Discord, Q, and Sheldon Lee Cooper

Chapters

Prologue A: eQuus
Prologue B: The Fandom Collision
Prologue C: Where Three Worlds Meet

Prologue A: eQuus

The Starship Enterprise rushed through space at top speed towards a spacial anomaly that no one could explain. As usual, it was up to Captain Picard and the Enterprise crew to investigate.

Captain’s log, stardate 42693.4. We are en route to a spacial anomaly that has been given the nickname “Equus” due to strange readings that would indicate equine life forms. Nobody knows what this thing is or why we can detect equine readings in it, but I do know one thing: it doesn’t make any sense, and that can only mean one thing that can be spelled with only one letter...

“Data, report,” Picard said as he walked across the bridge.

“Nothing has changed about the anomaly, Captain,” Data replied. “All we know about it so far is that it exists. That’s literally it.”

“Then perhaps it’s beyond your comprehension,” an all-too familiar voice said. Captain Picard turned slowly to find that his worst fear about this whole expedition had been confirmed.

“What are you doing here, Q?” Picard asked.

“It’s nice to see you, too, old pal,” Q replied. “Let me guess, you’re investigating this spacial anomaly too, aren’t you?”

“You mean you have nothing to do with it?”

“Eh... I never said that.” Q then snapped his finger and teleported to where Data was sitting. “You’re detecting equine-like life forms in this thing, am I correct?”

“Yes,” Data replied. “How would you know this?”

“Let’s just say... I’ve had experience with ‘equine-like’ things before.” Q snapped his finger again and this time teleported to the far side of the bridge. “You’re going to need an away team to investigate this, and I will gladly volunteer as one member.”

“You are not coming with us, Q,” Picard said. “Get off my ship.”

“Captain,” Commander Riker said, “perhaps we shouldn’t be so quick to give Q the boot this time around. He seems to know what’s going on.”

“Thank you, Wil,” Q said.

“Don’t milk this sympathy,” Riker said to Q.

“Why, it’s very obvious Q knows what’s going on,” Picard said. “That’s why I’m sure he’s trying to lead us into a trap.”

“Now when in all the years we’ve known each other have you known me to lure you and your crew into a trap?” Q asked. “Honestly, Picard, I thought we were friends.”

“Q does have a point, Captain,” Data said. “If memory serves me correctly, he has never been entirely malevolent in his antics.”

Picard gave a defeated grumble before continuing. “Very well,” he finally said. “Data, Riker... Q, all three of you are coming with me to investigate this thing.” Just then, Q teleported behind Piccard holding a set of keys and wearing a large hat, a Hawaiian shirt, sunglasses, and some sunscreen on his nose.

“Road trip!” Q said. “I call shotgun.” Piccard turned to face Q with an annoyed expression and grabbed the keys out of his hands.

“If this is anything dangerous, you’ll be sorry,” Picard said through gritted teeth.

“I’m sure I will be,” Q replied. “After all, it’s not like I would willingly throw your crew into the mouth of a volcano or anything.”

Picard, Riker, Data, and Q all boarded a landing craft to get ready to investigate the anomaly. “Now, I’m going to give you three a few warning about this thing,” Q said. “Whatever happens, and no matter how absurd my instructions may be, follow them. The life forms we’re going to encounter are very hostile but are entirely invulnerable to your little phaser guns.”

“Hostile life forms?” Picard asked.

“Ah, you and your crew will be fine. But, uh, one word of advice that won’t make sense until later... don’t provoke the yellow one. She’s the most dangerous of them all.”

Picard and Riker looked at each other for a moment, probably hoping one of them would be able to tell the other what Q’s warning meant. “Q,” Picard said, “if there’s something we need to know before we get down there...”

“Oh, you wouldn’t come if you knew what was going to happen,” Q said. He then snapped his finger and the landing craft instantly took off.

“Data, stop this craft!” Picard shouted.

“I cannot, Captain,” Data replied, struggling with the controls. “Q is controlling it.”

Within seconds, the away team was within viewing distance of the anomaly. It was a large white swirling thing with a bright epicenter. “We’re going straight into the heart of it,” Q said. “If we try to get in through anywhere else, this puny ship will be torn to shreds.”

“I thought you said this wasn’t going to be dangerous!” Picard shouted.

“No, I said I would never throw your crew into the mouth of a volcano.” Q smirked as the ship hurdled towards the anomaly. “Everypony hold on to something!”

“Did he just say-?” Data started. However, he was cut off when the ship suddenly penetrated the barrier of the anomaly and began shaking and rocking. “Captain, I don’t think this ship will survive this endeavour!”

“Everything is going to be fine,” Q assured the group.

“Does this look like-?” Picard shouted. However, he was cut off when the entire ship was engulfed in a flash of pure white light that felt almost solid even.

Picard opened his eyes slowly and had a throbbing headache. He was mildly aware of the fact that his ship had crashed, but he wasn’t sure if Data or Riker survived. “Data? Riker? Anyone?” Picard called.

“Oh don’t look so worried,” Picard heard Q say. “They’re both fine.”

Picard looked up to face Q with an angry expression. “Q, what have you-?” However, Picard was cut off when he found not the Q he knew, but rather what looked like a small blue horse with a horn, wings, a black mane, and wearing a Starfleet uniform. “Q? Is that you?”

“Yes, it’s me,” the strange-looking horse replied. “But you shouldn’t be so surprised, Jean-Luc. It’s not like you’re any different.”

Confused, Picard looked down at his own hooves, fear already coursing through his body. “Q... what have you done!?”

Prologue B: The Fandom Collision

In a small comic book store somewhere in Pasadena, California, Sheldon Cooper, Leonard Hofstadter, Howard Wolowitz, and Rajesh Koothrappali were all looking through comic books. (Duh.) It was generally silent before Sheldon spoke up. “You wanna know something that’s baffled me about the Doctor Who slash Star Trek crossover, Assimilation Squared?” he asked Leonard.

“The fact that they used Cybermen instead of Daleks?” Leonard replied.

“No. I think using the Cybermen was a great call. What I was wondering is why the Cybermen turned on the Borg before the Borg turned on the Cybermen.”

Leonard was silent for a moment as he looked up at Sheldon with a confused expression. “That is a good point,” Leonard finally said.

Meanwhile, Raj was talking with Stewart, the owner of the comic book store. “So, what’s up, Stewart?” Raj asked.

“Well other than my life being a lonely pile of crap...” Steward started, “...not much.” There was an awkward pause before Stewart spoke again. “Actually, something interesting has happened. You know the actor John de Lancie?”

At that moment, Raj and Sheldon excitedly asked two different things at the exact same time.

“The actor who portrayed Q in Star Trek: The Next Generation?” Sheldon asked.

“The voice actor who plays Discord from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic?” Raj asked. (I just want to point this out. How funny would it be to hear “My Little Pony” said with an indian accent?)

Stewart was silent for a moment while trying to figure out what the two nerds had said. “Yeah, him,” he finally said. “He’s going to grace this pathetic little comic book store with his presence.”

“Oh, this is incredible!” Sheldon said, jogging over to where Stewart was. “I finally have an opportunity to get my Star Trek: The Next Generation Phaser signed by Q himself!”

“And I have an opportunity to get my Princess Twilight Sparkle figurine signed by Discord himself!” Raj said.

“Well come by tomorrow,” Stewart said. “He’ll be here.”

“This is going to be so exciting,” Raj said to himself. “This is an opportunity second only to meeting Lauren Faust herself.”

“This is going to be so exciting,” Sheldon said to himself. “This is an opportunity second only to meeting Gene Roddenberry himself.”

That night, the gang was gathered in Leonard and Sheldon’s apartment and accompanied by Bernadette, Penny, and Amy.

“John de Lancie’s really coming to Pasadena?” Bernadette asked Howard.

“Yeah,” Howard replied.

“Oh my god, the John de Lancie?” Penny asked.

There was a slight pause before Leonard asked Penny, “Do you even know who John de Lancie is?”

“For once, yes I do. He played some guy from My Little Pony.”

“I’m sorry, but I have to interject there,” Sheldon said. “I can’t help but notice that several people around here are thinking that John de Lancie played a character from My Little Pony, which is a show for little girls about colorful pastel ponies.”

“HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT!” Raj shouted. He was about to continue, but the only reason he was able to talk in front of the girls was through that quick shot of rage. As his social anxiety finally caught up to him, he silently sat back down and started chugging his beer so he could continue.

“Sheldon, John de Lancie did play a role on My Little Pony,” Amy said. “He played the villain Discord, who actually acts a lot like Q from Star Trek.”

“My Little Pony is not a show for little girls!” Raj said, now thoroughly drunk and able to talk around women... but still thoroughly drunk. “You may not know this, but the show has a massive following among adult men who go by the general term ‘bronies’.”

“Really?” Sheldon asked. “That’s absurd. How could men like a show that’s designed to sell pastel equine figurines?”

“You take that back right now!”

“Now now, let’s not start fighting,” Leonard said. “Raj has a right to be a brony, Sheldon, and bronies have just as much of a right to exist as Trekkies or Whovians.”

“No they don’t,” Sheldon said. “They’re men who like a show for little girls.”

Raj was really getting steamed at what Sheldon was saying, so Amy decided to interject. “Sheldon, why don’t you let this go? It’s little more than a slight disagreement.”

“No it’s not,” Howard said. “Sheldon likes Star Trek, Raj likes My Little Pony... I think we have a fandom war on our hands, people... and Sheldon is one of the contestants.”

“Do not make me use my Royal Canterlot Voice on you, Sheldon, because I will do it!” Raj shouted.

“What is that?” Sheldon asked. “Your pretty pony version of Klingon?”

In a very crappy imitation of Princess Luna’s voice (also in an indian accent), Raj shouted, “THOU DOST NOT POSSES THE RIGHT TO MOCK OUR FANDOM IN THIS FASHION! WE SHALL FIGHT THEE UNTIL THOU ADMITS DEFEAT!”

“Consider that challenge accepted. *insert “But I will be the one to defeat you.” in Klingon*”

“Well, it’s getting late,” Penny said. “I already mooched dinner off of you guys, so I’m gonna head home.”

“You aren’t going to stay?” Howard asked. “This is going to be exciting.”

“Nope. Sorry.” With that, Penny left the apartment.

“Penny’s right, Sheldon,” Leonard said. “It’s late and you have to be up early tomorrow to meet John de Lancie.”

“Very well,” Sheldon said. “Rajesh Koothrappali, we shall resume this battle tomorrow.”

“Well you best bring your A-game,” Raj said, “cuz we gonna go all Pinkie Pie on yo’ flank if you’re not careful.”

The two nerds stared each other down for a moment before both turned to leave the room.

“Too bad Penny left the room,” Howard said.

“Why is that?” Leonard asked.

“Because she could probably tell us what the hell Raj just said.”

The next day, the four nerds (not accompanied by their female companions for obvious reasons) were at the comic book store. However, Howard and Leonard agreed to keep Sheldon and Raj separate to keep them from fighting.

Unfortunately, though, it came to Raj and Sheldon being inside the store at the same time, even though they were in two separate places in line.

Sheldon was further up in line, so he got to John de Lancie first, holding his toy phaser in shaky hands. “Mr. Lancie,” Sheldon said. “Let me just say what an honor this is to be in your presence.”

“Okay,” John de Lancie replied. “So, what do you want me to sign? Breaking Bad poster? MLP comic?”

“Now why is everyone obsessed over this stupid show about little ponies?”

“Excuse me?” Raj shouted from further back in line. “How dare you call the show stupid!”

“I’m sorry,” Sheldon said. “Should I go back to the standard adjective ‘girly’?”

“Oh, that is it! I challenge you to a duel!”

“*Klingon for “You shall be defeated!”*” Sheldon then started pretending to fire his toy phaser.

“Have a little taste of PRINCESS TWILIGHT, BITCH!” Raj started aiming his Twilight figurine towards Sheldon, making shooting sounds with his mouth.

“Should we stop them?” Leonard asked. “They look kind of pathetic pretending to shoot those things like that.”

“No, let them battle,” Howard said. “John de Lancie will break them up himself if it’s meant to be so.”

John de Lancie was certainly annoyed by the two nerds fighting as they were and honestly wanted to break them up. So, he did the only thing that he thought would get their attention.

He snapped his fingers.

However, rather than the two nerds breaking up their fight, they both disappeared in two flashes of white light. “Oh crap,” John said. “This is BronyCon all over again.”

“What the hell happened?” Leonard shouted.

John turned to where Leonard and Howard were standing. “You two. Were you their friends?”

“Yes,” Howard said. “What happened to them.”

“The energy created from their two fandoms colliding created an imbalance, which was the reason I accidentally sent them to where they currently are. Listen, you two. They don’t belong in the world I sent them to, and if you don’t go and keep an eye on them, said other world won’t stand a chance against their combined might.”

“Might?” Leonard asked. “How would Sheldon have-”

“Never mind that. Come over here.” Leonard and Howard stepped forward in front of John. “I’m going to send you to this world, but there’s a fatal imbalance going on there, so you’ll have to figure out how to fix it if you want any chance of coming back.”

“Wait,” Leonard said. “Why are we going if we might not come back.”

“Because if that world is destroyed, this one is sure to follow suit. Now, are you ready?”

Leonard and Howard looked at each other for a moment, then Howard turned back to John. “We’ll do our best.”

“Very well. Oh, by the way, say hi to me in that other world for me.” John then snapped his fingers and the two nerds disappeared in two flashes of white light. “Yup. Both Earth and Equestria are screwed.”

Sheldon woke up with a huge headache. “Oh god...” he said to himself. “What happened? Where’s the comic book store?” Just then, Sheldon let out a horrified gasp. “Where’s my limited edition Star Trek: The Next Generation Phaser!?”

Sheldon’s train of thought was quickly derailed (there’s a joke there) when he heard Raj shout. “YEAH! I WAS RIGHT! KISS MY PLOT, BEE-YATCH!”

“What’s going on?” Sheldon asked. He looked around for Raj, at the same time realizing that he was in some sort of park. He tried to get up, but he quickly fell flat on his face. “Ow. Why am I suddenly so uncoordinated?” Sheldon tried to get up on all fours to continue looking around when he quickly realized that he didn’t even have feet anymore. They had been replaced with weird stubs that he somehow subliminally identified as one thing.

Hooves.

“Oh friggity-frac. Not this again.”

Prologue C: Where Three Worlds Meet

Fluttershy trotted around her cottage nervously looking for Discord, who was still living with her ever since he was “reformed.” Despite his change of heart, he was still quite the hooffull. “Discord?” Fluttershy called.

“Up here,” Discord said from above Fluttershy. The pegasus looked up to find Discord sitting upside down in a chair that was attached to the ceiling. “Come have a seat. I’m making tea.”

Fluttershy took a deep breath before continuing. “No, thank you. I just wanted to remind you that we were going to go see Twilight today.”

“Alright,” Discord said, sipping his tea that somehow didn’t spill out of its upside down cup.

“Um, if I remember right, that was scheduled for right now.”

“Oh, right.” Discord snapped his finger and all the furniture that was on the ceiling was placed neatly back on the ground. “Must have totally slipped my mind. Alright, let’s go.”

“Wait a second,” Fluttershy said, giving Discord a glare that was a couple tiers lower than The Stare. “You know why we can’t leave yet.”

“Oh fine.” Discord then snapped his fingers and the teapot opened, allowing Angel Bunny to finally crawl out of it. “I swear, he started it this time.”

“I don’t care who started it however many times. You have no right to pick on him like that.”

“Hay, weren’t we going to go see Twilight Sparkle?”

“Yes we were, but what do you have to say to Angel first?”

Discord groaned before turning to the bunny that was still trying to get tea out of his ears. “I’msorryAngelBunny. Happy?” Angel stuck his tongue out at Discord before hopping away. “I swear, Angel, one of these days...” Discord stopped when he realized that Fluttershy was giving him a glare that was now only one tier away from The Stare. “One of these days I’m going to do something really nice for that bunny,” Discord said with a totally not forced smile.

“Better,” Fluttershy said. “Alright, we can go now.” The pegasus and draconequus then departed the cottage.

Rather than fly or teleport, Discord agreed to walk to Twilight’s library with Fluttershy. “What did you want to talk to me about this time?” Discord asked.

“I wanted to talk about your behavior recently,” Fluttershy replied. “You may be good instead of evil, but your antics still get on everypony’s nerves.”

“What are you talking about?” Discord asked. Just then, he snapped his fingers and a nearby bench Lyra and Bon Bon were sitting on started floating.

“Discord!” Fluttershy angrily shouted.

“What? They’re only a few feet off the ground. They can get down safely if they want to.”

Fluttershy was about to respond, but she looked over to see that Bon Bon had gotten down, but Lyra seemed to be enjoying the floating bench. Fluttershy gave a defeated sigh before continuing. “The bench aside, you still tend to get on other ponies’ nerves with your other antics. I don’t think I need to remind you about those cactus muffins last week.”

“That?” Discord asked, obviously trying to keep himself from giggling at the memory. “It’s not like anypony got really hurt.”

“No, but in case you didn’t know, Derpy is still in the hospital.”

“For observation. She’s completely fine now. We could swing by the hospital so I can show you if you want.”

“No, that’s quite alright. Still, there’s also that bit where you painted moustaches on Cheerilee’s cutie mark.”

“It washed off... after a few days...”

“My point, Discord, is that you need to learn to keep yourself from performing such ridiculous pranks.”

“Again, it’s not like anypony gets seriously hurt.”

“Just yesterday. Time Turner and the fake Daleks.”

“Fine! Maybe my pranks get a little out of hoof every once in a while, but I haven’t turned Ponyville into the chaos capitol of the world again, have I?”

“That’s just what I’m afraid you’re going to wind up doing.” Just as Fluttershy said this, the two arrived at Twilight’s. Fluttershy knocked on the door. “Twilight. Are you home?” There was no answer. “Hm. She isn’t home. Odd. She told us she’d be here by now.”

“I’m here!” Twilight called as she flew in and landed in front of the two. “Sorry I’m late. Princess Celestia wanted to talk about something important.”

“That’s okay,” Fluttershy said.

“Now then,” Discord said, “what exactly did you want to see me for, Princess?”

“I wanted to try a new spell,” Twilight said. “However, my magic isn’t quite strong enough on its own to cast the spell. That’s where I’m hoping you’ll come in.”

Discord was about to say no, but looked over at Fluttershy who gave him an evil wink. “Fine,” Discord finally said. “I’ll help you.”

“Good. Now, let’s get out of town. There’s no telling what this spell will do if any civilians are around to goof it up. Then again, there’s no telling what this spell will do if you’re here to goof it up.”

Discord shot Twilight an angry glare, but said, “Alright. Let’s go to wherever we need to be to get this to work ‘properly,’ as you boring little ponies say.” Discord then snapped his fingers and the three were teleported to a field outside of Ponyville. The same one where the Elements of Harmony were used to free Discord a few months ago.

“Okay,” Twilight said. “Just focus some energy on me. I’ll handle actually casting the spell.”

“Very well,” Discord said. He then pointed his paw at Twilight and funneled some magic to her while she began casting the spell.

After a while, Twilight’s horn gained not two, but three layers of overglow as her hooves dug themselves at least two inches into the ground. “Almost... done...” Twilight said while straining. However, before the spell could finish, a huge metal object crashed right where Discord was standing.

“DISCORD!” Fluttershy shouted.

“What?” Discord asked, teleporting behind Fluttershy. “It’s gonna take a lot more than whatever that is to stop me from causing chaos.”

Fluttershy rushed up and hugged Discord, but Twilight was massaging her head and looking over at what the metal thing was. “What the hay is that?” she asked herself. She trotted over to it to investigate it, but when she got to it, she could have sworn she heard voices coming from it.

”You shouldn’t be so surprised, Jean-Luc,” a strangely familiar voice said. ”It’s not like you’re any different”

”Q... what have you done!?” another, less familiar but much angrier voice asked the first voice.

“Discord, Fluttershy,” Twilight called. “There’s somepony trapped in here. We need to get them out!”

Discord and Fluttershy got up to help Twilight, but stopped when they noticed two ponies who appeared out of nowhere a little further away. It looked like one of them was talking, but he was too far away to be heard. The second pony, on the other hoof, shouted at a crystal clear volume, “YEAH! I WAS RIGHT! KISS MY PLOT, BEE-YATCH!”

“None of this was supposed to happen...” Twilight said to herself.