Story Against Sex

by Regidar

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Fluttershy, Sex, Braeburn, Cheerilee, Big Macintosh, Random, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2045

Big Macintosh avoids sexual encounters throughout the day.

Big Macintosh is a stallion with an odd sense of the world. He's a bit old fashioned, you see, and doesn't like how ponies just... throw themselves at him.

So when he feels a day with the possibility of potential lovers swarming him, he hides.

Published 2013-10-11 08:30:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-10-11 08:30:03 UTC

And The First One Tore A Picture

Big Macintosh awoke that morning with the familiar feeling of impending doom. It was a feeling that came about every now and then, and he knew that it was only to bring trouble to him on this day. He could feel the large orbs between his legs throbbing, and knew that the day to come was not going to be easy.

Sliding out of bed, his hooves alighted the floor much softer than they usually would. He knew that he had to be much stealthier and much more careful than he usually was on any given day. Today was a... shipping day.

He walked lightly, heading for the door of his modest room. Big Mac peaked a head out, looking down the hallway either way to make sure that he was safe from his sisters; if the gods were being particularly vengeful today, he was to have to deal with both Applejack and Apple Bloom. He could deal with Applejack, the elder of the two, but Apple Bloom... if he had to deal with her advances, he would hard pressed to escape.

Walking down the steps to the first floor, Big Mac held his breath. Even if he were to breath too loudly, he could alert the ponies that were hopefully still slumbering in his home.

He was in the living room, hopefully in the clear as he slowly and silently advanced towards the front door. This was the home stretch, this was his final obstacle, and then he would be free!

He opened the door quietly, then hoped down the porch to land on the dirt, as not to cause the creaking boards of the porch to alert anypony that might be nearby. Looking around, he sighed in relief, having escaped his home.

“Heya there, sugarcube,” came a sultry voice. Big Mac jumped, his heart skipping a beat. Applejack crawled her way out from behind one of the bushes that grew next to the Apple Family Homestead. The mare prowled her way over to Big Macintosh, who attempted to back away from the crazed sibling, but to no avail. The porch provided a makeshift cage for him, and since he had neither the time to go up or over it, he was going to have to endure what came next.

“So, you doin’ anythin’?” Applejack asked, her eyes still heavy lidded in an attempt to create a sexy bedroom expression; she failed terribly at this, and it merely looked as though she hadn’t slept a wink in days. Big Mac shuffled back and forth on his hooves in the small space as his sister enclosed on him.

“Well, Ah was gonna head into town and get some...” Big Mac started to say, his bluff falling through half-way. His mind rushed and scurried, looking for anything that could help him out of the situation; he found nothing, and instead had to deal with his sister getting uncomfortably close.

“Get some what?” Applejack asked teasingly, her tail brushing up against her brother’s side. Big Macintosh could feel his balls retreating in horror, and he sat down on the ground, gazing up at Applejack. The mare looked down at him, biting her lower lip, and she placed a hoof on his side. Big Macintosh lowered himself closer to the ground, and in this found his ticket out; the underside of the porch.

“Ah just remembered!” The large red stallion said in a slightly-higher-pitched-voice than his usual baritone. “Ah gotta check the underside of the house for... arsonist gophers!” With that, he shimmied backwards underneath the porch, and escaped from the horny harlot.

Applejack stared after her brother, and narrowed her eyes in suspicion. “Arsonist gophers? Those have been extinct since our father’s foalhood! What sort of treachery is goin’ on here...”

Big Macintosh crawled through the dark, muddy under house. This was not the preferred way to escape, but this was pretty much his only option. He dragged himself through the muck, his large stallion-parts dragging heavily behind him. Big Mac himself was not too happy with how he had to deny all of these ponies, but he was a stallion of romance— he could not simply throw himself at any old pony for a bed-tussle. There had to be spark, there had to be romance!

Escaping to the other side of the house, he sighed a huge sigh of relief as the sun shone down on him once more. Rinsing off the nasty gunk he acquired dredging through the under part of the Apple Homestead, he admired his clean body in the reflection of the puddle left. He was a modest pony for the most part, but sometimes it was hard for even he himself not to see why ponies fell for him like they did.

As he shifted slightly, his large, swarthy testicles bounced against the back of his legs, and he remembered the true reason ponies went after him. Bitterness creeped back over him, and he set off down the path to head into town. With any luck, he could hide from the ponies who were sure to pursue him on this day.

As he left the Apple Family PRoperty, though, he was greeted by an unwelcome sight. If this pony had shown up on any other day, this would have not been such an unpleasant sight, but because it had been today...

“Howdy, cuz!” came the plucky voice of Braeburn. Big Macintosh sighed. Braeburn was a nice stallion, but he only seemed to visit Sweet Apple Acres on days like this, or for Apple Family reunions. He gave Braeburn a somewhat agitated glance, before returning his greeting.

“Hello, Braeburn.”

“Sure is a nice day, ain’t it?” Braeburn asked, removing his hat to wipe sweat from his brow. Big Mac nodded.

“Eeyup.”

“Sure would be nice for us two to... find an apple tree, and lay beneath it for a bit...” Braeburn said, his voice dropping into a more suave tone. The stallion walked up to Big Mac, his eyebrows waggling up and down. “See where it takes us...”

Big Mac rolled his eyes. “Ah’m kinda busy, Brae, maybe in a little bit. Like, can we say... four, five years?”

Braeburn gave Big Macintosh a look of false begging. “Aw, can I at least get a hug? Didn’t come out here all the way from Appleloosa to get nothin’!”

Big Mac nodded. “Eeyup.” The two walked towards each other, and embraced, hooves wrapped around each other’s backs. It only took about thirty seconds fro Braeburn to get a bit too... feely, as it was.

“Mmm, you’re nice and strong...” Braeburn commented, rubbing his hooves up and down Big Mac’s back. Big Mac turned his head slightly, looking at Braeburn sternly. Braeburn ignored this too, and kept going.

“Yup, you’re so... powerful...” Braeburn said, barely noticing that Big Mac had slowly begun to tighten his grip around his cousin. Braeburn began to twist himself, so that he slipped out from under one of Big Mac’s forelegs, and was now staring at his cousin’s plump rump. “You’ve got quite the hips for one working out in the fields all day, though, cuz... hehe...”

Big Mac stuck his foreleg around Braeburn, getting him in another awkward hugging position, and began to tighten his grip. Braeburn was pretty lost by now, however, and just continued on with his current train of thought.

“Yup, I could lose myself in those flanks...” Braeburn said, reaching the one leg that wasn’t wrapped around Big Mac’s shoulder to pull one of his flanks towards him. He slowly lowered his head to Big Mac’s back end, his tongue reaching for the plothole that lay right before him. Big Mac’s eyes widened, and he tightened his grip even more, eliciting the following response from Braeburn: “Wow, you’re real powerful...”

“Eeyup,” Big Mac said, giving Braeburn a real big squeeze right before his tongue made contact with his anus. Braeburn made a high pitched squeaking noise, and Big Mac felt something warm coat his right leg in a few lengthy ropes. Dropping his dazed cousin, he wiped off his leg on vest, leaving the pony to live out the throws of his orgasm. Technically, they hadn’t really done anything, so Big Mac didn’t count it as sex.

He galloped into town swiftly, his semen-filled testicles slapping against his underbelly and sheath the whole while. His body screamed at him, but he knew that he couldn’t just give in whenever he wanted; that’s how the terrorists win.

He was now in town, where a suspicious lack of ponies caused him to be more alert, on the tips of his hooves. This proved futile, however, because at the same time, from different directions, came two big problems.

“Oh, hello Big Macintosh,” Fluttershy said quietly, her wings fluttering slightly as she spoke to him. “I didn’t expect to see you in town... it’s nice to see you.”

“Hello, Big Mac!” came the cheerful voice of Cheerilee. “How are you today?”

Big Mac simply groaned, answering neither of them. Unfortunately, both of the mares misinterpreted the groan to be for each one of them, respectively.

“Well,” Fluttershy began. “I figured, since both of us are such quiet, gentile ponies, we could go out and maybe... um... do something together, maybe? I mean, if it’s alright with you, I don’t want to impose or anything...”

“Hey!” Cheerilee said, striding right past Big Mac, and getting all up in Fluttershy’s grill. “You hitting on my stallion?”

Fluttershy swallowed hard. Big Mac just stared at the two, in awe of what might be a stroke of good fortune at long last, something that was so scarce on days like this.

“Actually, I don’t think he’s wither of our stallions,” Fluttershy reasoned. “I mean, we don’t own him, and neither of us date him, so...”

“You see this?” Cheerilee said, practically shoving her hoof into Fluttershy’s nostril. Fluttershy nodded, so terrified she looked as though she might pee a little. “This is the hoof that’s going up your ass if you so much as look at my stallion ever again!” Fluttershy shrunk onto the ground, quivering.

“Well, now that that’s that,” Cheerilee said, turning to Big Mac. “Since we were tricked by your sister and her weird friends that one time into falling in love, and we then hung out twice after that of our own volition, I think I am the most qualified to have sex with you today.”

“Um,” Big Macintosh said, trying to find the words adequate enough to day “no”. He knew that a normal “eenope” was not going to cut this. Fortunately for him, he didn’t have to worry about that, for something of a yellow blur attacked Cheerilee from behind.

“HE’S MINE, BITCH!” Fluttershy screamed with extreme force that would make any Norwegian death metaler proud. Big Mac watched as the blur of magenta and yellow rolled around on the ground, in some sort of death struggle. As they did this, an idea came to him; a wonderful, awful idea. One that would solve every single one of his problems.

He bounced up and a down a few times, getting his balls to smack around a bit, arousing himself. As this happened, his length snaked out of its sheath, and soon he was at erection. He was of very great length, and all he had to do was simply arch his back and bend his head down, and he mouth bumped up against the head of his penis. From there on out, it was smooth sailing, and Big Macintosh sucked his own dick with great zest.

Fluttershy and Cheerilee stopped fighting for a moment to revel in the sight that was this auto-felatio. Soon, ponies of all sorts were watching as Big Mac pleasured himself, right in public. It was only a matter of time before the cops showed up.

With one final grunt, Big Mac came inside his mouth, feeling the wonderful taste of his Apple seed. As the pony police dragged him away, he opened his mouth to speak, cum dripping down his chin, he speech slightly garbled from the amount of pony propagation paste in his mouth.

“Do what you must, for Ah have already won.”