King Sombra's Robotic Retaliation [CANCELLED]

by Darrtaa

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Human, Other, Lyra, Princess Luna, Comedy, King Sombra, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Gore
Length: 30568

King Sombra and Gray Mann join forces to become the most fearsome force Equestria has ever seen, and it's up to Lyra and RED Team to stop them!

Part 1: Lyra's Pyro Predicament
Part 2: Twilight's Demoman Devastation
Part 3: King Sombra's Robotic Retaliation

King Sombra was soundly defeated by Princess Cadance and Shining Armor almost a year ago, and the Crystal Empire was free. Now, after a teleportation mishap, a lone Engineer from Gray Mann's massive robotic army has found itself in the mountains just on the border of the Empire with one task in mind: complete the experimental Lvl. 4 Teleporter and bring the robotic forces to Equestria...but what other dark forces might be laying dormant in those caves?

Published 2013-10-05 22:00:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-08-15 00:09:04 UTC

Chapter 1: Electric Boogaloo

Disclaimer: I don't own My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic or any of the characters, nor do I own Team Fortress 2 or any of its characters. I do, however, own Copper Head.

Lyra was worried, worried a lot, worried more than she usually was on her favorite picnic spot. She nudged the woven basket forward a bit, sighing as she looked over at the fire for the tea she had magically lit. Lyra was a pony, a unicorn you see, she was happy, polite, and green as can be. The only part of her that was different colors was her Cutie Mark that set her apart from the others; a lyre of gold adorned either of her flanks that advertised her talent, which she owed much thanks. Her yellow eyes swiveled down at her clock as time past, first it had gone slowly but now it was too fast.

"It's not like him to be this late, I hope he hasn't met with some terrible fate." The young mare huffed as she lied down on her towel, the waiting and wondering started to make her scowl. She looked out at the world she found herself in and felt the warm grass tickling her chin. Pyroland was good at that, being warm and bright, and everyone got long with hardly any fights. The sun was slowly setting in the west and Lyra had yet to see her special guest. She looked left and then all the way to the right, but nothing that resembled her friend met her sight.

Suddenly her ears perked up from a sound, followed quickly by her head as she looked all around. Sure enough, from over the rise, came a bipedal creature of considerable size. "Pyro! I've been waiting here since two! I had though- dear Celestia, what happened to you!?"

The way Pyro carried himself was slumped over and pained, and the Pyroland in his wake looked dead and drained. He was laughing weakly (it was more like wheezing) as he walked towards her, stumbling as his joints started seizing. Confetti and balloons seemed to spurt from the openings in his bright red suit, and he fell with a thud as his foot caught a root. Lyra was at his side with a quick trot, as Pyro mumbled from behind his black mask: "It really hurts to get shot…"

-x-x-X-x-x-

"Yes, I'll have those troop assignments from my brother finalized before I talk to Princess Luna later this evening about a new star cluster she had in mind. Oh, and Princess Celestia needs to get together with Princess Cadance sometime before next week, now, I have some important business to attend to."

"As you say, Princess Twilight," the gold-clad unicorn said with a quick salute before turning away down the hall as the door closed behind him magically. Twilight stopped for a moment as she let the word "Princess" hang in the now silent room, she still couldn't believe that she was ACTUALLY an Alicorn now! Although it had been a few months since her coronation she was still having a hard time letting that fact sink in. She put a hoof to her chest and then pointed it straight ahead as she exhaled, she needed to focus on her next task; reading all of the new books she now had access to.

"It is something that needs to get done, and I'm sure I can learn all sorts of wonderful things from these great books." Twilight's lavender horn lit up with a similar-colored aura as the mountain of pre-Canterlot books before her rose into the air and began to open their dusty bindings. Twilight's deep purple eyes lit up as she sat down on her rump, her star cluster Cutie Mark on either flank tinkling. The hair on her dark sapphire tail and mane with purple and pink streaks started billowing slightly as the young goddess flipped through multiple books at once with lightning speed.

During the whirlwind of paper and the like, Twilight's gaze found its way over to a small, framed picture that she had on her nightstand. Hurricane Paperback died down as she walked over to the frozen moment in time; it was a picture of her and her five best friends she had left back in Ponyville. Twilight smiled, remembering all of the fun adventures they had together as she thought about how they all might be doing. Well, she would be able to ask them that and more when she saw them next week, but for now, the youngest princess needed to perform her Royal Duties appointed to her as the paper and book tornado resumed.

"Ah-ha! This one looks interesting; 'How to Properly Construct a List of Royal Duties'." Twilight calmed the paper storm as she laid down on her stomach, since her sides and back were off limits now that she had a pair of unruly wings that still refused to obey their master, and cracked open the centuries old book with a puff of dust.

Princess Twilight wrapped her sparkling crown and Element of Harmony off of her egghead and placed it up on one of the shelves before turning back to her hardcover friend. Recently, Princess Celestia was having a hard time remembering something she had scribbled down some couple hundred years ago that she wanted to show Luna, so she ordered the extraction of all books, parchment, scrolls, and tomes from the Everfree Castle's vault and for them to be placed in Twilight's personal library for sorting (Twilight's idea). Since Twilight didn't have dominion over any celestial bodies yet, and Cadance was busy running an empire with Twilight's brother, Shining Armor, Twilight was the best and only willing candidate for such a task.

Hours past, as the "Finished" pile of books grew larger, only a few scrolls and small journals remained…along with a strange chest. The lavender princess shuffled forwarded as she inspected the mysterious chest; it looked important, seeing as how it was dyed blue wood and brilliantly crafted metal making up its frame. Upon turning it around to where the lock was located, Twilight Sparkle suddenly realized who's this was, the crescent moon over a dark patch of space was identical to the Cutie Mark that Princess Luna was famous for (besides the whole "Evil Moon Goddess" thing).

The "Castles and Casters" player in the young deity got the better of her for a moment. 'This could be a mimic that has been hiding in the old castle and the guards just didn't notice. I better approach this carefully.' Twilight quickly formed one of her book forts and prepared to combat the potentially diabolical chest…

"What in Celestia's name am I doing?"

Embarrassed yet thankful that nopony saw that, the blushing Element of Magic dispersed her fortress of parchment as fast as it had been constructed before turning her sights, and magic, on the lock before her. 'Should I being doing this? It looks like Luna made sure nopony would be able to access whatever's in here…well, she and Celestia DID look over everything before it was given to me…' With her brilliant mind made up, Twilight finished off the mystical tumblers as the chest swung open and a black veil shot out and wrapped around her head.

"MIMIC! Get it off get it off get it off!" Twilight wrestled and flailed but only managed to get more tangled up in its clutches! She struggled more as the creature's cloth-like skin brushed against her face and the smell of soot reached her snout. She managed to relax and pull the beast off of her, only to find something that resembled the cloak Rarity made when she thought that she might have to leave Ponyville forever. "Oh! It was just a coat, thank goodness I-"

*BAM*

"GET AWAY FROM THE PRINCESS, CRIMINAL SCUM!"

"EEEK! Wedge, you scarred me!"

"I- huh? You screamed, what happen?" the increasingly confused guard asked slowly as his blue eyes scanned the entirety of the room for anything potentially threatening to his shocked princess. Convinced that everything was in order, and that he seriously needed to cut back on the caffeine during these boring graveyard shifts, Wedge bowed apologetically and backed quietly out of the room once again closing the door behind him. Twilight let out a sigh of relief as she slowly slid down on her hunches.

'I forgot I can't be as loud as I could at the library without a guard thinking I'm being attacked,' she though as she unconsciously placed a hoof over her mouth. With her wits returning to her, Twilight decided to brave the chest once more, this time opening the lid much more slowly than before. The inside of the dark blue container was untouched by dust and everything inside seemed as pristine as the day it was sealed; a small mirror, a few notebooks, a small wind-up toy rat…and something glowing? Twilight's curiosity overrode the little nerdy voice in her head telling her that she hadn't performed an arcane check yet as she reached in and produced a shining, golden key.

The Element of Magic wrapped the tool in her lavender aura and turned it over and over while scratching the soft fur on her chin. "What is this for I wonder? Its far too big to fit the lock, maybe it- hmm?" Twilight felt a tug on the key, only to find a long, black thread that had gotten wrapped around the teeth that trailed back to the sneak-attack jacket where a piece of folded parchment had fallen from one of the deep pockets. Princess Twilight sat herself down next to the deceptively dormant cloak and opened the folded paper to find…a bunch of doodles with some numbers scribbled beside them? Before she could further investigate what appeared to be drawings that could be found on Cheerilee's chalkboard, Twilight was graced by the presence of her mentor and sun goddess: Princess Celestia.

"Good evening, Twilight," the tall, white Alicorn said with a smile. Twilight curtsied as the age-old deity elegantly trotted in, her golden horseshoes clinking ever so slightly as both they, and her gold neck piece, twinkled. Her multicolored, ethereal mane billowed around her in the solar wind coming from her sun, which was also her Cutie Mark. "My, I see somepony was busy. Did you manage to find what I asked?"

"I think so, but, I wanted to ask about this chest I found." Celestia's ears perked as her magenta eyes followed her student's hoof over towards the open chest.

"I haven't seen that chest in what feels like an eternity. If I remember correctly, this is the 'secret chest' Luna had back when my father was still on the throne…" The graceful wings upon her back ruffled slightly as she drifted fondly away into her vast memory.

Twilight's mouth slowly opened as did her eyes. "A King Starforge-era chest? Th-This must be THOUSANDS of years of years old! I'm so sorry I opened it! I should have asked you or Luna- I mean Princess Luna!"

"Twilight, it's okay! That was just one of many that we had back when Luna and I were fillies, that one was Luna's favorite so she painted it to separate it from the others." Twilight's breathing returned to normal at the reassuring words of her longtime teacher. 'Honestly, she's almost as bad as those historical society ponies I have breaking down my door every time they find one of my old brushes…'

Celestia shook her head ever so slightly as her familiar smile graced her features. "Thank you for finding that old journal for me, Twilight. Now, it's getting rather late and we're going to busy these next few weeks with the Crystal Fair just around the corner."

Twilight nodded with a smile as the solar deity turned, journal in hoof, and headed back down the hall towards her own magnificent quarters. Twilight sleepily trotted over to her own bed with a yawn when she suddenly realized something; just what exactly was Celestia looking for in that book? Unfortunately, she was too tired to pursue the thought for much longer as the seductive call of her bed became irresistible and the sleepy mare dozed off for the rest of the night in peace…little did she known this would be the last peaceful night's rest she would have for a long time.

-x-x-X-x-x-

" TELEPORTER COMPLETION AT SIXTY FOUR PERCENT. TELEPORTER IS EIGHTEEN WEEKS BEHIND SCHEDULE. DANG-NABBIT DANGIT!"

The Robo-Engie was not happy about the rate of progress it had been making on its pet project, well, it couldn't actually FEEL whether or not it was actually happy about the progress, but all of the data that it had been gathering about human emotions (in order to manipulate them) dictated that it should be furious. Even with extremely limited resources and having been the first robot in all of Gray's robot army to even attempt a lvl. 4 Teleporter, progress hadn't been ideal. Just as it had been doing hour after hour, day after day, it calibrated the servos in its arm and brought down its wrench on the pinpoint location on the blue, metal casing as the sharp "clang" reverberated throughout the damp cave the task-obsessed robot had holed up in ever since its teleporter mishap some odd months ago.

Suddenly, the metallic texan paused as a binary line of code labeled "thought.exe" crossed through its processor, something that it hadn't thought possible: what of it hit the teleporter harder? It was just crazy enough to cause irreversible damage and possibly work. Maybe. It unnecessarily tightened its already iron grip on the battered wrench and, adding a marginal amount of force, brought the all-purpose tool down on the cross-shaped tele-pad with a loud "CLANG!"

" EXPERIMENT TO INCREASE PRODUCTIVITY HAS FAILED. COMMENCING SELF-DESTRUCT IN THREE…TWO…"

Just then, before the explosive egg timer reached zero, the previously statuesque lvl. 4 Teleporter began to jerk and sputter with blue sparks of energy as a blue disk of light formed above it and expanded well beyond that of any previous incarnation before stabilizing at a radius that could easily encompass one of the great Carrier Tanks.

COUNTDOWN ABORTED. TASK COMPLETED. REQUESTING NEW ORDERS FROM GRAY GRAVEL CO. HELLO, HELLO. THIS IS ENGINEER NUMBER FORTY TWO REQUESTING ASSISTANCE FROM NEAREST ROBOT COMMANDER. HELLO."

The Engie-Bot waited with what could possibly be considered "hope" for several minutes before a weak signal finally crackled over its radio. "HELLO? THIS IS SERGEANT CRITS RECEIVING, STATE YOUR BUSINESS OR GET BACK TO WORK."

" THIS IS ENGINEER BOT NUMBER FORTY TWO. LVL. 4 TELEPORTER HAS BEEN COMPLETED. REQUESTING FURTHER ORDERS."

"LISTEN, NUMB-BOLTS, THIS CHANNEL IS FOR CRITICAL INFORMATION EXCHANGE ONLY, NOT FOR FAILED PROJECTS THAT WE GAVE UP OVER A YEAR FOR MORE HAT SPACE. BESIDES, THE ENGINEER THAT WAS WORKING ON THAT DESIGN WENT MISSING AND…IGNORE WHAT I JUST SAID, SENDING TEST SCOUTS TO YOUR LOCATION NOW."

-x-x-X-x-x-

Lyra patched Pyro up right even though he assured her that he was alright. The green mare slumped against a candy-colored tree, looking over at Pyro and uttering, "What would you do without me?"

The firebug chuckled as he clutched his hurt arm. "I would certainly be suffering from more grievous harm. But Lyra I'm worried when you're done fixing me your magic is gone, and I fear that it may not return before too long. Let the Medic be the one to heal my body, he does good work, no matter how shotty."

Ms. Heartstrings was a little dismayed at the uncharacteristic coldness her friend had suddenly displayed. She knew that her magical healing wasn't the best but she never once thought she'd be regarded as a pest! Lyra crossed her forelegs with a pout as she flicked her tail and scrunched up her snout. "I just think SOMEPONY should have more self-preservation, 'don't get shot' shouldn't be an astounding revelation." The red-clad arsonist looked down at the mare as a few happy kitties flew through the air; Pyro knew that he was reckless and brash, but he needed to be to rack in the big cash.

"Lyra," Pyro said with a start, "I have to help my team and do my part. When I got fired then rehired to fight against bots, I was one of the few who could stop their evil hat-selling plots. Protecting Mann Co. is what I must do…but it makes it all worth while when I get to come back to see you."

"Aww, you're so sweet, but I feel kinda bad, won't you being here make your other friends jealous or mad?" Lyra said as she turned to look around the colorful tree to see her human friend warming some tea.

"Friends? HAH! Lyra, surely you jest, those other guns for hire are just like the rest: they fear what they don't understand, and for all they know my blood runs white like the sand. I once tried talking to them without my rebreather, but Scout saw me first and thought I was a hell-forged reaver. You're my only real friend and don't ever forget it, because if anyone ever tries to hurt you, I'll make them regret it."

The green unicorn's mind was suddenly filled with thoughts of fire and flame as the image of the Infernal Imp ran rampant through her brain. She shuddered a little, somewhat scared, but her friend was in control and she was prepared. Pyro had taught her how to protect those around her in the name of truth and might should she ever be thrown into an unavoidable fight.

The arsonist was suddenly up like a shot. "I need to return, I'll be fired if I'm not!" He gathered his gear quick as a flash and sprinted back down the hill with a dash.

Lyra jumped up. "Wait, come back! Take me with you, I can pick up the slack!" The enthusiastic pony broke into a sprint, her loaded up saddlebags clinking side to side as she went. She caught up to Pyro faster than expected…only to see that she was about to be rejected.

"I can't let you do that," he said with his gloved hand in the air, "the place I'm going is far too dangerous for a mare. I know you think you could fit in with my ranks, but you wouldn't be any use against bots, let alone tanks." Seeing how hurt and angry Lyra had become, he got down to her level and booped her head with his thumb. "I'm sure I seem as mean as the Horsemann with out a head, but my situation's different since I don't stay dead. I would love nothing more than to have you on my team, but alas it is only a dream."

Lyra brushed away a tear, not wanting to look at Pyro as she plopped down on her rear. She knew that she might just get in the way, but the mare didn't want him leaving if she had to stay. The mint green Equestrian looked up with sorrow. "Do you think you could visit tomorrow?"

Pyro sighed, "I can certainly try, but only if you promise that you won't cry. Just remember that I can always hear when you speak or sing, so long as you wear…

-x-x-X-x-x-

"…zat diamond ring is going to look so beautiful on ze hand of my petite fleur if you don't GET UP YOU SIMPLETON!"

The leather glove that contained the angry Frenchman's hand did little to buffer the impact of his palm slamming into the side of Pyro's mask. "Huddah!? Mhmmmhm!" Pyro muffled angrily as he stood, coming mask to balaclava with the annoyed French alarm clock as he tapped his spats against the dusty, worn down wooden floor.

"Don't give me zat tone, you mute freak. What are you doing just laying around in ze middle of ze room? We have robots to destroy!" the Spy barked as he spun on his heels and rushed to the door. Pyro, still rubbing his cheek, peered out at the agent of espionage opening the door as the thunderous roar of the battle raging outside rapidly grew louder, the metal gate opening just enough for the now cloaked Spy to dash through before sealing itself again.

Pyro groaned as he stood, stretching out all of his aches after laying on the dusty floor for the time that he did certainly took its toll, especially since he had been resting on his propane tank again. After deciding not to entertain the idea of simply filling an air mattress with propane any longer than he already had, the crimson fire-starter moseyed over to the counter of the Upgrade Station and was greeted with a menu of potential enhancements for both he and his array of weaponry.

The Upgrade Station, through means which Pyro never really cared to inquire about, was able to boost any weapon beyond its normal limits and grant new abilities to some. The Station was also able to increase physical performance of the class wielding said weapons and even bring them back from death's tacky old door for the right price. While the machines worked their dark, science-y magic on Pyro's trusty flamethrower, the sharp pain in his side reminded him that the canteen that had dug into his hip while he was down needed to be filled. The pyromancer unceremoniously tossed the militarist canteen over the counter and purchased the "Refill Ammo" charge. Pyro grumbled, only having enough partially burnt money to buy one of the three charges, and that was one of the cheaper charges too.

The bipedal salamander's day got a little brighter as his flamethrower was returned to him, and with its burn duration and max ammo upgraded, he was going to make everyone else's day just as violently bright. However, upon exiting onto the fake Mann Co. facility Soldier had managed to build out in the middle of nowhere (which was impressive since it was actually further out in the middle of nowhere than they usually found themselves) the blazing sun combined with the various muzzle flashes was already doing a fine job of causing temporary blindness.

"OI!" came a voice as Pyro took his first few steps onto the dusty battlefield. "What're ya doing all the way back here? You should be up in front with- CRIKEY!" Sniper suddenly ducked as a bullet bored into the wooden beam just above his head. The Australian marksman was back up in a second with his trusty sniper rifle aimed down range where the bullet had come from. "Steady, steady…*BANG* Take THAT, ya bloody fruit shop owners!"

Sniper, a slender bushman from the most hazardous parts of the Outback, brushed a few beads of sweat from under his brown Aussie hat and adjusted his glasses. He slipped a few more .308 rounds from his vest and loaded them into his trusty sniper rifle. Pyro had mixed feelings about Sniper; on one hand, he was by far the best for taking down other Snipers and just about anything else at long-range, but on the other, he was next to useless in close quarters and made himself even more vulnerable by giving himself a wicked case of tunnel vision whenever he looked down his scope…and made him a sitting duck for those accursed Spies.

The flame-retardant mute got the all-clear from the Sniper and rushed ahead across the rickety bridge towards the central building where the sounds of combat were most prominent. As Pyro rounded the corner, he suddenly had to whip back around to avoid a hailstorm of shrapnel that pelted the wooden shack.

"IS THAT ALL YOU'VE GOT, YOU SORRY EXCUSES FOR TRASHCANS!?"

Pyro rolled his eyes under his tinted goggles as the reason for all of the uproar emerged from the fog of hat-based war; Soldier. Soldier, or "Jane Doe" as he referred to himself, brushed off bits of scrap and dust from his bright-red jacket as he cocked the spent shell from his shotgun. He tilted his battered army helmet up from over his eyes as a sneer covered his grizzled features. "Pyro! Just what in the name of Bablo Biggins are you doing standing still like congress instead of out there fighting like a bureaucratic raccoon!?"

"Huddah hmrmm mhmm mphm, huddah huddah huddah (mhmm mphmm) mmmhm mm mmphm," Pyro explained.

"I see! Well, back to the front!" Pyro instinctively took a large step back as the All-American lunatic flipped his primary rocket launcher over his right shoulder before performing the brilliant stunt of hopping slightly and then firing a rocket at his own feet. The red rocketeer soared like a potato filled with helium before plummeting deep into the fray with bullets and explosives flying up to meet him, leaving Pyro behind to contemplate why on earth he ever thought that copying that tactic with his Detonator was a good-

*CLANG* "HEY, HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY A HAT? ALSO, PREPARE TA' DIE."

Pyro felt the cold, hard, metal make a solid hit against his temple as he tumbled through the air and crashed into the ground. The pyromancer shook his head in an attempt to halt the spinning as he shakily got to his feet to face his assailant/sales representative. The Scout-Bot's movements in relation to the genuine article was uncanny, as was its appearance. It sported the same trappings as the Boston baserunner only in cold metal and cogs as opposed to cotton and skin. The only things that were probably the most accurate were the dog tags, the bat with a Pyro-sized dent in it, and the thermal-nuclear bomb strapped to its back.

"Muh-mo..."

-x-x-X-x-x-

Princess Luna loved clear nights. Sure, sometimes it was necessary for storm clouds to block out the sky, but even so, why would anypony want to hide such a beautiful sight? Luna looked endlessly up at the various star clusters and constellations that she and her father had formed aeons ago. Luna and her father had always been close, and as she looked on, she wondered just where in the universe her parents had gone and what they might be doing.

She sighed, her star-studded mane and tail billowing around her. The lights all throughout the surrounding countryside dimmed as the moon rose higher in the night sky. The dark blue alicorn levitated her mug and took a sip of her calming herbal tea before stretching out and hearing her deceptively ancient joints pop.

"Ohhh…I don't care WHAT anypony else says, not wearing clothes is far superior to any form of garment."

"I whole-heartedly agree, but the maids would stage a coup if we didn't wear our jewelry."

"EEP!" The lunar goddess jumped as she quickly wrapped her mug in a deep blue aura to keep it from spilling. "Celly! I didn't hear you come out. Why are you still up? Shouldn't you be resting for your 'I'm-going-to-be-so-busy-I-might-turn-into-Solar-Flare-just-to-get-out-of-it' week?"

The sun deity's magenta irises did a full lap inside her eyes before clamping shut as a golden horseshoe pressed against her forehead in a feeble attempt to relieve stress. "Moving on," Celestia mumbled loudly. "Do you remember how I sent for all of our old journals from the Everfree Fortress?"

Thoughts of having to grant approval for more books than she ever had since well before her little "time out" on her own moon came flooding back into her mind. "Yes, I remember that vividly. I still don't fully comprehend why you made the guards, and myself, suffer through that."

"Trust me, Lulu, there was a reason; this little notebook right here." With that, the small notebook Twilight had managed to uncover floated over in front of the night princess and flopped open to a certain page. Luna's cyan eyes widened as she saw the illustration and her mouth fell agape. "You see, Luna, I think HE is the original cause for all of those magical disturbances we've been detecting as of late."

-x-x-X-x-x-

" LVL. 4 TELEPORTER IS OPERATING AT NOMINAL LEVELS. YOUR HAULS APPEAR UNDAMAGED BY THE PROCESS. YOUR INTERNAL CIRCUITS APPEAR TO BE ALTERED, ARE YOU CORRUPTED MODELS?"

"EEEW! I DON'T WANT YOUR SCANNERS ANYWHERE NEAR ME! ONLY REASON WE'RE IN THIS DANK CAVE IS 'CAUSE THE SERGEANT WAS ON THE WARPATH AND FORCED US INTO SOME BROKEN-ASS TELEPORTER."

"YEAH, AND WHILE WE'RE STUCK HERE, ALL THE OTHER SCOUT BOTS ARE GONNA SNATCH UP WHAT'S LEFT OF THE FEMME BOTS! THE REALLY HOT ONES GOT DISCONTINUED YA' KNOW! "

The Engie-Bot's processors were having a hard time trying to keep up with what its dual optical sensors were relaying to them: the Sergeant had sent these two Scout-Bots with abnormal programming to test the new teleporter? It scanned the two again, attempting to find the source of their malfunction when Engie-Bot discovered multiple new software signals streaming from the drivers stored under their metal ball caps.

" YOUR PROGRAMMING IS NON-STANDARD AND IS AFFECTING YOUR PEAK EFFICIENCY. PREPARE TO BE DISMANTLED."

"WHADDA MEAN BY THAT!? WAIT A MINUTE, WHY ARE YA' STILL BEEPIN' WHEN YOU- OHHH. I THINK I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED…"

"YOU DON'T THINK…THIS CLUNKER DIDN'T GET THE 2.0 UPGRADE, DID IT?" The two robotic recon runners stared at each other while the bionic builder attempted to reduce them to scrap with its wrench, but was halted by an outstretched, hydraulic hand clasping its goggles. "HUH, I GUESS THAT EXPLAINS WHY THE SERGEANT MADE ME LUG THIS THING ALONG." The Scout-Bot that wasn't busy holding back the aged Engie-Bot reached into its steel pack and produced a mining helmet with a large bulb on the front. In one swift motion, the bolted ball-player knocked the titanium Texan's hat off its cold head before slamming down the new one.

" W-WHAT? WHAT'D Y'ALL DO TA' ME?" Robo-Engie 2.0 said as it staggered about the dark cave.

"WE ENHANCED YOU. MADE YOU BETTER," said the first Scout-Bot as it bolted its bag onto its back.

"YEAH, WE CAN'T HAVE YOU MEETING THE SERGEANT LIKE THAT…AND HE SHOULD BE HERE ANY MINUTE."

Author's Note

At LONG last the first chapter is up. Thank you for being so patient, and remember; tell me what you think but do keep in ming that this is only the first chapter and you can say whatever you want to me in the comments, just don't be a meanie.

Chapter 2: Elements of Discord

Disclaimer: I don't own My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic or any of the characters, nor do I own Team Fortress 2 or any of its characters. I do, however, own Copper Head.

Lyra awoke to a stream of light piercing through her curtains, and no amount of soft, warm covers was going to change the fact that she needed to arise and start her day. After nearly failing her first attempt to escape the seductive clutches of her bed, Lyra went about her morning routine before finally heading out the door of her little home on the edge of Ponyville. Lyra breathed deeply as the crisp, clean air filled her lungs along her journey into the center of town.

"Good-"

"Morning-"

"Lyra!" came three, chipper young voices from underneath the bridge she was crossing. Lyra peered down to see three little fillies covered head to hoof with various pieces of gear and gadgets that gave Lyra pause for thought as to what in Equestria they could possibly be up to.

"Oh hi, girls. What, uh, what are you up to?" Lyra asked, her concern raising as she drank in more of what she was seeing.

"We're looking for monsters!" Sweetie Belle said as she lifted her helmet to better sit on her puffy, pink and purple mane as to not put pressure on her little unicorn horn that was poking through.

"Yeah! Like right now, we're trying to find a troll to capture," Scotaloo said as she adjusted a pulley on her vest that kept suspended under the bridge by a series of ropes that looked hastily assembled. Lyra was about to ask the young orange and purple pegasus the taboo question of why she didn't just use her tiny wings to keep her suspended when she stopped herself.

"Really?" Lyra asked cocking her head. "I know you girls try all sorts of different things for your Cutie Marks, but doesn't this seem a little, I dunno…"

"Dangerous? Aww, c'mon. You sound jus' like mah sister." The third member of the Cutie Mark Crusaders emerged from further under the stone bridge wearing what appeared to be wadders that covered her custard fur. "Ah mean, we got the idea from watching Pyro and all that he did fer us," Applebloom said with a heavy accent much like older sister's. She shook her head from side to side, the cobwebs that had attached to either her red mane or pink bow swayed as she did so. "A'course, all we managed ta' do was find some webs and a few frogs. Maybe we should'a kept tryin' ta' build that robot we-"

"NO! NO ROBOTS!" Lyra suddenly blurted out. The CMC shared a silent look as Lyra's mint green fur was slowly overcome with a deep blush as she hastily attempted to conjure up a reason for her outburst. "Uhh…looks like you girls have everything covered here so I'll be heading out. Bye!" Lyra broke into a gallop as she disappeared out of sight towards town.

"That was weird," said Sweetie Belle emerging from underneath the bridge behind her two blank-flank friends. "I wonder why she doesn't like robots."

"Why does she sit the way she does? HEY! We haven't checked the edge of Everfree yet!" Scootaloo said excitedly as she dropped her gear into the wagon attached to her little blue scooter.

"Yeah; Cutie Mark Crusaders Monster Hunters GO!" exclaimed an excited Applebloom as she, and Sweetie Belle, hopped into the wagon as Scoots pumped her little orange wings and motored them down towards the forest.

-x-x-X-x-x-

The streets of Ponyville bustled just like they always had in the late morning. The various different vendors were peddling their goods for both regular customers and passersby alike, trying to draw attention with either callers, flashy banners, or just random facts about the product that may or may not have been exaggerated.

'I seriously doubt that minced cucumbers can cure chipped hooves in less than a day,' Lyra thought as she trotted past the colt behind the cucumber stand. That did get Lyra thinking about her hooves and the chips they had from everyday wear and tear. "Although, maybe a trip to the spa wouldn't hurt."

"Hurt? Darling, a trip to the spa does everything but, and I insist that you come with me for my weekly visit!" Before Lyra had a chance to open her mouth, she felt herself being spun on her back legs by some invisible force until she came face to face with the Element of Generosity herself; Rarity. As her name would suggest and her three diamond Cutie Mark would confirm, the white unicorn was a rare beauty, and she certainly earned it. Rarity, when not making clothes for royal nobles and town ponies alike, could usually be found at the local spa or doing something else to help maintain her stunning appearance, especially her curly, purple mane and tail.

"That's very kind of you, Rarity, but I couldn't impose."

"Impose!? Never would I consider it an imposition! Now, step lightly, darling. We don't want to keep Fluttershy waiting," Rarity said trotting past her and looking over Lyra with her large blue eyes that were half hidden behind her blue eyelids with a skeptical expression. "And by the look of things, the sooner we do something about these split-ends on your tail the better."

"Gee, thanks. I'd hate to skip out on you, but I really need to, uh, go do the-"

"ROBOTS! THE ROBOTS ARE COMING! Everypony! Batten down your doors and windows and prepare for the coming invasion!" Lyra had to consciously stop herself from spinning her big head around and giving herself whiplash at the sudden exclamation. Tearing down the streets with the orderly in hot pursuit was a white unicorn with a sort, copper mane and tail by the name of Copper Head. Lyra, if her brain wasn't still trying to keep pace with what she was seeing, would have found this situation rather amusing: a stallion that was roughly the size of Big Macintosh, the largest pony in all of Ponyville, was being chased around the otherwise quiet town by three average-sized mares wearing nurse's caps.

Fortunately for the nurses, Copper Head found this situation funny and didn't pay attention to the vegetable stand being pushed along as he chuckled. Lyra, and just about everypony else who was watching the spectacle, winced as the Copper Express drove headlong into the wooden cart, sending produce every which way.

"MY CABBAGES!" the older, tan stallion cried as he threw his hooves to the sky in anguish.

"Ohhh…wait! No, leggo of my leg! Hey! HEY!" Copper Head yelled as a straight jacket and various methods of restraint magically wrapped around him from the three untidy orderlies and began to drag him back to the hospital on the other side of Ponyville. "Heed my words, Ponyville; the robots are already among us and it's only a matter of time before they rise up!"

"Wow! That game sounds super fun! Where can I get a hold of it?"

"IT'S NOT A GAME, BUTTON! NOW LEMME GO!" With that final outburst, Copper Head and the annoyed nurses disappeared down the road as things began to return to normal in the once again busy streets, buzzing with gossip of what had just occurred.

"Ya know what, Rarity?" Lyra said turning to her. "I think a trip to the spa is JUST what I need right now."

-x-x-X-x-x-

*FWOOSH* "GAHHHH!"

Seventy-three…

*FOOM* "OHHHHHH NO!"

Seventy-four…

*WOOSH* "FIRE FIRE FIRE!"

Seventy-

"AHHH!"

-six. Pyro panted from within his black gas mask, his smoke-glass goggles had even started to fog over from the sweat that poured down his covered features. Funny, he couldn't remember the last time his few unburned pores were actually able to produce enough sweat for him to notice, these robots really want this stupid bomb. Pyro slumped back onto the wooden structure as a glaring, crit-boosted rocket screeched overhead and engulfed the last of the Scout-Bots in an explosion that shook the ground and kicked dust in the air, further covering the scraped Robo-Scout.

"Dominated, short pants! And THAT is how you do it, men!" Soldier shouted proudly as he stood his trusty launcher beside him and saluted the fallen robots with the universal sign for "loser."

Pyro looked back towards the Respawn Room and saw Sniper waving and pointing inside, he cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted something that Pyro couldn't quite make out. Something about apples? He decided to just wave back like he knew what Sniper had said and turned his attention towards the flashing light still spinning on the bomb by his rubber boots.

In the first few days after their sudden career change, the nine members of RED had looked to Tavish DeGroot to disarming the leftover bombs once he sobered up enough to remember how to operate pliers without seriously injuring himself. Now, with the team regularly being split up to combat the bots on multiple Mann Co. front lawns, all of the mercenaries were required to take a two hour course where Demoman (for lack of a better word) "taught" the rest of the team to disarm the bombs.

For Pyro, disarming something that could potentially cause a lot of fiery explosions made the already mundane task of messing around with a thermal nuclear device that had been shot at, juggled with rockets, and set on fire multiple times even more boring. As the light flickered and died from having the wires in its detonator forcefully tied into a pretzel, Pyro scratched his side and stretched before heading back.

Upon entering the rusty, metallic door of the dusty Upgrade Station, Pyro was greeted with a clipboard slapping his flash-bang grenades that hung on a bandoleer across his chest.

"It's about time you got here, Pyro." The soft, feminine voice that held more authority than whatever army Soldier thought he was in came as a surprise. Pyro looked up to see the one and only Miss Pauling, wearing her modest, purple dress and giving Pyro the same stern look from behind her glasses she always gave people when they did something they weren't supposed to…like performing a live fire drill. With actual fire. In a nursing home. She produced a pen from the bun her jet black hair had been pulled into for the past couple of years and scribbled something down after looking around the semi-crowded Upgrade Station. "Pyro?"

"Hmm?"

"Where's Soldier?"

"Huddah-hu…huh?" Pyro looked through the murky glass of the door and realized that they were one patriotic crackpot short of a full herd. That was odd, Pyro could have sworn that Soldier was right behind him when he-

"I AM HIDING IN THE BOX!"

Everyone in the room looked around for the source of Soldier's voice, focusing namely on the various boxes stacked up against the back wall. Suddenly, the box closest to Sniper burst open to reveal Soldier, standing heroically as red, white, and blue confetti erupted from within.

"Gah! Bloody HELL, how'd you set that up so fast?" Sniper asked clutching his heart and giving the jackass-in-a-box a dirty look.

"Life, liberty, and the American way!"

"…really?"

"No! Lt. Bites was tasked with its construction." Soldier said with a big grin on his face. The box Jane Doe was standing in shuffled around before a bushy-tailed raccoon popped its head out, looked back at the various expressions it was met with and scampered off to parts and ventilation shafts unknown. "Fuzzy Judas! How dare you abandon your post!?"

Miss Pauling remained unfazed. "You're going to have to leave him here for now. We need to get on the train to regroup with the rest of the team."

"Affirmative! I left plenty of mayonnaise that I dug up from Merasmus' fridge in Sniper's van just in case!"

"OI!"

-x-x-X-x-x-

"I'm surrounded by idiots…idiots made by MY hand no less. So by extension I must be the king of idiots."

Gray Mann was not having a good month.

Firstly, his original master plan of creating an army of robot mercenaries hadn't gone as well as planed, i.e., not at all. Apparently nine, mentally unstable murderers-for-hire are more than a match for thousands upon thousands of money-powered robots that were built to look and act like nine, mentally unstable murderers-for-hire. That thought brought the aged Gray to his second migraine: why on God's fuel-rich earth did he decide to power his expansive army with his OWN MONEY? The irony of having taunted his brothers shortly before stabbing them to death for using gravel as a fuel source instead of gasoline was palpable enough to cut with the glare Gray was giving his monitors.

"SIR, YOU REALLY SHOULD BE CAREFUL IN YOUR CONDITION. STRESS HAS BEEN DIRECTLY LINKED TO UNNECESSARY AUSTRALIUM LOSS," the metallic Medic-Bot buzzed.

Finally; Gray was on the verge of dying, thus completing his trifecta of woes that had befallen him. Not recent woes, though. No, Gray had been "on the verge of death" for almost a hundred and some odd years now thanks to his Australium-fueled Life Extension Machine, which was now in need of being recharged.

"Australium, my own money…at least I'm not reduced to using damn GRAVEL to power anything. Yet." Gray stood from his chair, his ancient joints popping loudly as he composed himself and brushed off his grey suit with a wrinkled yet skilled hand before wandering closer to the wall of monitors to watch as the last of his robots fell. "Damn. I really thought that last batch of Super Scouts were going to make it. *Sigh* I suppose it's for the best, they burnt through far too much money, now I can focus on the Worl-"

"*ZZZZZT* HEL- *POP* THIS IS *KRRRRGHT* -GEANT CRITS, REPOR- *ZZRRRR*"

"Now the comm system is fluctuating again. Why did I ever program robots physically attracted to my microwave?" Gray walked over to the static-filled monitor and fiddled with the knobs until a familiar bot's profile slowly became visible. "Sergeant Crits? What are you DOING!? You're supposed to be here guarding the hats, and more importantly ME!" There was a pregnant pause as the mechanical copy of Soldier appeared to just stare blankly at Gray's increasingly annoyed expression that swept over his wrinkled, skeletal features before suddenly nodding.

"SORRY, MAKER. ENGINEER-BOT NUMBER FOR- *ZZZZRT* -WO WAS RECENTLY RECOVERED AFTER ITS TELEPORTER MALFUNC- *GSHXXT* UPON MY ARRIVAL IN THIS…NEW LOCATION, WE HAVE UNCOVERED SOMETHING OF INTEREST: A NEW TYPE OF CRYSTAL THAT, FRANKLY, MAKES THE DIAMOND MODELS LOOK LIKE TINFOIL BY COMPAR- *ZRRRRT* -N."

Gray's aged eyes widened as he stroked the white hairs on his head in thought. A material that surpassed diamond in durability? This might be just what he had been missing in his endeavors.

"YES! This is just what I've been waiting for! Now…

-x-x-X-x-x-

…I can fi- *NNNNRZT* -ly get my plan back on *ZZZRR* -ack and get rid of all those damnable hats clogging up my *ZZZZZRRRRMT* -room! I'll gather the remaining forces here and then m- *ZZZZT* -et you there ASAP!"

"THE MAKER'S COMIN' HERE?" Engie-Bot buzzed as it poked its head up from behind the ever expanding Teleporter, still slowing spinning just enough to maintain its energy disk.

"AFFIRMATIVE! WHICH MEANS THAT WE NEED TO GET THIS SORRY EXCUSE FOR A HOVEL INTO A REAL HOVEL FIT FOR HIS ARRIVAL!" Sergeant Crits barked, the two Scout-Bots looking around the dank cave as a few water drips echoed in the distance. "DAMMIT, BOTS…" The colossal robot rotated the servos in its neck from side to side to simulate expressing disappointment. Just like the vast majority of Gray's army, Sergeant Crits mirrored the merc it was inspired by, in both actions and appearance. Its glowing eye, covered by a bolted helmet, shown brightly in the darkness of the cave and illuminated the rest of the cold, metal features on its relatively small head in comparison to the rest of its massive frame. The launcher for which it got its name was slung over to the right of the seven inch-thick steel jacket, and while its color usually made it stand apart from the rest of the blue-gray giant, the surging energy that surrounded it as long as it stayed in direct contact with its owner made it work as an ensemble for the twenty-foot machine.

"CAN'T YA JUST TELL 'IM THAT WE AIN'T FOR VISITORS YET?" the first Scout-Bot asked.

"COURSE WE CAN'T, CRASH-TEST DUMMY. THE MAKER AIN'T THE KINDA GUY WHO LIKES TO BE KEPT WAITING, SECONDLY, DAT FEED HAS LIKE, AN HOUR WAIT FROM WHAT GETS SAID TO WHAT GETS HEARD. SO BY THE TIME WE TELL HIM NOT TA' COME HE'LL BE HERE IN PERSON TO- ANYONE ELSE HEAR THAT?"

The other three bots all turned their attention (and audio receptors) towards the back of the cave where the Scout-Bot was pointing. The faint yet ever-present dripping that would have driven any human into a frenzy trying to find the source had suddenly ceased. The two Scout-Bots looked over to their commanding officer for orders, and the sight of Crits loading its glowing launcher told them what they need to know, and readied their scatterguns before rushing off as the melodic clanging of the Engie-Bot working on a Sentry replaced the drips that had fallen silent.

"DANGNABBIT, IF ONLY THE TELEPORTER DIDN'T TAKE UP ALL OF MY METAL…"

All was quiet for a time, save for the sound of metallic boots running along a stone cavern that kept getting fainter and fainter, until frantic shots from a couple of scatterguns rang out in rapid succession, the light from the muzzle flashes momentarily illuminating the crippling darkness before all was as silent save the sonar pings from the lvl.1 Sentry and the crackle of energy from Crits' launcher.

"SCOUT-BOTS, REPORT! WHAT HAPPENED!?" Again, silence. "I DON'T LIKE THIS, ENGIE-BOT. WE MIGHT HAVE T-"

*Clang*

"WHAT THE DEVIL?"

*Clang*

"SCOUT-BOTS, IF THAT'S YOU THEN YOU'RE TWO SECONDS AWAY FROM GETTING A CRIT-BOOSTED EXHAUST PORT CLEANING!"

*CLANG*

The little Sentry gun suddenly whipped around to the right of the dark cave, beeping frantically as it fired a volley of bullets at seemingly nothing before switching back to standby. This was more than enough to provoke Crits who began to launch rocket after rocket, the fire trails and thunderous explosions lighting up the dark passage.

All except for one, large shadow sitting near the middle of the floor.

Dark energy burst forth from the dark patch and entangled the now alert Sentry, knocking both the Engie-Bot and massive Sergeant aside as the Sentry was violently crushed and hauled back into the darkness. The sharp sound of metal clashing against itself and wind whipping about coupled with a throbbing, purple glow with green flashes dancing about.

Crits was back on its feet as quickly as it could but was immediately slammed back down by undetectable sources, even by its advanced sensors. The Engie-Bot, with more self-preserving programming, rolled back behind the Teleporter and tried to stay out of sight from whatever was overpowering its commanding officer.

"GAHH!" Sergeant Crits exclaimed as the darkness began to physically crush parts of its thick armor as sparks jumped about. It was in one of these few, brief flashes of light that Engie-Bot's optical sensors managed to detect something in the depths of the cave.

As the sparks danced more and more frequently, the object itself also drew closer to the subdued titan, a metallic clang punctuating each step as features became distinguishable.

A simmering platinum crown, a black mane, two green and red eyes with a purple essence swirling around them, an Equestrian muzzle curled into a snarl that showcased unusually sharp teeth, a red horn enveloped with some sort of unknown energy signature, and a metallic body akin to parts often found on Scout-Bots and busted Sentries.

-x-x-X-x-x-

"Ohhh~ Why have I never tried this before?" Lyra moaned as a pare of pink hooves gave her the best back massage she'd ever had.

"Higher or lower, Ms. Heartstrings?" Aloe asked in a soothing voice.

"Just a little higher- AH! Riiiiiiight therrrrrre…"

Lyra melted in her comfy recliner. Never before had it occurred to her just how much tension could build in her shoulders and the removal of said tension had catapulted her right to the Cloud Nine district of Cloudsdale with the aid of aroma candles and sweet-smelling bath salts.

"Good thing you decided to take my advice about coming with us, dear. It sounds as if though you were in need of more than just a touch up on your coiffure," Rarity said from within her mud bath, wrapped horn to hoof in seaweed. "Celestia knows that stallion from earlier is going to need more than a trip to the spa to fix his problems…"

"Did something happen this morning?" Fluttershy meeped, her creamy-yellow wings shuffling across her fluffy, white bathrobe as she removed the towel around her head to allow her long, pink mane to drape down past her cyan eyes. Lotus and Aloe were also keeping an ear swiveled in Rarity's direction as local gossip was an oddity that the spa ponies liked to be kept up to date on (and thanks to Rarity that was never an issue).

"Hmm? Oh my, did I forget to mention? Lyra, would you like to tell-"

"Uuuuuuurrrrgrhhhhh~" Lyra moaned again as the last of the vertebrae in her spine popped.

Rarity stifled a laugh. "Well, since she's preoccupied I'll just go ahead and fill you in, darling. Right after I bumped into Lyra in the market, this tall stallion came running through town, screaming some such nonsense while being chased by some of those nurses from the hospital just down the way! Anyway, he ran headlong into a cabbage stand and that's when they threw a straight jacket on him! Have you ever heard of anything so brutish?"

Fluttershy, who at this point had been attempting to recede into her robes at the mental image of some giant pony rampaging around and destroying cabbage stands, peeked out from behind her hooves that had been blocked her eyes. "Y-Yes. I mean, no. That does sound awfully mean. Do you know what he was saying?"

Again, Aloe and Lotus leaned in closer as Rarity tapped her hoof against her chin. "Hmmm, he said something about everypony having to batten down their doors and windows…but I can't remember from what exactly."

"He was warning everypony about the robot invasion…"

All eyes swiveled over to Lyra, who was now sitting up in her "unusual" way. "Was it robots? Yes, I believe it was! Well done, Lyra, your memory is certainly better than mine today." Rarity, with the help of Lotus, got out of the mud bath and headed off towards the manicure area, followed by Fluttershy.

"Are you alright, Ms. Heartstings? Was the massage not to your liking?"

"Wha- no, no. It was amazing, Aloe, thank you so much. And call me Lyra, Ms. Heartstrings makes me sound too much like my mother." The pink spa pony nodded and trotted off to join the others, leaving Lyra alone in the wonderful-smelling room. 'Copper Head HAS to be crazy, there's no way robots could be here. Even if they were, Pyro would never let anything happen to me or any of the ponies here…' Lyra looked up and caught her reflection in the mirror starring back at her. 'And neither will Pyra.'

With her confidence having a much needed boost, Lyra happily wondered over to where the the rest of her friends had gathered. "Oh, good you're here," said Rarity with a smile. "I was just showing Fluttershy where all three of us will be staying for the Crystal Faire."

-x-x-X-x-x-

"Luna? Luna, are you in here?" No answer emitted from the darkness of the unlit observatory aside from the door opening to accept the new visitor. Celestia slowly nudged the star-spangled door open further with a gentle push from her magic.

"Zzz…mh…ghm…zzz"

"Oh, Luna…" Celestia looked overhead and thrust open the black curtains that blotted out her sun with her telekinetic grip, bathing the small room with the piercing light of mid afternoon, an action that did not go unnoticed by the younger of the two goddesses.

"WHAT TREACHERY BE THIS!? DOTH THOU SEEK TO BLIND US!?" Luna bellowed as she fell off her perch atop one of the many bookcases that surrounded the circular room. "Oh, sister. It's just you…what was that all about!?"

"Luna, were you up all day doing what I think you were doing?" Celestia questioned, her voice embodying more of a motherly tone. Her eyes scanned over the desk Luna had been using for her research; plenty of parchment, ink and quills, various books, and a familiar journal opened to a page with a doodle of a younger Luna running alongside a tall, dark figure.

"I admit that he was the first instance of these magical anomalies, like you so humbly stated, but he was defeated. Twice. There shouldn't be enough of his magic left to cause this much of an uproar."

"That's what we thought for well over a thousand years, and the events of the past year or so have gone to shown that magic does not like to go down without a fight," Celestia said.

Luna smiled. "Indeed, dear sister. However, I came across a picture earlier this morning that you might have forgotten about." Luna walked over to the cluttered desk and began rummaging around with her magic, pieces of paper and books tossed carelessly aside as she did so.

'Twilight would have a fit if she saw this. Hay, I wouldn't be surprised if she had trained her horn to alert her whenever a book is in danger of being misplaced somewhere.' Celestia laughed softly, amused by the thought of her OCD student snapping into action like something out of a foal's comic book.

"Show yourself, you insipid- ah! Found it! Gaze upon the fruits of my labor!" Luna said confidently as a small picture glowing with a sapphire aura was thrust inches from her big sister's smug face.

The picture was a recent one, one that had been sent in a friendship report…but not one from any of her little ponies. No, she remembered exactly what the singed letter she had received along with what it had said, although the picture that had traveled along with it had escaped her vast memory. There were the six Elements of Harmony, who were usually present in these kind of pictures, a cream-coated mare with a bouncy, blue and pink mane and three candies for a Cutie Mark, a mint green unicorn with a lyre on her flank and the biggest grin Celestia had ever seen in any of these pictures, and finally, the red, rubber-clad human with the black mask holding her in his arms.

"Yes, Pyro could certainly be classified as an anomaly, but he barely had any magic to his name. Luna, are you sure that your weren't just up too late today and-"

"Noooo," Luna whined, deflated that her sister hadn't caught on as fast as she'd hoped. "Look at what the green is wearing on her head."

Celestia scanned over Lyra once again, and sure enough, there were a pair of dark goggles with blue lenses hiding behind her mane. "Oh, the Pyrovison Goggles?"

Luna's expression rapidly changed to one of confusion and inquiry. "If that is what they are called…Celestia, how long have you known about those?"

Celestia stared off into the distance for a moment. "Ever since Pyro gave them Lyra the last time he was here, unless he gave them to her sooner."

"WHAT!? Sister, do you not understand just how DANGEROUS that can be!? If what I think is truth, then those things are responsible for the strange goings-on as of late!" Celestia raised a skeptical brow and was about to respond but Luna had more of her mind to belt at her sibling. "They use that to talk to one another, yes? Because that is what is stated in this letter, addressed to you might I add…if they can actually interact with each other on the level described here, then that means we could have another Silas incident on our hooves!"

"Which is what I've been trying to tell you, Luna. When Silas came to our world for the first time he ruptured the fabric of reality that kept our planes of existence separate, which is why I raised the barrier to help maintain order and stability. I never told you about the tear because I was afraid you were going to go after him when he left. I'm sorry."

Luna was stricken down to her very core. Hurt that yet another secret about the past had been kept from her by her arrogant sister, she readied her strongest Thu'um…when she stopped: Celestia was right. At the time, her impulsive, younger self would have at the very least attempted to cross over to see Silas. "So," she said quietly, "that would explain how all of those creatures from that world were able to bound back and forth with such ease. Sister, we must seal that-" Luna quickly scanned over the letter sprawled out in front of her, "'Pyroland' as soon as possible."

"Now you're just being silly, Luna. Lyra assured me that only she and Pyro can even perceive its existence, and that's only when she wears those goggles Pyro gave her..."

"Silas, the two of us getting turned into our evil selves, the exploding book and the giant eye that FUSED together, the return of the changelings, the human that could cause castle-crashing explosions, and the other one who could change shape and disappear at will running about," Luna stated flatly.

"…but, I think you might be in the right here, Lulu." Celestia sighed deeply, "Lyra is going to be crushed, you realize."

"I have taken that into account, but for the future safety of all of Equestria this must come to pass."

Celestia nodded as her eyes glowed a fierce white and she took to the air upon her beautiful, ivory wings. Luna followed suit, and as soon as the twin deities broke free of the observatory, they were both enveloped in a ball of swirling magic that burst forth, rocketing around all of Equestria all without so much as disturbing a single blade of grass.

"Thank you for taking my advice, Celly."

"Of course. Now, I think it's high time SOME goddess got herself to bed."

-x-x-X-x-x-

"I TOLD YOU, YA DAMN FOOL, WE DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ANY CRYSTALS!"

"Lies! I can sense my crystals nearby and seeing as how you metal abominations are the only things in this forsaken cave, you MUST know where the crystals are!"

Engie-Bot, while not actually able to perceive pain, was in fact able to mimic human emotions (again, to better manipulate them) when forced by its programming, and right now, its programming was telling it that getting crushed to "death" by a dark mist being emitted by a metal horse's horn was extremely painful. Engie-Bot frantically checked its files for what to do in this situation, ignoring any suggestions to contact a field commander for aid since the only one in this world was lying twenty feet away in critical condition. It felt a servo in its wrench arm snap and played "painful_scream.mp3" accordingly.

The metal unicorn threw it aside as it crumpled against the wall in a heap. The beast walked slowly towards it, the dark energy still enveloping it like a violent and procreative shadow when the Teleporter flickered to life and began to spin furiously. The metal unicorn was taken aback as a colossal, blue tank quickly filled the immense cave.

The ramp towards the front slowly lowered as the light from within poured into what was left of the hollow mountain. The beast covered its eyes as the sound of hundreds of metal feet rushing towards it roared throughout the cave, and before the unicorn had time to react, it found itself surround by all manner of different bots some of whom were significantly larger than others.

"Well…who do we have here?" the voice that cracked across the tank's intercom sounded aged and arrogant. "My name is Gray Mann, and who do I have the pleasure of addressing?"

The metal unicorn was quiet for a moment before turning its green and red eyes towards the observation deck where Gray was standing. "I am King Sombra, the true ruler of the Crystal Empire."

Author's Note

It's only a month or so late. Again, apologies for the tardiness, the job I WAS working had horrible hours so I would come home exhausted with no drive to write.

Chapter 3: It Was The Würst Of Times

Disclaimer: I don't own My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic or any of the characters, nor do I own Team Fortress 2 or any of its characters. I do, however, own Copper Head.

"This is strange, and unless something's not clear, I thought Lyra ALWAYS beat me coming here." Pyro only sighed as he sat under a gumdrop tree, surveying Pyroland with his chin on his knee. The sky was as bright and cheerful as the day it was made but Pyro was convinced that it had begun to fade. Pyro stood as he began to shout; "To me, Balloonicorn, you drunk layabout!"

Then a pocket of air did glow, and before Pyro's goggles burst a brilliant rainbow. The Mayor of Pyroland squeaked as he flew to his master's call, still a little tipsy from last night's grand ball. "How *hic* may I be of s-*uuuuuuuurr*-vice, master?" the little helium unicorn said with his words all a-slur.

"I'm worried about Lyra. The time for our meeting has past and I must be going all too fast. So deliver a message of my sincerest apology; our missed date was all on me." Pyro nodded slightly as he looked off and away. This was supposed to be a most perfect day…

-x-x-X-x-x-

The mercs rarely questioned the motives of their employers. Not to say that they just blindly accepted everything that was thrown at them. Spy above all had often pointed out the flaws and/or saner versions of battle plans…and then would be abruptly shot down by Soldier spouting a blurb from the back of a cereal box as to why they SHOULD go through with the plan, all while claiming it to be a quote from an ancient Chinese general.

Capture a gravel mining facility, protect a gravel mining facility, push a bomb down some rails, kill the people pushing a bomb down some rails, push a bomb slightly better than the other people pushing a bomb, get the enemy tax returns while protecting your secret muffin recipe, run a suitcase full of radioactive material past the violent TSA and onto a rocket, etc…

And of course: fighting giant, money-powered, robotic doppelgängers.

This time around, however, Pyro found himself scratching his head along with the rest of RED team after receiving urgent orders from their boss…who had been dead for the past few months.

"Just what the hell am I paying you for? SEND MY BROTHER TO HELL!" boomed the disembodied voice of Redmond Mann from the not-so-great beyond.

"Heavy is still confused. Why are we helping tiny dead man? And why are we fighting itty-bitty BLU team instead of metal giants?"

"They're still TECHNICALLY your bosses, even if Gray Mann did stab them to death a number of times," crackled Ms. Pauling from a nearly microscopic video screen Spy had produced from within one of his wisdom teeth.

"Oh," Heavy uttered as his facial expression suggested that the lone tenant of his Soviet-era mind had fallen under the immensity of that profound statement.

"S'alright, Heavy. It don't make a lotta' sense to the rest of us either. But, a job's a job and I'd be lyin' if I said money wasn't important," Dell Conagher grunted as he flipped a toolbox containing a dispenser onto his shoulder.

Heavy's face expressed his confusion. "Heavy thought robots bled money when-"

"Oh, can we PLEASE get zis farce over with before ze fat man makes any more sense!?" Spy barked as he faded from sight, followed closely by a concerned Tavish DeGroot who looked as though he couldn't have gotten through those gates fast enough.

-x-x-X-x-x-

It was truly incredible just how much control the Mann brothers had on the blighted specs of dust that they were eternally gridlocked over. Hightower, while normally a sunny, rustic, mining facility had been corrupted by something far more sinister; night time. The buildings had become dark and twisted with various decorations throughout, the medpacks were now pumpkin pies and cauldrons with pumpkin pie that had been left in the desert sun, a large clock tower loomed over the lake of lava that had begun to flow around the field of battle like a deadly fence in case the hundred-foot drop didn't kill whoever fell in.

And of course, freshly dug up from their resting places, tombstones and all, were the Mann brothers Redmond and Blutarch. Their rotting corpses barking orders to either team to push the opposing brother to the detonation point and catapult them into Hades. This was much easier said than done.

"Incoming!"

"Move that gear up!"

"Help push tiny wagon!"

"Ze Soldier is a Spy!"

"Mhhmm mmm!"

"I appear to have burst into flames…DOCTOR!"

As the round started the gates of hell were thrown wide both literally and metaphorically, the two opposing teams rekindled their hatred for one another almost instantaneously as various forms of munitions ripped through the midnight air and warm flesh alike without discretion or a second thought about who's life in it might claim…because those brief seconds before they would be resurrected would surely allow them to push the rotting corpse of a greedy old man MUCH faster than the other team. Scouts frantically began to push the corpse-cart to the tune of the rhythmic clanging of Engineers upgrading their buildings and the whirring of lead-spewing miniguns.

Snipers picked off whatever crossed their scopes, Spies lurked in the growing shadows waiting for the time to strike, Medics rushed frantically from teammate to teammate as their name was bellowed from all corners of the surround area, and patrolling Pyros torched anything in their paths. Yes, all hell had broken loose and it wasn't even midnight. At least, not yet...

As the area's name would suggest, there was indeed a Hightower near the center of the arena that's upper platform and ramparts, while providing a great vantage point to stage all manner of assaults, was completely exposed and thus favored hunting grounds for trigger-happy Snipers and Spies waiting to prey on whomsoever tried to grab the large, pumpkin pie that rested at the very top. Near the base of the tower was a small room that contained a medkit and ammo box that was perfect for ducking in, resupplying, and then quickly turning the tables on a would-be pursuer. It also served as great place to host a meeting between old friends.

"Jane? Jane, you in there, mate?" Tavish "Demoman" DeGroot whispered as he pressed his back against the aged wall to avoid being seen by a BLU blur rushing by.

"I am here!"

Tavish looked around the incredibly small room for the source of the voice but saw nothing save the large pumpkin pie and ammo box near the bottomless pit at the back of the room. Realizing that he was now having a conversation with the little floating pumpkin pie with a medical label plastered on the side listing all of the ways in which to NOT cure a gunshot wound with it, he turned to leave. "Thankfully I already don't remember this."

As his foot exited the doorway, Demoman turned as the blurred outline of a man in blue began to materialize before him. Mr. DeGroot, with hands faster than would be thought possible for a man with that level of inebriation, went for his emptied bottle of substitute paint-thinner to brain the cocky Spy only to be stopped by a much larger hand than any Spy Tavish had ever encountered. "Stand down, cyclops. It's me!"

"Jane! What the devil are ye doin' cloakin' like a bloody Spy?"

"Magic!"

"Look, boyo, I know I'm drunk but ye cain't pull the wool over me good eye sayin' that you can perform-" the BLU Soldier, deciding that now would be a fantastic time to interrupt his frienemy, produced a rolled up magazine he had tucked away in his belt. -"magic?"

-x-x-X-x-x-

"So, mister-"

"King."

"Mhmm, 'King' Sombrero-"

"Sombra!"

"WATCH YOUR TONE WITH THE MAKER, QUEEN SALSA…"

"Sergeant, lower your launcher at once! We're TRYING to have a spot a tea here…and for God's sake; I'm inside the blast radius of that thing! If King Sombra were to try something as foolish as attacking me, use your shotgun," Gray Mann said with a dry voice as he let out a small yet pained sigh.

"SIR, YES SIR!" *ka-chick*

"Not yet."

"AWW…" the metal giant sighed, lowering its titanic shotgun away from the increasingly irritated King. Sombra lifted the elegant teacup with a dark strand of magic to his mouth before tossing it aside with such force that it lodged itself into the optical nerve of a Scout-Bot.

"AAGH! WHY WAS I PROGRAMMED TO FEEL PAIN!?"

"…Perhaps some low-fat cream for your tea?" Gray said in-between sips.

"I'd rather have my old body for my tea," Sombra's dark eyes gazed down upon his scraped legs and bolted hooves, "and my kingdom."

"Kingdom?" Gray leaned back further on his chair, allowing his head to rest on his right hand, and so he could press the receiver planted in his ear.

"MAKER, IT HAS BEEN CONFIRMED ZAT ZERE IS A CRYSTAL STRUCTURE A FEW CLICKS AWAY FROM ZE CAVE ZAT COULD VERY WELL BE A CASTLE," the Spy-Bot's voice crackled through the air waves as it sat cloaked near the train station to the Crystal Empire.

"My kingdom- no, my empire was magnificent; countless slaves, an endless supply of crystals, total domination…not even the Princesses could truly defeat me. If it weren't for Cadance and her meddling strumpets I might still have all those things," Sombra said with nothing but spite in his deep voice.

"Those crystals you mentioned, they wouldn't happen to look a little something like this would they?" Gray snapped his withered fingers as the Scout-Bot with the teacup monocle approached the cloth-covered stalagmite table with a small chunk of shimmering crystal-

"Where did you get that!?"

-which was forcefully yanked away along with the entirety of its arm. "ARE YOU FREAKIN' KIDDING ME?"

"This is a naturally formed crystal, not one from a Crystal Pony," the light blue gem entangled within Sombra's magic began to crackle and surge with a dark energy that violently consumed the shimmering rock until it was as black as the king corrupting it. Sombra's emerald eyes rolled back into his tin skull and the purple aura around them flared with the ecstasy of an addict on withdrawal finally getting his fix.

"I'll have what she's having." All of the bots present (including the Spy-Bot over the radio) began their pre-programed laughter sequence at their maker's terrible reference. Sombra, however, remained unamused. He placed the dark crystal beneath his iron hoof and smashed it into a fine powder.

"It's been far too long since I've been able to do that, and now I require MORE. Help me, Gray Mann. Help me reconquer the Crystal Empire with your army of metal monsters and I will grant you whatever you desire."

Gray sat back in his chair, his Australium-fueled Life Extension Machine making a slight clink, which gave him an idea. He motioned to his ever-present Medic-Bot to extract a small amount of Australium from the device and present it the increasingly confused Sombra. "If you can get me more of this element AND a vast quantity of those crystals like the one you just smashed, then I think we have a deal."

-x-x-X-x-x-

"I still can't believe I get to go to the Crystal Faire this year!"

"Well believe it, darling. The friend we'll be staying with had an extra room at her lovely abode in the Empire's town square and everypony else already had plans set," Rarity explained as she tossed her elegant mane back behind her shoulder.

Lyra sat there in awe, still drinking in all that had happened that day, and what was to come. Come to think on it, Lyra really didn't remember much of her walk from the spa to the Carousel Boutique other than excessive hopping on her part and Rarity saying something about ruining her hooves with all that jumping, but it fell on excitedly deaf ears. The Boutique, easily the fanciest place in all of Ponyville, was even more spectacular on the upper floor where Rarity and her little sister, Sweetie Belle, lived. Lyra had only ever been in the lower store front when she and Bon Bon would fantasize about owning such wonderful dresses and attending the Grand Galloping Gala.

Lyra shook herself back into the present with Rarity and the quiet Fluttershy standing next to her friend as they looked over some of the designs they had thought up for outfits whilst visiting the Empire. "Wait, how do you know somepony that LIVES in the Empire? I thought all of the crystal ponies were over a thousand years old."

Rarity looked over at Lyra in surprise before stifling a small chuckle. "You misunderstand, dear. My friend Lulu bought a cottage out there after Princess Cadance reopened the Empire to the rest of Equestria. She's younger than I am!"

"Are you okay, Lyra? You look tense…" Fluttershy said softly.

"It's just…" Lyra started as she stared off into space, "it seems like every time there's a big event that everypony goes to that something catastrophic happens. Nightmare Night; a giant, human skeleton almost turns the Princesses evil and tries to chop off every unicorn horn he could get his giant hands on." Rarity gulped as she placed a reassuring hoof against her pristine horn. "Grand Galloping Gala; the Changelings returned, again, brainwashed a walking bomb and then took over Canterlot."

"Meep!" Fluttershy squeaked from underneath Rarity's sewing machine.

"Oh, pshaw. So much has happened since then, and I'm sure that with the addition of two Princesses, security will be at its peak. It's not like we're in one of those predictable paperback books you find at the market…" Rarity said dismissively as she continued her work.

Lyra sighed. "I hope you're right."

-x-x-X-x-x-

"I'm still havn' a hard time wit' this…magic nonsense." Demoman bluntly stated with a half-shrug.

"THAT is why I am going to show you a way to get a hold of it that will make getting a D.U.I. on St. Pantheon's Day look difficult! Watch this: 'Hello, Ms. Pauling! I wasn't aware that being naked was regulation!' Quick, get your bottle out…"

Tavish opened his whiskey trap to argue why the BLU Soldier had been trying to take his title of delusional drunkard when a burn tissue-encased hand shut him up. And lo, amid the explosions, gunshots, and screams, Demoman heard the faint sound of sneaker-covered feet running at a ridiculous pace towards them.

"Hey-hey-HE-LLO Ms. P-" *SMASH* The BLU Scout crashed hard into the grave soil and skidded along for about a foot before coming a full stop, just shy of plummeting into the hellish pit in the back of the already cramped room.

"Aye, I brained that wee little miss. At what part does this elusive- *urrp* -magic show itse- bloody hell!"

As Tavish spoke, a sparkling book burst into existence before the two men, the more patriotic of the two indicating for the more inebriated of the two to pick it up. Hesitantly, Demoman reached down towards the hovering book that floated ever so gently atop the bloodied Scout's corpse. His dark finger barely skimmed one of its many pages when, suddenly, the book took an etherial form and merged with his magazine, and before his good eye the names of various incantations and runes flashed and danced about like a mythical slots machine before settling on the symbol of a bat.

"Now that's quality," he said a little taken aback.

"Well? Which one did you get from the corpse book?" Soldier said with a chipper voice as he nonchalantly kicked the ballplayer's body down into the pit with a swift kick.

"'Deus Invictus'. Wait, how in the hell did I know THAT?"

"The same way Frank Gorshin can tell what Burt Lancaster is thinking at all times; he just knows. Besides, these spells are Canadian weak-sauce compared the raw, American firepower that some of them are packing!"

Before he could ask about these tomes of power, Pyro rounded the corner looking to replenish his propane tank. Upon seeing the BLU Soldier and expecting an explosive welcome, he instinctively fired his compression blast which caused Jane to slam into Tavish who both found themselves in each other's arms, screaming like school girls as they tumbled down after the dead Scout.

"Murr-oh…" Pyro said apologetically as he peered over the edge. Deciding that it would probably be in his best interest if he were to vacate before Demoman could return with a vengeance, he quickly filled his tank and jumped back into the fray.

-x-x-X-x-x-

"Stupid, fire-breathin' mutant," Tavish cursed as he floated through the Void. He counted down until the Respawn Room would reach out and bring him back into the world of the perpetually dying, much like Jane, and the Scout that had been brutally murdered in the name of magic before him. "When I git me hands on that mumblin' devil, ohhhh…it's gonna be sorry."

"…"

"Wha~? Who said that?"

"…"

"A spell? Ach, no. I've had enough trouble wit' those damn things today."

"…"

"A rare spell, eh? What's it do?"

"…"

"Really!? I thought that only summoned me old eye! Yeah, give it ta' me!"

-x-x-X-x-x-

"I'm full of bombs and magic!" Tavish exclaimed as he was brought back to life, making the Sniper who was at the locker, and therefore with his back to him, jump high into the air and cling to a dangling light fixture for dear life. "Ye might want to switch ta' decaf there, mate."

"Don't you 'mate' me, mate! You almost gave me a bloody heart attack!" Sniper lowered himself down to the floor and picked up all of the things he had ditched like a bird in order to make himself lighter for his awkward flight. "Whataya' screamin' about anyway?"

"I found a spell crammed with so much magic it'll make those lassies out there soil themselves," Demoman said with a chuckle as he ran out to unleash his own personal brand of hell.

Unfortunately for him, his hell might get mixed in with all of the other hells that had been let loose since he had been hug-tackled to death. Firestorms, red and blue skeletons were chasing people around while a Monoculus laid waste to all that came into its field of view.

"Wha' happened!?"

"It's the Witching Hour, boys! Get a move on!" The Engineer made a mad dash past Tavish and headed towards the massive clock tower that loomed out over the field, only now two white, etherial bridges had extended down to allow passage and everyone had completely foregone the twin dead men they were supposed to be pushing to hell for a chance to get one of the rare spells at the tower.

Unfortunately for some of the slower classes, the bridges didn't stay long and were soon spirited away, stranding those on the clock tower it didn't drop into the lava when they went. Demoman could care less, as the being that gave him his spell swore that it was the best that could be obtained. Hell, Tavish had taken worse advice from those closer to him than a random voice in the afterlife…like when his mother told him to go sweep the entirety of Mermasmus' castle for a nickel. Just thinking about it made his eyepatch itch.

"Oh good, it's the Skeleton King…NO WAIT THAT'S BAD!"

Blutarch's correction was an understatement of the gravest sort: the Skeleton King was a horrible monstrosity,nothing more than a glowing green human frame of hatred and corruption that strove for the utter destruction of everything it saw with no remorse…but only within the confines of the Hightower mining facility and only at a certain point in the evening. Unfortunately, that's exactly where the poor bastards of RED and BLU found themselves.

Heavies tossed, Scouts crushed, Soldiers destroyed, no class was safe from his wrath! And soon his crown-covered eye sockets settled upon Tavish DeGroot. "Aw, cripe!" Demoman fired everything he had at the towering skeleton, but only managed to scatter some of the lesser ones that clawed and gnashed near his feet like a pack of wolves following their alpha. The sticky bombs and pipe bombs soon stopped coming as he was reduced to his broken scrumpy bottle that still had dried Scout blood splattered along side it. This could very well be his end, but suddenly, a thought broke through the alcoholic swap of his mind: the spell! Tavish closed his good eye as the name of the spell appeared before him…

"INVOKUM HORSEMANN!"

A ghastly skull launched forward from his palm and erupted into a shower of purple sparks as it made contact with the Skeleton King who reeled back in turn. The energy that swirled from the explosion seeped into the ground which immediately began to quake and tremble. The earth gave way as the purple, spectral from of the Horseless Headless Horsemann arose in his usual fashion; holding his carved pumpkin head high atop his boney arm with his massive Headtaker in the other.

"HAHAHA! I ALWAYS KNEW YOU DEGROOTS WERE GOOD FOR SOMETHING." The HHH looked down, and through, his new ghostly form. "NO, THIS BODY WON'T DO AT ALL. I THINK I'LL TAKE YOURS!"

The next few moments happened far too fast for Demoman's liking (or for his single eye to follow); the Horsemann spun on his heel and used his momentum to violently separate the King's skull from his neck with the Headtaker, and in the same motion, removed his own pumpkin and jammed it down on the crown-less King's skeleton. His whole frame shook if though he were standing in a tub that a toaster had just been tossed in as a purple sheen began to glimmer over the now white bones. An invisible seamstress knitted a dark and worn cloth over the mid section, waist, and hands while the feet were wrapped in black leather. Little orange fibers began stitching together the physical pumpkin, everything down to the strange growth off to the left temple, as a small puddle of wax formed in the mouth that twisted and contorted into a candle which flickered to life and cast an eerie glow inside the hollow head. The Horseless Headless Horsemann, formerly Silas Mann, had returned.

The HHH looked down at his gloved hands and flexed his digits a few times before pulling the Headtaker out from the damp ground it had been imbedded in.

"JACKASSSS," the gnarled, glowing axe hissed with a carved half-face much like its master's.

"QUIET, CLEAVER. I WILL NOT HAVE MY TRIUMPHANT ESCAPE FROM THAT MANOR SULLIED BY YOUR- HMM?" The HHH looked down to see that two identical mine carts had bumped into either of his boney legs, being pushed by equally terrified RED and BLU mercenaries. "WHAT- WHAT IS THIS!? REDMOND? BLUTARCH…? MUWAHAHAHA!!! YOU FOOLS FINALLY PERISHED! I IMAGINE IT WAS DUE TO YOUR OWN CRIPPLING STUPIDITY, HMM?"

"U-Uncle Silas? Is that you?"

"Of course it's him, you fool! Who else do we know of that looks like that?"

"Well excuse me, Redmond! He wasn't exactly haunting MY manor all these years."

"That's because your 'manor' is the backdrop for the Jungle Book!"

"Troglodyte!"

"Imbecile!"

"ENOUGH! TELL ME WHAT I WANT TO HEAR OR I SHALL CAST YOU BOTH INTO THE PITS OF HELL MYSELF!"

"It was Gray Mann!" the dead twins' voices wailed from beyond the veil. Silas was stunned by what he heard (the horrified mercs who had been pushing either cart took this opportunity to head for the hills).

"GRAY MANN!?!? ZEPHENIAH HAD ANOTHER SON!?" Of course, it all made sense to him now. Ever since the night Bette Mann died giving birth to her sons, neither Ms. Meriweather nor Barnabus Hale said a word about what had transpired that evening, and Silas had difficulty enough just trying to get his brother to tell him what time dinner was. "FIGURES THAT HE WOULD NEGLECT TO MENTION THAT TO ME. I SUPPOSE I'LL HAVE TO INDUCT HIM INTO THE FAMILY CURSE ONCE I'M FINISHED YOU TWO ONCE AND FOR-"

*FWOOSH*

"YOU AGAIN!?"

"Murrmph!"

The Horsemann looked directly above at the ramparts to the source of the noise that haunted Silas Mann, and lo and behold, he found it. There, with his red asbestos suit glistening in the harvest moon and pilot light hissing slightly louder than his muffled breathing, stood the bane of all Spies, projectiles, and horsemen bend on conquering magical kingdoms. "PYRO…"

At the call of his name, Pyro jumped down with his flamethrower, lighting up the night and parts of the Horsemann's pumpkin head as he did so. Silas remained unfazed and swung the Headtaker in a wide arc but missed claiming Pyro's masked head for his own by mere inches. Unfortunately for Pyro, in order to save his neck he had to sacrifice his landing and tumbled along the ground. Seizing the opportunity the HHH brought his mighty axe down executioner-style but only managed to reap the head of the tank on the flamethrower. Which promptly erupted into a raging fireball.

Now it was Pyro's chance to seize the moment, because as Lady Luck would see fit, the Horsemann had technically defeated the Skeleton King, therefore the rare spell book that he drops should be- there! Demoman watched as Pyro dove for a book much like the one he had seen pop out of the Scout's body only instead of green magic, it was coursing with a sparkly purple aura that made it seem more regal. As Pyro's dark glove stroked the edge of the book's cover, the Horsemann lunged forward.

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT SORT OF STUPIDITY YOU'RE PLANNING BUT I ASSUME THAT IT'LL BECOME NULL WITHOUT A HEAD!"

Pyro turned to see just how blindingly fast Silas had closed the gap and braced himself for a beheading when something miraculous happened: the HHH tripped.

"…And I zink zat you'll find it quite impossible to do anyzing without your sight," said another voice from beyond. A sound that has been imbedded into each classes mind sizzled from behind the fallen HHH as he pulled himself up; the sound of a Spy de-cloaking. "Pyro, I zink now would be a splendid time use zat spell of yours," Spy said as clocked out of sight once again.

"MURMOMR MURRRMMURM!" Pyro bellowed as a purple, alchemic circle was etched high above the staggered Horsemann as similarly colored fireballs poured down on his skeletal form. Spy and Demoman shielded their eyes from the dark magic that rained down while Pyro looked on to make sure that the flames consumed every part of the monster's body.

To their dismay, the Horseless Headless Horsemann stood and pointed at the trio. "I SEE NOW…GRAY…WAS NEVER HERE. NO MATTER…I'LL JUST HAVE TO PAY MY NEPHEW A VIST…EQUESTRIA…" With a final, haunting sentence the HHH let out a howl before exploding into pieces.

The Horseless Headless Horseman has been defeated!

Press [K] to REMOVE.

Everyone, including Redmond and Blutarch, all cheered as the popup vanished and fighting resumed as normal…or at least as normal as it could with the addition of spells.

"Yeah!" Demoman said excitedly. "Wait, did he say that Gray was in-"

"Equestria…" Spy interrupted.

"Murr mo."

Author's Note

Hot gosh-darn this took a long while! Sorry about that guys, I know that I never promised any schedule for when I'd have these out, but I still think you guys waited patiently far too long for this.

If you're wondering about the Frank Gorshin/Burt Lancaster joke; LOOK IT UP!

Also, my WASD keys are starting to become unresponsive after years of abuse so there might be some weird typos in here, I'm pretty sure I got all of them but you guys have sharper eyes than me apparently.

Chapter 4: One Bad Apple

Disclaimer: I don't own My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic or any of the characters, nor do I own Team Fortress 2 or any of its characters. I do, however, own Copper Head.

"Ohhh! Lyra, you're a such a dumb pony!" Lyra said to herself as she rushed about her room, ripping clothing and other things needed for travel from their resting places with her yellow aura and unceremoniously dumping them into an open case laying on her messy bed. "Where did the time go!?"

While Lyra was indeed happy and grateful that Rarity was bringing her along for this amazing event she had no idea that Rarity would want to leave so early! The only reason for them departing so soon, that Lyra remembered, was something along the lines of Rarity "not having the same problem she had in Manehattan," whatever that meant. All Lyra knew was that she needed to hurry her lyre-covered flank along if she was going make it to the train station in time. She was so busy that she didn't even notice her bedroom window being opened by a familiar mailmare.

"Hiya, Lyra! You've got-" Before the grey pegasus could finish her sentence, she was suddenly tossed into the tangled cluster that was Lyra's suitcase. "Mmf!"

"Uh? Oh! Oh, I'm so sorry, Derpy! My mind's been all over the place today and I didn't hear you…break into my house. Again." Lyra gave the walleyed mare a stern look as she clumsily crawled out of the jumble of clothing, tumbling down onto the floor and looking up at Lyra with a warm smile that usually graced her features. Lyra sighed with a smile of her own, she couldn't be mad at Derpy more than she could a baby filly.

"I'm sorry, Lyra. How come you're packing all this stuff anyway?" Derpy asked as she helped put back everything she knocked out while Lyra continued her over-packing rampage.

"I'm going to- BE LATE! AGH!" With speed far too swift for Derpy's light yellow, crooked eyes to keep track of, Lyra snatched something from her nightstand and bolted out the door. Derpy flew out the window to try and catch her.

"Wait! Lyra! You have a…letter? Where'd she go? Ohhh, I hope the Princess isn't mad that I didn't deliver this fast enough," she said quietly as she held the little envelope in her hooves.

-x-x-X-x-x-

Heavy breathing, sweat pouring down her body, matting fur, feeling like she was going to collapse at any moment; "I *pant* am SO *pant* out of shape." Lyra gasped as she flopped down on her seat. "At least I- WHOA."

Lyra rubbed her still tired eyes as wondrous sights unfolded before her. The Imperial Crystal Liner, the only train that belonged exclusively to the Crystal Empire that had just recently been brought into service, welcomed its passengers with a marvelous display. The train itself was a wonder as being made out of solid crystals not only made it extremely durable but it also reflected all light that passed through it, especially the headlight, which made the engine look like a bright star as it rode across Equestria. In classic Crystal fashion, everything in the interior, minus the seats and food (which Lyra was thankful for), was formed from the glassy rocks the empire was named after which made everything appear to be more fancy and expensive than it actually was.

Naturally, this miraculous invention fell by the wayside when Rarity noticed something far more important. "Lyra, where is your bag, darling?"

"Uh? I put it with the rest of the cases. Actually come to think of it, most of it looks a lot like your-"

"No, not that, I mean your carry-on. You simply MUST have something fashionable while you travel if the rest of your matched luggage is forced to be hidden away from the public eye."

"Uhhh…"

"Well, what about that around your neck?" Fluttershy said softly as she looked up from her book with her wide, teal eyes. "It looks wonderful."

"Mmm, in a sort of post-apocalyptic outdoor wear kind of way, yes. I can't quite place my hoof on the designer though, who is it by?"

"Oh, you mean my Pyrovision Goggles?" Lyra said placing a mint fur-covered hoof on the pair of blue lenses dangling from around her neck.

"'Pyro-vision'? You mean like that mumbling lunatic that-"

"Do NOT call him a lunatic!" Lyra, and most of the nearby passengers, froze at her sudden outburst. Lyra turned beet red. Where did that come from? She felt well enough a moment ago but now her heart was beating and she could feel the burning in her cheeks. "I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, to…" Lyra stopped as a cream hoof came up in front of her muzzle.

Fluttershy said nothing, but instead looked between Rarity and Lyra with a concerned yet calming face. For reasons Lyra couldn't understand the animosity she had felt dispersed as quickly as it had come, even Rarity looked as if though whatever retort she had mustered up had been swallowed along with her pride.

"You're right, Fluttershy. I'm the one who should be sorry, Lyra. Me calling Pyro a lunatic was out of place and I apologize. But you have to admit he is a bit strange for those of us who don't know him too well."

"He did scare me a bit when I first saw him to be honest…" said Fluttershy, pressing her hooves together and avoiding eye contact from behind her pink mane.

"How do you think I felt when I first saw him? If I wasn't being attacked by Timber Wolves at the time I probably would have ran home and bolted my door!" Lyra chuckled.

"Timber Wolves!? What in Equestria where you doing messing with Timber Wolves?" Rarity sputtered as she almost inhaled her tea.

"Oh yeah, I never really told anypony about what happened that night, did I? It's kind of a long story…"

"I don't mind hearing," chirped Fluttershy.

"It is a long ride to the Empire, and I'm just dying to know!" said Rarity as she and Fluttershy both got rather close to Lyra.

And so, the harpist unicorn told her eager listeners all about the fateful night that brought her to Pyro. How he fell from the sky, fighting off the wolves, hiding him in her home, taking him to Canterlot for Nightmare Night, squaring off against the Horseless Headless Horsemann and learning about all that he had done in the past, turning both Celestia and Luna back to the side of good, and Pyro sacrificing himself to save everypony there.

Rarity and Fluttershy were both in awe of the tale that had been woven before them. "And here I thought we were the only ones that went on adventures! But, you still haven't mentioned where you got those goggles from, dear."

"Sorry; I got this after the second time he was here. You remember, Spy and Demoman arrived before he did and sorta almost blew up Canterlot. Twice," Lyra said the last part a bit softer than the rest.

"Yes, I remember that rogue…" Rarity said looking off into the distance with half open eyes and a dreamy stare. "But you can talk to him with those you say?"

Lyra's eyes brightened as did her smile. "Yep! Actually, I've been meaning to say hi to him anyway, so if you ladies will excuse me…" With a swift motion only obtainable from months and months of training and usage, Lyra looped her hoof into the elastic band around her neck as stretched enough so that when she brought her hoof up, the Pyrovision Goggles slipped on perfectly over her eyes and behind her ears…

-x-x-X-x-x-

Hades.

Sheol.

Tartarus.

Rock Springs, Wyoming.

All different names for hell, and the name of the place Pyro now found himself, standing alongside the rest of his team atop an outcropping of charred rock above a massive river of lava. Across the way was a wooden structure much like the one in Hightower that had a rare purple spell where its earthly counterpart possessed a medkit, and beyond the manmade pillar was the common rabble of BLU Team…who were also busting out sweet dance moves for no reason besides the fact that they could. As it turns out, all those damned to hell must dance rhythmically upon arrival. For obvious reasons, God saw it fit to leave that out of the Bible as to not confuse readers or give any warning to the dance craze that would sweep the 1980's.

Pyro looked across from where he and the rest of his color-coordinated maniacs had just finished their mandatory choreography to where a massive, human skull with twisted horns was perched. Ash and smog billowed from its sockets like smokestacks that swirled near the roof of the hellish cave that masked its true height…if hell even had a roof.

"This fight is not over, RED Team! You can still win this, kill BLU Team!"

"BLU Team, what my idiot brother said, but with you killing RED Team!"

With those profound words still ringing in their ears, both teams leapt down the jagged rock platforms towards the main island in front of the tower. The heat became unbearable the closer Pyro got to the glowing river which was the strangest sensation for someone who usually thrived in the hottest conditions. He could feel what he thought might be traces of sweat starting to form on the back of his burnt neck for the first time since…since…

Pyro's thoughts were interrupted as some of the members of BLU had already made it to the island and had started unloading all of their firepower at the opposing team. Pyro winced, his broad shoulders catching more than their fair share of buckshot and as they began to pop…

…he landed gracefully, brandishing his bright pink Lollichop. The little babies were giggling and flying high, and just up ahead was a happy little Spy. Pyro knew just what to do; his golden Rainblower could reveal anything BLU! He crept 'round the side as fast as he could, as the Spy he saw bumped into him right where he stood. The baby BLU Spy chuckled as he hovered high and low before Pyro made him sparkle with a bright, warm rainbow. Although he had confetti and streamers gushing from his wounds, Pyro found himself still humming upbeat tunes. The red fire-starter skipped through the lush grass that felt rather stoney, when he crashed headlong into bright green-

"Pony? Lyra!" Pyro dashed to his unexpected friend as she marked the first good news in this fight without end.

"Sorry for dropping in without giving word, but I just wanted to to see how you were doing in your herd!" Lyra trotted happily as-

-bullets ripped past the crimson salamander's gas mask like a swarm of lead flies that bored into the tower behind him, splintering it on impact. Pyro rolled back behind the flimsy spire-

-and returned to his happy place from a hell so dire. The distraught pyromancer looked to and fro; "Lyra, are you here? Where did you go?" Pyro could feel her slipping away, her smiling features blurry when they once were clear as day. His little pony was gone, nowhere to be seen. How could this happen, what could this mean?

Pyro dashed past bubble rockets and gumdrop grenades, rainbows, charging Demo-babies and even jars of instant lemonade. He rushed to the top of the colorful play structure where he looked all about, but no matter what he did Lyra just wouldn't come out! The RED fire starter turned, deflated, shuffling his feet-

-the force of the bullet that caught Pyro's leg was enough to knock him from the platform two stories above the hardened magma stone below, which was made far worse as he landed on his metal gas tank with a crack and a howl of pain.

No one around even noticed that he had fallen or that he was hurt; the Medics were focusing on keeping their patients alive through not only ammunition but magical bombardment as well, classes of either color ran past him, assuming that the bleeding maniac was already gone.

The BLU Sniper who had winged Pyro chuckled back on his perch as he squeezed the trigger and aerated an Engineer's hardhat, instantly turning him into a ghost that just looked on at its former Sentry that meet its fate by the same means. The smug Australian smirked as he chambered another .305 shell into his trusty rifle and quickly peered down his scope…only to have the entirety of said scope filled with the sight of crimson rubber.

Sniper looked up too late, his cry for help becoming muffled as a black glove smothered his features. The sensation of burning flesh washed over Sniper's face and began to roast his panicking brain with increasingly deadly heat as he clawed frantically at the scalding hand that had ensnared him.

For the first time since the identical killers had descended into the bowels of hell did the fighting stop. All of those present had witnessed horrors beyond imagine in their years of hat-based combat, but what they were seeing before them was still unnerving; every eye watched as Pyro, bleeding and limping, dragged a struggling Sniper along behind him like a caught animal trying to free itself from a deathtrap. Pyro hobbled to the nearest ledge over the churning lake of lava, and with a flick of his wrist, he flung the bushman into the glowing river. Sniper's body erupted like a bright flame on the surface that crackled like cooked meat in a pan before what was left sank below the sea of flames.

Pyro turned back around and started towards the massive skull, unopposed by allies and foes alike.

-x-x-X-x-x-

"Pyro, I want to make somezing PAINFULLY clear…"

Pyro wasn't exactly sure why he went to Spy first.

"…you disgust me."

Sure, he wasn't the worst person he could have gone to. Scout would talk more AT him than listen, talks with Soldier usually included a series of gunshots, and Pyro couldn't get a word out of Heavy even if he did actually listen.

"Ze mere fact zat I'm standing zis close to you after what you did and NOT vomiting iz taking all of my intestinal fortitude."

Demoman was really the only other person he could have gone to about this and he was, well, spelunking to the depths of his scrumpy bottle for the umpteenth time that day and was in no position to carry on a conversation beyond belching and crying.

"Now zat we have zat out of ze way: what iz it?"

"Mhrr Myra! Huda mrrrm mmphm urrr," Pyro said worriedly.

"Lyra? What does zat pony have to do with anyzing?"

"Mrrur huddah-huh!"

"Cut off? Why would zey stop your from talking to her? Unless…"

"Murr?" Spy ran his hand down his face as if though he were trying to avoid whatever he was about to say. He sighed heavily before lighting up another cigarette with his exquisite lighter that Pyro noticed.

"You remember ze last time we had our little romp through zat magical land that almost got us killed, no?" Pyro nodded happily, and was about to go into great detail about his second trip to said adventure but was forced to give only the abridged version from the look Spy was giving him.

"Murr-hurmph."

"Well, ze only reason why I wound up zat diabetes-inducing plane of existence was because of our pumpkin-headed friend who arrived earlier this evening."

Pyro gasped. "Murr hudda-ha mrr?!"

"What? No, not Heavy you idiot! Ze Horsemann! A few months ago, I had a run-in with Silas, and under ze threat of permanent execution, I was forced to help him find a reliable way to and from Equestria…"

Pyro chuckled. The only to get to Equestria was by increasingly convoluted (and hopefully entertaining) methods. There was no solid-

"…and I succeeded."

"Huddah?"

"It wasn't as difficult as I first thought, actually. Ze only really challenge iz gathering- Pyro?"

"Mmmhm?"

"We're not alone in here. Behind you!" Pyro spun around, Spy drew his revolver, and the unknown assailant threw the doors wide open.

"I heard everything!"

-x-x-X-x-x-

"Lyra? Darling, are you alright in there? It-It's okay, we don't have to talk to him right now…ohhh, Fluttershy I think something's gone terribly wrong." Rarity pressed her ear against the cloth she had placed over the potentially filthy bathroom door Lyra had locked herself in, but couldn't hear anything over the clacking of the train racing along the the tracks, or the sound of knocking on the glass outside.

Fluttershy glanced over her shoulder to see what all the noise was about and almost popped her neck from whipping back around for a double-take. "Derpy?!"

Sure enough, as Rarity soon confirmed, Ponyville's own Derpy Hooves was clinging for dear life right outside the window, waving at the mares as her blonde mane was tossed about in the wind with a nervous smile. Both of the Elements of Harmony rushed to the window, and with the aid of Rarity's magic, tossed open the slider as a strong gust threw the grey pegasus into the car where she tumbled onto one of the seats.

"Phew! Thanks, girls! I thought I was going to be stuck out there forever!" Derpy shook her mane back into place, her yellow eyes still spinning a while longer after she stopped. "I have been tasked with delivering an urgent letter from Princess Celestia of Equestria to one Lyra Heartstrings!" Derpy sat upright as she announced her sworn duty in her most official voice. She held her saluting pose for a moment before scrunching up her mouth and opening her walled eyes to scan the train car. "Huh, I though I saw Lyra in he-"

"I'm here, Derpy…" Lyra's voice was soft as she walked slowly out of the bathroom, her head hung low so her mint mane would cover her red eyes.

"Here's your letter! The Princess said I had to get this to you as fast as I could…hey, are you okay, Lyra?" The mailmare, still holding the holding the officially sealed envelope tilled her head upside-down to get a look at her dower friend, but tilted back around as the letter was quickly snatched away from her hoof. Lyra flipped her mane out of her expressionless gaze, her yellow magic making quick work of the envelope and unfolding the beautiful parchment.

Dear Ms. Heartstrings:

It is with a heavy heart that I write to inform you of recent actions my sister, Princess

Luna, and I have had to take in order to maintain safety for all of Equestria. As you may

have noticed, we have repaired the magical barrier that separates our world from

others, namely the one in which Silas Mann and your friend Pyro both reside. I'm sure

you see this as a cruel prank but I assure you it is for the best as we no longer in any

danger of otherworldly threats that have been originating from within that world.

I pray that you will understand.

Princess Celestia of Equestria

Lyra was stunned. She could feel her emotions racing about, trying to make sense of what she had just seen.

"Lyra…I'm so sorry," Rarity said as she finished reading from over Lyra's shoulder.

"I wonder what suddenly made her do that?" Fluttershy pondered as she too finished scanning the note from over Lyra's other shoulder.

"Must. Learn. To. Read…" Derpy muttered as she peered intently at the letter. Fluttershy and Rarity tossed each other a quick look before Fluttershy tilted Derpy's head slightly away so one of her eyes actually focused on the letter she had delivered. "Oh no! Is there anything I can do for you, Lyra?"

Lyra remained silent though her facial expressions spoke volumes of her internal debate. 'How could she do this to me?! After everything he did- after everything WE did for her, and she just…exiles him?! Wait. Wait, Lyra…maybe she's right. I THOUGHT I knew everything about humans, but they're much more violent than my research showed...but Pyro said he and his team were 'special' compared to other humans so maybe they aren't all bad! Silas wasn't one of their team though. He was about as far from Pyro as you can get and he's even worse than they are…'

She finally looked up at her gathering of friends with a smile, and tears rolling down her face. "No, Derpy. There's nothing any of us can do, and I think…I think I'm okay with that."

-x-x-X-x-x-

"But daddy I'm BORED! These dumb robots you left me won't let me do anything!"

"That's the whole point, Olivia. While I'm…away, I need to make sure my only daughter stays safe..."

The little dark-haired girl on the monitor rolled her eyes as she crossed her arms. "Do you REALLY think I'm going to believe that?"

Gray sighed. "…and to keep you from getting into anything you shouldn't. I need you to run things while I'm away and those bots are designed to keep you out of harm's way. Just because Hale won't fight you directly doesn't mean that woman won't send one of her goons to try something stupid."

Olivia continued to pout as she spun from side to side in her oversized CEO chair while the two Heavy-Bots stood motionless at either side. "At least tell me where you went, the tracking device isn't picking you up anywhere. I even had to make a new radio system so we wouldn't have that stupid lag after everything we said."

"Uhh, well you see honey, I-"

"Gray! Get out here!"

"Oh, HELL…"

Olivia leaned up against the computer to try and see around her father's head as to who was yelling at him like that. "Who's that?"

"Dry cleaning lady."

"Wha~?"

"GRAY!"

"Coming, Mrs. Wong! Goodbye, Olivia." Gray practically punched the "end call" button, causing his ancient hand to make a horrid cracking sound. "Gah! What is it, Sombra?!"

The door to the communication room flew open and pulverized the Soldier-Bot standing behind it. "I heard voices, who were you conversing with? And what is 'dry-cleaning'?"

"A miracle for those of us that work with machines all day and have an image to uphold," Gray mumbled as he straightened his jacket. "And if you MUST know, I was speaking with my daughter back in my world, just making sure things are going well over there."

"I don't claim to know anything about you humans but that sounded far too young to be any child of YOUR'S," Sombra smirked, reveling in Gray's flustered expression. "Regardless, I have found that element that you seek." King Sombra's horn pulsed with a dark magic as a mangled Heavy-Bot was tossed onto Gray's desk, its chest cavity had been crammed full of glowing ore.

"At some point we're going to have a long talk about the misuse of my damn robots, but for now I must admit you performed your task better than expectations."

"Don't speak to me like one of your drones, plebeian. There was more but your escort here could not carry the load put before it. So I improvised," Sombra's eyes flared for a moment as he sat down, his metal flank clanging against the floor of the Carrier Tank.

Gray, who was practically drooling over the amount of Australium laying before him, composed himself. "Be that as it may, you WILL keep your metal mouth shut when Olivia is calling. As smart as she is she's still a child, and I'm not certain I'd be able to build something strong enough to stop her from abandoning her post if she knew I was in a magical land ruled by talking ponies…even saying that out loud sounds absurd. Your shortcomings aside, this Australium will keep me going for a long time yet. Medic! Get over here and help me refuel!"

Gray beckoned his ever-present Medic-Bot to bring the hallowed remains of the Heavy-Bot as he left the room, leaving Sombra alone. The king sat there for a moment as his grin grew ever larger. "Foolish mortal. There is no such element in Equestria, but your precious sensors won't be able to tell the difference until it's too late. Amazing what a little alchemy can accomplish…HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

-x-x-X-x-x-

Gray detested his refueling procedure; partly because he had no choice in the matter and partly because he never felt more helpless than when his Medic-Bot had to temporally pause the machine attached to his spine to make sure it kept him alive. It reminded him of just how frail he truly was; a frailty that couldn't be lessened by any number of robots. He was thankful that Olivia wouldn't have to suffer the way he did for centuries to come, even then she-

*Ka-chunk* "REFUELING COMPLETED, MAKER. REACTIVATING NOW."

"Ga-AH! YES! I feel seventy-five again!" Gray exclaimed as the flames of vigor and cataracts danced in his eyes. "Tell me something, do you think that old war horse knows what's about to hit him?"

"NEIN, I WOULD IMAGINE ZAT IF HE KNEW ANYZING ABOUT THE WORLD BUSTER HE WOULD HAVE TRIED TO STOP YOU BY NOW," Medic-Bot stated as closely to how the genuine article would have said it as its programming could get.

Gray donned his jacket once again as the last few tingles spread to the ends of his body. "Good, because as soon as this so-called 'sun goddess' is dealt with, I'll have no need for some washed up sorcerer…HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

Author's Note

Will Lyra ever see her human friend again?

Have Spy and Pyro been found out?

Who will out-betray who: King Sombra or Gray Mann?

Can YOU believe it's not butter?!

Tune in next time for some of these answers, maybe!

Chapter 5: Pony Up, Boys!

Disclaimer: I don't own My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic or any of the characters, nor do I own Team Fortress 2 or any of its characters. I do, however, own Copper Head.

"I should have known. All that time spent planning, all of the covert ops, the sneaking off to God-knows-where, and you had the stones to try and hide that from me?!"

Spy writhed beneath the ironclad grasp around his throat, his feet twitching as they rose higher off the ground. "P-Please, I-"

"WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME WE WERE OUT OF C-RATIONS?!"

"Because I threw zose disgusting zings out, you idiot!" Spy bellowed as he firmly planted one of his spats right below Soldier's ribcage, his grip loosening from around the assassin's neck.

"You call that breaking my ribs? Your French feet couldn't bre- *CRACK* OH MY GOD MY RIBS!" Soldier toppled as Pyro, who had remained on the sidelines (read: "remained useless") up until now, decided to take his turn at the kick-Soldier-because-Spy-made-it-look-fun game and scored a prize: two cracked ribs!

"Medic!" Sure enough, Germany came to America's rescue in its short and rather one-sided war against France and…Pyro…in the form of RED Team's unlicensed surgeon; the Medic. The eccentric doktor strode merrily over to where Soldier was clutching his side, beads of painful sweat pouring down his face with each breath.

"Oh, don't be such a baby, zese vill be easy to fix." Medic stood from examining his reluctant patient and spun toward his load out locker. The Medic was almost as much a mystery as Pyro; the only thing any of them knew for sure was that he was from Stuttgart, Germany and that there was someone crazy enough to give him a medical license for him to lose in the first place. While certainly one of one of the the more level-headed members of the team, the mere prospect of an operation or medical experimentation made him giggle like a schoolgirl with crack-laced bows in her stringy hair, and that made everyone (Pyro included) have second thoughts about not spending fifteen minutes to chat with a talking lizard. Then again, what did an Australium-infused iguana know about insurance anyway, especially for the death-prone mercs?

As the healing beam from Medic's Medigun snaked around Soldier, who quickly sprang to his feet…only to waver to a bench and collapse, Medic turned his attention back at the other two still-standing teammates. "Vhat vas Soldier screaming about anyway? Besides Pyro giving him rather impressive compound fractures, I mean."

Spy and Pyro looked at each other. "You know Soldier; always screaming about some-"

"I was looking for MY rations. Instead I find these two section-eights talking about magical unicorns," Soldier groaned.

"-zing." Spy's sentence dried up in his throat faster than the ash that fell from his cigarette with an increasingly long and puzzled glare from Medic.

"You're absolutely correct; zat is no reason for such noise."

"Vhat?" Spy uttered, dumbfounded.

"I know ze Balloonicorn und Magical Mercenary are…interesting to be sure, zey are still nothzing to get ZAT excited about," Medic stated as if there was no other possible way that could have been interpreted.

"Murr murph huh! Huddah mrrr…"

"Oh? As in actual-"

"Murrur. Mhmm."

"Pyro, did you suffer any sort of serious blow to ze head since ze the last time I checked on you ten minutes ago?"

"Mrurr."

"I see. Vould you two excuse me?" Medic flicked off the Medigun and stashed it away in his section of the lockers, smiling as he strode quickly out the door, once again leaving the confused Spy and Pyro alone with Soldier…who had vanished in the short time they had looked away. Pyro was about to ask Spy what they should do only to find that Spy had done the same.

-x-x-X-x-x-

The Crystal Empire was a lot to take in for somepony who wasn't from the area. Towering buildings of pure, glistening crystal stood watch as they cast their cascade of colors over the crystal-paved streets. The residents too were something to be admired as well for their bodies shown with radiant crystal that rivaled their structures. In the center stood the Crystal Palace, a sky-piercing spire that was home to Princess Cadance and Shining Armor. The Palace was also important as the Crystal Heart, the source of the Empire's power, sat spinning in place at its wide base.

This was something most ponies took the longest time getting use to: the local ponies were see-through, to a point, but no signs of internal organs or skeletal structure could be seen and gave them a sort of "animated doll" quality that some found off-putting.

Lyra didn't care in the slightest as she glanced around, trying to keep pace with Rarity as she trotted rather quickly through the market square.

"I know the trip over was certainly, um, interesting but I know you'll see that it was completely worth it once we find-"

"Rarity!"

"Lulu!" Both Lyra and Fluttershy put on a smile as the mare who had called out to Rarity trotted over to them through the busy streets. Lyra thought one of the colada-scope houses had caught her in the eye when she saw the mare that was now wrapping Rarity up in a big hug. A quick glance at Fluttershy confirmed that she wasn't going crazy. That pony looked just like-

"Rarity, I'm so glad you were able to come all the way out here! How was the trip?" Lulu said, her voice was smooth yet higher pitched than Lyra expected.

"The trip? The trip, was…Oh! Where ARE my manners? These are my two friends I was telling you about: Fluttershy and Lyra Heartstrings. Girls, this my old friend, Lulu Luck."

~ + + + ~

"Hey! How come Fluttershy doesn't have a last name?"

Well that's because- PINKIE!

"I mean my last name is 'Pie', Twilight 'Sparkle', Nat 'Poggle'…

Who? Oh, wait do you mean "Pagle?" Nat Pagle?

"Yeah! What'd I say?"

Poggle.

"Boggle."

Alright; shoo! Out! I need to finish this thing…and close the door this time! If Fluffle Puff gets in here then it'll be nothing but ten solid pages of Chysalis and tacos…

"*Pfft*"

OUT!

~ + + + ~

"It's wonderful to meet you," Fluttershy smiled softly, tilting her head down as to hide her mild blush with her long mane.

"You look exactly like Rarity- I mean 'hi'! Smooth, Lyra…" Now Lyra was wishing she had a mane like Fluttershy's; not so she could just hide behind it, but so she could disappear inside it and never be seen again. Sadly, the flustered unicorn was forced to awkwardly rub her fetlocks in full view of everypony while trying her best not to make eye contact.

Lulu and Rarity paused, taking inventory of the other for a moment before starting to snicker, which soon turned into laughter that greatly confused both Lyra and Fluttershy alike.

Lyra was right, though. Lulu resembled Rarity almost to a tee. The only difference between the two mares was the pastels of their fur, manes, and tails. Lulu's fur was a raspberry pink while her mane and tail dazzled with yellow, green, and an even darker pink streak. In concordance with her name, her Cutie Mark was that of two horseshoes interlocking, one green and one yellow.

"I don't know about EXACTLY, but who says friends can't share the same gorgeous style?" Lulu said with a wink.

"It'd be a crime not to," Rarity added bushing her mane back.

"How long have you lived here in the Empire?" Fluttershy's voice came as a surprise to Lyra, having rarely heard her start a conversation.

"Almost a year. I moved shortly after they opened up the Empire and as luck would have it they needed somepony to help nurture the local wildlife after what Sombra did."

Fluttershy's wings perked up. "You help animals too?"

"You bet! Rarity told me all about how you're the master caretaker in Ponyville for all of the creatures in the Everfree Forest. You must be pretty brave to handle that all by your lonesome."

Lyra stifled a snort.

"It's not so much bravery as it is kindness…"

"Hey, girls? Not to ruin the moment or anything but, uh, how long has that smoke plume been there?" Everypony looked where Lyra was pointing. A black fog spewed forth from just beyond the mountain line and blighted an otherwise perfect sky.

"Oh. THAT," Lulu said dismissively with more than a hint of disgust in her voice.

"What is that dreadful smog, Lulu?"

Fluttershy took a few uneasy steps behind her friends. The last time she had seen smoke coming out of a mountain like that was when that dragon had settled in the neighboring mountains near Ponyville.

"That's certainly the question of the week around here," Lulu said as she beckoned the rest to follow her towards her home. Sure enough, most of the other ponies didn't even look twice at the rising cloud as they went about their lives. "That disgusting smoke has been on the rise more and more for the past week or so. Nopony seems to know exactly what it is or what's causing it."

She huddled the three mares closer to her as she brought her voice down to just above a whisper. "Shining Armor has sent four scouting squads to investigate but they either couldn't find the source or went completely missing. The higher-ups aren't admitting to anything but everypony already knows that there's something out there…"

-x-x-X-x-x-

"I grow weary of you parasites trying to stick your noses into things you couldn't possibly begin to understand."

Enforcer couldn't see anything for a moment, until he realized that all he could see was darkness. It wasn't the same as shutting one's eyes: he could almost sense the void he stared into was swirling around him, blocking him from seeing anything from just beyond his armor-clad hoof. A hoof he couldn't move.

"Do you know what I did to the last patrol I caught limping around my kingdom?"

Light began flooding into Enforcer's eyes to where the darkness coiled only around the fringes of his field of vision, but after taking in what he saw, a part of him wished it had left him blinded. He was in a cave of some sort, which wasn't unexpected, the source of the smoke was most likely coming from one of the many caves that vented the mountains, and whoever had captured him would likely have their camp set up inside one of said caverns.

His mind raced as he tried to piece together what had happened to the rest of his unit. Enforcer looked around as best he could, but now something else was obscuring his vision…it almost looked like-

'Dark crystal? That hasn't been around since…'

"Enjoying the view, captain?" the deep voice from beyond cackled with a sinister tone that sank Enforcer's heart into the depths of disappear. "I only assume that you're a captain, anyway. The insignia on your uniform was far more grandiose than the other six and I doubt Princess Cadance would sacrifice somepony higher than a captain to search the mountains with the Crystal Faire so close at hoof and the need for heightened security. Not that it'll make much difference how many guards that plow horse has stationed around MY empire! She-"

"For the love of daytime television, Sombra; PUT A CORK IN IT!"

Enforcer, still in minor shock from seeing King Sombra's new metallic body, felt a small prick in his side before slipping into unconsciousness.

"You know, it's bad enough that I have to listen to you speak on a regular basis without having to suffer through 'Shakespeare in the God-forsaken caves' every time we capture one of these patrols," Gray stated blandly as he finished hooking up the unnatural crystal formation encasing Capt. Enforcer to a cable attached to the carrier tank that was being watched/maintained by three Engie-Bots along the way.

Sombra could almost feel parts of his metal head forming veins. "Decrepit fool! How am I supposed to extract information if you drain them into a coma?! I barely gathered that the faire was upon us. What do you need all of that extra power for, I was under the impression that you feed them your own currency?" Sombra asked himself more than Gray as his mind raced for some remote reason as to WHY that presented itself as the best, tactical option.

"That's on a need-to-know-basis for humans only. And I could ask you the same question about your recent obsession with turning all of these guards into crystal…besides your usual one."

The two just glared at each other for a moment.

'Curses! Does he know about my secret plans?!'

'Curses! Does he know about my secret plans?!'

"MAKER! OUR SCOUT-BOTS HAVE REPORTED BACK, THEY CONFIRMED WHAT JUDGE SEGWAY TOLD US ABOUT THE GATHERING IN THE KINGDOM: THE CRYSTAL FAIRE WILL BE IN FULL SWING BY TOMORROW."

Ancient teeth suddenly flashed across Gray's features. "Excellent! Get the tank loaded, we ship out in an hour; and one of you call Olivia! Tell her it's time for Operation: Gear Blitz!" With speed normally reserved for those below the age of "museum fossil", Gray Mann dashed up the the metal ramp, tossing his work smock aside into the waiting arms of his Medic-Bot that keep pace behind him.

"Wait; 'Judge Segway'? When I take command, I'll personally see to it that those infernal machines have their voice boxes forcibly removed." Sombra snorted in disgust with a slight puff of darkness escaping his silver nostrils.

-x-x-X-x-x-

"They're crazy. Boom! Didn't know I was a detective, didja?" Scout grunted as he flexed for his reflection along his aluminum bat.

"In other news, the sun rose this morning," Dell smacked the cocky Bostonian with the backside of his gloved hand. "Besides, we ain't exactly 'fit for jury duty' either, son…but I don't know if I'm buyin' what the doc is sellin'; a magical land ruled by- what was is again?"

Medic took a breath. "Equally magical, talking und flying ponies, ja."

"Right. Now, Pyro I can believe. Hell, I have the goggles to prove all of that hangin' in my locker. But Spy? The math doesn't add up."

"Math has nothing to do with it! I say we strangle math, and while we are doing that, we should execute those two traitors in an equally painful way!" Soldier interjected as he choked the air around the imaginary necks of said "traitors."

"I always knew he'd snap first, this kind of work ain't the place for some back-stabbin' snake like 'im!" Mundy spat.

The gathered members of RED Team continued to argue and bicker as to what their next course of action should be as Demoman stumbled in, slumping down next to Sniper and taking an eye-watering shot of his homemade drink.

"*Urrrp* What're we talkin' about?"

"Tiny teammates have lost minds. Are talking nonsense," Heavy said, still paying attention to the conversation going on around him while reframing from adding to it.

"Oh? Ah almost joined the other bloody team 'cause o' them! Wait, which ones?"

Heavy stayed silent for moment before answering. "Pyro and Spy. They say something about tiny magical horse. Heh, is funny. Demoman?" Heavy looked over his sizable shoulder just in time to see the chair that had once supported a DeGroot ass spinning in place as Tavish was nowhere to be seen. "Heavy thinks there might be another mentally-unstable person in our midst…"

"Oh my God it freakin' talks!" Scout blurted sarcastically before a solid wood chair sent him flying across the length of the room. "Statement…retracted…Medic…"

"Heh, nice shot, mate."

-x-x-X-x-x-

"YA BLOODY TOLD THEM ABOUT EQUESTRIA?! Are ye HIGH?! I could see our third little conspirator tellin' 'em about tha' magical place, but you of all people? I thought you knew better."

"Huddah?"

"No, I don't know where Spy got off ta' either." Demoman rubbed his head with his non-whiskey hand as he paced, Pyro watching him from the same spot Medic and Spy had left him in before Tavish had come barging in. "Look, we cain't worry about him now. The lads are gonna think tha' you two have gone off yer rockers- wait, ya' didn't tell 'em tha' I was there too, did ye?"

"Nein, zey left zat part out."

"Oh, oh thank- ACK!" Demoman whipped around to see the rest of his team standing behind him. Including Pyro, who was quick to realize his mistake but was halted by the surprisingly firm grasp of Dell's glove.

"Whoa there, sparky. You've got just as much if not more explaining ta' do than he does."

"Yeah! Like, are you actually a chick? 'Cause I'm pretty sure you're not or you'd be all over THESE," Scout blurted as vaulted over Soldier and flexed his toned yet scrawny arms. Oh yeah, Scout was on fire! Well, part of Scout was on fire. Namely the parts of him that had Mann Co.'s "Hale's Select Hair Gel," which was about twice as flammable as gasoline. Those spots were very clearly ablaze.

"AAAAH! Fire! Get it off!" Scout screamed as he began slapping his head in a sad attempt to douse the blistering flames. Thankfully, Sniper's quick thinking (and even quicker bladder) extinguished the mini inferno with a fresh jar of Jarate broken over the Bostonian's tiny head. Pyro tried to contain his growing urge to giggle as he flicked his lighter shut with a metallic clink while those closest to Scout backed away from for obvious reasons.

"Not quite what I meant. Nice toss though, Mundy."

"My pleasure," Sniper smirked tipping his hat.

"Now," Dell started, "why don't you, Pyro, AND Spy," Dell reached to his side and mimed tossing something onto a chair that suddenly rocked, "tell us all about this, uh, 'Equestria' place you were talkin' about?"

"How ze hell did you see me?" The familiar sound of an Invis Watch deactivating instinctively turned every head towards the chair to see Spy giving the Engineer a confused look.

"Y'all can thank Sniper for that. Oh, ya still got a little Jarate on your collar," Engie chuckled.

"Filzy bushman…"

After an emergency trip to Mrs. Wong's dry-cleaning, Pyro began to spin his tale of being spirited away to Equestria after a mishap with the new weapons. He mumbled of Lyra Heartstrings, a mint unicorn he had saved only to be sheltered in her home in return and all of the other ponies he had encountered. He also went into detail, much to the shock of the team, about how he fought toe-to-toe with with the Horseless Headless Horsemann on Nightmare Night and how he wound up back home.

Demoman took a big swing of courage before starting his rather lackluster story; he found himself in a strange cave, and then suddenly standing over Spy's decapitated body in the middle of Canterlot castle. There was also another part about the Bombinomicon and Monoculus but by that time Tavish had already passed out from taking a little too much "courage."

Spy reluctantly filled in the gaps. Demoman being brainwashed by an insect-like creature named Queen Chrysalis, the ponies' entire kingdom being overrun with her little buggers called Changelings, Pyro's copy of the Bombinomicon summoning and then fusing with Monoculus, and finally the fight that ensued before the three were warped back home.

There was an uncomfortable silence that hung over the room as Spy and Pyro finished telling their varied tales from the unbelievable land of talking, magical, and sometimes flying pastel ponies. Spy looked about the room at the other six mercenaries, trying to gauge whether or not they were still planning on letting Medic lobotomize them. The fading light made reading the more subtle facial tells harder as they looked at one another and muttered while shooting looks at the trio of outcasts. Spy, however, was more concerned with the fact that it had taken them into dusk to finish talking about ponies from when they had started sometime after lunch.

The three story tellers looked about anxiously, each one unconsciously bearing their nervous ticks as the moments waddled by. After what felt like an age had come and gone, it was Medic who surprisingly broke the silence.

"Vell, it's not like talking ponies are an impossible concept."

This raised many questions among the group.

"I should know! Turns out zey CAN talk if you rearrange zeir vocal cords ze right way! Not very good at carrying on ze conversation, zough; nozing but hay, oats, begging me to end zeir painful existence, etc…"

This abruptly ended any questions that had been previously raised for fear of the answers. "Mein downtime aside," Medic pushed his thin spectacles further up his nose as he glanced around, his gaze avoided by everyone his eyes fell upon, "iz zat not ze place ze Horsemann said our old friend Gray Mann vas hiding?"

Medic was right, the HHH had mentioned that Grey was indeed hiding out in Equestria during their last encounter, and while accepting anything he said at face value was a fatal mistake the spastic and abnormal robot activity was evidence enough to support his claim.

"So, what happens now?" Heavy asked.

"We bring ze fight to him, and I know just how to do it," Spy answered.

-x-x-X-x-x-

"No way in HELL, cupcake!"

"Dammit, Soldier, just do what he says!" Engie pleaded with more than a hint of annoyance in his voice.

"NO! Do you maggots have any idea how hard it is to maintain something that is not standard issue out in this sandy ashtray?!" The completely assembled RED team stood in the courtyard behind their 2Fort base, wondering how someone could be so dim on such a bright desert day.

"You point me at a modern soldier who uses a scattergun with soda taped to it and I'll eat my shoes."

"Sasha is all custom parts."

"If I say ze name of my supplier, I will be shot."

"Ah have patents for all a' my guns, and the ones Ah don't are from my granddad."

"Snipin's an expensive job, mate. And a professional using store-bought equipment is just rubbish."

"Oh yeah! I just skip on down ta' the bloody bomb tree an' pick a few high-yield grenades with me wee basket…"

"Ze haven't made ze medical equipment I use in vell over two decades."

"Mrr murr hudah mrrr."

Soldier's helmet began to steam as the WWII-era gears in his head spun with raw, American horsepower. "CERAMICS! I am not about to waste a perfectly good launcher that may be my only ticket to being in the Space Marines!" Soldier barked as he clutched his Cow Mangler 5000 to his chest.

The Cow Mangler 5000, like all of Dr. Grordbort's crazy inventions, clashed hard against the dusty and broken down state of decay by being a sleek, metallic, particle launcher. It's body looked like that of a cylindrical rocket prototype (fins included) with five tesla coils at the head that allowed the user to charge and fire a massive amount of combustible energy. After Pyro, Soldier had been fortunate enough to find the most energy weapons while the Engineer had only found one (although it was often argued that he had found the best one by far) but was none the less just as unlikely to share as if though he had gotten a third of a donut instead.

Spy suddenly burst through the crowd, he was out of breath and was clutching a piece of paper in his hand. "Soldier! Zis just came in from ze Pentagon for you!"

"P-P-Pentagon?! Give me that!" Soldier almost took the Frenchman's glove with the paper as his beady eyes scanned over every inch of the note. After a solid minute of violent reading and sweating, Soldier turned and saluted before carelessly tossing the man-sized Cow Mangler at an unsuspecting Dell who was caught completely off-guard and almost crushed. "Hurry up and do what you need to with that thing! Double time, grease monkey!" Soldier barked as if he were never more sure of anything in his life.

"Oi, was that really from the Pentagon?" Sniper whispered as he leaned back near Spy, who now showed no traces of being out of breath.

"Mundy, please. I scribbled 'let the Texan have your launcher or we're demoting you to elevator crash test dummy' on ze back of one of our takeout menus," Spy snorted, his reciting of the note done in a flawless American accent.

"Crikey…ya didn't use the good menu fer' that, didja?"

"Heavens no. I used zat one we keep getting from ze place next to ze toenail museum." Spy shuttered at the mere thought of either of those places being anywhere near his mouth.

"Oh, good on ya."

"C'mon, Engie, get to it!" Soldier ordered as he stared at his launcher like he was waiting for Dell to do something awful and unrepairable to it.

"Ah don't know what we're doin' with this darn thing! This was all their idea anyway!" The Engineer pointed over to Demoman, Pyro, and Spy who now were fully aware that they were once again being singled out.

"Yes, because we're going to recreate ze circumstances zat sent me zere in ze first place." Spy dug into one of his pockets and produced a tightly wrapped bundle that cast a pulsating heat even Pyro could feel.

"What's tha'? I'm feelin' some bad mojo comin' off tha' thing."

"It's twenty four ounces of ze rarest and most unstable element on earth: Australium!" The tiny napkin unfolded as beams of golden light streamed through before a blinding flash erupted from within only to reveal the small chunk of radiant stone resting on the empty oil drum. The mercs were in awe; only briefly had they ever seen the nearly unobtainable element, and whenever they did, it was (poorly) contained within a case that was being exposed to just about any and every type of ordinance as the two teams rushed to strap it to a rocket being piloted by a monkey.

Australium looked nearly identical to gold except that it had a faint green tint to its sheen and it acted as its own source of light. Needless to say, Australium is extremely radioactive and that amount was more than enough cause for the rest of the mercs to take cover behind whatever they could.

"Dammit, Spy! How the hell you'd even GET that much Australium anyway?!" echoed Engie's voice around the courtyard from wherever he has hiding.

"I've been taking small samples from ze carrier case whenever we partake in zose 'Doomsday' missions." Spy smiled, he was actually really proud of himself for that feat especially since Australium was nearly impossible to get away from the Australians in the first place, so smuggling even a fraction of the finite amount that had made its way off the island country was no small undertaking.

"When I was first sent to Equestria," Spy shouted into the air, addressing his comrades who were still cowering from the exposed radiation, "zere were three zings zat I was exposed to: an overcharge from ze Cow Mangler, ze radiation from ze Australium, and finally, zis…" The saboteur flipped his wrist around and produced a beautiful knife with a carved handle. "Your Eternal Reward. Its unstable and rapid ability to make me shape-shift no doubt had a part in my sudden relocation…and since I doubt you want to trust ze Bombinomicon, zis is ze only way we're going to be able to chase after Gray Mann and ze Horsemann."

Pyro sprang out from underneath the stairs and stood at attention, an act so sudden that Spy accidentally allowed his face to show his surprise. Spy quickly regained his composure and nodded. Demoman soon followed and took his place next to Pyro, who was nothing less than ecstatic that the old gang was back together again.

"Anyone else?"

...

"Alright, let us move." Spy picked up his mysterious dagger in one hand while raising the open bundle of glowing mass in the other, and with one swift motion, plunged the Eternal Reward into the metal carcass of the Cow Mangler. All was silent for a moment (long enough to make Spy start to feel REALLY stupid) before a surge of energy rocketed out from the Mangler and engulfed the brave mercenaries in a swirling vortex before vanishing as quickly as it had materialized.

-x-x-X-x-x-

What they saw upon emerging was far more shocking: Equestria had fallen. The once picturesque view of the Crystal Empire ha been replaced with red skies darkened with a thick blanket of smog and ash that churned from within the massive carrier tank that loomed behind the Crystal Palace like an alien tumor. All around the perimeter robots could be seen patrolling en masse as more tanks were being deployed out to destroy whatever was left on this once magical world.

Things were not well in the land of Equestria.

Author's Note

Yay, new chapter!

I know that this took longer than it should and I'll tell you why: I really didn't want to do this chapter. This is the chapter before all the fun stuff starts so I had to fill in some gaps and set up what's to come in this chapter and I just kept putting it off until TheBobulator said he'd fire me from my hobby if I didn't have this up 2 days ago. Oops.

Also I did my read through of this at about 5am so if I missed something completely obvious, refferee will point it out to me because he's now officially "that guy." You know the one.

Chapter 6: Super Speedy Robot Rampage 6000

Disclaimer: I don't own My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic or any of the characters, nor do I own Team Fortress 2 or any of its characters. I do, however, own Copper Head. Frosty Winds belongs to TheBobulator.

"This is stupid," Frosty Winds said with a heavy sigh as the armored pegasus finished his report all the while trying to catch his breath.

Frosty squinted slightly as the harsh desert sun gleamed brightly off of the soldier's polished golden armor. The glaring sun coupled with the infrequent gusts created hot wind that blew dirt and sand into every crack and crevasse…and not just in the aging buildings that had been erected when the first ponies settled Appleloosa. The settler town had seen its fair share of hardships; countless droughts, sickness, disputes with the local tribes of buffalo, and now it was swiftly approaching its first encounter with a humanoid robot army.

The bleak, orange wasteland was not camo-friendly for the teal Frosty Winds and her shiny prosthetic left foreleg, because of this, she was forced away from her preferred scouting position. Normally, she would have donned some black fatigues to match the black cap hiding her spiky white and blue mane, but the teal pegasus would rather NOT die of heatstroke just to make her snow cloud Cutie Mark a little less visible.

"There's more; I spotted an abnormal group breaking off from the main robot forces. If I had to guess I'd say they might be regrouping with another platoon planing to strike us from the south." Frosty took a quick look around with her emerald eyes before rhythmically bonking her forehead against the table she had placed her maps upon.

"Oh yeah, because attacking from one side wasn't already- wait. What do you mean 'abnormal group'?"

The pegasus, who had removed his helmet and was busy wiping his brow, snapped back at attention. "That's just my take on it. I only spotted them as they were disappearing into the canyons and I was already heading back out of sight. Their snipers are more effective than I'd care to admit…" the scout unfolded his wings to reveal singed feathers and bloodied bandages along his sides.

Frosty's wings gave a sympathy twitch. "Right right right. Uh, how long until you think we have until those walking trashcans arrive?"

"An hour, maybe two if Heavy-bot is driving," came a tired, female voice as another gust of wind swept the dust around the owner's mint-green hooves, still dripping with freshly spilt oil as was the splattered cow skull.

"Pyra?! If you're here, then that means things really ARE as bad as I thought."

"They're worse, actually." She shook sweat and oil from her mane and mask, her lungs still burning a hole in her chest from her last encounter with the bots not long ago. Pyra really wasn't sure what to tell Frosty. She looked around from one tired pony family to the next; some of them had never left their respective towns, let alone travel all the way to Appleloosa with bloodthirsty robots hot on their trail, only to have somepony wearing a cow skull tell them that they'd have to pack up and keep running until they finally made it to Canterlot…or until the bots caught up with them. Pyra had to tell them, they had to know.

"Moon to Pyra? Moooon to Pyra. You in there?" Frosty said after a long moment of silence.

"We…we need to get these ponies out of here. Now."

"Wh-what?! Now? Pyra, we JUST got here less than an hour ago. Shouldn't the Wonderbolts be clearing out the path anyway?" In her mind, Frosty knew that wasn't true. The Wonderbolts hadn't strayed far from Cloudsdale in their fleeting attempts to purge any and all mechanical threats that might breach the floating city, saying that they might out loud not only brought a false sense of hope to anypony who might be listening but helped her stay focused that she couldn't relay on them to just show up and save the day. "Do you have any idea how hard it was to get everypony here in the first place? I don’t have the logistical knowledge to do this again! Pyra, I don’t remember the last time I slept. I’m tired. We’re tired.” Frosty gestured at the equally bedraggled pegasus standing beside her. “And I’m the one that got sworded, so I’m going to be that pony and say that it's best of we continue to bolster our position here and not-"

"ROBOTS! ROBOTS SPOTTED ON THE HILLSIDE!" the sentry's voice rang out over the dry town.

"-run like we stole something. Everypony! This is what we've been waiting for! If we hold them here, we can rest easy tonight, and tomorrow, we arrive at Canterlot! After that, I'm thinking Pony Joe's!"

The roar from the gathered fighters wasn't as booming as either mare had hoped, but they still held their heads high as they headed to where the bots would be coming in from while everypony not fit enough to fight rushed to fortify what they could. As she flew, Frosty noticed something bouncing along on Pyra's back. It looked like a worn-out bronze shield with four domes placed around a larger center one and a spike on top.

"Stop me if you've heard this one, but shouldn't that shield be a bit larger…and in front of you to be of any-"

"YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAA!!!" Pyra became a blur, surging forward faster than any pony Frosty had ever seen on land, the air behind the charging unicorn bending and swirling in a trail of raw power. Pyra swung her head to the left and made a sharp turn before slamming hard against an invisible wall with a thunderous crash that sounded almost like cheering. Frosty was so amazed that she almost didn't notice the now very visible Spy-bot leaking something similar to what had been splashed along Pyra's hooves earlier as it sputtered from the fresh puncture wound left in its chest before being tossed aside like a trash bag.

Frosty landed beside her, but went unnoticed. Pyra was too focused on the line of robots swiftly making their way toward her to say anything while her brain raced to come up with a scenario that didn't end with her becoming a trophy for some mechanical murderer. "And here I was using the 'kick up dust and swing wildly' method. How'd you do that anyway?"

Pyra shook her head, realizing that there was somepony talking to her. "It's all thanks to the Splendid Screen- er, my shield. It lets me 'charge' for a short distance and makes me hit REALLY hard. I had Twilight look at it once, but she said she couldn't sense anything magical in nature about it, even when I was using it."

"Hm. You sure it's safe to use, then?"

Pyra smirked under her mask. "You saw what it did to that Spy, dangerous or not it does what I need it to…although, I'm not sure it'll be enough to hold off all of that." Pyra looked out again, trying to single out any commanders or high-value targets she should focus on first. Among the rabble was a few towering Solder-bots and one Heavy-bot with a host of smaller Medic-bots zipping around behind it as if to braid the numerous Medigun beams connected to the hulk's back. She didn't have to try to count how many tanks they brought with them; the smoke that spewed forth from the rear line gave off their numbers and filled Pyra with a sense of despair since just one of them could detonate with enough force to reduce Appleloosa to nothing more than particles in the wind. With any luck, they might-

"HEY YOU STUPID ROBOTS! WE'RE NOT AFRAID OF YOU, AND IF YOU KEEP COMING THIS WAY WE'LL SCRAP YA' JUST LIKE THE LAST BATCH!" She valiantly cried at the top of her lungs, rearing up on her hind legs and pointing at the robot horde with her prosthetic leg.

Pyra was taken aback by Frosty's sudden battle cry, yet it brought a smile to her face. Frosty's right! If those bots think they can just stomp through here-

"I really hope those big ones didn't hear that…" Frosty gulped, still holding her pose.

-then they were completely right. Pyra steeled her nerves as the line of Scout-bots rushed forward, their metal bats waving wildly in the air with sun glinting off of the various dings that had accumulated from terrorizing so many different pony settlements across Equestria.

Then something unusual happened.

A large chunk of the slender running machines stopped in their tracks as sparks jumped violently from what seemed like random spots along its body, almost if though they were being ripped apart by some unknown force. Another group followed suit, collapsing to the ground with digital cries taken from the genuine article as fiery wads of cash scattered about. The last two shuffled back to back, scanning the area around them while the rest of the artificial army looked on, just as confused as the two mares upon the hillside.

"OH CRAP, OH CRAP, OHHH DIS AIN'T GOOD."

"WE'RE GONNA GET THROUGH THIS! WE JUST GOTTA FIND WHAT'S DOIN' THIS, AN' KILL IT. SUPER EASY."

"My plan exactly." Before the second Scout-bot could react, a knife had already pierced the main circuit breaker between its shoulders and sent it crashing to the ground. The last remaining Scout-bot looked lifelessly down at its fallen comrade, its cold, orange glowing eyes flickering slightly.

Pyra and Frosty almost fell from leaning so far over in a vain attempt to see just what the hay as going on out there. Were they taunting them? Did they send in malfunctioning robots just to scare them? Had the elements finally taken their toll? What?

"Oh, c'mon! Did that last one pop smoke? I can't see!" Frosty bobbed her head impatiently trying to see what was happening past the dust that had swept around the bionic base-runner's form. Pyra's yellow eyes widened in realization: that wasn't dust, it was smoke! Smoke she had seen before, it had belonged to-

"DAMMIT! PYROS, GET OUT THERE!" The call boomed across the battlefield from the Commander-bot sitting atop one of the lumbering tanks followed by a vast amount of movement. The next wave was coming with every intention of setting the town, and everypony in it, ablaze. Pyra and Frosty raised their hooves to block the hot gust as the winds changed direction. Once it had passed they were met with an interesting development in the bot's plan of attack. Instead of marching in a line like a deadly version of red rover, they began funneling towards a single spot where a cactus was standing.

"A…cactus? Pyra, I think the heat's starting to scramble my tired little brain, but are they trying to toast a cactus? Pyra?"

"S-Spy?"

"Zat's it, you filzy machines. Come to Spy…" In the blink of an eye, Spy had dropped two of the oncoming Pyros with quick and precise shots from his revolver. The rest of them took exception to that and changed course towards the horribly outnumbered espionage specialist.

Pyra couldn't just stand there! With a deep breath she charged a short distance down the hill before breaking into a gallop. "Pyra! What the hay are you thinking?! The cactus isn't worth it! Darn it, we can find you another cactus if you really need one! Rrgh, shoot…Captain! Keep these ponies safe until I get back with Pyra! If worst comes to worst…you know the escape plan!" Frosty hesitated just long enough to see an acknowledging salute from an armored guardspony before flying after the mint justicar. "And tell everypony I know that I hate them!"

Frosty strained herself to keep pace with Pyra. Not only was she exceptionally quick for a unicorn, but the fact that she could almost continuously charge thanks to her magic/shield combo made her marginally faster. Frosty rose a bit higher, partly to get a better view of what they were seemingly blindly rushing into but also because she had seen firsthoof how devastating those flamethrowers can be if they made contact with exposed flesh.

"Why the fiery ones? Out of all of the other types of robots she could have decided to save her pet cactus from, it just HAD to be these things…" the teal pegasus said aloud, secretly hoping that Pyra would somehow hear her complaint over the commotion and turn herself around without the need for Frosty to get any closer than she was. It was the mechanical cackling that unnerved her the most, the almost a laugh/almost a chant that emitted from their voice boxes when they were near; the sound invoked visions of flame-licked buildings, ponies running in a panic, the sickening scent of burnt fur on top of roasting flesh…

Frosty shook her head. Now was not the time to be focusing on what could happen, but instead of what she could hope to spare the ponies she'd been watching over from. Suddenly, the cactus Pyra had been speeding towards vanished, and in that instant the Pyro-bots turned to the next available target: Pyra.

Or, at least they would have. "What the-" Frosty started. "Who leaves a row of novelty tennis balls out here?"

*KA-BOOOOOOOOM!!!*

The force of the surprise explosion knocked Pyra off her hooves, and the resulting shockwave blew Frosty out of the sky resulting in a painful collision with an unaware Pyra. "Ugh…you sure are heavy for something that flies…"

"You're right, it was totally selfish of me to break my spine on your thick, metal shield. Luna forbid I inconvenience you be bleeding all over that big spike in the middle." Frosty let her head flop across Pyra's shield only to come face-to-shins with another robot. "Pyra? What does a red robot mean?" she asked quietly, hoping the answer would shed some light about which lucky death machine got to finish her off. Frosty closed her eyes as she felt a tug on her forelegs and the sensation of raising up off the ground. Frosty hesitated. Did she REALLY want to see what abomination was holding her, or would that make things worse?

Reluctantly, she peaked out from behind her eyelids to see an equally surprised eye staring back at her. "Sorry aboot tha'. Didn't think two wee ponies would come a'chargin' right up ta' me bombs."

'So the robot's apologizing? No, it has to be a trick. Can I talk my way out of this? Why doesn't this prosthetic have any weapons in it? Darn it why didn't I get any speech perks?!' Frosty looked down to Pyra for help, but to her dismay, the other strange robot was crouched over her. It was up to Frosty Winds to save the day! She took a deep breath through her nose…and almost threw up in her mouth. "Gahk! Your breath! It's like somepony blended a Quarry Eel, poured it into a sulfur pit, and then let it bake in the sun!"

"DEMOMAN!" Frosty was suddenly dropped as Lyra, her gear discarded off to the side, tackle-hugged the scottish bomber to the ground with a light thump. "You're here too?! How did- Spy, an-an-and YOU- you're both…"

"Yes, zis iz all very touching but we should probably pull back before ze rest of ze robots advance. Move!" Lyra nodded, summoning her gear to her magically as she galloped behind the two mercs already making tracks back to the "fortified" town. Frosty followed as well, wondering if she had missed something important, like, why there were two fleshy robots helping them out and why Lyra seemed to light up when she saw them. Why was there never time to explain now instead of later?

Lyra's mind was a rapid blur of thoughts and emotions, not something she strived for while in the midst of combat. How did Spy and Demoman get there? Bad things usually followed whenever they show up, were they going to have to fight off something else on top of the robots?! Lyra didn't know if she could handle anything el-

*Thock thock thock!*

The two humans skidded to a halt in front of the freshly planted ice arrows sticking up before them. "Pyra! Get out of the way so we can get a clear shot!"

"No! They're not robots! They're what the robots are trying to be, and they're on our side, so let us through!"

"I…but they look just like-"

"To be fair, I have no idea what's going on anymore. I'm not dead yet so I like these odds," Frosty offhoofedly added.

The words seemed to strike deep into all of the unicorns who heard them. The genuine articles for the bots? If that were true, then they must be a hundred times better in a fight! Or so they hoped. The C.O. waved them through, pushing the wimpy barricade aside to let them in.

"Whadda' think our chances are against tha' kind of firepower?" Tavish asked as he reloaded his stickybomb launcher.

Spy was silent for a moment while he scanned the horizon. "Not ideal; assuming zat ze ponies zat were shooting…ice at us, are ze main force we're working with, zose Soldiers are going to blast us apart before ze tanks can."

"I can keep one side covered, but I cain't fight off tha' many if they bunch up."

Pyra tried to interject. "I can distract them. The shield lets me-"

"It won't be enough. Ze Soldier's rockets will blast you skyward before you know it." Spy sneered, remembering all of the times he had been tossed about by explosives while trying to sneak by the trigger-happy american. "Ring of bombs?"

"Wha'? Eight bombs fer the whole town?! One can hardly cause dents against these bloody things."

Pyra wished she could help. While she was eternally grateful that they had arrived when they did, she had forgotten how much they bickered with each other. Her ears pricked up as her head swiveled to follow the sound. Her yellow eyes widened with fear at what she saw. "Guys! GUYS! They're here!"

The two REDs whirled, and much to their dismay, she was absolutely right. The Soldier-bots, much like their flesh counterpart, had developed a strange yet surprisingly effective method for travel: the rocket jump. Effortlessly bounding over the roadblock understudy and becoming infinitely more evasive for the undertrained unicorn archers the Soldier-bots landed heavily behind enemy lines, and began to open fire. Discord would have been proud; complete and utter chaos with only two rockets and one obliterated outhouse. Ponies ran about in a panic, rounding up loved ones and things of value while screaming at levels not thought possible for such exhausted refuges. Spy, Demoman, Pyra, and Frosty did what they could; Spy waded into their ranks before laying down as many sappers as he could before disappearing again, Demoman launched pipe bombs where their numbers were thickest sending sprays of bot parts and money flying through the air, all the while Pyra and Frosty did what they could to draw as many away from the ponies and into traps being rapidly set by the merc duo.

Despite their best efforts, more and more rocket jumpers made their way over the walls with increasing distance, one almost landing on a family before Pyra tackled it away at the last moment. Frosty had been able to delay a few of them by swooping down at the height of their arcs and bucking them back to the unforgiving ground. "DAMMIT!" the mechanical voice exclaimed with a crunch.

Frosty looped back up to position herself again when a shadow blocked out the sun in front of her. Before she could react, Frosty felt the rib-cracking grip of robotic arms wrap around her followed by the sensation of falling. Falling VERY quickly. She looked down at the spiraling ground rushing up to meet them as her suicidal captor spun itself into a fatal corkscrew. Frosty Winds struggled with all her might against the piston-powered arms but to no avail, all she could do was watch as she…shot back into the air?

"Wh-what?"

"WHAT?" The Soldier-bot seemed about as equally confused by the sudden updraft, temporally releasing its grip just enough for Frosty to snap out of her stupor before the bot could and fly to safety on a nearby roof. The Soldier was not so fortunate as it seemingly shattered upon impact with another of its kind. Frosty shook her head, flecks of cold sweat flying off her mane as she did so. What happened? The only thing she could remember was the sound of a heavy gust and a temporary pause in the sensation of falling.

Frosty didn't have much time to contemplate as another two Soldier-bots made their way up onto her roof. Frosty tried to take to the sky, but the vice grip of the previous robot had nearly crushed her wing, forcing a pained gasp as she unconsciously tucked her wing to her side. Frosty felt a great heat building up behind her, not unlike a dragon gathering breath for a tremendous fireball. The two Soldier-bots looked above her and fired their launchers. Frosty hit the deck, while the rockets, that a mere instance before were sailing towards her, arced back around a hundred and eighty degrees and returned to their points of origin. Explosively.

The blast shook the wooden roof, leaving only two scorch marks where the robots had been standing. "I gotta stop having these near-death experiences in this sun," Frosty panted looking up at the blazing ball of light beating down on her. "They're starting to get weirder and-" A large shadow loomed over Frosty, blocking out Celestia's heavenly body with its up-right form, "-weirder. You know what, just put me out of my misery. This is stupid."

"Mmmph?"

-x-x-X-x-x-

Shaking with rage wasn't something the Commander-bot thought it was capable of, but there it was, practically shaking its bolts loose atop its tank upon hearing that every single one of its bots had just been wiped out by a third of the original members of RED Team. "THAT WAS AN AMAZING KILLING SPREE…"

"REALLY? HUH, I THOUGHT WE WERE GETTIN' OUR ASSES KIC-" the Scout-bot's commentary was cut short by a interjectory comment via shovel.

"BY THE OTHER TEAM! IT'S TIMES LIKE THESE WE USE THE ANCIENT TACTIC FROM SUN-ZU'S PLAYBOOK; KEEP THROWING WARRIORS AT THE ENEMY UNTIL YOU WIN OR CLOG THE CRAP OUT OF THEIR CANNONS! DO NOT FAIL! NECROMANCY DOES NOT WORK WITH ROBOTS, THE RESULTS ARE TERRIFYING!"

With the clunky and horribly uninspiring speech about literally body slamming the enemy fortifications until they were unable to attack with all of the bodies blocking them ringing in their audio receptors, the rest of the robot army charged forward like an earth-shattering stampede.

-x-x-X-x-x-

Lyra felt her heart pump a hole through her ribcage. Even though the smoke still trailing from the desolated Soldiers blocked the full view of the thing standing behind Frosty, Lyra already knew who it was, and it brought her to tears. The tall figure scooped up Frosty and dropped down behind the wall of smoke without effort with a light thump. Frosty emerged first with a cough as she flapped away some of the smoke with her good wing to reveal the mute, rubbery arsonist with the black mask.

"Pyro…? Is- Is that you?"

Pyro nodded, hoisting his signature flamethrower up over his shoulder with one hand, while reaching for something in his belt with the other. He produced the Detonator, a modified flare gun with an extra trigger and pointed it at the horizon. Lyra and the other ponies who had since stopped panicking turned to where he was pointing as they collectively became aware that the very ground was quaking with the terrible force rampaging toward them. Panic among the ranks quickly resumed as the first of a few stray rockets exploded near the town.

"Pyro! We need to get these ponies out of here! There's no way we can fight them off…" Lyra felt a hand on her back, a feeling she had been wanting to feel for so long, and now that it was here, she couldn't enjoy it knowing that she was about to die alongside her friends. Pyro just shook his head, and although she couldn't see his face, she could almost feel the warmth of a smile beaming down at her. Pyro stood and fired a flare high into the sky, his thumb hovering over the second trigger on the back until it reached the peak of its height and then-

*Bang!*

"A~TTACK!"

Lyra jumped. The gruff voice that boomed louder than the rockets had startled her, and she could have sworn she had heard it before! Like a song being played in a new key or with a different instrument altogether. The secret defender of justice looked for the source but couldn't see anything regarding it, however, her sharp eyes did catch a few Soldier-bots launching themselves over the walls ahead of the main attack force.

'Wait, why is that one going the other way?' she wondered. The answer surprised her more than the robot who found itself on the business end of a Market Gardner.

"Let's give these soup cans hell!" Jane Doe bellowed, grabbing the ankle of another Soldier-bot on his down, laughing all the way into a tool shed with his captive.

"Was that the real Soldier?!" Lyra blurted out, tugging on Pyro's arm. He nodded happily and pointed out toward where Gray's army was advancing, namely at the two red specs standing in their way. One of the two was much larger than the other, that much was clear even at this distance, and in his hands he wielded some large cylinder while the slender of the duo appeared to have a faint red glow swirling around him. Lyra squinted in defiance of the sunlight but was unable to make out anything more.

"Here, try this."

"Oh, thank you," Lyra smiled as she magically gripped the device handed to her and peered through the glass tube at the top. The amplified vision gave her the information she needed about just who she was looking at; the large man spraying lead and rapidly thinning the robot forces was Heavy, and the other wearing a long lab coat was Medic! Lyra watched in awe as the people she had heard countless stories about from Pyro were really here to save the day! Heavy stopped firing after about twelve seconds with an angered look before beckoning the Medic as they both retreated back toward them. The team made it back with surprising speed, Heavy tossing the german doktor over the wall first before smashing his way through an already damaged portion as though it were straw.

"Wow! You guys were amazing!" Lyra exclaimed. Heavy and Medic were both taken aback from the sight of a talking pony, something they were still getting used to, but they both nodded their thanks before regrouping with their peers. "Thanks again for letting me borrow your, uh- sniper rifle?! Who-"

"One moment, love." Rough hands that knew every inch of every part of said gun gripped the wooden frame as they had done an infinite number of times before. "Steady, steady…" The thin man took in a breath and held it for a moment. His eyes scanned every robot charging forward from behind both his scope and his lightly tinted glasses before picking a target: the center-most Medic-bot trailing behind the giant Deflector Heavy. He exhaled slowly, squeezing the trigger as he did so with a loud bang from the end of the long barrel.

The bullet raced across the field, zipping through impossible gaps among the robots before burrowing right between the chosen Medic-bots visual receptors. The resulting surge of power from the explosion jumped a short distance to the others with similar effects. The Deflector Heavy, turned as his precious healers crumpled with synchronized/synthesized screams, it looked back around to where the shot had come from just in time see the very same caliber bullet slice through its eye.

Lyra could do precious little but stare as an almost evil smile crept across the man's face, his eyes were the same; intense, focused, and almost soul-piercing. These traces of something darker quickly faded as he turned to Lyra and took off his hat to bare his slick black hair to the light.

"Name's Mr. Mundy, professional assassin," Sniper said doffing his hat back on his head.

"I know who you are! You're RED Team's Sniper, the best shot in the world! I remember hearing stories of how awesome you are from Pyro." Lyra blushed a little at that last part, she knew she blurted things out when she got excited.

Sniper looked puzzled. "He did, did he? Well, that's a bit of alright! Good to know my reputation travels this far across, uh, wherever we are. Heh." Sniper realized that there was something truly outstanding standing on four legs before him; not only was she a talking, magical unicorn…but she could actually understand Pyro! "I'm sorry, but did you said that Pyro, PYRO, told you about us? How the hell did he manage that with the, uh…mask?" the australian asked making a circular motion around his questioning face.

"Huh? Do you guys not have access to Pyroland?"

Mr. Mundy almost dropped his jar filled with some strange liquid. "Pyroland?! Bloody hell, just thinkin' about that place gives me the creeps. I suppose that makes sense, 'bout the only licka' sense to come outta that train wreck," Sniper admitted uncomfortably.

Lyra felt a pair of arms wrap around her waist and left her up just in time for Soldier, Heavy, Medic, and Demoman to come rushing by before making their way to the wall to face the robots head-on. Lyra looked back at the one who had scooped her up, no surprise, her savior was once again Pyro. "Murrph murmur, hudda murah."

"That's okay, I didn't plan on risking my neck out there anyway," she said with a smile. Pyro carried her a ways, finally plopped her down next to where Sniper had taken position in one of the taller buildings that still had an un-demolished second floor and pointed at the floor in a "stay" type of motion before heading out to join the others.

"Don't look so glum, Lyra? Is that your name?" Lyra nodded. "Right. We have a plan for this kind of scenario, works like a charm."

"Ooh, what is it?" Lyra cooed.

"A Level Three Sentry Gun, by yours truly." Lyra looked up at what she was sure was a member of the Apple Family only to see a short man wearing a yellow hard hat and goggles. "Howdy, little filly. Name's Dell Conagher, but you can call me what the rest of these yahoos refer to me as: Engineer. Or 'Engie' for short."

"Charmed. I'm Lyra, always a pleasure to meet one of Pyro's friends." Lyra extended a hoof that was gently yet firmly grasped by Mr. Conagher's gloved hand in a term Lyra had coined as an "arm-crank."

"Yeah, 'friend.' To be honest, I'm sure he's talked quite a bit about you too, but between the mumbling, gunfire, and the undeniable fact that we all thought Pyro was playing with fewer cards than he usually does when he told us 'bout this place, we know very little about you. No offense, miss."

Lyra tilted her head to the side and let the corresponding ear flop while perking the other in the air, something the two mercenaries both thought was adorable but would have never admitted that fact without hours of torture. "Oh? Aren't you guys…friends? I mean, you've all worked together for years, so shouldn't you be friends?"

"We're not so much friends as we are professionals. SOME of us are, anyway…" Sniper grumbled under his breath.

"That reminds me." The Engineer wondered over to a red toolbox and gave it a light kick. The box didn't open the way Lyra thought it would, instead it unfolded into a small metal platform that quickly began to spin until a disk of red light began to shine. A moment later, a bright flash erupted from it, and there stood the youngest looking human Lyra had ever seen up close.

"'Bout freakin' time, hardhat. I was waitin' out there fer- is that a green unicorn sittin' right there?" Lyra trotted over happily, excited that she was able to meet yet another- "Can we ride him?"

Lyra's enthusiasm quickly died. And while she as able to maintain her smile, her eyes flashed bloody murder along with the vein in her forehead. "I'm a mare, thank you very much. From your appearance, and seeing as you're the last one I haven't met, you must be the Scout."

"Ho-ly CRAP! Engie, it talks! It freakin'- so that means Pyro wasn't just blowin' smoke out his ass! Whoa wait whoa; LAST one? Is everyone else here?!" The other three nodded. "I gotta run!" Scout ejected a shell from his scattergun and just as soon as he'd arrived, he was gone, already halfway across town and closing fast on the rest of his team, even at this distance they could still hear him shout something about Heavy beating him there.

Engie hefted another toolbox over his shoulder with a grunt. "I'm gonna move this gear up, care to join, Lyra?" Lyra's eyes sparkled with delight at the thought of helping Pyro and crew in battle, but…

"Pyro told me to stay here, where it's safe. He worries about me."

"Trust me, with this helpin' out, you'll be safer than Australium bar in Hale's vault."

-x-x-X-x-x-

Gray Mann threw down his glass, anger flaring in his eyes at what his daughter was telling him. "What do you mean 'the RED Team left,' where could they have possibly gone?!"

"I-I don't know, daddy! One day they were here, and the next thing I knew, BLU Team had taken their place! I even had to repaint all the robots…"

Gray could feel a migraine kicking down his door. 'What could this mean? Did they somehow find out where I went? No, no that's impossible. They would have had to have a contact here and I seriously doubt those morons could figure out para-dimensional travel. Wait, their Engineer is a Conagher, Radigan's grandson! Damn…' Gray stood, pacing about in front of the massive screen portraying his daughter's worried face. "Commander, what is the situation on your end?"

Static was all he could hear.

"Commander, WHAT is your status?"

The silence was deafening.

"Commander, you piece of scrap; THIS IS YOUR MAKER! ANSWER ME!"

After a few more agonizing seconds, a crackle came over the radio. It sounded like one of his bots trying to say something, but it was garbled and drowned out by what sounded like a chinese firework factory being rented out by the N.R.A.

"MERC- *ZZZZTZZZ* -RIES! GAAAA~*" Gray slammed his wrinkled fists against his desk and was silent. Olivia, not sure what to say at this point, slowly inched her way offscreen before reaching over with her little arm to hit the disconnect button.

"Alright, Hale. I see your little game; you want to put a Mann Co. expansion here, don't you? Well, we'll see how your little bastards hold out against my newest creations."

Author's Note

Wouldn't be much of a team if all 9 weren't there, huh?

The team gathers to smack down Gray's forces! But what tricks does Gray have up his sleeves?

A big thank you to TheBobulator for letting me cameo Frosty Winds from his story Fallout Equestria: Memories and for writing most of Frosty's dialogue for this chapter!