The Allegory of the Curious Anthro
"Oh mirror mirror on the wall, who is the most beautiful princess of them all? Is it the pink skinned beauty that can capture your heart with a snap of her fingers? Is it the mysterious enchantress that basks in the moonlight?"
Of course the mirror couldn't answer that question, but the egotistical mare that looked over her lithe form with a keen had already formulated an answer. Something that the mirror, if the mirror did actually have a conscience of its own, would have heard about a thousand times already.
"Hell no! Those bitches a'int got nothing on this!" The alabaster skinned figure squealed with glee, as she ran a small, blue comb through her messy, prismatic hair without a hint of humility.
Princess Celestia was beautiful. So disgustingly beautiful in fact that claims of artificial enhancements had been tossed around with a gusto by the disgruntles women that had to deal with their brainwashed husbands and their endless stacks of playpony magazines which, of course, always had the sun goddess plastered on the front. Wars all over Equestria had been halted by a single hair flip and entire armies had been decimated due to excessive masturbation caused by laying eyes on her perfect form.
There was no work to do, Chrysalis and Discord had both been entombed in a prison of marble and stone, the Elements of Harmony had all gotten over their closeted homosexuality and Shining Armor had finally agreed to a sex change operation to achieve maximum sexy.
All was well in the world. Except for the angry mob of women that had gathered outside of the Royal Chamber of the Sun, which included one hundred angry civilians and the three princesses, all of whom had been shamed by the Sun Goddess at one time or another.
"Princess! Get your ass out here right now!"
After a few minutes of silence passed, a massive, white door was slowly pulled open by the smug princess.
"Yessssss?" She asked in a sing-song voice, clearly unfazed by the angry mob that was eager to rip her head off of her pretty little body.
Gasps, shrieks and even a few whimpers and moans filled the massive hallway, as the angry mob got a perfect view of the princess in all of her glory.
"Princess, get back in your room and put some clothes on this instant!" Cadence hissed, her blushing face hidden by a pink hand. "What the hell is wrong with you?"
"Well excuse me! Everyone here damn well knows that I go on my morning walks in the nude!" The bare princess replied, not even bothering to make the slightest attempt at covering herself.
"None of that matters!" Twilight shrieked, her surprisingly powerful voice silencing the chatter that resonated against the marble walls of the pristine castle. "You actions against your own subjects has lead to dishonesty, bribery, sexual misconduct on a multitude of levels and the molestation of an underage dragon who shall not be named."
"Oh get off of my back already." Celestia yawned, as she lazily leaned against the massive door frame that lead into her room without an ounce of worry in her voice. "You and I both know that he wanted it. It's not rape if he's willing."
"Lies! All lies!" Twilight screeched, her hooves covering her ears in a futile attempt at denial.
"And what about all of the other accusations? When have I ever bribed someone?" Celestia asked, as she examined the back of her hand with little interest.
"Well there was the time you slept with the Griffon emperor so he would withdraw his vote against your decision to take over the southern lands of the Diamond dogs."
"And?"
"You slept with the mother of the young stallion that you molested just so she wouldn't report you to the authorities, you've opened over a thousand brothels all over Equestria in a weak attempt to cover up the extreme amount of money you spent to build a diamond and gold statue of yourself, and you've made courses on sexual education a hands on experience!"
"And look how high the students' grades are! You tell me that was bad decision and I'll tell you that you are a liar!" Celestia cheered with a proud and boastful smile. "Shoot, I wish my parents had done the same thing whenever I was a foal."
"ENOUGH!" With a loud roar, Luna silenced the screams and yells of the unhappy mob, her horn shining with a menacing amount of energy and power. "For crimes committed against your own people, you are here by banished from our world! May the gods who watch over us take pity on your sinful, but sexy soul!
And with a bright flash of light and energy, Celestia had disappeared into nothingness.............
*************************
"Thank goodness! I thought that Solar Assembly would never end!" Celestia mumbled out loud as she trotted down the empty hallway, which was growing darker and darker by the second. Humming a happy tune to herself, theprincess of the sun happily neared the entrance to her personal chamber, when it filled with a brilliant light that flooded the room and seeped through the cracks of the doorway.
"What the." Celestia mumbled. Her mind ran though a list of things that could have caused such a brilliant light, but she though better of it and proceeded ahead. I mean, she was the princess of the sun! Who could possibly match her in terms of magical ability?
Eager to get to bed, the alabaster pony shoved the door open, only to stare in shock at what was laying on her bed.
"Hello Celly." The humanoid Celestia whispered with a sultry, seductive tone thick in her voice. "Why don't you and I play a little game?"
And with a flick of her wrist, the banished princess materialized a large, floppy, black -"
***************************
"Dude what the fuck is this shit!?" Robert exclaimed, as his teacher flopped down a copy of Hoof Beat Three on his desk.
"What is it, Robert?" The teacher whispered, as she pressed her lips against his ear. "I thought you liked ponies."
And that's how Robert got an A+ in Sex Ed.
