There Can Only Be One!

by TwilightPoopSparkle

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Slice of Life
Length: 1549

Only Twilight Sparkle can eat peaches! Not Twist.

Twilight discovered the worst possible thing! Twist. Is. Eating. Her. Peaches! Twilight can't accept that. Only Twilight and Twilight alone should eat peaches!

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-12-30 05:10:06 UTC

My precious...

     The marketplace was surely alive today. Ponies were bustling everywhere, buying trinkets for their hoarding collections. If felt like every pony was in the market today, even Gilda and a couple of dragons. There was even a brawl over a on-sale lamp next door. (It was really serious.) But who cares about them? This story is about Twilight and her slave assistant Spike.

     "Oh Spike, this is amazing! The fresh air, the manure everywhere, I feel so alive!" Sang Twilight.

     The baby dragon didn't care anyway. She rudely awoke him up from bed, forced him to help shop for groceries, and not even gave a fuck about him. "Yeah, whatever." To be honest, it was a pretty normal day for him. The duo walked through the stands, admiring everything other ponies sold. Even though most of it was old and useless.

     "Hey! Let's go over to the food stands. Maybe they have all my peaches!" The purple alicorn grabbed her slave's arm, and caused him to drop several hundred pounds of ink and quills.

     "Aw shit Twilight! You made me drop all this. Now I have to pick this all up or at least clean it all up...and you aren't even caring."

     "Hmmm...what? Oh yeah, I have been listening the whole time, and you will be punished for cussing when we get back to the library. Maybe a hot poker in your ass will do the trick. OOOH! Look what you did!" Spike didn't dare to look at the mess he she made. He was dragged through the market place quickly, and could already see ponies from 300 meters away drowning in ink. "This calls for an extra punishment. I will think of one later. But I need my peaches!"

     Twilight still didn't give a fuck as she saw Rarity drown in the ink. "Twilight! Help me! I can't swim in all this...ulh, ink."

     "Well it's all your fault that you're a sissy with ink. Maybe black will suit your coat better." She kept walking along not even paying attention to the white unicorn floating face down and not breathing. "Hmph, peaches are more important than you." Spike shed a few tears. Even covered in Twilight's ink, Rarity was still beautiful.

     The peach stand was completely unharmed. There were barrels and barrels of her favorite fruit, just standing there. No warning came, Twilight leaped right into the closest barrel. Peach cores flew in every direction as she devoured them. Spike stepped back in disgust as one core splattered on his toe and head.

     "My Celestia, how do I managed to live with you?"

     This was way worse when Applejack ate so many apples that she went into a self-induced coma. The alicorn's hooves were a blur shoving the delicious fruit into her bulging cheeks. She moaned in happiness as the peach made passionate love to her.

     Her assistant ran away to get some brain bleach for this virgin eyeballs. "I'm fucking done with this shit. Twilight I'm moving to Appaloosa, and you can't stop me." Before he completely walked away, he was picked up by Twilight's magic.

     "Spike...I need you to go back to the mess you made...grab an ink and quill...and write to Celestia...explaining how good peaches are! You go, and I'll take a dump." She crawled out of the barrel and threw Spike into the ink mess, where he would probably never find another quill.

     Little did the duo know, a little filly was watching them. More like a little filly with a lisp. "I wundur whi  Twiligh is eiting algh tose paches lik cwazy. She's guing ta gut a tummy ache!" She watched the alicorn take a dump all over a bean stand.

     "This is what beans do to me you big doucebag! My books prove it. Now eat my shit!" While Twilight was busy shoving manure into the poor vendor's mouth, Twist snuck over to the peach stand.

     "Oooooooh! How pweety. Aww, there'z onwy one left. Twiligh ate like a  kagillion, so it't wooden't hurt me at all." She grabbed the last one with her mouth and left three bits on the counter. Even though everypony was preoccupied with Twilight's...scene, Twist didn't want to become a thief.

     Once all the ponies dispersed, Twilight galloped to the sight. Her eyes grew the size of saucers while her screaming shook mountains to the core. "WHO ATE THE LAST FUCKING PEACH?! THAT WAS ONLY FOR ME!!! I'M GOING TO FUCKING MURDER WHOEVER STOLE IT! NOW SOMEONE COME HERE AND CONFESS, OR ELSE I'M GOING TO SHIT IN EVERYPONIES' MOUTHS!"

     Every single creature moved out of the way, including some flies, to reveal the cream colored filly hiding in a corner while snacking on a peach. Suddenly she felt that all eyeballs were on her. "Wut?" The eyes moved from her face to the peach she was holding. "Uh oh."

     Celestia was organizing law papers and burning them when her sister came in. "Celestia! I feel a great disturbance in the air!" The white alicorn shoved her away as she smelled the air. It smelled like...peaches.

     "Luna, I figured out the problem...somepony ate Twilight's peaches. Now shit is about to be real."

     Anypony within a mile imminently had ruptured eardrums from her scream. Twilight's dark mane and tail morphed into scorching flames (Anypony within a three meter radius was incinerated.) while her eyes grew bright red. "I'm going to rip your fucking legs off." The magic picked up Twist by her red hair, causing her to squeal in pain.

     Her body flew into a stand, unfortunately, that was a conveniently placed knife stand. A sword impaled her legs and hip as Twist scrambled for freedom. Into other stands she flew , ending up more bruised than before. By the tenth throw, Twist was bleeding from all over, the worst from the stomach. Her purple glasses were deeply imbedded into the filly's cheek.

     "Since you wanted my last peach, you may have the rest of them!" Twilight stuck her hoof at the back of her throat, and vomited up all her half digested peaches, and some vodka.

     "Ewwww...." With those last words, the peaches crammed themselves into Twist's mouth. She desperately tried to vomit them back up, but so many were coming down her scratched throat that her gag reflexes didn't kick in. "Mmmmph! Mphmmmm!" More and more were piled into her, and they were all going to her stomach. It started swelling, almost to the point where she was eight-months pregnant. Fat crept into her arms and legs, turning her into the fattest pony alive. Not even Celestia's fat sexy ass could top that.

     Pretty soon, there were no more peaches to stuff. Twilight looked around, trying to find anything else. She smirked when she saw Twist rolling around, her little hooves too high off the ground to do anything. 'Dammit! Are there anymore peaches?" A nervous looking Fluttershy walked up, her voice wavering slightly.

     "Well...I don't want to be stuffed and shat on...but we could try some nice...juicy...apples." A table knocked into the side of her head, causing her to have severe head trauma for the rest of her life.

     "Not good enough! SPIKE! Where is my letter explaining how peaches are so heavenly?" Twilight closed her eyes concentrating on where Spike was. It was too soon for the train to arrive to Appaloosa, so that must mean... "Oh Shit! I think I killed him. Serves him right anyway, getting up all in my way, burning everything up." A spell teleported his body to the peach scene, right next to Twist's bloated body. "Hmmmmm..."

     Twilight picked up a knife, nice and sharp. She cut off Spike's scales and wang, and shoved them into Twist. Her body could not handle all that extra weight, so her body exploded. Organs and peaches floated into the breeze, settling gently onto the shocked audience. Poor souls, they're going to have to visit a therapist for the rest of their lives. I'm going to go too.

     The blood soaked alicorn cackled in delight, lapping up all the blood and extremely disgusting peaches that had spilled. "Yum, these go great with my peaches. This should be a recipe one day. Blood and peaches, they go nicely together." Everypony ran screaming away, either running to a therapist or towards some brain bleach. (It's very handy nowadays.)

     Twilight rested in the trampled marketplace, watching drunkenly at objects swirl around blurry. A noise of some barrels falling snapped her back to attention. After putting down her vodka, she walked to some random stallion placing the barrels right next to the peach stand. "May I ask, *hic* of what are in these crates, my dear stallion?"

     He glanced to Twilight, oblivious to the scene around him. "Well ma'm, these are some new peaches that were shipped here. Err, I don't think that there was enough peaches today, some I came to drop them off." He nervously patted the wooden objects, packed to the brim with peachiness.

     "Oh goodie! My favorite!" She dived into the barrels, as the madness happened all over again.