Ain't That a Kick in the Head?
Ain't That A Kick in the Head (Version 2)
Two mares trotted out of the radio station side-by-side.
One was a unicorn with a white coat, a chaotic electric blue streaked mane, and a Cutie Mark of a note.
This was Vinyl Scratch, despite being a popular radio personality (until quite recently) she still often moonlit as DJ, specifically around Ponyville.
Her wild and often unpredictable nature had drawn the ire of the majority of the upper class inhabitants of Canterlot or ‘snobs’ as she called them, who had no idea ho to party (nor did they seem to wish to learn).
“I can’t believe you did that…” Octavia seethed.
She was the other mare, an Earth Pony from Canterlot, born and raised, she had practiced the cello from a young age, her white collar and pink bowtie represented her perfectly, her Cutie Mark was that of a pink treble clef note which made perfect sense to her as she felt the most relaxed while playing with her fellow orchestra members or ‘respectable members of society’ (as she liked to call them when speaking with Vinyl) at the annual Grand Galloping Gala-even when it seemed as though all Tartarus was breaking loose around them.
One would have probably found them to be an extremely odd couple due to these vast differences, however much like the relationship ponies were beginning to suspect about Rainbow Dash and Princess Twilight Sparkle, they seemed to be proof of the old adage ‘opposites attract’-except for tonight, of course.
“Really?” asked Vinyl, raising an eyebrow behind her trademark purple-tinted shades. “’Cause that seems like something I’d totally do.”
He marefriend regarded her with a look of absolute disgust at how completely unfazed she was at the severity of the situation which she had put them both in.
The crime in question was a quite vulgar song of suggestive material which Vinyl thought would be a good idea to put on the airwaves as a joke.
But, Octavia wasn’t laughing-her little stunt had gotten her fired and like an idiot she stood up for her idiot lover-which, had resulted in the termination of both their employments…if she had just kept her mouth shut, she may have been able to at least keep her job and have enough salary to pay for room and board, but she just had to be a hero (at least to Vinyl).
“Doesn’t this bother you?” Octavia shrieked her voice full of frustration. “We are BOTH unemployed-how are we going to pay the rent? Or buy food? How are you going to ‘drop the bass’ or whatever you call it if you can’t afford your equipment anymore?”
“Nah,” Vinyl replied coolly. “I’m pretty easygoing about most things.”
“No.” Octavia growled. “Being ‘easygoing’ means you don’t have any real reaction when bad things happen to you-when bad things happen to other people as a direct result of your reactions and you don’t care-that makes you a ‘sociopath’.
Vinyl shrugged.
“Hey, why are you blaming me? How was I supposed to know that guy was gonna have such a strong reaction to joke just because it was ‘Not Safe For Work’?”
Octavia gritted her teeth in response.
“Because unlike you, most NORMAL ponies think about the consequences of their actions ahead of time!”
“You know Octy, there’s a thing called ‘learning to let go of the past’-maybe you should try it?”
She regarded Vinyl with a look of absolute disbelief, they had gotten fired less than twenty minutes ago and all she could say was ‘let it go’?
“I’m not sure how things work in your little fantasy world, Vinyl-but right here in the real world; people need money to get by without it we will end up destitute begging on the streets with small children throwing rocks at us!”
“Octy,” she chuckled lowering her shades and revealing her beautiful red eyes (which she usually kept concealed behind them or would magically change them a shade of violet in places where sunglasses were not permitted because they sometimes freaked other ponies out) and glanced over at her.
“You can be so morbid sometimes, why would anyone want to chuck rocks at us of all ponies?”
“Why?” she repeated. “I’ll tell you precisely why; Canterlot has always taken care of high society nobles-if you’re out on the street without a single bit to your name all of the respect anyone in the city has ever had for you completely vanishes!”
“No prob.” she replied, pushing the sunglasses back up the bridge of her muzzle. “We’ll just crash in Ponyville ‘till this all blows over.”
“Over half of Equestria has heard that broadcast, who in the world would want to hire us after hearing that?” she challenged.
Almost as if on cue, there came an odd alien sound as a wooden blue box began to materialize of the street before them, not long after a brown coated stallion with an even darker shade of brown for his mane and brilliant blue eyes exited the contraption through a creaking wooden door.
He was wearing a blue suit with a red neck tie and as well as a brown coat.
“Hello,” Vinyl greeted in a playfully flirtatious manner to get under Octy’s skin.
“Stop it.” Octavia commanded.
“I was just saying hello.” She replied, feigning innocence.
“Oh, hello there-can I help you with something?” he asked, walking towards the two mares.
“Hey, are you from Canterlot?” Vinyl asked, noting that while not quite being a Canterlot accent-his was still strikingly similar.
“No, I’m from…far away.”
“I’m sorry about my friend here…” Octavia apologized. “She can be very rude sometimes-asking you all of theses personal questions when haven’t even asked you your name yet.”
“That’s alright, I can be a bit rude myself sometimes and not even realize it…I’m The Doctor, by the way.” He introduced himself holding out his hoof.
“Octavia Melody.” She replied, shaking it.
“Oh, and in case your wondering-yes, she can really hit those high notes-if you know what I mean.” Vinyl added, waggling an eyebrow suggestively.
“VINYL!” Octavia shouted as her face flushed.
“This is my…companion-Vinyl Scratch.” She sighed.
“Actually I’m her marefriend.” Vinyl corrected. “We do it-a lot.”
“I swear, sometimes it’s as if I’m your nanny more than anything else.” She sighed, shaking her head in exasperation after putting a hoof to her face.
“Aw, Octy are you embarrassed of me?” the unicorn asked, making a face pretending to be hurt.
“Hey, what’s in the box?” Vinyl asked, shifting her attention to the TARDIS.
“Well, I suppose there wouldn’t be any harm in showing you…” he muttered before gesturing for them to follow him inside.
“Whoa!” Vinyl uttered as the trio entered the TARDIS. “We could have a whole concert in here!”
“What exactly is this place?” asked Octavia.
“Spaceship Time Machine.” The Doctor replied tiredly.
“Seriously?” she asked skeptically.
“Awesome!” Vinyl exclaimed.
“Yes, yes…” The Doctor sighed. “Bigger on the inside-honestly, in world filled with magic and mythological beings, this is what surprises you people?”
He then began operating a few levers.
“Um, Doctor…what exactly are you doing?” Octavia asked cautiously.
“Taking you to Las Pegasus…in the fifties.” He replied.
“Why the fifties?” she pressed, confused.
“Because I’m feeling nostalgic.” He replied with a smile. “Besides, there isn’t much point in travelling in a time machine if you can’t take full advantage of its capabilities-is there?”
That’s when there was a dull ‘THUD’ indicating that the TARDIS hand arrived at its destination.
Once inside, Vinyl immediately ran off to the slot machines.
“I’m going to get a drink…” Octavia announced. “Care to join me?”
“Sure, why not make the most of tonight?” The Doctor replied as he followed her to the bar.
“With Vinyl’s confidence, I was under the assumption that she was going to try counting cards…” The Doctor commented while staring down at his half-empty drink.
Octavia laughed at this.
“Things often seem to work out for Vinyl and she’s not stupid-although, some of her decisions may seem to indicate otherwise-but, she’s nowhere near intelligent enough have even a modicum of success when it comes to counting cards.” She replied.
“At least, not in the mathematics department.” She added before taking another sip of her drink.
“It sounds like things always tend to work themselves out between you two.” The Doctor replied.
“Yes…they do.” Octavia smirked. “No matter how much trouble Vinyl gets us into, she’s always willing to step up and take responsibility for it…it’s strange, but it almost seems as if no matter how much she teases me-she doesn’t like me to be upset with her-at least not at the level I was when we got fired from the radio station.”
“So why do you think she keeps doing it?” The Doctor pressed.
“Well, it’s an impulse control issue, I suppose.” She replied be for taking another sip of her drink.
Vinyl after pulling the lever of the slot machine, her thoughts and guilt about screwing up Octavia’s life finally caught up with her.
She was used to moving from place to place and living in condemned building before her career as a DJ really took off, but Octavia was a classy mare in every sense of the word.
Unlike the other high society snobs from Canterlot, she deserved better than that.
Why did she always do this?
Every time Vinyl had the opportunity to be happy she always had to do something stupid to screw it up for herself.
Even if this half-baked plan did somehow manage to work out, would Octavia ever forgive her?
She had never been this mad at her before.
Frustrated, she punched the slot machine as the symbols slid into place.
Vinyl lifted up her shades as the entire row was filled with the word’s luckiest number, which reflected in her crimson eyes.
That was when an evil grin slowly spread across her face as she got an idea, a wonderful idea.
Half an hour later after discreetly sneaking the Bits out from the surprisingly and hilariously incompetent guards proved to be more leg work than anything else, luckily years of moving and setting up her own equipment had prepared her for such and endeavor.
Wiping the sweat from her brow she realized that she had more than enough to set Octavia up for a year if she decided to leave and that would give her time to find a new job.
Fortunately, she had taken into account the lesser value of Bits in this decade and mentally patted herself on the back for remembering such a critical detail.
It would be best to head out now, rather than push her luck and get Octy hurt again by another stupid mistake.
She found them talking at the bar counter.
“You guys! I got the Bits and brought them into the jukebox-thing!” Vinyl called out.
Octavia and The Doctor both gave her incredulous looks.
“There’s no time to explain-we have to go NOW!”
At that point, stallions who they assumed were security were clustered together as one pointed an accusatory hoof at Vinyl.
“There she is!” he exclaimed. “GET HER!”
Apparently, they weren’t as stupid as they originally thought-one of them must have had their suspicions and had been watching her before catching on.
Inwardly, Vinyl breathed a sigh of relief that this casino was owned by the mob which meant that they wouldn’t have to suffer through the indignities of going to prison for outsmarting the system.
At that this point she ran back outside towards the TARDIS as Octavia and The Doctor followed suit.
Once inside the two stood there in stunned silence as The TARDIS was filled with bags of Bits.
“How did you…actually, on second thought I’d rather not know.” The Doctor stopped himself before moving over to the control panel to bring them back to Ponyville in the present day.
The TARDIS materialized within Vinyl and Octavia’s home, where the trio promptly began unloading.
Despite frequent prompting from Octavia, Vinyl refused to reveal the means she used to obtain the large amounts of funds now available to them.
Once everything was emptied, The Doctor said his goodbyes before taking off in his TARDIS.
Vinyl and Octavia had been given their jobs back a few days later as the radio personality who was meant to replace them spoke quietly and unenthusiastically to the point were the stations listeners began to decline dramatically as fans sent pleads, bribes, and even threats for Vinyl and Octavia to return.
Octavia was simply pleased to have a job and able to perform as a ‘productive member of society again,’ as she put it before insisted to Vinyl that they donate the lottery Bits to charity organizations.
Vinyl however, was none too pleased with being fired in the first place and aware of the stations desperate situation agreed to return on two conditions; she could air whatever content she wished regardless of how ‘tasteful’ it was and that she and Octavia both gained triple their original salary.
In light of the recent ratings slump and the extremely negative opinion the station had received from firing their listeners favorite radio personalities left the station little choice, but to accept Vinyl’s terms.
THE END
Author's Note
Rewritten, hopepfully this version makes a bit more sense.
