The Real Ponyville Confidential
Is the Crystal Empire really safe? Why did Twilight Sparkle really become a Princess? Who really controls the entertainment in Ponyville? And the secret scheme behind the Bits and Gems in your pocket. These are some of the incredible truths revealed on The Real Ponyville Confidential, with me, your host, Gary Stu - which is, of course, not my real name - as I show you who and what runs your Equestria. We've got a variety of interesting releases to discover today, so it should be another great show today - as long as they don't take me off the air.
Recently there was a media release from the 'Equestria Science Division' letting us know they are working on a new invention - the 'micro-wave'. According to the document, this 'micro-wave' cooks whatever is inside it using the amazing technology of - get this - microwaves. What is the monarchy thinking? A box that uses smaller boxes to cook food inside of it? And yes, this is coming from your hard-earned tax Bits. Apparently it uses the secrets of '...radiation, which vibrates particles, causing them to expand and heat'. Now, as an extreme fascist, I am not ashamed to say that I've seen this kind of thing before. Speaking of Hoofoshima, I have a letter here from a fellow listener who goes by the name of 'Ms. Smith' (lovin' that alias). She says she's in her retirement years and has been noticing some strange on-goings within the surroundings of Ponyville. I'll read a portion of the letter now.
'...I know what those dragons do - they gotta migrate every damn year. But I noticed they leave small contrails, flying through and past the clouds of Ponyville. How do I know that they aren't chemical or biological agents flying over my Acres of Sweet Apples? We're crops, Gary. Crops waiting to be dusted. And if you're like me, living in a farmhouse on a low density area, you too would know that something's wrong when all your own kids want to work for you, rather than go out to town and have a social life.'
Yes. Yes, this is absolutely true. See, this was a technique initiated by scientists back in the 1910s over The United Queendom - using crop dusters for population control - and was then perfected by (you guessed it) Hooftler in the 1940s. We'll be back with more perception deceptions right after this short break.
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