Snatching Defeat from the Jaws of Victory

by Exodus45

Rating: mature
Tags: Main 6, Princess Luna, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Romance, Adventure, Derpy Hooves, Sex, Tragedy, Random, Princess Celestia, Crossover
Length: 2768

Every once and a while a challenge comes along that stresses the bonds of loyalty, of friendship... of love. The best story you will ever read.

Celestia, the Princess, ruled the nation with an iron hoof. Under the new emblem of the double sun, liberty was banished, free speech was suppressed and only the voice of Celestia was heard.

Published 2013-10-03 23:40:07 UTC
Last updated 2013-10-22 22:21:44 UTC

Prologue Pt. 1

It was a balmy summer Saturday which many of the ponies in Ponyville were eagerly taking advantage of. Rainbows cascaded through the perfect blue sky despite the lack of rain. Daisies that grew beside the pathways spread their petals around their beaming smiling faces like rays of the purest white light. The foals gathered in a grassy field on the outskirts of town. With their bippin' and boppin' they had obviously forgotten the true meaning of jazz music; never the less they continued to enjoy themselves.

Not every pony was out enjoying the day. On those Saturdays when foals would go out in play, Twilight was up in her room reading books where she lay. She used her telekinesis to open the large double latched book swinging the cover open with a CLICK, CLICK, BOOM. This was a special book that was only available to adults and shut-in librarians. The book was titled “Fifty shades of lightly colored black”. It was a fitting title matching the bland characters, the bland settings, and the bland sex they all seemed to enjoy so much. It was the sort of book that Twilight could really sink her teeth into.

She had dispatched her dragon roommate on a nearly impossible list of chores making sure that she would be alone all afternoon. Twilight had promised Spike a manly mustache made of the finest white hair grown in the private regions of a certain special somepony; but she would not make good on her end of the deal. She never had and today did not seem like a good day to start. Instead, she wrote at the very bottom of the list, “I need feminism because I am a pussy wiped beta male”. She knew he would read it aloud because his brain was too small for an internal monologue.

There was a long silver toy in her bed side table next to her autographed copy of “Daring Do and The Mysterious Hotdog in the Hallway”. The cover was illustrated in the common jungle theme. Daring Do was in the middle surrounded by vines and bushes that covered her rear as she bent down with her front legs to listen to the ground with a bored unsatisfied look on her face. It was a real bed soaker. Twilight had applied many layers of iridescent film on her silver toy to that book.

The toy was a gift from Princes Celestia that was given to her during a magical slumber party. The princess told her it was a scroll case but it's obvious phallic shape made it useful for other things. Besides who would want to keep scrolls in a giant metal penis anyway. On top of that, Twilight didn't really care what the device's intended purpose was. She was a strong and independent woman; ain't no man gunna tell her what she can and can't shove into her vagina.

She retrieved the silver toy clumsily knocking it against the edge of the bedside table. Flakes of film came off of the toy and landed in a steadily growing pile of loneliness at the bottom of the drawer. She placed the toy next to the book and flipped the well thumbed pages to where her book mark lay.

Twilight began reading aloud for her brain was not much larger than Spike's, “Chapter 5: 20% more back or white than the last chapter (I forgot which way we were going)

There was a guy walking down the street. He was kind of bland. He wore a tie and a coat and some pants. He worked a desk job at some sort of business pushing papers and crunching numbers. I mean to describe how bland this guy was with out using the name Nicolas Cage would be almost impossible.”

Twilight's face became flushed and hot as illicit images of a naked Nick Cage ran untamed through her mind. She levitated the silver toy over to her mouth and caressed the rounded end with her toung. The wet film moistened into a tacky syrup filling the room with wondrous rare scents found in only two places through out the world; her bedroom and whaling ships.

She redirected her attention to the book. Knowing that the action will becoming a bit later on in the chapter, she skipped a few of the paragraphs and continued reading, “And there was some problems with the cake. Nickolas Cage had told what's her name that he wasn't feeling well after the rotisserie chicken he ate and wanted to save the cake for later. Whats her face asked if he wanted it. He said he did. Some sort of fight broke out.

Is anyone even reading this anymore. I remember when books...”

Twilight had stopped reading. She had all the imagery she would need for playing. Rolling onto her back she spread her wings to help keep her stationary. Gently she rubbed the moistened tip on the sides of her neck. Sliding it down her chest in a zigzag pattern she opened her hind legs unleashing another fleet of whaling ships into the room.

She turned her head side to side as her mood intensified. As the toy made it's way to her belly she said, “Oh, Nicolas Cage! You want some of my cake?”

“I want it.” the voice of Nicolas Cage entered her mind.

“MmmmMMMmm. Just stick the tip in and see if it the cake is ready”, Twilight said to Nicolas Cage.

She circled her hardened clit with the toy sending shivers down her spine. Slowly she spread the lips as the toy found it's home in her most sensitive virgin area. With a deep strong thrust Nicolas Cage pushed himself all the way into her. Twilight was not as wet as she had thought and what little moisture there was quickly mixed with the iridescent film on the toy creating the sticky syrup. The toy stuck to the walls of her vagina, rubbing, pulling, stretching and tearing as it went all the way to the back.

“Nicolas Cage!”, Twilight shouted at him slightly abashed by his forceful methods, “You always do this to me. You need to start off slower. That is why I can't trust men.”

“I WANT THAT CAKE!”, Nicolas Cage shouted back at her and thrust again.

They made passionate love. Nicolas Cage's hard pushes shoved his manhood deep inside her. Every time his penis would slam home against her insides a sound of rattling scrolls in the case poured from between her legs. Twilight, now lubricating herself with a mixture of blood and love juice, pushed her hips up as he trust in.

Feeling his climax come on, Twilight tilted her head over and bit her pillow. Her over played moans were muffled by the bedding as she faked her orgasm. Men had never satisfied her and it was no surprise that Nicolas Cage was no different. The thrusting had stopped indicating that he was done with her and was probably off to go brag about it.

“The things I do for you men”, Twilight said shaking her head.

Returning the toy to it's rightful place she shut the book and re-latched the cover. She took a moment to reflect on the book and what she had read. It was one of her favorite chapters and she had lost count of how many times she had read it. Every time was like the first time.

She placed the book back on the top shelf of the “ADULTS ONLY” section. Laying a single hoof on the spine of the book she looked down and closed her eyes to remember the dream that was Nicolas Cage one last time.

With a deep sigh she said, “Nicolas Cage, where ever you are, I would give you my virginity.”

Just then the green and purple dragon busted through the front door. His stubby inferior arms were filled with only some of the things Twilight had told him to buy for her. Judging from how much he was panting it would seem like he came from a long ways away; but Twilight knew him for the man he was and assumed that he was only across the road from the library.

“Twilight! I got an urgent scroll from...”, Spike trailed off sniffing the air with a puzzled look on his face, “Twilight, have you been fishing in here?”

“Oh no Spike! I just had a man over is all. He wasn't very clean”, Twilight said chuckling.

Spike looked at her with a doubtful expression, “Anyway... I have an urgent scroll from the Princess. We need to go to Canterlot now!”

“Great! I'll grab my stuff”, Twilight said excitedly.

“There is no time! Your scroll case is enough”, He said toning his voice down to a mumble, “You never know when you will bump into Nicolas Cage.”

Prologue Pt. 2

In an almost desolate part of town a gray pony was tying a long braided rope from the rafters of her house. The bottom of the rope hung halfway between the floor and the rafters above and a noose was dangling at the end. The gray pony was having trouble tying the rope to the rafters. Her vision condition made it hard to feed the end of the rope through the loops to secure the knot.

In frustration she threw the rope on the ground while tears welled up in her eyes. The floor was a mess with bills and eviction notices scattered in random patterns, aimlessly thrown across the room. She sat on the floor surrounded by the mess and grabbed two of the items that were close to her. One was a picture of her daughter, Dinky. Her yellow mane was brushed by the wind as she happily played in a grassy field. Tear drops beaded on the photo paper and rolled off.

The other was a pink slip notifying her that her employment with the postal service had been terminated. After five years of dedication, showing up early and staying late, they took her job from her with out as little as a thank you. Just a cold hard pink piece of paper in her work mail box was all her dedication had added up to.

The frustration gave her a new found determination to hang the rope. She flew the end of the rope back up to the rafters. She already had trouble seeing but the tears washing over her eyes made it even more difficult. She had made the loops larger this time to compensate for her troubles. The knot was finally made, messy and poorly formed. The gray pony thought it a fitting look to tie up the rest of her troubles.

She slipped her head through the noose at the bottom of the rope and flew back up to the rafters. With a quick tug she made sure the rope was tight around her neck. Wiping the tears from her eyes with the back of her hooves she looked down at the floor and saw the picture of Dinky again.

She remembered that one time Dinky came home in tears. Some of the other foals were making fun of her for having a retarded mom. “They say such mean things! I think you are perfect, mom”, Dinky had sobbed.

A wavering smile appeared on the gray pony's mouth edged by a fresh wave of tears. “Maybe they're right”, she whispered. Slowly stopping her wings, she fell to the end of the rope.

Meanwhile down the road at Sweat Apple Acres, the Cutie Mark Crusaders were practicing their newest skit for the upcoming talent show. They had decided to do another song and dance routine but this year they were going to try and do something a little edgy.

“No Scootaloo! You got it all wrong”, Sweety Bell shouted, “It goes like: See we could just quit and be chump motherfuckers, but we'd rather reload and just dump motherfuckers”

“Man, its a good thing that motherfuckers rimes with motherfuckers; other wise this rap shit might be hard”, Scootaloo said scratching her head.

Twilight and her group of friends came bounding down the road towards the three fillies. The party was nearly formed with the exception of the yellow pony known as Applejack. The three members of the great crusade stopped their activities to address the caravan.

Nicolas Cage was hanging out of Twilight's saddlebag. The luminescent film splayed a rainbow of colors as the sun reflected from its chrome exterior. She stopped and turned broad side to the three fillies. With a dramatic flick of her head she looked at the fillies, “Yo, AB dawg, where yo sisa at.”

“She said she didn't want to talk to you anymore”, Applebloom replied ignoring Twilight's attempt to be dope.

“Pssssht, bitch please! She be trippin!”

“No, I think she is serious this time. After you told her she was a boring friend because incest didn't excite you anymore she pretty much locked herself in her room.”

“Y'all makin' fun of that pony's retarded mama again”, a voice belted over from the back side of the hill. It's southern draw as sweet as saccharin and about as real. “Now Ah done told ya to...”

The golden orange pony stopped in her tracks much like her words. The green monster of jealousy made her blood boil as she looked at Twilight with Nicolas Cage. Seeing Nicolas Cage dangling carelessly out of the saddle bag brought a wave of emotions over her. Only poets could justly speak of the love they had for each other and the passion they shared. Applejack knew a love such as theirs could only exist in fairy tales and she felt that he knew it too. Toward the end of their relationship Nicolas Cage had grown cold and rigid and the love they made was more out of routine rather than passion. Having reached the inevitable conclusion of their relationship, she said her good-byes and left him standing on the train station platform in Canterlot.

Seeing him again raised her passion. Lusting after thoughts of feeling him touch her most intimate parts and the way he knew just the right angles to stretch her in ways that no man ever could, her face flushed and her crotch moistened. She knew it was wrong to yearn for a love lost so long ago but her heart ached for one more passionate night. One night to play like innocent foals exploring love for the first time. One night to melt away the pain of the years spent cold and alone crying with a shattered heart for his embrace. One night to say she was sorry.

“... wait for me”, Applejack finished in a soft lofty tone.

“Applejack! Get your stuff, we have to save Canterlot... again”, Twilight said dropping the dope act. She knew that she was already too cool for Applejack and proving it just seemed redundant.

“Now wait just a minute there curly pube”, Applejack smirked as her new rendition of 'sugar cube' rolled nicely off her tongue. “I recon you owe me an apology first!”

“I am sorry you're boring. Now com'on we don't have any time to lose”, Twilight turned away enhancing the sting of her backhanded apology.

“No! You said that you didn't approve of Big Macintosh not tongue punching my fart box when he went down on me”, Applejack spat with rage, “Now ar love might be boring to y'all, but you DO NOT get to come in to ar house as a guest with you scowl of disapproval and judge us on ar abilities.”

Applejack was boring. She always had been and always will be boring. The sound of her pathetic attempt of a southern accent was like knives being stabbed right into Twilight's nipples and twisted so the holes widened and layers of skin were scraped off along the edge of the blade. She had had enough of talking to Applejack.

With out a second thought Twilight used the reformation on Applejack that she had learned during her last encounter with Discord. The spell was designed by Princess Celestia to subjugate the working class to maintain the empire with out desire of compensation. It basically removed the desire to live and replaced it with the desire to work. Princess Celestia, the kind and caring ruler of Equestria. Or so the ponies thought. No pony thought otherwise.

With a sudden change of attitude Applejack smiled and said, “Ah'll be right witc ya.”

Author's Note

Almost forgot a few paragraphs from the story.