I should have written encyclopedias instead!
Dear Miss Twilight’s Mom,
OH MY GOSH. I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START.
So, so, okay, so Twilight (your daughter, you know), who is one of the best friends in the world—no, she’s the BEST friend in the world. That's right. You’re reading the words of your daughter’s BEST FRIEND. Which is totally cool, right? Like, you know me and I know you and we get along pretty well, right?
I mean, yes, okay, we didn’t really talk at the Royal Wedding, or at Twilight’s crowning ceremony, but, you know. We did say hello and all that, right? That's gotta count for something?
I got sidetracked. So. Twilight (again: best friend) got a liiiittle drunk today. Like, not really drunk because we both know that Twilight is awesome and she doesn’t drink at all. Unless you’re cool with it? In which case I guess she drinks a little. Anyway! The thing is that I went to Twilight’s house today, right, because I wanted to borrow a book from the library (A DARING DO BOOK, BECAUSE THEY’RE INCREDIBLE AND THE BEST BOOKS EVER I LOVE THEM SO MUCH) and then Twilight and me decided to try some of the cider Applejack had got us (you should try it, it’s very good! Daring Do should drink a lot of cider. I think it suits her character) and then Twilight got a little drunk. I think I already said that.
So we started to talk, and then we started to talk about Daring Do (because SHE’S SO AWESOME OH MY GOSH) and then, and then Twilight said that it was totally a secret, but that YOU ARE SILKY DUSK.
SHE TOLD ME THAT YOU ARE THE AUTHOR OF THE DARING DO BOOKS!
I can’t believe I know one of my heroes! Being honest, part of me hoped that you were a Wonderbolt, because that would have been super awesome, but who cares? YOU ARE THE AUTHOR OF THE DARING DO BOOKS.
OH MY GOSH I TOTALLY NEED TO SEE YOU AND ASK YOU ABOUT THE SERIES. I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS. And it all makes sense now! Twilight is the one who recommended the books to me in the first place (isn’t she cool?) and there are a lot of subtle hints in the stories! Like, I knew there was something fishy in the scene where Daring Do starts thinking about the Temple of the Sparkling Twilight, and now I think I get why it is called like that!
And, and I don’t know what else to say! I’m your biggest fan, Miss Twilight’s Mom! I own ALL OF YOUR BOOKS! Well, not exactly because I prefer borrowing them from your daughter, but that’s even BETTER, right? Could you please sign me an autograph? Or a book? Ah, and I’ve been writing some fanfiction about Daring Do, you need to read it when it’s over! I’ll take a couple days off from my job so I can concentrate on it better!
OH MY GOSH I STILL CAN’T BELIEVE I KNOW THE AUTHOR OF THE DARING DO BOOKS!
Always your biggest fan,
Rainbow Dash
Dear Rainbow Dash,
I’m very glad you like my books, it means a lot to me. And yes, my daughter is quite the wonderful filly. Please don’t tell anypony that I am Silky Dusk. I don’t want to be famous, which is why I use a nom de plume in the first place.
With regards,
Twilight Velvet
Dear Daughter,
Okay, Twilight. You’re the leader of the Elements of Harmony, and I’m very proud of you. You’re a princess too, which is also nice. And you have always been an exemplar student. You're the dream child of every parent.
However, you had the ONE AND ONLY ONE RULE that I forced upon you, and that was to NEVER, and I repeat NEVER tell anyone that I am the writer of the Daring Do saga.
I swear to Celestia, this family is too famous already. Both you and your brother are royalty,, the last thing we want is to turn me into a celebrity on top of it all. Make sure your friend keeps her mouth shut; this can't reach the press no matter what.
Also, what’s that about the cider? Twilight Sparkle, I better not hear anything about you getting drunk ever again. You know what happened to your uncle!
With love, albeit annoyed,
Mom
P.S. I haven’t finished the latest chapter yet, but as soon as I do it I’ll send it to you for proofreading. Try not to drink too much while you’re at it, lest you show it to your freaking neighbors.
Dear Mom,
I’m sorry! I’m really, really, really sorry!
I wasn't planning on saying anything, I promise. It’s just, Rainbow is a very good friend, and she really loves your books, and… well, the cider was pretty strong that night, I suppose. That said, I guarantee that Rainbow Dash will behave; she won’t say a word about you. I made her Pinkie Pie promise, and trust me when I say you don't take that lightly in Ponyville unless you're really fond of blunt head trauma.
Regarding the cider business: please, Mom. I’m an adult. Plus, Uncle Claret had a wine-drinking cutie mark, his future was more or less set in stone from birth. Blame fate, not me. And rest assured that I won't end up like him.
Signed,
Twilight Sparkle
Dear Twilight’s Mom,
Soooo Twilight told me that I should never say anything about you being the author of the Daring Do books because you don’t want to be famous. Which I don’t really understand at all, but I can keep a secret! I've never told anyone that Twilight drinks wine every night, right? I mean, I literally just told you that, but this is an example, so it doesn’t count. You get what I mean!
Also, I’ve been working on that Daring Do fanfiction I mentioned, just as I promised! It’s getting better and better by the second. Daring Do is currently in a spaceship, and the villain is singing his plans. Oh, it’s going to be so good! You’re going to love it!
Still your biggest fan ever,
Rainbow Dash
Dear Mom,
Hah, hah, hah. Loved the new chapter, Mom. The part about Dusk Shine being a homeless drunk, crying because he kept disappointing his mother as a child? Really charming. Subtlety has never been your forte, huh?
I learned my lesson, anyhow. I'm going to be serious about keeping secrets from now on. I even sent a letter to the Princess regarding this whole business, so you can see it’s as official as a friendship lesson can be. Or, family lesson, I don’t know. Does that exist? I think it should. Shining Armor sure got a family lesson about me back at the Royal Wedding.
A lesson, I might add, that also applies to this situation: you can trust Twilight Sparkle. Yes, I've made a mistake, but come on! I’ve been keeping this secret since I was three years old, and this is the first time I say as much as one word about it. That's a good track record if you ask me.
Also, that thing about the wine was a lie. Rainbow Dash is a very good liar. It's what she does. Trust me. That’s what the family lesson is about. I don’t drink wine.
With love,
Twilight Sparkle
My most dear Twilight Velvet,
OH MY GOSH.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU'RE SILKY DUSK.
Your daughter just sent me a letter rambling about keeping secrets and how adult and independent mares like her should be able to drink whatever they want—WHEN SHE TOLD ME YOU ARE SILKY DUSK.
YOU’VE BEEN SILKY DUSK FROM THE START.
OH MY GOSH. I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS. You're my hero. You're my favorite writer, I OWN ALL YOUR BOOKS. TWICE. I KNOW ALL YOUR STORIES BY HEART.
I’M GETTING THE ROYAL CARRIAGE AND DRIVING TO YOUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW.
I can’t wait for Luna to hear about this. She loves your books too!
With respect and admiration,
Princess Celestia
Dear Daughter,
WHAT.
THE FLIP.
DID YOU TELL THE PRINCESSES.
WHY ARE THEY IN MY HOUSE. WHY ARE THEY GIVING ME THE PUPPY EYES."
TWILIGHT SPARKLE, I SWEAR NEXT TIME I SEE YOU I'M GOING TO GROUND YOU SO HARD THOSE FANCY WINGS OF YOURS ARE GOING TO FALL OFF. YOU'RE GOING TO FORGET WHAT THE SKY LOOKS LIKE.
DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW!
Signed,
Twilight Velvet
Dear Mom,
I am an grown mare. You can’t just ground me like that. We don't even live together? Do you expect me to stay in my room by myself just because you told me to?
That said, this whole 'Princesses in your house' business. Um. I mean… Mom, I’m sorry, but they are the Princesses. I’m afraid you’ll have to figure this one out yourself.
(Also, I'm so sorry for telling them. I thought they already knew? How do you keep a secret from Princess Celestia?)
With love,
Twilight Sparkle
Dear Daughter,
ARE YOU KIDDING ME. AREN'T YOU A PRINCESS YOURSELF?! IF THERE'S ANYPONY OUT THERE WHO CAN DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS, THAT'S YOU!
DO SOMETHING.
And do it QUICKLY because Celestia is rummaging around the house looking for my latest draft, and I can't stop her because Luna won't leave me alone. She's glued to me. AND NEITHER OF THEM WILL SHUT UP.
EVER.
IT'S BEEN THREE HOURS.
LUNA HAS BEEN RAMBLING ABOUT DARING DO AND SUGAR SONG'S RELATIONSHIP FOR THREE HOURS. CELESTIA IS RUMMAGING THROUGH MY UNDERWEAR.
FIX THIS.
Signed,
Mom
Dear Mom,
...How are you sending me these letters if Princess Luna doesn’t leave you alone? Are you writing in front of them? Isn't that kind of rude?
Signed,
Twilight Sparkle
Dear Twilight,
DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT’S WHAT YOU SHOULD WORRY ABOUT RIGHT NOW. IS THAT YOUR PRIORITY. ME BEING RUDE TO THE TWO MARES CURRENTLY DESTROYING ANY OUNCE OF PRIVACY IN MY LIFE.
Signed,
Twilight Velvet
Dear Mom,
Well, excuse me, they're the Princesses. Being rude to them kind of counts as a political crime.
I can't help but notice how that last letter is not signed 'Mom'. You signed with your full name. I've... never seen you do that before. Are you really that angry?
Signed,
Twilight Sparkle
Dear Twilight,
IS THAT AN ACTUAL QUESTION.
IS THAT AN ACTUAL QUESTION YOU'RE ASKING.
"HEY MOM, I SEE YOU HAVING A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN OVER THE FACT THAT PRINCESS CELESTIA HAS BEEN LOOKING UNDER YOUR BED FOR FOUR HOURS, ARE YOU PERHAPS SLIGHTLY UPSET?" OF COURSE I'M ANGRY. I'M SORRY. IS MY TONE NOT TRANSLATING TO THE PAGE CORRECTLY? IS MY INTENT NOT CLEAR?
OH, RIGHT. SUBTLETY IS NOT MY FORTE, I FORGOT. LET ME CLARIFY: YES. I AM ANGRY.
GET THE PRINCESSES OUT OF MY HOUSE RIGHT NOW, OR SO HELP ME.
Signed,
TWILIGHT VELVET. I USUALLY SIGN 'MOM' BUT I'M ANGRY RIGHT NOW. HENCE THIS SIGNATURE. SUBTLE.
Dear Mom,
Look, I am very sorry for all this, you have no idea how terrible I feel right now. But, what do you even want me to do here? I'm actually asking.
Plus, maybe they will leave at dinner time? They're the Princesses, they probably have important business to attend.
There's no need to write everything in capital letters, by the way.
Signed,
Twilight Sparkle
DEAR DAUGHTER,
WHAT.
IS THAT YOUR SOLUTION? JUST, WAIT TILL IT ALL MAGICALLY FIXES ITSELF? THIS IS HOW YOU'VE SAVED THE WORLD SO MANY TIMES? WAITING IT OUT? WHAT ARE Y
Oh my gosh.
Oh my gosh I just—are you drunk? Are you drunk right now?
Twilight Sparkle, you better not be drunk right now, or so help me I'm going to OKAY I CAN SEE CELESTIA DISASSEMBLING THE FURNITURE TO SEE IF I HIDE THE MANUSCRIPTS THERE. SHE'S LOOKING FOR HIDDEN DRAWERS SHE SAYS.
SOBER UP, REMIND ME TO YELL AT YOU LATER, AND FIX THIS.
SIGNED,
TWILIGHT VELVET.
Dear Mom:
Whaaat. I’m not drunk. Don't be silly.
I had an idea that might just be crazy enough to work, by the way, so give me a little bit of time. If everything goes well, the Princesses should leave soon.
Soberly,
Your daughter
Dear Spike,
Tell me right now if my daughter is holding an alcoholic beverage at the moment of this delivery.
Signed,
Twilight Velvet
Dear Mom.
I told you. I'm not.
And I still don't get how you're sending these letters, by the way. One would think you'd be busy trying to stop the Princesses? Maybe if you paid them any attention, Princess Celestia wouldn't be disassembling our furniture.
Signed,
Twilight Sparkle
Dear Spike,
I asked you, not my daughter. And if you try to fool me by sending a letter written by Twilight instead, or if you lie to me, I’ll know.
Signed,
Twilight Velvet
Dear Twilight Velvet,
Yeah, you're not dragging me down with you. As far as I'm concerned I'm just a mailbox right now.
Signed,
Spike
Dear Daughter,
Well, your plan worked, I suppose.
The Princesses are gone. The Royal Guards sent a notice; something important going on in the Castle,apparently and it was required the Princesses address it immediately, in person. I’m going to assume you contacted your brother to pull some strings, and for that I thank you.
Now that I’m not foaming at the mouth, I can see the overreaction on my end. This last chain of missives was a bit... immature, on my part. Yelling at you, and so on.
Mind you, I’m still disappointed in you for revealing my identity to the Princesses, though. They might be royalty, but that doesn't make them special. I take respite in the fact that they gave me my word to keep the secrecy; I am led to believe Princess Celestia does not take promises lightly.
We’ll talk about the wine next time we see each other. Face to face. Now, I think I’m going to sleep. I have never been more tired in my life.
With love,
Mom
Dear Twilight,
I'm pretty sure your mother almost had a heart attack today, and I've never laughed this hard. Princess Luna is a SugarDo fan. Who would have thought? Princess Celestia says she likes the adventure rather than the romance, and she's sure she knows how it's all going to end. If only you could have heard some of her theories. They're even worse than yours!
Anyway, good job getting rid of the Princesses, and don’t worry about your mother. You know how she is; she’ll forget all about it in a couple weeks.
Wine is wonderful with cheese, by the way. You should give it a try.
With love,
Dad
Dear Twilight Velvet,
I apologize profusely for what happened yesterday; I assume you were as saddened as us when we were forced to leave so early. We couldn't finish our conversation, and that saddens me beyond words. I am simply too busy to visit you again until the end of the week, I'm afraid.
That said, we can continue our talk through missives! Such wonderful invention.
So. As I was saying before we were interrupted—I believe the best part of Sugar Song and Daring Do’s relationship is how they complement each other. Sugar Song is the most intelligent pony in the Daringverse; Daring Do is the strongest, most brave mare around. Together, they're unstoppable. They're the best pairing that could ever be.
And they're adorable.
I can't help but wonder, when are they finally going to reveal their feelings to each other? When are they going to tie the knot, to love each other, to kiss? The current tension between them is unbearable. I fully expect it to be resolved by the next book. I have never been so excited for a piece of literature before.
With respect and adoration,
Princess Luna
P.S: I’m writing a song about the chapter in which they spend a whole night trapped in the Temple of the Sparkling Twilight. (I love that name! It's so subtle!) I can't wait for you to hear it.
Dear Twilight Velvet,
I apologize for our early departure; princesshood has its downsides. That said, Luna and I have planned our schedule to the second. In forty-eight hours, our schedule will be completely free. So, do not worry. We’ll be there.
(I know you could come to the Castle instead, but I am aware of how important a familiar environment is for a writer. Inspiration is a fickle mistress, after all. Do you believe it would be possible for you to write some in front of Luna and I? It would mean so much.)
As an aside, I recommend that you don’t try to argue with Luna about the whole SugarDo business. She has a weakness for such things, but we both know that Daring Do is not about romance—it’s about the adventure! And the mystery, of course. Did I mention that I believe I already guessed the ending? Your foreshadowing is marvelous, I must say. And so subtle. I can't wait to talk to you about this in length. I fear three days might just not be enough, in fact.
With respect and admiration,
Princess Celestia
Dear Miss Twilight’s Mom,
I finally did it! I finished my fanfiction! It’s about Daring Do going to outer space and then fighting some villains and being awesome in general. I’m sure you’ll love it!
I’ll be waiting for your opinion!
Still your biggest, best fan,
Rainbow Dash
P.S: Still waiting for that dedicated copy of the book.
Dear Princess Luna,
I sure enjoyed our talk, but I’m afraid I am too busy right now to answer your questions. On top of it all, revealing what’s going to happen would be against my personal policy.
I’m sure you’ll understand, your Highness, that there’s nothing better than buying the next book without having any idea about what is going to happen.
Sincerely,
Twilight Velvet
Dear Princess Celestia,
I sure enjoyed our talk, but as I already said to your sister, I can’t really answer any of your questions, as it would be against my personal policy.
And I’m awfully sorry, but we don’t have spare beds that would suit you and Princess Luna. We wouldn’t want to offend you by offering you something that’s not worthy of the Royal Sisters.
Sincerely,
Twilight Velvet
Dear Rainbow Dash,
Thank you for your efforts. I’ll be sure to read your story when I have the time.
Signed,
Twilight Velvet
Dear Daughter,
PLEASE TELL ME THERE’S SOME WAY TO BLOCK MY MAIL.
Signed,
Mom
Dear Mom,
Regular mail can be blocked if you go and ask the post office, although they will ask why you want to do that in the first place. If you explain you’re being stalked through mail they will help you, though, I’m sure. However, magical mail (Spike, teleportation, you get the idea) can’t be blocked.
Why are you asking me this? You sound worried.
With love,
Twilight Sparkle
Dear Twilight Velvet,
Worry not about us. We don’t mind about sleeping in a normal bed.
With respect and admiration,
Princess Celestia
Dear Princess Celestia,
When I said we didn’t have any bed worthy for you, I meant that we don’t have any spare beds. Period. Or sofas. We had to throw away the ones you disassembled, sadly, since we discovered they had termites. Real shame.
Sincerely,
Twilight Velvet
Dear Twilight Velvet,
We’ll bring the sleeping bags. Mine has a Daring Do face on it that glows in the dark.
With respect and admiration,
Princess Celestia
Dear Twilight,
OH MY GOSH. I AM SURROUNDED BY IDIOTS.
KEEP THE PRINCESSES AWAY FROM MY HOUSE.
With love,
Mom
Dear Dad,
What’s the deal with the Princesses? And why is Mom angry at me now?
With love,
Twilight Sparkle
P.S: Cheese and wine indeed go amazingly well together. Thank you for the tip.
Dear Twilight,
THE PRINCESSES WANT TO SPEND THE WEEKEND IN MY HOUSE. THE ENTIRE WEEKEND. TWO WHOLE DAYS OF LISTENING TO LUNA RAMBLING ABOUT A ROMANTIC SUBPLOT THAT DOESN'T EXIST. I AM GOING TO SET FIRE TO MYSELF IN SELF-DEFENSE.
WHY, WHY DID YOU HAVE TELL ANYPONY THAT I AM SILKY DUSK.
With love,
Mom
P.S: AND WHAT’S THAT ABOUT WINE AND THE CHEESE?!
Dear Mom,
...I thought the romantic subplot was on purpose? Surely Sugar Song and Daring Do are going to get together by the end of this new book? Mom, it's not even subtle. How are you missing the romantic connotations in your own work? Do you have any idea why they're so popular in the first place?
Anyway—if the Princesses are actually planning on going there for the weekend, I guess I can ask Shining Armor to help us again. The Royal Guard will work things out.
And I don't know what to think about you reading my letters to Dad. There is such a thing as privacy, you know?
Signed,
Twilight Sparkle
Dear Twilight,
OH RIGHT. PRIVACY. THAT THING I SEEMINGLY DON'T HAVE ANYMORE. HOW COULD I FORGET.
AND THERE'S NO ROMANTIC SUBTEXT IN MY BOOKS. STOP OVERANALYZING EVERYTHING YOU READ. DARING DO HAS A NICE HAT AND SHE FIGHTS MONSTERS, THAT'S IT. THAT'S ALL THERE IS.
HOPING THAT YOU WILL STOP DANCING AROUND THE ISSUE INSTEAD OF ACTUALLY HELPING ME,
MOM
Dear Mom,
Bad news. Shining Armor can’t help us.
The Princesses have everything planned out this time. Even if there's an emergency, the Royal Guard is explicitly forbidden from contacting them. There's nothing we can do. Their orders are clear.
I’m afraid you’ll have to put up with them for the whole weekend, because I see no solution. And, I mean—surely they're not that bad? Maybe you're, you know. Exaggerating a little?
With love,
Twilight Sparkle
Dear Miss Twilight’s mom,
It’s been a couple days and I haven’t received a letter from you! I’m telling you this because I’m sure there’s no way you haven’t sent me your opinion on my fanfic (it’s 500 pages, how long would it take you to read it? Like, two hours? Come on, you're a writer, you must be SUPER smart), so maybe the letter has been lost or something? You should send it again as soon as possible!
Waiting but still your best fan,
Rainbow Dash
Dear Twilight,
IF YOU DON’T COME UP WITH SOMETHING TO GET THE PRINCESSES AWAY FROM MY HOUSE I'M COMMITING REGICIDE.
WITH LOVE,
YOUR MOTHER
Dear Miss Twilight’s mother,
Hey! As your answer got lost again (what bad luck, huh?) I decided that we should talk face to face about my story! But don’t worry, you don’t need to come here to Ponyville. I already bought tickets to Canterlot!
We’ll be there tomorrow, because I've got the whole weekend off. Cool, huh? Twilight will come with me, and I’ll be sure to bring a lot of stuff for you to sign. I will bring another copy of my fanfiction, just in case—we can read it together! I make an awesome Daring Do voice, you NEED to hear it!
See ya tomorrow!
Signed,
Rainbow Dash
Dear Shining Armor,
So apparently we’re having a Princesses sleepover in the house tonight, for reasons that I don’t really understand. Do you want to come here and bring Cadance? It will be like a family reunion, but with your mother trying to stab the rulers of the land, Celestia discussing conspiracy theories with your sister, Luna singing songs about fictional characters kissing, and Rainbow Dash.
I honestly don't expect the building to survive the weekend, so you might as well come and join the fun.
Bring popcorn.
With love,
Dad
Dear Dad,
Of course we can go! I told Cadance about the idea, and she said that it would be lovely. I also told her about Mom being the author of the Daring Do series, and she got really excited!
She’s a real fan, you know? She wants to show Mom all the poems she has written about her books. Isn’t she adorable? I'm sure Mom will love them.
See you in a couple hours!
Signed,
Shining Armor, Prince of the Crystal Empire
Dear Mister Night Light
We are saddened to inform you that your wife, Miss Twilight Velvet, is in the Royal Dungeon as of now, and we kindly ask you to come here to pick her up as soon as possible.
Miss Twilight Velvet was found sneaking up in the Royal Library without permission, at night, while yelling gibberish about travelling back in time so she could prevent both getting married and having children. Apparently that’s by far the best way she has to spend her weekend (her words, not mine). Once she got caught she knocked out two of our guards and hurt three more while being driven to the dungeons.
It’s been three hours since then, and she has not stopped yelling since. Please come as soon as possible. We're terrified.
Sincerely,
The Royal Guard
The aftermath: You asked for it
Dear Mister Night Light,
We are saddened to announce to you that your wife, Miss Twilight Velvet, has escaped from our dungeons. We’re not really sure how. Either she yelled at the walls so much that they eventually gave up and let her escape or she just happens to be a ghost and can pass through the ceiling. Those are literally our best theories.
She’s on the run, she could be dangerous and it’s our duty to go and get her before she does anything harmful to the city. Please, we ask you for your help. The Princesses are gone for three days, we have been told that your son is not in the Crystal Empire and we’re running out of options. We don’t want to go outside in the night to get her. Celestia knows how that would end. If you could at least tell us where Prince Shining Armor is, it would be of great help.
Sincerely,
The Royal Guard.
Dear Royal Guard,
Yes, Twilight Velvet spends a lot of time thinking about how to get out of dungeons. It’s a hobby of hers.
I think the best thing you can do is let her vent out everything and do nothing. She’ll calm down eventually. Plus, there’s no way I’m getting near her when she’s like that.
Signed,
Night Light.
Dear Mister Night Light,
Please, we beg for your help again. We’ve finally found Miss Twilight Velvet: she was trying to get in the Royal Library again. We don’t know if she’s the most powerful magician we’ve encountered in ten years or if we’re just too afraid of her screams, but she got away this time and long story short now she’s using the Reading Room as her fortress.
We’re trying to get her out of there unsuccessfully, and half of us are already wounded.
Sir, please. Please.
Sincerely,
The Royal Guard.
Dear Royal Guard,
I’m afraid to say that you had it coming; I told you to leave her alone. And again, I’m not getting near her. I doubt I would be of help anyway. Have you tried asking nicely?
Signed,
Night Light
Dear Mister Night Light,
We tried asking nicely. It didn’t work out. She wants the time travelling spells, and at this rate we’ll end up giving them to her. We honestly don’t know what to do anymore. We even promised that she wouldn’t get back to the dungeons if she came out, but Miss Twilight Velvet didn’t listen. She's using one of the curtains as a whip.
Sincerely,
The Royal Guard
Dear Royal Guard,
It’s awfully nice for you to promise that! Poor Twilight Velvet just got a little stressed tonight, but she wouldn’t harm a fly. She’s such a sweetheart.
Signed,
Night Light
Dear Mister Night Light,
This is not begging anymore. We order you to come here and help us. Miss Twilight Velvet is getting better with the whip and half our guards can’t fight anymore. She may not harm a fly tonight, but apparently stallions are fine in her book.
You’re our last hope, and with Celestia as my witness I swear we won’t lose against a single unicorn! You’re her husband! If you were able to convince her to marry you, you will be able to get her out!
Sincerely,
The Royal Guard
Dear Royal Guard,
Not really. I just used my dazzling looks on her. Worked like a charm.
Sincerely,
Night light.
Dear Mister Night Light,
I said it was an order. Come here right now. The Royal Guard doesn’t care about your looks, dazzling as they may be.
Come here and help us NOW!
Sincerely,
The Royal Guard
Dear Royal Guard,
Last time I checked, civilians couldn’t be forced to participate in Royal Guard issues. I can give you moral support though.
Go Royal Guards!
Sincerely.
Night Light
Dear Night Light,
MISS TWILIGHT VELVET HAS OPENED THE DOOR AND NOW SHE’S SWITCHED HER STRATEGY TO AN OFFENSIVE ONE!
SHE’S SWEEPING US OUT! SHE’S REPELLING OUR SPELLS WITH THE WHIP!
HELP US!
Sincerely,
The Royal Guard
Dear Royal Guard,
You can repel spells with a whip? Celestia, my wife is impressive sometimes.
But don’t worry, you still have the moral high ground here. Whipping ponies is bad. Go Royal Guards!
Signed,
Night Light
Dear Night Light,
WE CAN’T WIN AGAINST THE WHIPPING DEMON! SHE’S GOING TO END US ALL!
SHE’S WHIPPING ME RIGHT NOW AND IT HURTS LIKE TARTARUS! PLEASE, HELP!
Sincerely,
The Royal Guard
Dear Royal Guard,
Twilight Velvet is whipping you and you still send me a letter? I don’t really understand how that works, but Princess Celestia can be proud of her Royal Guards’ dedication.
I think screaming for help would be more more efficient, though. But hey, I’m nopony to tell you how to do your job.
And don’t worry, I’m sure she’ll get tired soon. She only switches to attacking when she’s about to run out of batteries.
Signed,
Night Light
Dear Mister Night Light,
This is probably going to be the last letter I ever send. I would prefer sending this to my wife and daughter, but the captain has fallen and he was the only one who knew how to change the automatic spell. So I ask you to look for them once this is over, and make sure they know I love them.
I can see the Whipping Devil approaching me. I can see the evil spark in her eye. There’s only the two of us left, and once the whip swings again, there will only be one.
I spent six years training with the spear. I’m the best spearstallion in the Royal Guard. I don’t have my loyal weapon with me this time, only a broken mop. But it will have to do it.
There’s no hope left. I know I won’t make it. But I will try. For the ones who tried before me and failed, and for the ones who ran in despair. For my comrades.
FOR CELESTIA!
Sincerely,
The Royal Guard
Dear Royal Guard,
How dramatic. I’m dying to know what happens next!
Signed,
Night Light
Dear Night Light
I made it. My eyes are shutting closed, and I don’t know how much time I have left, so I’ll go straight to the point: the Whipping Demon seemed to calm down and fell asleep all of a sudden. However, I will follow her in no time. I’m too tired to keep going.
We won, Mister Night Light.
It cost us everything, but we won.
Sincerely,
The Royal Guard
Dear Royal Guard,
Oh my, she fell asleep? How adorable!
Anyway, I guess I need to go and get her now. She’ll hurt her back if she sleeps on the floor. Plus we have special visitors and Twilight Velvet has to be here. I've already bought popcorn and everything.
Signed,
Night Light
