Out of the Frying Pan and Into the Fire

by JoeBobWhitney

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Crossover, Human, Slice of Life, Dark, Alternate Universe
Length: 4088

Ghost was a loyal soldier. He did his job with competence and intelligence. He mocked death for long until he finally was killed by his own General. Now, he was sent to Equestria. Oh bloody hell.

WARNING: THIS STORY IS CANCELLED, SORRY.

Ghost was a loyal, no-questions asked soldier. He did his job with competence and intelligence. His marksmanship was quite possibly the greatest thing since Sgt. Roach. He stared at the face of death many times and laughed. However, one fateful day in Russia cost him his life. The one to kill him was the most trusted person in the army. General Shepherd. Thrown into a ditch and burned, he watched as General murdered his friend and him together. But now, he has a new job. In a new world so unlike his own, he will brought to the edges of his sanity. Maybe.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-11-25 03:58:41 UTC

Act I-I: Fire

Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired, signifies in the final sense a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed...

Dwight D. Eisenhower

      War is not a pretty thing, that's obvious. It is a very touchy and sensitive subject for veterans of time as the war ravaged their friends and even family. When you are staring death in the face, you suck up your fear and spit in his face to laugh. When you do service, you are bound by death as you fight for your life in the midst of blood-shed. When you do, you leave no man behind. Lieutenant Simon "Ghost" Riley knew this damn well. When your closest friend was bleeding and dying in your grasp as you pull him down a large hill, your instincts kick in as your friend's blood stains your hands.

    "Hang on, Roach! We're almost there!" Ghost assured the dying man he was pulling. He heard no response, just the beats of his heart pounding against his chest. He picked up the pace and sped up, trying to get away from their attackers. Bullets flew by Ghost's head, blazing past so close to him. As he neared the LZ, a oh-so large familiar tan-colored helicopter landed. One person opened the door and walked out, General Shepherd.

   Ghost was ecstatic to see the General come for him after all this. The General lightly hunched over and shielded his face from the dust as Ghost stopped by the chopper and picked up the, same he was pulling, to him. Pulling his arm over his shoulder, Ghost limped forward with Roach in his grip.

"Did you get the DSM?" He asked.

"We got it, sir!" Ghost replied happily.

"Good... That's one less loose end." At that very moment, the General removed his 44. Magnum from it's holster and fired one round into Roach's stomach, sending him to the ground as Ghost removed his grip from him. Simon tried to retaliate by firing but Shepherd fired a round into his throat, puncturing the jugular, rendering Ghost useless as he bled out. Simon tried to make coherent words but all he did was garble up blood as he slowly closed his eyes to let Death take him away.

Simon felt cold then warmth. A blizzard then an inferno. A hurricane  then drizzling rain. He felt wind brush against him as he floated in eternal darkness. At that moment, he felt like wind was pushing him through something. It was soft but thick like a blanket. At last, he felt ground underneath him. Soft blades of grass brushed against him as bugs buzzed about, flying next to him like pests. Feeling the ground underneath him, he opened his eyes. As he did, the sun bright rays hit his eyes and he instantly closed them in shock and pain.

"Dammit." He groaned. This time, he cautiously opened his eyes, letting the sun slowly fill his vision. Seeing a bright blue sky way above him, he sat up. His body protested the quick movement but he did not care a single fucking bit. His head darted left and right, only seeing blades of grass for miles. Wearily, he stood completely up and his spine ached as did his neck. He cracked his back and ignored the stinging feeling on his neck. Looking around once more, he noticed a gray object laying in the grass about six feet away. Stepping over to it, it was his gun. ACR. A combat rifle and the last thing he was holding as he fought well. He picked it up to be surprised about the weight in the firearm.

   "I thought this thing was near empty when I met with Shepherd after helping... Roach." He began calling out for the man but found no reaction to his cries. "Roach! Roach. Dammit, Roach..." He sighed sadly and heaved the gun on his back. Looking around one more time, he looked for a sort of town. One thing. A village. Ignoring the fact that this was a real village, he began the short trek to it, somewhat eager to see what awaits him in this type of limbo. He also put on his glasses, as they were in his coat pocket somehow.

  He didn't rush or speed up at all during the trip. He simply walked and took in the sights as they passed him by. The air was crisp and clean unlike Earth's. There was not a single sight of human technology anywhere. All these bugs would be less exotic like flies but there is dragonflies around the ponds, love-bugs and beetles everywhere. Even the small thing of bees was there. It was like Heaven, as they say. He had never seen a more beautiful sight in his entire existence than... this.

  "Is this Heaven?" He asked to himself. "Why would I keep my guns if it was? That doesn't make any bloody sense. Also, why is it so god damn hot?" He looked up at the sky, visibly noticing the sun's... change. It was VERY bright, almost blinding Ghost if he hadn't been wearing the dark glasses, covering his eyes from the damage of the rays. "Fuck, this fire-proof jacket's coming off." Unzipping the thick, gray coat, he placed it on the thick tree stump he found. There was a downside to taking it off however, less protection around his arms. All he had a basic green guacamole shirt under that was protected by a black Ballistic Vest with the United Kingdom flag stitched around the breast area. "Whatever, fuck that sun." He kept walking, no longer sweating as much.

  The walk paid off as he arrived to town shortly. It smelled of hay, fresh produce and other scents. Funny thing was, Ghost, was starving. Maybe, he could get some food after he questioned how he got hungry in "heaven". Continuing in the town, he noticed one teeny, tiny fact about this place. It was filled lots of damn horses. Lots. All of them were a fucking color of the rainbow. And every single damn one had both their eyes on Ghost. Except one loopy-looking gray one that had wings. She had really derpy eyes.

"Fucking horses. Fucking horses?" He questioned this reality internally. Inhaling deeply and exhaling, he contained his sanity. For now. He began walking through the town, ignoring the tiny colorful horses. Walking up to one, he bent down and stared it in the eyes. The horse just shuddered and dared to stare back at what it thought was a monster. Or demon from Tartaurus. The whole skull mask thing was actually terrifying to them. "Boo." Gone. The horse was gone. It went so fast that a cloud shaped like it stood there. Then, the cloud ran away. Ghost then began to question his existence as he took off his glasses dramatically.

"WHAT THE FUCK?" He screamed to the sky. Then, he was blinded. Growling as he rubbed his eyes, he put them back on and looked towards the sun again. "Another thing, FUCK YOU SUN!" Gasps. Gasps everywhere. "The fuck? Did you all just gasp? How the FUCK do horses gasp?" Something blue flew right in his face and stared.

"Who you callin' horses, ya monkey?" It was blue, pissed off and talking. Fucking fantastic.

"Monkey? Toots, kiss your ass goodbye, because I'm about to fucking end you." Ghost hissed.

"You think you're scary, big guy?" She replied.

"I don't fucking need to be." Ghost headbutted the horse who was flying, sending her backwards. "I can you fight you without fear, bitch!" He reared his arm back and then nailed her in the jaw and then kicked her away, sending her to the ground.

"Lucky shot." She retorted. Slam! The pony rammed into him, most likely cracking a few bones of his ribcage. He almost fell over as he coughed up blood.

"Fuck, you can hit hard." He exclaimed.

"You're not bad yourself. But, I'm faster." She flew up to turn around and try and buck him. He, however, dodged and grabber her tail. She clenched up at touch as he swung her around and threw her, hitting a vegetable cart, knocking over the produce, banging her up a tad.

"Bitch! I'll fucking destroy you! I've been in the military for four years! I know every fucking trick in the book! I'll rip your skull through your fucking nostrils!" He roared, cracking his neck. "Get back up! I'm not done with you!" As he yelled, she came flying at the soldier, hoof ready to swing. She swung forward but Simon simply grabbed it, ignoring the force that came after contact. And he didn't fucking let go of that hoof as his grip tightened, straining the muscle of the appendage. She swung her left but he caught that one and they were locked in a clutch. "I. Will. End. You." Pulling her body forward, he headbutted her again and punched her in the jaw, again, and finally, kicked her in the chest, damaging her right wing. Or her good one, to say. He exhaled deeply as stepped back as she tried to pull herself up but failed.

He began to walk away but was stopped as he heard hoofsteps behind him and lots of gasps, following shortly. "Back for more?"

"Oh no, my dear. I just overheard your insult to my beautiful star." Confused, he turned around and saw something quite scary. A tall bright white pony with the craziest fucking hair. Bright blue and indigo flames were her hair. Her brilliant magenta eyes with her snake-like pupil just oozed hate and... power.   Or it could be the roman golden armor, covering her body. "I must say, beating up a Element of Harmony is a feat itself but actually beating up the most resilient is even better. Human are just absolutely lovely creatures, aren't they?" Just staring at her made her Ghost a little on edge. She began slowly circling the man and observing him, looking up and down.

"Who the hell are you?"

"My my, aren't we the feisty one? I once went by Princess Celestia but you can just call me Corona." She chuckled lightly at her name.

"Well, Corona, thanks for compliment but all I'm looking for is home. But then, that fucking blue horse attacked me so I took care of her. Wait, how do you know about humans? I have yet to see a single one."

"My knowledge extends past the stars... actually, I never got your name."

"Ghost."

"Mysterious... I like it. As I said, I know much more than one pony can imagine. One big brain with so much power at her hooves. It's a sensational feeling, Ghost. All it takes is one order and a pony is exiled or... killed." She simply chuckled at the thought. "I've seen your world for thousands of years. Your race is so destructive, so... evil. It fills me with joy, knowing that, somewhere, there is creatures out there, like that. Now, I'm staring at one who utterly crushed the might of an Element." She exclaimed.

"Well, it wasn't too hard. Just a few punches and kicks. Tell me, is there a way for me to get home?" Ghost asked.

"Of course, sending you back would perfect if it weren't for the blockade on my magic, disallowing me to use it for spells. That is where you come in, Ghost, help me. If you do, I'll send you home and you can forget about this world. What do you say?"

GOOD: Don't help her?

OR...

*EVIL: Help her.*

Act 1-2: Goddess? Fuck.

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.

Helen Keller

     "You know what, Corona, fuck you." He responded. She was stunned at this pathetic creature's audacity . "I don't want a single goddamn thing to do with you. All the fuck I want is to go home and NOT get involved with crazy shit like this."

"Well, I respect your choice but; insolence won't be tolerated. Prepare to be incinerated. Here I was hoping that I'd get somepony to help but not even you would. Oh well." Her horn flared to life, bathing her entire body in a heavenly but scorching heat that made Ghost back up to avoid burns. "Run, my little human, run." Taking her great advice, he turned the hell around and fucking ran. She chased after him in a vicious pursuit.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" Corona fired continuous bursts of white fire at him, aiming to roast the insolent insect that he was. "Fuck - you - bitch! Fuck, my foot!" One nice flame got his boot, almost burning off the leather on it. "Oi, piss off!"

"You are quite fast for a monkey, Ghost. But, I'm faster." Fulling expanding her wings, she dived at him like a eagle aiming for a fish. But, Ghost had a plan. "Take this, bitch!" He turned around and fired a singular shot from his ACR, just clipping her right wing bringing her to land. Her face was of utter surprise when she stared at the man holding the gray... thing. "What is that?"

"A weapon. It can hurt. Now, back the fuck off."

"How much can you fire at me, ape? After all, it must end sometime, right?"

"Thirty. That's enough to go right through you. See this thing, propels a small piece of metal at intense speeds, created and intended to kill. It serves the job fantastically. Now again, back the fuck off."

"Thirty?" She simply clicked her tongue and flew upwards faster than he thought she could go. "I will finish this, Ghost.

Now." Then, she dived a lot faster than possibly imaginable for her size.

"Oh fuck." He knew he couldn't take aim when she was going so fast. So after, curiosity's sake, he checked in a small pouch around his belt and found it. Reaching in, he removed a small olive green orb from the pack. "This is going to be very fucking risky." Looking at the approaching white figure, he removed the pin from the grenade and waited. And... now. Throwing the M9 at her, he ducked as it hit her face, surprising her and then... BOOM! It exploded, sending her to the ground. on. "Take that, ya cunt!" He laughed at his risky, but successful move. Unfortunately, he heard her get up. "Bollocks."

"That... I didn't expect. Ranged combat. I must say, a smart move on your part, soldier." She simply chuckled maliciously.

"Well, you gotta take risks. I just took one there. Damn, you took that easily, though." He was disappointed to not see any marks on her body. Not. A. Single. One.

"Well, being a immortal goddess does that." His face just fucking went from disappoint to utter... well... Let's just say, he was not expecting that.

"What."

"Oh yes. I am eternal as I never age and a goddess. I AM an alicorn, after all." It was her turn to laugh and his turn to be surprised. Oh yeah, kinda scared too. And by that, he was freaking the fuck out on the inside. Well, fuck me sideways. If she can take a bloody grenade, how many bullets will it take to actually hurt her? I mean, clipping her wing was easy. That's a weaker point but... still. Gritting his teeth in frustration, he began trying to plot out a plan. Heh, plot. If I can do some damage to her, I know she can bleed. Anything that bleeds can damn well die. But, how?

"Are you done thinking over there? I would like to get back to more important things, Ghost."

"Ready." Mentally preparing himself, he cracked his neck and readied. She smiled and lit herself up again, cloaking her in an aura of fire. There we go, she'll rely on that. Let's make use of that fault, shall we? Flying upwards right into the direction the sun, she the dived. Ghost thought ahead and already had a grenade in his hand. As she neared, he pulled the spoon and threw it. She noticed this and swerved but didn't expect Ghost SHOOTING the grenade. BOOM! All Corona heard was ringing in her ears as she was thrown into the ground.

"Fuck. You. Now, I'm going to end this." Putting the end of the barrel of ACR to her head, his finger was squeezing the trigger, damn ready to fire until... WHAM! He was hit by something. A small rock. "The hell?" He looked up and saw six horses running towards them. "Oh shit, I think the Rainbow one called her friends. Damn." He groaned as he saw the same blue one was in the group.

"Finally." He heard another horse voice speak right behind him. Turning around as he clenched up, he saw a midnight blue mare with an horn and wings standing there, wearing dark regalia. "Thank you, Ghost. We'll handle it from here." Ghost just backed away, holding his hands up like, "okay, your problem, then". "Sister, get up." She groaned and pulled herself up to look at her.

"Look's who here. My precious sister, Luna. Oh, the Elements are here, too. What a reunion." She taunted them. "What brings you here?"

"You. It's time we bring back the other ruler of Equestria. This has gone on for far too long."

"Has it? I thought I could have some more fun, Lulu." She laughed.

"Not anymore, 'Tia." Luna's horn flared to life. Ghost then noticed that the other horses were putting on some sort of necklaces except the purple one. She was a fucking special snowflake so she got a tiara. Magic began to fill the area and Ghost backed off. The horses wearing the necklaces and the one wearing the tiara began to float in the air while Luna put a blue barrier around Corona. Then, purple opened her eyes and they were pitch white. No iris, no pupil, nothing.

"Well, that odd, I mean- HOLY SHIT." A giant rainbow beam appeared from them, raining down on Corona. As the rainbow was being... well... poured onto her, screams of... pain.. were heard. "The fuck are you doing to her?"

"Purging her of the evil inside her, Ghost." Luna stated. Then, BOOM! , once more. Everyone was blinded except Ghost who actually covered his eyes after seeing the buildup of light.

"What the hell?" He squinted his eyes and saw one thing. Her. Standing perfectly fine. "No. Wait, she's... different." No longer was her mane bright blue flames but instead it was a long multicolored mane waving in the ethereal wind. Her armor was no longer there as that was shattered, leaving pieces of it on the ground. "Oh."

"Sister?" Luna asked, after regaining her sight.

"Lulu?"

"Tia?" Hugs. Great, big hugs. The two sisters were locked in an embrace that they never feel again. "I've missed you for so long."

"So have I." Now, tears.

"Fuck, I'm losing enough masculinity. Bye!" Ghost turned around and began walking away but was stopped as he bumped into a light yellow shield. "What do you want now?"

"Ghost, if you weren't for you fully distracting Corona, we would of not been able to stop her."

"And... you think I care? I was fine with helping but there is absolutely no need to thank me. All I want is to go home. Where I belong." He exclaimed.

"I think I can help you out with that, Ghost." Tia stated.

"How?"

"By sending you back. But, there is a problem to this fix."

"What?"

"I require the needed magic for the spell. Due to the size of the travel between Equestria and your home-world, which I assume is far to note, would need a large amount of concentrated magic I cannot muster at one time or suffer magic fatigue. So, I would need to gradually build up a reservoir. This would take time. I would estimate three months at least."

"Shit. Well, I- fuck it, that's fine, I guess." He sighed and crossed his arms. "Also, who are they?" Ghost pointed to the six mares standing there, wearing the jewelry.

"Those are the Elements of Harmony users. Twilight Sparkle, my student. Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy."

"Okay. And... who the other guy behind you two?" Looking to the other in confusion first, the two sisters then turned around and saw the most painful sight to see. Discord.

"Bravo. I must say, helping Princess Celestia back to her original state was an excellent show, indeed."

"Discord. What now?"

"Oh nothing, I just came to say 'hello' to our guest from a far away world. I mean, come on, you think I'd pass up an opportunity like this? Ghost is filled with such unbridled rage and power! I could feel the chaos oozing from his body as he utterly defeated Rainbow Dash in a tiny brawl alone!!"

"Your the one that did that?" Twilight took a step forward Ghost as he backed up.

"Yup. Hey, Corona sa- oh wait. She's gone. Fuck. Help me out here."

"I admit, fighting Rainbow Dash, was a ill-advised idea but he didn't know of anypony until anything was explained to him. To his eyes, you were hostile, Rainbow, and he responded to only way he could. Self-defense." Tia explained.

"Thank you. Now, Rainbow, when everything is said and done, we can have a rematch." Ghost stated.

"You're on." RD smirked at the challenge.

"Now, where the hell am I staying if I'm going to be stuck here?"

"At Canterlot. I'm afraid after today, I cannot allow you to walk around alone. It would attract unwanted attention and nopony would want that."

"Oh yes, we are going to have so much fun, Ghost." Discord rubbed his hands together, comically.

"I don't like that smile. Keeping one eye open when I sleep, Discord." Ghost exclaimed. "Also, I can do that. You'd be surprised how much I had to do that in the military. It got monotonous after a while. So, when are we going?"

"Now, actually. I'm sad to say that we must return. I need to revitalize my reputation as a princess and Equestria needs to know that Princess Celestia is back after so long. Farewell, now." The two princesses began to fly away and Discord grabbed Ghost and took to the air, as well.

"Oh, don't you fucking drop me. I have a Semtex here, ready to stick to you if you drop me, Discord!"

"Oh, don't be silly, I wouldn't dare of dropping you. I like you too much to do so."

"Again, keeping one eye open tonight."

"So, how did this even happen, Luna? Celestia seems too nice for this to happen." Ghost asked the midnight alicorn. She sighed sadly and took a seat close.

"It all began after Princess Twilight's coronation. After feeling a rush of sudden anxiety and fear afterwards, she began researching on something. When she did not find what she was looking for, she pushed even deeper. She headed into the Royal Archives, still searching for the answer. After finding one of Discord's old spells, she casted it, expecting the answer she was looking for. It unlocked a locked region of the Archives, known as the Cavern of Truth. She went too far into the cave and she saw what she feared most. That, transformed her into Corona. A dark form of herself. But, unlike Nightmare Moon, that was a spell not a alter-ego. Thus, the evil has purged from her. Forever." She explained.

"Sounds... dark."

"Very. Whenever I ask Discord about it, his face become flat and serious like none other. He only says that they are the 'truth' and only those 'destined' can handle it." Ghost snickered.

"So, Celestia wanted the truth... but she couldn't handle it?"

"Yes. What's so funny?"

"Oh nothing. Don't worry, I'm not laughing at her, I'm laughing at something else."

"Well, I'll leave you to your sleep."

"Thanks. Oh, and Luna." She stopped and turned her head. "I'm sorry." She nodded slightly and walked out of the room, closing the door behind her.

"Well, I... sleepy-time, I guess." He unzipped his vest, removed that and his shirt and laid down. He fell asleep, moments later after letting his mind wonder for a bit.