Conquering the Cake Dragon
Rainbow Dash sighed to herself, wondering why she'd ever let Pinkie Pie pick the restaurant for their anniversary dinner. She was never one for romantic candlelit dinners or anything–well, at least not outwardly–but part of her had been hoping for Pinkie to treat her to that kind of dinner. Anniversaries were one of the few times that she could accept sappy romantic things. She never actually said this to Pinkie, but Pinkie had this crazy way of knowing things anyway, so she figured she didn't need to. When Pinkie came to her and said that she'd found the perfect restaurant for their first anniversary dinner, Rainbow figured that her wacky Pinkie sense had led her to picking the exact kind of restaurant that she wanted. In retrospect, she would remember that it was never a wise idea to try and predict what Pinkie would do.
Rainbow rested her chin on a hoof, looking around at the ridiculous decor. She couldn't imagine why Pinkie would think she'd enjoy a medieval-themed restaurant. The food was tasty, there was no doubting that. But everything else was so silly, and unfitting of an anniversary celebration dinner. The decorations were trying too hard to look old, so much that they just ended up looking silly and extra-artificial. The wait staff all spoke with the royal "we," which irritated Rainbow to no end. She rolled her eyes. The one time she wanted something romantic, and here she was, watching a bunch of goofs run around in jester outfits.
"Did you enjoy the food?" Pinkie asked, giving Rainbow a hopeful smile. Pinkie was unobservant sometimes, but even she could notice that Rainbow hadn't been having a great time. Every time she'd looked to Rainbow and seen a less-than-satisfied look on her face, she'd told Rainbow to "just wait for the dessert." Rainbow had no idea how a dessert could possibly improve this dismal meal, but Pinkie had been so reliant on how great the dessert was that she couldn't help but be intrigued.
"Yeah, the food was okay, I guess" Rainbow said, waving a hoof dismissively.
"So does that mean you're ready for dessert?" Pinkie asked, beginning to bounce a bit in her seat.
"Yeah, I guess it does," Rainbow responded with a chuckle. Rainbow felt two pink hooves seize her. She had learned long ago to stop trying to resist Pinkie dragging her around, and allowed Pinkie to whisk her off to wherever they were going. She found herself placed down in the center of the large arena-looking area of the restaurant that she'd been glancing towards all evening.
"Pinkie, what the hay is this?" Rainbow asked. "I thought we were having dessert."
"We are!" Pinkie giggled, reaching towards a nearby rack for some armor. "And you'd better suit up!"
"Suit up?" Rainbow asked, glancing towards the rack. "What in Celestia's name are we having for dessert that we need to suit up for?"
"Cake Dragon!" Pinkie said gleefully, grabbing hold of a giant fork.
"...Cake Dragon?" Rainbow asked, starting to don her own armor.
"Fillies and gentlecolts!" came a voice over the loudspeaker. "Gather round, all ye merry patrons! For our two lovely challengers here are about to face...the dreaded Cake Dragon!"
The crowd oooed and aaaed. Pinkie waved eagerly to them, while Rainbow just looked confused. Suddenly, the large doors at the edge of the arena opened. Members of the wait staff poured out of the newly-opened entrance, all carrying ropes. Rainbow watched in awe as a gigantic dragon, made entirely of cake, was pulled out by the staff. It had to be at least a story tall, intricately frosted and fashioned to look just like a dragon. Other ponies pulled some strings that made the dragon's arms move up and down, and a loud roar played over the PA system.
"Take cover, peasants!" the announcer boomed. "It's the mighty Cake Dragon! Strongest and most fearsome of all confections!" Rainbow stared at the sugary beast, dumbfounded, while Pinkie squeed gleefully.
"Watch out for the claw attack!" the announcer shouted, knocking Rainbow out of her stupor. She looked up just in time to see one of the gigantic cake claws descending upon them. Thinking quick, she whipped her gigantic fork into the air and thrust it towards the claw. Her huge utensil cut through the tasty appendage, lopping the claw right off. There was only one problem; it was still descending. Rainbow closed her eyes, but was pulled out of the way by Pinkie.
"And the pegasus scores a crushing blow to the Cake Dragon!" the announcer exclaimed. "She's taken a talon clean off!" The crowd cheered appreciatively as Rainbow stared at Pinkie.
"How the hay does that thing even work?!" Rainbow shouted.
"Cool, right??" Pinkie asked, giggling.
"But the tasty titan isn't toppled yet!" the announcer continued. "Watch out for his fearsome tail swipe!"
"Tail swipe?" Rainbow asked. Sure enough, the wait staff was now frantically turning the dragon around, as another roar burst over the loudspeaker. Rainbow caught sight of the rapidly-approaching tail. She yelped and leaped into the air. Pinkie followed suit, doing a flip and thrusting her fork straight down into the beast's tail. Another loud roar was heard, and the crowd cheered again.
"Inconceivable!" the announcer shouted. "The beast's terrifying tail has been trimmed!" Rainbow landed next to the lopped-off tail, Pinkie landing next to her. Her confusion was starting to fade, replaced by giddy excitement.
"Nice one, Pinks!" Rainbow said. "We're really taking a bite out of this beast!"
"Eeeheehee! That was good, Dashie!" Pinkie bubbled. The two gave each other a high-hoof, but were left with little time to celebrate.
"Watch out for its breath weapon!" the announcer boomed. Both ponies looked to each other.
"...Breath weapon?" they said at the same time. They turned to see the Cake Dragon's muzzle aimed right at them. Before they could react, they were sprayed with a vicious and viscous spray of butterscotch. The crowd let out a worried "ohhhhhh..." as the ponies were sweetly soaked.
"Oh, he's gonna get it now..." Rainbow muttered, smirking.
"The dragon scores a tremendous hit!" the announcer exclaimed. "Can our heroes recover before he strikes with his mighty wing?" Rainbow, having been trying to shake the butterscotch off, looked up to see a giant cake wing coming down quickly at her. She tried to move, but the butterscotch was holding her hooves to the ground. Before it could find its target, though, Pinkie took a mighty leap, taking the blow for Rainbow.
"Pinkie!" Rainbow shouted as Pinkie rolled to the side, selling the cakey strike as if she'd been shot.
"Ohhhhh..." the crowd groaned.
"The earth pony is down!" the announcer bellowed. "And it looks like the Cake Dragon is trying to finish her off!" Rainbow's eyes went wide as she watched the dragon's head come down towards Pinkie. She tried to stop it, but was still stuck, and she watched, worried, as the Cake Dragon opened its mouth and snatched Pinkie up. Pinkie giggled and squirmed as the delicious beast tilted its head back and swallowed her up.
"Pinkie!" Rainbow shouted.
"And the mouthwatering monster has devoured the earth pony!" the announcer yelled. "It's up to the pegasus now! Can she save her love from the belly of the beast? Or will she be reduced to just another delicacy?" Rainbow narrowed her eyes. Ponies were supposed to eat cake! Not the other way around! She pulled and pulled at her sticky prison as the dragon turned its attention to her. The dragon lunged at her, intending to doom her to the same fate as Pinkie. A final pull wrenched her front hooves free, just in time to grab her fork. The tasty beast's jaws opened wide, intending to gather Rainbow up, but Rainbow was not about to allow that to happen. Thinking quickly, she whipped the fork in front of her. The beast's jaws closed on the fork, now unable to close fully.
"You think you can eat my marefriend and get away with it?" Rainbow asked, stepping to the side and lifting into the air. "Well you're gonna learn that going face-to-face with Rainbow Dash...really bites!" She dove onto the delectable dragon's neck, sinking her teeth into its spongy skin. She flew in circles around the neck, biting repeatedly, until its head fell to the ground with a splat.
"Huzzah!" the crowd roared.
"Incredible!" the announcer shouted. "The Cake Dragon is slain! Long live the dragonslayers, may their names forever be etched in the history books!" Rainbow had no intentions to sit around and bask in the attention just yet, though. Taking note of a plastic tube in the neck, she flew down the throat of the defeated beast, searching for Pinkie. The tube eventually opened into a big plastic bubble, where Pinkie was sitting and smiling.
"Hi Dashie!" Pinkie giggled. Rainbow laughed and swept her up in her forelegs, then flew back up the tube, bursting out of the dragon's neck heroically with her marefriend. The two landed in the center of the arena. Now was the time to bask in the crowd's adoration.
"Our heroes will be remembered always in the hearts of all who visit our establishment, and have also earned a free medium drink on their next visit!" the announcer called out. The crowd continued to cheer the two on, and the two waved appreciatively in return.
"Great anniversary dinner, right?" Pinkie asked.
"Totally!" Rainbow answered. She should have known that whatever Pinkie had planned would work out well.
