The flurry of A+ titles released in recent years...
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Twilight visits Sonic Team
The flurry of A+ titles released in recent years...
"...and that takes care of the item #428 on the list."
Twilight had finished rearranging the books in the library. The task had been on her agenda for some time now and today she managed to get around to actually doing it.
"Oh! That means that I've finally finished the checklist for this month." Twilight said as she was marking off that item on her checklist. She made a mental note to make one for next month tomorrow.
Just as she was doing this, Twilight heard something. It sounded like glass shattering. The source of it came from upstairs, most likely the upstairs window.
"What was that?!" Twilight said.
She left her checklist on a nearby table and trotted upstairs to find out. When she got there, she found that something had smashed her window. On the floor near the window was a box. It had some sort of cover on it. Actually, the cover was underneath a piece of thin plastic on top of it. Twilight picked up the box with her levitation and saw what it was.
"Sonic the Hedgehog for Playstation 3?"
Twilight had heard Rainbow Dash talk about video games now and again, and the Sonic games would pop up every now and again. It got to the point where Twilight wanted to see what they were like and she did in fact enjoy them. However, she mostly played the older Sonic games and never got to play any of the newer ones. When she asked Rainbow Dash why she didn't own any newer Sonic games, she would just yell, "NO! NO! NO!!!" and kick Twilight out. The fact that Twilight didn't know about the quality of recent Sonic games meant that she didn't know to burn the item she was holding.
"A newer Sonic game? Hooray!" Twilight said jumping down the stairs.
"Finally, something new! Now I'll find out why Rainbow Dash doesn't like these newer Sonic games and it's A FREAKING NEW SONIC GAME!!!"
However, a truth suddenly struck her.
"But I don't have a ps3." Twilight said, now disheartened. However, immediately after Twilight spoke those words, there was a knock on the door. Twilight placed her copy of Sonic the Hedgehog on the table in the center of the room and went to open the door. When she opened the door, there was no one there.
"Hello? Did someone knock?"
No reply.
Just as Twilight was about to close the door, a box dropped out of nowhere, literally falling out of the sky. Twilight recognized what the box was and she brightened up to a joyous state once more. It was a box with a ps3 in it. Using her magic, she levitated the box and shut the door on her way back in. Now that she had all the nessecarry components to play her game, she wasted no time getting the box open and setting up her newly found ps3 in her room, hooking it up to her television. After several minutes of wire fumbling, she turned on the ps3 and after some system setup and whatnot, she was finally able to crack open her copy of Sonic the Hedgehog and be able to play it.
"Well then, let's see what's in store for me."
ONE HOUR LATER...
"...I understand now. I understand why Rainbow Dash always got angry when I brought up new Sonic games." Twilight said as she stood over a pile of ashes that was once formerly the found copy of Sonic the Hedgehog.
"WHY DIDN'T SHE TELL ME ABOUT THIS?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE PEOPLE THAT MADE THIS GAME?! ARE THEY TRYING TO KILL SONIC?! WHAT THE HELL?!?!"
Twilight stopped for a minute and took a deep breath.
"Calm down Twilight. It's only a game. A horrible game that took away an hour of your life that you'll never get back, but still just a game. Even better, a horrible game that shows you that there couldn't possibly any games as bad as this."
As soon as Twilight said those words, something hit her head. Twilight looked in the general direction the projectile hit her head. She saw on the ground another small plastic box. This time, the cover read "Sonic Unleashed." Twilight picked up the game.
"Another Sonic game?" she thought to herself. "It's recent," she thought to herself cautiously. "It can't be as bad as the last one though," she told herself, reassuring her that it would be okay.
"Might as well see what this has to offer." Twilight said as she put the disc in.
TWO HOURS LATER
"Even more of my life wasted. Wonderful." Twilight said. The pile of ash next to her had grown with the disintegration of yet another Sonic game.
Just as Twilight was about to leave, she was hit in the head by yet another object. She turned toward what had hit and it was yet another Sonic game. However, this one was different. This one didn't have Sonic on the cover. Instead it had a different character instead. Twilight recognized this character as Shadow. The game was Shadow the Hedgehog for ps3.
"Wait a minute," Twilight thought to herself. "Shadow the Hedgehog isn't for ps3. Wasn't it for the previous generation of consoles?"
She wasn't wrong. Shadow the Hedgehog did in fact come out on the previous generation of consoles. However, upon closer inspection, it appeared that the game was a pirated version ported for ps3. Twilight took the disc out of the box.
"Third time's the charm, right?" Twilight put the disc in and decided not to question it.
SEVERAL MORE DISINTEGRATIONS LATER
It was nearly four in the morning. Twilight had sent Spike to sleep over at Rarity's. He didn't argue against it, he just ran immediately after being told that he could.
Twilight had spent the entire day having Sonic games thrown at her head and playing said Sonic games and disintegrating them after they've proven their poor quality. She told herself that she should have stopped after the fifth one, but no. She convinced herself that maybe one of those games could redeem Sonic. Just one game that didn't suck. Only one was needed. However, that one game never came. Twilight tossed her controller onto the large pile of ash next to her. She wondered about what she should do know. Then she realized something.
"I spent an entire day playing these games. An entire day..."
"WHO THE HELL MADE THESE HORRIBLE PIECES OF CRAP?!?! WHO IS EVIL ENOUGH TO DO THIS TO SOMEONE?! TO MAKE THEM PLAY CRAPPY SONIC GAMES?!?!" Her hair had exploded into fire, a rare thing to happen to Twilight. Her eyes turned into a terrifying shade of red. She was pissed. She wanted to find who made all of these Sonic games and she wanted to make them pay. She tried to remember who the developer was. Then one name came to her.
"Sonic Team. You'll pay for this. Oh yes you will. Just wait til I get over there to your headquarters. YOU'LL WISH THAT YOU WERE NEVER BORN!"
"Ray? Ray!"
The employee had just woken up from a dazed state. He looked around, trying to find the man named Ray.
The room was a mess. There were papers and trash all over the ground, bottles full of alcohol and various other liquids scattered around the room, and there appeared to be some sort of white powder on all of the desks as well. There was another man in a chair, typing erratically and nonsensically his keyboard.
"Ray isn't here. Sega wanted to talk to him about our next project."
The sound of typing had stopped. The employee turned his attention to the person who had responded.
"Jon? Oh thank god! I have something important to tell you."
Jon turned his swivel chair away from the keyboard and towards the employee. "Yes mate? What is it?"
"Something's coming." the employee said.
Jon looked at the employee with confusion. "Wait, what do you mean 'something's coming'?"
"I had an epiphany. I don't know what it is or why it's going to do so, but something is coming. It's coming here, for us."
"..."
"HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!!!"
The employee stood there speechless as Jon started laughing erradically. Then he burst into laughter as well.
"AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
"We're Sonic Team!" Jon exclaimed. "What could they possibly do to us?!"
Twilight visits Sonic Team
Is that what a "Sonic" is?
Twilight stood at the entrance of Sonic Team HQ. She had made the difficult trek from Equestria to one of the most dangerous, evil and stupidest places in existence: California. She didn't care though. She wanted to give the people at Sonic Team what was coming to them and no obstacle was about to stop her.
Sonic Team HQ wasn't what Twilight had expected. She thought it would be some large skyscraper in a Japanese city, but instead it was a house in the suburbs of Rancho Palos Verdes, California. On the front yard, there was a sign that said "Sonic Team Headquartes" in blue text along with a picture of Sonic's head next to it. On the ground near the sign was a man that appeared to be unconscious. Several empty bottles scattered around him. All of this assured Twilight that this was in fact Sonic Team HQ.
Just as Twilight was about to go through the front door of Sonic Team HQ, she was stopped by a robotic, monotone voice.
"Stop! What are you doing?"
Twilight turned around to where the voice came from. She expected some sort of huge robot, but instead of a huge, tormenting robot, all she found was a small, green bird.
"I repeat, 'Stop! What are you doing?' Do you have any idea who is in there?" the bird asked. However, when he spoke, his eyes glowed red with every word.
At first, Twilight looked back at the bird with a look of mild confusion. Then she remembered why she was here in the first place and decided to piss on hospitality.
"I'm here to talk to Sonic Team. There are a few issues I would like for them to hear about their recent creations." Twilight said.
"Well I'm sorry," the robotic bird said, "but you're going to have to get the hell out. I am afraid that they do not wish to be disturbed right now. They are hard at work on their latest project and wish to make sure that they can work on it in peace in the hope of finishing it on time."
"Well too bad!" Twilight replied. "These issues are too pressing for them to be ignored. Whether anyone likes it or not, I'm going in there to talk to them about it and there's nothing you can do to stop me."
"Very well then dumbshit. Engaging trespasser." the bird said. Twilight looked at the bird with confusion. However, she soon saw what he had meant. The bird's red eyes starting glowing more and more, getting brighter and brighter until a laser shot out of both his eyes. Twilight reacted instinctively and raised a shield with her magic. The laser beam deflected off the shield, heading straight towards the bird.
"OH SHI-" was all he could say before the laser blew him up into a million pieces. Twilight lowered her shield and looked back at what was left of the robotic bird.
"Holy crap!" Twilight exclaimed. "I killed an animal. An innocent animal!" Twilight was left with guilt until she realized that she had pissed on hospitality a few minutes ago and wasn't supposed to give a shit. "Fluttershy doesn't need to know about this." Twilight told herself.
Twilight turned around and opened the front door. She went into the narrow hallway inside, closing the door on her way in. At the end of the hall was a small desk. The receptionist at the desk was a young black woman. She was lying on the desk, sideways, her back towards the hall. She was naked and appeared to be unconscious on the desk. When Twilight reached the desk, she saw that there was a bell right in front of the back of her head. Twilight rung the bell. No response. Twilight rung the bell again. Nothing.
"Wait a minute. Why am I asking for permission?!" Twilight said to herself. "It shouldn't be that hard to find them!" Just then, Twilight heard extremely loud heavy metal coming from her right.
"Dammit Ray! This isn't mariachi music!" was heard in the direction the music came from.
"Bingo." Twilight turned to her right and saw a door with the sign "Sonic Team development studio" on it. She opened the door. Nothing could have prepared her for what was on the other side.
The word 'disaster' wasn't enough to describe the room Twilight had just walked into. There were empty bottles scattered all over the room. And stranger and more concerning was the white powder. There were trays upon trays of this white powder on the desks, on the chairs, on the tables, on the floor, and there was even white powder on yet another unconscious person. There was trash and other unfavorable items on the floor and desks. Furniture was flipped over, a computer literally just exploded on Twilight's left, and another sign on the fridge that said 'Sonic Team' in blue text and with Sonic' head next to it, with a banana smushed on top of it.
The unconscious person covered in white powder got up, his hand to his head.
"Oh god... What happened last night?"
"Last night? That was a week ago!" The person who had responded to the other's question had come from another room. This person could be described in a number of ways. He could be described simply with the word "ECCHK." He could also be described being tall, slightly round and having facial hair, specifically a neck-beard
"What are you talking about Jon?"
"Last week? We were having a brainstorming meeting and there were... complementary concessions." said Jon with a creepy grin, remembering the wild results of the brainstorming meeting.
"Oh." was all the employee could muster before he decided to return to his slumber.
Jon looked at the now sleeping employee, then he turned to look around the room. He saw Twilight. "Did the drugs wear off yet or have I finally lost my mind like Ray?"
Twilight saw Jon staring at her with dead eyes. She hadn't forgotten her purpose of being here. Jon was surprised when Twilight levitated him towards her. He was even more surprised when she started speaking.
"Tell me Jon, do you know where I can find a member of Sonic Team?" she said slowly, her eyes widening.
Jon was both very concerned at the speaking, purple unicorn currently levitating him and the possible chance that this may not be the drugs talking, so he attempted to calmly respond.
"OH GAWD PLEASE DON'T HURT ME! I'M THE HEAD DEVELOPER HERE AT SONIC TEAM! I'LL DO ANYTHING YOU WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNT!!!"
Twilight threw Jon towards the wall. Jon slumped to the floor after hitting the wall. Twilight lifted him up with her magic once more.
"You're the head developer? Well then, we're going to have a lot of fun." Jon could see the malicious intent on Twilight face. He knew that she was pissed.
"What are you going to do?" Jon whimpered.
"Well, I came here to make everyone at Sonic Team pay for making waste an entire day playing your crappy Sonic games! I mean, what idiot authorized those games to be made to begin with?!" Twilight yelled, bringing Jon closer to her face.
"Um. That would be Ray." Jon responded.
"Who?" Twilight asked in a slightly less malicious tone.
"Ray. He's the president and senior developer of Sonic Team. His office is right next door." Jon said, nodding his head towards the door he had come out of.
Twilight let Jon out of her magical grasp and went towards the door. Opening it, she heard that the heavy metal was still playing inside. She also saw two men in the room. One was behind a desk while the other was in front of it.
"...don't want to be forced to play Sonic games anymore." whined the large, muscular man in front of the desk.
"Goddammit Barbara! Go back into the dungeon now! You are not allowed to complain! We only brought you back from the dead because it would've been more expensive to buy a new slave!" yelled the man behind the desk. He grabbed a Wiimote on his desk and held it up. "We could easily bring you back to life again! We'll just cut the sound budget and put in a remix of 'Can you feel the sunshine?' as every sound in the game! Now leave!!!"
The muscular man slowly walked out of the room, his head held down with shame. Twilight looked at him as he left the room and went into another door, probably leading to the dungeon that the man behind the desk was talking about, Twilight turned back towards the man as she entered the room.
"Excuse me, are you Ray?" she asked politely.
Ray turned to the voice asking for him. When he saw the purple unicorn, he merely said, "Shit. I'm in the hospital again, aren't I?"
Twilight was unsatisfied with that response. "You didn't answer my question. I asked you if you were the one that they call Ray?" Twilight asked, her voice slipping at the last part of that sentence.
"Uh yeah. Now doctor, can you tell me when I can get out of here?"
"So did you authorize all the Sonic games to be made in the last ten years?"
"Sonic? What the fuck is a Sonic? Is that what the kids are calling it nowadays? If so, I want some."
"You didn't answer my question," Twilight said in an emotionless tone. "Did you authorize any recent Sonic games to be made?"
Ray thought for a bit before responding. "Nope, still don't know what a Sonic is. However, I do remember that we do make games here. Could that be what you are talking about?"
"Perhaps."
Ray thought a bit more before saying, "If that's what you are talking about, then I suppose yes. I did authorize some games to be made," He shrugged his shoulders. "I have no idea what the games were of, but they could have been about this 'Sonic' you're talking about." He responding, using air quotes when saying the word 'Sonic'.
"That's all I needed to hear," was Twilight's response.
"Okay then. So doc, when can I lea-" was all Ray was able to say before he was lifted up in the air and violently thrown towards the wall behind him. Before he could even fall to the floor, he was lifted up once more and thrown out the door into the room next door. Twilight turned to her left and approached Ray, who was now trying to stand up. Twilight picked him up with her telekinesis once more and pushed him against the wall. Twilight approached Ray, who was now scared shitless.
"What do you want?!" Ray asked, his face scrunching up and barely holding back tears.
"What do I want?" Twilight asked mockingly. "What I want is for you to pay."
"Pay for what?"
"Pay for making me play all those crappy Sonic games you've made in the last several years! I mean guns?! Seriously?! I let that shit into my house man!!!"
"Well I'm sorry that that happened to you!" Ray paused for a bit before having the courage to ask what he asked next. "What are you going to do to me?"
Twilight looked directly into Ray's eyes. "What am I going to do?" she asked once more in her mocking tone. "I'm going to make you feel the agony and frustration I felt upon playing your crappy Sonic games." She brought Ray even closer to her face. However, before she could do anything, she was hit on the head with a printer box. She stumbled to the right a bit before recovering. When she did, she saw that Jon was the culprit and he was trying to help Ray escape.
"Come on Ray! We have to go!" Jon yelled at Ray.
Before he could do anything though, Twilight had regained herself and focused her telekinesis on both Jon and Ray, picking both of them in the air and throwing them at the wall left of Jon. As they fell to the ground, Twilight picked them up once more and pinned them to the wall.
"Not so fast," Twilight told to both Jon and Ray. "We still have unfinished business to attend to."
Jon and Ray looked at Twilight with terror in their eyes.
"Please don't hurt us!" Ray cried.
"Yeah! We'll do anything!" Jon pleaded.
"There's nothing you can possibly do to save yourselves. Your horrendous Sonic games have done too much damage to save you now!" Twilight said.
"Sonic games?" Jon asked. "Is that why you're so upset?"
Twilight brought Jon to her face. "YES!!! THAT'S THE WHOLE REASON I'M HERE TO BEGIN WITH!"
"Um well," Jon said cautiously. "We've realized that the Sonic games haven't been receiving such good responses and right now, we're actually making a new Sonic game, but see, the thing is we're going back to basics."
Twilight looked at Jon for a bit before actually responding. "Go on." she asked inquisitively.
"Well, um, the game is 'Sonic Lost World' and it's going to be on the Wii U and 3DS. We've been actually focusing effort on it and doing less cocaine during production. So, if you kill us, then we won't finish the game. A game that probably won't suck as much. A Sonic game that won't suck." Jon said.
Twilight contemplated her options. She could kill both Jon and Ray and blow up Sonic Team, thus forever ending the chance of anymore bad Sonic games. On the other hand, she could let them both live and finish the new Sonic game. If it actually turns out as good as Jon says, then it could make up for the time she wasted on all those other bad Sonic games. However, if it sucked, then more of her time would've been wasted and she would go kill Sonic Team anyways. Twilight decided that since they'll both die anyways, she may as well see if she could get a good Sonic game out of Sonic Team.
"Okay then. I'll give you a chance," Twilight said, releasing both Jon and Ray out of her magical grasp. She then turned for the door out of Sonic Team Headquarters. Before she closed the door though, she turned her head to both Jon and Ray.
"However, if it turns out to be crap, I'll burn you both alive." Twilight then closed the door and left Sonic Team HQ.
SEVERAL MONTHS LATER
"Good news everyone!" Jon announced. "We finally finished out Sonic game and it only took 3 pounds of cocaine to finish!"
Everyone in the room was unconscious. Jon scanned the room to see if there was even one person awake. Nothing.
Jon turned to Ray, who was sitting in a chair next to him. "Isn't that great Ray?" Jon asked. When Ray didn't respond, Jon decided to inspect Ray a bit closer. "Yep. Ray's dead again everyone! Just wonderful! Now we need to cut the voice actor to revive him."
As soon as he said those words, a giant boulder crashed through the left wall into the room. Jon was surprised at the sudden crashing of a boulder into Sonic Team, but not for much. Stranger things have happened and Jon had experienced all of them.
As the dust lifted, Jon saw that the boulder had a note attached to it. Jon went towards the boulder and took the note. He started reading it.
Dear Jon,
Good news. Turns out you were right. Your new game 'Sonic Lost World' does not suck as you said. However, it isn't good enough to make up the time wasted on all those previous Sonic games. I've decided not to kill you, however, I felt that you should at least suffer some property damage. I hope that you will continue to improve yourself and the rest of Sonic Team in order to deliver a Sonic game that might one day make up for all the frustration that I have gone through. When tha day comes, maybe then we can have a nice chat and be friends. Until then, always remember that another bad Sonic game will result in your death. No pressure.
Love, Twilight
"Well, at least I'll live another day," Jon said to himself. He then turned to the rock. The rock looked strangely familiar. It's as if it were an old friend of his. Upon closer inspection, Jon made a startling discovery.
"Rockington?! Is that really you?" Jon exclaimed to the rock.
The rock said nothing.
"Oh my god! It really is you!" Jon said as he hugged the rock. "I thought I lost you forever."
Again, the rock said nothing.
Jon ended his embrace with the rock. He took a step back, looking at the rock.
"You've gotten fat."
