Let's Get dat Erection!
Twilight Needs an Erection
Today was just another day for Princess Celestia. She had woken up, rose the sun, yelled at Luna to put down the moon before it starts fighting the sun, ate some griffon eggs, listened to the boring groveling of her loyal subjects, played some Equestria Hold-em with the royal guards, and now it was just about time for her to lower the sun and shout at Luna to put up the moon before ponies start a riot. The majestic ruler trotted to the closest window and focused on the sun descending for the night. The lighted halls of the palace warded off the shadows that crept in through the windows. Waiting only a couple seconds before heading off to her sister's room to do her scheduled yelling, Celestia sighed and made her way for Luna's room. The echoing silence of the castle was disturbed however, by a small cloud of glittering smoke that flew through the air and towards the princess. In a brief poof, the smog transformed into a scrolled letter and unraveled itself right before Celestia. Ah, yes. Another letter from Twilight. Her tales of friendship and valuable lessons always seem to brighten my day, and I control the sun for my sake. The princess started to read the letter. After just a few sentences though, her interests were peaked beyond any other times she had read one of Twilight's letters.
Dear Princess Celestia,
I don't know what to do right now. I don't know who else to turn to. I've had this problem ever since last night. I mean, I've experienced this before, but I was able to fix it easily the other times, it just took a very special pony. But now, I don't have that option anymore. I'd rather not tell my friends because its a bit embarrassing. I need an erection. Please, I'm asking you as your most faithful student, just help me out as soon as you can. I can't bear to be like this any longer and I'm not sure if I can hide it anymore. It would only be this one time and it will never happen again!
-Twilight Sparkle
Celestia, wings as hard as Discord, gazed around to ensure that no pony was watching her. The guards would remain outside her room at most times, but there were occasions when somepony would stroll right in. Celestia forced her wings down by her sides and nonchalantly left her room, informing the guards that she would be visiting her student for the night.
Before leaving, Celestia paid a visit to her secret room. The door to this room was magically locked by Celestia and could only be opened by her. No pony knew what was in there, but some believe it to contain the elements of harmony. Others rumor that it is the magic that allows for Luna and her to move the Earth's orbiting objects. As Celestia exited her secret room with a loaded saddlebag, her sister nearly caught a glimpse of the room's inside, but was swiftly thwarted by Celestia.
"Luna, I will be visiting Twilight Sparkle for the rest of the night. I won't be needing any of the guards to escort me, but do please take care of the palace and Philomena in my absence."
Upon hearing the sudden news from her older sister, Luna beamed and begged, "Oh sister, may I come too!? I always love to visit Twilight with you! Everything you do with her is just so much fun!"
Luna's request stuck a naughty, well more naughty, thought in Celestia's mind. At first, Celestia was intrigued at the idea, but shook it off. She wanted Twilight alone the first time. Following a small chuckle, Celestia advised, "Luna, dear, you must stay hear to watch over everything. Maybe another time."
Luna, peeved at her rejection, promptly retorted, "But we leave the castle alone all the time and nothing ever happens!"
Seeing that Luna would not let the subject go, Celestia remembered something. "Luna, why the buck isn't that myself-damned moon in the bucking sky yet!"
"OH SHIT!" Luna galloped off to tend to her duties, allowing for Princess Celestia to depart alone.
~~~~~
Princess Celestia gracefully landed on the doorstep of the Ponyville library. She examined the town to assure that no ponies were taking a midnight stroll. The coast was clear. Celestia was just about to knock on the front door when she noticed that Spike was fast asleep on a small cushion in the center of the library. The princess noticed a small light emitting through a set of french doors on the second floor of the tree. Celestia soared up to a small deck that led into Twilight's bedroom. Through the glass doors, Celestia saw that a petite candle was lit on a nightstand. The rest of the room remained in the dark. Celestia tapped the door softly enough not to wake up Spike downstairs, but loud enough to get Twilight's attention. A moment passed before Celestia witnessed a faint figure moving about. A light switch flipped on by Twilight, caused Celestia to flinch from the sudden change in brightness. Twilight, who held a blanket over her entire body save her face, unlocked the pair of doors and greeted her mentor.
"Thank you so much for coming Princess. You don't know what I've been going through."
"Oh I think I might have an idea," Celestia giggled mischievously to herself. Celestia moved over to Twilight's bed, set down her saddlebag, and instructed, "Now why don't you come over here my dear, and show me your..." Celestia licked her lips on this last word. "Problem."
"Um... Yes Princess." Twilight shuffled to the side of her bed and looked down at the floorboards.
"What's wrong my little pony?"
"It's just that... It's really embarrassing."
"Come now Twilight. This is nothing to be ashamed of. Now let me just take a look."
"Alright." Celestia waited for her student to take a certain kind of pose, but was surprised when Twilight uncovered herself from the blanket, revealing her horn to be as flaccid as a wet noodle, terribly swollen, and riddled with blue dots.
Celestia gawked at the horrific sight, unable to look away due to pure shock. "Uh, Twilight. What is this?"
"My horn. I thought that's why you came over here?"
Not wanting Twilight to learn the perverted truth, Celestia forged a facade. "Of course it is. I just meant... How did this happen exactly?"
"I accidentally walked through some poison yoke plant. This happened once before, but Zecora had the antidote. Zecora left for the weekend though to go visit her family in Trottingham, so I couldn't fix it. It's just been getting worse which is why I didn't want to show anypony."
Putting the pieces together in her mind corresponding with the letter, Celestia realized the disturbing truth. "So when you wrote that you need an erection, you meant an erection of your..."
"Horn. Precisely. You look upset Princess. Did you think I meant something else when I said erection?"
Now tomato-cheeked and flustered, Celestia started to cover her tracks. "No! Absolutely not! What else could you have meant by an..." The alicorn cleared her throat before finishing her sentence with, "Erection?"
"So how are you going to fix me? Do I need to be on the bed too?"
"No! NO! No." Celestia hurriedly bounced off the bed. "Um... I will use my magic to heal you," Celestia reassured, knowing that she could preform a simple healing spell.
Twilight, inspecting the contents of Celestia's bag from across the room, asked, "What are those things in your bag for?"
Princess Celestia dove for her bag and sealed it up tight so that nothing inside could be seen. "No no no no no no no no! Ha ha, we won't be using any of that."
"So then why did you bring all those cucumbers?"
"Cucumbers, yes. I brought those for a, um, midnight snack." Twilight gazed at her in disbelief. "I get hungry working all day."
"Well its good that you're eating all those cucumbers, but, not to offend you princess, all those jars of dressing you have aren't good for you."
"Can we please just get on with fixing you!?"
~~~~~
Now that I've put the moon up, what should I do? Luna wandered aimlessly down the halls of the castle, bored out of her mind. Most of the guards on the night shift have moved down to the first floor. Maybe I should go have the fun with them? While making her way to the stairwell, Luna's attention was stolen away by a certain door that locked away a certain room. Luna had been curious to what was behind that door for some time now. She tried to open it before, but the magical keyhole only unlocks with Celestia's magic. Well if she couldn't open the door, she could at least take a peek inside. Luna leaned her head by the door and closed one eye. With her open eye, Luna finally peered into her older sister's secret room! Well what's so secret about this room?There's nothing se... Is that Pipsqueak? And why is he blindfolded and eating and apple? Ah, these must be more of the funs that I learned about! Celestia never wants me to have a good time! Disheartened by her foolish assumption, Luna sprinted off to her room to cry herself to sleep.
