Sweetie Belle Finds a Gun

by Theobservantpilgrim

Rating: teen
Tags: Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Sweetie Belle, Comedy
Length: 4547

Tis a boring day in Equestria until curious and mischievous lil' Sweetie comes across a glock and thinks it's a water gun. Look out Equestria!

It's another one of those very schpadoinkle days in Equestria, yet again. So naturally Sweetie Belle is bored, that is until she finds a gun and mistakes it for a simple child's toy. As such she embarks upon a guerrilla war with her new weapon upon the forces of modernity and predictability by shooting most everything in sight.

Published 2013-10-11 16:20:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-10-11 16:20:03 UTC

Chapter 1

Though the day was for the majority of intents and purposes perfect, with a gorgeous hue of azure not blighted by a single spot of cloud, there was a gorgeous shining sphere that hung in the sky which served as a testament to the magnificence of the majesty which brought such a beautiful gift, there was a significant issue that kept the day from appealing itself to even the most critical of ponies. It was nearing the autumn season, where the leaves on many of the trees began to brown in some places, the days seemed a tad longer, and it was getting about time for all the children to return to school. During this time between seasons, there was not much to do as everypony was busy, the adults with their work as per the usual and the children were preparing to go back to their studies. Such thoughts plagued the mind of little Sweetie Belle, as she simply lay on the ground gazing up at the cloudless sky, as though expecting to observe some form of anomaly like some stray cloud or alien menace, but unfortunately neither of which would appear to break the boredom of the young filly.

It seems as though she were the only one in Ponyville who would be committing an act of sloth, as her sister Rarity was busy with her work for the recent trending seasonal fashions and did not desire nor would greatly tolerate any attempt at help, her friend Applebloom was occupied helping her own sister on the farm as is the usual year round, and her other friend Scootaloo was attending to a serious emergency involving Rainbow Dash who was injured during a flight exercise. She could prepare herself better for the upcoming school year, though that act was more or less out of the question as she had all the physical necessities and studying more would be exhausting and boring, a terrifying combination. Tis a shame yet it seems this scene plays itself out every year, fitting in with the predictability of life in the autumn months, and what Sweetie Belle wouldn't give for something, anything to happen and make the day interesting.

Perhaps there was a higher power who was studying Sweetie Belle as a casual observer or maybe some actor on the part of the chaotic forces in nature decided to conspire a plan for laughs or with malicious intent, whatever the case may be it seems Sweetie’s desire for an exciting day would be met. From behind a nearby bush, there was the sound of something heavy falling to the ground smashing grass and embedding itself in the dirt, as though some pony had stomped behind her but only once. This, naturally, startled the filly and shocked her to all fours though it did pique her curiosity, and after a moment she began to approach. What she saw resembled a water pistol of sorts, though it was slick black and polished to a near mirror shine, with a distinctive grip of a diamond studded pattern. She used her magic to lift the object and examined it, and was surprised by heft of the item as it weighed a lot more than any sort of squirt gun that she ever felt, though she dismissed this thought and assumed it was simply full.

Sweetie brushed off the dirt and decided to point the black toy at some nearby bushes and pull the trigger, simply to see if it would work. What followed was an instantaneous retort, a brief sound of metal clanging against metal before it was drowned out by a loud “Bang!” A piece of brass tube fell from some section of her weapon and from the bushes arose a mist of scarlet droplets. She dropped the object in that moment and hopped back, frightened.

“EeK!” she exclaimed “Jeez that’s loud!” she said afterwards, before gaining an imaginative look upon her face and then following her previous remark with “That was kinda cool.” And then she picked the gun back up. “This must be some kinda new water gun, only it shoots red and is super loud. Well I suppose since summer isn’t totally over a few ponies wouldn't mind to have a water gun fight.”

So she embarked upon her quest, keeping to the shadows though to preserve the element of surprise. She did not once turn her head to investigate the bushes, where the lower remnants of a field mouse remained, though hardly recognizable as any sort of creature as what was left was a leg and a tail.

Chapter 2: Victim: Lyra Heartstrings

Sweetie Belle held her form close to the shade, allowing what foliage remained to cloak her activities. Who would be the first target of her youthful mischief? Scootaloo was way out of consideration as she was busy indoors, which was no place for a battle of liquids, and Applebloom’s sister probably wouldn’t be too appreciative of the chance that the orchard may get a bit over-watered. So, she decided to target some unassuming pony who would likely enjoy her endeavors.

Two ponies, one of which being a unicorn, were sitting on a bench on the opposite side of the road. The unicorn was rather peculiar as unlike her neighbor on the seat who was sitting on all fours, she had her back resting against the rear and her legs hanging down. They appeared to be deeply involved within their conversation.

“Bon Bon” Began the unicorn “I have something very important to tell you.”

The pony on the other part of the bench with purple hair containing a pink highlight perked her ears up and looked into the eyes with emotional intent. “Yes Lyra?”

“I’ve been keeping this a secret for so long, and I don’t think that I’d like to hide it, especially from you.”

Bon Bon leaned in close, the anticipation causing her body to quiver. Could this be the time? Could this finally be the moment where Lyra confesses her deepest longings?

“You see” Said Lyra, unaware that from across the dirt road lurked an untrained assassin whom was training her sights on the pegasus, aiming at the upper leg joint so as to adjust for drop off so that there would be a splash at her feet. “Bon Bon, I-” And her speech was abruptly cut off.

The sound was like that of thunder, the scream of destruction panged the ears of all who were near and when everypony had regained their senses there was Lyra, writhing upon the ground holding her thigh trying desperately to stop the flow of blood. Bon Bon soon appeared by her side and cradled Lyra’s head in her hooves.

“Lyra, speak to me!”

She coughed, the unicorn’s strength sapping slowly making the effort to apply pressure seem mountainous. “Bon Bon, I” She tried to mutter “I . . .”

“Yes, yes?” Bon Bon asked, tears forming in her eyes as she was coming upon the brink of hysterics.

“Bon Bon I” She finally got rid of the formality and just said what she needed to say. “It was I that stole your sandwich, not that squirrel!” And with this final revelation, she went limp in her friend’s arms.

“Lyra? Lyra!” She exclaimed, shaking the body of the pony she cherished most. “No!”

After the shaking was over Lyra opened her eyes and shook her head. “Ouch, you didn’t have to yell.”

“Lyra! You’re okay!” Bon Bon was elated and held Lyra close and uncomfortably tight.

“Yeah.” She said as she removed her hoof, showing the line of red that stretched across her thigh. It was minute and could easily be covered by a bandage, in a manner of speaking it was hardly worth mentioning. “Huh, guess it was just a scratch.” And with this she returned to her position on the bench. Bon Bon soon joined her and the day was without further incident as their assailant had quickly fled the premises.

Chapter 3: Victim: Fluttershy

Sweetie Belle had left the festivities behind, for the shouts and screams were far more than she could bear and so she had decided that her plan may be better suited in a more concise encounter. As such, she headed into the forest to a quaint cottage along the outskirts of town to visit a pegasus who was a dear friend of her sister, Fluttershy. Once she arrived she inspected the windows and could see no sign that Fluttershy was inside her residence, although she did hear the faint sounds of Fluttershy’s low voice in the distance and thus eagerly pursued. What she happened upon was a familiar scene of Fluttershy attending to an animal, a sickly looking bird of distinctive red plumage.

“Oh my” said the worried pegasus. “It seems you may have sprained an ankle Mister Drake. Well don’t worry, we’ll have you fixed up in no time!” And so she relaxed the injured avian upon branch little higher than a meter off the ground and Fluttershy began to rummage on the ground for scraps that may be used to affix a splint. She raised her head back up with a couple of toothpick sized twigs and some long blades of grass and set them near the unfortunate creature. “Alrighty, now after this is on you should try and stay off that leg for a while, okay?” And with an astoundingly accomplished sense of acknowledgement, the bird nodded and Fluttershy closed her eyes and took a deep breath, steeling herself for the work ahead.

As the opportunity presented itself, Sweetie took careful aim at Fluttershy’s head to give her a cold shower, a simple prank but one which is a classic. And so the little joker fired the pistol. There was an explosion of red viscera and pink organ near the branch, though remarkably the wooden appendage seemed unscathed by either the blood or the round blasted, although the sound did startle the creature who survived, causing it to jump and fall upon the soil.

“What happened?” Fluttershy said, face smeared with gore and a cheek speckled with the intestine of the now obliterated robin. However, she took no notice of her appearance as she arose and looked around frantically for where the noise came from but to no avail. “I wonder what that sound was. Well anyways, I’m sorry Mister Drake.” Her sentence would have continued but when her gaze returned she could find no sign of the wounded bird.

“Mister Drake?” She called out. She searched for him up in the the higher branches of the trees and along the more obscured areas of the ground near roots and bushes but could find no sign of him. “I suppose he must have been scared off. I do hope he remembers to rest.” And with this final remark she continued upon her day as usual.

Author's Note

At least no crowbars, explosions, or resurrections were involved.

Chapter 4: Victim: Derpy Hooves

Sweetie Belle continued to wage her guerilla war upon the various citizens of Ponyville, sowing the seeds of joy and perpetuating the summer festivities with her trusted weapon of choice. By the time she was done this quaint town would be soaked to the point of no drying, and not even the greatest of space faring towels would be able to save them. And in the midst of their joviality and festivities from an impromptu above ground pool party they would look up and shout “join us” and she knew that she would look down and whisper “No.” But that would have to wait, as she came upon her next target.

The infamous mailmare of Ponyville, Derpy Hooves, was attending to her route which was going just as planned. This, of course, made the day extraordinary as usually the mail of the various citizens ended up in particularly uncomfortable places which inadvertently made ladders the most popular tool in town. All the mail that she was tasked with would be delivered directly into their designated mailboxes and any packages would arrive on time. All she had now was just one last letter and she would be done.

It was with serious consideration that Sweetie Belle had decided to go ahead with firing at Derpy in the midst of her work. If she fired now, she would have happily made the mailmare’s day much more enjoyable by negating the warmness with a cool spray from her now trusted squirt shooter. And without more hesitation, Sweetie Belle took aim and prepared herself.

Derpy opened the mailbox and was about to slide in the letter, but as the edge of the envelope neared the breach of its destination, a loud noise range out that caused the courier to drop the letter. She was sent flying, briefly, before she returned to the ground.

Derpy searched around but could find nothing to show what could have caused the disturbance. It was such a fine day so a random thunderclap was clearly not the culprit. Regardless, she refused to pay any more mind to it and decided to return to her job, as she wouldn’t let any mean scary lightning keep her from having a perfect day. But when she looked on the ground and was immediately dismayed. What was left of the letter was a bunch of pieces of parchment and a postage stamp of Celestia with the hind section completely blown off. This was particularly bad because while the packages and letters she delivered may end up in an errant bush or a suddenly appearing chimney, they at least arrived intact.

Poor Derpy Hooves stuffed the remaining pieces of the letter into the mailbox and then went onwards with her head held low. It was clear that once the client noticed the destroyed remnants of their mail and complained she would receive a stern lecture from the boss and possibly a demerit, if she was lucky. And she had no source of reason to excuse her from the punishment, as she could not find what had frightened her and more than likely caused her to decimate the letter and render it unrecognizable.

Chapter 5: Victim: Diamond Tiara

By now a rumor was circulating among Ponyville that there was a thunderstorm coming, which made little sense and often confused the denizens of the oddly eventful little town as there were no storm clouds upon the horizon and those who had knowledge of the weather monitoring activities up in Cloudsdale knew of no such thing. However, considering that the town has been attacked by swarms of nefarious creatures including parasprites, dragons, and even threatened with eternal darkness it was met with less interest and the ponies quickly adapting. Meanwhile Sweetie Belle was searching fervently about the town for any sign of one of her more dreaded foes, the oh so “high and mighty” Diamond Tiara.

It was not long before Sweetie Belle happened upon the notorious bully, who was of course in the middle of harassing some poor youngster who was managing a lemonade stand. Sweetie Belle took careful aim, ensuring that her shot would ruin that precious mane of Diamond Tiara’s, but as she was bracing herself she could not help but listen.

“I don’t care if you were here first, we’re here now so move out of the way!” she could hear Diamond Tiara saying.

“But I have the proper documentation to be operating out of these premises.” Said the colt in reply.

“Well I suppose you’ll need to check your records, because this is now a hostile takeover. Now move over!” She said, shoving the ramshackle stand causing the colt to fall backwards and scattering what little profit the colt had gained from this prospective business venture.

It was now or never, it was finally time to put a stop to Diamond Tiara’s tyranny. Finally shall the torment of the various schoolchildren be ended and perhaps the school year shall be enjoyable as it typically was not. She had finally managed to carefully aim the sights, whatever they may have been on the foreign weapon that she had. Then finally, she pulled the trigger.

The bullet crossed from the ambush spot to where Diamond Tiara’s face should have been, although it was strangely enough absent. Diamond Tiara’s face, as well as the extremities that includes the face such as the ears, eyes, and general cranium were placed more close to the ground, picking up the coins that had fallen. Had the bullet been a smart round it would have attempted to stop and look around for where the hay it’s target should have been and then gone home and drank itself into a stupor after realizing that it is a failure at it’s job. Luckily depression would be averted as the bullet was remarkably stupid and lacked any sort of sentience and so it travelled carelessly forward.

Sweetie Belle aborted her mission and declared it the one failure on her record that she would never forgive herself for. And at that point in time while she was fleeing she made a solemn pact that she would one day attempt to complete her objective. But for now, she would away to her next victim.

Chapter 6: Victim: Twilight Sparkle

One must wonder what does a bullet do when it misses? Well usually they naturally embed themselves within whatever objects are nearby, this is of course not counting bullets that are fired into the air. Those bullets which transcend upwards into the atmosphere are caught by the ghost of Kay Zoo of the Fourth Rock who captures the rounds and stocks them for his nefarious and inevitable invasion of the mortal plain to force the realm of Earth into an eternity of serenity by deathlessness. However, the bullet in question that had missed its target of Diamond Tiara is not one that had been fired into the air but rather had traveled to a tree house inhabited by a purple alicorn princess who was now checking her mail.

“Let’s see.” Twilight Sparkle said, examining a note that came with a scroll. “Oh, looks like a note from Princess Celestia!” Immediately she began to examine the note more closely. "Dear Twilight, my faithful student. I have recently come across a scroll that was bundled up and used to even out one of the tea tables in the castle and it seems to be a cure for one of the more debilitating illnesses of Equestria. I am currently deeply involved in royal matters and as such I entrust that you may be able to study the spell and properly ascertain whether the original author was correct in his intentions. Given the importance of this spell to the ponies of Equestria, I would not risk it being sent through Spike and instead chose to use the ordinary method of using the Equestrian courier service. Sincerely, Princess Celestia."

“Oh wow, a cure! Maybe its for cancer or possibly the common cold.” Her voice became more high pitched and it was quite evident that she was excited to finally remove a plague from Equestria once and for all. But just as she was about to unfurl the scroll, something faster than a speeding locomotive whizzed by and embedded itself into the tree which doubled as Twilight’s home, passing right through the scroll and tearing it asunder leaving little but scraps and pieces of paper which flew off in the wind.

Needless to say the alicorn was stunned, wings erect and face frozen into a statement of shock. It was not until a lone hair came out of place and dangled before her eye that she finally snapped back to reality and shook it off. “Oh” She said, still trying to collect her thoughts of what had just transpired. “Well, I’m sure there’s a lesson in this somewhere.” And with that she retired back into her dwelling, and she remained there for the rest of the day, sitting on the floor in silence, unthinking and staring into absolute nothingness.

Chapter 7: Victim: Rainbow Dash

Sweetie skulked her way to the hospital, keeping as silent as possible for being a member of the Rainbow Dash fan club she knew well of the famous pegasus’ hearing capabilities. She was unsure of just how many shots left she had, though she knew somehow that she definitely had enough. She peered through some bushes and prepared herself, as she knew Rainbow Dash would have made a swift recovery as she always does and would leave any time now.

This assumption was luckily correct as the blue coated pegasus was in the midst of leaving the hospital, accompanied by one of the doctors. It was almost shameful to see her in this state, as it was very clear she was still injured. This was made very clear by the unfashionable bandage wrapped around one of her wings. Although this only made her more of a victim as who else deserved a bit of fun on such a hot late summer day? Unfortunately, the doctor was blocking the line of sight and so she would have to wait until he got out of the way, and in her patience she couldn’t help but hear them commune amongst themselves.

“Come on Doc, there’s no reason I can’t just fly back home. I mean, it didn’t take this long to heal last time!”
The exasperated doctor restrained himself from an outburst from this repeat patient, who only served to keep him occupied most of the time. “Look, I’d just like to make sure that everything is all right. The last thing I need is you coming back again because you haven’t learned to stop engaging in such reckless activities.”

“Puh-lease.” Rainbow Dash said in an almost sarcastic tone. “Reckless? I know exactly what I’m doing.”

“You nearly took out two trees and entered bear territory. It’s amazing a fractured wing is all you have. Please, if you’re going to leave then at least stay close so that you can come back for a check up. And for your own sake, do not do any activities with that wing, who knows what can happen if you apply any pressure to it.”

“Fine, sure, whatever.”

“I am trying to be very lenient miss, you just have one thing to do and that’s not use this wing. Otherwise it might snap in half or something.”

The threat of a completely bisected wing seemed to really serve as a wake up call for Rainbow Dash, and so with this she snapped her attention to the doctor and with complete honesty she agreed. “Alright Doc, I won’t use this wing for anything.”

This appeared to satisfy the doctor who returned to inside the hospital, although if one listened closely it was quite clear he was gritting his teeth as though expecting that in five seconds he would have to get the mail-ladder to the roof and pick up the wounded pony and her wing.

While nothing that bad would happen, he was at least right because the second he turned his back there was a loud noise unlike any other and he immediately left the building and saw his patient on the ground with a hole in the bandage which bled profusely. At first he simply held his hoof to his forehead before setting and back down. Unfortunately not even this had allowed him to regain his composure in the slightest. His face went red and he decided it was time for drastic action.

“You had one job!” He yelled. “One job! All you had to do was just relax! That’s it, intense supervision for you!” And so he dragged Rainbow Dash back into the hospital by her tail who went with him reluctantly, protesting that it was not her fault.

Author's Note

That bandage was marvelously unfashionable. I guess Dashie wasn't dressing in style that day.

Chapter 8: Victim: Sweetie Belle

She could hear the wails and cries of the citizens of Ponyville and enjoyed the moment, savoring the experience safe in the knowledge that she had compelled the days of summer fun to persist in its latter moments. This brief moment of clarity and solemn appreciation did not last, as it did not take long for Sweetie to remember that she still had work to do.
It was still noon, and the sun still hung directly over wards, bearing down upon this humble town, and it did not take long for the manageable heat to fatigue the juvenile unicorn. She wiped her brow with a hoof and looked up briefly before returning her gaze to the ground, shaking away the spots which damaged her vision. Like her sister, she too had been generous to others and yet she did not ask for help, she did not need it.

She looked at the black, oddly shaped piece of metal that levitated before her. She could admire such a tool, and all the possibility that was brought along with it, for in just a few hours she had done so much with so little effort. It still felt weighted, though lighter than when she first hefted it, there was hopefully one last shot left. One last shot, that was all she needed. One last shot, a single blast from this would take away all the discomfort of the warm glow of the radiant orb in the sky. And so with that she pointed the gun at her own head, squarely above the cranium. She closed her eyes, and pulled the trigger.

All that could be perceived was an utter blackness by which light could not enter. And despite the fears that should come with viewing into a void such as this, Sweetie Belle was not frightened but rather dissapointed. When she pulled the trigger there was no reply, all that was heard was a distinctive “click” and not even a single minute droplet would have staved off the discomfort from the summer day. Needless to say, that sucked.

But before she could run over to the well or other source of water, a speeding white pony came racing up to Sweetie.

“Sweetie Belle, come home this instant! And put that down, you don’t know where that has been!” Rarity, Sweetie’s older sister, retained her usual elegance even in the act of chastising.

“Aww, can’t I stay out just a little longer?” Sweetie begged.

“No you may not! Have you not heard? They say that there is a storm brewing and nobody is able to spot it. And I, for one, will not stand by and allow my sister to have her mane absolutely devastated by a force of nature! Now come along. And for goodness sake, put that toy down.”

“Oh fine.” Said Sweetie, who dropped the weapon upon the Equestrian soil. And with that the two unicorns returned home, retreating from a boring day outside to a boring afternoon indoors. And though the threat of a storm loomed, at least as far as most of the ponies were concerned, not another crack of lightning was heard. As for the pistol, it returned to the ether from whence it came, and the status quo soon returned to Equestria.