Replaced

by TheTobacconist

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Pinkie Pie, Discord
Length: 2020

Pinkie Pie worries that Discord is replacing her role in Ponyville.

Pinkie Pie has been the premiere party pony of Ponyville for a long time. Discord is more than happy to lend a hand in party planning, but Pinkie has no desire to be usurped.

Published 2013-10-05 21:00:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-10-05 21:00:03 UTC

Chapter 1

Pinkie Pie looked up from the register at Sugar Cube Corner. She heard a wild beat in the distance, and could see flashing lights down the road. Red and gold lights crisscrossed on the horizon, flickering with the rhythm.

"Mr. Cake!" She yelled, "There's music and lights down the street, and that means there's a party. But I didn't know about the party, so that means I wasn't told. Maybe they didn't know I like parties. But everyone I know knows that I like parties, and I know everyone in Ponyville!"

She breathed heavily, inches away from Mr. Cake's face. He shifted his eyes around, looking for an escape route.

"Eh," Mr. Cake sat down his decorating bag, "Pinkie, where are you going with this?"

"There. Is. A. Party!" Pinkie grit her teeth, "And I wasn't invited."

Pinkie slammed her head down on the counter, and let out a flood of tears. Mr Cake pushed the freshly baked cupcakes out of the way of the waterfall, and placed a light hoof on Pinkie's shoulder. She stopped crying and looked up at him.

"Maybe your invitation was lost?" Mr. Cake suggested.

"You think," Pinkie bit her lower lip, "You think the mailmare forget about me too?"

"Not like that Pinkie," He began sweating and looking around, "These things just happen sometimes."

"Not-for-par-ties," Pinkie Pie tapped a hoof on his chest with every syllable, "Parties always go exactly as planned. Because ponies are always considerate when planning parties. And when you plan in a considerate manner nothing can go wrong."

Mrs. Cake came in through the front door, sorting the mail.

"Bill. Junk mail. Late notice. Alimony." She sifted through the letters.

"What was that last one honeybun?" Mr. Cake asked.

"Anemone," Mrs. Cake answered immediately, "Just an offer from the aquarium."

"The kids would love that," Mr. Cake smiled.

"They're too young for it." She shoved that particular letter into her apron. "Maybe next year, dear."

Mrs. Cake stopped walking inches from Pinkie Pie's mad grin. Pinkie Pie stared at the letters in Mrs. Cake's hoof. Mrs. Cake took a few steps back, and made a weak smile.

"Anything for me?" Pinkie Pie stepped closer, her eyes narrowing down to tiny dots.

"Unmarked?" Mrs. Cake raised up a black envelope with silver trim.

Pinkie Pie snatched it and tore open the flap. She smiled and checked the envelopes contents.

"There's nothing in here," Pinkie Pie pouted pathetically. She dropped it on the floor.

"It's all right, Pinkie," Mr. Cake asserted, "Maybe the 'anemone' letter has the invitation."

"Oh, I seem to have lost it," Mrs. Cake claimed, "Well, no 'anemone' letter for-"

She was interrupted by a blue projection that was emitted from the black envelope on the floor. A blue miniature discord with a wig done in buns now addressed them.

"Greetings and salutations," The projection bowed, "This is an invitation to my house warming party. I have been a resident for quite a while now, but I think it best that I have my own place now. Directions to my new abode are as follows: walk bowlegged towards the horizon until you feel despair, then take a left. Continue until your mind achieves inner piece. Take a right, and crabwalk until you wonder where you put your keys. Then knock on the sun three times. Your destination will be on the left."

"Did anypony write that down?" Pinkie asked.

"You didn't listen did you?" The projection threw up it's arms, "Look, if you want to attend just say yes."

"Yes!" Pinkie yelled.

"No," The projection objected, "You have to say it."

"Yes," Pinkie Pie said.

"No," The projection sighed, "Present tense."

"Yes," Pinkie Pie says.

"Close enough." The discord projection lifted up the envelope, and shoved Pinkie into it. It then tucked the envelope underneath it's arm. It looked back up at the Cakes, and held the envelope wide open, pointed at them, "Did either of you want to come?"

Mr. and Mrs. Cake looked down, jaws wide open, and shook their heads. The projection raised its arm, and pressed its middle finger against its thumb.

"Oh, and before I go," The projection turned to them, "The alimony letter and I really think you guys should get some counseling."

The projection snapped its fingers, and disappeared. Mr. Cake furrowed his brow and stared at his wife.

"I'm pretty sure he meant anemone," She chuckled nervously.

The Discord projection reappeared inside a grand hall. White columns, carved into the shape of various chimeras, held up an arched hardwood panel ceiling. A stone fish rested in the air above gold goblets. The projection dumped Pinkie and dozens of other ponies out of the black envelope and onto the black marble floor.

The small projection highfived Discord and vanished. Discord leaned down and counted the ponies.

"I think we're missing a few guests," He commented.

"Sorry." Pinkie Pie shook a few ponies out of her mane and tail. "So, party?"

"Of course," Discord nodded.

"All right," Pinkie Pie slammed her party canon on the floor, "Streamers?"

"Already there." Discord pointed to the ceiling.

"Cake?" Pinkie asked.

Discord snapped his fingers, and a full buffet table covered in sweets appeared.

"Punch?" Pinkie Pie looked around. "I don't see any punch."

Discord punched the floating stone fish in its face. Punch poured from its open mouth and into the goblets beneath it.

"Music?" Pinkie Pie asked, "Wait, never mind. I hear it."

"Of course," Discord placed his paw on her head and gave her a light noogie, "Just another service provided by your friendly neighborhood chaos god."

Discord swung out of the manor and onto the lawn, joining the rest of his guests. Pinkie Pie observed the surroundings of the grand hall. She spotted a wall hanging. Normally this would not interest her, but it was a bronze carving of Celestia's cutie mark. She jumped when she heard three knocks on the other side of it. She leaned closer, and it swung open on a hinge. Snowflake pulled his large body through the small hole in the wall.

"Oh," Discord poked his head in, "Someone actually followed the directions."

"I have seen the darkest despair," Snowflake spoke flatly, "I have come to know myself, all strengths and all weaknesses. I am injured, but stronger for it."

"There's punch," Discord offered.

"YEAH!" Snowflake dashed off to the stone fish.

"Where in this place anyway?" Twilight Sparkle asked, "Is it some kind of alternate dimension?"

"Not really." Discord shrugged, and walked off to his other guests.

"He's up to something," Pinkie scratched her chin, "This is a house warming party!"

"Yes," Twilight agreed, "The Equestrian Guide to Etiquette says that throwing a house warming party is essential to making friends."

"No, you don't understand," Pinkie Pie grabbed Twilight and shook her, "Discord takes everything literally. When he rolls his eyes he actually rolls them! He probably thinks a house warming party is where you invite everyone you know into a house and set it on fire!"

"He doesn't think that literally," Twilight argued.

"May I take you coat?" Discord offered one guest.

"But I'm not wearing anything," Rose Luck admitted.

Discord pinched her coat at the neck.

"Discord!" Twilight screamed, and turned to Pinkie, "I'll talk to him."

"Be careful how you word it!" Pinkie Pie yelled behind her.

"Hey Pinkie," Rainbow Dash walked up to Pinkie, "Having fun?"

"Yes," Pinkie Pie pouted, "I guess. Are you?"

"Of course," Rainbow Dash exclaimed, "This is the best party I've ever been to."

"Best. Party." Pinkie Pie's ears emitted steam, she pointed an accusing hoof at Rainbow Dash. "Even better than a Pinkie Pie Party?"

"I didn't mean it like that," Rainbow dash denied, "Don't read into it so much."

"You know what?" Pinkie Pie stopped up her ears and walked off, head held high, "I'm going to find someone who appreciates my parties."

Pinkie walked into a long foreleg. Princess Celestia looked down at her.

"Are you all right?" She asked.

"I'm fine," Pinkie dusted herself off.

"Here." Celestia shoved a scroll into Pinkie Pie's hoof, "Read that. The lesson your'e learning today? Your letter does not need to look like this one. I want an actual complete letter when you learn your lesson. Not. Anything. Like. This."

Pinkie Pie nodded.

"Discord!" Celestia walked off. "Give that mare back her coat this instant!"

"Fine," Discord snapped his fingers, and Rose Luck stopped screaming.

"Apologize," Celestia ordered.

"I was just trying to take her coat," Discord argued, "That etiquette book Twilight gave me insisted that was proper conduct for a host."

"No, just no," Celestia turned to Twilight, "Why did you think giving him a book would be a good idea?"

"It was just a book," Twilight objected, "I thought they were always good things."

"Right, of course," Celestia turned back to Discord, "And what exactly do you think a house warming party is?"

"Well, you get a house," Discord counted off on his fingers, "Invite over a bunch of friends."

"Continue," Celestia rolled a hoof over.

"And then you burn the house down," Discord said proudly, "The book really didn't have anything on how to burn the house down, but I'm creative."

"Twilight." Celestia raised a hoof over her face. "Fix your mess, I'm going home."

"I knew it!" Pinkie screamed, "I knew you had nefariously nefarious plans!"

"Pinkie Pie." Discord pulled an arrow from his heart. "There was nothing nefariously nefarious about my plans at all. And that is the honestly honest truth."

"No." Pinkie Pie jabbed an accusing hoof at him. "You're trying to replace me. I know it! But I'm the perfect premiere party pony of Ponyville, and no one is going to take that away from me!"

"Well, Pinkie," Discord shrugged, "There's only one way to settle this."

"Agreed." Pinkie nodded.

"Guys?" Twilight looked back and forth between them. "What is this about again?"

"A dapper off," Discord suggested.

"A dapper off," Pinkie agreed, "Da dapperiest dang dapper dapperer determines Ponyville's premiere party pony."

"No." Twilight put her hoof down, "Pinkie, Discord can't even be that. He's a draconequus, not a pony."

"Also, we should probably do something about the timer." Discord scratched his neck. "Its set to go off any second now."

"What timer?" Twilight asked.

"The house warming timer," Discord admitted.

"And when you say house warming," Twilight gulped, "You mean..."

Discord grinned sheepishly.

"Everyone out!" Twilight screamed.

"The door there," Discord yelled, "Everyone out."

"Can't we just go out the front door?" Twilight asked.

"I set this place in a pocket dimension," Discord explained, "The whole place would burn."

Dozens of ponys stumbled through the door, falling on top of each other on the other side. Fluttershy set her book down, and stared at the pileup of ponys in her living room. One at the bottom of the pile waved weakly at her.

"Discord." She looked at him as he snaked around the entire pile. "What is going on?"

"Well I read a lot about parties, and thought I could do a two for one," Discord smiled, "I'm coming out of the closet!"

"Discord." Fluttershy turned red. "That doesn't mean what you think it means."

"Really?" Discord seemed surprised. "Things rarely do. What does it mean?"

Pinkie Pie pushed a few ponies off of her, and leaned up to whisper in Discord's ear, "No, you throw the party after they come out of the closet."

"Oh," Discord frowned, "Well, we're not doing that. And shame on all of you for coming out of the closet at once. It's going to be hard to plan parties for all of you."

"You know what," Pinkie pushed her way out of the pile, "I'm done, just done worrying about this. I'm just going to go home, write a mandatory letter, appreciate that my partys always have a low body count, and just remind myself that my parties are better."

Pinkie Pie stormed out the front door. Everyone in the pile looked up at Discord. Discord scratched his goat beard thoughtfully.

"Do you think she was mad about something?" He asked.