It's a Question Mark! It's an Exclamation Point! No! It's an Interrobang! A Motherfuckin' Interrobang!
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It's a Question Mark! It's an Exclamation Point! No! It's an Interrobang! A Motherfuckin' Interrobang!
Twilight Sparkle flapped her wings about, settling down onto her bed. Being the Princess of Equestria wasn’t all it was cracked up to be, and instead of fairies and glitter like all her imaginary friends told her it would be about, it was mostly about answering to annoying old stallions about outdated laws. Stupid imaginary friends! Twilight was glad she stopped believing in them, especially Applejack.
However, being a princess did have its advantages. This room was pretty bitchin’. Cool tapestries depicting wars Equestria had won, such as the War of the Crystal, and wars that Equestria had lost, like the War of the Onion.
There were also one large tapestry of the world’s true leader, Shrek. Shrek had invaded the world of Equus three years after an event known as “The Onioning,” wherein the sun was turned from a star into an onion, thus becoming the sunion. Shrek had come down from the sunion, and started conquering the world systematically. He had left Equestria for last, and after a bloody two-month war, the ogrelord reigned supreme. All the heads of countries reported to him now, which included both Celestia and Twilight.
Twilight reached for her trashy romance novel, one of the few things that kept her going throughout this miserable experience. It was about a stallion was had been sent to a small town to make some friends, but all the mares kept falling in love with him! Utter garbage.
Sighing, she used her magic to turn the page, but in her sleepiness accidentally ended up tearing the page.
“Oh no!” Twilight exclaimed, reaching for some tape, which she always kept handy in her bedside drawer. Unfortunately, she ended up bumping the lamp, where it tumbled to the floor and broke.
“Oh no!” Twilight said in distress, and attempted to cast a simple levitation spell. Unfortunately, she was fucking up pretty terribly that night, and instead shot a bolt of concentrated magic up into the ceiling.
“Oh no!”
Suddenly, the far side of her room’s wall caved in, and a giant pitcher of red liquid with what appeared to be a face on it burst into Princess Twilight Sparkle’s Private Chambers. “Oh yeah!”
Twilight screamed. She had faced down hoards of shape-shifting bugs, a corrupted princess, and evil king, and a crazed god, but this horrific eldritch abomination of a drink was too much to bear. Twilight could feel herself begin to grow woozy, and she felt as though she could faint at any moment.
“Not so fast, you refreshing fiend!” came a heroic voice. Twilight looked over, and saw something tall and black flying down from the sky. The strange creature that had smashed through her wall looked over, and his moth opened in surprise.
“No!” it said in a voice suspiciously close to Seth McFarlen’s. “My sworn enemy!”
Twilight could hardly believe her eyes. She had read about what was swooping down from the sky currently in ancient texts, but she never dared believe the legends to be true! It was... it was...
“An interrobang!” Twilight said in awe. Indeed it was; the black mass in the sky was now defined, a perfect combination of the exclamation point and the question mark, savior of writers and alicorn princesses alike.
The pitcher of juice screamed in ungodly horror, and attempted to run, but it was too late. The interrobang was already upon it, and with a daring swoop, smashed into the glass monstrosity. It lost its balance, and fell to the floor, shattering into a million pieces, its life juice slashing all across the room.
“Y-you...” Twilight stammered, too in awe to notice or care about the chunk of broken glass in her forehead. She shivered in excitement, juice dropping from her body in little rivulets. “You saved me!”
“All a part of my job, ma’am,” said the interrobang politely. Just as he turned to fly away to save some other helpless bitch, Twilight called out for him to stop.
“Stop!” Twilight called out. “Is there any way I can repay you?”
“Well,” the interrobang said devilishly. “There is one way...” As he said this, his exclamation point part of his body fell from under the curve of the question mark, landing so that it was parallel to the ground.
“Oh!” Twilight said, blushing at the naughty sight. Time to use her classic Victorian-Era roleplay speech! “Please, Mr. Interrobang! Take me away!”
The interrobang, balancing on it’s one ball, which made up the collective end of the exclamation point and question mark alike, hopped up onto the bed. Twilight, already aroused by the carnage she had just witnessed, spread her legs, her moist vagina ready for the sexing.
The interrobang laughed a manly laugh, and pushed his exclamation up towards Twilight’s entrance. Twilight gasped in femininity, and bit her lower lip as the interrobang entered her.
The interrobang was huge. She could feel her walls being stretched, being opened up by this raw hunk of punctuation. The interrobang thrust inward, opening her up even more. Twilight let loose a small scream of ecstasy, and began to think about how the only thing that could make this moment more perfect was some ecstasy.
The interrobang was a straight shooter though, he didn’t do no drugs. Instead, he just pounded away at the purple pony pussy before him, enjoying the entrapping, enwrapping, enriching folds of Princess Twilight Sparkle.
The two continued to make heavily passion in the bed for quite some time. Twilight would mona and scream, the interrobang would chuckle and thrust, and the two would be bound together by love that only a nerd and an often-unused piece of punctuation can experience.
Sadly, no matter how mighty and manly the interrobang truly was, he simply could not last forever. Deep within his one mighty ball, which also doubled as his float bladder (which allows him to fly), he felt the pressure that all males feel when getting some tight poon (or man pussy, I ain’t one to judge my gay girlfriends out there). The interrobang made a noise so inconceivably manly, that Twilight felt one of her X chromosomes turn into a Y one for just a moment.
The interrobang came, jet black ink-cum shooting into her uterine folds. Twilight came shortly thereafter, a small splash of marecum interlacing the indiana ink. THe interrobang pulled out, and floated towards the hole in the wall.
“Wait!” Twilight called out. The interrobang stopped, then turned around. Twilight stared back at him, a tear in her eye.
“Yes, my love?” The interrobang asked, his voice covering Twilight in honey.
“Will I ever see you again?”
The interrobang held his breath. The two stared at each other in suspenseful silence, before the interrobang finally said,
“Hell naw, bitch!”
The punctuation flew away, and Twilight sighed, falling back onto her bed, dreaming off the best moment of her life, which had just occurred.
“And that’s how you three came to be!” Twilight finished. She was a bit older now, but since alicorns don’t show signs of aging or some bullshit, she looked exactly the same. She was talking to non-other than her three children.
“Wow, you were kinda a doormat in that story, mom,” said the em-dash. “Way to sever as an example for a strong, independent mare.”
“Well, I—” Twilight began, but her semicolon child interrupted her.
“Also, if you’re going to describe the sex, at least do it right. You kinda started, then half-assed the rest of it. Sweet Pony Jesus, you’re a bit of a bitch.”
“Hey, that’s not—” Twilight tried to say again, but was cut off once more.
“Yeah, and what’s the deal with airline food?”
“God fucking dammit, Jerry Seinfeld,” Twilight raged. “I’m beginning to think giving birth to you was a mistake!”
