Things That Crawl All the Time

by Ghostly Glow

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Thunderlane, Romance, Original Character
Length: 1032

An arachnophobe tries to court a spider-lover. Things go wrong.

Pawprint has waited for a long time to tell Arachnia how he feels about her. He's fairly sure he at least has a chance with her, but there's just one problem:
Arachnia likes spiders. A lot.

Published 2013-10-09 23:40:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-10-09 23:40:03 UTC

Chelicera

Chelicera

Alright, Paw-print. Just like we practiced. Sell her the dog food, introduce yourself, hope things snowball smoothly. You can do this.

The light brown earth pony swallowed nervously. He'd been watching the pretty maroon pegasus for quite some time now. She was something of a regular, always popping in, asking for a can of wet dog food, and then popping out. Sometimes she'd stop to scratch at his bulldog's head, but most of the time she would appear and disappear in record time. But today would be different. Today, he was gonna do the one thing he had rarely done in his whole life: introduce himself to a mare.

He trotted in place, buzzing with nerves. Gremlin, his Prenchie, looked up at his master and grunted a question. Paw-print paused in his stamping to look down at the tiny tank-like dog. He offered him a weak smile. "It's fine, buddy. I'm gonna ace this. One good opening line and she'll be on me like syrup on pancakes."

Gremlin snorted and re-settled himself on his bed. Paw-print quickly looked down at the reflective granite counter and swatted at his thatch of mousy-blonde mane. Of course, it made no change. His mane was its own entity, one that never did what he wanted it to, instead settling for weaving and sticking up everywhere like a hay bale.

He tried to re-arrange it once more before giving up. Just as he looked back up, the gold bell at the door jangled. He held his breath.

In she glided, hooves never touching the ground for a second. She considered the cans for a second, scooped one up, and plunked it on the counter. "How much?" she asked in her heavy Trottingham accent.

"Fi-five bits." he stammered. She opened the coin-purse that was secured around her neck and retrieved the requested amount. Now what? Do I ask her name or complement her? How does Thunderlane do this?

He swallowed thickly and cleared his throat. She glanced up expectantly. "Allergies?" he offered with a sheepish smile.

She smiled at him, and his mind stuttered to a halt. "You too?" she laughed.

"Uh...yeah! Yeah, they're the worst, right?"

She rolled her eyes. "Tell me about it. I don't get a plugged nose, but the sinus headaches are killer." She slid the bits over to him. His tail dipped between his legs slightly in distress. She was trying to leave, he was sure of it. Who could blame her? Allergies? Really? How stupid of an opener was that?

He looked down at the floor, trying not to let her see his discomfort. She frowned and moved a bit closer, eyes showing mild concern. "You alright?" she asked.

"Oh yeah, I'm fine!" he yelped. "Just fine! Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because you look like you just wet yourself." she stated flatly.

He thanked every princess available that his fur was too thick for her to see his face turn scarlet. "I didn't! Honest, I didn't! I-I just...I just...." His mind scrambled for an excuse, but currently, there was none. She stared at him with an expert poker face.

Then she fell down laughing.

"Oh sweet Celestia, you shoulda seen your face!" She crowed. "It looked like you were caught in the little filly's room!"

He said nothing, opting instead to slide out of sight, ears burning and pinned against his head.

Her laughter had died down, and the only sound available was Gremlin's growly snoring. He slowly looked up, sure that nopony was there. He let out a startled squeak when he found himself looking directly into a set of forest-green eyes. The pegasus was standing over him, looking quite ashamed. She looked down and started kicking the ground with her hoof. "I-I'm sorry... I didn't mean to upset you." she mumbled. "I just was in a bad mood today...my friend hasn't been himself lately, and I'm kinda worried about him. I just had to take it out on something, and I chose you. Sorry." She reached into her pouch and pulled out a silver strip, offering it to him. "Gum to make it up?" she asked hopefully.

He gave her a small smile and took the bribe. "It's cool. I'm just a wimp. I'm sure everypony else would be better about this." He placed the gum on the counter and stood up, brushing off his coat, more than happy to move on and pretend that didn't happen. "So...paper or plastic?"

****

A month went by, and the pegasus continued to visit Paw-print's shop. Thankfully, further encounters were nowhere as awkward as the first. Arachnia proved to be a rather nice mare, even if her humor was a bit odd. He learned that she had moved out to Ponyville so she could be closer to the Everfree. In turn, he had revealed to her that he was a dog trainer-just in case she couldn't tell that by the fact that his cutie mark was a tennis ball and a leash- and he was a native of Vanhoover who moved down south four years ago. Everything seemed to be going well, save for one small thing-Arachnia's cutie mark. It was a spider. He wanted to ask about it, but decided against it. Maybe she just really liked Nightmare Night or she was super-good at Spider Toss.That was probably it. Of course it was.

Reality seemed to be kind for that month, but then again, reality is a nasty old broad. One who likes to bash you over the head with a problem when you least expected it.

That problem was one that plagued Paw-print his whole life. His problem was everywhere and anywhere. It was a living problem, one that crawled about like a demented broken wind-up toy. It was the problem that had made him the laughingstock of his school since day one. That problem had eight legs and eight eyes.

That problem was spiders.

Author's Note

Prenchie is ponified term for Frenchie. As in French Bulldog. Just clearing that up.

So I decided to do something a bit different and enter a contest. I picked the OC-tober one being held by the Straight-Shipping Group. Here's hoping.