How Long is Forever?

by TheExhaustedBrony

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Sad, Derpy Hooves
Length: 1080

An infinite number of lifetimes worth of pain and suffering.

There are many things that ponies want to do in their lifetime. They want to get their cutie mark, have friends, fall in love and start a family, and share many wonderful memories before they grow old and die. Ditzy Doo was one of those ponies. Was. Several thousands of years ago, those joys were taken away from her.

Big thanks to, CartsBeforeHorses, for pre-reading and editing this story! If you don't know about him already, check him out. He rite good story!

Submitted for the 31shotober challenge!

Published 2013-10-10 13:40:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-10-10 13:40:03 UTC

How Long is Forever?

Everyday I watch the sunrise and the sunset. I watch how time passes by for the world. They say that time leaves its mark on everything, but that's not entirely correct. I am not affected by that force that moves life forward. Everything moves forward except for me. I've witnessed the creation of new species, I've visited the Crystal Empire before it's disappearance, I've witnessed the battles between Nightmare Moon and Discord, and I have met Starswirl the Bearded face to face! I am deathless. I cannot die. Well, actually, I can die, but I wont stay dead. I wake up at the edge of the Everfree forest each time. I’m unable to experience the peace of the eternal slumber.

I just don't know what went wrong. That's what I keep telling myself. I can't even remember what I did to deserve this curse. Was it something I said that offended someone? I'll never be able to remember what truly happened. Must have been at least a couple hundred years. Maybe a few thousands? I'm not sure anymore.

I used to be a normal pegasus. I used to enjoy life and its many gifts. I used to have friends. I watched them grow, have a fulfilled life, become old and die. All the while, I stayed the same. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to live with yourself, knowing that your friends will die long before you do? Eventually I stopped seeking friendships. It's a vicious cycle of pain and despair. I decided that my best option is to not get too close to others to avoid having my heart broken again. I needed to find a way to make myself seem less approachable. I spent about a year thinking of a way to change my appearance when I saw a muffin in the middle of the road. Even though I can't die, I still get hungry and I can still feel pain. I stopped and decided to eat the delicious treat, but before I could take a bite, I was interrupted by a sharp pain in my head and then darkness.

I woke up at the edge of the Everfree forest, the same place I wake up every time I die. However, something about my surroundings was all wrong. My vision was completely off. I decided it'd be best to go back home and clean myself off. I never did get to eat that muffin.

As I took my first step, I felt extremely awkward. My skewed vision threw off my depth perception and balance completely, causing me to fall down onto my face. I got back up carefully watching the ground around my hooves. Even while looking down, I could see what was right in front of me. I wound up falling down every few yards and it took about thirty seconds to regain my balance. Getting back home took many hours more than what it usually would.

When I finally approached the door to my house, I could hardly tell where the door knob was and how far away it was. My memory and my eyes were conflicting. My mind was telling me that if I reach out, I'll touch it, but my eyes were telling me that it's several feet away and off to the side. I slowly reached for the door and was a bit shocked when my hoof unexpectedly touched the metal knob. I breathed a sigh of relief and pulled the door open and went inside. Getting to the bathroom was just as much of a challenge as getting to the house from the forest.

When I looked into a mirror to my surprise, my eyes were pointing off in opposite directions. I was curious as to what ponies would think of my new look. I went outside and ran into Roseluck; she looked at me with an expression of pure disgust. It worked. From that moment I just lingered in the background and avoided calling any attention to myself.

For years I had never spoken a single word. There was no need to use my voice if all I would do is talk to myself. Things were going pretty well. It wasn't until a resident of Ponyville asked me to help put up some decorations on the town hall. She didn't ask to be my friend, so I saw no reason to say no to her and I figured things wouldn't be that bad. However, while she was putting up a banner, I made the biggest mistake of my entire life. I spoke.

I hadn't used my voice in so long that my speech sounded unnatural. Ponies were offended by everything about me. My eyes made me look like a freak and my voice didn't help either. They said I was being insensitive. Insensitive to who? I guess it doesn't really matter now because everypony knew who I was. My existence was spread from pony to pony in the blink of an eye. I could no longer just blend into the background and be unnoticed. Everypony was angry at me and always yelled at me. All I wanted was to be unnoticed, not hated. I couldn't handle the constant torment any longer so I left. I flew away to deep in the Everfree Forest and hid there for a couple years.

I couldn't watch the sunrise and sunset from the forest. I could have flown up above the trees to see it, but I didn't want to risk being seen. All I could do was just lay in the shadows and wait until I was forgotten. I was half expecting the towns ponies to go on a witch hunt or something. I was alone, nopony followed me. Not even the animals would approach me. Some ponies would say my life is tragic, being cursed to walk the earth deathlessly. I agree. It is tragic, it's a horrible fate that I wish I could exchange with someone else. As horrible as it is to wish this upon someone, I've lived too long and I've grown tired of thinking about the well being of others.

From my spot under the trees, I can see that the clouds off in the distance were arranged in a checkerboard pattern. My curiosity got the better of me and I wondered if ponies have forgotten about me yet. I stood up, cracked my neck, and headed back towards the town.