My Little Pony: Friendship is EMBARRASSING!
REALLY NIGHT MARE MOON?! part #1
Author's Note
Okay, because of my story EWE you all know that Jason marries Rainbow Dash. This story begins five years before that...so they know of each other, they just don't love each other yet.
REALLY NIGHT MARE MOON?! part #1
"Once upon a time, in the magical land of Equestria, there were two regal sisters who ruled together, and created harmony for all the land. To do this, the eldest used her unicorn powers to raise the sun at dawn; the younger brought out the moon to begin the night. Thus, the two sisters maintained balance for their kingdom and their subjects, all the different types of ponies. But as time went on, the younger sister became resentful. The ponies relished and played in the day her elder sister brought forth, but shunned and slept through her beautiful night. One fateful day, the younger unicorn refused to lower the moon to make way for the dawn. The elder sister tried to reason with her, but the bitterness in the young one's heart had transformed her into a wicked mare of darkness: Nightmare Moon . She vowed that she would shroud the land in eternal night. Reluctantly, the elder sister harnessed the most powerful magic known to ponydom: the Elements of Harmony. Using the magic of the Elements of Harmony, she defeated her younger sister, and banished her permanently in the moon. The elder sister took on responsibility for both sun and moon and harmony has been maintained in Equestria for generations since!" Twilight read.
"WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO READ THAT FUCKING BOOK!!" Somepony yelled from the background.
"WHY? Who's there?" Twilight asked.
"Oh, sorry. Allow me to introduce myself, I am Jason Alexander Cider! You can call me Jason!" Twilight gave Jason a blank exasperation.
"Well, Mr. Cider, I really don't think of this a bit civilized! Why did you yell at me and told that I always read the story of the Elements of Harmon...wait a second...elements of Harmony? I know I herd of them before!" Twilight looks at Jason and stands up, "If you pardon me, I have to...study!" she ran off.
"Damn! There must be something really important if she needs to go STUDY! It must be a mare thing...I don't know."
"HEY TWILIGHT!" Quick-Bolt yelled.
"Oh, hay honey! Why do you need me?" Quick-Bolt gave his veryspecialsomepony a kiss and a hug.
"Two things, one Why were you talking to...JASON!?" Quick-Bolt stared back at Jason, " and two, you got a letter from the princess. She wants you to go to Ponyville with Spike!"
"Why does the princess want me to go to Ponyville? I'm still under her as her pupil."
"Yeah babe, she wants you to check out the thousandth summer-sun Celebration...or some shit like that I don't know! The princess wasn't very clear with her letter."
"What does the letter say?"
"Dear Twilight Sparkle; I need you to go to Ponyville, there is something you need to look at there. Oh, and don't worry, Night Mare Moon will not come back from her sentence trying to kill everypony in Equestria! Well, have fun, Love Princess Celestia!"
"OH MY GOD! She wasn't at all clear in the letter, wait NIGHT MARE MOON IS GOING TO KILL EVERYPONY IN EQUESTRIA!"
"No Twilight, she said that Night Mare Moon isn't going to kill everypony in Equestria! Man, you really need to listen when ponies talk! If you don't, you sound like an..." Jason was interrupted.
"You better think of what's going to happen next," there was bit of a pause. Jason thought long and hard, but it just hurt his head the more he thought.
"It makes you sound like an idiot. Come at me Q-B!" Quick-Bolt winded his hoof back, and hit Jason straight in the face!
"NEVER CALL TWILIGHT AN IDIOT YOU DODO!"
"DON'T CALL ME THINGS I DON'T KNOW THE MEANING TO! Oh, and I said LOOKS LIKE AN IDIOT! You bumble-faggot!" Jason walked off and Quick-Bolt noticed that Twilight is gone.
"The Elements of Harmony...now I know I herd them before! But where?" Jason looked as the mare fled.
"She must have been late for somethin', I don't know," Quick-Bolt hits Jason in the face.
"SHUT UP JASON! Oh god, you get more ignorant the more you age!"
"Yo Quick-Bolt! I have somethin' important...you might like!"
"What Jason?"
"I'm girting married! The mare wants me to go live with her so, Imma gonna pack my bags and head out!" Jason runs
"that's Nice and all but..." Jason's no longer in sight, "WHERE ARE YOU GONNA LIVE! Dumb ass!" Quick-Bolt Follows Jason.
Twilight opens the door to her study,hitting Spike in the process! "Spike. Siiike....SPIKE!"
"I'm down here Twilight! The door kind of gave me a concussion! It hurt like....well, anything that would hurt!"
"SPIKE! WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOU TO GET INJURED! NOW, were is that book of Predictions and Prophecies.
"How about i got you some poised TEA!" Spike whispered.
"What was that Spike?" Twilight asked.
"NOTHING!" Twilight starts levitating books twords her self
"No, no, no... no, no, no!" she lets off a grunt, "SPIKE!"
"It's over here!" twilight Uses magic and he falls on his face. Twilight reads the cover of the book.
"Ah!" She trots off.
"ASSHOLE!" Spike yelled.
"Ah! Elements, Elements, E, E, E... Aha! Elements of Harmony, see: Mare in the Moon?"
"Mare in the Moon? But that's just an old ponies' tale," Spike was putting some books books back but in Twilight's hurry to the next book, knocked him over, "you can watch were you are going!" she started reading a new book.
"Mare, mare... aha! The Mare in the Moon, myth from olden pony times. A powerful pony who wanted to rule Equestria, defeated by the Elements of Harmony and imprisoned in the moon. Legend has it that on the longest day of the thousandth year, the stars will aid in her escape, and she will bring about nighttime eternal!" She let out a loud gasp, "Spike! Do you know what this means?"
"You won't shut up for ten minutes!" Twilight kicks the ladder.
"Take a note please, to the Princess."
"Fine, wasn't like I wasn't DOING ANYTHING!"
"Good! My dearest teacher, my continuing studies of pony magic have led me to discover that we are on the precipice of disaster!"
"Hold your horses! Preci... preci... "
"Threshold." Spike stares at Twilight, "Uh, brink?"
"I'm a BABY dragon, remember?"
"Ugh, that something really bad is about to happen!" Spike continues to write "For you see, the mythical Mare in the Moon is in fact Nightmare Moon, and she's about to return to Equestria, and bring with her eternal night! Something must be done to make sure this terrible prophecy does not come true. I await your quick response. Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle."
"Twiilllight....Sparrrkle! GOT IT!"
"Great! Now send it!"
"Now?"
"Of course!"
"For a smart mare, that's a really dumb idea! Princess Celestia's a little busy getting ready for the Summer Sun Celebration. And it's like, the day after tomorrow."
"hat's just it, Spike. The day after tomorrow is the thousandth year of the Summer Sun Celebration! It's imperative that the Princess is told right away! "
"Do you want me to write that down to?"
"NO!" Spike flies back, hitting a couch.
"Fine, fine! Just stop yelling!" Spike sends the letter, "but don't count on it!"
"Oh, I'm not worried, Spike. The Princess trusts me completely. In all the years she's been my mentor she's never once doubted me," spike receives a letter, "See? I knew she would want to take immediate action."
"My dearest, most faithful student Twilight. You know that I value your diligence and that I trust you completely, but didn't I tell you that she WASN'T COMING BACK! Now, stop wasting your time and go to Ponyville NOW!"
"WHAT!"
"Oh, it says..."
"I KNOW WHAT IT SAYS!"
"Than why did you ask?"
"LET'S GO!"
Spike laughs while reading the rest of the letter, "'My dear Twilight, there is more to a young pony's life than studying, so I have an even more essential task for you to complete: make some friends!' like that's ever going to happen!"
"SPIKE!" Twilight Yelled.
"Yeah Twilight?" Spike asked.
"Shut Up!" Twilight yelled
"Look on the bright side, Twilight. The Princess arranged for you to stay in a library. Doesn't that make you happy?" Spike points on the letter.
"Yes, yes it does. You know why? Because I'm right! I'll check on the preparations as fast as I can, then get to the library to find some proof of Nightmare Moon's return."
"You know Princess Celestia doesn't like it when you say that she's wrong and you're right Twilight."
"Spike!"
"Yeah Twilight?"
"Shut Up!"
"Then... when will you make friends, like the Princess said?"
"She said to check on preparations. I am her student, and I'll do my royal duty, but the fate of Equestria does not rest on me making friends!" The carriage lands, and they get off, "Thank you, sirs."
"Maybe the ponies in Ponyville have interesting things to talk about. Come on, Twilight, just try" A pink pony walks up and stares at Twilight.
"uhh...Hello?" The Pink pony gasped and ran, "Well, that was interesting all right."
"But that's one crazy bitch!"
"That's true!" Twilight sighs, "Summer Sun Celebration official overseer's checklist. Number one, banquet preparations: Sweet Apple Acres!" They arrive at a farm.
"Yeehaw!" Somepony yelled.
"Let's get this over with!" She meets up with the head of the apple farm, "Good afternoon. My name is Twilight Sparkle--"
"Well, howdy-doo, Miss Twilight, a pleasure makin' your acquaintance. I'm Applejack. We here at Sweet Apple Acres sure do like making new friends!" Applejack yelled.
"Friends? Actually, I--"
"So, what can I do you for?"
"Shut up is one!" Twilight whispered!
"What was that?" Applejack asked.
" I am in fact here to supervise preparations for the Summer Sun Celebration. And you're in charge of the food?"
"We sure as sugar are! Would you care to sample some?"
"Sure...as...sugar?"
"That's what Ah said!"
"As long as it doesn't take too long..." Twilight hears the sound of a Triangle Ring.
"Soup's on, everypony!" a huge rush of ponies run out of her barn and house, "Now, why don't I introduce y'all to the Apple family?"
"Thanks, but I really need to hurry--"
"This here's Apple Fritter. Apple Bumpkin. Red Gala. Red Delicious, Golden Delicious, Caramel Apple, Apple Strudel, Apple Tart, Baked Apples, Apple Brioche, Apple Cinnamon Crisp," Applejack takes a big breath in,"Big McIntosh, Apple Bloom and, Granny Smith. Up'n'attem, Granny Smith, we got guests!" a really old pony gets off of a rocking chair.
"Wha..? Soup's on? I'm up, here I come, ahm comin'..."
"WOW! She's so old she probably founded Ponyville!" Spike whispered to Twilight.
"Why, Ah'd say you're already part of the family!" Twilight gets surprised and spits some food out. She glances at Spike and gives a nervous smile.
"Okay, well, I can see the food situation is handled, so we'll be on our way," Twilight starts to whisper to Spike, "Let's get the fuck out of here!" Before she was able to run, she was stopped by a little filly about 9-years-old.
"Aren't you gonna stay for brunch?" The sweet filly said.
"Sorry, but we have an awful lot to do? We can't waste more time here!"
"AWWW" The entire Apple Family sighed.
"FINE!" Twilight bothered.
"YEAH!" The entire Apple Family yelled!
Twilight has a large stomach from eating allot of food, " Food's all taken care of, next is weather Fatass!
"Spike, what did I tell you back in Canterlot?" Twilight asked.
"Shut up?" Spike asked.
"Shut up!" Twilight yelled.
"Hmm, there's supposed to be a Pegasus pony named Rainbow Dash clearing the clouds."
"Well, she's not doing a very good job, is she?" Twilight was hit on the side by something going to fast to see.
"Uh, 'scuse me?" She gives a sheepish laugh, "Lemme help you." She flies off to get a cloud and comes back. She jumps on it a couple of times to get some mud off of Twilight. It worked, besides the fact that she is now soaking wet, "Oops, I guess I overdid it. Um, uh, how about this?" She causes a tornado around Twilight, "My very own patented Rain-Blow Dry! No no. Don't thank me. You're quite welcome." She takes a look at Twilight and starts to laugh.
"What? What's so funny?" She looked at a pond and saw her messed up mane, " Let me guess. You're Rainbow Dash."
"The one and only. Why, you heard of me?"
"The only thing that I heard, is that you were supposed to be keeping the sky clear," she lets off a sigh, "I'm Twilight Sparkle, and the Princess sent me to check on the weather."
"Yeah, yeah, that'll be a snap. I'll do it in a jiffy. Just as soon as I'm done practicing!"
"Practicing for what?"
"The Wonderboltz! They're gonna perform at the Celebration tomorrow, and I'm gonna show 'em my stuff!"
"The Wonderboltz?"
"Yep!"
"The most talented flyers in all of Equestria?"
"That's them!"
"Pfft! Like they would want a mare that can't even clear the clouds for one day."
"Hey, I could clear this sky in ten seconds flat."
"Bullshit!"
"Fine, lets make a deal! If I do clear the sky in ten seconds, than you have to buy me diner for the next three weeks!"
"Deal!" That was Rainbow Dash's signal to start. She took off as a flying bullet hitting all the clouds in the sky. Her time was ten seconds. She landed on the ground panting.
"THERE! Ten Seconds Flat! Guess like I'm getting diner tonight huh Twilight" She notices that Twilight wasn't there, "Twilight? That little bitch skipped out on me! I'm gonna fucking KILL HER!"
Twilight is running. She doesn't want to be caught by Rainbow Dash. "She was fast! No way am I paying for someponies dinner for three weeks! Screw that!" Twilight said, trying to explain her cowerdness.
"She did mess up your mane! But still, that was a humongous Bitch move!" Spike bothered.
"Spike,"
"Shut Up?"
"SHUT UP!"
"Next is a mare named Rarity! Huh, that's a very stupid name!" Spike and Twilight enters the door. Spike notices the beautiful mare messing with some ribbon, "She's the most beautiful thing that I have ever seen!"
"Are you Rarity?" Twilight asked.
"Just a moment, please! I'm 'in the zone', as it were." she finds a sparkly piece of ribbon, "Oh, yes! Sparkle always does the trick, does it not? Why, Rarity, you are a talent," she turns to Twilight, "Now, um, how can I help yo--" she notices her hideous hair. "Oh my stars, darling! Whatever happened to your coiffure?!"
Twilight looks at her mane, "Oh, you mean my mane? Well, it's a long story. I'm just here to check on the decorations, and then I'll be out of your hair!"
"Was it Rainbow Dash and her patented Rain-Blow Dry?"
"Y-Yes? How did you know?"
"It's a long story! Let's just say that it involves allot of Spaghetti sauce and allot of Bare Traps!"
"Wh-What!?" Spike and Twilight yelled in unison.
"Nothing Well, anyways lets fix your hair!" she starts messing up her hair. " Too green," she messes with it again, "Too yellow," she messes with her hair again, "Too poofy" she messes with her hair again , "Not poofy enough." she messes with her hair again , "Too frilly.." she messes with her hair again , " Too... shiny. ." she messes with her hair again , "Now go on, my dear. You were telling me where you're from."
"No I wasn't!"
"Well, now you can tell me darling!"
"I've... been sent... from Canterlot... to--"
"Canterlot?! Oh, I am so envious! The glamor, the sophistication! I have always dreamed of living there! I can't wait to hear all about it! We are gonna be the best of friends, you and I... Emeralds?! What was I thinking? Let me get you some rubies!" She runs off and Twilight whispers to Spike.
"Lets get the FUCK out of here!" Spike didn't want to leave
"AH! One pony! I want to meet one pony that's not batshit crazy!" Twilight yelled. She heard the sounds of beautiful music.
"Oh my. Um, stop please, everyone," she goes to a single bird "umm. Excuse me, sir? I mean, no offense, but your rhythm is just a teeny-tiny bit off. Now, follow me, please. A-one, a-two, a-one two three-" Fluttershy said kindly.
"Whats up?"
"WHATTHEFUCK!" Flutter shy yelped quickly. The birds got scared and flew off quickly.
"Oh that's my bad! I didn't mean to frighten your birds. I'm just here to check up on the music and it's sounding beautiful!" she pauses for a second, " I'm Twilight Sparkle, whats your name?"
"I-I'm...fluttershy," she said quietly.
"I'm sorry, what was that?"
"Um... My name is Fluttershy." she whispered.
"Didn't quite catch that!" she started to cry, "OH FUCK I didn't mean for you to cry! See Spike, you ruin Everything!" Fluttershy looks up and sees a baby dragon.
"A baby dragon!" She pushes Twilight out of the way, " Oh, I've never seen a baby dragon before. He's sooo cute!"
"Well, well, well...!" Spike boasted!
"Oh my, he talks. I didn't know dragons could talk. That's just so incredibly wonderful I, I just don't even know what to say!"
"Yeah he talks! A little to much. He wont shut the fuck up!"
"Wait, wait! What's his name?"
"I'm Spike." Spike said.
" Hi Spike, I'm Fluttershy. Wow, a talking dragon! And what do dragons talk about?"
"Well, what do you wanna know?"
"Absolutely everything!" Spike crawled on top of Twilight's back and they started to walk.
"Well... I started out as a cute little purple and green egg..." FIVE HOURS LATTER "...and that's the story of my whole entire life! Well, up until today. Do you wanna hear about today?"
"Oh, yes, please!" Fluttershy pleaded.
"Well..."
"Hey, look over there!" Fluttershy turned her head and Twilight hit Spike.
"Is he sleeping?" Fluttershy asked.
"Yeah, usually blood force trauma would do that!" Twilight explained.
"What did you say?"
"I said...yeah, he's a baby dragon after all! He's gonna be sleeping allot!" Twilight said nervously!
"Oh okay than. Poor baby! He had SOOO much energy! I wonder what tired him out?" Fluttershy asked. Twilight grew a nervous grin.
:
" I am so sorry, how did we get here so fast? This is where I'm staying while in Ponyville and my poor baby dragon needs his sleep."
"OH! Well I don't want to wake hi--"
"That was a jerk move Twilight!" Spike said rubbing his head.
"What did that big, ol' meenie do to you?"
"She hit me in the back of the head! It's okay though, she hits me all the time!"
"Oh that's horrible! She should get arrested!"
"Only if he was a pet! But he's not, he's an assistant! Not a pet." Twilight interjected.
"That only makes my point..." Twilight slammed a door to the library.
Twilight pushed up against the door in a surprisingly dark room. She gave a sigh of relive before checking for a peephole to see if Fluttershy was still hanging around the back.
“Thank god! Flutter-something isn’t hanging out around front!” Twilight sighed.
“You didn’t have to do that Twilight; she was the only pony that was nice to me since…” Spike was interrupted.
“We shall never speak of her again Spike! Never fucking EVER Spike!” Twilight hit Spike again in the back of the head. The lights were thrown on.
“SURPRISE!!!” They see the injured dragon cub knocked out on the floor and SLOWLY turned off the lights.
THREE HOURES LATTER!
“WOW! This party is off the chain!” The pink, annoying pony yelled in other ponies faces.
“But daddy you promised!” A light purple filly yelled, pushing up against a light brown familiar pony.
“I’m sorry Shimmer but you can’t have any cider! Not until you’re twelve!” The black maned pony bossed. This familiar pony looked at Twilight and gave a slight smirk.
“I see you are telling your daughter that she can’t have cider until she turns twelve, am I right?” Twilight asked.
“You’re Twilight, Twilight Sparkle Right?”
“Yeah, and who are you?” The pony started to laugh.
“You don’t remember me do you?”
“No, should I?”
“I am the pony you met in Canterlot! I was the one that Quick-Bolt hates.”
“I still don’t remember you!”
“I am ‘THE GREAT AND SEXY’ JASON ALEXANDER CIDER! Umm…ya’ll can call me Jason!” Jason yelled at the top of his lungs.
“Well Mr. Cider! The drinking age for ponies is thirteen, not twelve! So, I’m gonna have to call social services on you.”
“Really animal beater, you’re gonna call social services on ME? Why don’t I call humane society on you! You do seem to like to beat this poor thing! He’s just an annoying, little baby dragon!” Twilight couldn’t speak. She stood there with her mouth wide open, “yeah, that’s what I thought.” Jason walks off and the pink pony grabs Twilight.
“Isn’t this party just the best thing that has ever happened in the history of awesome fucking parties?” The pink pony asked.
“Before that last part, yeah, it was actually bad ass!” The pink pony inhaled really hard, “wait, I know yo—“
“SUCH LANGUAGE, and in front of CHILDREN no less!!!” Twilight got confused, “I’m just messing with ya! My names Pinkamina Diane Pie! You can call me Pinkie or Pinkie Pie!” Pinkie Pie joked.
“Cool! I’ll be sure to remember that!” Twilight nodded her head and here comes a shy figure, Fluttershy.
“Hay…Twilight, beat any dragons lately?” Fluttershy gave a big frown.
“HA! That was really funny!” Jason yelled far away from them.
“SHUT UP JASON! It seems like I’m gonna say that allot!” Jason looks angrily at Twilight and runs over.
“And I would like to let you know…”
“Your daughter is getting into the apple cider!”
“Damnit Shimmer! I told you not until tomorrow!” Jason yelled, chasing after the young filly.
“I thought you said next year? You know, when she’s twelve!” Twilight yelled.
“She turns twelve tomorrow! You dumb bitch!” Jason yelled back.
“OHHHH! BURN!” The crowd yelled. Twilight used the distraction to slip away to the big microphone she’s been eyeing for a while.
“Excuse me?” Twilight asked. “Excuse me?” no one answered. Twilight had lost her nerves, “EXCUSE ME?!”
“Yes Vicky?” Pinkie and Jason yelled in unison. The ponies in the audience stared at those two.
“The party is over! Now, I want you two to silently and quietly, GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!” Twilight yelled.
“This isn’t a house, it’s a library!” Jason corrected.
“Same thing,” Twilight yelled, “and that’s not quietly Mr. Cider!”
“She told you off Jason!” Pinkie Pie gloated.
“Shut up! That’s not quiet either Pinkamina!” Pinkie gave Jason a dazed look.
“The fuck you call me Jason!?” Jason gave a sly smirk. The ponies leave one by one. When they all were gone she fell on her back.
“I thought they were never going to fucking leave!” Twilight said. She got back on her hoofs.
“What are you going to do now since everypony is no longer standing right here?” Spike asked.
“I’m going to fucking sleep! I needed to relax since Rainbow Bitch!” Twilight went to her bedroom…that she knew where it was apparently.
THE NEXT DAY!!
“Now Welcome, the greatest pony that has ever lived, The Great and Sexy JASON CIDER!” Jason announced as he walked into the building. Some ponies cheered and someponies gave him a weird glance.
“YOU SUCK!” Quick-Bolt yelled from the crowd.
“Let me copy not so great, and the not so sexy Quick-Bolt, ‘Fuck you Jason!’” Jason waited for a second, “wait a second. Oh fuck, I made fun of myself.”
“YES YOU DID JASON! IT WAS FUNNY AS FUCK!” Quick-Bolt yelled.
“Now, we pardon that…interruption to introduce you to the Princess of Equestria, Princess CELESTIA!” Mayor Mare yelled waiting for Princess Celestia to walk through the door. Nothing happened. “Uh hum, I said, ‘introduce you to the Princess of Equestria, Princess CELESTIA!’” Nothing happened, “can somepony make sure she’s still here!”
“Uhh…yes ma’am!” Rarity yelled after running inside big purple curtains.
“What happens if Princess Celestia isn’t here? What’s going to happen?” Somepony is the crowd asked.
“I-I don’t know!” Somepony replied. Jason pulls out a lawn chair and laid in it.
“What are you doing retard?” Quick-Bolt asked.
“I’m keeping cool in the obvious foreshadowing! The Princess isn’t here!” Jason lets out a sly smile. “She’s not back here!” Rarity yelled. The entire crowd took a sharp breath in. Jason laughs.
“Pick up the phone motherfuckers!” Jason yelled.
“Why is that Jason?” Twilight asked.
“’Cause I fucking called it!” Jason yelled. Some ponies looked at him and laughed, even Twilight, “AH yes! I finally did it, I made Twilight laugh!” Jason stood up “Fuck yall I’m going home!” Jason left.
“Let’s hope we never seeing him again!” Quick-Bolt jokes. A purple smog rises around the top were Princess Celestia is supposed to be.
“Mau ha ha, I am Night Mare Moon!” Night Mare Moon yelled.
“Well we’re fucked!” Spike yelled.
“Next time on My Little Pony: Friendship is Embarrassing! Jason gets a little more magic than needed to rescue the world and our heroes find the true meaning of…” Quick-Bolt sequenced.
“Hold your horses bro! We don’t want to ruin everything! See you next time on My Little Pony: Friendship is Embarrassing!!” Jason yelled.