My FOE attempt

by Bronyhooves

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Luna, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Alternate Universe, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Original Character, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Sad, Main 6
Length: 2542

in the deep dark dark depths of stable 38, Whispy Wind is pushed to the limit. The wasteland, False Goddesses, and, ultimately the death of his sister push him to the brink of sanity in this short chapter of my FOE fanfic...

in the deep dark dark depths of stable 38, Whispy Wind is pushed to the limit. The wasteland, False Goddesses, and, ultimately the death of his sister push him to the brink of sanity in this short chapter of my FOE fanfic...
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This is a sample chapter of an FOE fanfic I'm writing. I'm not sure if I'll actually use it, but I might... and I need YOUR help! That's right! You! The one reading this description! I have most basic concepts done, and have figured out the timeframe in which this takes place (around the time of little pip... like every other fanfic). However, like I said, I'll need help (preferably from someone who is a better writer than me and has FOE experience). If you are any good with the programming language, Python, also contact me! You will be useful for a side project! Email--------------------------------->foestable38@gmail.com
adequate now?

Published 2013-10-10 05:20:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-10-10 05:20:03 UTC

Sample Chapter

Characters:
Whispy Wind-Protagonist, former resident of vault 27
Greenhorn-Protagonist's best friend, also a former resident of vault 27
The King-Antagonist, sadistic phycopath
Blue Breeze-Whispy Wind's sister
Bright Smiles-pro/antagonist, might/might not help Whispy Wind
Earthy Mane-Bright Smiles' sister
*need better names for BS(heuheuheu) and EM

"Stable 38. Quite the sight, wouldn't you say?" Greenhorn said admiringly. He scanned the clearing where a cave should have been, then the large iron door on the other end. He looked almost awestruck, and he probably was, considering this was the first time he had ever seen a stable other than his own. I had a feeling that once we got in, his feelings would drastically change. "So how big is it? How many floors does it have? 3? 4? More? You said there is a lot for me to tinker with. What is there? Is it-" he was cut off from a blast from the broad iron door ahead. It seemed to come from the centre of the door, arcing purple lightning bolts pushing a field of energy out in every direction, only to be stopped by limited capacity of the charge, I would assume. I pulled out Sea Raider and prepared to fire, only to find it floating towards the door along with the rest of mine and Greenhorn's weapons. Then, a voice blared out of a hidden intercom "GET THEM!" With that, the stable door slid open, seeming to move much faster than normal stable doors, and we were greeted by at least 50 fully armed raiders... and stable dwellers?

When I said Greenhorn's feelings would drastically change, I meant because these stable dwellers probably mastered everything he did and more. After they surrounded us, the raiders (or stable dwellers maybe) tied us up and forced us into the stable. They took us to the lower levels of the stable, where they threw us into a dark boiler room with two guards, an earth pony and a unicorn. Greenhorn tried to say something, but when he started to talk, one of the ponies escorting us bucked him in the side of the jaw, knocking him out. After that, we were alone in the room with the two guard ponies.

"So, what should we do with them?" the earth pony, an orange mare, asked. Despite being covered in grime and dry blood, the mare looked stunning. She had a long curly scarlet mane with an matching tail and yellow/orange starburst eyes. She reminded me of the sun. She wasn't as well armed as the ones who captured us, but she did wear security armour and had a holstered pistol, so she was formidable.

"I don't know. Well have to wait for the king to decide" the green, and much less attractive, unicorn mare answered. She was covered in the same thick blood and grime, but it seemed like she was doing everypony a favour by not washing up. She had a severely scarred face and flank, her mane was a mouldy yellow and quite messy, as was her tail, and she had a hunched back. "Besides, what will they do? They are tied up." She was busy with a book, so she didn't notice what the orange mare was about to do... or maybe she just didn't care.

"Well, while we wait, I'm sure he won't mind if we ruff them up a bit" the orange mare said as she pulled out a small knife from pocket in her armour. She looked to me and strode over quite slowly, the whole time grinning maliciously, ignoring the knife in her teeth. She stopped mere inches from my face, still grinning, and pushed the knife to the side of my mouth hard enough to draw blood. She somehow kept it on the surface, however, which confused me.

"You should smile more" she said nonchalantly "Smiling is better. I'm much more attracted to a stallion who smiles." She began to slowly run the blade up the side of my face. Even though the blade was only on the surface, it was incredibly painful. I did all I could to not react. After getting about half way up my cheek, she stopped and held the knife there for about a minute before backing away.

"How often do we see a Pegasus?" She asked.

"Not often" the green one answered, not looking up.

"I've always wanted Pegasus feathers. I never seem to find any Pegasus's though" she said as she circled around me to my back. "Now, there is one, just sitting here, and I haven't even taken advantage. Silly me!" She said innocently, like she was a filly who broke a vase. She sat down behind me and began to tug at the rope. "All this is in the way." The mare sighed "I suppose I'll have to settle with the tip feathers." She began to pick through my wings, which felt really good. I doubt she knew what she was doing. Finally, she plucked a feather, then continued to pick through my wings. It aroused me in a way I never felt before.

Trying to get my mind off the tingling in my wings and groin, I ask "so, how do you know each other?"

The green one finally looked up and gave me a look that suggested I just asked a stupid question. Sighing, she said "were twins."

Before I could get confused, the orange one added "fraternal."

Greenhorn finally came to, notifying us by adding"He he... you two sure don't look like twins. The green one is too ugly to be related to you!" He must've been woozy from the buck to the face. That didn't stop the green one from bucking him out again.

Another question came to mind. "What are your names anyway?"

The orange one answered first "Bright Smiles."

"Earthy Mane" said the green one.

"Alright! The king will deal with these prisoners now" said a small stallion, possibly a colt, who entered the room. "Looks like its time to go" said Bright Smiles, sounding a little angry. Why would she be mad at us leaving?

Me and Greenhorn were lead back up the way we came, only this time, we were taken to a large room that could have been a theatre, despite the lack of chairs. We were taken up to the place that the performers would stand and were told to sit. Then, they threw old potato sacks over our heads and tied them to our necks.

We sat for a good hour listening to the guards chat before I started hearing other noises, shuffling of hooves and somepony whimpering. I recognized that whimper from somewhere. I just knew that I heard it before. Then, there was more shuffling and talking, and it was getting louder. I realized that the room was filling with ponies. What for, I didn't know. After another half hour, the bag over my head was finally taken off revealing a crowd of ponies, most of which looked like the ones who caught me and Greenhorn.

"He he he! Well, lookie here! Seems we got a few trouble makers in our midst" said a hidden voice somewhere behind me "hope I didn't scare you or anything!" The voice seemed a little too cheerie, like he was happy that we were here. I tried looking for the source of the voice, shuffling my body as best as I could, but I was stopped by a guard... or more specifically, the butt of her gun... swinging into my jaw. "Stay where you are, you filthy fucker!" merciless, much?

I turned my head instead, hoping that that wouldn't provoke another attack. I looked to my left and saw Greenhorn, along with four more captives lined up beside him. Then I saw them. My sister and her zebra friend. What was she doing here!? She should have been at the stable!

"You have all been a big pain to me in your own little ways" the king started "so, as punishment, most of you will be enslaved. Not without a price, however." The king finally stepped into view, going to the front of the stage and facing the crowd. He was a pale yellow unicorn with a black mane and tail, both cut short. He wore a leather jacket and had a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire holstered on his back. He also had a eerily warm smile on his face. He used his magic to bring his baseball bat off his back and bring it in front of him. Then, turning to us, he said "please understand that I don't like doing this. I would much rather have you all working for me but unfortunately, you have all been little pains in my ass. So, I need to teach you not to fuck with me anymore." The whole time he talked, he had his warm smile plastered right onto his face. Turning back to the crowd, he roared "ARE YOU READY!?" The whole crowd yelled and cheered in approval. "Then let us begin"

He turned to us and began. "Eany," he pointed to me with his bat "meany," to the zebra "miney," to one of the other captives "mo" to my sister. "Catch a manticore by the toe. If he hollers let him go. Eany, meany, miney, mo."

"My mother said to pick the very best one and you" a captive "are" Greenhorn "it." My sister. "Bring her to the front of the stage!"

No. No. No.

"As I said, I am sorry for this. Especially for somepony like you. You would have made such a good wife."

That sick fuck swung his bat right down on top of her head. No hesitation, nothing. Just a swing. He was even smiling the whole time. It took what felt like forever for my sister's head to hit the ground. I was silent. He just killed my sister, and he didn't seem to care. This wasn’t happening. This was just a nightmare. Soon I’d wake up in my bed or in my usual chair and everything would be back to normal. The tears and soreness of my jaw reminded me otherwise.

A little spark of hope ignited in me when she moved her head to face me. A bloody crevice left behind by the bat lined the top of her head, and her right eye was bulging out of her head. Her horn had snapped, leaving only the base jammed into her skull. Despite all this, she just seemed to have a drowsy look on her face.

"Oh, you still alive down there? Well..." he raised his bat back up "we will just have to fix that." My heart shattered. He swung the bat back down onto my sister's head, the power of the blow squishing the rest of her eye out of her head. He brought his bat back up and swung again, breaking her jaw off. And again.

And again.

And again.

He kept beating her head until all that was left was a pile of red paste and bone.

I couldn't take it anymore. The flood gates holding in my rage finally broke. The wasteland, the stable's lies, raiders, the king. All of it overwhelmed me. It was like my forelegs were covered in paper. The ropes around my forehooves and wings snapped as I leaped at the king. I heard guns being fired off, but I didn't feel any bullets. I didn't feel my right flank get pelted, my forehead get skimmed, my stomach get blasted. The only thing I felt was rage and anger.

I was only slowed when my wing got shredded off, but even so, I charged at him, dragging my still bound and slightly lifeless hind legs behind me. I got within choking distance of the king before I was finally stopped. The bastard was still smiling.

"Well. You are a tough one, aren't you?" He said, holding up a hoof to make his guards stop firing. "What? Did you know her? Or are you just angry that I would do something like this?" I was trying to lunge, but my hind legs wouldn't move. It was like they weren't there. I snapped my head around to see a guard holding down my hind legs. Two more came around and pinned me down. I was flailing as best I could, but they were too strong.

"You should be happy it wasn't you, happy that this bitch-" I got free and wrapped my forelegs around the king’s neck. His guards cocked their guns, ready to fire again, but the king put his hoof up frantically. shame he wanted to die alone. I finally saw him frown just before I saw his hoof fly at my face. That dazed me a little, but I never took my forelegs off his neck. He tried again, this time using his magic to pull on my legs, but I never let go. He was getting angry too.

After a few minutes of struggling, his guards pulled me off of him. "Looks like we are gonna have another show" one of the guards whispered. The king must've heard them, and told him otherwise "No. This one can be broken. It may take a while," he turned to me, a determined looking smile on his face "but it can be done."

"Collar them and take them to their new quarters!" His guards began to pull me up. My hind legs felt like they had been set on fire and fed to radroaches. I screamed out in agony. My whole body was an inferno of pain all of a sudden. the king noticed this. "Oh" the king started "and get this one repaired as best you can."

His guards were trying to pull me, but I wouldn't allow it. Not without a final word. "I swear to the goddesses that I will kill you."Laughing a little, the king turned back to his crowed, muttering to me "I'm sure you will."

"And this is where you will work" the mare directing told me and one of the new slaves walking beside me. The mare was a slave too, her collar evidence of that, but she seemed to be like an overmare to the slaves, like she was their leader. She had a candy red coat and a white mane with stripes of her coat in it. Her cutie mark was of a candy cane standing like a flagpole on top of a pile of red candy. Pointing to me, she said "You will work as a miner and you" she said, directing her gaze to the slave standing beside me "will do labor work, carrying anything mined to the surface. " She was facing both of us now "you two are a team now. You will begin working tomorrow morning. For now, go to your quarters."

Author's Note

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1vIsbJYwo3qmkcj_b6yEJm-2yyQg0kn4ZTi9WS3KJcIg/edit?usp=sharing My original document. Please don't contact me by the email on that document, since it is my personal email. I know this chapter is a little bit... lacking, but trust me when I say, its easier to imagine something than it is for it to end up on paper (at least for me)