Sydney's Rangers

As I whistled and singed a jaunty tune, the sun burning above me like it was trying to set me and this bloody wasteland on fire, I couldn't help but admire the scenery though. Unlike the radioactive, blood stained, lunatic and fun filled wastelands of Post-collapse Australia, this placed seemed 'normal'. Large stone mesas and sand dunes as far as the eye could see, a fluffy cloud filled sapphire sky, random tumble weeds blowing by in a cool wind, the sound of birds squawking in the distance and the soft red dirt trail felt well traveled under my black boots. All in all, if it weren't for the burning sun causing me to sweat more then a Plain Walker, I'd call this pleasant...Which bothered me. This all felt too safe, like I was being tricked into a sense of safety.

"Okay...Where's the bandit conveys or Infected hordes? I've been walking for, what, half a day? I should be shooting something by now..." I asked myself as I kept walking, slightly pissed that I couldn't vent my pissed off-ness. Obviously, the Blues had somehow planned this.

"Separating us by...Using a radioactive storm was clever, but it takes more then massive radiation poisoning and hurricane-like winds to kill Flare! I'm un-fucking-stoppable!" I declared with an almost insane smile and voice to the empty landscape, the only response being a lone tumble weed rolling by on it's own little quest, going who knows where. Despite the off putting calmness and my confidence, the quiet was still freaking me out. With nothing else to do, I kept walking. The afternoon light faded to an evening glow surprisingly fast, the clouds and mountains offering decent shade for my exhausted, bed needing body. As I slowly walked towards the top of the hill I saw a bunch of...Things lying in the dirt. Approaching them cautiously with my grenade launcher ready to rain fire, I examined the things left rotting on the dirt road.

They were...Massive, furry, bloody and looked like big cows. All of them probably stood around six or seven feet tall when they weren't feeding the worms, they all had horns pointed in different ways, in varying states of messed up and looked sharp enough to stab someone. Their heads were covered with different shades of hair in different weird, kinda tribal ways and all of their once useful bodies were protected with crappy leather armour painted with shitty red and blue lines in messed up patterns. They looked armed with a bunch of weird clubs and axes, if their scattered, broken and old looking sticks were anything to go by. Along with the clear signs of death like decomposing flesh, maggots and a lack of breathing, they all had various wounds in their bodies, mostly in the head.

"What the flying fuck are these things?" I muttered to myself as I nudged one of them with the barrel of my gun. "A new type of infected?...Has to be, no way anything likethis existed before the bombs dropped." I continued, quickly cheeking them for anything useful. They kinda looked like Minotaurs from those shitty, old books Pat reads.

"Empty canteens, pieces of gold fucking A, some crappy binoculars which look busted, some creepy bone idols-aha! A map!" I cried softly with a smile as I looted the only useful things I could find. The map was written on some old dusty paper and the landmarks were nothing like anything I'd ever seen but it was a start... A terrible one.

"Okay...If I'm reading this right then there should be a town right over this here hill...Probs filled with the people that killed you freaks huh?" I estimated then questioned the corpse with a smirk. Cautiously, I walked up to the tip of the hill and looked around. To the north, about thirty minutes away if he walked, was a large, barricaded old town that looked like it came stirght from the Wild West. The town was a mix of weirdly pastel colours, crappy wooden buildings. A long and probably badly built barricade surrounded the village. circling the quaint looking town in the middle of scenic nowhere were scotch marks, bodies and other gross shit. It didn't take a genius to figure out that something was up, and if the fortified town and fucked up dead things weren't enough, some prick tried to shoot me with a rifle, the only warning I had was something moving behind a small hill and a flash of light reflecting off of glass. Thinking quickly, I dived behind a rock to my left as a bullet soared near me. The loud bang rang out for miles and I knew he knew where I was.

"Fucking snipers, always cowards hiding where I can't throttle them..." I muttered with hate as I opened my gun and removed the frag round inside, replacing it with a smoke grenade and getting ready to run. The cover between me and the rocks surrounding me were pretty scarce and if I wanted to circle around this asshat I'd have to run while he can't see me, or get filled with more lead then a pencil. As I waited for him to stop firing, I rested my coat covered back against the heated rock and hoped he didn't have a grenade and a good throwing arm.

"Come on...Come on...Choke on this you fuck!" I said to myself before firing a grenade, hitting it's mark halfway to his position, making it impossible for him or her to see me. Like a bat outta hell, I ran for the next set of rocks and kept going while I could hear the gunman cursing loudly. The ground was slightly uneven, causing me to almost trip over the small rocks, debris and some ugly looking rat thing but I was able to get behind a rock, directly to the left of the prick's cover. From here I could clearly hear the fucker.

"Come on...Where'd that varmint go? Aw shucks, this ain't good." I heard a REALLY Southern sounding guy say. Grabbing my desert eagle, as I wasn't crazy enough to use a 'nade launcher right in his face, I slowly crept up on the guy while making sure I didn't step on anything. I could slightly see the barrel of a rifle sticking out on one side of the rocks through a crack barely big enough for someone to fit their arm through, and if the shakiness was anything to go by then this guy either was shitting himself scared or had no idea how to handle a gun. As I went around the otherside, thankful that there wasn't any large rocks or things to trip me up or leaves for me to step on, I noticed...A big, yellow two toned tail...

'Please let it be some dumbshit furry taping stuff on his ass and not some new mutant, I can't handle two in one day...' I silently prayed as I turned around the corner and looked at my would be assassin...He was a fucking horse.

On the ground, handling a rifle awkwardly, was a yellow, stetson wearing horse with a picture of an apple tattooed on its ass. It was yellow with a slightly darker shade on his tail, wore an ugly brown stetson hat like mine but not cool, a weird horse jacket, some metal plates on his...Legs, chest and back? I knew nothing about horse anatomy since it was useless now that most of them were fucked up thanks to all the shit in the world. All in all, this Southern horse, with a picture of an ass on its butt, wearing a hat, jacket and metal plating protection and using what looked like a god damn M40 rifle was probably the fifth weirdest thing I'd seen...How the fuck does a horse use a rifle?!

Stopping myself from having a brain hemorrhage from the sheer lack of sense anything made but reasoning it away as drugs or psychological warfare, I raised my pistol and pointed it at the back of his head.

"Alright prick, turn around. Slowly." I ordered, causing him to jolt and let out a small 'ep'. Without moving his body, he looked back at me, fear in his green, anime like eyes and turned around. As he did so I kicked the rifle away from him and starred him down while he raised his...Hooves in the universal sign of surrender. Strapped to his right hoof was what looked like a prosthetic finger carved out of wood and strapped on with a leather band or something.

"Well...You don't look like no Minotaur..." He said simply with a small chuckle.

'Great, the horse speaks.' I thought to myself, trying very hard not to freak out. "Okay Mister Ed, you're gonna answer a few questions of mine and then I'll decide what to do with you, deal?" I asked, never taking my eyes off him.

"Doesn't sound like I got much choice partner."

"No, you don't." I replied simply as he huffed and nodded.

"One: Where am I?" I asked, causing him to look at me with a raised eyebrow and confused expression.

"Equestria, more specifically beautiful appaloosa Sir." He said clearly.

"Two:Who are you and why were you shooting at me?" I asked.

"Well, my name's Braeburn and I thought you were a Minotaur, sorry about that by the by." He said, with a small grin as he apologized.

"Quick tip to staying alive bud, DON'T fucking shot at me. Third:What the hell are those dead cow things?" I asked, he seemed flabbergasted again.

"Well, if you were walking from the South then you must have seen those dead fellas over yonder hill. Those are Minotaurs. Their the meanest bunch of bullies to ever come from the West. Taller then an Alicorn, beefier then a Cow and dumber then a rock." He said, hate clearly flowing through his weird Southern accent.

"Fourth:What are you and why are you speaking?"

"...I'm an Earth pony of Equestria, we all talk." He said like it was the most well known thing in the world and that I was as dumb as shit.

"Fucking wonderful...Fifth:Why are you killing these Minotuars?"

"Well...About a month or so ago these mean mother hubbers strolled into town, full of piss and vinegar and drunker then the town idiot, claiming that in exchange for not killing us we should do their band of hooligans the honour of handing over our little town and farm. Needless to say, things didn't work out for them. We've been hunkered down waiting for help for awhile now but we can't use the train or send someone out when they've got us surrounded. Honestly, if you're not one of them then I'm shocked you got here alive."

"I'm tough to kill, just ask General Green...So...These assholes walked up to you guys and demeaned everything or your lifes? That'd be a pretty normal thing where I come from." I said nonchalantly as he seemed bothered by that fact.

"And what do you fellas do with bullies?" He asked curiously.

"Gun then down, beat them senseless and run them out. If I had a bullet for every bandit I've killed I'd be a very rich man." I said to him then to myself, causing him to look at me weirdly, not getting my saying.

"So, ah, anything else Mister? The suns kinda scorching." He said as he slowly wiped some sweat of his forehead.

"...What's the reward if I help you guys out?" I asked with no malice or kindness in my voice, lowering my gun slightly.

"...Wait, what?" He stammered with confusion.

"Well, where I'm from it's generally seen as not assholeish to help out towns being raided for a fitting reward, plus it's fun to kill a dick who deserves it. 'Sides, I don't feel like sleeping out in the desert and I could use a drink of your finest water." I informed him with a small smirk as he had a hopeful look in his eyes.

"Y-you'd be willing to help us even after I tried to kill ya?" He asked, causing me to laugh loudly.

"Boy, getting shot at is the Australian hello. You wanna know how many of my friends have tried to shot me? Like, all of them. Once I woke up with a landmine in my bed." I told him with a smile on my tanned face.

"...You're a strange man Mister...Well, if you wanna help out then I guess we could give ya some bits, food, water, a place to rest your head and we'd put a good word in with the Princesses when all this mess blows over. All in all, a pretty good deal if I do say so myself." He listed off, the rewards sounding pretty good by Wastelander standards.

"...One more thing, why do the Minotaurs want the town?" I asked, wanting to make sure I wasn't fighting for the wrong side again.

"Their barbarians and raiders Sir, they just want our town because it seems interesting to them. Minotaurs aren't known for rationality or good reasons. 'Sides, this land is owned by us and the Buffaloes, they got no claim or right to take it." He said with a hint of hate and pissed off that wouldn't have looked out of place in a Ranger's voice.

'Good, their just evil bastards, it's fun killing people who deserve it.' I thought as I lowered my pistol and held out a hand to him. "Deal, the fact I get to kill raiders is just the cherry on top. You've got yourself a temporary, irritated friend Braeburn." I said with a smile.

"You have no idea how happy I am to hear those words...Well, not the whole irritated part but most if it. Again, sorry for the whole trying to kill ya thing, it's been awhile since I've met someone nice or had some proper rest. Hey, what's your name by the way? Don't thing I caught it before." He said with an annoyingly huge grin. True to his words, he looked like he hadn't slept since the bombs dropped. Bags under his weeaboo eyes, dirt in his...fur, scratches and small cuts all over his exhausted pony body and he seemed to sway slightly. I bet I could push him over like a Radi-cow if I wanted to.

"Just call me Flare, everyone else does." I asked him, half-lying, as he took my hand and picked himself up. I still find it fucking freaky how his legs can bend like that. If it weren't for the fact that I was in hostile territory in an unknown country full of Japanese horses with no lay of the land and was right next door to a town in need of a hero, I probably wouldn't have helped him, but he seemed like an honest guy and anyone who can rock a stetson can't be all bad. As he got up he removed the weird wooden finger thing-a-ma-jig and placed it in a pouch on his dusty jacket before he picked up his old rifle and put it on his back with the aid of a bandoleer.

"Well Flare, welcome to appaloosa, home of the world famous apple brandy and the first apple and cinnamon pie. Wish you could see it during better times though." He said like a tired tour guide, slightly shouting the name of the town.

"Thanks, let's go. I really need a drink of something."

"Flare...Interesting name partner, You from Equestria?" He asked, unsure of his own question as he walked in front of me towards the town. Seriously, how is he walking and talking? Despite agreeing to help these Horse people fend off some man-cow hybrids, I still kept my pistol ready and my 'nade launcher loaded. It's not like you can just trust people to keep their word anymore. The last horse I trusted shot me in the leg twice.

"Nope, Australia." I answered simply as we walked towards the town. The road was littered with signs of carnage and splashes of dried blood, a few bodies from both sides also rested in the plains, slowly gathering dust and maggots.

"Huh, woulda thought with that name you'd be some kinda pyromancer or something. Still, guess it was a stretch to think you were an Equestrian, what with the fact that you're easily taller then most of us...Gotta say you wear some odd clothes partner." He said as he looked at my trench coat, hat, gas mask around my neck, boots and pants. What's odd about them? They're god damn awesome! He might have been able to see my bullet proof vest under my shirts collar but I doubt it.

"Well, I'm more of a pyromaniac but the name still fits. And yeah, my wardrobe ain't the most normal but it's helped keep me alive while lookin' bitching. I think you're the first mutant I've seen that wears clothes, talks and can use guns..." I said aloud, causing him to look at me with a hurt look.

"Mutant?"

"Well, yeah. Last I checked horses don't talk, run towns or wear jackets and plated armour." I said while he gave me a dumb look, dumber then a normal horse look.

"Um, Mister I'm a pony, not a Horse...Whatever those are. It's perfectly normal for me to be wearing clothes, ain't weird or nothin'. Are you sure you've even seen a Pony before? Because I can't say I've heard of any place called 'Austrhaylia' before." He said while giving me a peculiar look and a somewhat condescending smile...Did he make a bloody horse pun?

"I've seen all kinda crazy shit in my time Burnie, but I've never met a talking pony who uses rifles. I've met a horse that had a pistol, that was a fun day. I've seen ponies, most of then before the bombs fell, and you don't look like or sound like any I've met...I also met a talking monkey but that's different, he had opposable thumbs and was probably smarter...So how long you been living here?" I asked him, trying to figure out just how soon after everything went to shit these cute bastards showed up. I was still willing to believe these guys were from some other continent like Africa and were living in the desert. I mean, we've only explored what's left of South Africa, lota room for weird horse monsters that could talk.

"'Bout twenty odd years. Families lived in these parts for generations!" He boosted proudly...Okay, If he says he's lived here for more then five years at most then he's a fucking liar. Even with all the radiation, viruses, prototypes and hybrid creatures it's still a stretch to believe that a group like this could have evolved, formed a society and learnt English in five years. To have remained undetected for so long means they either live in the middle of nowhere or a radioactive zone, which they probably don't since I'm still kicking and still have only ten fingers. Nothing about any of this seems to add up and it was slowly pissing me off.

"You don't say...You said this place is call 'Equestria'? What's it like?" I asked, trying to get more info out of him in a friendly way.

"Well, us Earth Ponies have co-existed with the other Pony races, the Unicorns and Pegasi, for as long as most ponies can remember. We're run by Princess Celestia and Luna, they're nice and awful pretty too, though I heard my cousin's friend might be a princess now, huh, who'd a thought I'd know royalty? Um, back on topic, there's also nobles but none of them are fit to run a country if I do say so myself. We're in between the Griffon Kingdom to the West past the Mourning Sea, the Changelings and Minotaurs to the South and the Zebras across the Ocean to the East. I think there's an Empire to the North, can't remember what it's call though. Anyway, we're a pretty peaceful country, all you gotta worry about are the occasional invaders like these fellas. We've all lived a pretty mellow life and aside from a few problems this little slice o' haven has been here for a few millenniums or something..So, what's 'Australia' like?" He informed me with a focused look, like he was remembering stuff from his childhood. So...Not only are there talking ponies, but mythological ones, talking Zebras, Griffons and whatever the hell a Changeling is...Jesus fuck, did he say Millenniums? What the hell have I gotten into?

"Um...Well, Australia is...Dead is probably the most apt word to use." I said simply, still trying to wrap my head around everything he just said.

"What do ya mean 'dead'?" He asked, giving me a questioning look as I breathed in and go ready to fill him in.

"Australia was a pretty decent place. We were multicultural, isolated by oceans all around us, had some pretty boss animals and our beaches were the shit. Aside form a few fucking annoying politicians and dumb as bricks bogans we were a happy bunch a losers...Then the world went to hell in a hand basket and the bombs dropped. About ten years ago 'the world ended'" I said with air quotes at the end. He seemed a bit put off by my liberal swearing and didn't know what a bogan was but sure as hell knew what I meant by the end of the world. "The bombs leveled cities, the radiation uglyed up everything and some viruses broke out that brought the dead back to life and mutated anything it infected...The first few months looked like hell on Earth...Then everything went silent. No one knew what was happening overseas and all our cities were either nuked or overrun with the dead and looters. About two years in and the world jump started itself. Australia is a mix bag of crazy and sane. The closer you get to the Coasts, the more insane and dead people you bump into, and the radiation has turned the cute and venomous wild life into less cute and more venomous animals...Still good to eat and can be tamed though so that's a plus. Ever ridden a Strider? Funnest way to kill time and animals...Anyways, Australia is dead, but getting better." I said as I dropped some serious knowledge on him. He seemed shell shocked, the colour drained from his punchable face.

"That's a...That's a heck of a story partner...If what your saying is true-"

"It's true." I interrupted, conveying as much bitterness as possibly with actually throwing bitters at him.

"W-well how come none of us have even heard of Australia or whatever the hay you call are?" He asked, slightly hysterical. Sighing, I removed my hat, letting my unkempt orange hair fall down, and gave him a good look at my face.

"Australia must be pretty far from here then, and I'm a Human bud. We don't have fur, we're mammals, most of us are infertile and we're generally pissed off ninety percent of the time. Not all of us have orange hair or blue eyes like me, but the sexy ones do. We're pretty tall compared to you and we come in all different shapes and colours." I said, giving him a very general view on Humanity. Despite the gaps in knowledge or key stuff I left out he seemed to get what I was saying.

"You fellas sound pretty exotic compared to anything I've seen." He said with a chuckle.

"Yeap, we're a freak show alright...So, nice town you got here, shame if something were to happen to it."I said calmly as we approached the towns gates.

"Look alive Partner, the guards are a tad jumpy with all this malarkey going on. Just let me do the talking okay?" He told me as we got closer to the shoddy barricade. The wall was lined with arrows, cuts and dents from various weapons and attempted sieges. The barricade, despite being made of almost anything the could find like carriages and broken barrels, somehow still stood. If the duct tape and holes were anything to go by, this wall of crap wouldn't stand for long. The 'gate' was what looked like a large, ornate carriage with metal plates and screens, the once decorative looking designs now battered and broken. As we neared the wooden, weathered wall I heard what sounded like running mixed with hoof steps, more technocoloured muts. Right as Braeburn was about to knock on the metal gate, I saw something raise its head from atop the barrier. It seemed to be another one of these Ponies. He was a shit brown horse with a dark brown mane and mustache, how a horse grows a mustache I have no idea. Along with another cowboy hat he wore a blue vest, silver badge and a set of steel armour that looked like it'd fit a knight, or the horse equivalent of a knight. He had what looked like a throwing spear raised above his head and was eyeing me something fierce.

"Braeburn, what the hay is that?" He asked, his voice strained and tired, a running theme with these horse's voices.

"Calm down Sheriff, this here is Flare. He calls himself a Human and wants to help out." Braeburn said as he stood in front of me, like it would stop a spear thrown from above us.

"And you just took that at face value? Boy, how naive can ya get?" He asked rhetorically. As he looked down on us, I could hear what sounded like a bunch of soldiers getting in formation behind the wall, probably in case I tried and break down the wall or something. He made a good point, even I thought what he did was stupid.

"Silver, he could of killed me. He sneaked up on me and coulda taken me out, instead he wanted to know what was happening and decided to help us when he found out we were under attack." Brae defended honestly. The sheriff seemed unconvinced but did lower the spear, somewhat buying what Burnie was elling.

"And how do we know he ain't some Minotaur infiltrator?" He countered, not buying anything.

"If I was an infiltrator I woulda put my machete through his head and sneaked in while starting fires, instead of walking up to your look out and asking whats what. Granted I asked him at gunpoint, but that's because he probably would have still shot me if I hadn't. Look, I don't know what a Minotaur is aside from the corpse I walked over to get here, I'm lost, thirsty, miss my friends, my feet hurt and tired. I'm also a seasoned fighter with more then a few kills notched on my belt if that makes things sound better." I said bluntly. At first he seemed pissed about how I causally talked about murdering someone then started to see why having me help them would be a good idea.

"Come on Silver, when have I been wrong about someone?" Brae asked with a smirk, causing the Sheriff to look at him with a neutral look.

"The buffaloes."

"Yes...Well...Everyone thought they were bad until Applejack and her friends showed up." Brae defended with a nervous chuckle and slight blush.

"...Fine, he can come in. But if you step out of line partner, you'll be in for a world o' hurt." The Sheriff threatened, causing me to snicker at his shitty attempt to intimidate me.

"...That went well." Burnie said with a tired smile as the carriage wall moved out of the way, letting us into the town.

"Huh, this a normal welcome?" I asked as we came face to face with a line of fluffy Ponies, most of them with what looked like horns, wearing silver and gold armour and using spears behind rows of wooden cover a few dozen feet away from us. So, they also have horns and wings...fuckin' wonderful. The town looked like a barracks. The streets were filled with carts and stalls full of or handing out supplies like food or water, no beer though, there were dozens of armoured Ponies walking around in patrols like they were hot shit, all of them had calm, hardened expressions and barely seem to care about me, The wall was lined with the locals either using binoculars or holdings spears or weird bows. The buildings were boarded up and in various states of messed up. The locals were either busy helping out, running around looking for something or sitting on their ass outside some kinda shop that looked like it was outfitted as a temporary triage center if the giant red cross painted on the sign above the door was anything to go by.

"Good timing Braeburn, it's time for you to trade off anyway." The Sheriff said as another local, some kinda girl with green hair and a weird shirt, walked up. Burnie handed over his rifle and the weird prosthetic finger he used to the girl who nodded at him, she gave me a weird look and ran out of the gates as it began to get rolled back into place.

"Yeah you better run..." I muttered to no one.

"I always was punctual. Sheriff, this here is Flare." Burnie introduced with a smile as I walked up to him and offered my hand.

"How do you do? Sheriff Silverstar, law enforcer and temporary soldier for what's left of Appaloosa's defense force." He said as he shook my hand briefly.

"Don't worry. Ranger Flare, known for blowing shit up, taking names and sleeping on the job." I said as I pointed to my ash stained badge, causing him to raise an eyebrow.

"Well hay, didn't think we'd run into someone working for the law out here, what'd you say you were? A Ranger?" He asked as we all began to walk down the street, some of the locals looking at us and whispering, most likely about me and how fucking beautiful I am.

"Yeap, the only law bringers worth a damn in the Wastelands. We're kinda picky about who we let in so I'm pretty good at my job if I do say so myself." I said, my voice oozing with pride.

"Aha, so how come I've never heard of you?" The sheriff asked, not really buying how great I am.

"Well, we don't work for whoever you work for and I've never been here, so I probably don't have any jurisdiction around these parts...Still, me and 'Nade are sure gonna do our best to fuck these cow people up!" I boasted loudly while holding my 'nade launcher.

"What is that?" Burnie asked while eyeing my gun.

"An M79, dispenses hellfire and pain on any poor bastard that gets in my way. I almost feel sorry for those raiders...Almost." I said while looking down its sight.

"It looks bulky, did the Minotaurs have it? That's where we found that thing I was using before." Brae asked, referring to his rifle.

"No, I own this. I was gonna ask, where the hell did you find an American sniper rifle and build a wooden finger?" I asked, wanting to find how just how much heat they were packing. So far all I'd seen were a single antiquated rifle and a bunch of spears and arrows.

"When we were scouting the dunes we came across a Minotaur using it. He tried to kill us but we were able to take him out. On his person we found a box full of metallic, pointed cylinders and figured out how to put then in the weapon. We saw how he used it and carved a finger. It's kinda hard to use it with a hoof." The Sheriff informed me as we approached a saloon of some kind, outside the doors were two sentries with a large shield and spear in each...Fore hoof?

"That answers that I suppose...Hey, not that I'm against getting shit faced in the evening, but why are we heading to a bar?" I asked as we walked into the saloon.

"Well, since the jailhouse and barracks were destroyed early in their raid we had to set up shop somewhere else. The saloon seemed like a good idea at the time." He said as we walked in. Before we did I did a quick scan of the street and noticed two stone buildings reduced to rubble with metal bars and wood sticking out, I deduced that that was what was left of the original barracks and jail.

"What the hell happened?" I asked as we pushed the saloon doors open. The building was a hub of soldiers milling about, relaxing on the second floor, planning shit on the ground floor in some kinda backroom or getting drunk if they weren't doing anything. To the far right was a stage used only to store racks of medieval weapons and armour...The more I looked around the more I questioned just how technologically able these Ponies were...Aside from the pack bar, the crowded floor above packed with guards, busy room and secretive backroom, everything looked like a normal western pub.

"They were able to sneak in some kind of exploding powder and took out the two buildings, the Ponies inside never stood a chance..." Braeburn said grimly as we passed through the crowd, guards turning to look at us and nervous patrons trying to ignore me.

"Wait here, we'll call you in shortly..." The Sheriff ordered as he and Brae walked into the backroom before closing the wooden door. With nothing else to do, I walked over to the bar and awkwardly sat down on a stool that was too small for me. shaking like a leaf, a leaf green girl walked over to me, her white hair covering her eyes.

"Hey, what'll it be? Don't worry about paying, the guards got the tab covered for anyone fighting." She said nervously with a faint smile.

"Give me a double of whatever's the strongest drink, I really need it after all this bullshit." I ordered as she gave me a shocked look and walked off to get my drink. Internally, my brain was working overtime processing all this weirdness.

'Okay...So their talking Ponies who're also technicolour, have horns or wings, have their own country, culture and government, have American accents somehow, are fighting man cow hybrids, live in a country I've never heard of surrounded by races I've never seen and use technology that's seriously outdated...What the fuck...'

"Here you go Soldier, The Appaloosa Special." The bartender said, interrupting my thoughts as I was about to suffered a brain aneurysm from all the shit I was going with. She passed me a shot glass filled with green, sweet smelling liqueur that reeked of apples, cinnamon, citrus fruits and alcohol.

"Cheers." I said while raising my glass at her before knocking it back. It was like someone took a bunch of fruits, sprinkled some sugar, dossed the whole arm in booze and punched me in the jaw. It was AMAZING.

"Woo! Damn that felt good, another one." I said with a huge grin. It was rare to find original booze that didn't taste like someone distilled bog water, poured some cheap beer into it and added piss to the mixture. In comparison to the finest liqueurs I'd had that were New Age, this was ambrosia.

"Wow...I haven't seen anyone have a shot of that and still be standing." She said as she poured another one.

"Heh, I got a liver of steel hun. Cheers to good health and not getting shot." I said as I knocked another one back, it's smooth, sickly sweet texture tickling my throat.

"U-um, do you want another?" She asked meekly. Before I could say yes, someone answered for me.

"Sorry Appletini, this fellas needed in the 'War Room'." I heard Brae said from behind me, causing me to scowl.

"Hey, never tell me when I'm done and don't sneak up on me, both combined make it real easy to get on my shit list." I said as I nodded at Appletini, who quickly poured me a shot which I downed faster. Shaking my head slightly, I nodded at her and followed Brae, who seemed a bit bothered by what I said, not that it mattered in the lest bit.

The 'War Room' as he called it was nothing more then a small lounge with a few maps, graphs and statistic laid out haphazardly with a bunch of Ponies running about examining things. At the table sat the Sheriff and some white guy with a pissed off expression at the head of the table. The last guy was wearing a full set of royal blue and golden armour, a large by their standards jeweled rapier at his side and his helmet removed. All in all, he looked about ready to stab someone, a feeling I could empathize with.

"Ranger Flare, You're already antiquated with myself and Private braeburn so allow me to introduce you to Major General Blueblood, he's the stallion in charge of the Royal Guard forces." He said while nodding towards the white stallion.

"A pleasure to make your acquaintance, wish we could meet under better circumstances." He said while smiling and nodding at me. Compared to the other guys I'd seen this guy seemed kinda foppish. He had long wavy, platinum blond hair, piercing sapphire blue eyes, a weirdly handsome horse face and an aristocratic voice that wouldn't have been out of place in a generic satirical comedy. His body must have been quite fit and masculine if he was able to wear what looked like heavy armour with such comfort. Sure, it looked lighter and much more flexible compared to the full plate armour most of the guards were wearing, but it still must have weighed a bit.

"Same...So, I got a few questions..." I said while I took my seat at the round table, the dull white light above illumating everyone as Braeburn took a seat to my left, the Sheriff to my left and Blueblood opposite me.

"Well that's why we're here, you seem kind of...Disorientated and we thought that this would help get you up to speed before tonight when they strike again. We've already gone over the strategies and plans for the coming battle, when you're done we'll fill you in on the approaching assault." The Sheriff informed me while removing his hat and letting it rest on the table, letting his dark brown hair down.

"So...Shoot partner, what do ya wanna know?" Braeburn said with a small smile as he sipped a small glass of crystal clear water.

'Oh boy, where do I fucking begin?' I thought with a almost crazed smile.

"Okay...What the fuck is going on, how did I get here and why does nothing make sense?"