At the Drive Through

by l0x0r

Rating: everyone
Tags: Human
Length: 2340

Humanized version of the ponies undergoing an ordeal many college aged girls must go through.

Humanized ponies going on an adventure of sight, sound, and fast food.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-10-04 15:10:00 UTC

Chapter 1

Reposted from fanfiction.net by request.

The line had been long, but finally Twilight's beetle was the next car in queue to order. She glanced in the rearview mirror, trying to ignore the bright headlights of the car behind her.

"Okay girls, do we all know what we want?"

Pinkie bounced out of her seat in between Applejack and Dash to lean forward and loudly exclaim in Twilight's ear, "Oooh, a happy meal, I want a happy meal!"

Twilight sighed. "We've been over this Pinkie, they don't have those here."

"Then I want whatever they have that has a toy. I want my surprise inside, Twilight. I need it!"

"Okay, okay, Pinkie. Calm down. We'll get you a toy."

"Yay!" Pinkie exclaimed and mercifully returned to her seat, though she still bounced up and down in it from time to time.

"What about you two, you know what you want?" Twilight asked, again looking in the rearview mirror at Dash.

Dash's reply was uncharacteristically succinct. "Yep."

"Here ya go, sugarcube," Applejack added, shoving a note over the shoulder of Twilight's seat. Twilight had long ago implemented the rule that everyone's orders had to be compiled onto a list before they reached the drive-through speaker so they didn't spend half an hour debating on what to get, again.

Twilight plucked the list from Applejack and rested it on her lap as Rarity spoke up, "Are we really going to eat here?" She and Fluttershy were squeezed into the passenger seat next to Twilight. Applejack's truck had more space, but for some reason whenever the group wanted to go anywhere, they always wanted Twilight to chauffeur them.

Twilight rubbed her eyes in irritation as she hotly replied, "Yes, Rarity, we're eating here. This was the only place that everyone could agree to that they didn't hate. Besides, we've been sitting in line to order for fifteen minutes already."

"I thought that sitting in line for the drive-through here was your idea of a joke, a poor one admittedly. I certainly didn't agree to subjecting myself to what they dare to pass off as food here."

"You don't count," Dash yelled loudly from the backseat. "If you had your way, we'd never go anyplace that wasn't sit-down with servers and stuff."

Rarity let out an affronted "hmph" and crossed her arms angrily before she replied, "Well pardon me if some of us have some standards, Rainbow Dash."

"Standards shmanders," Applejack spoke up. "You just think that fast food isn't fru fru enough for you."

"I do not think that it is not 'fru fru enough,'" Rarity said angrily. She turned around in her seat and Twilight was worried that she was about to climb into the backseat to give Applejack and Dash a piece of her mind. "I simply don't think that anyone who has the least bit of taste would patronize an establishment that deep fries their entire menu with grease that's older than I am!"

The car in front of them was taking its sweet time to order, but Twilight could feel the clock ticking, so she interrupted her friends' disagreement. "Rarity! What do you want to order?"

Rarity turned back around and sat normally. "You don't have to shout, Twilight dear. I suppose I'll have a salad. I don't think they've begun deep frying their lettuce, yet."

"Good. Salad." Twilight hastily scribbled it at what she hoped was the bottom of the list. It was difficult to see in the dim light provided by the headlights of the car behind them. "Fluttershy, food, go."

From the other side of Rarity, the only response was a high pitched squeak. Fluttershy didn't handle having to make quick decisions in a high pressure environment well.

The break lights in front of them flashed and the car began moving forward, it was finally their turn to order.

"No time, you're getting a vegi-burger," Twilight said franticly. There was an inaudible mumble from Fluttershy, and Twilight ruthlessly added, "with fries." She eased her foot off the brake and they crept up to the speaker buried amidst the large menu.

"Welcome to Celly's, you'll leave with full bellies, can I take your order?" A disembodied and disinterested voice asked from the other side of the speaker, it sounded like it perhaps might be in the upper parts of hell.

"Why yes," Twilight perkily replied. "We'll have …" she lifted up the list to better see it in the bright light given off by the florescent sign. "One double cheeseburger with extra sauce, extra large fries, and a large chocolate shake, twenty percent cooler than normal. Then a chicken sandwich, apple slices, and a small apple pie, with a medium coke. And then one Twilight is a dork."

"Yes! Up top, AJ," Dash exclaimed. There was the sound of slapping from the backseat as Twilight's 'friends' high-fived each other. Twilight shot them a glance in the rearview mirror, her eyebrow twitching.

"I'm sorry, I didn't get that last part," the person on the other side of the speaker said, not sounding sorry at all.

Twilight groaned angrily, then looked back down at the list, ignored the unexpected data type and moved on to the next entry in the array.

"We'd also like a kid's meal with a cherry coke –"

"And a pony toy, the pink one!" Pinkie shouted from the backseat.

"With the pink pony toy," Twilight growled through gritted teeth. She waited a second to see if Pinkie wanted to interrupt any further, but for once the exuberant girl was quiet.

"A club sandwich with a small water for me, a small salad –"

"Make sure they don't put any tomatoes on it," Rarity interjected. "I heard that some of the tomatoes this chain uses had e-coli"

"With no tomatoes," Twilight continued with a sigh. "And a vegi-burger with a medium order of french fries."

"Alright, that was a double cheeseburger, extra large fries, and a large chocolate shake, a chicken sandwich with apple slices, a small apple pie, a medium coke, a kid's meal with a cherry coke, a club sandwich, a small water, small salad, hold the tomatoes, a vegi-burger, a medium order of french fries. And one Twilight, you're a dork." Repeated the speaker.

Twilight narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "I thought you said you didn't hear that last one."

"That will be $23.46, drive around to the first window please."

Even through the distorted speaker, the condescending tone of the restaurant employee was somewhat recognizable.

"Wait a second. Trixie, is that you?" Twilight asked suspiciously.

"Please drive around."

The car behind them honked its horn. Realizing that she had spent more time than she should have in front of the speaker, Twilight eased the car forward. There was another wait of a few minutes as the car in front of them finished paying and collecting their food, but soon enough it was their turn to stop in front of the brightly illuminated drive-through window.

"That'll be $23.46."

Twilight looked up and found that it was Trixie, her self declared rival from Introductory Chemistry, squeezed into an unflattering polyester uniform.

"Um, hey Trixie."

Pinkie Pie leaned forward between the front seats and exuberantly waved. "Hi Trixie! Ohmygosh, I didn't know you worked here. Is it everything I ever dreamed? I mean you get to meet all sorts of nice people and are surrounded by little plastic ponies all day, what could be better?"

Trixie closed her eyes and sighed deeply before leveling a scathing glare at Twilight, completely ignoring Pinkie. "Trixie has neither the time nor the patience to banter with you, Twilight Sparkle. Trixie has been working this window for five hours already, and still has to face the midnight stoner rush. So please just don't talk, and pay for your food."

Silently Twilight handed over her Bank of Equestria card, and a signature on the receipt later, Trixie had handed back the card and closed the small window, apparently attempting to pretend that Twilight and her friends didn't exist.

As they waited for their food to be prepared, Dash quietly spoke up. Well, quietly for her. "No way, is that really Trixie? Oh man, I wish I'd have known she worked here sooner. We should have gone inside so we could mess with her and she couldn't do anything because her manager's around."

"Now, Dash," Rarity admonished, "I'm sure that wearing such a tacky uniform is punishment enough for anyone."

Applejack cut in, "Besides, least she's got a job, unlike a certain someone who has to ask her friends for change every time we pass a vending machine."

"Hey, I'm too busy training all the time to have a job. I've got to stay in top physical shape."

"Which is why you ordered the most high calorie food on the menu," Twilight observed wryly.

"My body's a well oiled machine, and I gotta keep it happy if you know what I mean," Dash replied without even the hint of being ashamed.

The drive-through window banged open, and Trixie thrust out a couple of large bags, almost managing to hit Twilight's nose with them.

"Oh, thanks," Twilight said hesitantly as she took the bags from Trixie and handed them over to Rarity, the usual distributer of fast food stuffs.

From rote, Trixie asked "For the vegi-burger, what kind of sauce would you like?" with a long suffering tone.

Twilight looked over to Fluttershy, who's pink hair was just visible on the other side of Rarity. "Uh, Fluttershy, what kind of sauce do you want?"

"Um, hot sauce, if that's okay," was the softly spoken reply.

Doubting that Trixie had heard Fluttershy's quiet murmur, Twilight turned and repeated, "Hot sauce."

Trixie had begun to look more bored than annoyed. "Alright, mild, hot, fire, or volcano?"

Fluttershy spoke up again, "Oh, I'm sorry, Twilight, but do they have anything milder than mild?"

"Sugarcube, why do you want hot sauce if it's not hot?" Applejack interjected.

"I like how hot sauce tastes, I just don't really like it being hot."

Twilight rubbed the bridge of her nose, but dutifully asked Trixie, "Do you have any hot sauce milder than mild?"

Trixie stared at Twilight as if she had a horn growing out of her forehead for an awkward second before succinctly and firmly answering, "No."

"Oh, okay then," said Fluttershy disappointedly. "I guess barbeque sauce will be fine, if that's alright."

Without waiting for Twilight to act as a relay, Trixie picked up several packets of sauce and shoved them in a small bag, then almost flung it into the car. Second later holders full of beverages were shoved into Twilight's hands, and Trixie hotly said, "If that's everything, please leave, I've-Trixie's got a line of cars backed up almost to the street."

"Okay then, have a nice night," Twilight said as she began to pull away, trying to be civil at least.

"You too," Trixie replied automatically, then caught herself and glared at Twilight as if she blamed her for forcing her to be pleasant.

As they pulled up to the intersection leading away from the restaurant, Dash loudly declared, "Finally, food, pass it back, Rare."

"I told you not to call me that!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just hurry up and toss me my burger, I'm starving back here."

However as Rarity distributed the food and Twilight merged with traffic, she commented, "It seems they forgot the straws. And there are tomatoes on my salad, and this lettuce has wilted into a soggy mush."

"Aw stop whining, Rarity," Applejack replied.

"I'm not whining, I'm complaining."

Applejack was going to retort, but was preempted by Dash. "What the hay, this shake is warm!"

Twilight spared an angry glance in the rearview mirror. "You better not be trying to drink that in my car without a straw, Dash. Chocolate stains are impossible to get out of upholstery."

"Aw stop worrying, Twi. I'm like the master of drinking while moving."

At that moment a pothole appeared out of nowhere, and the whole car bumped up and down.

"Uh, oops. Hey Rarity, are there any napkins up there?" Dash asked innocently. Wordlessly Rarity handed back a fistful of non-absorbent napkins.

Twilight sighed in frustration. She liked her friends, but sometimes she forgot why exactly she did.

"Oh no, they gave me a GI Jerk toy instead of a pony," Pinkie lamented.

"Well my fish sandwich is pretty good," Applejack commented.

Twilight turned her head in thought. "Didn't you order a chicken sandwich?"

"Eh, whatever," was Applejack's response.

"Man, that place sucks," Dash observed as she futilely scrubbed at her t-shirt. "Who suggested we go there anyway?"

"You did," Twilight said flatly.

"Oh. Well, you guys know what? We should ditch this crummy food, and go hit up a pizza place, get some pizzas, go home, and watch movies all night. My treat," Dash proposed.

There was a chorus of "fine with me," "sounds good," and other sounds of approval.

"Now I suppose the question is, which establishment should we go to?" Rarity said thoughtfully.

Applejack quickly responded, "We should go to Papa's Pizza."

"Naw, that place blows," Dash said dismissively.

"Ooh, I know, we should go to Chewie Cheese's," Pinkie excitedly said. "They have a ball pit there!"

Fluttershy quietly spoke up, "I didn't know we were allowed to suggest places that we would could go inside to eat."

"Why wouldn't we be able to?"

"I don't know, I just thought it was against the rules."

"It is against the rules," Rarity broke in. "I simply can't be seen in an establishment of that nature."

"Aw, lighten up Rare."

"What did you call me?"

As the argument over which food establishment erupted again, Twilight came to a gradual stop at a red light. In impotent frustration she closed her eyes and began to slowly beat her head on the steering wheel.

From the backseat Dash whispered to her, "Hey Twi, can I borrow a few bucks for the pizza? I'm a little light right now."