Plungers 2

by The panzie man

Rating: teen
Tags: Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Spike, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Adventure, Human, Main 6, Princess Luna
Length: 6114

A story about panzie's triumphant return

Panzie returns in this story of science, magic, and plot zombies. Can twilight sparkle help the armored protagonist return home before he goes insane?

Published 2013-10-06 14:30:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-10-06 14:30:03 UTC

Plungers 2

NOTE: I found this in one of my old writing folders, so it's been hiding for the past few months, I also do not remember if I proofread this, so if there are any grammar mistakes, tough titty. also- I'm not making a plungers 3. Enjoy the story.

The moon is a beautiful thing. It’s pitted, crater filled surface shining with opalescent glory, stolen from it’s sister, the sun. On a clear, crisp night it may shine brightly across the quiet mid-night world below. On one such night, in the small village of ponyville, a purple unicorn pony stared longingly into the moons cratered visage.

Twilight sat leaned against the soft bark of her home, staring into the moon and the many twinkling stars flanking it. Another late night spent studying alone in her giant woody home Pouring over ancient books and thinking over magical mysteries and various other written works and experiments.
It was getting late, and the moon hung silently in the sky above. It’s reflected light shone across the countryside of equestria in powerful rays of midnight white. Twi sipped from a small teacup nearby. it wafted with heat as she lifted it. With her magic, she moved a small cylindrical device near her eyes and scanned the moon above. It’s pitted surface told the story of billions of meteor collisions over millions of years. Twilight rolled over the celestial body with her telescope, a present from celestia. She moved it from her eyes for another sip of tea when a glint through the scope caught the corner of her eye. She lowered the cup again and searched the surface for the strange glint of light.

Panzie floated aimlessly on the surface of the moon. Fortunately for him, he apparently didn’t need air here due to the same spell used to send him here, otherwise he would have certainly asphyxiated days ago. Unfortunately, the spell also removed any way for him to get off this crappy satellite. Only four days on it and he could already tell why luna had called it a prison. Boredom, plain and simple. Sure the low gravity was cool, but floating around and kicking moonrocks got pretty old after a couple hours. He tried everything, talking to himself, playing tic tac toe with a painted rock named skippy. All failed, and the stupid rock only insulted him and committed suicide by jumping into space. He hated skippy.

Regardless of his hatred toward both a black moon rock and a certain rainbow maned alicorn, he had nothing but time to figure out a way off this damnable moon. Panzie shifted slightly, bouncing off some kind of invisible barrier and back onto the moon’s surface below. Panzie prepared to kick another rock, but a strange purple light surrounded him in a swirling inferno. Panzie’s eyes widened in surprise, he quickly attempted to sprint out of the magical spiral, having already established a strong distrust in magic in his short time in equestria. Too late, the vortex pulled him in and his vision filled with light as he was surrounded by a loud buzzing noise. Panzie felt a slight pulling and a sense of severe vertigo, then felt as if he were being stretched over a distance of miles. He scratched outward desperately before disappearing into the vortex, leaving thin furrows in the soft dust of the moon. Skippy sat smugly, half buried in sand, silently laughing at the misfortune of the armored protagonist.

A large bang! sent panzie rolling along a thick wooden floor, colliding with a wall of books and making a loud thump. Panzie groaned, his body upside down with his lower legs splayed against the wall. The bookcase he slammed against began to wobble and shake and he stared in surprise. He instinctively held his hands upward to ward off the inevitable avalanche of papery doom. A single book fell unceremoniously out of the tightly packed bookcase and heavily plopped onto panzie’s helmet visor. He stared at the book through the lens, a look of mild annoyance portraying his current stormy demeanor. Please don’t be celestia, He thought silently before knocking the book,breaking the 4th wall for dummies, from his helmet and flipping over into a crouch. Now in a more dignified position, he took the time to investigate his surroundings more closely. He was in a large, brown, natural looking, somewhat circular room filled to the brim with bookshelves and stacks of books occupying the few multicolored end tables scattered about the place in mitch matched abandon. In the center, the remnants of the swirling purple vortex were just beginning to dissipate, revealing a lavender colored unicorn looking him over with a curious, if slightly inquisitive, smile.

“Hello!,” she said cheerfully, fully intent on opening relations with this strange visitor. “My name is twilight sparkle.” she finished, lifting a hoof to her chest.

“er...uh...I’m panzie.” he murmured as he liftied himself from the floor. He stood and wiped some errant moon dust from his armor, the dust rolling away in small eggshell colored clouds.

“Omgosh I have so many questions, first do you breathe oxygen like we do? How do you know how to speak our language? Are you male or fe-”

“Whoa, whoa, calm down there,” he said, raising his hands to stop the barrage of questions,”one at a time please”

The purple unicorn seemed to get her excitement under control, popping a couple of sterile-white pills that appeared to calm her down even further.

“Sorry,” she said sheepishly “If I don’t take my meds I tend to get a bit anxious.”

She turned her head from the strange armored visitor toward a thick set of wooden steps that seemed to have been grown from the home itself rather than being simply built in.

“Spike! Please bring some tea down.” She said sweetly. “Okay twilight, be down in a second” a younger voice said from up the stairs. Panzie estimated he couldn’t be any older than fifteen...well, no older than fifteen human years. Twilight turned to panzie with a smile.

“That’s spike,” She said, “He’s a dragon!”

Panzie;s eyes widened. Sure he had fought off celestia and her mad plungers, but a dragon, no matter how small sounding, was a creature he actually knew stories about. Mostly they were gigantic creatures who could breathe fire and had an strange craving for whisking away pretty blond haired damsels. At least that’s what all the fiction books tended to agree. In only a few seconds, a small purple dragon with green ridge like protrusions on his back made his way down the steps while breathing fire on some small tea cups. Pretty difficult given his short stubby legs. Not at all what panzie expected a dragon to look like.

“You’re a little...short, for a dragon aren’t you?” Panzie half-asked with a quizzical expression under his helmet.

Spike turned to the armored protagonist with a sardonic scowl. “Aren’t you too stupid to be an asshole?”

“SPIKE!,” Twilight yelled in anger and embarrassment, “You know better than to use that language! Do you want to go back to uncle crackles! You know what he’ll make you do.”

Spike’s eyes widened in fear, he very nearly dropped the tray of steaming hot tea.

“Nonononono,” he said frantically “One naked puppet show is enough for me thank you.”

Twilight eyed her protege’ angrily until he lowered the tea onto a table between panzie and twilight. Panzie turned to the purple unicorn while daintily picking up one of the pieces of fine china steaming with tea.

“so...Were you the one who saved me from that blasted moon?” He asked sincerely. Upon hearing it, twilight beamed with pride. “Yes! I made that spell just for the purpose of bringing you here. I mean, imagine my surprise when I look through my telescope and see a CREATURE! on the moon.” She was getting giddy with excitement again, so she tossed in another of the small white pills. Her face contorted in disgust before continuing in a more subdued excitement.

“Thank you,” He said with genuine smile “I didn’t know how long I would be stuck up there. You truly saved me.” good to see not every pony is either crazy or out to kill me, He thought to himself.

“I’m just curious...” She began, “How did you get up there? I’m sure the princess would love to know so she or I can help you.”

Panzie stiffened, “urm...what princess?” He asked, suddenly on edge

“Princess celestia of course!” She said without any hesitation. “She’s been my teacher for ages.”

Panzie suddenly got the feeling he was in deep trouble, very deep, Deeper than a Chilean miner playing dig dug. Maybe even deeper than a lead turd in a swimming pool. If she knows celestia, she could easily tell her I’m here and I’ll just end up back on the moon...but maybe...I can get her to send me back home, she is magical after all. Panzie thought carefully.

“No need for that my friend,” He said in feigned cheer “I was simply...doing...activities..i was doing magic and the experiment went horribly wrong, sending me onto your world’s moon!” He continued, piecing together a passable excuse as he went.

“Oh, okay.” She said, then brightened as a thought came into her head. “So you study magic too!” She continued.

Panzie mentally slapped himself before replying. “Well yeah uh...but it doesn’t work in this world” It had been a lie, panzie had no idea how magic worked, and he certainly wasn’t able to use any. In this world or otherwise.

“Aww, that’s too bad” She said slightly downtrodden. “Do you think If we work on it we can fix it?”

Panzie knew this was probably his only option of keeping her from messaging celestia. molestia His mind interjected. So he had no other choice but to answer yes.

The next several hours were spent with the patient unicorn tirelessly trying to teach the armored protagonist how to even do basic magic. Unfortunately it soon became apparent that it was more like teaching a rock to do do yoga while flying a kite and dancing on a unicycle. By the third hour she was completely exhausted. She sat down in a sweaty heap, having channeled a lot of magic to simply show the brute how. unfortunately for her it hadn’t worked. She magically reached for her pills and opened them, only for her to realize the small pill bottle was empty. Panzie sat lounged near the wall, watching her and waiting for the next lesson, albeit looking distracted.

“Panzie,” She said, “Can you go into that room and bring me more of my pills? They are in a yellow pill bottle.”

Panzie nodded and headed for the room she had mentioned. His mind however, truly was on other things, namely how to get home. Seeing the medicine cabinet full of various pills and magical ailment cures, he leaned against the wall nearby, lost in thought.

“Panzie?” Twilight asked from the other room. It brought him out of his stupor and he quickly grabbed hold of the yellow pill bottle, unfortunately the lid slipped off and the small white pills dropped into the drain in the sink below. He groaned, then furiously searched for more. No luck. Panzie saw another bottle, this one red, he quickly unscrewed it’s cap and poured a health portion into the yellow pill bottle, then sealed both of them and brought the appropriate bottle into the main room of twilight’s tree-house. Twilight smiled as he handed them to her. She quickly tossed to blue pills into her mouth without looking at them.

“I think it’s time we took a break,” She said, quite obviously tired from the ordeal of trying to teach to the unteachable. “Maybe you should explore ponyville.” She continued.

Panzie nodded, it would give him plenty of time to formulate a plan. Maybe he would also get some of that tasty cider that this town was apparently known for. Panzie strolled out of twilight’s home, a large hollowed out tree that served as the town’s library. The small village of ponyville stretched below the hill twilight’s house sat upon. Quaint buildings, similar to the town he had visited after escaping celestia were scattered throughout, but a few unique buildings were also placed sporadically through the town between dirt roads.

The townsfolk were busy this early in the day, either working at stalls, chatting with each other, or just carrying on about their business. They paid little heed to the strange bipedal creature walking in their midsts. There were some of all colors and sizes. Blue, yellow, large, tiny, earth, pegasus, unicorn. They were all happy, content. Through the droves of ponies, panzie saw a large, brown colored establishment. It was of considerably darker build than the buildings surrounding it, and its stark brown front almost seemed hostile.. A sign hung limply above the door. A giant wooden leaf in the wind. It was round, with gilded letters spelling “The prancing pegasus”. Panzie entered, curious as to the building’s darker persona than the other buildings he had seen.

The inside of the building was surprisingly pleasant compared to the dark, foreboding exterior. Once inside, panzie could easily tell it was a bar. There was extensive use of brown and neon green in the bar, with lightshades casting green-tinted light over the dark brown wooden seats and tables, and the brown-red upholstery Only two ponies inhabited the bar at this time one of whom a dark brown barkeep with indigo hair. He nodded at panzie as the armored protagonist took a seat on a very comfortable green stool set perfectly to allow a pony to drink without bother. Panzie found that the seat fit him well enough. Through a small stained-glass window, panzie could see that the sun was beginning to set outside. Panzie turned to the barkeep and ordered a drink. They didn’t have wild turkey, or jack daniels, much to panzie’s shagrin, however, they did have pony versions of most drinks panzie knew. wild pegasus, jackass daniels, and apparently some world famous cider. Panzie tried the cider. it was thick, but far too sweet for his taste. He traded for a bottle of wild pegasus and slowly sipped it down while continuing his attempt to put everything into perspective. A door slammed open and a brownish pony entered, brows furrowed in anger. She removed an old cowboy hat and flipped it onto a hat rack with practiced ease, then abruptly settled into a chair near panzie, making sure to keep at least one empty seat between them. as per common courtesy. The brown pony immediately ordered a “hoofington slammer”. The bar pony silently set a fizzy brown drink atop the bar, which was quickly snatched up by the brown pony and gulped down. She wiped the leftover tan film from her mouth and lightly set the drink down.

“New in town?” She asked, staring into her half empty drink thoughtfully.

Panzie was too busy thinking of home for the pony’s question to register instantly. he suddenly realized he was the only one close enough for the pony to actually ask, and the only one who was obviously not from this town.

“Uh...yeah” He said absently, taking another sip from his drink.

“Welcome to the middle of nowhere!” She said sarcastically.

Panzie picked up on her sarcasm, then silently looked the brown earth pony over. She looked tired, and her hair was unkempt.

“You seem down, what’s eating you?” He asked sincerely.

she turned to him with a dark look in her eyes. “Day after day of working on my apple farm with nothing new in sight, and half the people I know are insane. Now a pair of jackoffs are running me out of the cider business.”

She visibly deflated, then took another long swig of her fizzy alcoholic beverage. Panzie frowned under his helmet. It wasn’t like he should really care, but pony or not, he wasn’t the kind of person to let someone else stay down in the dumps. Besides, other than possible depression, this would be the second pony he met who wasn’t at least a little insane.

“I’m sure everything will turn out for the b-” Before he could finish, a thick slam made the pair jerk in surprise. Behind them, a small yellow pony frantically ran from the freshly slammed door to the brown earth pony. She was small, with deep red hair and a soft-toned magenta bow affixed at the crest of her hair. Strangely, she didn’t have one of the distinctive marks he’d seen on every other pony.

“Applejack!” She cried shrilly in a accent nearly as deep as the brown pony sharing the bar with panzie. The brown pony dropped her drink, spilling brownish foam across the bar, getting more than a little on both panzie and the bar pony. She jumped from her seat and ran to meet the smaller pony in the center of the bar.

“Twilight missed out on her meds today! She doing something bad this time!” The smaller pony Exclaimed.

“HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YUH NOT TUH INTERRUPT MY DRINKIN APPLEBLOOM!” Applejack roared at her sister.

Applebloom wilted and stepped backward. “n-now sis, please don’t hit me like you always do!”

Applejack lowered the hoof she had been about to swing, then gave a sigh.

“I’m not drunk enough to hit you sis.” She said cooly “Although I’m sure I’d like to” She added quietly.

Applebloom gave a nervous swallow and pointed to the door she had entered. “It’s bad”

Applejack nodded and walked back to the bar. She ordered several bottles of wild pegasus, then followed her sister out the door.

His curiosity piqued, panzie followed them. Only a few minutes had passed inside the bar, but outside it was nearly nightime. A thick bank of purple-black clouds hung low in the sky, with pegasi darting in and out of it with no effect on the clouds themselves. The sky flashed and a brown pegasus plummeted to the earth, smoking. Applejack and applebloom picked up pace, sprinting for the darkest portion of the clouds, a swirling nexus of purple energy and black shapes.

The swirling mealstrom surrounded the sky around twilight’s house. The tree looked dead now, brown and black crusty leaves fell away where bright green ones had been, and the soft brown tree bark was now a sickly grey. The door was torn open, revealing a purple glow inside. Panzie applebloom, and applejack sprinted through the door.

Inside, several of twilight’s friends stood tall, facing down a manic looking twilight holding the most evil looking thing panzie had ever seen.

It was a book, bound in a thick, leather like material torn and stained with innumerable ages past. Looking more closely, panzie could see the very faint images of cutie marks, some torn apart, all spattered across the leather cover. It wasn’t leather, it was pony hide. Bloody rivulets dripped from teh pages of the book, and it seemed to warp twilight’s magic as she held it. Feeding her with it’s dark energy. She cackled maniacaly, then tore open the book to the first page.

The room was filled with the sounds of far off screaming and evil laughs, deafening all who filled it. A white pony tried screaming over it. “Twilight!, don’t do it. Were here to help you dearie!”.

Twilight only laughed, and began reciting from the book, a black aura surrounding her as she did. Her voice a booming earthquake in the ears of everyone.

“KLATU! BARANUS! NICKTO!” She finished in a screech. The book burned with a blue fire, and it sent gripping tongue’s of lightning through the windows of the house into the world outside. An ear shattering boom echoed on outside, dissipating after what could only be hundreds of miles.

A yellow mare that had been trying to talk twilight down suddenly lost her resolve and sprinted out the open door, but a blast of blue fire engulfed her and she tumbled down the hill as the fire died around her as quickly as it had sprung to life. Panzie stared at the now floating twilight in awe. She wasn’t manic like before, in fact, she was calm, but she was wreathed in shadows, each dark place on her body seemed to be a portal to another hell. her eyes shone with a burning red hellfire, inviting doom to all that looked upon them. She spoke, her voice in an ethereal tone, copying itself multiple times to cause its own echo within itself.

“I AM TWILIGHT SPARKLE, MY POWERS ARE NOW BEYOND ANYTHING YOUR MORTAL MINDS CAN COMPREHEND! FEAR ME, AND PERHAPS YOUR DEATH MAY BE QUICK.”

“Forget you!” Applejack said over the din, taking a sip of wild pegasus and stepping forward proudly, “I’m getting my friend back, neighcronomicon or not!” Applejack charged, followed by a blue blur. both slammed against a shell of purple and were thrown back against the ash grey walls of twilight’s house. The blue blur revealed to be a rainbow maned blue pegasus.

Twilight laughed, a cackling, dark tinged laugh aided by the sounds of other, heavier toned voices joining her. A crack appeared in the side of her house, and for a second it appeared to stall, but the crack widened and the top of the house was blown away, to reveal a black sky snaking with streaks of blue lighting. The town itself burned with both regular, and strange colored fire, casting glowing motes into the dark clouds above.

“GODDAMIT” Panzie screamed, cutting through the roars of lighting and ethereal screams. Suddenly, everything stopped. Twilight regarded him with a mildly confused eying with her black and crimson eyes.

“WHO THE HOOF IS THIS GUY?” She said, her legionesque voice making it seem more like a statement than an actual question, she even raised a hoof to point at him.

The two ponies remaining in front of the enhanced twilight turned to each other, One, a pink pony with an equally pink mane and a cutie mark of several balloons simply shrugged and jumped back into a comical two legged battle stance.

“NO MATTER, I WILL SIMPLY KILL ALL OF YOU!” She echoed, waving her hooves overhead.

Twilight gave a burst of magic with her horn, and both panzie and the group of ponies were sent flying from the home leaving trails of purple smoke as an explosion tore through the tree-home.

Panzie opened his eyes. His visor was covered in dirt. He whiped it away and lifted himself from the ground, he rested himself on his armored knee. A sharp headache played hell with his balance. Panzie spit a globule of copper tasting blood from his mouth. He surveyed his surroundings through his dirt smudged visor.

He was near the center of ponyville. The previously pristine town had been ravaged by twilight’s power. Several buildings had already burned down, and infernos still swallowed houses , lighting the cloudy sky above with orange sporadic light. On the hill flanking Ponyville, Twilight’s decapitated home burned the sky above with purple and black energy.

Panzie looked around himself, the ponies who had tried to talk down twilight in her rise to power were scattered around, unconscious. They hadn’t had the advantage of armor that he did. A low, mournful moan echoed through the abandoned town, sending a chill through panzie’s spine. Upon hearing it, a deep feeling in panzie told him to run, a feeling he had long since learned to listen to. however...the ponies around him were defenseless to whatever was moving in. As he deliberated, another moan echoed, this one closer and as if from the voices of multiple creatures.

The second moan picked his choice for him. Panzie kneeled near applejack and lightly shook her.

“Applejack,” he said quietly. She didn’t move, rather mumbling something about her brother’s secret cellar.

Panzie shook her harder and exclaimed louder this time, straining to keep what little stealth he had. she didn’t awaken, only groaning in her slumber.

Panzie scratched the tip of his helmet, then a small lightbulb lit over his head. It disappeared as he sat down and grabbed his foot. He unclasped several nearly invisibly small clasps. He finished unclasping the last one, and his armored book fell off. HIs suit’s internal air seal releasing with a soft “swoosh”. He inched his foot to applejack’s nose. His foot touched her muzzle, it felt soft and fuzzy on the bottom of his foot.

Applejack’s eyes shot open as the smell of several weeks worth of sweaty foot smell invaded her nostrils. She recoiled from the stench, crashing into the blue pegasus lying behind her and stirring up a small cloud of ash and dust.

“Gwuaaaaaaah!” Applejack bellowed in surprise. Followed by a similar scream from Rainbow dash as as the smell wafted to her as well. Their screams brought the other two ponies around as well.

The white unicorn, rarity, gripped her head between her hooves. “ What in celestia happened?” she moaned through a visible migraine.

“I think,” Panzie began, “ I think your friend went crazy and caused what is apparently a generic apocalypse....she also blew us out of her house with a blast of...magic I guess.” Panzie explained as best he could.

“What makes you think she caused the apocalypse?” Rainbow dash asked skeptically, crossing her arms and frowning at the white armored protagonist.

“That” Panzie replied, pointing to a roiling mass down the street.

The small group stared at a slowly advancing wall of grey tinted ponies. Each had yellow glowing eyes. Some were even missing pieces. As one, they emitted a low moan that echoed across the empty streets of ponyville like an injured banshee.

“PLooooooooooooooooooot!”

The moan sent a tingle through the spines of every survivor in the group.

Applejack pointed to a treehouse some distance away. “Quick! get in applebloom’s treehouse, i don’t think they c’n follow us up there!”

Applejack galloped to the tree house, followed quickly by the remaining three ponies and the much slower bidep panzie.

Applejack made it to the treehouse first, a sturdy thing of pink and brown planks connected to both the ground and an upper watchhouse by small gangways. Rainbow dash flew in, followed by pinkie and rarity. Panzie sprinted toward the small clubhouse, the “zombies” also had the advantage of four legs, they were quickly gaining on the armored hero. Panzie continued running, nearly at the gangways for the clubhouse. Applejack repeatedly slammed her back hooves into the ramp, splintering it with each kick, trying to break it and dislodge it before the hoard was upon them.

Panzie felt a tug on his armor and forced himself to pick up speed, he was just barely ahead of the roaring mass of dead ponies. Applejack gave one final kick on the plank, dropping it to the ground. Panzie furrowed his brow and kicked as he neared the broken off plank. He slammed into the colorful broken board, grasping desperately to pull himself up. Rainbow dash grabbed him and pulled, mistaking the heaviness of his armor, she nearly dropped him. Rarity and pinkie assisted dash and pulled the protagonist onto the sturdy tree house porch in a heap.

Panzie heaved, his chest rising and falling in tune with the zombie ponies crying for plot. Dash warily eyed the mass of ponies below.

“What do they want?” She asked.

“I think it’s purty obvious sugarcube” Applejack replied, taking a pull of her whiskey.

“They’re zombies” Panzie said, rising from the floor of the clubhouse.

“Zombies?” Rarity asked, dumbfounded.

“The undead, braineaters, the walking dead.” Panzie trailed off. Rarity only stared at him under her overarching hairdo.

You’re kidding... Your land doesn’t have zombie stories...and yet it has magic.

Rarity only stared. Worse still, the other surviving ponies regarded him with equal confusion.

Panzie facepalmed, “Fine, they are dead, and they infect you by biting. Being infected KILLS YOU, and turns you into one of them.” He said as simply as possible.

The ponies gasped as one.
“b-but that’s simply impossible” Rarity barely managed to choke out.

“You’re a magical talking unicorn...and one of your friends is a magical talking pegasus...and you’re telling me this is impossible...” Panzie replied dryly, “Really?”

The ponies didn’t reply, preferring to look between themselves nervously. Only pinkie seemed to be of a different demeanor, smiling gaily, a disconcerting sight in the spooky, plot screaming cacophony.

Rarity shook herself. “ I’m afraid we may be in deeper trouble than I had imagined... I’m going to ask for help.”

Rarity lifted her horn upward, a white-blue glow enveloped the horn.

“Twilight helped me learn this spell, it let’s me send a message directly to the princess”

Panzie stiffened, and shot toward her, prepared to stop the magic as best he could. Her magic dissipate too quickly for the armored protagonist to try. A loud boom erupted in the clubhouse just as panzie prepared a backhand for the fashion pony.

A thick black-blue mist cascaded from the point of the explosion, and a familiar indigo alicorn.

“hello girls...” she said happily, then noticed the other friend of hers. “oh...hey panzie”

Panzie slowly lowered his hand, “uh...sup luna”

“So girls...and panzie, what seems to be the trouble?”

“if you don’t mind my asking,” applejack intervene, “Why didn’t celestia come?”

The ghost of a wince appeared in Luna’s features. “She’s asleep at this hour” She arched forward menacingly. “Do you have a problem with that?”

Applejack regarded her with a dull look. “Nope”

Luna smiled and asked again, more assertively this time.

“Out here,” drawled applejack. She opened the door to the treehouse. Luna stepped outside, followed by panzie and the remaining ponies. Below, the roiling mass of grey-tinged ponies clawed dully against the bark of the treetrunk helplessly. Every eye was on the nearest pony to the horde, the beautiful dark-blue alicorn stared at the mass wide-eyed. She took a step back, not taking her eyes from the sight.

“thng hnn” She mumbled almost beyond hearing.

“Excuse me?” Rarity asked, perking forward to hear the alicorn.

Luna’s knees began knocking together, and she was suddenly covered in sweat. Applejack placed a hoof on the shivering alicorn’s blue shoulder.

“Luna?”

In a flurry, the alicorn sprung into the air, her horn glowing. “THANK YOU!!!” She cried in unbridled joy before jumping headfirst into the milling horde below.

Panzie sprinted forward, trying to catch the alicorn before her suicidal jump, but he was too slow, by the time he reached over the edge of the plank porch she was already being gnawed on by the horde below.

“Aren’t they just so beautiful!?” She cheered as she was pulled to the bottom of the stinking rotten, and partially burnt horde. The survivors could only watch in horror.

“Well damn...” Applejack drawled “looks like we’re a lil bit screwed.”

Panzie stared at the roiling mass for several seconds. When no sign of luna appeared from the mass he lifted himself from the edge of the porch shaking his head.

“These goddamn ponies...”

He stepped toward the wall of the clubhouse.

“ are going to drive me insane”

He reached the wall of the clubhouse, then grabbed hold of a plank of wood.

“If I don’t”

With a heavy tug, he pulled a plank from the side of the clubhouse.

“Get my ass out of here.”

With makeshift weapon in hand, panzie jumped from the porch, rolled, then sprinted toward the center of town, directly toward twilight’s tree-home. The zombie ponies didn’t seem to notice as luna held their attention too well. The remaining elements of harmony watched in confusion as the white armored hero disappeared from sight.
...

“You know, it’s times like these I’m glad I’m actually a guy” Rarity said in finality.

By now, most of the town had already been burned to the ground by the fires caused by the deadly lightning storms above, though a few building still stood, foreboding and broken from zombie pony attacks. Panzie didn’t care, this wasn’t his world, and it wasn’t his problem, he just wanted to get back home as quickly as possible. He surmised that the book twilight sparkle was using might have a method of doing just that, but...it was definitely a long shot. Still, as he neared the broken tree-home on the hill a bit of hope budden.

To his surprise, the sprinting white armored protagonist was slammed into the dirt by a powerful sneak attack from behind. He recovered immediately, and stared into the dead eyes of a half burned light-yellow pegasus pony with a few remaining wisps of a pink mane.

hrrrnglargragargara! the monster pony moan/roared through half a jaw. Panzie jumped back to avoid another kick from the beast. With another scream, the monster pony locked eyes on panzie, a serious gaze which would chill the soul of any lesser man. Fortunately for panzie however, he’s kind of a badass.

The monster pony stared at the anti-hero with all her might, but to no avvail, panzie simply arched an eyebrow at the pony’s comical attempt to apprehend her prey. She pushed harder, reddish veins beginning to form in her eyes. Panzie scratched his head, and with one final push of forceful staring, zombieshy exploded in a massive gory explosion, sending panzie flying into the splintered door of twilight’s house.

Panzie picked himself up from the wreckage of twilight’s front door and looked around inside. a gigantic throbbing orb of purple energy floated in the center of the room, floating tornadoes of books and broken furniture around inside the wrecked half-tree. A blackened shadow of the unicorn once known as twilight floated in the center. Her entire body looked warped and torn into striking black shapes filled with holes and jagged spikes and eyes pitch black and fiery red somehow at the same time., her horn held the center of the vortex, a black spike nearly a meter long.

YOU DARE RETURN!? I WILL KILL YOU NOW, YOU WILL NOT STOP ME!

Her booming voice(s) came from every direction except where her “body” now floated. They were deeper and grated against Panzie’s very soul. Panzie nodded, and noticed the book floating at the tip of her horn, far inside her bubble of energy. With wooden plank in hand, the carrier of the action in this story launched himself at the unicorn and repeatedly smacked the small piece of wood against it. To completely and absolutely no avail.

HEH...HEHEH.PFFFTHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Twilegion laughed maniacally as she realized she was in no danger whatsoever. In fact the attacks only seemed to make her stronger. Her body stretched even further, getting more jagged and black. her pupils flattened into violent knifelike slits.

With one more powerful attack, panzie slammed the piece of wood into the shield. it splintered and a mini explosion of purple energy sent the hero flying into a spilled bookcase.

Panzie kicked off a pile of books, nursing a headache as he shakily stood back up. A heavy thump later and he was sent to the floor under a heavy pink mystery. Pinkie pie jumped up from on top of the armored protagonist.

“HEY! hey hey hey heeeeey!” the pink pony cheered and bounced around the hero, “I’ve got something for yoooooohoooo!”

Panzie blinked in surprise.

“uh...err...you...”

“RIGHT HERE!” she said, pulling a box from god knows where.

Panzie touched the box and looked into pinkie’s grinning face. Prior to this point, he had never really gotten a good look at the pony, what he saw scared him.

The pink pony’s eyes were as blue as a winter storm, their piercing blue were like spears that sunk into his heart and struck fear as deep as they could survey. There was something...off about them, something wrong.

“There’s something wrong with your eyes girl...are...you okay.”

“Why, I’m fine” she said, all cheer and happiness gone in an instant, she now sounded like a coiled serpent ready to strike. Panzie could swear he almost saw her eyes darken. She opened the box, to reveal a small device with two buttons on it.

“pleeease, push the red button.” She said, the words dripping from her mouth like venom.

Panzie looked down at the device, it was multi-colored and smooth, with only a power button and a large button in the center. he hesitantly touched the thick red button carefully.

ORBITAL FRIENDSHIP CANNON ACTIVATED, PLEASE VACATE THE AREA.

panzie couldn’t hold in one last fear fart before the entire world disappeared in a flash of rainbow color.