Happy chatter lazily bounced off the inner walls of the Canterlot palace as Princess Twilight and her fellow Elements of Harmony strode leisurely down the halls. She had been staying in her old room for a few days to study what was expected of a princess with the best of teachers, Celestia herself. Her friends had joined her as soon as their schedules permitted, and they now talked freely.
The current topic was none other than the alicorn of the sun herself.
"I tell you," started Rainbow Dash with barely contained excitement, "she became a princess by kicking so many butts new types had to be made up just to keep up!" She stressed her point with exaggerated fighting moves.
Rarity dodged effortlessly the blows vaguely directed toward her and laughed musically. "Princess Celestia certainly fights well, there's no doubt about that." Everyone nodded. "But it's painfully obvious the tipping point, what made her ascend, was grace. Pure, unadulterated grace!" She twirled elegantly to emphasize her words.
"Grace's nothing without hard work," replied Applejack as she munched thoughtfully on a hay stalk. "Though she is pretty... well, pretty."
"Though sometimes linked, grace and beauty are two very different beasts, darling."
Applejack just rolled her eyes as Fluttershy spoke softly. "She's nice, too. I'm sure the animals in the garden all love her very much." She pursed her lips in thought. "I don't think I know a pony who dislikes her."
"You need all of these to be a princess, silly!" said Pinkie Pie with a grin threatening to split her head in two. "But also be able to party the hardest!" She glanced at Twilight wrily. "She lessened the requisites on that last super fun quality since then though, or else you wouldn't have passed."
Twilight giggled. "It's just as you said, it's not one single virtue... though it doesn't hurt to wonder which was the most important. I certainly ponder the question from times to times, myself."
"I still tell you it's butt-kicking."
They laughed all the way to the throne room. It was empty save for Celestia on her throne and Luna by her side. The former stopped talking and turned her head toward them with a gentle smile as they leisurely walked to the throne. It increased ever so slightly when they bowed.
"You don't need to bow to me anymore, Twilight."
Twilight laughed sheepishly. "Old habits die hard."
Celestia nodded. "They truly do. What did you want to ask me?"
The elements glanced at each other, then all settled their gaze on Twilight, who looked up at her. "We just wanted to know something."
A thin, genuine smile stretched Celestia's lips. "Do ask, Twilight. I have nothing to hide from you or your friends."
"How did you become a princess?"
Celestia blinked, aware of her sister stifling a giggle beside her. She then stared at the six hopeful faces in front of her. "This boring old tale?" She tilted her head. "Why would you want to hear that? Your story was much more interesting."
Their reaction led Celestia to ponder whether she should outlaw puppy dog pouts. Luna was laughing openly by now.
"Fine, if you insist."
She rose from her throne regally, stretching to her full height. The elements stepped back in awe and anticipation. Celestia lifted her forehooves and clapped them together.
"Music!"
A melody swelled at her command and Celestia breathed in longly before opening her mouth again.
"My birthplace was a paltry town,
So dull not even flies dropped by.
I lived through when bandits swooped down,
Hiding in a reeking pigsty.
Covered in manure, stifling a cough,
Quietly, I dragged myself out.
I spread out my wings and took off,
Leaving behind me pain and doubt.
I'd barely flown half an hour
When fearsome war cries filled the air.
Before I could even cower,
My heart sunk into deep despair.
Furious rebels on one side,
Loyalists standing in their way,
They made contact in one swift glide,
And I was thrown into the fray.
I'm no heroine of the lands,
I didn't part open the sea.
Fate took my life in its own hands
And just kept on laughing at me."
Luna inhaled deeply before joining the song.
"Sole survivor and quivering,
She was brought where nobles are born
To a grateful pegasus king
Who had her dubbed an alicorn.
Not wanting to offend her lord,
With dignity she bowed her head.
But within her new magic roared
and by mistake she zapped him dead."
"I expected my felony
To end with me very much dead.
But I'd ended a tyranny
And was made ruler in his stead.
Everywhere beneath the blue sky,
All ponies hailed my radiancy.
A spark brewed in many an eye,
For tribe lords it was jealousy."
"She's no heroine of the lands,
Didn't make Harmony occur.
Fate took her life in its own hands
And just kept on laughing at her."
"Desperate to end this nightmare,
I summoned the great of the land
To beg beneath their stony stare
To take the role I couldn't stand.
With monarchs seated around me,
I started with the pigsty thing.
They listened and chortled mightily,
And suffocated to a king.
What heinous crime did I commit
For fate to take it out on me?"
"Godhood she didn't want one bit
And even less rule a country."
"I just wanted to laze about
And avoid all hysteria."
"But she won't know quiet, no doubt
Now that she rules Equestria!"
"Now that I rule Equestria!"
"Now that she rules Equestria!
She's no heroine of the lands,
Didn't make Harmony occur.
Fate took her life in its own hands
And just kept on laughing at her."
The tune died and Celestia cleared her throat before looking at Twilight. If one had dropped a needle, it would have doubtlessly sounded like a cricket chirping.
Such a glorious tale could only evoke one answer.
"What."
