Farewell Equestria

by Templar22

Rating: teen
Tags: Other, Romance, Alternate Universe, Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2062

This wasn't going to be a suicide note, but finding yourself a pony in Equestria isn't really all it's cracked up to be.

So I woke up in Equestria, great huh? Nothing could be better, except unlike all those fanfics I've read I actually don't have a tragic backstory. I have a good home, friends, family, a girl friend.... and after what might've been the two most awesome weeks of my life, all I can think about is leaving, getting home, seeing herthem.
I think it's a dream, and I can only see one way to wake up, and it's a long fall.

Published 2013-10-06 21:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-10-06 21:20:02 UTC

A Note

I just don’t know what to think anymore. This isn’t going to be a suicide note, but now I just don’t know.

I’ve been living the dream. Had you asked me before, I would’ve gladly given up an arm and a leg just to visit. But after three weeks, the dream is starting to fade.
When I first woke up here, I followed the actions prescribed by most fan fics. What the heck am I doing here, why do I have hooves… I have hooves?! (Etc) This was followed by the euphoria I’m sure most people like me would feel when realizing they’ve woken up in Equestria.

Yes, you read that right. E-friggin-questria. Pretty awesome huh? Or so I had thought at first. But as time went on… not so much.

So I woke up on a hospital bed, and within a week I could walk fairly easily, and was good friends with each of the mane six, and nopony seemed to question where I had come from. I’m not sure if I could write a more uneventful self insert if I tried. This’ll sound odd, but I was almost disappointed how peaceful things were. No changeling attacks, no diamond dog shenanigans, no dragons (sans-Spike of course), no nothing! Though perhaps it’s better this way.

At first I thought I was dreaming, and rather than try pinching myself, I decided to milk it for as long as I could. I figured I had about maybe an hour of time before my alarm went off for seminary. About two days in, I started to question things. Why hadn’t I woken up yet? I had expected to go to bed in Equestria and wake up at home, like home home. I wasn’t necessarily complaining just yet, but I still wondered.

Day three I started feeling homesick. I bit into a hayburger and almost cried. I had even talked to a cow that day but still I yearned for a real burger. These ponies have NO idea how to make a good burger! I would’ve killed for an animal style right about then. But sitting there thinking about In-N-Out made me think of other things back home. Things like a certain girl who loved going out to eat at In-N-Out… But I was still enjoying myself far too much to really dwell on it, so I simply went right on hanging out with the six, listening to Octavia play, watch Celestia raise the sun, and all the other hundred and one things on my “In case of Equestria” list.

Week one past and I was getting scared. I’d tried pinching myself, taking a dip in a lake, and almost every other less than lethal wake up method I knew. I then knew I was in no dream. Had I died? I’m fairly certain heaven looks nothing like this. (that’s not to say I wasn’t loving every minute of this) Perhaps this was hell? If it was, the devil done goofed on this one. I mean, I asked somepony out! That was a bit of a miscalculation on my part as it turned out she was shier than Fluttershy. But you catch my drift. I was beginning to question if I wanted this “dream” to continue. My new question was: How do I wake up?

So I did the natural thing, I went to the library to ask the smartest pony around. It was a pity my headcannon regarding the six’s ages were correct, I would have loved to asked her out. But now came the somewhat tricky part of explaining where I was from. Perhaps I should mention that when I woke up in the hospital I uh… neglected to tell them I was originally non-equine. I figured I’d just skip all the “what’s a human?” type questions.
To my surprise, Twilight believed me within five minutes. This partly confirmed my current theory, but I’ll get back to that. She consulted with her menagerie (score one for using menagerie) of books and after about an hour of her, Spike, and I searching we came up empty hoofed. She told me she’d ask the princesses and get back to me the next day.

She did get back to me, but told me that the Princesses said not to worry, it was all in my head, blah, blah, blah BS BS BS. This also helped build up my current theory. While some things here seemed to work unnaturally in my favor, others seemed just a tad off.

For example the Princesses’ reply. It was more than a little out of character. Since when did they not have at least some useful advice? Also, everypony warming up to me so quickly? After all, a blank flank twice the age of the CMC would surely raise at least a few questions right? But no, nopony asked. Why is it they manage to understand most of the references I drop? At first I just assumed they have some kind of pony equivalent of The Lord of the Rings, but surely Scootaloo wouldn’t recognize it?!

Also, why is all I mean literally all my headcannon correct? Even some of the stuff that was more or less world building on my part? You’d think in three seasons they’d have mentioned a major deity at least once, yet while I’m here I can’t stop hearing Faust’s name!? Fluttershy is in love with Big Mac, RD’s with Soarin, Spike and Rarity just had their first date! Everything is too darn perfect! Why? Either I’m just that awesome at calling things, (fat chance of that) or this world was somehow created by me.

That and… I miss home. There, I said it. After a week in Equestria I want to go home. And I’ll do anything to get there. I miss everything about home, it’s all I can think about now. My dog, friends, family, heck I miss my annoying little brother. Every day I wake up with Skillet playing in my head. Every time I down a milkshake I see my grandfather, father, and big brother doing the same. I see a couple laughing and…

Every night I’m on my knees asking for answers. How do I get back? Can I even get back? Am I even in one piece back home? For I all know my corpse is lying in some ditch and I really am dead. Or perhaps I’m in a mental institution babbling endlessly about candy colored ponies. Is my family ok? Do they think I’m dead? Does… she think I’m dead? Oh sweet Celestia that would top everything, I manage to get home and it end’s like Castaway. That would just be the kick to the groin after you run me over.

So I hopped on a train to Canterlot to go see the princesses for myself. Thought they could help me. I didn’t even say good bye to anypony, which to be honest was a bit underhanded but I couldn’t bear to think what if they tried to stop me. Upon arriving in Canterlot I began to bug none other than the princess of the night about my problem every day during the night court. It soon became apparent that she couldn’t help me. I was beginning to think that this is all a dream, and if the guardian of dreams couldn’t help me, nopony could.

I thought of Inception… I figured that would be the nuclear option, one that I refused to consider until I was utterly convinced that this world was a fake and that … suicide would “wake” me up.

That’s why I originally wrote this. To just sort of explain myself. I had to put these feelings to paper, or I felt like they would’ve consumed me. ~~I think I’ll go check myself in at the nearest loony bin.~~

This wasn’t going to be a suicide note. But then I looked out my sixth story hotel tower room window and spotted none other than two of my OCs plain as day, walking down the street, hoof and hoof, enjoying each other’s company. It was them, I could never mistake my own creations. Part of me wanted to run down stairs and meet them. I was almost half to the door when the other part of me raised it’s ugly head. Chessex and Songbreeze are just that, figments of my imagination. They are not real. I walked back to the window, a looked down the dizzying height to the cobblestones below.

…

…

Flying lessons it is then.

Author's Note

Some quick reference: "seminary" is essentially religious studies at 6 am, for highschoolers
In my culture, "dating" is very casual and doesn't necessarily mean two people are in love
SPIOLERS: the film "Castaway" ends with the hero returning home after being lost at sea for 7 years to find his wife remarried and most of his old life gone

Wakeing Up

There was the sound of several electric guitars playing. A heavy drum beat.

I… know that noise… I'd been hearing it in my head for a while.

A male started singing... something about a cage?

Wait… I can actually hear that.

The beat sped up, the guitars went full blast as the song reached it's chorus.

I decided to join in.

“I feel like a monst-… why’d the music stop?” I asked as my eyes fluttered open. Some jerk had stopped the song midway through the good part. There was a bright light at first, and there was somepony standing over me with a blonde mane. She was jabbering excitedly, but sounded far away... something about a nurse?

Crap… Well that didn’t work. I thought I was back at square one, except perhaps with the addition of several broken bones.

As my vision adjusted, I realized it wasn’t somepony but someone. My heart skipped a beat as I realized it wasn’t just anyone, it was her. She was leaning over my bedside, tears in her eyes.

She cried for me?

She was speaking to me again, I couldn’t understand most of it but I distinctly heard her say how worried she’d been, how she’d called my sister when I didn’t show up to seminary a few times, say how sorry she was for saying no the first and second time I asked her out…

Double crap, am I dreaming again? I struggled to think of a way to see if it was really her, and not just some mental projection.

“I know your face.” I said softly. “Ewoyn.”

“What? Uhmm… NURSE! I’m not sure if he’s really awake just yet!”

Haha! She totally missed that reference! It is her.

I tried to sit up. Embracing her was the only thing that mattered at that moment. She pushed me back down, saying something along the lines of “your injuries are still healing, don’t get up” etc etc, the usual stuff that came with serious blows to the head. She told me how surprised she was that playing my favorite CDs had actually worked. How the doctors had said I had about a one in a thousand chance of waking.

“Never tell me the odds.” I said with what I hoped was a roguish smile. All I got in return was a blank look.

Yeeyup, that’s her.

In the end I decided not to tell her how I had actually woken up. She didn’t need to know how I’d pulled a Javier. If anything, I wouldn’t mind forgetting that last bit of my little adventure into Equestria.

Though for the rest of my life I never would forget it. How could I? And there’s always been a part of me, albeit a small one, that wants to go back. Because what if, that was real and this is the dre-

“After your parents get here, do you want to grab some IN-n-Out?” she asked, her smile as radiant as the sun.

… nevermind, this is real and if it isn’t I don’t care.

Author's Note

This one written for One-Shotober and perhaps, just a little, a b-day present to myself. Originally this chapter was going to be Chessex and Songbreeze examining my body, but I thought that might be a little dark...

Hope you enjoyed, and yes. I am well aware of the hate I may received but,