Interdimensional Destination

by ArizonAnon

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Apple Bloom, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other
Length: 1960

Anonymous is teleported into Equestria by unknown means, to him at least. His arrival is definitely a sign of how his adventures will turn out.

Anonymous is teleported into Equestria by unknown means, to him at least. His arrival is definitely a sign of how his adventures will turn out.

Coping with this strange circumstance will be the least of his worries as he meets a group of zany ponies that will end up being his 'caretakers', and in due time, his friends.

Published 2013-10-11 15:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-11-30 06:32:25 UTC

Prologue - Now Arriving

Now Arriving

You are Anonymous. You are currently enjoying a nice day off after a six day work-week. Which, as you would imagine, wasn't very fun.

"I have to pee."

And you obviously have to pee...The reason? You got a good paycheck for the week, and decided to buy some celebratory tequila. It was definitely well deserved. Working at a grocery store takes its toll. Oh, you've always been a patient person. But everyone has their limits. And you swear, a truck full of 'idiot juice' must've recently spilled over this side of town.

Anyways. You finally stumble into the bathroom. Clearly deserving a gold star for that wobbly performance. Most people don't correct themselves when they accidentally walk into the closet. Especially when you were primed to release some gold upon the floor. Living alone has its perks. Not many, but let's think silver linings here. Like leaving the toilet seat up. Which, in photo-finish moments like these, can make all the difference.

Right when you unzip and drop trou, you begin feeling tingly. And not piss orgasm tingly, because you haven't even started yet. No, this is some foreign shit going on. You notice a purple aura around your hands and lower half. Leaning over to look at the mirror, you notice it's all around you. Clearly you are going to die. So you do what comes naturally:

Tighten the grip on your dick and hold on for dear life. If anyone ever finds your body. They'll probably understand.

The tingly feeling just gets... tinglier? (Yeah, that's a word. I think) Here you thought dying was supposed to be serious, but you are on the verge of letting out some serious girly giggles. As we all know, That is some anti-serious shit, son!

It feels as if the whole room is shaking, when suddenly, Some kind of orb of white light appears in front of you, and begins engulfing the entire bathroom.

Then everything just stops... And goes blank.

--

You are Apple Bloom. And yer wondering what you and yer 'Cutie Mark Crusader' friends should do next.

"We've already tried dress makin', butterfly catchin', an' some *shudder* comedy routines. And we still got the whole day ahead of us.  What should we do."

"Maybe we can play some kind of... Game?"

You can always count on Sweetie Belle to come up with a good idea... Usually.

"Good thinkin'. What should we play."

"Ooh! How about 'Hide-and-seek'. Not it!"

"Ya can't jus' call, 'not it', Scootaloo. We gotta-"

"NOT IT!"

Darn it, Sweetie Belle.

"*Sigh* Alright, alright. Ya'll go an' hide, I'll start countin'."

You give them time to run off an' find a good hiding place. You stand in front of a tree and begin the countdown... er, count-up? Hmmm. You'll have to ask Applejack about that.

"ONE! ... TWO! ... THREE! ... F-"

Your countin' is interrupted when you see the area go all bright an' stuff. And before  you have time to turn around, you feel some kind of really warm water falling onto yer head an' down yer back. Heh! It feels really good, an' you kinda wanna try drinkin' this mystery water, first you gotta find out where it's coming from. Ya know, safety, an' all that.

You turn around and see it's coming f-from... a... g-giant... M-m-monster!

--

You are Anon. And you are wondering what is going on. Time seems to have stopped. You are enveloped in darkness, and you still have to pee. Is this truly death? Feeling like you gotta pee but can never release it? This sucks balls.

A speck of light appears in the horizon, or what you think is the horizon. Did you not mention that It's really fucking dark? You did? Oh...

You squint so you can judge the distance, or just to try and look intelligent. Not that anyone is here to judge.

Before you can even make a mental note of anything, you are covered in light, and Bam! It feels as if you just got, what you imagine, a flashbang to the face.

When you open your eyes, and are finally able to see things that aren't either darkness or pure light, you see an apple tree in front of you, and some seriously colorful scenery. Like someone got crazy with the saturation levels. They go to 11!

But, there's no time for sightseeing. You still gotta pee. Your pants and boxers are still at your ankles... Let's do this.

Sorry, tree. But it's time for a golden shower. Strange, you're hearing the patter from peeing on grass. But... You are on dirt. You look down when you hear some shuffling, And...

You see that you are peeing on what looks like a small yellow horse of some kind. Like, the smallest you've ever seen. And it's wearing a bow in its mane. Huh...

Say something!

"Um..."

"MONSTER!!!"

The little horse scampers away. But... It just shouted 'monster!' like, in English. You know, that language that you can understand?

That... That can't be right. No... This is all kinds of wrong. Horses don't talk. Well, Except for that time you tried acid. Hoo boy. You were talking nothin' but gossip with those mares back at your uncle's ranch. But, you've been clean for months. Maybe you drank some bad tequila?

Oh. You're also done peeing now. You go to make yourself decent, and take a moment to really look around at the environment. Did you say 11? This is saturation level: Eleventy-million, and a quarter. Ya know, For good measure.

You are almost completely at a loss of words, actions, movements, brain skills. This is just... Fuck, you don't even know where to start.

Your thoughts, or, lack thereof in this case, are broken up by the sound and feel of some kind of a herd moving towards you. Maybe that tiny horse brought even more tiny horses.

Should you be afraid? Should you run? Fight?

When the herd finally reaches you. What you see can't easily be described, but you'll try anyways.

You see horses, not as small as the one you pissed on. They are bigger, but not by much.

The colors! They are magnificent! You see an orange one, and a red one. Those are the bigger horses.

You also see the little yellow one that you pissed on. She's with two smaller horses. One is white, The other, a darker shade of orange.

"There it is! The one that poured some kind of mystery monster water on me"

The orange-colored horse takes two steps forward, guarding the tiny yellow one.

"Now listen here... Whatever you are. Not only are ya trespassing on our property, but ya poured some kind of evil water on mah sister. Ya got ten seconds to explain yerself. Or yer gonna have ta face me, an' mah big brother."

"Eeyup!"

That red one. It's built like some kind of... powerful thing, of some sort. The orange one could also probably kick your ass into next week.

Okay, okay. Let's think of a plan... Seriously! Anything would be lovely right about now.

Hmmm. Maybe if you faint, they'll leave you alone.

No. They'll probably pummel you while you're on the ground. Easy target, and such.

You could maybe, Run?

You can't outrun horses. Hell, not even ponies. And yes, you've tried before.

Maybe this isn't real, and you're still lying on the bathroom floor, just clenching your wiener.

That's your best bet. You gotta think clearly now.

~There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's no place like home... While holding my dick...?~

"Time's up, partner!"

Nope. You. Are. Fucked. Up the booty butt!

--

You are Applejack. And you are so gonna kill this... Whatever this thing is. Ya can't have any monsters pouring evil water stuff on yer kin. Ya gave it some time to explain itself. But it just stood there, looking like it had some kinda argument with nopony in particular...

Oh well.

"Time to put this thing outta its misery. Ya ready, Big mac?"

"Eeyup!"

You ready yer rope and-

"Applejack! Hold on!"

Twilight runs to meet you, looking like she must've ran the entire way from Ponyville. Huh. Guess she's finally getting out more. Good for her.

"Twilight? What're you doin' here. Actually, it don't matter none. Would ya like ta help us git rid of this monster?"

"No! It's n-"

"Really? Okay then. Jus' make sure little Apple Bloom, an' her friends stay safe. I reckon this thing ain't goin' down without a fight."

--

Okay, Twilight. Just calm down, catch your breath, and do the sensible thing.

You quickly run past Applejack, and make your stand in between her, and the creature.

"Twilight! What're ya doin'? That thing is evil!"

"No, It isn't. Or... I'm pretty sure it isn't. Okay, I don't know for sure."

"... Twilight. Are you feelin' alright? Do ya need ta lie down fer a sec? Ya should probably go an' do that. Maybe somewhere -away- from the monster?"

Wow, good job there, Twilight. Always thinking things through. Still, you made the move, now you gotta stick with it. You don't know what this creature is, or what its intentions are. But you have to give it a chance. And the first step is to stop Applejack from killing it. Or vice-versa. That is a big possibility. One you don't want to see become manifest. Time to lay all your metaphorical cards on the equally metaphorical table.

"Look! I was the one who summoned this creature! And I don't want its first impression of us, to be one of hostility!"

You have successfully stunned Applejack, and everypony else. As well as the new creature. You just hope that you calmed everything down long enough for the Princess to arrive. Actually! Speaking of that. You have to talk to the creature, and make sure he understands what's going on. This could be difficult.

--

Words... They fail you at this very moment in time. And, you're still not sure what to make of all this. Which is understandable. All of that bickering between those two mares, was strange.

I mean, tiny, talking, colorful, and magical horses? How does that even?! You don't even.

The best part? The very second the purple unicorn mentioned that she had summoned you, everything, It just went 'boom!' As in:

Bye-bye, gone, Elvis has left the building, The truck is on; but no one is the sharpest tool in the shed... Uh...

Still. Time to boot up the system. The unicorn! She approacheth!

"Look, Whoever you are. I don't know where exactly I summoned you from, or what kind of life you may have been used to. But, please. Hear my plea. We are a peace-loving race. And we wish to keep it that way,"

"... Okay..."

You can only just barely contain your sanity as she continues.

"Good. Now, Princess Celestia, one of our leaders, is on her way to meet you. And It would make for a really great first impression if you would show her some form of respect."

As adorable as the unicorn is in this pleading state, You wish you could wake up from this trip. This seriously cannot be real. It just can't.

You wish you had brought that 'bad' bottle of tequila with you. Or maybe if you had drank some bourbon, you could have gone to a magical land of anteaters, or Kiwi.

Jeez. You really need something to help you deal with this.

Your knees buckle as you begin to feel weaker and weaker.

Oh, you suppose the ground is a good alternative for now.

You hear gasps from the horses before you fully pass out.

Nap time!

Chapter One - Enjoy Your Stay

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Chapter Two - Trial by Apples

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Chapter Three - The Science of Magic

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Chapter Four - Bones and Apples

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