The Eccedentesiast

Every day...every day, I have to force myself to be who I'm known as. I have to put a smile on my face. I have to seem happy. I have to. But that's not who I really am.  Nopony wants to know who I really am. Unless they want to be scarred, like me.

On the outside, everypony knows what I'm like. I'm happy, bouncy, random Pinkie Pie. On the inside, though, all I am is a dam of tears and the rage that could fill Tartarus with some to spare. All the pain I've felt, all the crippling sadness. Every bit of emotion that was the opposite of how I'm known. All of it is building up.

I know that ponies will "bottle up" their emotions sometimes, but not me. I ran out of bottles. I had to build a dam. And cover that dam with a mountain. But even that is not enough for my sadness and pain. They manage to break through. They always do.

You know how they say nothing lasts forever? They're wrong. Sadness lasts forever. Sadness is a horrid thing that you can't rid yourself of. Sadness, for some, is the reason to live. They say that any sadness will be changed to something better. But it's pretty apparent that that's a lie. Sadness will never be anything but.

Life is horrid. The world is an unforgiving place. Some of us know that, but there are some who are too stubborn to admit it. They all just say, "Enjoy the ride. It'll end soon enough." It'll never end. Why they don't understand that, I have no idea. Either way, I despise those ponies. I just can't show it. It's against my apparent nature.

I hate having to seem like I care. I don't care for the Cakes. I don't care for Twilight. I don't care for Rainbow Dash. I don't care for Princess Celestia. I utterly hate them all. They just think that I like them. Well, let them have their delusions. They'll need them for a long time.

I'm personally amazed at the fact that I'm not insane yet. I mean, I know that I am, but it's not to a dangerous point. I'm astounded at the idea that I haven't committed a murder yet. The suicide contemplation came and went, but...

Speaking of which, they made a comeback. A knife is usually involved. Sometimes, a noose, or Granny's pistol would come up. But the knife was the cleanest, while still having a message. I'm tired of this "clean" world."