towards conscious subjects, usually under the threat of psychological torture; subjects are forced to bend to its will under the threat of pain. ~~SCP-009 has the ability to communicate to agents and researchers by its host proxy, but does not often request to do so in the few moments before it is brought a new host. All SCP-009-1 hosts must undergo immediate sedation if the subject does not wish to communicate. Over the course of these brief moments, SCP-009 has made increasingly more persistent demands for hosts with stronger mental fortitude, declaring it is more entertaining to break individuals who resist its influence.~~ All communication with SCP-009 is disallowed.

Containment History: Under a routine investigation of urban and rural myths, SCP researchers discovered a long-standing superstition in the Zebrican savannah concerning a cursed underground cavern. All zebras avoided the cavern, for any who entered never returned. Archival records insist the forest contained this property since records in the area existed. The savannah in question was first settled twenty-four hundred (2,400) years ago.

Mobile Task Force Kappa-644 “Dust Devils” proceeded to the cavern under cover of darkness and established a temporary base of operations. Geologist [REDACTED] and anthropologist [REDACTED] investigated the caverns under armed guard and discovered hundreds of corpses in varying states of in decay from recent to long-term dead (See Addendum 009-1 for more details).

After finding over a hundred confirmed corpses, including those from [REDACTED], the team returned to camp for the night. After only an hour, the geologist started displaying extreme aggravation and paranoia, claiming he could feel insects crawling under his skin and something looking at him from the darker portions of the caves. The Kappa-644 medic attempted to restrain the geologist, but was rendered unconscious after he fought back. Stating that the medic was actually trying to poison him, [REDACTED] attempted to kill him with a stone and was terminated by Captain Stark.

Fearing the cavern may have certain memetic or cognitohazard properties, Kappa-644 was ordered to return to base while a team outfitted for such measures was dispatched. Over the return trip home, Captain Stark began displaying signs of paranoia and hallucinations, but in a much decreased capacity. Recognizing possible memetic contamination, full memetic quarantine was placed in effect before the team’s return. Upon a quick nap, Captain Stark did not awaken. After eighteen hours of sleep, the captain was forced to consciousness with a 50mg █████ amphetamine solution. Captain Stark awoke in an extremely frightful and agitated state, declaring he was under constant torture from an unknown entity.

Captain Stark started to display panic, declaring he could see some unknown entity in the room. Slowly, saying he was under threat of even more torture, Stark spoke as the entity’s proxy with a negotiator (See Addendum 009-2 for transcript). SCP-009 declared it wanted fresh victims, saying that the dangerous and paranormal experiences of the SCP Foundation and the oddities involved give it fuel for nightmares beyond any superstitious individual. A deal was forged with SCP-009, providing it with a continuous stream of hosts if it remains in containment. SCP-009 has willingly remained in containment ever since.

██/██/████
Ever since the containment breach on date [REDACTED], SCP-009 was reclassified as a hostile Keter threat. No more bargaining with SCP-009 is to be attempted.

Addendum 009-1: Audio transcript of the ███████ caverns by geologist [REDACTED].

I see very typical limestone caverns hollowed out from ancient rivers and flooding. The walls are speckled with Schistostega pennata moss and lichens. I see a few others from my university days... Can’t remember the names for the life of me. I’ll leave a written reminder once my memory returns.

This place has been inhabited in the past. Can’t quite say how long until the archeologist returns. Can’t remember his name. I’m so terrible with names.

Place looks older than shit. Kinda rustles the jimmies a little. I’ll have a better estimate on the age once I take a couple samples. Initial guess... I’d say ten to twenty thousand years.

The lower levels echo with running water. That’s not surprising; desert savannas sometimes flood in heavy rains and these caves are a convenient drainage point even without underground rivers. I’m going down there now with a few blokes armed for combat. Upper levels show signs of past inhabitation, but we can’t find a soul anywhere. I want to get an estimate on how deep this place is before I start taking samples.

The sound of water is getting louder the deeper we go. You know, I don’t see that many zebras or griffons or gargoyles work Foundation security. Why is that? Is it just me, or is the Foundation kinda racist? Now one of the blokes is glaring at me. Shut the hell up, this is my log, not yours.

Coming across an underground riverbed about forty meters below the surface and I’d say... a good three hundred meters walk? That sounds about right. Ground is littered with silt and silica particulates. Very fine grain sand and silt one would expect from weathering via water and–GOD DAMN!

(Unintelligible sounds of protest from the security detail)

Is that... is that real? I read the historical report, but mother’s milk in a cup, that scared the shit out of me! Is there more than one? There’s two over here. Hey, check around the bend. Right around the pillar over there. Yeah, where your light’s pointing... goddamn... there’s got to be close to a dozen just here.

Uh... we just stumbled right onto a pile of corpses. Right on top of us. Like somepony shat them right on your face close. Anthropologist is running down the tunnel with a couple more guys. He’s looking them over now, saying that these poor bastards have been dead for at least a good decade. That’s good; don’t want them dead too soon. Don’t want what did them in to still be here. At least we got an idea about what happened to some of the missing victims.

Anthro dude and the medic – Helios? – is looking them over now. They’re saying that some bone fractures were caused by blunt forced trauma. Not enough meat on their bones for a cause of death, however. Holy shit, though. Nearly walked right into one leaning against the wall. I see another with his – her? – head caved in over a rock. Ugh, half of its skull is collapsed. Nasty.

(Sounds of somepony beckoning the group)

That bloke is calling us over. Looks like he’s seen a ghost. Hey, we’re down far enough I think the dead might hear us. I don’t know what the fuck compelled these jackasses to die right on top of each other, but anthro and medic pony said that some of them died at least thirty years apart from each other. What in Celestia’s name would make you decide to kick the bucket right next to a pile of corpses? This shit ain’t right.

Around the bend is...

(Everypony is silent for approximately forty five (45) seconds)

...May the gods have mercy on us... uh... fuck... right. Anthro? Medic? Will.... yeah, do what Stark said... We... we are looking at... FUCK! WHAT IS THAT!

(Captain Stark responds)

I have no idea...

Well... for the record, this is fucked... We are... looking at a wall and floor plastered with bones and blood. I will sever my nuts if there are less than fifty bodies right in front of me. By Celestia’s flank, they’re scattered all over the goddamn place. The walls are painted with black paint... what? You’re fucking with me. I swear to whatever god you pray to you better be fucking with me...

The medic is saying that’s not black paint... it’s coagulated blood. Blood is plastered on the walls. Fucking everywhere. It’s like some cloven-humping, shit-eating transvestite’s idea of a sick joke. It’s all framing some kind of phrase: “Maybe you will have a lovely little dream...” Some poor bastard next to the wall who looks as old as fucking Starswirl the Bearded if he dropped dead and aged a billion years. He’s holding his own fucking femur and it’s stained with blood. THE FUCKER WROTE THIS WITH HIS OWN GODDAMN LEG!

NO! FUCK YOU, STARK! YOU DEAL WITH THIS SHIT! I”M FUCKING GONE! I deal with rocks!

(Sounds of a struggle. Audio ends)

Addendum 009-2: Transcript of conversation between Captain Stark, and Agent “S”. Captain Stark is currently under memetic influence of SCP-009 and is very fatigued, despite eighteen hours of sleep. Due to memetic quarantine, the interview is overseen by Director ███████.)

Agent “S”: Alright, this is now on record. I will help you, Captain, but please, calm down, and speak slowly. Now, repeat what you just said.

Captain Stark: (Very fatigued and upset) I... uh, there’s something in my head. Something speaking. It’s real. I... I know it’s there. The same thing happened to [REDACTED] before we had to terminate him.

Agent “S”: Can you describe what is with you?

Captain Stark: No... it keeps changing.

(Captain stares at the opposite wall for several moments.)

It’s right there... (Note that security footage shows nothing where Mr. Stark indicates)

Agent “S”: I believe you, Stark. I can’t see it, so it’s only showing itself to you. Now, what else can you tell me?

Captain Stark: It’s... it’s hard to describe. Hungry?

[DATA REDACTED]

(Captain Stark is screaming in pain, clutching his throat. Agent “S” is attempting to stem the flow of blood from a wound across his temple)

Agent “S”: Hold him down! Secure him! No! No, no sedation! Not yet! Stark, you have to listen to me. Can you communicate with this entity!?

Captain Stark: (Strapped to the table, pained) Y-y-yes... it says... it likes us. It feeds on us like a parasitic predator.

Agent “S”: It requires substance?

Captain Stark: ...A-amusement.

(Agent “S” begins to speak, but is interrupted by Captain Stark. The captain starts speaking to a blank corner)

What? W-why? (A look of fear crosses the captain’s face) Yes, yes! I will! I’m sorry!

Agent “S”: Captain?

Captain Stark: I-it wants to... to make a bargain.

Agent “S”: (Hesitantly) And the terms of this bargain?

Captain Stark: U-us. An offering. Individuals to cultivate nightmares.

(The captain screams again. Heart rate and blood pressure are spiking. It should be noted that Captain Stark is reacting to extreme pain, but has not been dealt any surface or deep tissue trauma.)

Agent “S”: Sedative! Mild one! I need him conscious!

(The medics on standby comply, but injections do not seem to help)

Stark! The bargain! What is it!?

Captain Stark: (Unable to respond)

Agent “S”: STARK!

Captain Stark: Ussss...... It wants one of us.... host...

Agent “S”: Why?

Captain Stark: Fu-fu.........fun.... It wants a plaything to control...

Agent “S”: (Hesitantly) And in return?

(Captain momentarily loses consciousness. Medics induce consciousness with smelling salts)

Captain, if it wishes to bargain, that implies it wishes to give something in return what is it?

Captain Stark: C-c...

Agent “S”: Stark, stay awake! Don’t fall asleep!

Captain Stark: (At this, Captain Stark jolts upward, agitated) Sleep. No, sleep is bad. It’s stronger when you sleep.

(Captain Stark screams in pain once again and pulls on his restraints. The stress causes the captain to fall into unconsciousness once more. Captain Stark proceeds to flatline and Agent “S” dismisses himself, meeting Director ███████.)

Director ███████: I wish he could have finished what he was saying. I was quite interested in what an SCP would have to say to us.

Agent “S”: (Agent freezes) I think I know...

Director ███████: Then I suppose you better be strapped to the table?

Agent “S”: (Visibly shaken) Yes... It says it wants us. It will let itself be contained... if we get it some prey. We’re... “fascinating” to it. I suppose its an occupational hazard...

Director ███████: Very well. Surrender your sidearm.

Addendum 009-3: Memo from Site Director Belladona spread across Site-16 due to decreasing morale involving SCP-009’s presence.

As one of the more sadistically vile creatures we have contained, it also marks a sobering lesson for Foundation employees. Not all we do is pleasant. Sometimes it is downright horrifying, but the consequences would be far more severe. If you think what we do is dangerous and borderline immoral, you are right. But a crisis of conscious will not help you in the slightest if SCP-009 gets out.

As long as it is caged, we know where it is and can mitigate the damage. The last thing this world needs is a wandering torture ghost. There is no “catching” a nightmare, especially not in this situation. You just pray you are strong enough to overcome it. As long as it is here, it’s not among the populous.

It’s a small comfort, but you need to find comfort where you can
~Site Director Belladona

Addendum 009-4: Transcript communication with SCP-009-1 in regards to SCP-009’s nature and abilities.

Doctor Stable: Are you well, SCP-009-1?

SCP-009-1: It’s amazing how full of shit you all are. First I was a D-Class, now I’m some fucking monster’s plaything. These designations are a real comfort for you all. Don’t even know my name, do you?

(SCP-009-1’s eyes do not move from the corner of the room.)

Doctor Stable: SCP-009-1, I am here in case SCP-009 wishes to speak to me.

SCP-009-1: Fuck you.

(SCP-009-1 visibly jumps as if burned)

It does.

Doctor Stable: Very well. I would like to know anything it can tell me.

SCP-009-1: (Speaking to the corner) Of course he does. Everyone does.

(SCP-009-1 clutches abdomen with a look later described as “great discomfort”)

It calls itself a dreamer, the fuck that is. The last dreamer. A traveler.

Doctor Stable: What constitutes a... “dreamer?”

SCP-009-1: “Something that can only see truth in dreams...” What the fuck does that mean?

(SCP-009-1 must be strapped to the table as it starts fighting staff violently. Doctor Stable calls the medics for sedation)

Doctor Stable: I’m not taking the chance. Put him out.

SCP-009-1: Wait!

(SCP-009-1 resumes looking at the corner)

Oh, you’ve gotta be shittin’ me.

Doctor Stable: Explain.

SCP-009-1: Do you have any fucking clue who the thing in my head is, doc?

Doctor Stable: Enlighten me.

SCP-009-1: ██ ██ █ █████ ██ ██ ████ ███████ ████████. █ ██████. █ ██████ ████. ████ █ ██████, █████████, ███████ ██████ █ █████ ██ ██ ████ ██████ ███████.
[DATA CORRUPT]
[DATA CORRUPT]
[DATA CORRUPT]

After the events in Addendum 009-4, Site 16 underwent a full memetic containment breach. With a previously unknown facet of it’s abilities, SCP-009 jumped to several hosts simultaneously, forcing each to [REDACTED]. Twenty six (26) deaths resulted from the breach before a full site lockdown was initiated to contain the threat. Another ██ deaths resulted from containing SCP-009 and ██ escaped SCPs.

Further communication with SCP-009 was discontinued and security measures updated in light of recent events. Threat level was upgraded to Keter. Termination orders of SCP-009 are undergoing O5 Command approval.

Why should you be afraid of the dark? You shouldn't; the monsters can't see you. Turning the light on however... well, that speaks for itself.

~Lady Incantus on regards to records concerning the Gates of Tartarus

Crossover with the SCP Foundation
For chapter updates and my ramblings, visit my page on Fimfiction HERE
Nightmare Fuel Fluttershy picture belongs to the Ask Murdershy tumblr. (NSFW)
Editors: Genesis1212, Reader Review
Prereader: Softy8088

Log of Anomalous Items #1

Log of Anomalous Items #1

Note from Researcher Sora, Catalog Office at Site 16:
Sometimes the Foundation collects items that are, while intriguing, do not warrant continuous or lasting research like most SCP objects and life forms. Should the Foundation come into contact with such items, report them to your immediate superior or site director for processing along with a complete list of current documentation.

Item Description: A clock with no gears or functioning source of power, yet still reliably tells time.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ██████████, Equestria
Current Status: Placed in Research Area-24’s break room.
Notes: Can I at least try and see how it works? -Doctor Stable

Item Description: A shaving straight razor with an edge far too dull to cut, yet is still capable of reliably shaving every time.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███████, Equestria
Current Status: In Doctor ███’s personal bathroom kit.
Notes: Smooth as a baby’s bottom. -Doctor ███

Item Description: An unremarkable Equestrian bit cast in Manehatten that changes into other types of currency depending on how tightly it is held.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████, ███████
Current Status: In anomalous item storage at Site-16.

Item Description: Plastic cup with no signs of wear or damage, yet still leaks whatever liquid contents are placed within it.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ██████, Zebrica
Current Status: Incinerated

Item Description: Plastic aloe vera juice bottle. When any liquid is placed in the bottle, even aloe vera juice, it is reported to taste like grape juice.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Canterlot, Equestria
Current Status: Site-04 mess hall

Item Description: Cookie sheet where anything baked on it makes anyone speak several octaves higher when eaten. Effects wear off over the course of several hours.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Recovered by Agent Avers at a bakery in Ponyville.
Current Status: Site-04 mess hall with a notice describing its effects.
Notes: I sound like a fucking gelding. -Agent Avers

Item Description: A mana battery composed of beryllium, copper, and brass with a mean, constant output of 300 volts. Constant usage shows no decrease in output.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Discovered by Agent ████ in a Baltimare brothel storage locker
Current Status: In storage.
Notes: I’m morbidly curious about the story behind finding this. -Doctor Silva

Item Description: A single auburn mare hair measuring 55.7 centimeters (21.92913 inches). Item has proven unbreakable in every known stress test.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███████, Equestria
Current Status: Used as a garrote by Mobile Task Force Beta-4 (“Storm Chasers”).

Item Description: A single bronze-colored Griffon feather that writes with iron gall ink, despite not being dipped in ink of any kind.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Desk of clerk ██████ at the Equestrian embassy.
Current Status: On the desk of Assistant Director Zed, Containment Area 23.

Item Description: Roll of duct tape that always sticks to the one who peels off a strip, regardless of how carefully it is removed.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: A hardware store in Fillydelphia.
Current Status: Incinerated with extreme prejudice.
Notes: Are we sure maintenance isn’t just clumsy? - Doctor Silva

Item Description: An unremarkable sheet of Hearth’s Warming Eve music that sings to whomever looks at it.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: In a self storage locker in the Manehatten slums.
Current Status: Shredded. Remains show no unusual or anomalous properties.

Item Description: A 7x7 centimeter mirror that reflects all light across its surface directly into the eyes of the closet individual.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: In a Crystal Empire Castle lavatory.
Current Status: Incinerated

Item Description: A bottle of fifty (50) chemically accurate █████ brand codeine painkillers. The tablets in question seem to only operate on the placebo effect and are not chemically triggered once swallowed.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ██████████, Equestria
Current Status: Site-16 medical wing.

Item Description: A golden scepter equipped in the likeness of a unicorn female at the head and contains an octagon cut garnet at the base. When held, the wielder hears voices in a child’s tenor describing various methods to eliminate those in the immediate vicinity.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: [REDACTED]
Current Status: Item in question was thrown into Site-04’s trash compactor and subsequently destroyed. Agent responsible has been summarily reprimanded for destruction of Foundation property.
Notes: Fucking thing should have stayed in the garbage. -Agent Witherwings

Jufn Eftdsjqujpo: B tuboebse #2 hsbqijuf qfodjm uibu, xifo ifme, jotufbe pg xsjujoh uif joufoefe mfuufs, gpsdft uif ipmefs up xsjuf ps uzqf uif gpmmpxjoh mfuufs.
Ebuf pg Sfdpwfsz: ██-██-████
Mpdbujpo pg Sfdpwfsz: Nbofibuufo tqfdjbm offet tdippmipvtf
Dvssfou Tubuvt: Jodjofsbufe
Opuft: Xiz epft uijt uijoh fwfo fyjtu? -Es. Tjmwb

Staff, please note that it is a breech in professionalism to organize reports while under the effects of memetic, especially infohazard, SCPs, even minor, anomalous ones. -Researcher Sora, Catalog Office

Item Description: A 3x3x1 centimeter lodestone that only sticks to cutie marks instead of magnetized surfaces.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery:In the possession of a bounty hunter office on the border of Equestria and the Badlands.
Current Status: Used in research with SCP-███

SCP Foundation Homesite
Foundation Log of Anomalous Items
Pre Readers: The amazing Softy8088

SCP-223-EX — Burning Stone

Item #: SCP-223-EX

Object Class: ~~Safe~~ Explained

Special Containment Procedures: ~~SCP-223’c containment in Site-██ is composed of the following:~~

~~- A Primary Containment Zone (PCZ)~~
~~- A one hundred (100) meter access shaft~~

~~The PCZ is a 5x5x5 steel chamber lined with twelve (12) inches of lead and sealed with a lead-lined steel blast door requiring two Level 3 personnel to open.~~

~~The top of the lift contains a medical center which any and all personnel and D-Class working with SCP-223 must visit for decontamination. The center must carry replacement clothing, an incinerator, and an operational freezer unit containing enough product (kelp) capable of resisting SCP-223’s effects. All clothing and accessories must be immediately incinerated. Failure to do so is grounds for immediate termination. Violators will be incinerated. No physical interaction with SCP-223 is allowed at any time. No SCP is allowed contact with SCP-223.~~

~~Should SCP-223 ever need to be moved offsite, all non-standard personnel must evacuate while the item is moved by D-Class personnel. All personnel must maintain a minimum one hundred (100) meter distance with it at all times while in transit.~~

SCP-223-EX is to be placed in a secure storage vault in Site-██ when not undergoing research. SCP-223-EX is to be contained in a cube of lead no less than fourteen (14) inches thick when not undergoing research. Those exposed to SCP-223-EX’s energy particle emissions must have their clothes and current belongings incinerated and be placed in Type-3 Quarantine until recovery is assured.

Biohazard Containment gear has been updated to ward off further ~~energy~~ particle radiation similar to that produced by SCP-223-EX. Type-1 Hazmat gear has proven sufficient to shield even the most concentrated doses produced by the artifact.

Description: SCP-223-EX is a medium sized ignatius meteorite weighing 253.73 kg. The meteorite is composed of several elements including iron and nickel (94% of total composition) and several unknown elements (~6% of total composition). SCP-223-EX is otherwise physically unremarkable. Missing elements identified. Names Pending.

SCP-223-EX’s missing elements produce a form of ionized particles that are extremely deleterious to organic flesh. The most susceptible body cells are those that undergo rapid cellular division including: hair follicles, reproductive organs, and gastrointestinal cells.

~~SCP-223 carries a hazardous aura to all organic life in its presence.~~ Even marginal time in the vicinity induces several flu-like symptoms including:

Nausea

Vomiting

Fever

Headache

Diarrhea

More severe symptoms are incurred due to prolonged exposure or closer proximity to SCP-223-EX such as:

- Bone marrow decay
- Anemia
- Decreased lymphocytes
- Seizures
- Skin contusions akin to chemical burns
- Acute fatigue
- Hemolytic hemorrhaging
- High fever
- Weakened immune system
- Death

Ingesting kelp or spirulina has proven to help combat the sickness induced from the artifact, but it is not a cure.

A file containing procedures for antibiotic synthesis, blood products, and home therapy has been submitted to all Foundation medical databases.

Lead has proven a reliable deterrent to combat SCP-223-EX’s aura, but the phenomenon has a “clinging” effect on all substances in its presence. All clothing, artifacts, or research notes must be incinerated immediately to prevent exposure. All research notes must therefore be memorized.

Containment History: The Foundation received a report from field agent ████ ██████ concerning the deaths of several ponies in the town of ████████. Researching local history, ████ discovered lore concerning a witch that would kill all who entered her forest. Believing a possible SCP to be responsible, he requested a task force to be dispatched and assist.

Mobile Task Force Delta-7 “Back in the Outback” sweeped the forest and detected no anomalous artifacts or entities. Upon making camp near a crater, a member of Delta-7 started complaining of stomach pains before bleeding from his ████ and ████. Agent ████ searched the crater, discovering SCP-223-EX. Upon feeling similar symptoms, ████ called for a Type-2 Biohazard recovery team and secured SCP-223-EX. Agent ████ perished from his sickness. The item was safely recovered shortly after.

Addendum 223-873-1: I wonder if there is any means possible to weaponize SCP-223-EX to terminate more dangerous SCP subjects. We may have quite the death ray on our hooves. Just think of the possibilities.
~Dr. Salizar

Addendum 223-873-2: [DATA EXPUNGED]

Addendum 223-873-3: Doctor Salizar is barred from further experimentation with SCP-223-EX.
~Site Director Belladona

Addendum 223-873-4: Doctor Salizar is also forbidden from requesting anypony or anyone to do anything with SCP-223-EX ever.
~Site Director Belladona

SCP Foundation Homesite
Editors: Trachyon, Softy8088

SCP-724 — Devil in the Dark

Item #: SCP-724

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: Temporary Facility ██-██ has been restructured into a permanent facility (Containment Area 23) with its own on-site staff to contain the threat. The top level is sealed off from the outside world with a 3x7 meter carbon steel blast door capable of withstanding unicorn energy discharges up to 9.2 on the Standard Equestrian Index.

A two hundred (200) meter “red zone” surrounding SCP-724 must be patrolled at all times by no less than four (4) armed squads. Should any civilians enter the red zone or its aerospace, they are to be detained and given a Class-A Mnemonic Enchantment before being released. Particular care must be given to the implanted memories to ensure no return trip is planned. A store of gathered false and certified artifacts are on site and must be fully stocked at all times in case distribution to civilians becomes necessary.

A single security station is located on the ground entrance of the facility and must be staffed by three (3) agents at all times. All security personnel and researchers are to remain armed at all times, including unicorns trained for magical combat. Removing personal weapons at any time is grounds for suspension. Unauthorized removal of weapons from the security station is grounds for immediate termination. Armaments can be customized to suit any species and include:

► Spears
► Swords
► Concussion mines
► Alchemist Fire
► Alchemist Acid
► Wrist/fetlock-mounted spring-loaded projectile launchers
► Fragmenting gunpowder grenades laced with anticoagulant shrapnel
► Draconic incendiary flares
► Stonebiter corrosive bile
► A-class unicorn leyline drivers

Brass and iron armor plating for all known races to inflict melee damage including:
► Brass knuckles
► Armored Helmets
► Weights for races with tails or prehensile limbs
► Custom fitting for all limbs to inflict bludgeoning damage

Armor can be fitted with blades or other weapons upon request.

A separate squad of five (5) agents must be prepared to operate a ███████ magic-propelled mass driver on a pintle mount with a clear line of sight into the first floor entrance of Containment Area 23. If SCP-724-1 or instances of SCP-724-2 swarm the exit, agents are to keep firing until all ammunition has been depleted. Agents or researchers in direct line of fire of the entrance are considered expendable.

Two (2) self-perpetuating leyline generators capable of producing 1,000 lux illumination shall be placed on every level of the facility with multiple redundant backup feeds in case of failure. SCP-724-1 has shown to have a slower rate of locomotion through brightly-lit areas, so illumination is the number one priority on site.

Backup generators, lanterns, candles, bioluminescent moss, light-blessed stone, and miscellaneous light sources are placed in a storage locker on every floor. It is required for all staff, including researchers, to be able to find all lockers on all levels in complete darkness. Any faults with the leyline generators or their backup systems are to be immediately reported, regardless of the fault. All personnel are to have no less than two (2) separate light sources on them at all times. Failure to comply is grounds for suspension, demotion, or termination depending on the severity of the infraction. To prevent unseen shadows from occurring, all light sources are to be implanted on the ground and ceiling. If there are any large shadows anywhere under Foundation control, or if activity from site personnel induces shadows, the source is to be reported immediately.

All personnel must undergo a thorough background check and display total loyalty to the Foundation. Due to the nature of dispatching instances of SCP-724-2, marked psychopathy or sadistic impulses is not automatic grounds for rejection. As SCP-724-2 instances learn from incursions with agents, all field agents and security personnel must be experienced in counter intrusion tactics. Should any instances of SCP-724-2 be discovered, they are to be terminated on sight. Any agents showing mercy or pity on instances of SCP-724-2 will be terminated. No D-Class personnel are allowed on any floors not under Foundation control. No physical or linguistic contact is to be made with SCP-724-1 under any circumstance. In case of capture by SCP-724-1 or instances of SCP-724-2, agents are ordered to self terminate.

All agents are instructed to move in squads. All SCP-724-2 are to be engaged in groups, never alone. Should any instances of SCP-724-2 be discovered, they are to be immediately destroyed by any means necessary, if the situation is reasonably practical. Invertebrates must suffer massive bodily trauma in order to terminate. Vertebrates must have the spinal column severed or suffer critical damage to the cranium in order to terminate. If the situation is safe enough to do so, all instances must remain under constant attack until confirmed body death. Any unconventional or inorganic SCP-724-2 entity is to be reported immediately.

Containment Area 23 must be staffed at all times by no less one hundred (100) security staff. The ratio of security personnel to the sum of all other staff must be no less than 2:1. Due to SCP-724’s proximity to civilian residences and inability to be moved, an Overseer-level or other agent of level five (5) clearance is to be on site at all times to observe any gained or lost ground to SCP-724. Should Containment Area 23 lose control of any of the top three (3) underground floors, the Overseer or highest-ranking staff member is to decrypt and consult the Barata Emergency Orders and submit the contained instructions to all SCP Facilities, Mobile Task Forces, the O5 Council, and the Administrator.

In the event of SCP-724 reaches a full breach and escapes, unsealing Containment Area 23’s Singularity Core is authorized. This will result in the complete destruction of Containment Area 23. As the corporeal nature of SCP-724-1 is in question, unsealing the core may not destroy SCP-724-1. Thus, unsealing the core is only considered a last resort in containing SCP-724-1.

Description: SCP-724 lies in an abandoned, dilapidated installation located deep in the ████████ ██████ region filling approximately 50,000 square meters. Most of the masonry is composed of quartz, granite, gneiss, and ██████. The facility has four (4) floors above ground and twelve (12) below ground. Please note that due to the nature and location of the facility, [DATA EXPUNGED].

SCP-724-1 is a semi-corporeal entity residing in the underground floors of the installation. It uses shadows primarily for locomotion, even traveling through shadows that are not physically touching in normal space. As SCP-724-1’s true form only exists in absolute darkness, no complete description of the entity can be procured other than vague descriptions (See Addendum 724-1-1). Several incursion reports indicate SCP-724-1 to be a fibrous, black creature composed of filament shadows and decayed [REDACTED] that show a severe decrease in locomotion in brighter areas. Dimensions vary widely, from an amorphous 1x2x2 meter entity to a solid 10x12x10 meter shape. SCP-724-1 is capable of phasing through solid rock, unicorn barrier shields, and [REDACTED].

Any biological entity that enters infected SCP-724-1 shadows becomes pliable to mental domination and infection by it, creating an instance of SCP-724-2. Contaminated life forms show an increased propensity for violence, bloodlust, sadism, self-mutilation, narcissism, cannibalism, psychosis, and [REDACTED]. Infected are externally marked by hemorrhaging blood from orifices, blackened sclera, and reverberating voice.

Although SCP-724-1 will willingly attack and infect animals found underground, it appears to have a preference for more complex life forms. Due to SCP-724-1’s manipulation of SCP-724-2 and its ability to learn from incursions with agents, SCP-724-1 is considered sapient. There is no known limit as to how many instances of SCP-724-2 it can control. It has been known to use memories of captured agents and researchers to emotionally manipulate others to step into the shadows for infection.

If SCP-724-2 cannot force agents into the shadows for assimilation, SCP-724-2 have been known to violently attack agents by gouging, bludgeoning, biting, and [REDACTED] even after death has been confirmed.

Doctor ████ ██████ after infection.

Containment History: The Foundation suspected activity in the [REDACTED] region after Incident Report 213. This was further supported by research gathered by Foundation researchers and embedded agents in the Canterlot Court. Mobile Task Forces Delta-7, Sigma-6, and Epsilon-12 prepared to respond to a possible GH-Class end-of-the-world scenario. Upon arrival, [DATA EXPUNGED]. Princess Celestia [DATA EXPUNGED].

[DATA EXPUNGED]

[DATA EXPUNGED]

The Foundation retained custody of the facility, soon discovering the SCP-724-1 entity. See Addendum 724-27346-1 for details.

Addendum 724-27346-1: Transcript of recording on ██/██/████. Doctor ███ is speaking with Agent Lo concerning an attack on his squad by an entity later classified as SCP-724-1, later classified as Incident Report 224.

Interviewer: Doctor ███
Interviewee: Agent Lo, 2nd Lieutenant

Agent Lo: This thing on? [Agent taps recording device]

Doctor ███: I assure you it is, agent. Now, what happened?

Agent Lo: This records everything?

Doctor ███: Indeed

Agent Lo: [Agent sighs] Okay... I was with a squad doing some standard recon. Nothing’s been down there for fuck knows how long, so it was our job to map the place and set up some lights for the suits.

Doctor ███: How many were in your squad?

Agent Lo: Sixteen. Due to this place’s history, maximum squad numbers were in order. Ten griffons, a unicorn, and five ground pounders.

Doctor ███: Earth ponies?

Agent Lo: Yeah, yeah, sure. [Agent waves his talons dismissively]

Doctor ███: Continue.

Agent Lo: We got nothin’ for the first five hours and got to floor eight. Took a break halfway through and busted out some rations, but nothing of interest happened. Place gave everyone the willies, but what do you expect? We were under a shitload of stone and earth, untouched by time, and it could have all come tumbling down at any moment. The place kept creaking and we kept hearing noises and what sounded like rushing wind. Squad kept getting jittery, but I told them to nut the fuck up and keep going. [Agent laughs] Shoulda’ listened to them while I had the chance.

Doctor ███: When did you encounter the threat?

Agent Lo: Almost five hours on the dot. Just as we were about to head down the stairs and into floor nine, one of my men started freaking out and dangling his lantern back and forth like a jackass. I ordered a halt and asked him what was up and he said the shadows were moving when his lantern wasn’t. He was trying to see if there was something hiding from us.

Doctor ███: The entity did not immediately attack?

Agent Lo: Nope. We knew something was up, though. Heard a bunch of whispering from the lower level, and that’s when it came. Some black... thing came crawling out of whatever hellhole it had been sleeping in. It...[Agent trails off and shudders]

Doctor ███: Agent?

Agent Lo: [DATA EXPUNGED]

Doctor ███: [Doctor ███ pales visibly]

Agent Lo: Yeah, I did the same. He started coughing up some black crap. Don’t know what it was, but it looked just like a glob of shadows. He looked up and his eyes were all black and such, and it was then I knew how fucked we all were.

[DATA EXPUNGED]

He was lucky; got his throat torn out. Died before he even knew what happened. Yana wasn’t so lucky and was dragged off into the dark. Right then and there it stopped being recon and started being search and rescue. I knew better. I should have known better.

Doctor ███: Are you saying the death of your squad was your fault?

Agent Lo: I want to say no... but I know better. It was a basic skirmishing tactic as old as time itself. Attack to get an enemy’s attention, only to lure them into a larger ambush... Yeah, it was my fault.

Doctor ███: Let this go on record that Agent Lo accepts full responsibility for the deaths of his squad. What happened next, Agent?

Agent Lo: We entered the darkness like dumbasses. It was a shooting gallery. Saw a bunch of my men with those blank eyes and a load of animals that looked like they’d been through a meat grinder; some had the flesh stripped right off their bones, but they all had the same black eyes. They were just standing there as we entered the fourth level. They didn’t need to do anything else; we were in enough darkness that it was no problem to pick us off one by one.

[DATA EXPUNGED]

I’ve never seen so much blood. I’ve been around the block a couple times. I know seven ways to kill you with that quill you got on the desk there. But I ain’t never seen anyplace get turned into a bloodbath that fast. I was wearing half of my men and the other half were out for my goddamn blood. I could barely see with dirt and blood and crap caked all over my face. Who knows what I stumbled through. Being top in PT and having a functional pair of night vision goggles saved my life. After that, I hauled ass out of there as soon as I could.

Doctor ███: Thank you, First Lieutenant; I have all that I need.

Addendum 724-27346-2: Secondary exploration team of the underground levels of the SCP-724 site. The members consist of three M.T.F. Sigma-6 members (Mr. D, Mr. N, Mr. E), and three agents (Mr. S, Mr. G, Dr. H), and their names have been replaced in this report for security reasons. Members were specially selected for their experience in hostile environments in high risk situations. Due to the uncertainty and scale of the threat during Incident Report 224, Sigma-6 was tasked with tactical recon to measure the danger and instructed to avoid engaging the threat as long as it was reasonably practical.

A security team armed against heavy resistance was placed at the stairs of every floor to protect and backup Sigma-6 as they descended deeper.

Mission time began on 09:00 on ██/██/████. Temporary Facility ██-██’s Tactical Operations Command (TOC) is on standby and cataloging events as they unfold.

D: Weapons check.

N: Armed and ready.

E: Weapons ready.

S: Weapons ready.

G: Weapons ready.

H: Ready as I’ll ever be.

D: TOC, operation is a go. Proceeding into basement level one. Do you read?

TOC: D, TOC. We read you loud and clear. Continue with primary objective. Lethal force is authorized.

D: Acknowledged.

<Inconsequential audio deleted.>

D: TOC, this is D, we are approaching the stairwell to level two. No sign of hostiles. Looks like this floor is clear. No signs of movement or anomalous activity.

TOC: This is TOC. Please hold position until reinforcements arrive. H, what is your report as of now?

H: As the stallion said, no anomalous activity. I’m detecting no memetic tampering of any kind. Nerves are high, but what did you expect? So far, everything is within expected baselines.

<Inconsequential audio deleted.>

H: This isn’t right. Crawlers like this don’t have any predators in this part of the world. They’re blind burrowers. Nothing eviscerates them like this.

G: Doc’s right. This shit’s not normal.

D: Easy, calm your tits. Whatever happened, happened on the ninth floor.

N: Doesn’t mean that whatever it was can’t move.

D: Right. Everyone, eyes and ears open. TOC, approaching third floor stairwell. Third floor is clear, but signs of violence are present. We may have been detected.

S: I don’t like this. I really don’t like this.

G: I agree. With all this light, we’re broadcasting our position.

E: That’s why I’m here. I see noth—shit!

D: Fire at will!

TOC: Sigma-6, what have you engaged?

E: Our boys! That thing was wearing SCP gear!

H: S is hit!

TOC: Please elaborate. Describe what you saw.

G: Our guys! We have engaged hostile SCP members!

S: Your six!

D: TOC, multiple ho–

G: Not today, you f–

H: Drag him over here!

D: –missing strike team!

TOC: Sigma 6, we are receiving heavy radio interference. If you can hear this message, return to the stairwell.

E: Kill that son of a bitch!

N: Fucker got me in the leg!

G: ...Where is S?

E: Try smiling now you little shit.

H: What is that! What the fuck is that!

TOC: Sigma 6, please respond. Return to the stairwell. That is an order.

D: Fall back! Don’t touch that thing!

E: S—

H: Leave him!

N: For fucks sake, make them stop laughing...

S: (eight seconds of a single sustained scream)

D: Blow the walls!

S: (Voice has taken on a new tenor) You’ll like what she has planned...

Unidentified voice: Make it stop...

H: Oh Celestia, on the stars above, please—

D: She’s not the one listening to prayers down here.

E: Get him off!

G: (laughter)

S: Please don’t leave me alone ag—

N: —I keep shoo—

H: Not again, not again, not again, not again, not again, not again—

D: —in my eye—

G: It’s beautiful.

Sigma 6 returned to the stairwell to floor five with heavy casualties. Mr. E died due to exsanguination from multiple wounds. Mr. S and Mr. G are now listed as missing in the line of duty while exploring SCP-724 and declared infected by SCP-724-1. Doctor H received a commendation and the Foundation Star for rescuing Mr. N and keeping him stable long enough for recovery. A total of eight (8) SCP-724-2 entities were neutralized during the attack, including six former members of Agent Lo’s squad and two (2) [REDACTED].

Defenses were shored up to prevent further hostile incursions on floor five. Subject received official classification and object class of Keter (See Dr H’s Field Report).

The anonymous voice was not one of the listed missing from Agent Lo’s squad, or any part of the Sigma 6 exploration team. Analysis is still ongoing, but the voice is confirmed to be equine, and yet not any known Foundation agent or person of interest.

Addendum 724-27346-3: Transcript of recording on ██/██/████. Doctor Nova is speaking with a captured Doctor ████ ██████ after she became contaminated by SCP-724-1. Doctor ██████ is caged and chained to the floor to prevent attacks on staff. The interview is overseen by Assistant Director Zed.

Interviewer: Doctor Nova
Interviewee: Doctor ████ ██████

Doctor Nova: State your name.

Doctor ██████: [Doctor ██████ is silent. At the start of the questioning, Doctor ██████ is near the back of the cell staring at her hoofs]

Doctor Nova: Do you know what facility you are in?

Doctor ██████: [Silence]

Doctor Nova: Do you know who I am?

Doctor ██████: [Silence]

Doctor Nova: Do you know how you got here?

Doctor ██████: [Silence]

Doctor Nova: Do you know where you are?

Doctor ██████████: [Doctor ██████ stirs but is silent]

Doctor Nova: Do you know who formerly resided in this facility before the Foundation took control?

Doctor ██████: [Whispers] So quiet...

Doctor Nova: Pardon?

Doctor ██████: [Silence]

Doctor Nova: Can you hear me well enough?

Doctor ██████: [Silence]

Doctor Nova: [Doctor Nova pauses before speaking hesitantly] ...Is something speaking to you?

Doctor ██████: [Giggles] Cold... so cold...

Doctor Nova: [Speaking to one of the staff] Up the temperature two degrees. We’re getting somewhere at least.

Doctor ██████: That won’t help.

[Doctor ██████ gets to her hooves and walks towards the bars, but the slack tightens and prevents her from reaching them.]

Doctor Nova: How can I help?

Doctor ██████: Just... listen.

Doctor Nova: [Hesitantly sits down] Very well; I’m listening.

Doctor ██████: Do you hear it?

Doctor Nova: Is there something in particular I should pay attention to?

Doctor ██████: I can hear it.

Doctor Nova: [Pauses] ...What does it have to say?

Doctor ██████: I told you. It’s so cold there.

Doctor Nova: Where is it?

Doctor ██████: Waiting.

Doctor Nova: Waiting where?

Doctor ██████: The lonely... [Doctor ██████ begins thrashing and laughing violently and must be further restrained.]

Doctor Nova: Why do you hurt yourself?

Doctor ██████: [Rapid panting]

Doctor Nova: Can you talk about what you are hearing?

Doctor ██████: Come a little closer...

Doctor Nova: [Doctor Nova slowly approaches the bars]

Doctor ██████: It is so cold in the darkness, to be lost. When you can’t see, you grasp at even the slightest glimpse of light. She thinks she can escape.

Doctor Nova: [Directed towards staff] What’s happening to ██████?

Nurse █████████: I don’t know! Her eyes just won’t stop bleeding!

Doctor ██████: I know the shadow’s last words. I know why it clings to her so dearly.

Doctor Nova: Why is that? Who is this “she?”

Doctor ██████: Because [NAME REDACTED] is wrong. It’s not that ███ █████ ████ ████ ███████, ███ ████████ ████ ████ ███████. And [NAME REDACTED] thinks she can just wish it all away...

Nurse █████████: I can’t stop the bleeding!

Doctor Nova: [Laughter] You’re all going to die down here.

(At this point the interview was abruptly terminated by Assistant Director Zed. All captured hostiles were placed in secure containment and all further interviews were placed on permanent hiatus until further notice.)

Addendum 724-27346-3 seems to indicate a loose telepathic link between instances of SCP-724-2 and SCP-724-1 itself. If this holds true, then it is possible the link works in reverse. No entities of any kind must be allowed to leave SCP-724, for they may be conduits to gather information for SCP-724-1. Contaminated life forms are to be terminated at any cost.
~Assistant Director Zed

SCP Foundation Homesite
Grimdark pony picture modified from THIS picture.
Editors: Trachyon, Softy8088

SCP-267 — The Blank

Item #: SCP-267

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-267’s is to be contained in a 5x5x5 meter containment cell constructed from non-thaumaturgical-conductive material. The cell walls must not have any seams and the metal must have at most .2% impurities to better contain magical discharges. SCP-267 may only interact with non-equine Foundation staff. All equine researchers that submit requests to study SCP-267 must have their experiments performed by a non-pony researcher proxy.

A subdermal tracking device has been implanted in the subject on the atlas vertebra. It is also equipped with a self-constricting collar capable of delivering 10,000 volts of electricity as soon as it recognizes unauthorized tampering. Should any personnel or SCP-267 remove or alter the tracking device, SCP-267’s shock collar will disable the subject while its location and the adjacent corridors will be put into lockdown, and they will be flooded with aerosolized chloroform or other knockout compounds. The contained sectors will remain in lockdown until all life forms have been confirmed incapacitated, when which security will return SCP-267 to its cell. Security sweeps are to to be performed by non-equine staff.

~~SCP-267 is allowed basic privileges as long as they do not pose a security risk. The subject is allowed daily walks, books from the Foundation library (providing the books have been screened and deemed not a security risk), and~~ [REDACTED]. Due to its repeated escape attempts and hatred for the Foundation, SCP-267’s privileges have been suspended.

SCP-267’s cell is to be guarded by four armed non-pony personnel at all times. No pictures of any kind are allowed within SCP-267’s cell, its line of sight, or anywhere within twenty (20) meters of SCP-267. All staff and researchers requiring access to the subject must have all of their belongings searched before being granted entry. This is not negotiable under penalty of immediate termination.

SCP-267 must be blindfolded and bound when moved to other sections of Site 16. Removal or tampering with its blindfold or shock collar at any time during transit is grounds for immediate termination. As the subject has proven repeatedly hostile and uncooperative towards Foundation staff, constant vigilance is a necessity.

Should SCP-267 ever escape, the recovery team is to be composed of agents whom the subject has come into contact with it in prior engagements. Mobile Task Force Beta-7 “Storm Chasers” takes precedence on all selections due to their experience with the subject.

To date (██/██/████), the subject’s escape attempts number at seven (7) and murders of Foundation personnel number at ██.

Description: SCP-267 was a female earth pony with an arrow cutie mark approximately twenty eight (28) years of age upon capture. Like Changelings, the subject displays the ability to change its coat, mane, and cutie mark at will, rendering further descriptions moot. Unlike Changelings, SCP-267 displays the ability to copy all mannerisms, speech patterns, magical hues, and talents associated with cutie marks. To date, SCP-267 has known copies of the following Foundation personnel:

► Field Agent Zarina ██████
► Field Agent Whisper █████
► Field Agent Diamond ████████
► Field Agent Diamond Dust
► Field Agent Orion ████████
► Field Agent Glimmer ████
► [REDACTED]
► Assistant Director Zed
► Doctor ██████ █████
► Doctor Bunsen █████
► Doctor Rashid ██████

To date, SCP-267 has copied the following talents:

► Chemical Research
► Microbiology
► Alchemy
► Stealth and tracking
► Interrogation
► Counter-intrusion tactics
► Advanced torture
► [REDACTED]
► Assassination
► Advanced potion making
► Griffon cuisine
► Balloon animals

It is known that the subject encountered and copied the bodies of several civilians, but SCP-267 remains uncooperative with Foundation staff and refuses to divulge the full extent of its abilities.

SCP-267’s ability to shapeshift is remarkably similar to that of Changelings, although its abilities far outstrip them. Changelings carry a vast and sophisticated neural network in order to synchronize the change. SCP-267 lacks such a network, or has adapted its body to such an extreme that such a network is hidden beyond recognition. The subject carries █████ times more cellular mitochondria than standard life forms per cubic milliliter, giving it a near infinite quantity of bodily energy to sustain its transformations. It is unknown if SCP-267 is the result of some Changeling mutation, an offshoot of the Changeling species, or an experiment in Changeling genetics. Embedded sleeper agents are present in the hive and gathering data for a definite conclusion.

Most recent depiction of SCP-267

Under no circumstances are photos of any alicorn allowed within one hundred (100) meters of SCP-267’s present location. Should SCP-267 copy an alicorn body, coupled with its own hostility towards the Foundation, the result may be an GH-class end-of-the-world scenario.

Containment History: Clerk [REDACTED], then a source on the Foundation payroll, ferried reports to the Foundation concerning several attacks on civilian settlements in the Zebrican Burning Plains region. At first the attacks were dismissed as a local matter until authorities called in that the suspect was a Changeling imitating civilians.

No further contact was made by the arresting officers and their bodies are currently missing. As the area was not known to host a Changeling hive, MTF Beta-7 “Storm Chasers” was tasked in discovering more about the subject eventually known as SCP-267. Beta-7 discovered and engaged the subject. SCP-267 copied the talents of MTF Beta-7 and used their respective tactics to injury several members before capture. Minimal casualties were reported, with the only severe casualty remedied by a civilian. SCP-267 was detained and is currently in the custody of Site-16.

The subject was reportedly traveling to Canterlot in order to meet the aristocracy and diarchy. SCP-267 has not revealed further information on the matter.

Update on ██/██/████:
The civilian who rescued Agent Dust has now been identified as SCP-976.

SCP Foundation Homesite
Editors: Softy8088
Edited picture by: Immelmann (page may contain NSFW material)
Feel free to bother me on my tumblr under the username doctoredmundsirus.

Author's Note

Feel free to PM me if you want to add your own entries to the list.

Log of Anomalous Items #2

Note from Researcher Sora, Catalog Office at Site 16:
I know some of these items are practically useless, but follow proper procedure. They are bagged, tagged, and tested. Should they prove useless to the Foundation, item destruction is to go through the proper channels like everything else. Just because it’s boring, that doesn’t give you the right to go over my head.

Seriously. Cut that shit out.

Item Description: An Aurelius™ brand toaster that burns bread no matter what heat setting it is on.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: A pawn shop located on the corner of █████ and ████████████ in ████████████, Equestria.
Current Status: Melted into slag. Remains show no effects.
Notes: I don’t care how Sylar likes his toast; toast as black as hell is a crime against breakfast. -Doctor Silva

Item Description: An iron griffon fetish with bronze feathers that decreases the melting point of any metal in a five (5) meter radius by ten (10) degrees.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Street alchemist in an Equestrian caravan. Acquired ten miles south of Foaledo.
Current Status: Undergoing testing.

Item Description: A packaged set of twelve rubber bands that have an unlimited stretch distance.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Second hand store in Canterlot
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A single red and gold wig fit for a male pony. Item cannot be removed from the wearer’s head except by the wearer himself.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███ ██████
Current Status: Spec Ops secure storage

Item Description: Steel butterfly knife that screams whenever it cuts anything, regardless of material or sentience.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: █████████████
Current Status: In storage
Notes: Holy fuck-mothering ballsacks, that thing gave me a heart attack. -Agent Tinfeathers

Item Description: Rusted crowbar that cannot pry open or move any object no matter how much force is applied to the effort-bearing arm
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Manehatten docks
Current Status: Last seen with SCP-1945, presumed missing.
Notes: Where the hell did they both disappear to?

Item Description: Chocolate bar that becomes colder when exposed to heat, and warmer when exposed to lower temperatures.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███ ███'s Bakery. Field Agent reported this was not an item normally produced at the shop.
Current Status: Site-16 cold storage

Item Description: A single plastic sphere three (3) inches in diameter that doesn’t roll on slanted surfaces no matter how steep the angle.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Stuck to the side of a low income housing complex in Hoofington.
Current Status: Low value storage at Site-03

Item Description: A small clay figurine of a slot machine. Item has been noted to decrease inhibition when held.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Las Pegasus casino
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A black purse with an estimated storage capacity of .8 cubic liters, but with a true capacity near 52 cubic liters.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Recovered in an [REDACTED] auction along with SCP-███.
Current Status: Undergoing testing at Site-03
Notes: Item has now been reclassified as Safe as of 11-14-████ (See SCP-047 for more details).

Item Description: Good Dragon™ brand dildo that moves on its own during coitus. Examination shows no possible way to support motion.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Inside a Baltimare nunnery by Agent ████
Current Status: Low value item storage.
Notes: No, I’m not letting any of you check it out of storage. -Researcher Sora, Catalog Office

Item Description: Animate photorealistic depiction of Princess Celestia that dances in various harem garments. The depiction changes garments after each dance.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Ciri’s Sin Bin, Canterlot
Current Status: Placed in secure document storage vault at Site-11.
Notes: Before anyone asks, no. -Researcher Sora, Catalog Office

Item Description: A 2cm x 2cm x 5.3cm jar of sand. The sand changes hues depending on what time of day it is.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ██████ ████████████
Current Status: Currently used by MTF Sigma 6 “First Step” in ███████, Zebrica

Item Description: A pair of horseshoes that complain of being stepped on when worn.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ██████████
Current Status: Undergoing research for intelligence at Site-11
Notes: Just watching them complain kinda gets funny after a while. -Agent Avers

Item Description: A muzzle that, when worn, makes the user speak in a voice of the opposite gender.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: In a Zebrican harem house by Agent ████
Current Status: ~~In storage.~~ ~~Doctor Silva’s desk.~~ In storage.
Notes: What kind of bloodhound are you ████? -Dr. Remus

Item Description: Four orange foal swimming floaties filled with helium. Floaties have a combined carry weight of ten pounds.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: At a San Franciscolt school donation drive
Current Status: Deflated. Item and escaped gas shows no further effects. Item incinerated.

Item Description: Insect fly repellant that, when sprayed, attracts more flies.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Haywaiian luau during the Summer Sun Celebration during the year ████.
Current Status: Disposed of as biohazardous waste

SCP Foundation Homesite
Foundation Log of Anomalous Items
Feel free to bother me on my tumblr under the username doctoredmundsirus

Author's Note

Feel free to PM me if you want to add your own entries to the list.

SCP-616 — 101 Recipes for Cupcakes

Author's Note

Warning.

No, seriously.

I'm probably on some serial killer watch list for researching this chapter.

NSFS (Not Safe for Soul)

SCP-616 — 101 Recipes for Cupcakes

Item #: SCP-616

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: The object in question must be kept in a secure storage container at Sector-7 when not undergoing research. The object must always be placed front cover facing up on a one (1) meter tall pedestal in the center of an otherwise barren room that is to be observed by CCTV by no less than one (1) security guard. Should the item display any qualities or traits of note, the incident is to be cataloged and site security alerted. Should the subject SCP-616 is bound to perish and the item vanish, the Foundation shall use all available resources to investigate any serious, violent, and/or unusual crimes since the item’s disappearance. Special attention should be paid to deadly and gruesome crimes.

Note from Dr. Freya: Seriously, the bloodier the better. Subjects that read this thing aren’t known for their restraint or self control.

The first subject who reads SCP-616 after it vanishes, hereby referred to as SCP-616-1, is to be placed in a standard 5x5x5 anomalous entity containment unit equipped with bodily restraints and treated as a hostile Euclid-class threat. SCP-616-1 shall be monitored by life support ~~at all times~~ whenever reasonably practical. No less than two guards must be placed at SCP-616-1’s cell at all times, regardless of the subject’s current docility or perceived emotional state.

Compromised subjects are not to leave containment under any circumstance, save for transfer to another containment facility or research rooms. Under no circumstance is the individual allowed any leeway or privileges with containment, regardless of position or privileges prior to contamination. Should SCP-616-1 be any Foundation personnel, their security clearance is to be revoked, all passwords reset, ID cards destroyed, and a public addition to their dossier will declare them as compromised by SCP-616. If the individual happens to be a unicorn, its horn shall be surgically removed.

Any research, cell transfers, or involvement with SCP-616-1 must have an armed contingent of guards equipped for Level-2 incursions on standby at all times. Should SCP-616-1 display its more violent tendencies, it is their duty to restrain the subject. Under no circumstance should SCP-616-1 come to life-threatening harm.

Should a subject suspected to have obtained and read SCP-616 come to the Foundation’s attention, Mobile Task Force Epsilon-83 “Townies” in civilian garb will covertly procure and question them in a secure interrogation facility. Should the captured subject truly not have read SCP-616, he or she shall receive a Class-B Mnemonic Enchantment to modify their memories and be released.

Otherwise, SCP-616-1 shall be escorted under armed guard to the nearest Foundation facility while a sweeper team stages a death with a cloned body from SCP-2385. Under no circumstance shall the compromised individual to be terminated. Epsilon-83 agents are to continue their investigation and locate SCP-616 if the book is not discovered with the subject. Under no circumstance are agents allowed to open or read SCP-616 if it is discovered. SCP-616 and the subject it is bound to, if any, are to never be in the same vicinity after such a time comes to pass.

Only one instance of SCP-616-1 has been observed to exist at one time. Currently, SCP-616-1 happens to be former Foundation alumni Doctor Nedira Kani of Sector-7.

Description: SCP-616 is a book bound by what is now identified as filly leather. The book contains one hundred two (102) pages, each crafted from cured colt and filly vellum. All script is inked in low-oxygenated equine blood. Forensic analysis of the text reveals it to be quilled by an item with an unusually thin point. The book cover itself is unremarkable, save for the text “101 Recipes for Cupcakes” cut into the leather by some sharp instrument in a very jagged script. No table of contents, appendix, publishing house, or author name is present on any page.

The first page of the item restates the title “101 Recipes for Cupcakes.” The remaining pages are dedicated to varying recipes involving the creation of various cupcakes. Rather than most conventional recipes, ingredients often include fresh flesh, crushed bone dust for dough, and harvesting bodily fluids for various sweeteners. There are often complete and highly detailed methods of preparing fresh ingredients from live victims. Methodology differs with each recipe, as some require a quick death of the victim, while others require and show methods to keep victims alive throughout the process under the guise of optimum flavor.

Recipes and methods of harvesting ingredients have been analyzed by Foundation linguists, chefs, and physical interrogators. The unanimous conclusion was that the author of SCP-616 either had practice perfecting his or her technique over many years, or was taught by another equally skilled in the culinary arts and torture. Foundation researchers are currently investigating all possible disappearances and violent crimes that may lead to murders typical of any of the described dismemberments and bodily harvesting.

After initial first reading of SCP-616, SCP-616-1 begins displaying the following list of symptoms over the course of two (2) to ten (10) days:

Severe mania

Insomnia

Decreased inhibitions

Second stage symptoms commonly begin over the course of twelve (12) to eighteen (18) days, although there have been variations if the subject willingly fights the infohazard effects. Secondary effects include:

Psychotic delusions

Auditory and visual hallucinations resulting in extreme psychosomatic bodily stress and dulled nociceptors

Heightened sociopathy

Self mutilation

Cannibalistic tendencies

Atrophy in the temporal lobe, resulting in a hindrance in developing new memories and stable emotional baselines

Increased production of Epinephrine and Adrenocorticotropic hormones

Should SCP-616-1 ever perish, SCP-616 vanishes and appears somewhere in the populated world. It is unknown what link confirms the death of the subject SCP-616 is bound to, or how the book vanishes. To date, the Foundation has only encountered the book when an instance of SCP-616-1 has been created. Destruction of SCP-616 is on hold until its author and/or creator can be identified.

Whenever SCP-616-1 consumes the result of one of the recipes from SCP-616, the subject briefly gains memetic or biological enhancements to help it carry out its kills despite erratic behavior. All effects tested thus far have worn off over the course of several hours. See Addendum 616-03-1 for further details.

Containment History: Due to its proximity to the █████ ███████, SCP-616’s activity was believed to be an escape by SCP-1000 from its containment zone. Agents responded to recontain the threat at one of the local villages only to find the entire settlement abandoned with several signs of a struggle. As this was not SCP-1000 behavior, reinforcements were called in. SCP-616-1 had killed the town’s residents and was proceeding to cannibalize several infantile corpses.

SCP-616-1 became immediately hostile upon discovering the agents and attacked. SCP-616-1 showed signs of severe dementia and an inability to feel pain (See Field Report 345X-23 for full details concerning capture). Rather than terminate the subject, Captain Roe decided to capture SCP-616-1 in case of possible anomalous activity. SCP-616 was discovered shortly afterwards.

Addendum 616-03-1:
At the request of the Director of Anomalous Containment, several recipes from SCP-616 were produced by Foundation chefs harvested from terminated D-Class as per instructed. The purpose of this particular experiment was to feed the results to SCP-616-1 and monitor the results. Please note that all editing for each recipe was made by the book’s writer, or previous wielders.

Project Lead: Doctor Annu, Sector-7 Memetic Division
SCP-616-1 at time of testing: █████ ████████

Title: Vanilla Surprise
Page: 3
Ingredients:

~~2.5~~ 2 c. finely crushed lumbars

2 Tbsp. placenta discharge

2 tsp. powdered teeth

1 c. mother’s milk, fresh

3/4 c. pancreatic extract

1/2 tsp. salt

1/2 c. liver fat (harvest fresh, don’t freeze)

1 living filly, 20-50 pounds [Substituted with D-Class, age 21, female, 56kg (112 lbs.) -Dr. Annu]

1 tsp. vanilla extract

Description: Preheat oven to ~~375~~ ~~350~~ 360 degrees. Place pan on flat surface.

While oven warms, suspend filly over large tub or bowl. Gut filly with a single ~~horizontal cut across abdomen~~ vertical cut from chest to crotch, making certain to collect enough blood and viscera to fill medium-sized bin. Dip paper paper cupcake liners in bowl, making sure to gather viscera. Air dry and place in cupcake pan.

Mix fat and pancreatic extract until moderate thickness. Add in discharge one tablespoon at a time, mixing well.

Mix lumbars, teeth, and salt together in separate container. Stir well and add to mix. Add vanilla (one more teaspoon optional if desired).

Divide mix equally into pans and bake for 16 minutes or until golden brown. Let cool for one minute. Serve and enjoy.

Result: Curiously, upon consuming the cupcakes, the subject showed remarkable docility that hadn’t been recorded since containment began. This turned out to be short-lived, as SP-616-1 quickly became enraged, repeating, “Wrong!”, “Do it again!”, or various profanities at staff. The subject injured two security guards before being restrained. Tranquilizers proved to be ineffective and the subject was forced into steel restraints until mania subsided.

There were twenty seven confirmed deaths to Miss ████████’s name upon capture. While it is possible that SCP-616-1 sampled this particular recipe, there were no confirmed filly deaths to her name. It is possible investigators missed a body, but this also brings up the possibility that the subject inherently knows the results of each recipe whether they’ve sampled them or not.
~Doctor Annu, Sector-7 Memetic Division

It’s intriguing because the experiment almost turned out to induce tranquility in the subject. I recommend we follow the recipe faithfully and feed it to SCP-616-1 as a means to contain the subject’s violent tendencies more easily
~Tinfeathers, Security Consultant

Denied. I will not allow this for the remainder of my tenure at Sector-7. We’re scientists, not monsters.
~Doctor Annu, Sector-7 Memetic Division

Title: Riding High
Page: 12
Ingredients:

1 1/2 c. finely ground cervical vertebrae

~~1.5~~ 1 tsp. powdered teeth

1 c. pancreatic extract

1 tsp. salt

1 tsp. urine

1 c. water

1/2 c. brain fluid

1/4 c. crushed griffon beak, freshly removed w/ viscera

1/4 c. crushed Hercules beetles

Description: Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Mix all dry ingredients together in medium-sized pan. Add all liquids. Stir until all lumps are removed. Batter should have moderate to heavy thickness.

Bake for 15 minutes and serve.

Result: After ingestion, SCP-616 proved to be very excitable, but no more violent than normal towards staff. Staff noticed increased dexterity and muscle strength in the subject that no non-anomalous individual should be capable of. Effects passed after eighteen (18) hours.

Title: Creamy Cream Cupcakes
Page: 44
Ingredients:

8 oz. jellied brain matter

~~2~~ 3 Tbsp. placenta discharge

1 1/2 c. finely crushed lumbar vertebrae

1 c. pancreatic extract

1 tsp. powdered teeth (colt teeth preferable)

1 Tbsp. urine

1 Tbsp. apple cider

1 tsp. vanilla extract

1 c. shank, shredded (sirloin for optimum flavor)

1 c. colt testes, ~~minced~~ diced

3/4 c. water

1/2 c. of liver fat

1/3 c. pancreatic extract

1/8 c. crushed griffon beak, freshly removed w/ viscera

1/8 c. crushed Hercules beetles

~~1/8 teaspoon salt~~

Description: Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Use wood stove for best results. Prepare cupcake liners ahead of time.

Mix lumbars, 1 cup of pancreatic extract, griffon beak, beetles, teeth, ~~and salt~~ in in large mixing bowl. Add placenta, fat, urine, cider, water, and vanilla; mix well and remove all lumps. Pour batter into cupcake liners.

Beat 1/3 cup of pancreatic extract and brain matter in a separate bowl. Mix with wire whisk and use rib bone to scrape bottom of bowl as needed. Thoroughly mix until consistency is uniform. Fold shank into mix slowly. Drop mix onto settled cupcakes by the tablespoon. Sprinkle with testes.

Bake for 25-30 minutes. Let cool for 10 minutes. Serve.

Result: Cupcakes were delivered to shackled subject via D-Class (D-37665) and were quickly consumed. Despite being told previously to evacuate the chamber after delivering the cupcake to SCP-616-1, D-37665 did not follow orders. D-37665 claimed he wanted to exit the chamber but could not remove himself from SCP-616-1’s presence before having his throat torn open by the subject’s teeth. D-37665 exsanguinated shortly afterwards.

Security entered to muzzle the subject and remove D-37655. The closer security staff came to the subject, the more they claimed to feel an unnatural apathy and unwillingness to remove themselves from SCP-616-1’s presence. Staff were ordered to exit the chamber and wait out the recipe’s effects. Subject managed to escape its bindings over the course of the next several hours and proceeded to devour D-37665’s corpse. For safety reasons, security was ordered to wait a full 24 hours in order to purge the memetic effects from SCP-616-1’s presence. Subject successfully contained shortly afterwards with minimal casualties.

If it weren’t for the subject’s volatile temperament, the book is a treasure trove of cognitohazard abilities. I propose trial runs in order to weaponize SCP-616-1, or discover a means to duplicate the effects.
~Doctor Freya

Limited memetic testing approved. Field testing SCP-616-1 is denied.
~Doctor Salizar, Director of Resources

Title: Plain Cupcakes
Page: 59
Ingredients:

2 Tbsp. placenta discharge

1 c. course powdered cervical vertebrae

1 tsp. powdered teeth

2⁄3 c. pancreatic extract

1⁄2 c. brain fluid

1⁄2 tsp salt

Description: Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Mix all ingredients together until batter is very smooth. Fill pan of cupcakes and bake until toothpick piercing the center comes away clean. Let sit for 10 minutes and serve.

Result: After last test, SCP-616-1 was placed in steel restraints prior to testing and released remotely after being fed the results.

SCP-616-1’s behavior did not change and proceeded to hurl expletives as staff. Surveillance equipment continued to monitor and catalog SCP-616-1’s presence, but all on site staff reported they have trouble directly observing the subject. All words became white noise and direct eye contact could not be made for more than a few seconds as if to make itself unknowable. Extended removal from direct observation forced viewers to forget SCP-616-1’s presence entirely. Security staff reported being unable to see SCP-616-1 until shown photographic proof it was still in the cell. Subject was not recontained until effects wore off seventeen (17) hours later.

Title: ~~Her Nightly Scream~~ Selenophobia
Page: 102
Ingredients:

Shards

3 Tbsp. stomach fat

Frosting

1 1/3 c. bone marrow

1/4 c. liver fat

1 c. fluid from eyes (Crushing works best)

Cupcakes

1 c. finely powdered sternum

3/4 tsp powdered teeth

1/2 tsp. salt

1/4 tsp. skull fragments, finely ground

1/2 c. boiling water

1/6 c. crushed griffon beak, freshly removed w/ viscera

1/6 c. crushed Hercules beetles

1/2 c. boiled pericardium

3/4 c. pancreatic extract

1/2 tsp. vanilla

1 Tbsp. placenta discharge

Description: Heat stomach fat over stove. If skull is intact, place inside for one minute or until melted (This helps with flavoring). Pour over 10x12 inch wax paper until cooled. Cut into 3x3 inch segments and place another 10x12 inch wax paper or skinned hide over pan and press to remove air bubbles. Roll into cylinder and refrigerate until set.

Place 1/4 cup of boiled pericardium and bone marrow in medium heat. In small microwavable bowl, microwave liver fat on High about 1 minute or until fat just begins to simmer. Pour over pericardium and bone marrow. Beat with whisk until mixture is smooth and shiny. Refrigerate 30 to 45 minutes until completely cooled, stirring occasionally to remove lumps. Use spare rib to scrape bottom of bowl as needed.

Heat oven to 350. In medium bowl, mix sternum, teeth, salt, and skull fragments together into an even mix; set aside. In small bowl, mix boiling water, beak, and beetles.

In large bowl, beat remaining pericardium with wire whisk. Gradually add pancreatic extract, beating 2 more minutes. Beat in vanilla and placenta until blended. On low, alternately add sternum mixture and beak mixture, beating just until blended. Divide batter among cupcake liners. Bake 20 to 25 minutes or until toothpick comes out clean. Cool 5 minutes. Remove from pan to cooling racks. Cool completely.

Beat frosting moderately with separate wire whisk until light and fluffy, about 30 seconds (Do not overheat.) Fit decorating bag with large star tip. Fill bag with frosting. Pipe frosting in circular top of each cupcake and mounding frosting slightly in center.

Unroll waxed paper cylinder, causing stomach fat to crack creating shards. Garnish each cupcake with fat chunk. Store in refrigerator.

Result: Normally the subject, when not attempting to assault staff in its containment cell, is very eager to sample recipes from the book regardless if the recipe was faithfully followed or not. The subject appeared to be very hesitant when being told the name of the recipe, but ingested the cupcake upon request.

As protocol demanded, the room was evacuated in order to prevent possible attacks on D-Class or staff. Subject was released but was still for several minutes before being asked, “How are you feeling?” by Doctor Freya.

SCP-616-1 smiled, laughed, and said, “Very well, thank you.”

Subject proceeded to smash its face into the side of the containment wall. Medical and security opened the cell to to further secure SCP-616-1. Subject was quickly restrained and stabilized, but expired an hour later due to complications caused by the inflicted trauma.

Shortly after SCP-616-1’s confirmed death, SCP-616 disappeared from containment.

After the death of the subject, SCP-616’s full effects became known. The object vanished from Foundation custody until it resurfaced after the Foundation confirmed reports of a violent serial killer prowling Manehatten. Containment protocols were updated in light of this new information.

Addendum 616-03-5: Memo from Dr. Annu

I feel disappointed that I must state that SCP-616-1 is not to be used to dispose of particularly violent D-Class. Not only is this a breach of standard termination protocol, but basic ethics granted to all living individuals. Yes, the D-Class involved were scheduled for termination a week later, but it is not at the liberty of research staff to decide alternate termination measures, or change the time of termination. Those involved are lucky that SCP-616-1 managed to kill the D-Class before it had the chance to be killed itself.

I would to like remind all those reading this memo about what happens if SCP-616-1 is killed. Would you really chance what happened to Ned will not happen to you? If SCP-616-1 were to die, SCP-616 disappears. Comfort yourself with the thought that not even Foundation members are safe from the book’s effects. Think about that for a moment next time you risk it being read by someone else.

I reiterate: no one is to use SCP-616 to dispose of difficult staff/SCPs/D-Class/Doctor Salizar. You sick bastards.
~Dr. Annu, Sector-7 Memetic Division

SCP Foundation Homesite
Editors:

SCP-01110000011010010110111001101011-J — OH GOD IT'S HERE

Item #: 01110000011010010110111001101011-J

Object Class: KETER MOTHERFUCKER

Special Containment Procedures: We don't know where the fuck it is and we don't want to know. Should the subject ever be located, respond with locating Mobile Task Force Alpha-1 “KILL IT WITH FIRE” in order to contain the subject. If encountered by anybody short of a mobile task force, the subject is to be left the fuck alone. The subject’s last known location was in the middle of Ponyville before evading capture.

Field agents are advised to run away screaming when coming into contact with the subject in order to broadcast their location. Urinating to make themselves look like a less appealing target is also advisable.

Description: The subject is a type of hairy mammalian creature that feeds off of friendship. All who come into contact with are are quickly enthralled and forced to love it. I swear it licked me once.

Dr. Lockheart has been placed in secure memetic containment pending further review.
~O5-██

You sick fuck.

Discovery:

I was just walking back from my water polo match at the nursing home when I turn a corner to go get some donuts. I see it sitting there chewing on a hubcap and it looks at me, like, “I’ll rape your soul until you can’t have children.”

These are the last logs of Agent [REDACTED]. Agent was last seen being embraced by the subject and is presumed missing. We were too scared to look for him.

SCP Foundation Homesite

Author's Note

In hindsight, it should have been released four days ago.

The Deadshot Diaries - String

The name’s Deadshot. What’s special ‘bout me? I’m a field agent, and retired. There’s a reason you don’t see retired field agents around the place. I know shit. I know shit to keep you alive in any situation. It’s my job to teach you little shits how to survive in the field. You think you’ve got what it takes?

Everyone, raise your hand if you were approached by a superior to some to attend this little soiree of mine.

See? All of ya. Wait... not you? Well, who the fuck are you? No, this isn’t strictly voluntary; get the hell outta here.

Wait a sec. If you’ve made a mistake like that, more than likely you’ll need what I gotta say. No, the rest of you can’t leave in his place.

So, I’m here to tell you a little story. I owe a guy a favor, and that’s why I’m here, so listen up. Who among you’ve had thoughts ‘bout breakin’ the masquerade and tellin’ a civvie ‘bout a skip during a mission? I see a couple of ya thought about it. Brave souls.

You’re all idiots.

For the new guys, skips are what field agents call the anomalies. The things that explode if you so much as look at ‘em. I’m sure you can figure out why we call ‘em that.

Lemme tell ya about a friend ‘o mine. He’s a field agent, like yourselves. He bagged and tagged his fair share of skips. Most skips you’ll come across are harmless. Even those that ain’t, usually come with us if you talk ‘em down from whatever they’re doin’. This guy didn’t have to this time. See, he was just doin’ his job when he got wind from the spooks that a skip was found by one of our VIPs. Civvies or military that don’t have nothin’ to do with us, but we gotta keep an eye out for them anyway.

His job? Go switch out reports. That way the boys can send Intel to find out what the hell we were dealin’ with, and then get containment up and runnin’.

Nah, he switched them just fine. That ain’t the point. Didn’t even get pasted by the skip. Somethin’ worse happened: he got caught by another VIP.

Nah, he’s alive. Didn’t even get his memories messed with by the spooks. He’s enjoin’ a nice holiday in Canterlot. Foundation smoothed things over with the civvie that caught our guy with his cock in the wind, bagged a new skip, switched out the report, and the original finder was none the wiser ‘bout what she found.

Shit’s all just wrapped up in a nice bow, ain’t it?

That second VIP was Celestia herself.

You ever get cavalier ‘bout the Foundation’s dirty little secrets, and the Foundation takes notice. I want you to remember this, and remember this real fuckin’ good: you ever cut that string, accidentally or deliberately, you better make damn sure you can put it back together in a pinch. You may be thinkin’ about just wipin’ a civvie's memory after gettin’ their help. You gotta get that far first. The brass and the bosses can always smooth things over to an extent, but you gotta remember, when you’re in the field, it’s your ass on the line, not theirs.

You might think a civvie can help. They might know the lay or the land, the political climate, or some weird shit you’ll need to get the job done. We got agents much more experienced than you to do that job. Do not try to do their job for them, even if they ain’t there to do it.

You with the tie. Question? Where is he now? Still in Canterlot. He’s Celestia’s personal scribe, last time I checked. That was the price of allowin’ Intel unlimited access to the skip. Spooks can’t even exfil him; they gotta find him first.

Yeah, she knows about us.

Better hope your scissors are fuckin’ dull.

SCP Foundation Homesite
Loosely based after The Lombardi Tales

SCP-032 — Steel Serpent

Item #: SCP-032

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: Due to the immense size of the subject, containment is limited to isolating SCP-032 from the public eye. Permission to enter the containment area has already been denied to all civilians on the grounds of hazardous and unstable underground terrain. Any possible seismic activity reported on site is to be passed off to the public as a minor tremor.

Two squads must be deployed in SCP-032’s habitat at all times. One team is to scout the caverns in order to apprehend any explorers, geologists, or spelunkers. If found, they are to be given a Class-B Mnemonic Enhancement and released with implanted memories to ensure no return trip. It is the other team’s duty to report and catalog all activity made by the subject no matter how benign.

Description: The subject currently resides approximately ███ meters beneath █████████ (coordinates ██°██'S ██°██'E). Currently, SCP-032 only resides in a single chamber and a series of several smaller antechambers, moving between them as needed. Regardless, it has burrowed into multiple rock and metal deposits outside of its layer despite consistently returning to its original location.

SCP-032 is a massive mechanical serpent between sixty (60) and sixty five (65) meters in length, and weighs between three hundred fifty (350) and four hundred (400) tons. Perfect measurements cannot be taken as the subject has been known to augment its own body and composition with materials from its environment. The subject is entirely inorganic, with roughly eighty (80) percent of its body composed of natural subterranean elements such as limestone, iron, and amoxcyte mana crystals. The subject’s core and internal components, however, are shielded by an internal shell composed of an as of yet unknown alloy. Current magical scanning and drilling equipment has yet to pierce the shell. Several other unknown metals on the serpent’s outer shell have been detected and are currently undergoing analysis.

SCP-032 consumes inorganic material and uses a magical entropy field spell matrix to break down minerals into a molecular furnace. These raw materials are then used to modify the subject’s internal structure to create both internally and externally-mounted tools for various purposes, or handcrafted complex molecules for more advanced electrical systems and tools, several of which are currently undergoing testing. Although not nearly so common, the creature has also crafted various devices, both crude and advanced, near its lair (See document 174X-32 for current list of items).

It is currently unknown if SCP-032 possesses a level of intelligence to sustain itself, or is currently running some set of preprogrammed directives (See Addendum 032-1). Currently, the subject does display a rudimentary knowledge of english, yet only responds to inquiries at atypical intervals. SCP-032 contains no conventional mouth, except when one is crafted for burrowing, construction, or other ulterior purposes, and instead speaks through a projective device that shifts positions throughout its body.

Containment History: SCP-032 was first discovered during the analysis of after action reports concerning ███ ██████████ ████████ in █████████. In particular, the log of ████████ ██ █████ ███████ reported ███ had a conversation with an unknown creature during the course of ███ ordeal. Agents on scene were able to sanitize the report in time, although not without alerting ████████ ████████ to their presence.

[REDACTED]

[REDACTED]

[REDACTED]

Shortly after, the Foundation sent its own exploratory team into the caverns underneath █████████. After four days of search, field agents detected signs of a large burrower and discovered SCP-032. Field agents were reportedly were taken by surprise as the subject used a variety of laser technology to hollow out the cavern and accidentally killed one of the agents. Agents engaged the subject and received one casualty before SCP-032 inexplicably entered a state of dormancy and did not awaken until ██/██/████.

Addendum 032-1: A log of Dr. Glow’s and Dr. ██████’s conversation with SCP-032. Dr. ██████ was selected due to his expertise in xenolinguistics, and Dr. Glow for his knowledge of cryptography and artificial intelligence. The subject had exited its state of dormancy approximately two and a half hours prior to this conversation taking place.

Interviewer: Dr. Glow, Dr. █████
Interviewee: SCP-032

Dr. Glow: Do, Re, Mi, Fa, So, La, Ti, Do. [Clicking sound] Recording is just fine.

Dr. █████: Alright.

[Sound of shuffling papers]

Dr. █████: This Dr. █████’s log, and I am currently accompanied by the esteemed Mr. Glow.

Dr. Glow: Present!

Dr. █████: It is currently ██:██ on date ██/██/████. I am here with SCP-032 and on the docket for today is some basic communication exercises with the subject. I don’t expect to get much done today given the circumstances. With a little luck, we might be able to determine if this thing is a sapient creature.

Dr. Glow: Fat chance with our luck.

[Hoofsteps]

Dr. Glow: Apologies, but can you hear us? My name is Doctor Glow.

SCP-032: [Coils inward towards itself]

Dr. Glow: We have a designation for you. Are you comfortable with being titled SCP-032 for now?

SCP-032: [Silent]

Dr. █████: We have taken quite a few photographs of you. I must say, I am very fascinated concerning what you are capable of. I never thought I’d see a functioning [REDACTED], especially one in action.

SCP-032: [A static noise erupts from its body, location unknown]

Dr. Glow: (whispers) I’d say enough with the basic fluff.

Dr. █████: Hablas español? English? ███ ███████ ██████████?

SCP-032: [static] ...b-behind.

Dr. Glow: Let it be known that the word “behind” has yet to be spoken to SCP-032.

Dr. █████: [Clears throat] Very well. SCP-032, if I may be so bold to call you as such, I’m curious, how did you get to our present location?

SCP-032: [static] T-t-they [unintelligible]

Dr. █████: Are there more of those like you?

SCP-032: [static] More...

Dr. █████: ...Are you saying there are more of you?

SCP-032: [Subject uncoils and enters one of the smaller antechambers. Upon catching up with the subject, both doctors report that SCP-032 had begun construction on another project]

Dr. Glow: [out of breath] A-are there more of you?

SCP-032: [static]

Dr. Glow: Pardon?

SCP-032: [unintelligible]

Dr. Glow: One more time, please?

SCP-032: [static] return...

[SP-032 abandons its project and returns to its primary chamber.]

Dr. █████: [To Dr. Glow] Return, behind, and more. Huh. Not much to go on.

Dr. Glow: Called it.

[Both doctors return to SCP-032]

SCP-032: [static] Invalid return [unintelligible]

Dr. █████: Do you not want to be followed?

SCP-032: Invalid return token [static]

Dr. █████: [whispers] Why does it answer so intermittently?

Dr. Glow: [whispers] I find it more strange that it’s been so forthcoming. The replies don’t make sense, but they’re consistent.

Dr. █████: Alright, but what’s a token?

Dr. Glow: It’s used in authentication. Like, a, uhmmm, a request to do something needs the proper authorization. A token.

Dr. █████: So a “return” token?

Dr. Glow: Rough guess? A signal to return that was incorrect or corrupted.

Dr. █████: [EXPLETIVE REDACTED].

Dr. Glow: Just a guess. But yeah. [EXPLETIVE REDACTED].

Dr. █████: And I’ve been poking around all these machines and whatnot. Most are some form of mining equipment.

SCP-032: [Returns to the antechamber to continue work on its project]

Dr. Glow: [Calling after SCP-032] Who is authorized to give you a valid token?

SCP-032: [unintelligible] of [static] ███████ of the █████████ Division.

Dr. █████: Forthcoming indeed.

Dr. Glow: Not where I’d like to end it, and I didn’t get what I want, but there’s enough to think about now.

Dr. █████: Hold on.

[Both doctors pursue SCP-032]

Dr. █████: What is your mission here?

If my intuition is correct, some of its internal components have been damaged. There’s no telling what the extent of the damage is, if that is even the problem, if we can’t crack open the core. It might take offense to that, and I’m concerned that more could follow this one through if we make this one upset.
~Dr. Glow

I’m not certain when SCP-032 gained a knowledge of the common tongue. It is very possible it learned the language from extended contact with ██ █████ ███████, but I haven’t been able to confirm that. If it was this ███████ uploading our language to SCP-032, then I sincerely wonder where he got the lexicon.
~Dr. █████

SCP Foundation Homesite

Author's Note

I'm on the fence on this one. Something still feels missing, and I'm not quite sure what it is. Well, I'm not opposed to a little touch up if needed.

Anyway. If you'd like to make your own MLP-themed SCP entry, log, or just some cool material, feel free to toss me a PM.

Document 174X-32 — SCP-032 Device and Tool log

Document #: 174X-32

The following is the documentational log for both SCP-032’s created devices and tools, along with a brief description using the following format. Any non-anomalous or mundane devices will be made available for limited Foundation usage after thorough testing.

Type: Exterior shell tools or crafted devices separate from the SCP-032 entity.
ID: Numerical designation for object.
Description: A brief description of the object.
Note: Any further notes made by the recording individual.

Type: Tool
ID: 005
Description: Diamond tipped drill
Note: A forward-mounted drill. Analysis detects no discrepancies from mass produced industrial drilling equipment, and it performs as conventionally expected.

Type: Tool
ID: 103
Description: Laser cutter
Note: Item appears to be defensive, despite field reports vouching that the cutter has been used to mine the surrounding area around the subject. A nozzled projection emits a high temperature beam that cuts through the surrounding rock.

Type: Device
ID: 132
Description: ██ █████ █ ███████
Note: [DATA EXPUNGED] All further experimentation has been discontinued. All personnel are advised to evacuate should SCP-032 repair this device or construct another ever again.

Type: Tool
ID: 008
Description: Welder
Note: A side-mounted tungsten arc welder. It should be noted that there is no tungsten ore below █████████, but otherwise the device performs as expected of standard welding equipment.

Type: Device
ID: 086
Description: Circular metallic gateway composed of unknown materials. Anything that passes through the gate is covered in a microscopic layer of carbon that exponentially increases its strength and sharpness. Studies are currently ongoing to discover how such a process takes place.
Note: All items placed through the gateway are to be cataloged and placed in secure storage. See supplemental document 174X-32-086 for a complete list of items.

Type: Tool
ID: 054
Description: Defensive electrical discharge
Note: A singular circular node atop a coiled steel pylon. Item is wired directly into SCP-032’s core and emits a high voltage electrical shock.

Type: Device
ID: 055
Description: Plague generator
Note: A circular cuff that tightens when any limb is placed inside. The subject is injected with a randomized disease each time, despite no external feed for contagions, and the item is not limited to a single pathogen. Item has been removed from the site and is currently undergoing analysis. SCP designation is pending.
Addendum: Let’s not test it again until it gets to a secure environment. I’d much rather not have to deal with an alien outbreak for which the world has no defense. -Fang, Security Consultant

Type: Device
ID: 045
Description: Light Emitter
Note: Mushroom-shaped nodule with an accompanying lever. When the lever is pulled, the head opens and expels a magical light sphere. The sphere appears to hold no other purpose other than illumination and follows the person who pulled the lever. The sphere disappears after four hours, or if the lever is pulled again.

Type: Device
ID: 023
Description: Drink dispenser?
Note: Item was initially constructed to resemble a drink vending machine. Doctor Brush Stream inserted ten bits and selected a drink titled Sparkle Cola. A live grenade dispensed in the drink slot instead of the selected drink or another advertised beverage. Doctor Stream was killed in the explosion and another two staff were injured. Item 023 was destroyed in the explosion.
Addendum: Let’s not try these outside of testing again.

Type: Tool
ID: 018
Description: Gas discharge
Note: Disk-shaped emitter that projects high-energy gas. Analysis shows 100% of collected gases thus far are naturally found in the atmosphere, but superheated to roughly 9,000 degrees.
Addendum: I found the gas to be highly conductive. Very odd, considering gases are normally insulators. It’s not acting like conventional physics should suggest a gas should behave. Perhaps the temperature is the variable? -Doctor Tumbler

Type: Tool
ID: 002
Description: Mechanical limbs
Note: Several different exoskeletal nodes are folded under this particular tool definition. SCP-032 utilizes several advanced mechanical prongs, arms, claws, scoops, and other limbs to move its surrounding environment when it requires a more dextrous touch. These are its primary method of assembling devices once it has broken down raw materials.

Type: Tool
ID: 060
Description: Refractory stealth cloak
Note: Item appears to be projected from inside SCP-032’s core itself, as there are no external nodes to produce the effect. SCP-032’s outer shell is divided into microscopic fragments and each fragment reflects what is on the opposite side of SCO-032, rendering the subject invisible should it remain still. Movement causes a “shimmering” effect that reveals the subject’s location, but does not break the stealth effect.
Addendum: All gathered documentation (supplemental document 174X-32-060) is to be forwarded to Project: Nightwalker until further notice. -O3

Type: Device
ID: 034
Description: Cloud of laughing gas
Note: A mechanical crank attached to a perforated isosphere. When the crank is turned, nitrous oxide is pumped through the isosphere.
Addendum: Why the hell did it even make this? -Doctor Tumbler

Type: Tool
ID: 001
Description: Speaker
Note: A speaker that projects sound from within SCP-032’s body cavity. The location of the item shifts as SCP-032 adds and subtracts matter from itself and is currently the default communication device from which it speaks to Foundation staff. Basic construction has yet to be identified.

Type: Tool
ID: 012
Description: Scent machine
Note: A small fan that projects a scent that reportedly smells like lavender. Analysis concluded no added chemicals or materials in the area to produce a smell. It is unknown what purpose item 012 serves.

Type: Device
ID: 019
Description: Bottomless hole
Note: Device is composed of a single concrete cube measuring one square meter. A single hole is roughly carved in the center. The measured depth of the hole is currently four hundred forty (440) meters with no known bottom.
Addendum: I’ve already tossed a bit down there. Damn. -Doctor Tumbler

Type: Tool
ID: 027
Description: Corrosive gel
Note: Forward-mounted finned barrel that disperses a thick stream of unidentified gel that corrodes any substance on contact. SCP-032 utilizes this equipment as a tunneling device despite having several others at its disposal. The gel has been proven to be highly corrosive with no known material being able to resist corrosion.

Type: Tool
ID: 003
Description: Molecular furnace
Note: The subject utilizes a forward-mounted cavity along with item 002 to consume metals, earth, and refuse and break them down into their base molecules. These raw materials are then distributed throughout SCP-032’s interior for storage, to modify its inorganic exoskeleton, or utilized to build additional devices.

Further items will be cataloged as they are crafted. Any additional documentation is to be placed under the same directory as this document.

SCP Foundation Homesite

SCP-203 — Wither

Item #: SCP-203

Object Class: ~~Safe~~ ~~Euclid~~ Keter

Special Containment Procedures: The subject is to be under passive observation until further notice. This is due to its regenerative ability bearing remarkable similarities to SCP-267’s shapeshifting, as SCP-267’s genetic material was the base for SCP-203. The subject is currently held in the Site-16 Thaumatology ~~low-risk containment cells~~ biohazard and pathogen containment research center.

~~The subject is to be placed in a standard containment unit capable of restraining docile life forms and equipped with all amenities to prevent the subject from accidentally harming itself. Due to its mental deficiency, constant vigilance is a necessity in order to prevent accidental self harm. A trauma team is to be placed on standby at all times should any accidents occur, or for unforeseen complications during testing.~~ (Rescinded on ██/██/████)

The subject is to be placed in a maximum security hermetically sealed biohazard containment unit under negative pressure. The unit is to be sealed at all times. Any and all individuals entering the cell, regardless of reasons, must wear the specified hazmat gear outlined in Addendum 17. Failure to do so is punishment in of itself.

What’s left of you will be incinerated. Yes, she’s small and cute, and the nickname “Wither” I’ve heard floating around is endearing, but that doesn’t change the fact she has thirty seven deaths to her name.
~Doctor Zorn, Research Lead

All individuals interacting with the subject are under Level 5 Biohazard quarantine until otherwise cleared (For a full list of decontamination procedures, see attached supplemental documentation). No individual is allowed to directly touch the subject, or remove their own external air supplies until quarantine has been lifted. Weekly sweeps of all areas the subject has visited, along with any and all personnel interacting with it, are to be cleansed with Dimethyl Sulfoxide in order to destroy any particulates or cellular material it may have shed. Decontamination sweeps are mandatory and cannot be halted regardless of circumstances.

Should the subject ever escape confinement, the facility is to be placed in Level 5 Biohazard Containment until the subject is safely secured in its cell. The quarantine is not to be lifted until a full site decontamination has been implemented and verified both on and off site. Should it come to pass that another lifeform directly touches the subject and it uses their cellular material to regenerate its body, they are to be immediately terminated with extreme prejudice.

Due to the secondary abilities of the subject, termination review of the subject is suspended until its regenerative properties are better understood, as it is unknown if the subject may be able to regenerate at alternate cellular sites only when its “main” body is destroyed. As such, termination of the subject would only allow it to regenerate in another possibly unsecure location.

Seriously, I’ve come up with nothing that can stop her should she get out again. All it takes is one cell somewhere else, and she’s gone. Pray she stays brain dead, because we are so boned otherwise.
~Doctor Scarlet

Description: The subject is a female earth pony entity approximately .94m (3.08ft.) in height and 23kg (50.71lbs) in weight, although these measurements have been known to vary widely both before and after testing. The subject’s physical profile is in a constant state of extreme physiological flux due to its unique abilities (See project document 8715-206 for further details).

The subject displays powers of extreme cellular mitosis that border on instantaneous regeneration of bodily damage. The subject has been currently clocked at having been able to regenerate entire limbs within the span of one (1) to four (4) hours, regardless of caloric intake, although it is suspected that the process can be accelerated under trauma testing. How the subject is capable of repairing such bodily trauma without sustenance is unknown and is undergoing review.

Other than its unique abilities, the subject has shown remarkable similarities with Equestrians. It possesses two common recessive genetic disorders, and forty eight (48) percent of its genes are identical to those tracing Canterlot genealogical ancestry. This is possibly an avenue of research in regards to SCP-267’s origin.

Currently the subject displays no higher brain functions. Cranial imaging has shown severe atrophy in the frontal lobe, with a cessation of almost all activity in the prefrontal cortex. Conversely, what has been identified as the temporal lobe has shown consistent synaptic activity, despite increased synaptic necrosis in its remaining brain tissue over the course of its lifetime.

██/██/████
The subject has shown the ability to absorb and break down organic material as supplementary caloric intake and fuel for regeneration. Although ingestion is the preferred method, absorption through skin contact has been confirmed during multiple research testing procedures. No forms of inorganic absorption have been observed.

Through this tactile absorption, it has been confirmed that the subject’s skin may double as a form of permeable filter that removed particulates and waste material from acceptable organic material, including liquid solutions. This ability has kept the subject alive even during trauma testing where as much as 68% of its body has been destroyed.

It has been confirmed that the subject can also absorb organic material from living organisms.

██/██/████
A second notable ability of its tissue regeneration is that the subject can regenerate from any single, living cell, regardless of its position to the host body. Despite complete bodily destruction during Incident Report 86-42, the subject was capable of regenerating up to 59% of its original bodily mass before breaking containment on ██/██/████. It is currently unknown if the subject can sustain multiple copies of itself should its tissue be scattered in multiple locations. It is also unknown how the subject can sustain such extreme regeneration without a notable form of nourishment or energy supplemental. All testing has been postponed until further notice.

Containment History: Embedded agent Doctor H████ had theorized that SCP-267 could be studied in order to produce rapid healing, considering the subject healed its wounds far faster than any known species. Doctor H████ was granted access to SCP-267 in order to pursue his avenue of research (See supplementary documentation under SCP-267 for further details).

SCP-203 was cloned from SCP-267 genetic material and held much promise, but its slowly degrading mental condition moved its classification to a failure. Its abilities were documented over the course of two years. Unfortunately, on ██/██/████, Doctors Herod and Harmony died after coming into direct contact with the subject. Upon its touch, SCP-203 used their biological material in order to regenerate wounds suffered from testing earlier that day. Both doctors remains were incinerated. Containment was updated in light of the situation.

Once its abilities were fully documented, the subject was scheduled for termination. This proved to have a severely adverse side effect. Upon confirmed death of the subject, Site-16 was locked under biological quarantine as SCP-203 used its DNA shed in adjacent corridors to regenerate its body. Magical and projectile weapons proved ineffective at terminating the subject once again.

The subject used security and janitorial personnel to regenerate its body, but left several masses of unknown biological tissue in its wake that, upon later testing, bore several of the subject’s genetic markers. The masses of flesh broke down tissue, bone, and muscle just as SCP-203’s main body does. These masses of flesh began to slowly expand and envelop over the course of several days with every consumed member of staff.

Site-16’s quarantine status was manually upgraded to Level 5 by Site Director Belladonna. Field Agents were brought in from Site-08 to purge Site-16 and succeeded. Total casualties include eighteen (18) doctors and research staff, twenty seven (27) field agents, and forty nine (49) miscellaneous Foundation staff. SCP-203 was recontained after four days of assault on Site-16.

Author's Note

If you want to write your own SCP and have it posted here, feel free to hit me with a PM.

SCP-002 — The Blind Burden

Item #: SCP-002

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-002-1 and SCP-002-2 are currently uncontained, and no measure has been theorized to effectively contain either as long as they are together. Containment has been restricted to surveillance of the subject and limiting exposure to civilian populations until suitable containment can be constructed.

Current approximate time to nearest civilized area: Three (3) weeks.

Description: SCP-002-1 appears to be a mildly emaciated, dark brown minotaur. Despite possessing a full range of movement, the subject’s form is very rigid as if made of stone, but this cannot be confirmed until it can be safely approached. The subject remains blindfolded at all times, and yet still navigates its path with relative ease. The subject is unaffected by magic, but may have some means of detecting when it is being cast (See Addendum 1). There does not appear to be any set destination for SCP-002-1.

Any flora or fauna that enters an estimated two (2) kilometer radius of the subject begin to rapidly dehydrate until they are devoid of all water. The effect accelerates the closer one is to SCP-002-1, with teleporting D-Class to its immediate vicinity resulting in instant mummification. Air and soil also suffer rapid evaporation and dehydration, preventing the formation of clouds or condensation during colder weather. SCP-002-1 remaining in one area for an extended period of time results in the death of soil bacteria and all life that requires some form of moisture in order to function, creating an arid desert incapable of supporting other creatures.

SCP-002-2 is a large coffin constructed out of what appears to be moabi wood with unknown text painted across the surface (See Addendum 2). The entire surface is weather-worn due to SCP-002-1’s travel, but the arid conditions surrounding it have left it preserved over time. Sand with silica traces typical of the Muudi Desert continuously pours from the coffin and corrodes any unnatural structures and/or barricades. No containment methods have been able to circumvent the sand’s effects.

SCP-002-1 does not require rest, sleep, or any form of nourishment, and SCP-002-2 is always seen bound to its back with iron chains.

Addendum 1: A log of attempts to communicate or restrain SCP-002.

Attempt 1: A stone sign was placed in the direct path of SCP-002-1 with the text “What is your name?” in modern Equestrian.

Result: SCP-002-1 does not visibly react to the sign and continues walking.

Note: I know thoroughness is a virtue, but it’s blind. What did you expect? -Doctor Willow

Attempt 2: Magic was used to teleport a stone sign in its direct path with the text “What is your name?” in modern Equestrian.

Result: SCP-002 does not react to the appearance of the sign. Curiously, SCP-002-1 stopped walking for one second as the field agent on scene teleported the sign. SCP-002 then continued to carry the coffin and ignored the sign.

Attempt 3: Magic was used to teleport a stone sign in its direct path with the text “What is your name?” printed in modern and ancient Minoan.

Result: SCP-002 pauses once more at the moment of teleportation, but ignores the sign.

Attempt 4: Concrete barricades were cast in order to funnel SCP-002-1 into an unscalable canyon. Barricades were set in place in its perceived route ahead of time, with one final barrier prepared to seal the canyon off by assembled D-Class.

Result: SCP-002-1 did not walk its expected course, but the barricades were sufficient in hemming in the subject. However, the sand trailing from SCP-002-2 proved enough to corrode the barricades into dust and SCP-002-1 continued its path.

Attempt 5: A single radio was teleported into SCP-002-1’s direct path. Dr. ██████ was on standby with a list of questions. Dr. ██████ was selected due to his xenolinguistics expertise in hopes of communicating with the subject.

Result: SCP-002-1 pauses at the moment of teleportation, but does not respond to any attempts at communication. SCP-002-1 deviates from its expected path and is currently estimated to come into contact with Dodge Junction, Equestria in three (3) months at its current pace.

Attempt 6: Unicorn field agents were to separate SCP-002-1 from SCP-002-2 with telekinesis.

Result: Attempt aborted. Field agents on site were unable to affect objects at the two kilometer limit.

Attempt 7: Agents on site were to enter the subject’s radius of effect and attempt to separate SCP-002-1 from the coffin. Agents were instructed to navigate to one kilometer from the subject and repeat Attempt 6.

Result: Agents on site reported that any spellcraft seemed to “slide” off of SCP-002-1 and the coffin despite repeated tries and direct line of sight. Agents were instructed to return to base of operations and were treated for dehydration.

Attempt 8: Resources were shipped on site to carve out natural rock formations into suitable barricades for containment purposes. Three (3) squads of unicorns were directed to the Equestrian border in order to assist with on site teleportation.

Result: Natural barricades from naturally occurring rock formations seemed somewhat effective at containing the subject. Staff had no direct line of sight of the subject, but mapped its location through its area of effect. Success proved to be short lived, as SCP-002-1 smashed its way through the stone with lengths of chains wrapped in its fists in a feat of strength a minotaur of its stature should not be able to accomplish. The chains proved to be undamaged and the subject continued its path after eighty seven (87) minutes of confinement.

Attempt 9: Agents on site were to collapse a natural rock formation on the subject.

Result: The subject buckled as it was entombed, but emerged from the rubble after eighteen (18) minutes, both it and the coffin undamaged.

Addendum 2: Current translation of the text across SCP-002-2. Translation is currently ongoing, and text is understood to be an ancient, archaic amalgamate language of some unknown dialect of Minoan and Zebrican descent.

[Eyes struck?] from thee for
Thine [walk/search?] lies open
[Whereas?] ye will [carry/shoulder?] worlds [unknown]
For she may [slumber/observe?] until [unknown]

SCP Foundation Homesite

Author's Note

Interested in writing your own SCP? Drop me a PM.

Log of Anomalous Items #3

Item Description: Blue and green pegasus feather. Those within approximately twelve (12) meters can only communicate in sheep noises.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Covert raid on the manor of ██████████.
Current Status: Incinerated.

Item Description: Orange candle with an orange flame. When lit, the candle will always remain lit for exactly four (4) hours regardless of the attempts to smother the flame.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Covert raid on the manor of ██████████.
Current Status: Used in containment of SCP-724.

Item Description: Stone depiction of a waxing moon. Item resets circadian rhythm, but only when used as a worship idol/icon.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Recovered artifact from SCP-724.
Current Status: Used with Mobile Task Force Tau-17 (“Night Mares”)

Item Description: Six six-sided dice. When rolled, all dice roll sixes.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Confiscated from Agent Avers.
Current Status: In storage.
Notes: Motherfucker kept getting max damage on his rolls. -Agent Page

Item Description: Grey candle with a grey flame. When lit, the room becomes darker regardless of previous illumination.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Covert raid on the manor of ██████████.
Current Status: Undergoing testing.

Item Description: White candle with a white flame. When lit, the holder spontaneously combusts.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Covert raid on the manor of ██████████.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: Blue candle with a blue flame. When lit, it appears to alter chance and provide good fortune.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Covert raid on the manor of ██████████.
Current Status: Undergoing testing.

Item Description: Purple candle with a purple flame. When lit, it renders the holder and the candle invisible.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Covert raid on the manor of ██████████.
Current Status: ~~In storage~~. ~~Testing.~~ Missing.
Notes: Where is the damn thing? -Researcher Sora, Catalog Office

Item Description: Yellow candle with a yellow flame. When lit, the holder spontaneously explodes.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Covert raid on the manor of ██████████.
Current Status: In storage.
Notes: I know the results of these tests are incidental, and this exact result is why we have D-Class, but this is getting ridiculous. -Researcher Sora, Catalog Office

Item Description: Large, curved tooth of indeterminate species. Item appears to greatly assist in active memory recall.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Manehatten History Museum, Oddity Wing.
Current Status: Undergoing testing.

Item Description: Alchemical bottle filled with wendigo tears. One drop will lower the temperature of anything it touches to exactly freezing.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Covert raid on the manor of ██████████.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A patched tent with several holes in it, yet consistently has an inside temperature of 24°C (75°F).
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Found at coordinates ██°██'S ██°██'E during a scouting mission by MTF Beta-7. Campsite showed signs of a struggle, but no bodies or trails were discovered.
Current Status: In use by MTF Beta-7.

Item Description: A single mummified Breezie hand. When held by any species with wings, they are seemingly incapable of flying any longer.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Found during a mass accident during a Breezie migration in ███████, Equestria. Agent on scene discovered and removed the item upon discovering the collapse of hundreds of Breezies.
Current Status: Medium value item storage at Site-16. SCP classification pending further approval.

Item Description: The skinned hide of a black feathered griffon that ensures sleepy individuals will always fall into REM sleep within five minutes.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: [REDACTED]
Current Status: Memetic item storage.
Notes: Despite the requests for personal use, I believe rumors that any member of staff using this would result in a significant decrease in morale. -Dr. █████

Item Description: Bloodied cloth wraps normally used for hoof boxing. Item makes the wearer incredibly friendly and promotes a desire for friendly duels.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Item seized by Manehatten officers after breaking up an illegal fighting ring. Seized later by Foundation assets.
Current Status: Low value item storage in Site-16.

Item Description: A gem-studded birch riding saddle that turns the wearer into a hermaphrodite.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Unearthed from a sand dune during a dust storm by Agent ████. Location was locally known as a “mobile brothel” staging area by a pony named ██████ Jubilee.
Current Status: Undergoing testing.
Notes: Alright, I want to know who’s assigning ████ his recon. -Researcher Sora

Item Description: A single green egg with a yolk that contains equine genetic material. Testing has provided inconclusive data pertaining to the egg’s origin.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Discovered in an open Zebrican market. Item came to the agent on scene’s attention as egg shells colored as such were not sold in that area.
Current Status: Undergoing testing.

Item Description: A hoof-printed recipe for cherry chimichangas that changes ingredients every time the recipe is made.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Nailed to a notice board in the port town of Isla de Skyhook.
Current Status: In the Site-16 mess hall.
Notes: I recommend the strawberry syrup and cranberry one if you get it. -Special Agent Mirage

Item Description: Probably not a daisy sandwich that definitely can be directly described.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Maybe somewhere close to where Agent Whispers was last.
Current Status: Half not eaten. Remains not in storage.

SCP Foundation Homesite

Author's Note

If you can spare the coin, feel free to visit my Patreon page.

If you'd like to add your own addition to the Foundation, feel free to PM me.

SCP-293 — The Cage

Item #: SCP-293

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: Any item contained by SCP-293, hereby referred to as SCP-293-1, must have its documentation freely available with this report at all times. Documentation for SCP-293 must likewise be available alongside any anomaly treated as SCP-293-1. Any transfer or study of SCP-293 or SCP-293-1 must be preceded by alerting the Site Director and site security.

Neither Keter-class SCPs nor any SCP that can produce a temporal effect are to be contained by SCP-293. Threat level of SCP-293-1 cannot exceed Level-3. Despite the safety net SCP-293 generates, it is required to have on site the full security measures necessary to contain SCP-293-1 at all times. Inability to do so renders any SCP exempt from containment via SCP-293. If not in use, SCP-293 is to be moved to secure containment storage at Site-07 with two posted guards. All four keys are to remain stored and secured separately when not in use.

The four individuals bound to SCP-293 must remain on site or readily available at all times during transfer, termination, or testing of SCP-293-1 or SCP-293 (See Document-293-299X for a complete list of past and present wielders).

Description: SCP-293 is a 3x3x7 meter iron cage and a set of four rusted iron keys. The cage bears several marks of minotaur craftsmanship.

In order for SCP-293 to function, each key must be bound to a single owner. Ownership is assigned by willingly shedding blood upon a key, and can only be relinquished upon death of the owner. Should there be less than three living owners and all use their keys, SCP-293 works as expected until all four keyholders die; SCP-293 is thusly rendered inert and the doors open. A new key cannot be reassigned until all four original owners have died, and the effects of SCP-293 cannot be reinstated until all four keys have been reassigned.

Upon using all four keys to close SCP-293, whatever is inside the cage is suspended in temporal stasis until the doors are opened. In such a state, SCP-293-1 does not emit heat, light, magical spellcraft, or any other radiant effect. The cage’s effects also suspends otherwise normal physical laws as well; SCP-293-1 will not possess mass or weight of any kind while contained. In short, SCP-293-1 becomes completely and utterly immobilized until the door opens.

Photograph of SCP-293 while empty.

Containment History:

02/23/████: A group of eight Minoan archaeologists begin excavation eighteen miles southwest of ████████ (coordinates ██°██'N ██°██'E) after discovering buried architectural remains.

02/26/████: Discovery of SCP-293 carvings (See Addendum).

02/28/████: Discovery of SCP-293 and its keys.

03/02/████: One archaeologist (Doctor █████ ██████, Ph.D), assigns himself to a key. Declared reason remains unknown.

03/06/████: SCP Agent █████ assists in partially translating the wall carvings. █████ calls for backup and requests amnesiacs for all parties involved.

03/07/████: Memory alteration of the translators, archaeologists, hired help, and official backers is successful. The SCP Foundation takes unofficial custody of the site under the guise of volunteers assisting with heavy workload.

03/15/████: SCP-293-01EX “Rosetta Stone” is partially translated (See Addendum). SCP-293’s general function and rules are outlined.

03/16/████: Trace amounts of blood, fluids, and desiccated viscera are found on site.

03/19/████: Testing to assign all four keys fails.

03/26/████: All archaeologists are brought in to eliminate the possibility that one of them was assigned to SCP-293. █████ ██████ is discovered to be linked to one of the keys. Remaining archaeologists given amnesiacs.

04/04/████: Review to keep █████ ██████ as official Foundation employee is denied. █████ ██████ is terminated.

All four keys are assigned to D-Class.

04/09/████: SCP-293 undergoes general testing and its effects are documented over the course of several days.

04/19/████: D-Class assigned to SCP-293 are terminated. Keys are assigned to Foundation personnel and the item is moved to Site-07.

04/20/████: Wall carvings are photographed and destroyed.

04/26/████: The dig is released to local scholastics upon concluding neither the location nor any artifacts within possess any paranormal effects.

05/12/████: Carving SCP-293-07EX’s and SCP-293-08EX’s partial translation warrants restrictions on what is allowed to be contained within SCP-293. Security measures are upgraded accordingly.

06/28/████: Biological samples partially identified. Trace amounts of Minoan genetic material make up very minor amounts of recovered samples, and are seemingly confined to where SCP-293 was held. Several animal remains are identified with varying genetic differences. The vast majority of recovered samples include genetic markers of ███████ descent. No known species present or currently studied has similar genetic markers with the sole exception of SCP-1945.

Addendum
Throughout the unearthed complex were eight wall carvings related to the recovery site and SCP-293. Analysis of the length and depth of each carving suggests that there were several different authors.

SCP-293-01EX

[Minoan?] hath commanded me to build [tomb/prison]
By iron blood I have done as he [missing text]
I used its [resolve/iron] against it
None may escape my [design/plan]
[Stuck/frozen/displaced] be the bull
I fear what may [missing text]
But my [design/plan] cannot fail

SCP-293-01EX was written in five different languages. Three are still being analyzed, one is partially translated but bears remarkable similarities to the dead ██████ language, and the last is an archaic Minoan dialect. All texts are written in the language currently undergoing translation (See Addendum 293-LOG127 for current lexicon).

SCP-293-02EX

[Minoan?] hath discovered our trespass
Imprisoned [missing text] [with/within] the beast

SCP-293-03EX

[TEXT REDACTED]

SCP-293-04EX

The beast speaks [missing text]
[missing text] lands of the gods
Was [Minoan?] mistaken or bearer of false witness
Speaketh does the beast of others

SCP-293-05EX

[TEXT REDACTED]

SCP-293-06EX

[TEXT REDACTED]

SCP-293-07EX
Text is sloppily written as if done in a great hurry. Traces of ██████ genetic material are calcified in the surrounding rock.

It hath discovered mine flaw

SCP-293-08EX

I am free.

SCP Foundation Homesite
Prison image link HERE

Author's Note

If you can spare the coin for this humble bard, feel free to visit my Patreon.

If there's something you've been dying to see me write, go right ahead and check out my commissions page and we can discuss it in full.

SCP-XXXX-J — Gary

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: ~~Eucli~~Edgelord

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is to be housed in a 5,000 sq. foot mansion furnished with whatever it sees fit, as long as it complies with security restrictions. SCP-XXXX has specifically requested the room to be an exact replica of its own residence, as this is the only way for it to not spout about its own superiority and break containment like a smarmy jackass.

All personnel interacting with the subject, including security, are to be female and conventionally attractive. Despite being sexually irresistible to mares, encounters with male staff inevitably end in incursions or them being crushed by their own inadequacy upon meeting the perfect male specimen. Thusly, despite females becoming emotionally compromised, an O5 majority has declared such an outcome is acceptable as long as attacks on staff are discontinued.

No attempts are to be made to restrict SCP-XXXX’s ability to cast magic. The subject is also allowed daily flights in Site-16’s aerial court in order to ensure its compliance. SCP-XXXX’s privaleges are a reward for its perfect behavior and manners, as the subject has shown no hostility towards staff or desire to harm the Foundation outside of testing. The subject is allowed to request additional accommodations to its quarters as long as they do not violate Foundation secrecy and they are passed through Doctor Pushover or O5-01. SCP-XXXX is allowed books, television, and a gaming entertainment systems of its choice during its time in Foundation facilities or during testing.

No further attempts to alter SCP-XXXX’s Foundation designation to a standard numerical designation are to be attempted, as all attempts to do so have failed and a system reset returns it to its current state. SCP-XXXX says it prefers this as it “looks cooler”.

Description: SCP-XXXX is a little fucktard with black and red fur and feathers, a slicked back mane, dark eyes that suggest a mysterious past, and sharp features that define a rather handsome alicorn. Tests have pinpointed its IQ at an impressive 190 despite a seemingly young age and nonchalant nature. Staff, especially females, have described SCP-XXXX as intelligent, charming, possessing a keen wit and sense of sarcasm, and an intense interest in the female sex.

Curiously, SCP-XXXX has been known to irresistible to females despite not emitting any known magical, memetic, or pheromonal triggers. It also possesses a magical aptitude that surpases even trained alicorns. The subject claims it was born this way and has not undergone any formal training to hone its skills. Tests are ongoing, but there are currently no upper bounds to its magical capabilities, and testing to discover such a limit cannot be done without extreme loss of life. SCP-XXXX is adamant it does not wish to know the full extent of its power as it would harm those it cares about.

Get that shit outta here.

SCP-XXXX has a band on each of its legs. The bands are impervious to harm and the subject claims it cannot remove them. When asked when it acquired them, the subject claims it does not know, as it suddenly woke up one day with them and has amnesia about everything that occurred prior to that day. These bands emit a protective magical field that renders it impervious to harm. Typical.

Current stress testing of this defense mechanism has shown SCP-XXXX is resistant to the following:

Fire
Drowning
Radiation
Acid
Hostile magic
Blunt force trauma
Plot Devices
Rewrites
Human weaponry
Disease
Dismemberment
And impossibly, the [DATA EXPUNGED]

SCP-XXXX has vowed to never harm the Foundation, despite being obviously capable of doing so and we should all be thankful it doesn’t change its mind. The subject has volunteered to help the Foundation to capture harmful SCPs, but does not wish to assist in the capture of those that it views as harmless. Requests to give SCP-XXXX agent status are undergoing review.

Addendum: Currently there are no less than thirty six confirmed female staff members, some not even of the pony race, that have expressed romantic interest in SCP-XXXX. A confirmed ██ have offered marriage proposals. Despite such conduct being against Foundation rules, even among other staff, for the sake of preserving Foundation secrecy and ensuring the ongoing compliance of the subject, an exception has been issued with an O5 majority approval. Should SCP-XXXX consent, multiple female staff are allowed to compete for SCP-XXXX’s affections at the same time.

SCP Foundation Homesite

Author's Note

Writing this one physically hurt me.

SCP-69-J — Heartbreaker

Item #: SCP-69-J

Object Class: ~~Sexy~~ Safe

Special Containment Procedures: All pictures of SCP-69-J are to be destroyed due to the decreased productivity via serious wanking. Various safe spaces are to be constructed at all sites and are to include for all males: action figures, foam swords, nerf guns, race car beds, and a sign adorning each room that states “N0 GURL2 AHL0WED”. Should SCP-69-J ever approach a safe space directly, those inside are to lock the door and watch the Power Ponies series on max volume until it goes away.

If encountered outside of a safe space, staff are not to do the following with the subject: seduce, solicit, chat about mutual interests, invite to dinner, have a coffee, or “go to your place for drinks and a chance to talk”. She’s really not that into you, no matter how much you say she is easy on the eyes.

Description: SCP-69-J is a highly dangerous entity that provokes gross bodily changes in male staff, including deepening of the voice, strange body hair, and fondness for the opposite gender, with notable emphasis on SCP-69-J itself. People exposed have stated that SCP-69-J smells nice, has pretty eyes, and has shapely flanks—

Doctor Locklear has been placed in quarantine due to exposure to pictures of SCP-69-J.

Most recent picture of SCP-69-J before she casts her Gandalf spells.

If you see anyone calling her cute, please report them for reeducation and mandatory cootie shots.

SCP Foundation Homesite

Author's Note

April Fools to all, and to all a good night.