Twilight Buys a Shake Weight

by Spartan-Guy 88

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Derpy Hooves, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, Random
Length: 2936

Twilight doesn't realize what she ordered.

In hopes of getting in better shape for flight training with Rainbow Dash, Twilight orders something in the mail that should help her do just that.

A device designed to be a complete upper body workout.
A device ridiculed by so many, for a very good reason.
A device called... the Shake Weight.

NOTHING EXPLICIT SHOWN OR DETAILED. JUST IMPLIED.

Published 2013-10-04 23:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-10-04 23:00:02 UTC

The Only Chapter in the Whole Dang Story

DISCLAIMER: THE FOLLOWING IS A NON PROFIT, FAN-BASED PIECE OF WRITTEN FICTION
MY LITTLE PONY: FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC IS PROPERTY OF HASBRO, DHX MEDIA, THE HUB NETWORK, AND LAUREN FAUST
PLEASE SUPPORT THE OFFICIAL RELEASE

Twilight Buys a Shake-Weight
Written by: Spartan-Guy 88

Evening Glimmer gave a very content sigh as she looked over the dining room table of the apartment she owned in Manehatten. A very fine, silk, white table-cloth covered said table. A ruby red candle sat in the middle; and two sets of plates, napkins, wine glasses, and silverware on each end. All that was missing were the dinner and her soon to arrive guest. This was to be the exact kind of evening the Unicorn mare had planned on being as romantically perfect as possible.

The front door of the apartment then opened, and said guest entered the room, closing the door behind him. In came
Glimmer’s guest, a Pegasus stallion, local police detective by the name of Subtle Hint.

After looking over the work she had done in the dining room, he gave a low chuckle and commented; “Well, you’ve been busy.”

“What can I say?” Glimmer asked rhetorically, “I was motivated.”

As Hint hung up his jacket on the coat-rack he said, “I’m sorry; I didn’t bring any flowers. It’s been a very long day for me.”

Glimmer slowly trotted over to her date and replied, “Don’t worry about it. Besides…” she then leaned in close to his ear and whispered, “…I can think of a few ways you can make it up to me; after dinner.”

Turning towards the mare, he gave a small smirk. “How’s about I give you a brief sample then…?”

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

“Ah!” Twilight exclaimed as she dropped the book she was reading.

"Dang it! It was getting to the steamy part too!" She thought to herself as she collected herself.

The lavender pony placed a bookmark in her book and hid it under her bed; lest Spike discover what she has really been “researching” and never let it down; thank Faust Almighty he was spending time with the Cutie Mark Crusaders. She then left their bedroom and made her way to the front door. Upon opening the front door the lavender Alicorn was treated to the sight of Ponyville’s local mail mare.

“Good morning Derpy.” Twilight greeted, “I’m guessing my mail is in?”

Derpy nodded as she then spoke, “I sure do Twilight. I’ve also got a package addressed to you.”

As the cross-eyed Pegasus mare went ruffling through her saddle bag to retrieve Twilight’s mail; the lavender pony couldn’t help but feel relieved at her response.

In the weeks following Twilight’s coronation into Royalty, she had unsuccessfully attempted to make her life as much as it was before what was now labeled as ‘The Cutie Mark Switch Up’. While being a princess certainly has its share of perks, there also came a set of nuisances. For instance, everywhere she went, ponies would always bow to her. She knew that it was customary for the citizens of Equestria to bow in honor and tradition in the audience of a princess, Twilight regularly communed in Ponyville and was getting tired of feeling like she was superior to everypony else. It only got worse when practically every store in the town offered discounts –if not absolutely free of charge deals- to her.

Yet worst of all, the influence even spread to her closest friends.

According to Sweetie Belle, Rarity would be locked in her boutique, making one lovely gown or dress after another for various types of events the newest princess would attend.

Applejack at one point did a complete imitation of a certain giving-away-free-bag full of apples to another pony incident (At least from what Bon Bon said one time).

Rainbow Dash and Spike, it seemed, had become her two “bodyguards”. Sure it was a good sign of loyalty at first; but that was before they started tackling ponies whom they thought were approaching Twilight in a threatening manner.

Pinkie Pie had made it her life goal to throw a weekly anniversary party for the day Twilight became an official member of Canterlot Royalty. Twilight could have sworn she had seen Pinkie taking a blow-torch to her Party Cannon to make modifications and calibrations once or twice. Mr. Cake even saw her looking through a Cannon Surplus magazine for additional add-ons to said Party Cannon. Ranging from, a silencer, a loudener, and something that was reserved for New Year’s parties. When he asked if he was really going to get any of those items, the response he received was:

“Oh I don’t need anything like that… yet.” This was followed by a silent thank you to some unseen phantom by the name of James for using a “Simpsons” reference.

…

…

…

I have no idea how she knows my name. Don’t ask.

Fluttershy often brought tea over to Twilight; which itself is a nice gesture. Unfortunately when Twilight said that she wasn’t a big fan of mocha-caramel flavored, Fluttershy apologized vehemently, offering to throw herself into house arrest.

The final straw was when Scootaloo tried to return the latest Daring Do novel to the library; only for Spike to press her against a wall demanding how she got inside the residence of a royal princess without permission. Upon hearing the commotion from the bedroom, Twilight went downstairs to find her Number One Assistant/Unofficial Younger Brother pinning Rainbow Dash’s Biggest Fan/Unofficial Younger Sister to the wall demanding how she got into the “Princess’ Restricted Research Area.”

Putting it VERY mildly, Twilight was not pleased with any of this, and decided that enough was enough.

She magically pulled Spike from Scootaloo and before he could protest, put a zipper on his mouth. Twilight then calmly apologized for Spike’s incredibly rude behavior, accepted the Daring Do novel back, and even dismissed her late fee.

After sending the Pegasus filly on her way, Twilight then used a summoning spell to teleport her other friends to the library. When she finally released Spike from both her telepathic hold and the zipper. Spike tried to explain his reasons for his actions against Scootaloo.

The keyword was ‘tried’; due to the fact that midway through his explanation Twilight got in really close to his face with a look that could melt the snow off the tallest mountain in Equestria. She then rhetorically asked in a frighteningly calm manner:

“Spike. Do you REALLY want to finish that sentence…?”

Spike remained silent. Smart move on his part.

Twilight didn’t outright scream or yell at her friends for what they have been doing; she did something far worse: She gave them all a very long and stern lecture over their recent actions. She went to saying that they not only angered and frustrated her; but it saddened her to see her friends stoop so very low; even going as far as saying that it felt like they were treating her more like a princess than a friend. When they tried to say that she technically WAS a princess, they were all treated to the same look she gave Spike earlier; this time she did scream at them.

“YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!!!!!”

Apparently that was all the pent up energy she had in her, because after her outburst, Twilight then sat on the floor, and began to sob silently; whispering that all she wanted from them to be were just her friends, not her servants. She then dismissed them all from the library to have some alone time; with Spike spending the night at Sweet Apple Acres. It was for the best, for all of them.

The next day however, came the change Twilight severely needed. There was no big Pinkie Pie style apology party, just her friends revisiting her at the library and explaining that after the previous evening’s confrontation, they all had thought long and hard about their actions over the past weeks; and all came to realize that they were not only disappointing Twilight, but themselves as well. Realizing that they’ve gone overboard with the whole ‘Living a live with my best friend now a Princess’ thing; they all gave a massive apology towards her. Spike added that he even went to Scootaloo and apologized to her as well, and offered that he’d find a way to make it up to her someday.

They had all also offered to help her organize a small speech in front of Town Hall, where she can explain to the other ponies of Ponyville.

To make a long story wrap up quickly:

Twilight addressed the locals that while she appreciates them respecting her as royalty, she wants to be seen even more as a friend. Doing so, she also asked for them to please stop with the bowing and the needless groveling.

Slowly but steadily, the crowd got behind Twilight’s offer and went on their way.

Her friends once again apologized for putting her in a tough spot, all shared one of their trademark group hugs (complete with Spike despising the sappiness of it all), and all went over to Sugar Cube Corner for a round of milkshakes; during which Twilight paid for her own.

Snapping back into the present, Derpy had pulled out a small package from her saddle bag and gave it to Twilight.

“Ah! This must be the exercise weight I ordered!” Twilight exclaimed.

Derpy asked as she pulled out a small clipboard for the Alicorn to sign; “Since when did you start exercising?”

“I’m usually in good shape, but ever since Rainbow Dash started giving me and Scootaloo lessons and pointers on how to use these wings, I have to stay up to date on exercising more than ever. I mean, she’s not making us fly laps around Ponyville… yet.” Twilight said with a small shudder at the ending.

Derpy smiled as she took the now signed clipboard back, “Don’t worry Twilight; once you truly get the feel and rhythm nailed down, flying should be as natural as breathing and blinking.”

Twilight returned the smile as she responded, “Thanks Derpy.”

“Good luck on your exercising.” Derpy said as she began to fly off to her next destination.

Heading back inside with her package in tow, Twilight headed back upstairs and set it down on a table and opened it, revealing a box that read:

SHAKE WEIGHT

Taking the Shake Weight out of the box, Twilight wasn’t surprised to see that it resembled an average dumbbell. Taking a look at the instruction manual she read out loud.

“To use the Shake Weight, place either one of your fore-hooves into the strap and fasten it until it is tight. Shake the device back and forth to achieve your full work out. If desired, place your other hoof into the second strap and shake up and down.”

Following the instructions, she slipped the Shake Weight on her right hoof and proceeded to shake it left and right.

After around thirty seconds, she started to feel something in her right foreleg.

“Oh wow. I’m really starting to feel the burn! This was a good investment after all!” Twilight said to herself, proud of the choice she made in ordering the Shake Weight.

Twilight had become so engrossed with her exercising that she almost didn’t hear the front door open. Following this was the very pony she was eager to show her new technique to.

“Hey Twilight!” Rainbow Dash called from the lower floor; “I may have found the perfect place for you and Scootaloo’s gliding practice! Where you at girl?”

Twilight called in response, “I’m upstairs Rainbow! You’re just in time too! You’ve got to see what I’ve just got to help me with that training!”

As Rainbow made her way up the stairs, Twilight could hear her snarky remark; “Don’t tell me Egghead, it’s probably… a book! Who would have thought?”

“Very cute.” Twilight replied, annoyed at the nickname the Captain of the Ponyville Weather Team loved to use; “It’s not a book. It’s a new piece of exercise equipment that seems to be really working out for me.” As she finished her sentence, she then switched to her other foreleg.

Just as Rainbow Dash came in through the door she then said, “You? Exercise equipment? Those are two things I never thought would ever be in a…combo…” She trailed off as she saw the very thing Twilight was using.

“It’s a Shake Weight!” Twilight exclaimed with glee. “The advertisement said that this bad boy will get me in tip top shape in no time. I know that exercising my wings is important, mind you; but I have a feeling that getting the rest of my body in a similar workout will gain great benefits as well! Isn’t this amazing?!”

Rainbow Dash however stared at her for the longest time; her mouth hanging in bizarre awe, not saying a word.

It wasn’t until ten seconds later that she then burst out laughing at one of her closest friends.

“BWAH HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!” Rainbow bellowed out loud as she collapsed to the floor, holding her stomach; “ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!”

Twilight had stopped shaking the Shake Weight and looked down at the light blue Pegasus in disapproval.

“I don’t see what’s so funny about this Rainbow. So far it’s working out greatly for me. I should do this at least twice a day, in fact.”

That only made Rainbow Dash laugh even harder.

Twilight scowled at her friend, “I’m serious Rainbow!” She exclaimed as she then put both of her hooves into the straps on the Shake Weight and proceeded to shake it up and down. “I thought you’d be happy with the fact that I’m getting in a really good work out!”

Rainbow Dash finally let up on her laughter and looked up. Yet when she saw the new position Twilight was using on the Shake Weight, she only collapsed on the ground again, laughing even louder than ever.

“STOP IT TWILIGHT! HA HA HA! I CA- I CAN’T BREATHE!” Rainbow cried out in between laughs.

Finally had enough, Twilight set the Shake Weight down and told Rainbow Dash, “Rainbow Dash, will you just TELL me what’s getting you so worked up?!”

After a moment, Rainbow finally calmed down enough to ask her in return, “You really don’t see the –ah- resemblance to a certain… self-romantic gesture?”

Twilight stared at her for a while. “We wouldn’t be having this conversation if I did.”

Rainbow then leaned in. “Fine. I’ll tell you. The thing with the Shake Weight is that…” She then whispered the rest of her sentence into Twilight’s ear.

Twilight’s eyes went wide in absolute disbelief, and then she shoved Rainbow Dash away from her.

“AUGH!” Twilight cried. “Rainbow Dash, that’s disgusting! It’s not like that at all!”

“Oh yeah?” Rainbow Dash challenged with a smirk, “Go use that thing in front of a mirror then. I dare you!”

“Fine!” Twilight answered, grabbing the Shake Weight and headed towards her mirror. As she began to use the weight once again, she turned towards Rainbow Dash. “Here I’ll show you that there’s absolutely nothing suggestive-” she turned towards the mirror, “-about this at… all…” She trailed off as she saw herself and the position she was in with the Shake Weight.

The shaking slowed down until it was motionless; and neither was Twilight. She stared at her reflection, dumbfounded at what she had seen herself do.

Rainbow Dash had started to snicker at her friend’s face.

“See?! What did I tell ya?”

Yet Twilight was frozen in place. That is, until Rainbow noticed that her left eyelid had begun to twitch faster and faster with every passing second.

“Uh… Twilight…?” Rainbow asked cautiously, beginning to wonder just how wise it really was to make Twilight aware of what she was laughing at; “Are you okay…?”

PONYVILLE DAILY
Twilight Sparkle: Princess, Student, Arsonist?

In what some citizens of Ponyville call, “another Tuesday,” Princess Twilight Sparkle was seen outside Golden Oak Library rocking back and forth in a feeble position endlessly muttering how “dirty she now feels.” In front of her was an object in flames in what turned out once fire fighters dowsed the fire the increasingly popular Shake Weight.

A close associate of the Princess, Rainbow Dash –Captain of the local Weather Patrol- had said:

“I honestly don’t know what happened. I mean, sure I was mocking her for using the Shake Weight, I then told her that she should look in a mirror while she uses it. Next thing I know she screams at the top of her lungs. She then started yelling at the Shake Weight, I never knew she could swear up a storm like that! She then went outside and set the thing on fire and then she just sat off to the side mumbling to herself. I… uh… sorta feel bad about all this; seeing that I kinda did make her look at herself and uh… yeah…”

Our sources for the Manehatten Stock Exchange have told us that this incident could result in a drop in stock for the company behind the Shake Weight, Tough Pony Enterprises. We have yet to receive any comment from TPE.

Author's Note

I honestly have no explanation for what inspired this. It just happened.

Also, consider this an apology for my lack of updates on Two Oblivious Unicorns. The recent Big Mac comic arc is helping me come up with a couple of things.

RATE AND REVIEW PLEASE!