Fancy Pants and Fleur rushed into the kitchen to investigate a clatter that they heard moments ago.
Before them lying on a table was a stallion with a brown coat, a darker shade of brown for his mane as well as a blue suit with a red neck tie and an overcoat.
They both exchanged questioning glances upon seeing The Doctor.
Of course, being a part of Canterlot’s higher society made them more privy to most classified information as it was a tactic often utilized by members of the guard to get into their good graces to ask for loans or various odd favors through their influence.
So they knew exactly who and what The Doctor was, but what neither of them understood was why he had broken into their house, specifically their kitchen while being clumsy enough to make such a ruckus.
From everything they had heard, he was actually supposed to be quite intelligent.
The Doctor looked up at them with a nervous, but infectious smile as he slowly waved a hoof at them.
“Hello there.”
Fleur leaned in close to her husband and whispered.
“My dear, I don’t think he’s as stupid as he seems.”
“My dear,” Fancy whispered back, while returning his gaze to The Doctor. “No one could be as stupid as he seems.”
“Doctor,” he spoke up. “What are you doing here in our mansion-lying on our table, in the middle of the day?”
“Ah, you know who I am?” The Doctor asked, jumping down.
“By reputation only.” The couple replied in unison.
“Well, sorry about that…there’s something really bad going to happen at the Gala Auction today and I need to be there to stop it and I just thought I’d drop by to warn you…and security has been tightened so my Psychic Paper doesn’t work on the guards there.”
“So you broke in here?” asked a shocked Fleur.
“I was hoping one of you could let me be your ‘plus one’ since Celestia’s out of Canterlot for a royal conference and since Blueblood is in charge there is a zero tolerance rule for anyone without an invitation-but, your front door was locked.”
“Oh, very well then...from all the good things we’ve heard about you-I can assume that you’re trustworthy.” Fancy replied, magically digging into the pocket of his coat for the invitation.
“Never let it be said that I lost my manners.”
“Ah, then we should be on our way.” The Doctor added confidently. “Allons-y!”
"Oui, mais pas si nous allons vers un cauchemar" Fleur replied, as she remembered all of the stories she had heard where The Doctor had managed to get both himself and his companions in near-fatal situations.
The trip itself was relatively uneventful.
“How do you know something bad is going to happen?” Fleur pressed as they walked.
“I’m a Time Lord-I have a sixth sense for these kinds of things.” He replied. “And unfortunately, beyond that I don’t really know too much-but I have a pretty strong hunch that it’s an artifact of some kind that utilizes ancient, forbidden magic.”
“Couldn’t you just go to the future to take a quick peek and then come back to destroy it?” Fancy asked.
The Doctor shook his head.
“It doesn’t work that way-I can’t go back on my own timeline.”
“And just how dangerous is this artifact if you’re the only one who can take care of it?”
“Powerful enough that it could rip a whole in the very fabric of the universe if it’s able to take control of someone by through them having it in their possession for a prolonged period of time.” He explained.
As they stepped before the guards in front of the door the two Unicorns pulled out their invitations.
“We’re a couple.” Fancy explained before jerking his head in the direction of The Doctor. “He’s our ‘plus one’.”
The white stallion merely gave a dismissive grunt before gesturing for them to go inside.
Directly across from the entrance was a display case filled with trinkets and jewelry, which The Doctor had to admit was actually quite clever on Celestia’s part to show off precious and rare jewelry to the greedy and vain of Canterlot so they didn’t really have much of a choice, but to participate in this charity auction-if their pride mostly stemmed from how good they looked to rub in other’s faces how wealthy they were.
In the dead center was exactly what he had been looking for; an inverted triangular amulet with a blood red gem in the center and the wings and head of an Alicorn-the same one which Trixie has used to terrorize Ponyville in her vendetta against Twilight Sparkle some time ago.
“Blueblood!” The Doctor exclaimed, rushing towards the prince.
“You have to stop the auction-or at the very least get that amulet out of here.”
“I know…” he replied queasily, “But, I’m afraid I can’t…”
“Why not?” The Doctor demanded, before taking a closer look at his clammy features. “What’s wrong?”
Blueblood led him to a corner before glancing around uneasily as he appeared to be having some form of anxiety attack.
The Doctor placed a hoof on his shoulder reassuringly.
“It’s alright, take your time and take in a deep breath.”
Blueblood inhaled deeply.
“Good, now exhale.”
He did as instructed.
“Now, what’s the problem?”
“I-I was just down the hall passing by the kitchen in preparation for the auction when I caught the scent of a mysterious odor, as I entered to investigate I could see that there were mysterious slabs of meat being chopped up, cooked and boiled…I think it may have been pony meat.” He stammered weakly as he felt another lurch in his stomach, but resisted the urge to vomit once more.
“Did anyone see you?” The Doctor asked, urgently.
“N-no I don’t think they did…why?”
“Who are these people and how long have you been associated with them?” The Doctor pressed. “Please, this is very important.”
“They’re a secret society that refers to themselves as ‘The Aristocrats’, a group exclusively for wealthy Unicorns…this whole auction was actually their idea which they had me bring up to Auntie…”
The Doctor massaged his temple in exasperation.
“This isn’t a secret society or an exclusive club…it’s a cult of elite cannibalistic Unicorn supremacists trying to take over Equestria-that’s why this auction was conveniently scheduled on the day Celestia had to leave Canterlot and it also explains what the Alicorn Amulet is doing here.”
“What should I do?” Blueblood asked desperately in horror.
“Go tell the guards to enforce a strict lockdown policy-no one gets in or out until this whole mess is resolved.” The Doctor instructed.
Blueblood nodded before heading off to speak with the guards outside the door.
The Doctor then made his way back to Fancy and Fleur who were already seated.
“Things are worse than I thought.” He whispered. “That object I was telling you about is called the ‘Alicorn Amulet’ and it is in the center of the display case-I don’t have any money so I need you two to bid for it so I can destroy it-who’s the auctioneer?”
“I believe that it’s a fellow who goes by the name of ‘Diamond Dust’ if I remember correctly?” Fancy replied, turning to his wife.
It was more of a question than a statement.
Fleur nodded in confirmation.
Scanning the stage, his eyes rested upon a stallion with a scraggly red mane, freckles, icy blue eyes and the Cutie Mark of a diamond in the shape of a star with what appeared to be grey specks of dust between its points.
He was wearing a black tuxedo with a dark red bowtie and a pink flower pinned to his lapel.
It was good to have insurance in case his plans to confront Diamond fell through and he tried to run; besides they needed to be able to interrogate him to see just how big this cult was and if they had any other plans in the works.
The Doctor hopped on stage and after a brief moment of thought realized that someone who formed a cult of cannibals wasn’t exactly sane and any attempts at talking him down would more than likely prove fruitless, if his past experiences were of any indication.
He pulled out his Sonic Screwdriver and held it between his teeth as he smashed in the glass of the display case with a hoof before activating it, causing the magic within the Amulet to resonate as it formed its eerie red magical glow.
However, this massive build up of energy caused the trinket to begin to crack slightly before it exploded into a ball of red magical energy, causing its pieces to scatter in every direction as everyone in the seats below ducked to avoid the shrapnel.
The Doctor then aimed it at Diamond.
“I’ve change my mind.” He announced. “At first, I was going to try and talk you down but then I realized that you wouldn’t listen to reason-people like you almost never do.”
Following Blueblood’s cue, two guards came up behind Diamond.
“Diamond Dust, you are under arrest.” Blueblood announced. “For creating a murderous cult, cannibalism, exploiting a member of the royal family for your own twisted ends, and treason to the crown.”
“What are you talking about?” he asked, trying to play innocent. “This is a charity auction!”
“No,” The Doctor retorted. “It’s a front for your cult to try and brainwash Canterlot’s most elite Unicorn residents into forming a coup on Princess Celestia once she returns from her conference, so you can overthrow her.”
“What proof do you have?” Diamond demanded angrily.
“I saw the food you were preparing in the kitchen-it was pony meat-you are eating people.” Blueblood replied.
This elicited a collective gasp from the other attendants.
The Doctor was also willing to bet that there was some sort of drug injected into the 'food' or an enchantment placed upon it to make the guests more susceptible to persuasion.
“I’d hardly consider them ‘people’.” He muttered under his breath, which The Doctor assumed he was referring to as Pegasi and Earth Ponies.
“Take him to the dungeons until Auntie returns from her conference, when we will perform a proper trial.” Blueblood commanded.
“I’m impressed.” The Doctor admitted as he whispered to Blueblood.
“It’s more than he deserves.” Blueblood muttered. “But, none of the punishments I can think of feel severe enough as penance for his horrendous actions.”
The Doctor then turned back to face the crowd.
“So I’m sure this probably goes without saying, but the auction is cancelled as we have to review the other objects up for bidding to see if they are also cursed and need to be destroyed…I would also like to thank Prince Blueblood and my new friends Fancy Pants and Fleur de Lis for their support in this matter.”
The looks on the patrons’ faces were understanding, but still significantly disappointed.
Seeing this, Blueblood spoke up once again.
“There will however be another LEGITIMATE charity auction next week open to the general public and will be personally overseen by myself.”
Everyone, including The Doctor was taken off-guard by this and he couldn’t help but have an approving smile spread across his face as he was once again impressed by Blueblood’s growing maturity and the knowledge that Celestia would have great pride in him once she returned.
Author's Note
NO this story has NOTHING to do with that stupid joke.
This is about something completely normal and sane; a cult of Unicorn supremacists who also happen to be cannibals.
Ninth Story for One-Shotober.
