In Which Things Get Blown To Smithereens
Why Yes. Yes I Am.
Quick Author’s Note
Please listen to these two songs before you read this or else anything in this story won’t make sense.
Ruffneck (FULL Flex)
Start
The Warehouse, Equestria's most popular nightclub, is the favourite place of many ponies to hang out after work. Run by the elusive "Pinkamena", all who didn't break the rules were welcome to go and escape for a moment from their daily lives. There was only one rule however:
Party and drink until you're wasted.
Particularly on this night in the cold, snowy nights of December, one intoxicated pony made her way home after one of her most successful shows yet. This pony was known throughout Ponyville and Manehattan as a up-and-coming electronic music producer. To her adoring fans she was known as DJ Pon3 but to herself she was just Vinyl Marina Scratch, a DJ living from paycheck to paycheck. As she trotted down the streets of Manehattan in high spirits, her forehoof suddenly struck something in the snow. Curious, Vinyl moved the snow around so that she could see what it was. For some reason there was a Hay-pod (a popular MP3 player made by Apple-Buckingtosh) turned on in the snow when it should have malfunctioned from the cold. She picked it up with her magic, intending to look at the Hay-pod for evidence of an owner but the first thing she saw was its storage of music. There was only one song on it: "Ruffneck (FULL Flex)", by a "Skrillex" classified under "Electroglitch." Although Vinyl had been performing for at least two years by this point she had never heard of this "Skrillex", or this "electroglitch." Her mixes usually consisted of house and straight-up electro. Now she was conflicted. On one hand she knew she should return the Hay-pod to its owner but on the other hand this "Ruffneck" song was increasingly tempting to listen to, her being an audiophile. She checked the Hay-pod once more and, not finding any owner information, decided to rush home to get her equipment.
..................... ........................................
Stumbling into her home, still intoxicated, Vinyl moved to the nearest set of turntables she could find.
Now, before we get back to Ms. Scratch's quest to listen to Skrillex and his electroglitch, there are a few things you need to know. That weekend Vinyl's friends, Broken Record, Skippy Beats, and Octavia Philharmonica decided to move a high-quality set of turntables, 12 large subwoofers, a high quality microphone and, for some strange reason, a pair of fuzzy dice to her place.
They wanted her to test the sound system before they moved it again the next day. On the lowest volume setting the resulting sonic blast was heard from the Manehattan suburbs (where Vinyl lived) to Manehattan downtown, and straight down into the Manehattan subways system. Before Vinyl left the home for her show that night Skippy Beats decided to turn the volume on maximum for every single thing in her house as a prank.
Suffice to say, this isn't going to end well.
Vinyl plugged in the Hay-pod, clicked the song, and started to listen. For some reason it was awfully loud...
Though melodic. Very melodic.
Even though the music was relaxing it had an energetic flowing beat to it.
"Are you ready for the Ruffneck Bass?"
Hm. Okay.
"Are you ready for the Ruffneck Bass?"
Sure. This is pretty cool.
"Are you ready for the Ruffneck Bass?"
Why yes.
"Are you ready for the Ruffneck Bass?"
Yes.
"Are you ready for the-"
The bass drops and so does Vinyl's jaw. At this point she's drooling.
The resulting blast could be heard all over Equestria as she unknowingly yells into her mic...
YESH OH MAH GAWD!
.............................................
-Canterlot Castle-
Luna was in night court and she was truly pissed off. The young colt in font of her was constantly bombarding her with the demands of a democracy. Ridiculous. She and Celestia were perfectly fine tyran<*cough cough*>Oh-so-loving and caring Princesses.
(Don't kill me Celestia, I'm just the narrator.)
She was so pissed off she started to talk in the Royal Canterlot Voice.
"Be silent knave. We shall not listen to your insolence anymore. A democracy shall never happen. Thou are condem-"
YESH OH MAH GAWD!
Then silence. Everypony in the grand hall had their jaws dropped on the floor.
Something just silenced the Royal Canterlot Voice.
"..."
Cheers started to ring out in the halls as everypony yelled
"Celestia's/Molestia's/Trollestia's/Student Incestia's/Wincestia's rule is OVER!"
In a panic Luna ran to her half-sister's room.
"Tia! Tia! We have a huge problem!"
"What the hay is it Luna? It's four o'clo-"
"Something just silenced the Royal Canterlot Voice."
"..."
"..."
"Dear sister, I think it's time for us to pack our bags and get the hell outta here."
"What? Why?"
"You know all those ponies I sent to the moon because they didn't like bananas? Yeah. We're fucked."
"Can we go somewhere without baseballs?"
............................................
-Ponyville Library-
Twilight Sparkle was up late cleaning her library. After 6 hours of checklists, painstaking book organization, and abusing Spike she was finally done.
"There, I finally finished cleaning up the librar-"
YESH OH MAH GAWD!
The resulting sonic boom shook everything out of their place.
"Motherfucker."
...........................................................
-Sweet Apple Acres-
Applejack was up late and she was pissed. Really pissed. Her parents came by only once a month at ungodly hours, had the nerve to tap her awake, and then run off with weird expressions on their faces somepony called a "trollface." She was so mad she wanted to buck some apples just because she could. Finishing the last of her bottle of Applejack Daniels, her namesake because apparently her parents got drunk over a bottle (or five) of the stuff and got married, she trotted over to the plantation she got ready to buck until-
YESH OH MAH GAWD!
The strong, insanely powerful sonic boom knocked every single apple off their tree and turned them into ZappApples.
"Nevermind then...gee, what have I been smoking?"
...........................................................................
-Outside Vinyl's House-
"Just as planned."
With the master vocal sample recorded, the being named Skrillex slinked away in the darkness, hopping back into his dimensional portal to make his next hit single.
..............................................................................
-Rest of Equestria and surrounding areas-
The next day the extent of the damage was shown around Equestria. Everypony had some form of bruise on their flank (TrampStamp! somepony yelled.), Rarity's boutique collapsed from the vocal waves of awesomeness, Pinkamena's twin sister Pinkie was found dead while baking cupcakes, Fluttershy wasn't shy anymore and started to be a bitch so everyone now calls her Flutterbitch, Rainbow Dash slept in a tree because her cloudhouse got destroyed by the sonic blast of Vinyl's Subwoofers, and many towns found their buildings destroyed. Equestria's Princesses disappeared and a democracy formed in their place.
And that kids is how Celestia/Molestia/Trollestia/Student Incestia/Wincestia and Luna started living underneath your bed.
...............................................................................................
-One week later-
Vinyl trotted home, exhausted. After the night of chaos that was Ruffneck Bass she decided to start previewing all her music with her headphones and not out loud. Her hoof coincidentally hit something in the snow again. A Hay-pod. She could tell somehow that this was hers, especially because it had a note saying "From Skrillex" on the back. She plugged her earphones in and started to listen to a song called "Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites".
The description said that it was inspired by two ponies that lived underneath his bed for a week. Strange, Vinyl thought.
It was pretty cool until she got to a part in the song:
"YESH OH MAH GAWD!"
With a quick thought she finished listening to the song and left the Hay-pod on a park bench.
"Strange. That sounded just like me."
Vinyl walked into the sunset.
End
Author's Note
Author here. Thanks so much for taking the time out of your day to read this fiction I wrote in two hours on a iPod on my snowday. This is actually my very first fanfiction. So.
Disclaimers: I do not own anything except the storyline of this fic. Ponies belong to Lauren Faust and Hasbro. I just troll them by writing this. Skippy Beats and Broken Record are my own characters just for this fic. Hay-pods are inspired by iPods, created by Apple. I do not own any of the concepts created by Apple. I do however, own Apple products. (So don’t sue me please.)
I’m not hating on any pony/person mentioned in this fic, just poking fun at him/her.
There are two intentional references in this story to two other of my favourite fics; whoever can name them gets a virtual sugar cookie.
I wrote this because I felt that I had to give back to the community. If you could kindly critique my writing that’s greatly appreciated. Flames are accepted and will be used shortly after to roast some marshmallows I have.
[ 23/10/2013 Edit: Welp. I definetly didn't deserve as many views as I got. The jokes in here are long dead/overused. Have a nice day reader :) ]
