The Hitchhikers Guide to Friendship (ON HIATUS)by DarkWingChaptersPrologueChapter 1Chapter 2Chapter 3Chapter 5Chapter 6Chapter 4Prologue*IF YOU HAVE NOT READ THE HITCHHIKERS GUIDE TO THE GALAXY SERIES I WOULD SUGGEST DOING SO BEFORE READING THIS. IT WILL USE QUOTES AND REFERENCES TO ALL OF THE SERIES AND NOT JUST THE MOVIE! MANY A SPOILERS WILL BE GIVEN. _____________________________________________________________________________ Space... is big. Really big. You just won't believe how vastly hugely mindbogglingly big it is... Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy Author. "What?" Screamed Zaphod Beeblebrox, after hearing the ultimate question. "How in gods name is that the ultimate question? It makes no sense." "Nothing we've done has made any sense ever." Ford Prefect shrugged. "It only makes sense that we continue this nonsensical streak." "Nobody is going to give us money for THAT. We'll be the laughing stock of not only our universe," Zaphod yelled. "but all of them." "Why?" Asked Arthur Dent, the man who held the answer to the question of 'What is the ultimate question'. The answer to the question was simply the number forty-two. But nobody understood the answer. Not even the giant computer that calculated the ultimate answer knew. "It's not our fault that this is the question, as simple as it is." "Six by nine? How could THAT be the ultimate question?" Zaphod yelled. "People have killed to find the question to the ultimate answer. And now that we know the question which has been answered." Marvin let out a deep, depressing groan. It was the kind of groan where it sounds a shiver down your spine and you think to yourself 'That groan is so depressing it's making me depressed'. "Does anybody want to know what I think?"Marvin asked. Ford, Trillian, Zaphod andArthur stared at the massive headed robot for an answer. After several second of silence someone finally asked. "Fine, what do you think Marvin?" Zaphod asked impatiently. "I think everything is just horrible." Marvin said, in a tone so depressing, it would make millions of adults fall to their knees and weep had they been their to witness it. Luckily all the people on the ship are either too stupid or too oblivious to be affected by Marvin. Most likely both. Zaphod hit Arthur on the back of the head. "What was that for?" Arthur asked. "What was what for?" Zaphod asked back to Arthur. "What was the reason for you hitting me?" Arthur told Zaphod. "Oh no reason." Zaphod replied. "I'm just annoyed, that's all." "That's a stupid reason." Arthur yelled. "Ah there's my reason. I hit you because you're stupid." Zaphod retorted. "Shut up." Trillian yelled. "Stop your idiotic bantering. Now we need to know, what comes next. We know the ultimate answer is forty two, and we know the ultimate question is what is six by nine. What do we do now?" "Want to know what I think?" Marvin said speaking again. "No!" Yelled Arthur, Ford, and Zaphod. Suddenly the ship started shaking wildly. "Sorry about that folks, seems like something is making me shake." Said the Heart of Gold. "How incredibly amazing. I would never have guessed." Arthur said getting up. "What was it." Zaphod asked, just to fall on to the ground after getting up, due to the ship shaking again. This isn't fun. thought Zaphod. What is happening thought Arthur. This is terribly depressing thought Marvin. "Well folks, it seems we are under attack by another ship." The ship chirped happily. "Should I see what they want?" "Yes." Screamed Zaphod, attempting to get up, but failing due to the increasing violence of the shaking. After several minutes of everyone stumbling to get up, Arthur decided to speak. "Maybe we should stay on the ground, you know, because we can't get up anyways?" Soon enough everybody gave up the notion of standing up, and after millions of nano seconds, the ship came back. "I have some good news and some bad news!" The ship said. "Which would you like to hear first." "Whats the bad news?" Zaphod yelled. "The kind people behind us decided that they want kill us." The ship said, slightly louder. Arthur just stared at the control panel of the ship. Arthur thought he was more or less making eye contact with the ship, when in reality he was mostly looking at the ships kidney. " Well then what's the good news?" Arthur asked, saying silent prayers to a god he rarely believes in. "You've all had fantastic lives!" The ship chirped, then soon the ship started making horribly loud beeping noises. "No I haven't! I've had a terrible life." Arthur screamed, trying to be audible over the increasing sound of the ships emergency alarm. "I'm sorry. I guess I only have bad news then." The ship said, trying to comfort Arthur. Not known to the ship, however, this made Arthur sick. Ford then jumped up and ran to the controls of the ship. He looked at the giant red button that read 'DO NOT PRESS'. He then glanced at the others on the ground, all of them with a worried expression on their face. "I'm going to press it." yelled Ford at the others. He then raised his hand in the air and slammed the button down as hard as he could. The ship started stretching in every which direction, in impossible angles and wonderful shapes. It always confused Arthur as to how being flattened never killed him. Then he thought to himself why doesn't it kill Zaphod? Soon the ship stopped. Soon after, that everything stopped and Arthur experienced a slight falling feeling. The ship broke through the atmosphere of the planet and started speeding towards the ground. Arthur opened his right eye to get a good look around. Everything in the ship is more bright than he remembers. He then has trouble getting his footing, and decides to crawl on all fours, due to being unable to stand on his two feet. He crawled to the side of the ship and looked out the window and proceeded to shield his eyes. Never in his entire life has he seen anything this bright and happy. In fact, it was so bright and happy that Arthur then proceeded to projectile vomit all over the window. After several seconds, Arthur wiped the bile off of his lips and looked at his hands. He then noticed that he no longer had hands. This made him throw up yet again. He then looked around to see the others, but he could not see them. There was just a couple of horses, much like ones back on earth, but all had vibrantly colored fur. Where is Trillian? Where is Ford? Please tell me Zaphod is dead! Arthur thought to himself, before flying into a wall. Chapter 1"What is that thing?" Twilight asked, looking at the unknown vessel which is implanted in the ground. "I'm telling you it's aliens!" Pinkie Pie said, hopping around the other ponies. "Pinkie dear, you know there's no such thing as aliens." Rarity said. A panel then exploded off of the back of the Heart and Gold, launching all the way into the atmosphere. the noise scared the girls and they all yelled, taking a few steps back. After 5 minutes of nothing happening, Rainbow Dash decided to take a closer look at the strange object. She flew around it a couple times and then something caught her eye. There was a window on the other side of the ship. "Hey guys come over her." Rainbow Dash said, rushing to the window. The other ponies ran to where Rainbow Dash was and they took a look inside. There was 5 ponies, all laying on the floor, the chamber inside quickly filling with smoke. "Ah reckon we best get them out of there." Applejack said, just to be followed by another explosion, this time it was inside. "And we best be doin' it fast." "I agree." Twilight said. "We have to find a way to get inside." All the girls shared a quick nod and started looking around. Pinkie Pie stayed by the window, glaring inside. She tilted her head to the side as one of the ponies was getting up. This one had a marking on his flank. It was a red button that read 'Don't Panic' and he was holding a towel in one hoof. She saw he was moving his mouth but she could hear nothing. "Arthur?" Ford asked, eyes closed. "Trillian? Zaph?" He finally opened his eyes after no one answered. He looked quickly from left to right, noticing everything in the ship was more vibrant and happy. He then looked at the ground and saw four ponies just laying there. He let out a small sigh. "I haven't been here in a while..." Ford coughed, now noticing the smoke everywhere. "Uh oh." He quickly started dragging all the ponies to the door of the Heart and Gold, after he did he tried to press the button to open it. It didn't work. "Why did it have to be this place?" Ford yelled, bucking at the door. The yell then woke everybody up and they all looked around and started coughing. "Damn, I haven't seen this much smoke since I last visited my friends house." Zaphod said weakly. "Was your friend a heavy smoker?" Trillian asked, eyes watering from the smoke. "No, he owed me some money so I burnt his house down." Zaphod said laughing. Nobody else found it funny. "Tough crowd." Zaphod muttered. "I think something is on fire." Arthur complained. "How very observant of you..." Ford said, still bucking the door. It was about to come loose, but not before a large explosion propelled the crew into the door, smashing it open, and shooting them out the side of the ship. The last time Zaphod felt this terrible was when he had a pan-galactic gargle blaster drinking contest with Ford. They all stumbled to get up, cuts and bruises all over their bodies. After many embarrassing efforts, they all finally manage to stand up. Trillian then shook her head and looked around. She got worried because all she could see were many ponies. "Ford? Arthur? Where are you guys?" Trillian asked. "Right here Trillian." Arthur replied. "Where?" Zaphod asked. "Behind that stupid looking horse?" "What? Maybe. I don't know." Arthur said. "Where are you?" "Right here." Zaphod asked. "That helps..." Arthur said, checking his ankle, which he believes to be broken. He then notices he is no longer in his old body. "Wait. I think I AM the stupid looking horse." Trillian, Zaphod and Martin then looked at their horse bodies. Then they looked at each other. Soon Arthur, Trillian and Zaphod find themselves to be screaming, and quite loudly at that. They know that when the Infinite Improbability Drive is hit, they will most likely change the they look, but usually it wears off after a couple of seconds. "Guys shut up." Ford said, rather loudly at that. Normally Ford would just let them scream at the top of their lungs to get it out of their systems, but the crew grew to realize that if Ford says to stay calm, nothing is wrong. However, in Martins mind, being a squishy, white pony was something he was not used to, which made him very depressed. After coming down they heard a sharp yell above them. "Guys they're over here!" Yelled Rainbow Dash, zooming towards them a mile a second. Great we've been found though Ford, somewhat pissed off. Soon, the crew find themselves surrounded by six ponies, all staring at them intently. "Uh, hello?" Arthur squeaked. "THE ALIENS CAN TALK!" Pinkie Pie screamed, trying to run away, only to be stopped by Applejack and Rarity. "Sorry about Pinkie, she usually greets people in a friendly manner. I'm not sure why he is acting this way." Twilight said. "Who are you ponies?" Looking at each other they decide it would be best to just go with the flow, after all, they're just ponies. "My name is Trillian, It's a... pleasure? To... meet you?" Trillian said, still feeling weak because of the explosion. "That's a nice name." Twilight said. That's an odd name Twilight thought. "My name is Arthur. Arthur Dent." Arthur said, raising his hoof for a hand shake, not really sure what to expect. "Pleasure t' meetcha Arthur." Applejack said, grabbing his hoof and shaking it violently. Oh god she's trying to kill me Arthur thought. "I'm Zaphod." Zaphod coughed. "Say, got any Pan-Galactic Gargle Blasters laying around?" "What's that?" Rarity asked. "Some kind of drink?" "Yeah. Probably the best drink ever." Zaphod replied, smiling lazily. He actually despises drinking it as it tastes awful. He also hates waking up with the worst hangover ever. "Well, maybe not the best." He finished, winking. "My name is Marvin. Not that anybody cares." Marvin said looking down. "I care." Fluttershy said, slowly walking up to Marvin. For the briefest of moments, Marvin felt a shiver go down his spine, and a smile on his lips. I hate this he thought to himself, quickly shaking the feeling as he finds it extremely uncomfortable. "And what's your name?" Rainbow Dash asked Ford, eyeballing his towel. Ford noticed what she was looking at, so he put it on his back. "My name is Prefect. Ford Prefect." "Your name sounds familiar. Where are you from?" Twilight asked. "I'm from Betelgeuse 5..." Ford said. "From a different galaxy." "I knew it! Run!" Pinkie Pie said, struggling to break free of Rarity and Applejacks grip. "A different planet?" Rainbow Dash snorted. "If you were from another planet, you would have some way of proving it." Right when Rainbow Dash finished her sentence, the Heart of Gold exploded into a great ball of fire. Everybody yelled and ran away from the explosion. After about five minutes of running they came to a slow halt. Gasping, Ford Prefect looked at Rainbow Dash. "I would have thought something crashing from outer space would have been enough proof..." Ford said with a forced smile. Rainbow Dash looked at the crater left by the weird object and gulped. "Yeah..." Rainbow Dash said, voice shaking. Chapter 2"No!" Zaphod yelled, running back to the Heart of Gold. "Do you know how much I paid for that thing?" Arthur stared at Zaphod as he made his way to the wreckage of the once beautiful ship. "I thought he stole it." Arthur said to Ford. "He did." Ford said, grabbing the guide to the galaxy. "He's just being over dramatic." "He stole it?" Fluttershy gasped. "Is he going to give it back?" Trillian looked over at Zaphod who was on his knees, ravaging through the metal bits in a panic, muttering something under his breath. "Something tells me that's now out of the question." Trillian said. "Say, why are you talking to us?" Arthur asked. "I mean, we just landed in a giant space ship and you guys don't seem to be that phased by it." Ford took the guide to the galaxy and went to page 345-876. It is a page that goes into heavy detail about Equestria and is filled with facts. This bothers him. It bothers him because not too long ago that page was a blank slate. "What's that book you have got there?" Twilight asked Ford, who had a dazzled look on his face. "Oh, it's nothing." Ford said, slamming it shut and throwing it in his towel. "Let's go check on Zaphod and make sure he isn't doing anything stupid." Trillian and Arthur looked at Ford. "Sorry." He said, correcting himself, walking towards Zaphod. "I meant more stupid than usual." "That's an odd way to talk about your friend." Rarity said. "He's not MY friend." Arthur said. "Then why are you with him if he's not your friend?" Rainbow Dash asked. Arthur never thought of this. He was sure there was a reason that he stayed, but with all the trauma he has received because of him he finds himself at a loss. "I don't know." Arthur said simply. "I found it!" Exclaimed Zaphod, holding something metallic in the air. "It made it out okay!" Zaphod was super excited. He thought that the one thing that has brought him this far was ruined and he would never feel truly at home again. "What is it?" Arthur asked. "Is it the Infinite Improbability Drive?" "No." Zaphod said, crying from laughing with excitement. "It's my flask!" Dear lord Arthur thought to himself. "Well, at least someone here seems to be happy." Twilight said. "Oh yes. That's great." Marvin muttered. "Now while everyone else is sitting around super depressed, the head of this strange crew will remain happy." "I'm not depressed." Said Pinkie Pie, finally relaxing. "In fact I'm quite happy. I get to meet new ponies, as weird as they seem to be. What is there to be depressed about?" "Please, for the love of everything good and ho-" Arthur started. "Well for starters just look at me." Marvin said, letting out a deep and depressing sigh. "Here I am, a robot, brain the size of a planet, stuck with this terribly depressing group of-" "What's a robot?" Asked Twilight. Marvin just stared at her. The only people he's found this blind were the group of aliens thats bodies were giant eyeballs. The ironic part of this being that their planet was so close to the sun that it burned out their giant retinas, thus making them blind. "I am a robot." Marvin said slowly. "You look like a regular pony to me." Rarity said. It then occured to Marvin that, while everyone has turned into equine, he never considered that he himself had turned into one. He walked up to a portion of the ship that was nearby and looked into it. He was a pure white stallion, with bright green eyes and a bright blue infinity symbol on his side. This is so happy it's making me depressed he thought to himself. "Well then." Zaphod said, taking a swig from his flask. "What's next onto the agenda?" They stared at each other in silence for several minutes. What were they going to do next? They had no spaceship. They have no Infinite Improbability Drive. They are colorful ponies with no opposable thumbs. They couldn't think of anything that could help their present situation. What if they are stuck here forever? "Are you guys hungry?" Twilight asked, uncomfortable with the silence. Arthur noticed just now that he was extremely hungry. He had not eaten for a couple days and felt a sudden urge of eating anything he could get his hands- er, hooves on. "I am incredibly hungry." Stated Arthur. "Thank you for asking." "I could eat." Zaphod said, nodding at Trillian who nodded back. Ford just looked ahead at a castle on a mountain off in the horizon. Trillian noticed him staring and she started to look at what he was looking at. Soon, the entire crew was staring. "It's beautiful." Trillian said, gawking at the sun setting over the mountain. It is one of the most beautiful things she had seen in her life. "It is oddly attractive, isn't it?" Arthur noted. "That's Canterlot." Twilight said, explaining it boastfully. "That's where princess Luna and princess Celestia live and watch over our land." Ford shook his head, braking his focus on the majestic castle in the distance. "Eating sounds delightful." Ford said, forcing a smile. Ford, however, was not truly hungry, he just wanted to be polite so he could get straight to focusing on how to get out of this place as fast as he could. "Alright follow me then." Twilight said walking away. "Are you sure this is a good idea Twi?" Applejack whispering as she started walking next to Twilight. "Ah don't mean to be rude, but these folks seem mighty untrustworthy." "I agree." Rarity whispered, on the other side of Twilight. "That Ford pony seems off somehow. And the white one seems to be unusually... bleak." "I'm sure everything will be fine." Twilight whispered back. She didn't know why she was sure, she just had an overall good feeling about this. Chapter 3After several minutes of agonizing walking later, all of the ponies find themselves at the library, the place in which Twilight lives. "So you live in... a tree?" Arthur asked. "Yeah, a pony needs to have a home somewhere." Twilight replied happily. "But... a tree?" Arthur insisted. "Why a tree? Surely there could be a more structurally sound place to have a home." "This tree is the strongest in all of Equestria. You have my word." Twilight said, trying to assure Arthur. It calmed him, but only for the briefest of moments as a branch fell off of the tree and almost landed on Arthur. It would have too, had it not been for Rainbow Dash who bucked him out of the way. "Sorry." Twilight said, giggling innocently. "Let's go in." "Thanks for that." Arthur said shakily to Rainbow Dash. She just smiled and motioned her head to the inside of Twilights place. Soon all the ponies went inside. Except Ford. "Of all the places to appear..." He said to himself, briefly letting out a small sigh before entering the tree. Books were lining every which wall inside the building. The men did not even bat an eye, but Trillian did take notice. In her time going around the universe she forgot how much she enjoyed reading a good book once in a while. "How many books do you have?" Trillian asked Twilight. "Oh I don't know... only a couple thousand." Twilight said. "You wait right here, I'll go get some food." "Only a couple thousand?" Trillian repeated. "I've never seen so many books in one place." "You haven't?" Twilight said in the next room over. "I should take you to the royal library in Canterlot. There is probably a couple hundred thousand in there." "I think I'm starting to like this place." Trillian said to herself. "So am I!" Zaphod said, taking another swig from his flask, already hammered. "I mean look at this place! Even the colors have colors." "It IS rather painful to the eye, isn't it?" Marvin asked. "Are you okay?" Fluttershy asked. "No. And I never will be. Do you know the things these people make me do?" Marvin asked. "Go ahead. Ask me what things they make me do." "Oh my, what do they make you do?" Fluttershy said. "Horrible things." Marvin replied simply. "He's sort of a downer, huh?" Pinkie Pie said. Arthur stared at Pinkie Pie and the others and mouthed the words 'you have no idea'. Rarity, Dash, Applejack and Fluttershy translated this as this 'pony has never stopped being sad'. Pinkie Pie translated this as 'can I have some pie'. "Oh I know a place where I can get you one if you want." Pinkie said happily. Rainbow Dash placed her hoof on her face and sighed. "No Pinkie, he said you have no idea." Rainbow Dash said. "See?" Marvin said. "Nothing but criticism and negative remarks." As Marvin finished the sentence, Twilight walked in, holding eleven plates with magic. Trillian watched with a smile on her face. Arthur gawked, wondering what was happening. Zaphod just smiled like a drunk. Ford and Marvin just stared. "What are you guys talking about?" Twilight asked, smiling. "Can you ponies please stop asking questions around Marvin?" Arthur said. "I swear, it's like people WANT to go in a deep depression." "Um, alright then." Twilight said, wide eyed. "Sorry." "You would have been more sorry if Marvin was the one who answered." Rainbow Dash said. "Trust me." "See what I have to live with?" Marvin said, skulking out the door. "Millions upon millions of different sentient beings, and not one appreciates me." Twilight started walking towards him, but was stopped by Ford. "Just let him walk it off, because he sure as heck doesn't talk it off." Ford insisted. The girls watched him as Marvin left, feeling bad for the white stallion. "Well, here's the food I guess." Twilight said, giving a plate with a sandwich to each of the ponies. Arthur and Trillian stared at the plates. "Is this.. hay?" Trillian asked. "And jam." Twilight said with a big smile. "I hope you like it." Ford, Zaphod and the girls were already eating what was given to them. The girls stayed because they did not want to leave Twilight alone with some strange ponies that spposedly came from space. Ford ate because he wanted to be polite, an Zaphod ate because he thought it was a rare 19 oz. steak. He realized he was wrong after he has taken his first bite, but continued eating. It tasted better than any 19 oz. steak he had ever had.. "This is the most amazing thing I have ever eaten." Zaphod said, mouth watering. "Can I have another one?" Twilight nodded and gave Zaphod the haywich that was going to be given to Marvin. Zaphod ate the haywich within a couple seconds. Trillian and Arthur shared a quick glance and they both shrugged, both taking a bite out of the food that was given to them. Trillian and Arthur were surprised at the taste. It was sweeter than they expected and they both finished theirs. "You wouldn't happen to have anything to drink, would you?" Arthur asked. "I think I have some tea in my cupboard if you want." Twilight said. Arthur stared blankly at her. The last time he remembered having a cup of actual tea was back on Earth, before it was destroyed. This was untrue. He has had a couple cups of 'tea' on his travels, but each one was a liquid quite unlike tea, so he was thrilled at the prospect. "I would love some tea." Arthur said, excitedly. "I would like some too." Trillian said politely. "If you don't mind." "Not at all." Twilight said. She then nodded at her friends. "You girls mind helping me out?" The girls nodded and followed Twilight into the next room. Zaphod had passed out due to what he calls 'excessive happiness'. Others call it a hang over. "Should we have let Marvin go out there alone?" Trillian asked. "What's the worst that could happen?" Arthur replied, just now realizing what he said. "Shit." Ford said, running for the door with Trillian and Arthur. Chapter 5"What are they?" Arthur asked again in a whisper. "They're timberwolves." Ford whispered back. "Anything we need to know about them?" Arthur whispered. "Well firstly they are wolves." Ford whispered. Arthur rolled his eyes briefly. "Anything else?" Arthur asked. "Well, they are made of timber." Ford whispered. "Do you have any ideas?" Trillian whispered. "Just the usual one." Ford replied. "Run?" Arthur asked. "Run!" Ford yelled, sprinting to Marvin, pulling him along. The crew then found themselves sprinting deeper into the Everfree Forest, the sound of paws scratching the ground raising in volume. Ford kept pressing on, though his legs were tiring at an alarming rate. Fords ears perked up and he took a sharp left. "Where are you going?" Arthur asked. "Just keep running!" Ford yelled. They kept going until Ford came to a slowdown. "Why are you stopping?" Trillian asked, still moving. "Get in the shack." Ford said. The others didn't need to be told twice. They sprinted the small distance and opened the door and ran inside. Once they were inside Ford slammed the door and sighed deeply. Arthur and Trillian looked around the shack, which had potions upon potions laid on shelves. "What is this place?" Arthur asked. "Somewhere safe." Ford said. "At least I hope." Arthur groaned and sat on the floor, rubbing his ankles. They sat in silence for nearly an hour before Trillian got up. "Are they gone?" Trillian asked. "Probably." Ford said. "They weren't trying to eat us, they were protecting their territory." "How do you know that?" Arthur asked. "Because if they wanted to kill us we would be dead." Ford said. "Like regular wolves, timberwolves attack in groups and use some degree of strategy while hunting. They would have cut us off if they wanted and ended it quickly." "How do you know so much about them?" Arthur asked. "I used to live here." Ford said. Back in Ponyville, Zaphod and the girls wandered around aimlessly, hoping to find some clues as to the whereabouts of the others. "Hey there's some hoof prints going off this way!" Rainbow Dash yelled, following the trail. "And they lead to the Everfree Forest." "Oh no." Fluttershy said. "We have to hurry and find them." Twilight said. "Who knows what could have happened to them by now." "Hang on, it'd be awfully dangerous t' go in there at night. We at least need some light." Applejack said. Twilight nodded and ran back to her house and grabbed a couple lanterns for some of them to use. Twilight thought it was best if she didn't give Zaphod or Pinkie Pie one as she did not know if there were any side effects to the drink. They soon found their way to the edge of the Everfree Forest. "I hope they are alright." Twilight gulped. "I hope Arthur isn't." Zaphod laughed. The girls looked at him with wide eyes. "It was a joke." "Jokes are supposed to be funny." Pinkie Pie said. "Let's go, we're wasting time." Rainbow Dash said, taking a step in the Forest. A loud howl was hear and the girls knew what it was. They looked at each other with worried expressions and started running in towards the source of the howling. "Look at the trail..." Twilight gasped. Where there was four hoof prints there were now dozens of other prints. All belonging to a group of timberwolves. "We hafta hurry." Applejack said quietly, picking up her pace. They ran for about a minute until they heard a sharp howl coming from in front of them. They came to a slowdown, not wanting to attract attention from the creatures of the Everfree Forest. They looked at where the howl originated from and saw a timberwolf watching from the shadows. Twilight turned around to try and find another way, but found that in every open direction there was a pair of timberwolves snarling lightly. "What are we going to do?" Rarity squeaked. "I don't know. There is too many to fight off." Twilight gulped. "Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, fly away right now." "We're not leaving you." Rainbow Dash said angrily. "It's either you two make it or none of us do." Twilight said. The wolves then started to circle them, slowly closing the gap. All the girls started to shake, but Zaphod just stared curiously and looked at his flask. Then, at that split second, Zaphod had an idea. Zaphod started walking towards Twilight and he grabbed her lantern. Twilight jumped when he just grabbed it from her, but she didn't say anything. Zaphod started to walk up to the biggest timberwolf he could find and all the girls gasped. "Are you loco in the coco?" Pinkie Pie asked. "Get back here Zaphod." Twilight pleaded. "For fuck sakes." Zaphod grunted. Zaphod opened the lantern and took out the candle that resided inside and he brought his flask to his lips and took a swig. The girls lost all focus of the wolves and were curious as to what Zaphod was doing. The timberwolf that he approached stopped moving and was watching him. Zaphod raised the candle to his lips and started spitting out the drink, which made a large, green flame shoot out towards the timberwolf and it caught on fire and started to run away yelping. The other timberwolves saw that the leader of the pack was running so they followed suit, sprinting away from the girls and Zaphod, who was standing there smugly. "What was that." Twilight gawked, as Zaphod put the candle back in the lantern and handed it back to her. "Just a little something I thought up of on the spot." Zaphod replied. "How did you know it would work?" Rarity asked. "I didn't, I just thought if I was going to die I at least wanted to watch something burn." Zaphod replied nonchalantly. The girls stared at him and started giggling. "You're crazy arentcha?" Applejack asked, still giggling slightly. "Probably." Zaphod said with a shrug. "Well thank you for doing that." Twilight said. "That was quick thinking. Let's go find your friends." "Right behind you." Zaphod laughed, and they all started to follow the tracks again. Chapter 6Zaphod and the girls soon found themselves at a small hut in the middle of the forest. "It looks just like Ruler of the Universes house." Zaphod muttered. "The Ruler of the Universe?" Twilight giggled. "Yeah, if you met him you would laugh even harder." Zaphod said, laughing with Twilight. Twilight then knocked on the door to the hut and Ford answered slowly. "Ford? Where is Zecora?" Twilight asked. "Who is Zecora?" Arthur asked from behind Ford. "She is the zebra that lives here." Twilight said. "And here I was hoping this place was abandoned." Ford said. "I mean really, who would want to live in the middle of this place?" Arthur asked. "She must be insane." "Zecora is not crazy. She brews potions and most of her ingredients can only be found in the forest." Twilight said "A zebra, eh?" Zaphod asked. "I rememebr seeing one of those from my brief time on earth. You ever see one Trill?" "I've seen pictures of them but I have never actually seen them." Trillian said. "They're not much to look at." Ford said. "Though I've always wondered if they were white with black stripes, or black with white stripes." "What if they have black and white stripes, and are a third color underneath?" Pinkie asked, she then gasped. "What if they are two different colors underneath on top of them having black and white stripes?" Zaphod looked over at Pinkie and smirked. "I like the way you think." Zaphod said. "I like the way I think too!" Pinkie giggled. One of the doors inside the hut swung open and Zecora came out with a confused expression on her face. "Zecora I presume?" Ford said, extending his hoof. Zecora glanced at Fords hoof warily. She looked over at the girls and eased up and grabbed Fords hoof and shook. "My name is Zecora, that much is true. You seem to know about me, yet I know nothing of you." "So she's a poet?" Zaphod asked. "No, she just only speaks in rhyme." Twilight said. "My name is Ford. The one that is talking to Twilight is Zaphod. The other girl is Trillian, one sitting next to her is Arthur, and the white pony with the green eyes is Marvin." Ford said. "It is nice to meet Ford, even under this circumstance. But I still wonder, are you here just because of chance?" Zecora asked. "Well we were just being chased by timberwolves, and I think they are still out there." Ford said. "I apologize for us barging in, but we were sort of in a hurry." "Think nothing of it, a friend of Twilight is a friend of mine." Zecora said. "The timberwolves will leave soon, just give it time." "That is getting annoying." Zaphod muttered. "For once we agree on something." Arthur said. "Hey Ford, how do you know so much about this place?" Zaphod ask. "I have been here before..." Ford said. "You have been here before?" Twilight asked. "Maybe I should tell the princess that you are he-" "No." Ford said, interrupting Twilight. "I mean,uh , I'm sure Celestia is extremely busy." Twilight shared a look with all the girls, but they just shrugged it off. The group of them sat down and waited for the timberwolves to leave. Zecora had went back to her room to research a flower that she needs for one of her potions. "So do you think they left yet?" Arthur asked. "Yeah, they probably did." Ford said. "As I have said, they aren't out to kill us, they just want us to leave their home." "This place is horrible." Marvin muttered, staring out the window. "Yeah, yeah." Zaphod grunted. "This place is terrible, everything is depressing, all that jazz. Seriously Marvin, get some new material." "You don't have to be so mean to him..." Fluttershy said quietly. Zaphod looked at Fluttershy and she shrank and gave a whimper. "Hey Marvin, it looks like you have someone who likes you." Zaphod chirped. "Someone likes me?" Marvin scoffed. "I can tell that it is just pity." "You're right. He is a downer." Rainbow Dash said. "Let's just get out of here." Ford said, getting up off the floor. The group of them nodded and made their way out the door. They trekked through the forest and in no time found them out of Everfree Forest. The sun has fully disappeared and the moon is slowly rising. Fords eyes lingered on the moon with a quizzical look but shook it off after a couple seconds. "So what now?" Ford asked. "I could use some sleep." Zaphod said. "You were sleeping when you left her place though." Arthur said. "Your point?" Zaphod asked. "Well I have a spare room at my place, but not enough for all of you." Twilight said. "Does anypony else have a place for them to sleep?" "We have a couple spare beds back at the acres." Applejack said. "One of them could stay at Sugarcube Corner!" Pinkie said. "That sounds like my kind of place." Zaphod said with a grin. "So we need one more bed." Twilight said. "One of them could sleep at my home, I guess." Fluttershy said. Zaphod then pushed Marvin ahead of him and laughed. "Looks like we have a volunteer." Zaphod said. "I'll stay at Twilights place for now." Ford said. "I need to flip through some of her history books to check up on something anyways." "Alright, looks like you two will be stayin' at my place." Applejack said, nodding at Arthur and Trillian. "Sounds great." Trillian said with a warm smile. "Thanks for doing this." "Don't mention it." Applejack said, meeting her warm smile. "How 'bout you Arthur?" "Hm? Oh yeah, sounds good I guess." Arthur said. The group then said their goodbyes and parted ways for the rest of the night. Ford and Twilight made good time getting to her house. "So what book do you need?" Twilight asked, opening the door to her house. "Any book that shows historical figures in Equestria." Ford said. "Preferably one that stretched at least one thousand years." Chapter 4"Marvin!" Arthur yelled frantically, running to nowhere in particular. "Marvin where are you?" "How far could he have gone?" Trillian asked, trying to keep up with Ford. "Well, considering he has the mind the size of a planet, I would assume not very far at all." Ford said. "But it's WHERE he could have gone that worries me. This world was not meant to hold such sorrow." "Why? What can he do that would be so bad?" Arthur asked, glancing in every which direction. "A wise man once said that a immensely depressed robot said is always capable of only doing one thing you can know for sure." Ford Said. "And what is that?" Trillian asked, scared for what the answer might be. "I don't know." Ford said. "All I remember was that it was something incredibly bad." "Oh that makes me feel much better about our predicament." Arthur yelled. "This way!" Ford yelled, making a sharp towards a forest. "Of course he would go in the forest..." "Wait, how do you know where he is?" Arthur asked. Ford shook his head. "No time to explain, just move." Ford muttered. Arthur shared an unsure glance with Trillian, and then hoofed it after Ford, who was running full speed ahead towards an eerie forest. It didn't take them long to make it to the foot of the forest, but when they did Ford stopped and closed his eyes. "Why did you stop?" Trillian asked. Ford let out a sigh. "Stop talking for one damned minute." Ford snapped. Trillian was taken aback and fell into a silence. "This way." Ford said, running straight into the forest. "We need to get there as fast as we can." "Why?" Arthur asked. "You don't want to know." Ford yelled, quickly gaining speed. Back at Twilights place the girls came back into the room where they thought the others were sitting, only to find Zaphod by himself, snoring heavily on the floor. "Is he okay?" Fluttershy asked, standing next to Zaphod, putting her ear to his chest. "He still has a heartbeat." "I saw him feel good when he drank this!" Pinkie Pie said, picking up Zaphods flask. "I wonder what it is?" Twilight asked. "Only one way to find out!" Pinkie Pie said, taking a tiny sip of the flask. Pinkie Pie eyes went white and she dropped the flask on the ground and started trembling. "Pinkie are y'all right?" Applejack asked, approaching Pinkie. Pinkie Pies face then went green and she spewed all over the floor. "What in Celestias name is in there?" Rainbow Dash asked, glancing nervously to the flask. "I don't know, but whatever it is it tastes yucky." Pinkie groaned, scrubbing her tongue with her hoof. "It may taste disgusting at first." Zaphod groaned, finding himself extremely queasy. "But it grows on you." "Oh good you're fine." Twilight said. "I was beginning to get worried." "Yeah, don't worry about me, that happens sometimes when I drink out of that flask." Zaphod laughed deeply. "What vile concoction is in it?" Rarity asked. "You know that awesome drink I was telling you about?" Zaphod asked, to which Rarity replied with a simple nod. "Yeah, it's that." "So the "awesome" drink that you like so much makes you sick and then tired?" Twilight asked. "Yeah, actually, that is exactly what it does." Zaphod said, raising the flask to the girls. "Any of you want a sip?" All the girls looked at Pinkie, whose face was completely flushed. They then glared at Zaphod and shook their heads. "Suit yourself." Zaphod shrugged. "More for me." This, however, was a redundant statement. The reason it was redundant is because when Zaphod was the fake president of the galaxy, and coincidentally a couple hours before he stole the Heart of Gold, he hired the greatest scientists in the world to invent a container that would regenerate any liquid put into it forever. It wasn't until later that they realized this was a mistake. "Where did the others go?" Twilight asked, trying to change the subject. Zaphod then glanced around lazily. "I was about to ask you the same thing." "Oh this can't be good." Applejack said. Back at the forest, Ford, Trillian and Arthur found themselves behind a bush, watching a huge towering beast, growling at Marvin, who stared at it indifferently. "Do it. You would be doing everybody a favor." Marvin moaned. "What is that thing?" Arthur whispered. "I don't know." Trillian replied. "But it seems to be a lion, with a scorpions tail and a set of wings." "It's called a manticore." Ford said. "The only thing we can do is hope Marvin some how makes it go away. If we try to intervene it will probably kill us all." "And I was beginning to think we finally made it to a completely happy, safe and mostly harmless world." Arthur said. "I've been to mostly harmless planet before." Ford said. "It was a nice place while it lasted." "What happened to it?" Arthur asked. "It got blown up by the Vogons to make room for an intergalactic highway." Ford said with a laugh. Arthur glared darts at him. "What? Are you not going to do anything?" Marvin asked somberly. "Oh I get it. Big vicious creature that can hurt anything decides to go soft once someone begs to be put out of his misery." With that, the manticore turned around and ran back in it's gave. "Come back here and do it you mangy creature." Marin said, slightly louder than he usually speaks. "Even when I yell at him he doesn't do anything. What does an ex robot have to do on this planet to get mercy killed." "For some strange reason I kind of saw that coming." Arthur said loud enough so that Marvin could hear. "So that's why it ran back in the cave. What are you... things... doing here?" Marvin asked. "We're here to bring you back to Twilight's home." Trillian replied. "I wasn't talking to you." Marvin said, pointing behind them. "I was talking to them." Arthur, Ford and Trillian slowly turned to see that there were dozens of wolves in the trees, seemingly blending in. "Are they made out of... wood?" Arthur whispered to Ford. "Timberwolves." Ford said. "Just great."
Prologue*IF YOU HAVE NOT READ THE HITCHHIKERS GUIDE TO THE GALAXY SERIES I WOULD SUGGEST DOING SO BEFORE READING THIS. IT WILL USE QUOTES AND REFERENCES TO ALL OF THE SERIES AND NOT JUST THE MOVIE! MANY A SPOILERS WILL BE GIVEN. _____________________________________________________________________________ Space... is big. Really big. You just won't believe how vastly hugely mindbogglingly big it is... Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy Author. "What?" Screamed Zaphod Beeblebrox, after hearing the ultimate question. "How in gods name is that the ultimate question? It makes no sense." "Nothing we've done has made any sense ever." Ford Prefect shrugged. "It only makes sense that we continue this nonsensical streak." "Nobody is going to give us money for THAT. We'll be the laughing stock of not only our universe," Zaphod yelled. "but all of them." "Why?" Asked Arthur Dent, the man who held the answer to the question of 'What is the ultimate question'. The answer to the question was simply the number forty-two. But nobody understood the answer. Not even the giant computer that calculated the ultimate answer knew. "It's not our fault that this is the question, as simple as it is." "Six by nine? How could THAT be the ultimate question?" Zaphod yelled. "People have killed to find the question to the ultimate answer. And now that we know the question which has been answered." Marvin let out a deep, depressing groan. It was the kind of groan where it sounds a shiver down your spine and you think to yourself 'That groan is so depressing it's making me depressed'. "Does anybody want to know what I think?"Marvin asked. Ford, Trillian, Zaphod andArthur stared at the massive headed robot for an answer. After several second of silence someone finally asked. "Fine, what do you think Marvin?" Zaphod asked impatiently. "I think everything is just horrible." Marvin said, in a tone so depressing, it would make millions of adults fall to their knees and weep had they been their to witness it. Luckily all the people on the ship are either too stupid or too oblivious to be affected by Marvin. Most likely both. Zaphod hit Arthur on the back of the head. "What was that for?" Arthur asked. "What was what for?" Zaphod asked back to Arthur. "What was the reason for you hitting me?" Arthur told Zaphod. "Oh no reason." Zaphod replied. "I'm just annoyed, that's all." "That's a stupid reason." Arthur yelled. "Ah there's my reason. I hit you because you're stupid." Zaphod retorted. "Shut up." Trillian yelled. "Stop your idiotic bantering. Now we need to know, what comes next. We know the ultimate answer is forty two, and we know the ultimate question is what is six by nine. What do we do now?" "Want to know what I think?" Marvin said speaking again. "No!" Yelled Arthur, Ford, and Zaphod. Suddenly the ship started shaking wildly. "Sorry about that folks, seems like something is making me shake." Said the Heart of Gold. "How incredibly amazing. I would never have guessed." Arthur said getting up. "What was it." Zaphod asked, just to fall on to the ground after getting up, due to the ship shaking again. This isn't fun. thought Zaphod. What is happening thought Arthur. This is terribly depressing thought Marvin. "Well folks, it seems we are under attack by another ship." The ship chirped happily. "Should I see what they want?" "Yes." Screamed Zaphod, attempting to get up, but failing due to the increasing violence of the shaking. After several minutes of everyone stumbling to get up, Arthur decided to speak. "Maybe we should stay on the ground, you know, because we can't get up anyways?" Soon enough everybody gave up the notion of standing up, and after millions of nano seconds, the ship came back. "I have some good news and some bad news!" The ship said. "Which would you like to hear first." "Whats the bad news?" Zaphod yelled. "The kind people behind us decided that they want kill us." The ship said, slightly louder. Arthur just stared at the control panel of the ship. Arthur thought he was more or less making eye contact with the ship, when in reality he was mostly looking at the ships kidney. " Well then what's the good news?" Arthur asked, saying silent prayers to a god he rarely believes in. "You've all had fantastic lives!" The ship chirped, then soon the ship started making horribly loud beeping noises. "No I haven't! I've had a terrible life." Arthur screamed, trying to be audible over the increasing sound of the ships emergency alarm. "I'm sorry. I guess I only have bad news then." The ship said, trying to comfort Arthur. Not known to the ship, however, this made Arthur sick. Ford then jumped up and ran to the controls of the ship. He looked at the giant red button that read 'DO NOT PRESS'. He then glanced at the others on the ground, all of them with a worried expression on their face. "I'm going to press it." yelled Ford at the others. He then raised his hand in the air and slammed the button down as hard as he could. The ship started stretching in every which direction, in impossible angles and wonderful shapes. It always confused Arthur as to how being flattened never killed him. Then he thought to himself why doesn't it kill Zaphod? Soon the ship stopped. Soon after, that everything stopped and Arthur experienced a slight falling feeling. The ship broke through the atmosphere of the planet and started speeding towards the ground. Arthur opened his right eye to get a good look around. Everything in the ship is more bright than he remembers. He then has trouble getting his footing, and decides to crawl on all fours, due to being unable to stand on his two feet. He crawled to the side of the ship and looked out the window and proceeded to shield his eyes. Never in his entire life has he seen anything this bright and happy. In fact, it was so bright and happy that Arthur then proceeded to projectile vomit all over the window. After several seconds, Arthur wiped the bile off of his lips and looked at his hands. He then noticed that he no longer had hands. This made him throw up yet again. He then looked around to see the others, but he could not see them. There was just a couple of horses, much like ones back on earth, but all had vibrantly colored fur. Where is Trillian? Where is Ford? Please tell me Zaphod is dead! Arthur thought to himself, before flying into a wall.
Chapter 1"What is that thing?" Twilight asked, looking at the unknown vessel which is implanted in the ground. "I'm telling you it's aliens!" Pinkie Pie said, hopping around the other ponies. "Pinkie dear, you know there's no such thing as aliens." Rarity said. A panel then exploded off of the back of the Heart and Gold, launching all the way into the atmosphere. the noise scared the girls and they all yelled, taking a few steps back. After 5 minutes of nothing happening, Rainbow Dash decided to take a closer look at the strange object. She flew around it a couple times and then something caught her eye. There was a window on the other side of the ship. "Hey guys come over her." Rainbow Dash said, rushing to the window. The other ponies ran to where Rainbow Dash was and they took a look inside. There was 5 ponies, all laying on the floor, the chamber inside quickly filling with smoke. "Ah reckon we best get them out of there." Applejack said, just to be followed by another explosion, this time it was inside. "And we best be doin' it fast." "I agree." Twilight said. "We have to find a way to get inside." All the girls shared a quick nod and started looking around. Pinkie Pie stayed by the window, glaring inside. She tilted her head to the side as one of the ponies was getting up. This one had a marking on his flank. It was a red button that read 'Don't Panic' and he was holding a towel in one hoof. She saw he was moving his mouth but she could hear nothing. "Arthur?" Ford asked, eyes closed. "Trillian? Zaph?" He finally opened his eyes after no one answered. He looked quickly from left to right, noticing everything in the ship was more vibrant and happy. He then looked at the ground and saw four ponies just laying there. He let out a small sigh. "I haven't been here in a while..." Ford coughed, now noticing the smoke everywhere. "Uh oh." He quickly started dragging all the ponies to the door of the Heart and Gold, after he did he tried to press the button to open it. It didn't work. "Why did it have to be this place?" Ford yelled, bucking at the door. The yell then woke everybody up and they all looked around and started coughing. "Damn, I haven't seen this much smoke since I last visited my friends house." Zaphod said weakly. "Was your friend a heavy smoker?" Trillian asked, eyes watering from the smoke. "No, he owed me some money so I burnt his house down." Zaphod said laughing. Nobody else found it funny. "Tough crowd." Zaphod muttered. "I think something is on fire." Arthur complained. "How very observant of you..." Ford said, still bucking the door. It was about to come loose, but not before a large explosion propelled the crew into the door, smashing it open, and shooting them out the side of the ship. The last time Zaphod felt this terrible was when he had a pan-galactic gargle blaster drinking contest with Ford. They all stumbled to get up, cuts and bruises all over their bodies. After many embarrassing efforts, they all finally manage to stand up. Trillian then shook her head and looked around. She got worried because all she could see were many ponies. "Ford? Arthur? Where are you guys?" Trillian asked. "Right here Trillian." Arthur replied. "Where?" Zaphod asked. "Behind that stupid looking horse?" "What? Maybe. I don't know." Arthur said. "Where are you?" "Right here." Zaphod asked. "That helps..." Arthur said, checking his ankle, which he believes to be broken. He then notices he is no longer in his old body. "Wait. I think I AM the stupid looking horse." Trillian, Zaphod and Martin then looked at their horse bodies. Then they looked at each other. Soon Arthur, Trillian and Zaphod find themselves to be screaming, and quite loudly at that. They know that when the Infinite Improbability Drive is hit, they will most likely change the they look, but usually it wears off after a couple of seconds. "Guys shut up." Ford said, rather loudly at that. Normally Ford would just let them scream at the top of their lungs to get it out of their systems, but the crew grew to realize that if Ford says to stay calm, nothing is wrong. However, in Martins mind, being a squishy, white pony was something he was not used to, which made him very depressed. After coming down they heard a sharp yell above them. "Guys they're over here!" Yelled Rainbow Dash, zooming towards them a mile a second. Great we've been found though Ford, somewhat pissed off. Soon, the crew find themselves surrounded by six ponies, all staring at them intently. "Uh, hello?" Arthur squeaked. "THE ALIENS CAN TALK!" Pinkie Pie screamed, trying to run away, only to be stopped by Applejack and Rarity. "Sorry about Pinkie, she usually greets people in a friendly manner. I'm not sure why he is acting this way." Twilight said. "Who are you ponies?" Looking at each other they decide it would be best to just go with the flow, after all, they're just ponies. "My name is Trillian, It's a... pleasure? To... meet you?" Trillian said, still feeling weak because of the explosion. "That's a nice name." Twilight said. That's an odd name Twilight thought. "My name is Arthur. Arthur Dent." Arthur said, raising his hoof for a hand shake, not really sure what to expect. "Pleasure t' meetcha Arthur." Applejack said, grabbing his hoof and shaking it violently. Oh god she's trying to kill me Arthur thought. "I'm Zaphod." Zaphod coughed. "Say, got any Pan-Galactic Gargle Blasters laying around?" "What's that?" Rarity asked. "Some kind of drink?" "Yeah. Probably the best drink ever." Zaphod replied, smiling lazily. He actually despises drinking it as it tastes awful. He also hates waking up with the worst hangover ever. "Well, maybe not the best." He finished, winking. "My name is Marvin. Not that anybody cares." Marvin said looking down. "I care." Fluttershy said, slowly walking up to Marvin. For the briefest of moments, Marvin felt a shiver go down his spine, and a smile on his lips. I hate this he thought to himself, quickly shaking the feeling as he finds it extremely uncomfortable. "And what's your name?" Rainbow Dash asked Ford, eyeballing his towel. Ford noticed what she was looking at, so he put it on his back. "My name is Prefect. Ford Prefect." "Your name sounds familiar. Where are you from?" Twilight asked. "I'm from Betelgeuse 5..." Ford said. "From a different galaxy." "I knew it! Run!" Pinkie Pie said, struggling to break free of Rarity and Applejacks grip. "A different planet?" Rainbow Dash snorted. "If you were from another planet, you would have some way of proving it." Right when Rainbow Dash finished her sentence, the Heart of Gold exploded into a great ball of fire. Everybody yelled and ran away from the explosion. After about five minutes of running they came to a slow halt. Gasping, Ford Prefect looked at Rainbow Dash. "I would have thought something crashing from outer space would have been enough proof..." Ford said with a forced smile. Rainbow Dash looked at the crater left by the weird object and gulped. "Yeah..." Rainbow Dash said, voice shaking.
Chapter 2"No!" Zaphod yelled, running back to the Heart of Gold. "Do you know how much I paid for that thing?" Arthur stared at Zaphod as he made his way to the wreckage of the once beautiful ship. "I thought he stole it." Arthur said to Ford. "He did." Ford said, grabbing the guide to the galaxy. "He's just being over dramatic." "He stole it?" Fluttershy gasped. "Is he going to give it back?" Trillian looked over at Zaphod who was on his knees, ravaging through the metal bits in a panic, muttering something under his breath. "Something tells me that's now out of the question." Trillian said. "Say, why are you talking to us?" Arthur asked. "I mean, we just landed in a giant space ship and you guys don't seem to be that phased by it." Ford took the guide to the galaxy and went to page 345-876. It is a page that goes into heavy detail about Equestria and is filled with facts. This bothers him. It bothers him because not too long ago that page was a blank slate. "What's that book you have got there?" Twilight asked Ford, who had a dazzled look on his face. "Oh, it's nothing." Ford said, slamming it shut and throwing it in his towel. "Let's go check on Zaphod and make sure he isn't doing anything stupid." Trillian and Arthur looked at Ford. "Sorry." He said, correcting himself, walking towards Zaphod. "I meant more stupid than usual." "That's an odd way to talk about your friend." Rarity said. "He's not MY friend." Arthur said. "Then why are you with him if he's not your friend?" Rainbow Dash asked. Arthur never thought of this. He was sure there was a reason that he stayed, but with all the trauma he has received because of him he finds himself at a loss. "I don't know." Arthur said simply. "I found it!" Exclaimed Zaphod, holding something metallic in the air. "It made it out okay!" Zaphod was super excited. He thought that the one thing that has brought him this far was ruined and he would never feel truly at home again. "What is it?" Arthur asked. "Is it the Infinite Improbability Drive?" "No." Zaphod said, crying from laughing with excitement. "It's my flask!" Dear lord Arthur thought to himself. "Well, at least someone here seems to be happy." Twilight said. "Oh yes. That's great." Marvin muttered. "Now while everyone else is sitting around super depressed, the head of this strange crew will remain happy." "I'm not depressed." Said Pinkie Pie, finally relaxing. "In fact I'm quite happy. I get to meet new ponies, as weird as they seem to be. What is there to be depressed about?" "Please, for the love of everything good and ho-" Arthur started. "Well for starters just look at me." Marvin said, letting out a deep and depressing sigh. "Here I am, a robot, brain the size of a planet, stuck with this terribly depressing group of-" "What's a robot?" Asked Twilight. Marvin just stared at her. The only people he's found this blind were the group of aliens thats bodies were giant eyeballs. The ironic part of this being that their planet was so close to the sun that it burned out their giant retinas, thus making them blind. "I am a robot." Marvin said slowly. "You look like a regular pony to me." Rarity said. It then occured to Marvin that, while everyone has turned into equine, he never considered that he himself had turned into one. He walked up to a portion of the ship that was nearby and looked into it. He was a pure white stallion, with bright green eyes and a bright blue infinity symbol on his side. This is so happy it's making me depressed he thought to himself. "Well then." Zaphod said, taking a swig from his flask. "What's next onto the agenda?" They stared at each other in silence for several minutes. What were they going to do next? They had no spaceship. They have no Infinite Improbability Drive. They are colorful ponies with no opposable thumbs. They couldn't think of anything that could help their present situation. What if they are stuck here forever? "Are you guys hungry?" Twilight asked, uncomfortable with the silence. Arthur noticed just now that he was extremely hungry. He had not eaten for a couple days and felt a sudden urge of eating anything he could get his hands- er, hooves on. "I am incredibly hungry." Stated Arthur. "Thank you for asking." "I could eat." Zaphod said, nodding at Trillian who nodded back. Ford just looked ahead at a castle on a mountain off in the horizon. Trillian noticed him staring and she started to look at what he was looking at. Soon, the entire crew was staring. "It's beautiful." Trillian said, gawking at the sun setting over the mountain. It is one of the most beautiful things she had seen in her life. "It is oddly attractive, isn't it?" Arthur noted. "That's Canterlot." Twilight said, explaining it boastfully. "That's where princess Luna and princess Celestia live and watch over our land." Ford shook his head, braking his focus on the majestic castle in the distance. "Eating sounds delightful." Ford said, forcing a smile. Ford, however, was not truly hungry, he just wanted to be polite so he could get straight to focusing on how to get out of this place as fast as he could. "Alright follow me then." Twilight said walking away. "Are you sure this is a good idea Twi?" Applejack whispering as she started walking next to Twilight. "Ah don't mean to be rude, but these folks seem mighty untrustworthy." "I agree." Rarity whispered, on the other side of Twilight. "That Ford pony seems off somehow. And the white one seems to be unusually... bleak." "I'm sure everything will be fine." Twilight whispered back. She didn't know why she was sure, she just had an overall good feeling about this.
Chapter 3After several minutes of agonizing walking later, all of the ponies find themselves at the library, the place in which Twilight lives. "So you live in... a tree?" Arthur asked. "Yeah, a pony needs to have a home somewhere." Twilight replied happily. "But... a tree?" Arthur insisted. "Why a tree? Surely there could be a more structurally sound place to have a home." "This tree is the strongest in all of Equestria. You have my word." Twilight said, trying to assure Arthur. It calmed him, but only for the briefest of moments as a branch fell off of the tree and almost landed on Arthur. It would have too, had it not been for Rainbow Dash who bucked him out of the way. "Sorry." Twilight said, giggling innocently. "Let's go in." "Thanks for that." Arthur said shakily to Rainbow Dash. She just smiled and motioned her head to the inside of Twilights place. Soon all the ponies went inside. Except Ford. "Of all the places to appear..." He said to himself, briefly letting out a small sigh before entering the tree. Books were lining every which wall inside the building. The men did not even bat an eye, but Trillian did take notice. In her time going around the universe she forgot how much she enjoyed reading a good book once in a while. "How many books do you have?" Trillian asked Twilight. "Oh I don't know... only a couple thousand." Twilight said. "You wait right here, I'll go get some food." "Only a couple thousand?" Trillian repeated. "I've never seen so many books in one place." "You haven't?" Twilight said in the next room over. "I should take you to the royal library in Canterlot. There is probably a couple hundred thousand in there." "I think I'm starting to like this place." Trillian said to herself. "So am I!" Zaphod said, taking another swig from his flask, already hammered. "I mean look at this place! Even the colors have colors." "It IS rather painful to the eye, isn't it?" Marvin asked. "Are you okay?" Fluttershy asked. "No. And I never will be. Do you know the things these people make me do?" Marvin asked. "Go ahead. Ask me what things they make me do." "Oh my, what do they make you do?" Fluttershy said. "Horrible things." Marvin replied simply. "He's sort of a downer, huh?" Pinkie Pie said. Arthur stared at Pinkie Pie and the others and mouthed the words 'you have no idea'. Rarity, Dash, Applejack and Fluttershy translated this as this 'pony has never stopped being sad'. Pinkie Pie translated this as 'can I have some pie'. "Oh I know a place where I can get you one if you want." Pinkie said happily. Rainbow Dash placed her hoof on her face and sighed. "No Pinkie, he said you have no idea." Rainbow Dash said. "See?" Marvin said. "Nothing but criticism and negative remarks." As Marvin finished the sentence, Twilight walked in, holding eleven plates with magic. Trillian watched with a smile on her face. Arthur gawked, wondering what was happening. Zaphod just smiled like a drunk. Ford and Marvin just stared. "What are you guys talking about?" Twilight asked, smiling. "Can you ponies please stop asking questions around Marvin?" Arthur said. "I swear, it's like people WANT to go in a deep depression." "Um, alright then." Twilight said, wide eyed. "Sorry." "You would have been more sorry if Marvin was the one who answered." Rainbow Dash said. "Trust me." "See what I have to live with?" Marvin said, skulking out the door. "Millions upon millions of different sentient beings, and not one appreciates me." Twilight started walking towards him, but was stopped by Ford. "Just let him walk it off, because he sure as heck doesn't talk it off." Ford insisted. The girls watched him as Marvin left, feeling bad for the white stallion. "Well, here's the food I guess." Twilight said, giving a plate with a sandwich to each of the ponies. Arthur and Trillian stared at the plates. "Is this.. hay?" Trillian asked. "And jam." Twilight said with a big smile. "I hope you like it." Ford, Zaphod and the girls were already eating what was given to them. The girls stayed because they did not want to leave Twilight alone with some strange ponies that spposedly came from space. Ford ate because he wanted to be polite, an Zaphod ate because he thought it was a rare 19 oz. steak. He realized he was wrong after he has taken his first bite, but continued eating. It tasted better than any 19 oz. steak he had ever had.. "This is the most amazing thing I have ever eaten." Zaphod said, mouth watering. "Can I have another one?" Twilight nodded and gave Zaphod the haywich that was going to be given to Marvin. Zaphod ate the haywich within a couple seconds. Trillian and Arthur shared a quick glance and they both shrugged, both taking a bite out of the food that was given to them. Trillian and Arthur were surprised at the taste. It was sweeter than they expected and they both finished theirs. "You wouldn't happen to have anything to drink, would you?" Arthur asked. "I think I have some tea in my cupboard if you want." Twilight said. Arthur stared blankly at her. The last time he remembered having a cup of actual tea was back on Earth, before it was destroyed. This was untrue. He has had a couple cups of 'tea' on his travels, but each one was a liquid quite unlike tea, so he was thrilled at the prospect. "I would love some tea." Arthur said, excitedly. "I would like some too." Trillian said politely. "If you don't mind." "Not at all." Twilight said. She then nodded at her friends. "You girls mind helping me out?" The girls nodded and followed Twilight into the next room. Zaphod had passed out due to what he calls 'excessive happiness'. Others call it a hang over. "Should we have let Marvin go out there alone?" Trillian asked. "What's the worst that could happen?" Arthur replied, just now realizing what he said. "Shit." Ford said, running for the door with Trillian and Arthur.
Chapter 5"What are they?" Arthur asked again in a whisper. "They're timberwolves." Ford whispered back. "Anything we need to know about them?" Arthur whispered. "Well firstly they are wolves." Ford whispered. Arthur rolled his eyes briefly. "Anything else?" Arthur asked. "Well, they are made of timber." Ford whispered. "Do you have any ideas?" Trillian whispered. "Just the usual one." Ford replied. "Run?" Arthur asked. "Run!" Ford yelled, sprinting to Marvin, pulling him along. The crew then found themselves sprinting deeper into the Everfree Forest, the sound of paws scratching the ground raising in volume. Ford kept pressing on, though his legs were tiring at an alarming rate. Fords ears perked up and he took a sharp left. "Where are you going?" Arthur asked. "Just keep running!" Ford yelled. They kept going until Ford came to a slowdown. "Why are you stopping?" Trillian asked, still moving. "Get in the shack." Ford said. The others didn't need to be told twice. They sprinted the small distance and opened the door and ran inside. Once they were inside Ford slammed the door and sighed deeply. Arthur and Trillian looked around the shack, which had potions upon potions laid on shelves. "What is this place?" Arthur asked. "Somewhere safe." Ford said. "At least I hope." Arthur groaned and sat on the floor, rubbing his ankles. They sat in silence for nearly an hour before Trillian got up. "Are they gone?" Trillian asked. "Probably." Ford said. "They weren't trying to eat us, they were protecting their territory." "How do you know that?" Arthur asked. "Because if they wanted to kill us we would be dead." Ford said. "Like regular wolves, timberwolves attack in groups and use some degree of strategy while hunting. They would have cut us off if they wanted and ended it quickly." "How do you know so much about them?" Arthur asked. "I used to live here." Ford said. Back in Ponyville, Zaphod and the girls wandered around aimlessly, hoping to find some clues as to the whereabouts of the others. "Hey there's some hoof prints going off this way!" Rainbow Dash yelled, following the trail. "And they lead to the Everfree Forest." "Oh no." Fluttershy said. "We have to hurry and find them." Twilight said. "Who knows what could have happened to them by now." "Hang on, it'd be awfully dangerous t' go in there at night. We at least need some light." Applejack said. Twilight nodded and ran back to her house and grabbed a couple lanterns for some of them to use. Twilight thought it was best if she didn't give Zaphod or Pinkie Pie one as she did not know if there were any side effects to the drink. They soon found their way to the edge of the Everfree Forest. "I hope they are alright." Twilight gulped. "I hope Arthur isn't." Zaphod laughed. The girls looked at him with wide eyes. "It was a joke." "Jokes are supposed to be funny." Pinkie Pie said. "Let's go, we're wasting time." Rainbow Dash said, taking a step in the Forest. A loud howl was hear and the girls knew what it was. They looked at each other with worried expressions and started running in towards the source of the howling. "Look at the trail..." Twilight gasped. Where there was four hoof prints there were now dozens of other prints. All belonging to a group of timberwolves. "We hafta hurry." Applejack said quietly, picking up her pace. They ran for about a minute until they heard a sharp howl coming from in front of them. They came to a slowdown, not wanting to attract attention from the creatures of the Everfree Forest. They looked at where the howl originated from and saw a timberwolf watching from the shadows. Twilight turned around to try and find another way, but found that in every open direction there was a pair of timberwolves snarling lightly. "What are we going to do?" Rarity squeaked. "I don't know. There is too many to fight off." Twilight gulped. "Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, fly away right now." "We're not leaving you." Rainbow Dash said angrily. "It's either you two make it or none of us do." Twilight said. The wolves then started to circle them, slowly closing the gap. All the girls started to shake, but Zaphod just stared curiously and looked at his flask. Then, at that split second, Zaphod had an idea. Zaphod started walking towards Twilight and he grabbed her lantern. Twilight jumped when he just grabbed it from her, but she didn't say anything. Zaphod started to walk up to the biggest timberwolf he could find and all the girls gasped. "Are you loco in the coco?" Pinkie Pie asked. "Get back here Zaphod." Twilight pleaded. "For fuck sakes." Zaphod grunted. Zaphod opened the lantern and took out the candle that resided inside and he brought his flask to his lips and took a swig. The girls lost all focus of the wolves and were curious as to what Zaphod was doing. The timberwolf that he approached stopped moving and was watching him. Zaphod raised the candle to his lips and started spitting out the drink, which made a large, green flame shoot out towards the timberwolf and it caught on fire and started to run away yelping. The other timberwolves saw that the leader of the pack was running so they followed suit, sprinting away from the girls and Zaphod, who was standing there smugly. "What was that." Twilight gawked, as Zaphod put the candle back in the lantern and handed it back to her. "Just a little something I thought up of on the spot." Zaphod replied. "How did you know it would work?" Rarity asked. "I didn't, I just thought if I was going to die I at least wanted to watch something burn." Zaphod replied nonchalantly. The girls stared at him and started giggling. "You're crazy arentcha?" Applejack asked, still giggling slightly. "Probably." Zaphod said with a shrug. "Well thank you for doing that." Twilight said. "That was quick thinking. Let's go find your friends." "Right behind you." Zaphod laughed, and they all started to follow the tracks again.
Chapter 6Zaphod and the girls soon found themselves at a small hut in the middle of the forest. "It looks just like Ruler of the Universes house." Zaphod muttered. "The Ruler of the Universe?" Twilight giggled. "Yeah, if you met him you would laugh even harder." Zaphod said, laughing with Twilight. Twilight then knocked on the door to the hut and Ford answered slowly. "Ford? Where is Zecora?" Twilight asked. "Who is Zecora?" Arthur asked from behind Ford. "She is the zebra that lives here." Twilight said. "And here I was hoping this place was abandoned." Ford said. "I mean really, who would want to live in the middle of this place?" Arthur asked. "She must be insane." "Zecora is not crazy. She brews potions and most of her ingredients can only be found in the forest." Twilight said "A zebra, eh?" Zaphod asked. "I rememebr seeing one of those from my brief time on earth. You ever see one Trill?" "I've seen pictures of them but I have never actually seen them." Trillian said. "They're not much to look at." Ford said. "Though I've always wondered if they were white with black stripes, or black with white stripes." "What if they have black and white stripes, and are a third color underneath?" Pinkie asked, she then gasped. "What if they are two different colors underneath on top of them having black and white stripes?" Zaphod looked over at Pinkie and smirked. "I like the way you think." Zaphod said. "I like the way I think too!" Pinkie giggled. One of the doors inside the hut swung open and Zecora came out with a confused expression on her face. "Zecora I presume?" Ford said, extending his hoof. Zecora glanced at Fords hoof warily. She looked over at the girls and eased up and grabbed Fords hoof and shook. "My name is Zecora, that much is true. You seem to know about me, yet I know nothing of you." "So she's a poet?" Zaphod asked. "No, she just only speaks in rhyme." Twilight said. "My name is Ford. The one that is talking to Twilight is Zaphod. The other girl is Trillian, one sitting next to her is Arthur, and the white pony with the green eyes is Marvin." Ford said. "It is nice to meet Ford, even under this circumstance. But I still wonder, are you here just because of chance?" Zecora asked. "Well we were just being chased by timberwolves, and I think they are still out there." Ford said. "I apologize for us barging in, but we were sort of in a hurry." "Think nothing of it, a friend of Twilight is a friend of mine." Zecora said. "The timberwolves will leave soon, just give it time." "That is getting annoying." Zaphod muttered. "For once we agree on something." Arthur said. "Hey Ford, how do you know so much about this place?" Zaphod ask. "I have been here before..." Ford said. "You have been here before?" Twilight asked. "Maybe I should tell the princess that you are he-" "No." Ford said, interrupting Twilight. "I mean,uh , I'm sure Celestia is extremely busy." Twilight shared a look with all the girls, but they just shrugged it off. The group of them sat down and waited for the timberwolves to leave. Zecora had went back to her room to research a flower that she needs for one of her potions. "So do you think they left yet?" Arthur asked. "Yeah, they probably did." Ford said. "As I have said, they aren't out to kill us, they just want us to leave their home." "This place is horrible." Marvin muttered, staring out the window. "Yeah, yeah." Zaphod grunted. "This place is terrible, everything is depressing, all that jazz. Seriously Marvin, get some new material." "You don't have to be so mean to him..." Fluttershy said quietly. Zaphod looked at Fluttershy and she shrank and gave a whimper. "Hey Marvin, it looks like you have someone who likes you." Zaphod chirped. "Someone likes me?" Marvin scoffed. "I can tell that it is just pity." "You're right. He is a downer." Rainbow Dash said. "Let's just get out of here." Ford said, getting up off the floor. The group of them nodded and made their way out the door. They trekked through the forest and in no time found them out of Everfree Forest. The sun has fully disappeared and the moon is slowly rising. Fords eyes lingered on the moon with a quizzical look but shook it off after a couple seconds. "So what now?" Ford asked. "I could use some sleep." Zaphod said. "You were sleeping when you left her place though." Arthur said. "Your point?" Zaphod asked. "Well I have a spare room at my place, but not enough for all of you." Twilight said. "Does anypony else have a place for them to sleep?" "We have a couple spare beds back at the acres." Applejack said. "One of them could stay at Sugarcube Corner!" Pinkie said. "That sounds like my kind of place." Zaphod said with a grin. "So we need one more bed." Twilight said. "One of them could sleep at my home, I guess." Fluttershy said. Zaphod then pushed Marvin ahead of him and laughed. "Looks like we have a volunteer." Zaphod said. "I'll stay at Twilights place for now." Ford said. "I need to flip through some of her history books to check up on something anyways." "Alright, looks like you two will be stayin' at my place." Applejack said, nodding at Arthur and Trillian. "Sounds great." Trillian said with a warm smile. "Thanks for doing this." "Don't mention it." Applejack said, meeting her warm smile. "How 'bout you Arthur?" "Hm? Oh yeah, sounds good I guess." Arthur said. The group then said their goodbyes and parted ways for the rest of the night. Ford and Twilight made good time getting to her house. "So what book do you need?" Twilight asked, opening the door to her house. "Any book that shows historical figures in Equestria." Ford said. "Preferably one that stretched at least one thousand years."
Chapter 4"Marvin!" Arthur yelled frantically, running to nowhere in particular. "Marvin where are you?" "How far could he have gone?" Trillian asked, trying to keep up with Ford. "Well, considering he has the mind the size of a planet, I would assume not very far at all." Ford said. "But it's WHERE he could have gone that worries me. This world was not meant to hold such sorrow." "Why? What can he do that would be so bad?" Arthur asked, glancing in every which direction. "A wise man once said that a immensely depressed robot said is always capable of only doing one thing you can know for sure." Ford Said. "And what is that?" Trillian asked, scared for what the answer might be. "I don't know." Ford said. "All I remember was that it was something incredibly bad." "Oh that makes me feel much better about our predicament." Arthur yelled. "This way!" Ford yelled, making a sharp towards a forest. "Of course he would go in the forest..." "Wait, how do you know where he is?" Arthur asked. Ford shook his head. "No time to explain, just move." Ford muttered. Arthur shared an unsure glance with Trillian, and then hoofed it after Ford, who was running full speed ahead towards an eerie forest. It didn't take them long to make it to the foot of the forest, but when they did Ford stopped and closed his eyes. "Why did you stop?" Trillian asked. Ford let out a sigh. "Stop talking for one damned minute." Ford snapped. Trillian was taken aback and fell into a silence. "This way." Ford said, running straight into the forest. "We need to get there as fast as we can." "Why?" Arthur asked. "You don't want to know." Ford yelled, quickly gaining speed. Back at Twilights place the girls came back into the room where they thought the others were sitting, only to find Zaphod by himself, snoring heavily on the floor. "Is he okay?" Fluttershy asked, standing next to Zaphod, putting her ear to his chest. "He still has a heartbeat." "I saw him feel good when he drank this!" Pinkie Pie said, picking up Zaphods flask. "I wonder what it is?" Twilight asked. "Only one way to find out!" Pinkie Pie said, taking a tiny sip of the flask. Pinkie Pie eyes went white and she dropped the flask on the ground and started trembling. "Pinkie are y'all right?" Applejack asked, approaching Pinkie. Pinkie Pies face then went green and she spewed all over the floor. "What in Celestias name is in there?" Rainbow Dash asked, glancing nervously to the flask. "I don't know, but whatever it is it tastes yucky." Pinkie groaned, scrubbing her tongue with her hoof. "It may taste disgusting at first." Zaphod groaned, finding himself extremely queasy. "But it grows on you." "Oh good you're fine." Twilight said. "I was beginning to get worried." "Yeah, don't worry about me, that happens sometimes when I drink out of that flask." Zaphod laughed deeply. "What vile concoction is in it?" Rarity asked. "You know that awesome drink I was telling you about?" Zaphod asked, to which Rarity replied with a simple nod. "Yeah, it's that." "So the "awesome" drink that you like so much makes you sick and then tired?" Twilight asked. "Yeah, actually, that is exactly what it does." Zaphod said, raising the flask to the girls. "Any of you want a sip?" All the girls looked at Pinkie, whose face was completely flushed. They then glared at Zaphod and shook their heads. "Suit yourself." Zaphod shrugged. "More for me." This, however, was a redundant statement. The reason it was redundant is because when Zaphod was the fake president of the galaxy, and coincidentally a couple hours before he stole the Heart of Gold, he hired the greatest scientists in the world to invent a container that would regenerate any liquid put into it forever. It wasn't until later that they realized this was a mistake. "Where did the others go?" Twilight asked, trying to change the subject. Zaphod then glanced around lazily. "I was about to ask you the same thing." "Oh this can't be good." Applejack said. Back at the forest, Ford, Trillian and Arthur found themselves behind a bush, watching a huge towering beast, growling at Marvin, who stared at it indifferently. "Do it. You would be doing everybody a favor." Marvin moaned. "What is that thing?" Arthur whispered. "I don't know." Trillian replied. "But it seems to be a lion, with a scorpions tail and a set of wings." "It's called a manticore." Ford said. "The only thing we can do is hope Marvin some how makes it go away. If we try to intervene it will probably kill us all." "And I was beginning to think we finally made it to a completely happy, safe and mostly harmless world." Arthur said. "I've been to mostly harmless planet before." Ford said. "It was a nice place while it lasted." "What happened to it?" Arthur asked. "It got blown up by the Vogons to make room for an intergalactic highway." Ford said with a laugh. Arthur glared darts at him. "What? Are you not going to do anything?" Marvin asked somberly. "Oh I get it. Big vicious creature that can hurt anything decides to go soft once someone begs to be put out of his misery." With that, the manticore turned around and ran back in it's gave. "Come back here and do it you mangy creature." Marin said, slightly louder than he usually speaks. "Even when I yell at him he doesn't do anything. What does an ex robot have to do on this planet to get mercy killed." "For some strange reason I kind of saw that coming." Arthur said loud enough so that Marvin could hear. "So that's why it ran back in the cave. What are you... things... doing here?" Marvin asked. "We're here to bring you back to Twilight's home." Trillian replied. "I wasn't talking to you." Marvin said, pointing behind them. "I was talking to them." Arthur, Ford and Trillian slowly turned to see that there were dozens of wolves in the trees, seemingly blending in. "Are they made out of... wood?" Arthur whispered to Ford. "Timberwolves." Ford said. "Just great."
