Ugh. Discord had woken up to another day as a statue. He never got hungry, which is a plus, but it was wasted because he couldn't move! 'Hey, buddy,' he thought to one of the palace gardeners 'watch where you point that hose!' Then the statue of Discord promptly vanished in a cloud of dust. The Gardener was horrified. He galloped off to tell the Princesses what had happened. It appeared that Discord had inexplicably escaped again!
In reality, he had not. Instead, he was plunging at impossible speeds through an interdimensional (and very colourful) wormhole. Even though he was going so fast, the trip was taking a while. That's when a white box labelled 'microwave' popped into existence. Curiously, Discord conjured up a cheese sandwich. He put it in the microwave and set it for thirty seconds. He then enjoyed half of his sandwich, relishing the delicious melty sensation of napalm-hot cheese. Seeing ground at the end of the multicoloured tunnel, Discord braced for a hard landing. Instead, he fell straight into the middle of a lake.
Spluttering as he rose to the surface of the lake to stand on it, he noticed something odd. The entire world had gone completely grey! Discord clutched his shoulders. Had he gone colour blind? Fortunately not, because he could still see the colour in his hands. But that meant that this entire world was completely grey! There had to be some colour here! Shouldn’t there? Shaking such thoughts out of his head, he ran towards the horizon, making waves across a lake that had not even known a ripple for thousands of years. There was no wind; no trees and the only animals Discord could see were shuffling underground. Discord stood in disbelief. An entire world where everything made sense. He thought that there had to be SOMETHING out of the ordinary here. Everything he thought of, every last thing in this universe made complete sense! Except for him. He knew he had to do something about it. First off though, he had to find some shade. There was a VERY good reason that all the animals were underground.
The burning sun was beating down on Discord, who was seeking shelter from its deadly rays. Not finding any shade for miles, he decided on the next best thing. Tearing up huge quantities of dirt, Discord plunged into the ground. It took him mere seconds to make an underground base of operations. He paced around it, thinking of a way to make this world better for him. The Princesses had obviously thought him as nothing more as a tacky garden decoration and had banished him to another world. He became quite irritated as dangling roots brushed his face. Tearing them out, he discovered that he could do something with this. Using his magic, he grew the root into a sapling which he could rest under. Unfortunately, this little sapling was greedy. It forced Discord to continue growing it, and Discord watched in horror as the tree punched through the roof of his grotto and out into the blistering sunlight. He expected the tree to be completely incinerated, but it stayed a living, breathing tree. Discord cried jubilantly. He had created some shade! He decided to sleep the rest of the day. The sun was as high in the sky, meaning it was still noon. Discord rested his head against the mighty tree, waiting for the night.
Discord woke up in a sweat. The sun was still hanging high at noon, and was still beating down on the land. This didn’t make any sense! ‘But of course it does’ said a small voice in his head. ‘The planet’s lost its momentum. It’s stopped orbiting!’ He realised he was thinking logically again. If he did for too long, he would lose his chaotic powers! It was stupid, he knew, but it came with the job. But he was still unsure. Then he saw it again. The my-crow-wave. He picked it up and opened it. His cheese sandwich had gone! He had no time to think about that now; a plan was forming in his mind. Discord had placed the my-crow-wave at the very edge of the tree’s shadow. He went to sleep again, and when he woke up, the shadow was still touching the microwave. Discord was furious. If there was no day/night cycle, he would probably be driven mad! Well, madder. He decided to try and get the planet moving again. It was the only thing that could make night again without bringing THEM back. Not in his world! No way, no how!
It was still swelteringly hot. No matter what he did, he could not move the sun or the planet by himself. As powerful as his chaotic magic was, he could not move the sun. It was simply too big! If he couldn’t MOVE the sun, then he needed something to block it out instead. Taking a lump of white mud from the lakeside, he formed it into a ball and held it to the sun. Once it hardened, he used his chaotic powers and threw it to the sun. It grew in size as it travelled skyward, and was eventually almost as big as the sun itself. Then it hung there, right in front of the sun, blocking it out. He had made a solar eclipse. The small shuffling animals that burrowed into the earth broke the smooth soil to see what had happened. They trembled before what they were witnessing. Who was this creature that brought the darkness? The one who had shunned the harsh sun in favour of a cool, dark night? Slowly, the shuffling creatures opened their unused eyes to glimpse at the world around them. The land was barren and flat, save for one tree and the mysterious my-crow-wave. The creatures shuddered as Discord walked up to them on his hind legs.
“You there! My name is Discord. Embodiment of Chaos and Disharmony. Who, or more appropriately what, are you?” Discord boomed with authority. The strange mole-like creatures merely stared blankly at Discord. Discord face-palmed as he realised. These small rodents had no language. They were the only inhabitants of this dull rock and they had no way of communicating! Discord kicked up some clay and went to work, trying to make this land a little more…Interesting.
Discord had a lot of work ahead of him. He had snapped a few branches from his Great Tree of Chaos (a name he thought up of because hey, he had to create SOME mythology) and planted them in the ground around them. He then took the water from the great lake and gave it to the saplings. A few weeks had passed. He had expected the saplings to grow by now, but without the warmth of the sun, the frosty moon was killing them off, one by one. In a blind rage, Discord blasted one of the bizarre animals with a bolt of chaos magic. The thing about chaos magic however is anything can happen at any time, for no reason. Instead of frying the animal to a crisp as intended, it began to shift and change. It drank in his chaotic powers, much of it solidifying in a horn atop its head. The legs grew long and strong, the neck elongated from the body, which was now muscled and strong. Wings sprouted out from its sides and flared. Discord stared in amazement. He had created an Alicorn! It was the same colour as it was before, and DEFINITELY not Celestia or Luna, but it would suit his purposes. The stallion had a rough brown coat with tussled jet black mane. Discord walked up to it and pressed a finger unto its head. Into this young beast he poured his knowledge of the world. Languages, basic skills, magic, and mathematics filled the colt’s mind so fast, it almost made him burst. Discord then tasked him with a singular task. To move the moon and the sun. When Discord was finished, the Alicorn looked at him with solemn eyes.
“Your will be done master Discord.” He said. He had no cutie mark, but that was hardly necessary. There would only ever be one of course. In Discord’s mythology, he would not only be a god, but a creator of gods. He would have made the sun and the moon, but while he didn’t make the sun, in a thousand years or so, no-one would be the wiser. The Alicorn used his power to move the moon form its resting place. Slowly, the moon gave way to the sun and the wilted saplings snapped to attention and began to grow. Discord looked proudly at his new world. But something was missing. It needed a name. Discord Land? Tacky. Dracconequs World? Stupid. Restia? He did seem to be doing a lot of resting. The weekend would have to be VERY long.
Since the Moon Moving, Discord had made his Alicorn move it every time his plants started to wilt from either too much sun or cold. Eventually, Discord and the Alicorn decided that it would be much easier to simply put the sun and the moon in a slow rotation around each other. The sun stayed completely stationary while the moon slowly crept around it. Discord and the Alicorn walked through their realm and discussed important matters. Since they did not have many matters, and few of them were very important, they rarely spoke.
“So how’s the forest going?” Discord asked
“Very well, Master Discord. The saplings have grown another five centimetres in the past week.” The Alicorn said
“Ah. Excellent. Those plants love chaos energy almost as much as I love chaos itself!”
“But sir, are you only making this world only to destroy it?” the stallion said horrified “Are you merely creating to destroy?” Discord didn’t quite know what to make of this outburst.
“Of course not!” He snapped “When I arrived in this realm, it was as bare and barren as a rock farm! It was boring! I can’t stand anything being boring! I created things that didn’t make sense, and made unusual things happen! The Great Chaos Tree and you are prime examples!”
“I am sorry sir. Please forgi…” He began, but Discord silenced him.
“No, you were right. I started out thinking this as another prison sentence, another torture, but it became something else. One thing led to another, and eventually I created you.” Discord said
“Umm, there is something else I have to tell you master.” The Alicorn said nervously
“What is it?”
“I don’t quite know how, but last night I seem to have… Multiplied.”
“WHAT?!” Discord shrieked. Much to his dismay, out stepped two fillies behind his Great Chaos Tree, both with wings and horn, one alabaster white, and another bluer than the night sky. His captors had returned. He told the Alicorn he needed to think. Alone. The Alicorn and the two fillies trotted past Discord and joined their father.
“Daddy, who was that?” the blue one asked
“That’s Discord honey. He’s my father, and the god of this world. He made us and the sun and the moon. He came from the sky, and he’s making our world better.”
“But how?” the white one asked
“I truly don’t know darling.” He said as he glimpsed over his shoulder
This didn’t make sense. Even to Discord, the GOD of all things that didn’t make sense. This was just impossible! Celestia and Luna in his world? The one they had undoubtedly sent him to, simply to punish him further? Unless this wasn’t his world. Discord was crushed. He had just brought about the creation of Equestria! The world he was to eventually plunge into chaos! But he had already made it completely chaotic. He calmed down and stopped pacing under the tree. In Equestrian folklore, Celestia and Luna created the world, NOT Discord. He breathed a sigh of relief. He wasn’t going to be turned into stone again. At least he hoped. He looked about his new world. Grass was starting to grow around the tree, and was now spreading into the sunlight. Discord fuelled it’s desire for expansion with a little chaos and decided to check on the trees again.
The trees were slightly droopy, but this wasn’t the fault of the day or night, he simply had no time to water them anymore. There were too many trees and not enough time for them all. Then he remembered. Discord rushed over to the lake, where the Alicorn and his daughters were waiting. He ignored them, and lifted his paw to the lake. A bolt of purple chaos crackled across the turbulent water, making it hiss and sizzle in protest. Eventually, enough water had evapourated to make a small cloud. It was fluffy and white, but it would have to do. Discord pushed the cloud above his trees, where he used the growing trick again. He then proceeded to jump up and down on it, attempting to create the rain his trees so desperately wanted. But all he got was one small droplet. Then he heard a great rushing of wings as the Alicorns came up to greet him. The two children swooped and played and crashed into the cloud, making the rain. It had seemed that the great beating of their tiny wings had also made the first winds. The cloud was slowly moving across the sky. Tiny sprouts popped their heads out of the grey dirt and drank in the rain. Discord looked proudly at the two fillies. He then entrusted them with not only helping their father move the moon, but allowed them to use clouds any way they wanted. This had resulted in many cloudy forts up in the sky, and more than a few cloud ball fights that somehow got Discord dragged into them. All in all, they had tremendous fun. Then, disaster struck.
The First Alicorn was dead. He was inspecting one of the trees during a storm the two sisters had brewed, when a wayward bolt of lightning had hit a tree, causing one of its great branches to crush the poor stallion. The two sisters were quietly weeping at the sight of their father, and even Discord was struggling to hold back his waves of tears. He had gotten attached to him. He opted to try and comfort the two young mares. They were lonely. All they had was each other. Discord knew something had to be done. He released the young ones and went to look for the other creatures. He knew what he had to do.
“Mr Discord! Where are you going?” The younger wailed
“I need to find something. I will return. Don’t worry.” He said. He didn’t mean it, but he wanted to comfort them all the same. He flew off to search for a mountain.
After creating a mountain since he couldn’t find one, Discord climbed to the top. At the apex, he stood atop it and raised his hands. Bolts of pure chaos shot out from them and arced towards the ground. With each bolt, ponies were made. For some reason, they didn’t become Alicorns, but some still retained either wings or horn. He had only intended to make a few, but once again, he found he couldn’t control the chaotic energies. The lightning arced from one small creature to another, soon covering the entire world in crackling electricity. Discord was shocked (hah hah). He hadn’t intended this. He stared out at the landscape. All that he had started out with was a grey, dreary plane of existence with a few mole creatures and sparse roots. He had created trees, the moon, wind and waves, grass and ponies. He stared at it all. It was…beautiful. He had made this. He realised that it was not just for himself after all. He had created all this for the good of the world. Good… It felt good. Heck, it felt GREAT! He sighed and felt something tap his shoulder gently. It was Celestia! Although she was much taller and older now. Discord was speechless.
“Well done Discord.” Clestia said “You have not only learned that you have created Equestria, but you have also brought joy to all of its inhabitants.”
“Bu… How? Was all of this a plan by you?” Discord said
“Why of course! This was how Equestria was actually made. You started off with nearly nothing, and used it to make the world a better place.”
“Wow. You are a very tough love character.” Discord muttered. Reality snapped back. He was standing in the throne room, surrounded by royal guards and six very familiar ponies.
“Hello!” squealed Pinkie Pie. Discord was astonished, but also disappointed. He was not the Creator of Equestria after all.
“Discord, what you just saw was a past memory, locked away because well… I truly don’t know anymore.” Celestia said.
“Dear sister, was it because that if we were to reveal that the Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony was also the Creator of Equestria, wouldn’t there be a mass uprising?” Luna ventured
“Yes. Thank you Luna.” Celestia said
“So why did you release me?” Discord said with enough impact to break the 4th wall “The author and readers aren’t going to be satisfied with a story with gaping potholes!”
The ponies looked about in confusion. Only Pinkie seemed to know what he was talking about.
“What..? Oh well. I thought that since you were probably going to plot another escape sooner or later, probably after the Elements of Harmony had expired,” Celestia indicated to the other ponies. Pinkie waved “We thought we could give you a second chance.”
Discord was very confused. A strange feeling that he had never experienced before welled up inside him, almost driving him to bright orange tears.
“But… Why? Why would you do this?” Discord choked. “I mean, I tried to ruin Equestria! I almost broke the friendship of the other ponies!” Pinkie waved again. “Why do I deserve this?”
“Because we want to be your friend Discord.” Celestia said “It’s pointless if we continually squabble thorough the centuries. Why should we? Let’s settle our differences. Can we be friends?” Clelestia outstretched a golden shoed hoof. Discord stood there, as if he was a statue yet again. He threw his memories on the floor of his mind and feverishly ran through them. Not once, while he was ever in existence, had he ever had a friend. With a flash of movement, he embraced Celestia. He was crying tears of joy. Suddenly, he stopped. He had just remembered a plot hole. He vanished in a cloud of sparkles and reappeared shortly afterwards with a cheese sandwich in hand.
“Why did you do that?” Twilight asked
“I needed to fill in a plot hole.”
“A what?”
“You see, when I disappeared from the Equestria, I had completely disappeared. I had to do the whole mess of becoming a statue again, and then I broke out of the rather weak spell, switched myself with a double and came back.”
“I… How… WHAT?!”
“It’s very simple really.” Discord grinned madly “Equestria and everypony in it is living a life created by a complicated mess of paradoxes, counter-paradoxes and just plain chaos. This is perfect for me. But, there is someone I need to tell about this. I need it to get this written down in a completely different time period, planet and universe so it makes even less sense.”
"Thanks for reading!!!" Squeaked Pinkie Pie, shattering whatever remained of the 4th wall.
