Rainbow Dash had just left the library after picking up a free autographed copy of Spitfire’s auto-biography, which Twilight had ordered specifically for her when she saw a familiar pink pony hiding behind a rock.
“Okay, Jacque…” Pinkie whispered to her new friend. “As soon as she passes us, we’ll jump out and shout ‘Surprise!’”
Dash stood in the outside the library squinting in the distance.
Was Pinkie talking to a balloon?
It was green and had a large, crudely drawn smiley face on in it in from what appeared to be some kind of black marker.
That was really weird…even for Pinkie.
Reluctantly, Dash decided to investigate as she approached the rock.
“Pinkie?” she asked cautiously.
“Aww, now the surprise is ruined!” she moaned in dismay before returning to her usual ecstatic demeanor.
“Hey Dashie, what’s up?”
“Why are you hiding behind a rock…and what’s with the balloon?” Dash asked, eyeing it curiously.
“His name is Jacque and he’s my new best friend!” Pinkie exclaimed proudly, before seeing the puzzled expression Dash was wearing.
“Ooh, I don’t mean you’re not my best friend anymore!” Pinkie quickly added defensively.
“I have lots and lots of best friends, including you!” she explained. “And Jacque is just my newest one!”
“Yeah…” Dash replied slowly. “So uh, how did you two meet up?”
“I found him hiding in my leftover party supplies in my room this morning!” She exclaimed happily, bouncing in place.
“Pinkie…you know he’s a balloon, right?”
Pinkie gasped as she placed her hooves on either side of ‘Jacque’ as if to cover his ears to protect him from hearing something obscene.
“DASHIE!” she chastised in a condescending tone. “Just because he’s a balloon doesn’t mean he can’t have feelings! Besides, he can’t help it if that was the way he was born!”
Pinkie then stood on the rock with her hind legs as if it were some kind of soapbox.
“I, Pinkie Pie love all my friends, be they Earth Pony, Pegasi, Unicorn, or Alicorn! Mare, Stallion, Foal, or other! Regardless of political alliance, religious affiliation, or sexual preference!” she exclaimed proudly.
“You done?” Dash deadpanned.
“Yep!”
And with that Pinkie jumped back down.
“My point is, you really need to learn how to be more open minded, Dashie.”
“Pinkie…you do realize that there is a difference between real life and pretend, right?” Dash asked in a similar manner in which one would normally speak to a child.
“Duh!” Pinkie exclaimed, rolling her eyes. “Of course I know that, I’m not bonkers Dashie!”
She then turned to the balloon before bursting into a fit of laughter causing her to fall on her back as she clutched her stomach with her hooves as tears streamed from her eyes and she tried to catch her breath.
After a few moments, she got back to her hooves and wiped the tears from her eyes, still giggling.
“You are so funny, Jacque!” she commented, turning back to the balloon.
For a moment, Rainbow Dash contemplated going back to the library to get some help from Twilight.
But on the other hand, Pinkie had been like this for as long as they’d known each other and she hadn’t caused any harm with her antics, yet…
“Uh, Pinkie…I haven’t heard Jacque say anything.” She ventured, cautiously.
“Oh, well that’s because he only talks to me.”
Pinkie then spontaneously appeared at Rainbow Dash’s side before whispering to her.
“He’s very shy.”
“Okay,” Dash sighed. “Well, I’ve got some reading to catch up on so I guess I’ll be heading home. Jacque, it was nice to ‘meet’ you or whatever…”
Alternating between reading, sleeping, and working, Dash hadn’t had much time to visit her Ponyville friends in the next few days.
In fact, she was napping on her favorite cloud when a blood curdling scream pierced the heavens.
“NOOOOOO!”
Now completely awake and alarmed, Dash spread her wings and flew down towards the source.
There kneeled Pinkie on the outskirts of the Everfree forest with shredded pieces of green rubber all around her.
“What happened?” inquired Twilight as she and over half of Ponyville arrived at the scene.
“Jacque is dead!” Pinkie moaned in despair. “We were playing hide-and-seek in the forest and when we came out, he got caught in a prickly bush and…and…”
Over half the town’s folk exchanged glances that said ‘really?’ and began heading back to town to continue whatever they were working on before the interruption.
The remaining five ponies and Spike all exchanged nervous glances, whenever Pinkie got upset, she really got upset and none knew it better than Rainbow Dash.
Pinkie’s attitude after believing that they didn’t want to be her friends anymore lead to some very disturbing developments with the inanimate objects she had chosen to become her ‘replacement’ friends.
At first Dash didn’t deal with Jacque on the grounds that she feared Pinkie would break down into a similar episode, but now it seemed completely unavoidable.
As usual, however Twilight had an idea.
“Pinkie…” she began softly, placing a hoof on her shoulder comfortingly.
“If you like, we have a funeral for him…would you want to do that?”
Tearfully, Pinkie nodded.
Rainbow Dash and Applejack had spent the next few hours digging a grave to lay Jacque to rest in.
Pinkie had placed the pieces in a wooden crate, which Rarity and Twilight magically lowered into the ground as Fluttershy tried to comfort Pinkie.
Once the crate was settled, Twilight, Rarity, Applejack, and Fluttershy began refilling the hole.
Rainbow Dash agreed to give the eulogy that Pinkie requested.
“Well, I uh…” Dash began uncertainly. “I didn’t know Jacque personally until a few days ago.”
She looked back at Pinkie who encouraged her to keep going.
“But, uh he was a good balloon…very sturdy for being able to last this long and we will all miss him greatly.”
Twilight levitated a large stone over to mark the grave.
Pinkie then stood before them.
“I would now like to say a few words…”
They all looked to her as she spoke in anticipation of her next words.
“I just wanted to say that…remember last week when I ate those cupcakes with toothpaste filling?” Pinkie asked.
They all looked towards Rainbow Dash who had been responsible for the prank and didn’t understand why Pinkie was bringing this up now.
“Well, I GOT YOU DASHIE!” she exclaimed triumphantly.
“Huh?” The group uttered in unison.
“I knew Jacque wasn’t really alive!” Pinkie continued. “Just how silly do you think I am?”
At this point a wide toothy grin spread across Pinkie’s face.
“Well, consider this payback for that-I can’t wait to see what you come up with next!”
And with that she happily bounced off back towards Sugar Cube Corner leaving all of her friends puzzled more than anything.
For a prank this was surprisingly elaborate, but its nonsensical nature definitely had Pinkie Pie written all over it.
Everyone then went home, tired, and more than a little agitated at Pinkie and Dash’s little prank war escalating to the point of dragging them from their jobs in the middle of the day to hold a funeral for what turned out to be an imaginary friend.
This also caused Rainbow Dash to realize that it would probably be best to cut back on the pranks for a few weeks, at least until this particular misadventure was more or less forgotten.
Otherwise, her friends would probably have less tolerance for them in the future.
More than anything, though this prank had left Dash confused than angry…it was an odd strategy Pinkie had adopted and she would need to think long and hard before she was ready to top it.
Dash then spread her wings before flying home as devious a grin spread across her face.
If she was smart, Pinkie would need to keep on the lookout for her next trick.
Author's Note
Fifteenth story for One-Shotober.
Rest In Pieces, Jacque...
:'(
