Bad Writing Idea: Questions Only

by slade8283

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Luna, Princess Cadance, Comedy, Random, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1169

There's been a certain...."spell" that's been running through Canterlot Castle recently. It makes anypony it comes in contact with speak in nothing but questions. So what is the result when Luna takes the batteries out of the remo

Adapted from the skit "Questions" from the show Whose Line is it Anyway?

Celestia is very upset with Luna when she notices that there are no batteries in the TV remote...yet again.

All dialogue in this fanfic is based in question format.

Published 2013-10-15 22:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-10-15 22:30:02 UTC

Main Story?

One Saturday, Celestia woke to a particularly rainy and stormy morning in Canterlot. She didn't know what time it was when she woke, because it was dark outside, but it felt like it was about 9 in the morning....and on Saturday that meant...the most sacred tradition of all time: cartoons.

Celestia sprung out of her bed and galloped as fast as she could through the dark Canterlot Castle, not even bothering to clean herself up. As if her very life depended on it, she burst through door after door, forcing her way towards the beautiful cartoons. Celestia took her cartoons very seriously.

After what felt like hours and hours of searching (though in reality was only about two minutes), Celestia arrived at the Royal Canterlot Castle TV room. She stared up at the beautiful three-hundred and six inch television that had been specially made for Luna and herself. It loomed over the massive Royal Canterlot Castle TV room, casting healthy glow over the various couches and theater seats that were spread over the room.

Celestia plopped down on her favorite couch closest to the huge television and picked up the TV remote with her magic, her anticipation building every moment.

With her excitement mounting, Celestia pressed the buttons for her favorite channel. 1...1....1...1.

And....nothing.

The princess what taken aback. What could possibly be trying to interfere with her Saturday morning cartoons? Nothing had ever come between her and the precious being that was Saturday morning entertainment.

She banged the remote on the couch in an attempt to make sure the batteries were working properly, but when she pressed a different button, she still found only disappointment. Not even the small light indicating that the remote was working was lit.

"Are the batteries dead?" she whispered to herself, thinking aloud.

Still using her impressive magic, Celestia removed the back of the remote, revealing where the batteries, or, rather, where the batteries should have been, since there was nothing in the compartment.

It was a truly shocking sight. Where the batteries normally sat in their beautiful home in the back of the remote, sat only a vacant hole, devoid of batteries. A vacant hole of despair from which no fun would ever be able to escape.

Celestia sat on the couch, her mouth agape. Never, in all her years of being a princess, had anypony ever dared to take the batteries from her remote. It was simply an unthinkable act, and Celestia thought, punishable by death.

And just then, suddenly, Celestia realized who would dare make such an evil and unthinkable move.

"WHERE ARE YOU, LUNA?!" Celestia bellowed, coming extremely close to using her Royal Canterlot Voice for the first time in many years.

There was a small popping noise Luna, Princess of Night was standing a few feet from where Celestia lay on the couch.

"Why do you ask, sister?" Luna asked after she let out a long yawn. "Do you realize how early it is?"

But Celestia ignored her sister's questions and continued with her accusations. "Why did you remove the batteries from the Royal Remote?!"

Luna suddenly looked much more awake than she had moments before. She blinked a few times, looking dumbfounded. "You think I would take the batteries from my favorite remote?"

"Well, who else would?" Celestia snapped.

"But sister, why would I take the batteries?"

"You don't know?"

"Should I?"

"Wouldn't a criminal know the crime they are committing?" Celestia asked smugly.

Luna was shocked. "You dare compare me to a common criminal just because you aren't able to watch your petty Saturday morning cartoons?"

Now Celestia was shocked, much more than Luna was. "Did you just call my Saturday morning cartoons petty?"

Luna was visibly becoming very angry, losing her temper and accidentally allowing bits of magic to start flowing from her horn, shooting sparks all over the room. "Can't you hear?"

Celestia jumped up from her spot on the couch, her own horn sending sparks everywhere too. "Don't you know that such words are punishable with up to twelve years in my private dungeon?

Luna's angry expression suddenly shifted to that of utmost terror. She knew that, while she was still a princess, Celestia was much more powerful than her, and could still easily control her. "But surely you wouldn't give such punishment to your own sister?"

Celestia took a moment to recompose herself and stopped sending sparks flying across the room. "Well," she said, still with a hint of danger in her voice, "where are the batteries?"

Luna let out a very heavy sigh and crossed the room to sit on the couch where Celestia had been siting. "Would you believe me if I said no?" she asked slowly.

Celestia took a deep breath, trying to calm herself from her sister's lies. "Why would I be able to believe that?"

Luna looked deep into Celestia's eyes, begging her merely with her desperate expression. "Sister, don't you love and trust me?" Her words were slow and full of hurt.

Celestia realized what she had done. She had come off as crazy and bitter, completely ignoring how her sister had been feeling in the situation. A sudden wave of regret came over Celestia and she sat down next to Luna and gave her a hug. "Luna, can you ever forgive me for the crazy accusations I've made today?"

Luna looked up at her big sister and let out a small smile of forgiveness. "Can the Wonderbolts fly?" she said.

The two sisters both laughed and hugged each other. It would have been an extremely wonderful moment of sisters bonding had it not been for two things: 1) Celestia was still missing her favorite entertainment in the entire universe, and 2) Princess Cadence randomly appearing while the sisters were hugging.

Cadence eyed the two other princesses quizzically, unsure of what to think. "Didn't I just hear a bunch of yelling about a TV remote coming from this room?" she asked, still unsure of what to think.

Celestia laughed and stood up from her spot on the couch. "But can't you see we've worked it out?"

"But Celestia," Cadence started, ignoring Celestia's question, "didn't you know that I took your batteries because mine were dead? Didn't you get the note Shining Armor was supposed to give you?"

"WHAT?!" Celestia and Luna both yelled simultaneously. They took a glance at each other, both with murderous glares in their eyes, and they both knew what needed to be done.

And so, within the hour, all as back to normal. Princess Celestia was happily watching her favorite Saturday morning cartoons on her three-hundred and six inch television, completely uninterrupted. Princess Luna was sound asleep in her room, as she liked to be every Saturday morning. And Princess Cadence...well, she was just beginning her twelve year sentence in Princess Celestia's personal dungeon for the theft of the Royal Remote Control Batteries.

The End

Author's Note

Seriously, I have no idea what I just wrote.