Seeing Yellow

My older brother was taking our family's death hard. He was having massive moments of depression. When I was out one day for a therapy session, my cell phone rang. It was one of my brothers friends he lived with at the flat. He said that my brother had shot himself. Tears sprung to my eyes. I faintly heard him say something about my house before I hung up. I ran out of the therapy session and headed back home. When I got there, there were heaps of people. Friends of mine and my brother were there along with a few people I didn't know. They swarmed me as I walked up the driveway. They all offered their condolences, firing them out like a madman with an automatic machine gun. I just pushed past them. I didn't want to talk to anyone or anybody. I opened my front door and turned to the swarm of people massing in front of it. The babble of talk died almost immediately while I stood there. Everyone looked at me. I didn't know what I felt at that moment. Hell, I didn't feel sad at all. I spoke one word. "Leave." Then I slammed my front door. The noise must of peaked the attention of Fluttershy. She trotted down the hallway, looking at me with concern, her ears perked up. She knew something was wrong with me.

"What happened?" her caring, soft voice rang out. Soft thumps on the floor signified her approach. She was right in front of me now, looking at me with those large beautiful eyes. What happened next is the most terrible thing I will ever do. Ever. I could never forgive myself. Ever.

I shouted at her. Terrible, terrible things. All of my built up feelings were finally released, and I hurled it all at Fluttershy. She cowered against the wall and I will never forget her face at that moment. I continued to yell. She didn't deserve it. None of it was about her. It was all driven by the bad things in my life that had happened over the past few months. My family were now all gone. I was the only one left, and having to repress feelings about those incidents had driven me a little crazy. It was kind of soothing, letting out all my feelings, but I should of shouted at the wall or anything else. Not at the kind mare who had come to see what was wrong with me. God, I feel terrible. That moment will forever plague me.

When I had stopped, Fluttershy was against the corner of my living room, cowering before me. Her eyes were filling with tears and she looked at me like I was some kind of monster. My brain finally let me realise what I had done. I tried to apologize but before I could even make out what I was going to say, Fluttershy flew away, out a window, into the sky. I heard her start crying as she left. I ran to the window, but she was already gone.

I yelled in frustration and slammed my fist into the coffee table. The wood cracked. With my other hand I flipped my coffee table and it landed with a muffled crash. I sat down on my chair and held my head in my hands. My family... my brother... now my favourite pony and loyal friend. All gone. I couldn't take the amount of loss. I started crying. I took out the picture of me and her on that hill, by that tree. Only Fluttershy and I could see the true nature of this photo.

I held the picture to my heart, staring up at the ceiling. Ghostly images floated around me. Not of my deceased family, but of the very alive mare that had just left. The images were of all the happy times we had spent together. My eyes started to burn from the abundance of tears. I knew I couldn't bridge this gap in our friendship. I had caused her to cry. That, in brony terms, was the same as murdering someone in real life. Unforgivable, the term used for both offences. I knew our friendship was over. It was as dead as my family is now.

It has been ten days. Ten long days.

My mental health is deteriorating. After what has happened, how could it not? After Fluttershy left, I haven't been able to eat or drink properly. I keep seeing her, and this time I know it was just a mental picture. It didn't look real. It wasn't real. It wasn't her. I called into work and the university, and they allowed me a few weeks off, due to my brother's death. However, it wasn't because of my brother's death that I needed time off. I needed time off because of Fluttershy leaving. I couldn't believe what I had done to her. Every time I woke up, I walked to her room and poked my head in, hoping to see her back, only to see it blank and bare as the last time I looked. To make matters worse, people were calling, texting, and e-mailing me constantly. I hated the constant ring of the telephone and the beep of my cell, so I turned them both off. I simply ignored my e-mail.

For the past few days I have been looking for the pegasus, but she had gone. Forever. Even, by some miracle I found her, she would just fly away. I have been sitting in her room for hours at a time, just remembering everything that had happened. I usually just ended up crying again.

At least two good things came out of all of this. One, my friend met one of my 'friend-who-is-a-girl-but-not-my-girlfriend-friend s' when they were massing outside my house on the day of my brother's death, and they hit it off. I got a call from him before I disconnected everything. He was happy, she was happy. I wasn't, but I felt happy for them. They would soon spend the rest of their life together as 2 and a half years later, he would propose to her. And she would say yes.

The other thing? It could be called good or bad. I found an ancient spellbook while randomly looking through books in the library. I still have no idea how it wasn't found before by someone else, but I didn't spend pointless time wondering about that. I couldn't wait to read it; see what I could perform. That is... if it was real of course.

It's real all right. The textbook. I tried one of the spells. A teleportation spell. All I had to do was place my hand against the object and speak some weird language. As soon as I started, my hand started to glow. Once I had finished, the apple I was practising on disappeared with pop, reappearing behind me just like I wanted. I felt drained afterwards. Too much energy was used. I made a mental note to practise this ability and improve my energy use. I also made a mental note to search through this book, to find out more stuff.

Another 3 days have passed. The book had a couple things I was interested in. But no spell could perform what I truly wanted. Having Fluttershy, back in front of me. Two spells in particular had utmost importance to me however. One, the ability to communicate with animals and be seen by them if you were invisible. Two, send anyone or anything supernatural back to where they came from. The latter spell was very specific about the time you should do it. Only once every 20 years. On a Friday the 13th. 13 minutes from midnight. Luckily, the spell book automatically records the last time the spell was cast. It was cast on February 13, 1998. The closest time I could cast the spell was April 13, 2018. It was just over a year away. I couldn't keep Fluttershy here, not in this world but I didn't want our life together to end so quickly. I chose a different date... July 13 2018. Yes... that day. It would give me a few more months with her. I just hope I would find her soon. I needed to apologize to her. I needed to see her again. Plus, I needed to send her back to her own world. She was technically supernatural, so the spell should work. Though it pained me, I knew it was right. Our worlds are just not meant to merge. Look what happened to us...

Its been 2 more days. I've given up trying to find her. She's gone, I told myself. And you have no one to blame but yourself. I started putting myself down pretty harshly. But I deserved it all. After a while, I decided to take a walk. To that tree on that hill. I opened my front door, slammed it, and locked it, shoving the key in my pocket as I started walking. People waved to me as I passed. I didn't wave back. I was too lost in my thoughts.

It took a while to reach the tree, but finally I sat down with my back on the tree, looking out at the same beautiful scenery. But something was missing. It wasn't as beautiful as I remembered. I looked down to my left at the patch of grass, usually occupied by Fluttershy. I brushed my hand across it, remembering things from the past. Tears sprung up once more in my eyes, and for once I didn't try to hide them. I let them fall. And they fell, disappearing into the grass and the dirt.

Crack.