Buttering Up The Mares

by Flint Sparks

Rating: teen
Tags: Spike, Comedy, Princess Celestia, Sex, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 5246

Spike discovers the magical property of peanut butter and its application on ponies. Naturally, he abuses it.

Spike is just your average dragon going about his day, but it takes a mysterious course. Today, Spike will discover the most powerful artifact ever to grace Equestrian soil. An item so powerful, that even Celestia fears it, and Nightmare Moon quivers in her hooves at the mere mention. Something so powerful, that Equestria wouldn't stand a chance if it fell into the wrong hooves...

Peanut butter.

A collaboration with the amazing electreXcessive

Published 2013-10-13 01:30:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-10-13 01:30:03 UTC

Chapter 1

Naps are wonderful. Naps are great. Naps are one of those things that nature intended for all creatures, from mice to dragons, to enjoy with life to the fullest. To a dragon, and a newborn at that, a nap was the universe’s gift to the majestic race and all creation. However, like all good things, Spike’s bliss came to an abrupt end.

Buuuurp! Spike awoke from his slumber with a mighty belch, green flame spewing from his jaw. Rather than a letter from the princess appearing, something hard and heavy landed on his stomach.

He lifted it up, curious to see the invoker of rage and sleep lost that had disturbed him. A jar. Strange. It was the color of peanuts, those strange nuts that Applejack had brought him from the market when he had stopped by the farm to help out. He couldn’t buck trees like the ponies, but he could reach up on a ladder and grab the sturdier apples with his claws. Regardless, Applejack was grateful and had rewarded his kindness with an unusual snack.

Spike stood up and peeked over the balcony: Twilight was reading a book. How typical. And boring. Before she could notice he was up and inevitably nag him about one thing or another, he sneaked back to bed and sat down. Placing his claws on the lid gently, he carefully screwed it off.

A note flew from out of the lid, which Spike picked up after setting the lid down. He read it silently, ensuring he wasn’t holding any cursed item or whatever nonsense the princess sent Twilight nowadays.

Dearest Spike,

You have certainly noticed it by now, but I have sent you a special container. Inside the container lies a delicacy from Ameribuck: the delectable ‘peanut butter.’ I have heard from dear Applejack that you enjoy such nutty treats, and thus I decided to set aside some just for you. Unfortunately, due to the particular taste of my little ponies in Equestria, we are unable to enjoy it like our colonists and no doubt you as well. I hope you enjoy your treat and hope to hear from you soon.

With love,
Princess Celestia.

PS: DO NOT give any to other ponies! Not under any circumstances, mister!

Spike chuckled, happy to hear from his surrogate mother. Despite her refined noble behavior, he could sense a maternal emotion emanating from the note. Mostly because she dotted her i’s with hearts. He stuck out a finger and reached down to poke the peanut butter-

“SPIKE!” Twilight screamed from the foot of the stairs, causing Spike to jump in shock. He nearly tossed the peanut butter away, but managed to catch it in the nick of time as it left his grasp. He set it down on the ground and wiped his forehead in relief.

“Phew!” he sighed in relief. Twilight, however, was not amused.

“Spike!” she barked. “What did I tell you about using your claws to eat? If you’re going to live in this library, you need to eat with proper manners! At least use a spoon if you’re eating out of a jar!”

Spike mentally shut out the rest of her lecture using the years of practice it took to master. An hour later, he blinked a few times as something hovered in the peripherals of his vision.

“A spoon?” he asked, grasping the utensil as the magenta miasma dissipated.

“Yes, a spoon.” Twilight huffed as she trotted closer. Spike hardly noticed her go downstairs, having been daydreaming about marrying Rarity and fighting off diamond dogs. Twilight poked his chest with a hoof. “You need to learn some manners. Next time I catch you with your claw in the… food jar, no gems for a week!”

Spike grunted and looked down, biting down a retort. His eyes glazed over the peanut butter as an idea sparked inside his mind. Maybe…

He scooped up some of the peanut butter and held the spoon toward Twilight, a mischievous grin plastered over his face. “Hey Twi, want to try some of this? Princess Celestia sent it herself, and it’s very delicious.”

Twilight bit her lip, debating. On one hand, she wasn’t hungry. On the other, Princess Celestia had sent her a gift! Deciding not to look the gift horse in the mouth, she leaned forward and placed the spoon in her lips.

She cleaned it in one gulp and swallowed. It was delicious! Strange, sugary sensation tickled her tongue. It was unlike any sweet she had ever tasted! The sugar wasn’t overbearing, the peanut taste was evident, and it was like and unlike the very concept of candy itself! She bounced in excitement as the taste enveloped her.

“Tnk tu Spke!” she mumbled as loud as she could.

Twilight Sparkle froze. Standing still and focusing, she tried swallowing again. For some reason, there was peanut butter on the roof of her mouth! She tried licking it, but her tongue was to short. Her cheeks sunk into her face as she tried sucking the peanut butter. Desperate, she began smacking her lips to dislodge the peanut butter.

“Spk wt hppned?” she mumbled, smacking her lips with each word. Spike shrugged, hiding his true intentions and impish discovery.

“Allergic reaction?” he suggested, crossing his fingers behind his back. Twilight nodded.

“Mby. Ah shud lok up a spl.” With that, she turned around and headed downstairs. Spike looked down at the jar in wonder.

“Oh sweet Celestia, what power do I hold?” Spike licked his lips and held the jar of peanut butter close to himself. “Oh… Oh, this is going to be fun.”

Spike looked up the stairs to where he could hear Twilight sifting through piles upon piles of books. It would take her hours to find the spell that she was looking for, no doubt. Spike smiled shiftily before making his way to the door and opening it. “Bye, Twilight! I’m just gonna go help some ponies with some stuff! Have a great day!”

“Hv fn!”

Spike made his way through the marketplace of Ponyville, caressing his jar of pure, unadulterated power in thought. Hm… Who should I prank next? I’ve got a whole jar of this stuff. I could get everypony in town if I wanted to. Fluttershy? Nah… that’d be too mean. Applejack? Maybe, but that’s definitely a maybe. How about…

Spike paused in his tracks as a familiar gingerbread building showed itself right in front of him. “Woah. When did Sugarcube Corner get so close to the library? I really need to stop thinking and walking at the same time.”

Spike stood on his tiptoes and peeked through the front door window. Seems relatively empty. Probably because it’s a weekday. Everypony’s still at work. Wait a minute. This is perfect! Who better to prank first then the master of pranks herself?

With a smug grin, Spike opened the door and pushed his way into the shop. A familiar pink pony bounded out of the kitchen, holding a fresh batch of unfrosted cupcakes on her back.

“Oh, hey, Spike! Pretty slow day today. Did you come by to get some cupcakes?” Pinkie Pie smiled as she placed the tray off of the counter and retrieved a piping bag from behind the counter. “You’re just in time! Just made a fresh batch a few minutes ago. I’m about to start piping the buttercream frosting after they cool off a bit. Wouldn’t want them to get all runny! That wouldn’t be good for anypony.”

Spike scratched his forehead as he watched Pinkie position herself over a cupcake and stop in her tracks, seemingly frozen in time. “Uh… Pinkie? Aren’t you supposed to frost those in the kitchen and then bring them out here? And are you just gonna stand there until they’re cooled down?”

“Well, yeah. Duh. What else am I supposed to do? We don’t have any customers right now, silly! As for frosting them in the kitchen? I don’t like doing that. It’s too cramped in there!” Pinkie wiggled her rump in the air and stretched out her hooves. “I need lots of room to properly pipe these little beauties.” She rubbed her hoof along the centermost cupcake lovingly, ignoring the heat radiating into her hoof.

Spike looked at the piping bag and then back to his peanut butter jar. Immediately, he knew exactly what he needed to do. “Hey, Pinkie? Actually, the reason I came here is because I had a new frosting recipe for you, and I wanted to see if you’d like to try it. It melts at a lower temperature, so you don’t have to wait as long for it to properly cool. You could try it on a cupcake right now if you wanted!” Spike pushed the jar of peanut butter towards Pinkie’s face, waving it back and forth.

“New frosting? Let’s try it out!” Pinkie snatched the foreign product from Spike’s claws before he could even react. He watched in awe with his mouth agape as she reached into a drawer beside her, picked up a spoon, and dumped what was easily six ounces of peanut butter onto the cupcake in the center of the tray. He giggled as he watched her pick up the cupcake and toss it into her mouth whole, chewing quickly.

Soon enough, Pinkie’s chewing began to slow and her eyes shot open wider than a dinner plate. “Spk? Spke?! Mh mmth ih fnny!”

Spike raised an eyebrow and casually bit into a cupcake. “What was that Pinkie?” he asked, exaggerating his swallowing by exposing his throat as he shoved the snack down. He smacked his lips and leaned his elbow on the counter. “Tell me exactly what’s wrong.”

Pinkie drew in a deep breath. “Ah at a cpck n mh mth ih fne n tst gd bt it stky n duh nt fel gud n Am scerred Spk! Gt t ot! Gt t ot!” She smacked her lips frantically and shoveled cupcakes into her mouth, trying to alleviate the symptoms but only worsening her condition. She then went onto to other pastries in the bakery, consuming everything she could to free her from her plight.

For the first time in Equestrian history, Spike watched as the pink mare collapsed into a panic-induced faint, still for but a twitch. It brought a strange bloom of satisfaction in his heart.

He majestically lifted the jar into the air and said, “If this can stop Pinkie Pie, it can stop anypony! No.” He lowered his arms and walked toward the window. Staring into the sun, he muttered, “It can stop the world.”

Krak-a-thoom!

Lightning struck outside, illuminating Spike’s malicious grin.

“I CAN RULE THE WORLD! MWAHAHAHA!”

Ponies laughing outside snapped him out of his megalomaniac stupor. An evil grin spread on his face. “Oh yes…” He rubbed his claws together with the jar at his feet. “First a prank on the one who invented ‘the fast one,’ and then the world!”

“Applejack! Rainbow Dash! Wait up!” Spike shouted as he jogged past a few ponies he never bothered to meet. Strange, living in Ponyville for so long and never asking ponies he saw everyday simple questions like their name. It’s like they’re part of the background or something. Except Derpy; everypony loved Derpy.

The two mare in question stopped their joyful gallope and politely waited for him to catch up. Spike panted as he jogged, careful to not drop the jar. He finally stopped to catch his breath, having caught up.

“Howdy there, sugarcube.” Applejack tipped her hat to the young dragon. “What brings you out here?” Rainbow Dash nearly nodded at him with smug eyes as if to say Sup.

“I. Wanted. To. Say. Something.” Spike gasped each word. He lifted a finger to ask for a moment, then rested his hands on his knees and panted. After his tenth breath, he could stand again.

“What’s that?” Rainbow Dash pointed to the jar under his arm. Spike smiled and held it in front of him. Applejack narrowed her eyes.

“Wait a minute…”

“Peanut butter!” Spike cheered, closing his eyes to add what Twilight called the Kawaii Effect. Dash tilted her head and bit her lip.

“Looks tasty. I’m kind of hungry after working out, mind if I have some?” she asked, licking her lips as Spike released the lid and the delectable scent. Her salivating was a sign the prank was about to succeed. Spike grinned and took out the spoon from the jar and took a generous spoonful.

“Wait Dash-” Applejack held up her hoof but Spike shoved the spoon inside Rainbow Dash. Her face relaxed as the taste washed over her. Pulling away, she attempted to swallow. And froze.

“Ah nuh ah cnt beh awsum lk ti!” Rainbow Dash clutched her throat with both hooves and tried to spit the peanut butter out. “Crs tu Spk!”

Spike fell backwards and rolled on his back, laughing up a storm only a pegasus could manage. Applejack covered her tangerine muzzle with a hoof as Rainbow Dash rolled on the ground, fruitlessly trying to lick dirt. Spike wiped tears from his eyes and tried to stand up, but the pathetic sight of Rainbow Dash on the ground rolling and licking the ground gave him a second wind.

“SP LUFFNG!” Rainbow grumbled as loud as she could, flapping her wings and staying grounded. Applejack let out a chuckle as her friend grew red in the face. Spike bit his tongue to watch the show. It was only a matter of time…

“HY! STAHP IT!” Rainbow Dash yelled, poking her friend in the chest. Applejack snorted and chortled in return.

“Sorry, sugarcube. Can’t hear you. Who’s the peanut filly now?” Her retort turned Rainbow red as part of her mane.

“Oh yes…” Spike clasped his claws together.

“Oh no…” Applejack tried backing away to no avail.

“TK TIS!” Rainbow Dash leaped forward as Applejack yelped. Time seemed to stop as Spike’s heart did; Rainbow Dash dashed forward and locked lips with her friend, causing tangerine fur to turn scarlet. Spike heard something make small impact underneath him as Applejack’s cheeks noticeably bulged. Rainbow Dash had went full power and just shoved her tongue down Applejack’s throat! Spike’s chest grew warm with dragon fire.

“My word...” Spike stood up and picked up the jar. On a second observation, he noticed he had spontaneously grown a few inches, somewhat resembling his teenage form. He lifted the half-empty jar to his eyes. “This peanut butter can conquer any prankster. And…” He noticed through the glass that Rainbow Dash and Applejack tried to pull their muzzles apart, but the peanut butter effectively glued them together. A few nearby ponies snickered and watched the two tongue-wrestling ponies shimmy away in embarrassment, no doubt inspiring rumors about getting a room together.

“This peanut butter can... CREATE MEN!” Spike roared to the heavens, thrusting the jar upward. His dragon’s roar echoed throughout Ponyville, forcing birds to fly into the sky and shaking every pony and home to its core.

He looked down and saw Rarity’s Boutique down the street. He looked back at the jar. Back to Rarity’s. The jar. Rarity’s. Spike had no hesitation on what to do next. He was ready.

“Look out Rarity…” Spike muttered to himself, licking his razor sharp teeth. “I’m in the mood for some diamonds…”

Spike clasped his hands together and rubbed them in preparation for what was to come. Spike looked into the front window of Carousel Boutique and scrutinized his reflection. “Alright, scales are all polished up. Crests are slicked back…” Spike gave himself an approving nod and a smile. “Spike, my dragon, you are one fine gentledrake.” He chuckled as he walked over to the front door and knocked.

“It’s open!” a feminine voice called from inside.

Spike pushed open the door and stepped inside. Immediately, he was greeted by a scene of pure chaos. Mannequins were scattered about, pieces of fabric lay scattered about, and bolts of cloth were thrown into a pile towards the side of the room.

“Hey, Rarity. Organized chaos again?” Spike chuckled as Rarity rounded the corner, her mane frazzled and her scarlet designing glasses adorned on her face. He liked her glasses. She hardly worn them, but they had a charm to them. A shame. She was beautiful regardless.

“Spike? Is that you?” Rarity squinted as she stepped further into the room. She stepped carefully over several discarded dresses that had been deemed unworthy to be sold. “Sorry about the mess, darling. I’ve been working on dresses for a very important client for the last few days. I just finished and I haven’t had the chance to clean the place up yet.”

Rarity frowned as she looked around. Her attention turned back to Spike, how was now slightly taller than her. “Spike, did you get… taller?” She backed away a few inches; fear widened her eyes. “You aren’t getting greedy again, a-are you?”

Spike chuckled and shook his head. “Of course not! On the contrary, I am here to share.” He held out the half-empty jar toward her and gave it a tentative shake. “For you, my sweet Rarity.”

Her eyes flicked over his body, passing over his new developed muscles. He looked older. He looked handsome. If only she wasn’t some old spinster in comparison...

“Oh ho ho, Spikey-wikey!” Rarity giggled as she began to advance. Her sapphic magic grabbed ahold of the spoon and scooped some peanut butter. “You’re much too kind, much too kind to repay.” She sniffed the spoon, drinking in the heavenly scent. “Much too kind. If only there was a way I could repay sheer kindness…” Her voice took a saddened tone.

Spike smiled, seeing his chance. He ran a hand through his spines to calm his nerves. “Uh, there is, Rarity.”

She looked up in surprise. “Really Spike? Is there something you need? Rubies? Sapphires? I even have the most fabulous diamonds for my favorite gentledrake!” A fond smile touched upon her lips.

“Well, sort of…” Spike traced a circle with his foot’s claw. “I’m interested in some diamonds. Six, in fact. But there’s no way you’d ever give them to me…”

Rarity shook her head. “No, Spike. After all you’ve done from moi, any gem of mine is yours.”

Spike hid a developing grin under his hand, feigning shyness. “A-any gem?”

“Any gem.”

“I’d like that…” Spike leaned down and placed a claw on the spoon. Rarity watched, compliant, as he pushed it up to her lips. She licked her lips and engulfed the spoon, eating the peanut butter.

Spike waited a few minutes for the initial shock for Rarity to wear off. He didn’t gain any amusement from watching her suffer. Much.

“Well, I’m certainly surprised at your ‘allergic’ reaction, Rarity.” Spike whistled, hands on his hips as he walked past Rarity. The distressed mare had stopped choking and was focusing on breathing through her nose. “It’s a shame, really. I guess I’ll have to find my diamonds by myself. I wouldn’t be much of a gentledrake if I had a sickly mare do it.”

Rarity shuddered for some inexplicable reason. Spike’s voice had a silky, confident air to it. He was much too young to have invoked certain thoughts in her! “Spk, tu tud lv!”

“Shh…” Spike hushed her, completely behind her. His claw lightly touched her tail. “You’re very sick, and only Spikey-Wikey can take care of you. After all, we wouldn’t want my-”

Smack!

Rarity yelped as she felt his hands smack upon her flanks, claws grasping her plot with a delicate grasp. It felt nice, but she was too shocked to feel it.

“-six diamonds to hurt themselves, would we?”

Rarity gulped, an alien emotion blooming in her chest. She was a lady of her word, and her days were about to change. Sighing, she stepped forward out of his grasp and turned around.

Spike’s heart stopped. Her eyes were squinted and her horn was fiercely glowing. Spike rubbed the back of his head and backed away. He forgot about unicorn magic. He forgot somepony might actually get revenge. He forgot that when Rarity is pissed, she rivals Twilight in sheer power (Not skill, but no matter. A pissed unicorn is a pissed unicorn.).

Something wrapped around his wrists. Looking down, he saw ribbons slithering over his arms. With a flash of light, he was pulled back onto the wall of shelved fabrics and pinned. Rarity trotted up to him as his breathing elevated and sweat poured down his scales.

“Spk-Wky, tuv bn a bd boi.” She reared up and placed her front hooves on his shoulders. Spike was naturally resistant to the magmic forces of Equestria itself, but his scales felt like they were going to burn off. “Nw cm gt tu dimunds.”

“Oh Celes-”

Her lips tasted like diamonds, not surprisingly.

Spike walked out of the Boutique, wiping off the sweat and water with a towel. He had the decency to shower afterwards, but he still had to hurry home. The peanut butter jar was nearly empty, and he needed to find shelter before a vengeful pony found him defenseless.

“Well…” Spike muttered to himself as he started a light jog. His new size had boosted his stamina substantially, as Rarity was more than eager to discover. “Twilight is going to love this rockin’ new bod.” It brought a slight blush to his cheeks, but no matter. Spike was a man dragon now, not a baby. Let her swoon.

On his way to the library he slowed into a stop near an alley. Applejack was on top of Rainbow Dash, Rainbow’s back against the wall, pushing against her friend’s cyan forelegs with her own hooves as they sat on the ground. Their muzzles were still attached and cheeks were bright red as they repeatedly pushed and pulled together. Their tongues wrestled, attempting to loosen but only pushing against their cheeks. Despite having the knowledge of their current dilemma, Spike gulped and spontaneously grew another inch.

Giving his friends their privacy, Spike continued his walk home. A few mares whistled as they walked past, noticing his newly toned body and groomed scales. A light blush turned his scales pink. Eventually Sugarcube Corner came into sight. Curiosity overtaking him, he stopped at the scene of his crime.

Fluttershy was at the back of the crowd, trying to peer over the heads of multiple ponies unsuccessfully. Her bouncing and fluttering about was proven fruitless by the oblivious pegasi and ponies crowding around. Spike shrugged and walked up to the mare, tapping her shoulder.

“Eep! Oh,” Fluttershy spun around. “Hello Spike. Are you here for Pinkie Pie?”

Spike forced himself to keep a poker face. “Uh, yeah… Where is she?”

“Oh, something terrible must have happened. Somepony broke into Cupcake Corner and ate all the pastries, and now Pinkie Pie is in the hospital out of grief. Police ponies are just looking over the crime scene.”

Spike gulped, hugging the jar to his side. Fluttershy tilted her head and lowered her gaze.

“What’s that?”

“Uh…” Spike held it in front of him. If the pony police asked her about any brown butter… No. She must remain silent! “It’s, um, very delicious food!”

“Oh!” Fluttershy said, a small hungry glimmer in her eyes. Her front hoof shifted forward. “May I have some?”

A smile formed, barely hiding his devious intentions. “Sure…” He took the spoon and took a generous amount and returned his smile to Fluttershy. She smiled back, happy to see her friend sharing.

Something in him wavered. Fluttershy subconsciously flicked her pink tail while waiting.

His heart’s beating picked up as she flipped her mane to reveal her other blue eye, meeting him eye to eye.

She closed her eyes and tilted her head, causing his knees to shake.

His heart and breathing stopped when she opened her mouth and waited for him to spoonfeed her.

Dammit, she’s so Celestia-damned cute! Spike thought bitterly as he put the spoon back in the jar. “Sorry Fluttershy, I forgot something.”

“What is it, Spike?” Fluttershy opened her eyes in concern, slowly blinking them. The dragon inside Spike roared in demand. Spike quelled his instincts to answer.

“I forgot something. This is a dragon only batch, gems and all. Sorry, I wish I could share but-”

“Oh no no,” Fluttershy shook her head in dismissal. “That’s okay, I wasn’t very hungry anyway. I hope you enjoy it, Spike!” She took off the ground and flew past, stopping to hug the blushing dragon. For some inexplicable reason, she pecked his cheek and dashed away; Spike was flushed after her outburst.

“Whoa…” Spike looked down at the peanut butter in amazement. The pony cops and crowd dispersed as he stared at this jar in awe, until only he was left. “This jar… has taught me many things today.”

“But not enough, dearest Spike,” a voice called from the settling darkness. Spike spun around and held out the spoon threateningly. The voice chuckled as a white mare walked into the moonlight. “I think you will find that maneuver ineffective around somepony as old as I, Spike.”

“Someone’s in trouble…” Discord commented as he played with his yoyo, leaning on the bakery’s wall. Spike stuck his tongue out.

“Spike, I am very disappointed in you.” Celestia shook her head as her ethereal mane waved in an invisible wind. “What I sent you was unimaginable power; power nopony has ever wielded before. Power that rivals Discord’s himself, and you’ve abused it. I’m sorry Spike, but I must strip you from that very power.”

“You gone and done it boy,” Discord muttered. Spike switched his gaze back and forth between the two powerful beings. Sighing, he slumped his shoulders in defeat.

“Okay, you can have it.” Spike held out the jar with one shaking claw. Celestia gave him a proud smile and stepped forward to take the jar from him.

“I’m proud you, though. Realizing the error of your ways and surrendering such corruptible power. You’ve learned much from Twilight and her friends, and that makes me proud both as a mentor a pare-” Celestia shut her muzzle as her eyes flicked up and down, taking in the sight of the now-grown dragon. A light blush painted her cheeks. “You’ve learned much since you were a baby dragon, but you’re certainly not a baby anymore, Spike. I’m proud of you.”

She leaned forward and opened her mouth to take the jar.

His smile snapped back into place as he shouted, “I HOPE YOU ENJOY THE TASTE!” With his other claw, he shoved the spoon into the muzzle of the wide-eyed alicorn.

“Spke? Wah?” Celestia mumbled as her coat slowly turned red and puffed out. With hardly a gasp or struggle, she dropped unconscious. Spike stared at her body in shock; Discord merely walked up next to him.

“Peanut allergy?” Spike asked, not moving his eyes from his twitching surrogate mother.

“Eeyup.”

Spike continued to stare.

“Want to take over Equestria with me?”

“Eeyup.”

“We should probably get her to the hospital first.”

“Eeyup?”

“Do you want to wake up at six in the morning to raise it each day?”

“... Nope.”

“Good. Dibs on Rarity.”

“Hm…” Discord tapped his chin in thought. “I call dibs on the farmer. She’s kind of hot. For a pony. Er… You know what I mean.”

“Hey. Hey! Discord! Get your lazy butt up! It’s time to raise the sun.”

Discord raised a claw to his face groggily and tried to rub the sleep from his eyes. He shook his head and looked around him, seeing that it was still decently dark outside. He licked his finger and stuck it in the air, tapping his chin in thought. “Spike. What have I told you about waking me up at six in the morning? Why don’t you just go get Celestia to do it again? She always does it.” Discord waved his paw dismissively and tried to readjust himself in his fancy, king sized bed.

“Well, I would, but she’s still asleep. I mean, I don’t want to be a jerk, you know?” Spike leaned against the doorway as Discord rolled his eyes. Literally. “Come on, dude. Just do it once. It’s not like you’re gonna be able to get back to sleep anyway with me here. We’re kings now, dude! We gotta do some kingly stuff every now and then.”

“Ugh… Fine.” Discord got up from his bed and snapped his fingers twice, causing the moon to move below the horizon and the sun to rise. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll be getting breakfast.” Discord snapped his fingers once again and a megaphone appeared in his claws.

“Ahem. Testing. Testing! Rainbow, would you be kind enough to get me some toast and eggs? I’m quite famished, and I know you’re around the corner eavesdropping again. Fetch us Applejack and Rarity as well, if you’d be so kind.”

Rainbow Dash, disgruntled about her reveal, stepped out from her hiding spot and bowed to the kings. Her face was no longer cyan; her coat was a near permanent shade of red due to her embarrassment. Smug, Spike called her out and asked, “What’s with the long face, Rainbow Dash?”

“Ah hte tis costme…” Rainbow turned around, flicking her rainbow tail and inadvertently raising the frilly skirt of her maid outfit. Spike whistled as he got a good view of her tight fishnets hugging her lean legs. Rainbow grunted and took off, dashing out from the balcony. Spike knew she didn’t take too much offense, considering she’d call him stupid and a myriad of other insults after suggesting they spend the night together.

“Talk about tsundere, eh?” Discord conjured a few grapes and began plucking them from their stalk to eat. Spike shook his head, not understanding the term.

The chamber door opened as mares trotted in. Spike and Discord raised their eyebrows.

“Somepony wants a raise…” they muttered as the group of mares gleefully began their duties. Rainbow Dash, as always, went above the call of duty.

Twilight and Applejack, dressed in a revealing teacher and cowgirl outfit, respectively, began to rub hot oil onto Discord’s chest. He moaned in delight and sighed, resting his head on his hands and leaning back on his large fluffy bed. The two mares giggled and continued to rub larger circles, competing to see who could please the king more.

Rarity, Fluttershy, and surprisingly Redheart (for some inexplicable reason, she had actually volunteered for the position), massaged Spike’s bulging muscles as he lied on a conjured couch. Each wore their own version of a nurse’s outfit, complete with pink socks and their manes in buns. Spike lazily opened an eye, tracing their cutie marks with his eyes and examining their curves as they leaned down to reach his other side. They could easily reach over the couch, but they loved him to watch them stretch to get every knook and cranny.

Celestia, from Spike’s peripherals, was currently using magic and a comb to groom Discord’s beard. A gold ring reflected off her horn, reminding everypony of her union with the new king. No longer was she a princess, but a queen. A queen in a scarlet showmare’s outfit, but a queen nonetheless.

Spike sighed and closed his eyes. Everypony was smiling. Life was good. It was good to be king.