I remember when I saw everything differently. Full of color, bursting of life. I was optimistic, brash and hot-headed. I really enjoyed everything.
Now, everything has changed. No, nothing has changed. Except me.
I still see color. I still see life.
But it feels like it goes in black and white.
I remember the times I had with my friends. We all loved each other. But we held each other, helped each other up.
I guess I let go.
It began a few months ago, when I was rejected from the Wonderbolts. Me, Rainbow Dash, fastest flyer in Equestria! Only one to perform a Sonic Rainboom, twice in that matter, and saved the land multiple times! How could they reject me?!
I know now.
I became lazy. Saving Equestria was hard work, but I slacked off more than I can remember. As the Element of Loyalty, I thought I could get off scot-free with anything, that I was privileged to relax.
I was too cocky, too self-assured. That led me to what I am now.
After being rejected, I began to gripe about it, how the Wonderbolts were jerks, not letting me in. They listened to my griping most of the time, but Applejack stopped me, saying that I just needed a little more practice.
I snapped at her angrily, saying how I always had to practice.
She retaliated, saying how I wouldn't get off my lazy flank most days.
We argued more than we normally did, which became more often, and it went downhill from there.
Fluttershy blew a gasket and yelled - no, screamed - at me. Screamed about how I was worse. How I was becoming selfish for my stupid goals. How Applejack and I were damaging all of their friendship.
Everyone of us stood there in shock-still, surprised from Fluttershy's outburst. Normally I would retaliate, but this was FLUTTERSHY. The calm, kind, caring pony, a friend I had for most of my life, just erupted at me. The effect of her words hit me, and the world became blurry. If there was something I prided too much, it was my pride. And Fluttershy broke it. My body began shaking, and I took off away from them. I was hurt. Crying, even.
And so was Fluttershy.
At that point, I stayed alone at home. I realized I was becoming worse. More cocky, more proud, more dominant. I wasn't who I was. I was so blinded by my own goals that I couldn't see my friends, and how they felt.
I was too stupid.
So I decided to leave.
I resigned from the weather team and began to cut my ties to Ponyville. I hurt my friends too much to stay with them.
As with myself.
Now I reside in Manehatten. Rented a nice little apartment, began working in a decent corner-store. I dyed my mane to black, white and gray, and my coat to brown. Like Daring Do. A small part of what I enjoyed stayed with me, I guess.
My cutie mark was now a cloud. I was no longer Rainbow Dash. I was just another pony on the street. I guess I was alright. I could live my life, and nopony would give any mind.
But one day, I read the paper. It was large, you could see the article as soon as you picked it up. It read:
ELEMENT OF LOYALTY HAS SHATTERED
My eyes became blurry again. Because that was me. Who I was.
Shattered. Broken. Gone.
Once the words became coherent, I began to read it.
As soon as I left, the Element began to crack. Twilight had ignored it, thinking it wasn't any problem. But day by day, it began to crack more and more. Twilight tried everything she could to fix it, even getting Celestia, but nothing stopped it. So it shattered. When I lost my hope.
When I lost my loyalty.
At this point, I began to turn to the bottle. There was no way I could face my friends like this. The element was broken, I was broken. Day became a routine. Get up. Go to work. Go to the bar every other day. Go home and sleep.
Now the world was in black and white.
Same picture repeating over and over.
But…I wanted it that way.
One day, a pony I least expected walked in.
Twilight Sparkle.
But she just browsed casually, barley even noticing me. Once she got the items she needed, she brought them up to the desk. She looked…tired. Like she's gotten little sleep.
"You alright?"
It took me a second to realize that I was the one who spoke. Twilight looked up at me. "Yeah. Just been having a few restless nights. Just trying to find my friend." She smiled.
I had a silent sigh of relief. The Manehatten accent grew onto me. But I also felt a pang of guilt. It's been months, yet she's still looking for me.
"You wanna talk about it?"
I spoke again. How stupid of me. But…
I wanted to talk to her again.
I wanted to hear about Ponyville.
Because I missed it. I really did.
She nodded and we went to the small lounge in the back room. She told me of how they'd been searching for their friend 'Rainbow Dash'. They couldn't find any trace of her. Resigned from her job, left her home, taking almost nothing and their fruitless search through every other city. Fluttershy was still bawling time to time over me. Applejack doesn't talk much, except when working. Rarity has been trying to keep an optimistic attitude, but she's been spaced out. Pinkie Pie often has her mane drooping, and her pace much slower.
It hurt. The guilt threatened to overflow, but I barley managed to hold it in. She looked relieved to release some of her burdens, and I checked her items out. We traded smiles and she left. I heard her mutter one thing before she went out the door.
"For a minute I thought she was Rainbow…I-"
Slam.
I went into the lounge.
And I cried.
Twilight almost saw me, almost saw through my shell. I almost wish that she had.
But she didn't and was heading on her way. I could've ran out and revealed that I was Rainbow Dash. That I was sorry. That I wanted to go home again.
But stayed there, crying.
I went into my apartment with a heavy heart. I took all the alcohol and tossed it out. That wasn't me. Rainbow Dash.
I was so close. But I still am not who I was.
My friends have forgiven me. All I need now it to forgive myself.
To see in color.
