Paul the strange bipedal raccoon was strapped into a chair with John in the room with him. "Don't worry Paul! This shouldn't hurt a bit!" he called out, hiding behind a blast-proof window.
"Is all this really necessary? I mean why the restraints?" Paul yelled, rocking the chair a bit.
"It's for your own safety!" John called back, his hand on a lever.
"On the count of three! One! Two!" with that he pulled the lever and a large machine above Paul's head suddenly started whirring louder and louder until there was a large flash and then, no more Paul, just a chair.
Paul was flying through a rip in the universe, screaming his head off, then he landed very softly in the middle of a forest with a loud bang and a flash of light. Looking around Paul sat up, rubbing his wrists, taking in the environment that he was now in.
Rainbow Dash was soaring through the clear blue skies over the everfree forest. The weird creepy stuff in there can't hurt her from high in the sky. Then she heard a loud bang and a flash of light. "Oh what the Hay" she said. She flew lower to investigate. The Everfree forest isn't like the rest of Equestria, the clouds move by themselves and it is full of dangerous predators. She spied an odd looking red furry creature but didn't want to get too close. "I should tell Twilight or Pinkie Pie about this" She flew away from where Paul had landed, at supersonic speeds leaving a rainbow trail behind her.
Paul looked up at the rainbow, that unlike most rainbows didn't arc, it was simply a pretty straight line. He sighed a bit "I don't even know where I am." he said, sitting up and sniffing the air "I don't know these smells..."
A couple of minutes later voices echoed through the enormous trees. "Pinkie how did you even get here so quickly?"
"Ooh," says a high pitched squealing voice, "I told you my pinkie sense. ear-flop, eye-flutter, knee-twitch, means a door opening, and tail-spin, eye flutter knee wobble, means a door opening from somewhere else and something came through and we don't know what it is but we do know its in the forest so I came to the forest and did the thing you saw land on a tree or under a tree or?"
A pink pony and a blue pegasus come into view of Paul.
By now Paul was chilling in a tree, his panda senses tingling as he watched the two blinking a few times and thinking to himself "...I wonder where I can find some glasses?"
Pinkie spied Paul in the tree and let out a huge gasp and leaped in the air. A few seconds later she was somehow next to Paul leaving the blue pegasus flapping behind her.
"Oh my goodness, this is the thing, I found the thing, you are the thing aren't you, Gosh I'm excited are you excited furry thing? Cos Im excited and I never met you before and nothing like this has ever happened in like ever and we can make lots of new friends and AHHHH, what are those?" Pinkie indicates the end of Pauls Limbs.
Paul looks down at his paws "...they're paws." he started to say, "I'm...excited 'cause I'm in a new world, but I'm also scared because I don't know what it has in store for me. By the way, my name is Paul."
"Oooo" Both ponies say simultaneously. The three predominant species of Equestria, those who had sentience and language were cows sheep and ponies, all hoofed entities. Non-hoofed entities which had opposable digits and could talk included minotaurs and dragons and needless to say they were an oddity. Creatures with paws were usually dumb or wild or both, the ponies were fascinated by Paul and stared intently at Pauls' limbs. There was an uncomfortable Paws. (Badum psh)
"Well" said the blue Pegasus "I'm called Rainbow Dash and this is Pinkie Pie, but if your scared then the Everfree forest isn't the best place for introductions."
The howl of a timberwolf cut across her voice. "Right on cue" Rainbow Dash hovers near Paul and spreads her back out, "Hop on, we'd better all get back to Ponyville."
Paul grumbled a bit, getting onto Rainbow Dash "Yeah, let's go." he said holding on tightly.
Rainbow Dash couldn't reach sonic rainboom speeds with a passenger but still made the center of Ponyville in ten minutes flat. Pinkie as usual had mysteriously overtaken her. Rainbow Dash grunted in frustration and sat down, unceremoniously dumping Paul in the process. She turned and said "Hey I gotta Dash, Pinkie can show you round... Hey Pinkie keep him AWAY from Twilight Sparkle, the egghead will probably want to run tests on him or something."
Pinkie Pie puts a hoof over her eye and says "Okie Dokie Loki" Then as Rainbow dashes off she looked at Paul with a grin so wide it threatened to consume her entire face.
Paul blinked a few times from being dumped on the floor, he sat up and observed Pinkie smiling at him "...I wanna throw a monkey wrench in your attitude." he said smiling, "Do you have a cute ass?"
"An ass? No silly Billy I have a pet alligator, his names gummy, would you like to meet him? Oh I bet you would, what would you like to do?"
Paul shrugged a bit, he shimmied and then started hammer sliding across the cobbles, "I meant your butt, do you have a cute butt?" he looks around "I assume you do."
"My but what? Ohhh, you mean... my Flankside. Oh I see what you did there. Hee hee Hee."
Pinkie Giggled and started bouncing around Paul. "Oh wait we have to go to sugarcube corner, you can follow... from behind if you want," She said cheekily, waving her tail in Pauls' face.
"Yeah...I think it's called your plot." he said standing up.
"I have no idea what you're talking about you strange retard," said Pinkie, frowning slightly.
"Let's go to...sugarcube then. I'll follow you." he said with a grin.
Bounce bounce bounce.
"If you're looking there you can look at my cutie mark. All ponies have them. Mine is three balloons which means I'm good at throwing parties."
Bounce bounce bounce,
"Altho someone said once that the balloons actually represent three universes that are parallel to each other and I can access them, they're what they call pocket universes, the balloon strings tangling up were the worlds colliding otherwise known as string theory and that's cool and awesome cos you're from another universe."
Bounce bounce bounce
"But I still think they're just balloons though. Here we are SugarCube corner, get in and I'll bake you some CUPCAKES!"
Paul suddenly perked up "CUPCAKES!" he rushed inside.
"Is there a table, I dunno...it's a restaurant type thing right?"
"Restaurant slash bakery type thing" Pinkie Pie reassured him with a grin. "The owners are out I'll be in charge of the baking."
So Paul simply waited at the table, his tail swooshing back and fourth happily, wanting to have some cup cakes.
Pinkie Starts Singing in the kitchen
She clearly got a lot of practice and pretty soon the first batch of cupcakes is ready although they look a little burnt and she served them up to Paul. "Lemme know what you think" She said with a wink.
Paul took one and his tail maw swallowed it down hungrily, as he pats it, "It's a little burned."
"Aww, well you can always help with the next batch" Suddenly Paul felt something sucking on his feet leaving a large dose of Saliva. A little yellow unicorn filly was under the table. "Om nom nom" She said.
Pinkie Gasps "Pumpkin Cake! The guests come here to eat food not the other way round." She picks the foal up. "Sorry about her, she is a little menace when she's hungry, she'll try and eat anything." She puts Pumpkin Cake on Pauls table.
"Yeah, well I can't really blame her. I've always been told I'm one tasty guy." he says licking his finger "Mmm...I am tasty." he smiled biting off his paw, no blood came out but instead it looked like the inside of his body was white play-doh.
Pinkie was slightly shocked at this, this was somewhat strange even by her standards but Pumpkin Cake latched right onto the cut arm and started sucking on it with a vice like grip. "Om nom nom" she says. "Oh no no no" Pinkie Scolded "Some things you eat aren't easy to replace you know."
Paul felt his internal anatomy rearranging, his hand just morphed out of the 'hole' as he looked at Pumpkin Cake "Can you get her off of me?"
Pinkie tried pulling her off and then looked sheepish. "Pumpkin has Unicorn blood and is very strong as well as prone to bursts of magic. I usually lose arguments with her. We have to be indirect." Pinkie couldn't stay serious for more than a minute and started getting hyper. "Oh well flour time." Pinkie quickly covers Paul in very fine icing dust which makes him slippery so the filly can't get a grip. Then she laid down a trail of chocolate sauce from the arm to another treat so the filly was distracted and let go of Pauls' arm to devour the treat.
Paul smiled as he nommed on his finger "Thanks for that." he said, holding out his other hand, "You want a taste? Better than any cup cake you've ever made."
Pinkie giggles and then licks the arm with a long thin soft tongue. Then giggles again and nibbles a bit. "Hmmm pasty and tasty... Ooo try my mane does it taste of candy floss? Someone said it smelt like that once."
"Eh...no, I don't think I will." he said nomming on his hand some more.
"I dunno, how much foreplay do you want?" said Pinkie. "Ooh why did I say that? Hey wait a minute whaddya mean BETTER THAN MY CUPCAKES?"
"I meant what I said, I'm ****ing tasty." he says sticking out his tongue.
"Its Bucking tasty. Well Mister seeing as you're so tasty and creamy... like I said I want you to help out with the next cupcake I make. Its going to be the best ever." Pinkies' smile had now become slightly manic and she pulled out an extremely large baking tray.
Paul shook his head "No, I don't do cooking."
Pinkie looked positively peeved. "You're saying that my cooking is bad and you don't want to play with me! Is that it?"
"No, I just don't like cooking myself. It get too hot, I get all sweaty."
"But I wanna see what you taste like with chocolate and sprinkles all over.
"Ah...well then." he said pushing his foot into her face "Taste that."
"Ugh thats been on the floh."
Paul didn't feel like doing this and got up and dusted himself off. He turned round to see that the front door had been bolted and all the curtains drawn. Pinkie was now sat in a corner, her mane seemed to have lost its curls and fluffiness and was pressed flat against her head.
"Uhhh Miss Pie, I'd like to leave here now please."
She turned round slowly, her pupils had shrunk to small dots.
"Pinkie Pie isn't here right now Mrs Torrance. You've made her upset, when she's upset she goes away and I get to come out and play. Say hello to Pinkamena."
"Hello," said Paul.
"Pikameema game," said Pumpkin Cake.
Pinkamena moved purposefully to the exit and stared at Pumpkin Cake. "Yes, we have come out to play a few times in front of Pumpkin Cake, she knows what to do."
At a signal from Pinkie, Pumpkin Cake used the chocolate fountain hosepipe to lather Paul in chocolate. He was then sprinkled with various sweets.
"Hey come on, jokes over." Paul tried to escape but slipped. Pinkamena pulled a rope out of the wall (stocked all over Equestria in case of rope emergency) and in a move that would have made Applejack jealous, trussed him up and hog tied him.
"Pikameema game.Buh buh buh buh bakey," said little Pumpkin Cake.
"Time to join the party," says Pinkamena as she hauls the chocolate coated Paul into a gigantic baking dish.
"HELP!" yelled Paul.
Pinkamena shushes him. "If you do that I shall have to spray your throat with detergent, and that will ruin the flavor."
Paul tried to keep quiet as he was shoved into the heavy duty oven.
Pinkamena went to feed Pumpkin Cake some milk and then got a copy of the Foal Free Press and read it, whistling loudly while muffled screams and banging came from the oven.
After about forty minutes all is silent and she went to the oven door and pulled out the massive dish, the chocolate had been baked into the fur and was hardening rapidly.
"Another coating of chocolate some more sprinkles and we're good to go."
"I told you, I don't like getting hot." said Paul.
"Oh, you're still conscious." said Pinkamena.
Pinkamena licks her lips and opens her mouth wide, her gums and throat are a much deeper shade of pink than her fur. She gobbles and sucks at Pauls foot, then becomes over excited and bites it clean off. "Oh whoopsy" she says sarcastically.
"You really are a bitch you know that?" said Paul through a clenched jaw.
The baking had hardened Pauls internal dough making him lose the ability to morph and even to move around. The changes in biochemistry from the heat could take months to repair and it pissed him off. Unfortunately for him the flavors it brought out were heavenly and it gave him the texture of slightly melted bonfire toffee.
Pinkamena closed her eyes in bliss and tried to repress Pinkie Pie from coming to the surface. She smiled slightly "That is delicious, truly delectable. I'm surprised that you're talking though, didn't that hurt?"
"I don't feel pain from anything except high temperatures anymore. You could even chew me alive if you wanted too. I'm just one giant sweet." he said.
Pinkamena got an even wider smile. "Ohh you're a superific friend after all, I bet you taste even better inside me than the masktone marzipan mystery." She opened her mouth a lot wider than seemed possible and took in the entire leg, her gullet expanding. The ponies mouth was eager to consume the rest of the body.
Paul thought some evil thoughts. "Well good to hear I guess." he said, as he was hauled up in her maw, gravity helping her swallow him down as he got waist deep
Pumpkin Cake came and bit off the other leg that was protruding and hadn't got inside Pinkies Mouth properly "Om nom NOM" she said defiantly. This enabled Pinkie to get her mouth around the Torso properly. She sucked and gobbled, licking the chocolate off, fur came away in clumps and dissolved like candy floss. He continued to melt in her mouth, his leg was all the way down her oesophagus She couldn't very well use her hooves to grip and push him in so she leaned Paul against the wall and clambered up, her mouth expanding and drool escaping until the lips reached the upper chest.
Paul smiled and wiggled about for her "Well I hope I make you nice and full." he said chuckling to himself.
"Oo ill doo," Pinkie said as she expanded her throat to gigantic proportions and pushed his head in with her hoof and finally swallowed. Poof, her hair became curly and bouncy again. She collapsed on the floor of sugarcube corner with a massive expanded Belly. Pumpkin Cakes Belly was similarly extended from munching on Pauls extremities. Pinkie Pie licked her lips in contentment.
Paul sat around in her stomach, still conscious but not really able to do much as he quietly plotted revenge.
Pinkie Pie was lounging around on a chair in the public section of sugarcube corner when she let out a long loud wet fart.
"Oh gracious," she said, her cheeks started to turn pink with embarrassment but then gave up as there wasn't much point.
The next rectal refrain created a vile eggy stench in the air.
Pinkie Pie opened all the windows.
She tried to sit down, the next fart sounded like a curtain being slowly ripped in twain, it lasted for a good three minutes, leaving Pinkie Pie temporarily speechless. She considered taking some special powder when the next massive fart lifted her out of her seat.
"Wow, these flankside flatulents are louder than flugle horns what would the Cakes think if they were here?" Baby pumpkin cake found it hilarious and joined in with gusto. She used the gas bombs to launch herself off the floor.
"I'm glad you're having fun Pumpkin Cake but I need to take care of this little problem."
She went upstairs to the bathroom clutching her stomach. "Wow I must have eaten a lot today."
She looked around the bathroom. "Oh dear I'll have to use the rubbish bin, the toilet is way too small to handle this load."
She balanced carefully on the bin raising her tail in the air and let loose. Poo blasted from her as she sighed in relief. It came out of her in a long continuous stream. She cut a massive turd that was like a sausage being squeezed from a machine. The colon cobra reached her body length before gravity broke it in two and she continued to push out the ginormous turd.
Eventually, gasping, she stopped and turned round. "Oh wow... my poo is blue."
"Yes thats the color I turn when I react with stomach acids," replied the poo.
Pinkie Pie was dumbfounded, "did somebody say something?"
"Yes I did, now what are you planning to do with me?"
"Oh Sweet Celestia my shit is talking to me!"
"Yeah but at least I don't talk shit. I'm still conscious now what are you going to do with me?"
"Who are you?"
"What!? Don't you remember a certain Paul, a certain raccoon who you gobbled up this morning?"
Pinkie Pie seemed puzzled, "I vaguely remember a strange creature who we saw in everfree. I think he left, what happened?"
"You ate me is what happened, yours truly is sitting in a bin, courtesy of miss Pie."
"Well that was silly of me, I don't remember doing that."
"Great, I get stuck with the schizo pony on my first adventure in a new world."
Pinkie Pie frowned a little and then looked glum.
"Hey listen," said the shit, "You can make it up to me. If you hadn't noticed my special powers can make ponies fart. I can make them fart in different colours and smells too."
"So what? Hey wait a minute you must get eaten for that to happen what are you complaining about?"
"You baked me first you asshole, its painful."
"Don't talk to me like that you lump of shit!"
The shit started to steam, "I want something to do, I enjoy little jokes. One of them might be saying howdy to the proprietors next time they come to take a whizz."
Pinkie Pie wasn't sure how to handle being blackmailed by excrement in a container. "Wait, jokes, you mean practical jokes? I love pranks, why didn't you say so?"
"I was thinking maybe that blue pony could eat me."
"Hey I could use the substance as a secret ingredient for some special cupcakes for Rainbow Dash."
"yeah yeah, give me to Rainbow Dash, make her gassy too."
"Ooooh I just LOVE pranks, especially pranking Rainbow Dash. I am the funniest pony in Equestria, I use my stomach to digestia."
Pinkie Pie did another shit and used the substance to make blue icing for some cupcakes.
Pinkie Pie eventually got some mail to RainBow Dashes cloud home. The Blue Mare came over at hypersonic speeds at the prospect of a special feast.
Paul still sat around waiting for something fun and/or interesting to happen.
The blue pegasus landed outside sugarcube corner and peeked in.
"Do you want to come inside Rainbow Dash?"
"Yes," said Rainbow Dash.
"Yes," said Paul.
Pinkie Pie blinked and smiled extremely widely for a minute before continuing. Rainbow Dash entered.
"Hi Rainbow Da..." She Farted very loudly. "Ohh"
"Pinkie what is it? Eww what have you been eating? Also you said you had a treat for... cupcakes! I havent forgotten the time you gave me a cupcake." ; Pinkie Farted massively; "With worms in it, I'll never get that taste out of my mouth."
"Oh come on Rainbow Dash I'll tell you what the secret is, these will help you produce smoke from your tail like the wonderbolts do."
"Seriously! How?" Rainbow Dash sniffed at one of the cupcakes cautiously and gave it a lick.
Paul always tasted delicious whether in the form of shit or his normal self. Even now he still tasted great.
"Well the icing you used seems Okay and its in my color too."
Rainbow Dash grins, "Aww thanks Pinkie I shoulda trusted you, I'm sure you wouldn't make the same mistake twice" Dashie nommed down the entire batch of cupcakes unable to stop. "and this will have me producing smoke from my tail like the wonderbolts... I wonder how?"
Pinkie sniggered manically, "well you'll certainly have things emitting from your rear end I wasn't kidding about that."
Paul continued on going from his normal self, to shit, to icing all in one day.
Rainbow Dash bought more cupcakes from Pinkie, including a batch that she said Pumpkin Cake had 'contributed' to.
Once all of Paul was transferred to her stomach he began his work.
Rainbow Dash landed in the market of Ponyville to buy some stuff, as she landed she let out a satanic buttock buster that reverberated around the town. Utterly humiliated she took off and fled for her cloud home.
She soon found out what Pinkie had meant by smoke as she started letting out berry blasts of buttock brewery.
"Hey Rainbow Dash can you make your farts match your mane?"
"I knew you could do sonic rainbooms but this is ridiculous."
"Watch out she's gonna make sonic booms as she flies."
Rainbow Dash sighed miserably, "This is terrible, I can't show my face in civilised society."
She lay stretched out in a green field in the middle of nowhere.
"Oh well, seeing as I'm nowhere near civilisation I might as well relieve myself and enjoy it."
She lay back, lifting both hind legs in the air, pointing her ass skyward. She pulled her tail back and it swept the ground. With her slim tight vulva exposed to the world and the buttock cleft widening she let out a long loud luxurious fart. Various colored clouds escaped and the pitch and tone varied. It lasted about five minutes.
"Well that feels much better, thank goodness nopony was around to see."
She flew off.
A few minutes later Scootaloo came out of hiding from behind the long grass with her video camera and pumped the air cheering herself.
Rainbow Dash tried flying to town when the urge started again. she didn't like passing gas in mid-air, especially now that it was visible so she landed, then let out an unbelievably massive fart which made her butt vibrate like an alarm bell, she moved around farting, killing a few butterflies and causing an earthquake in a different country.
She didn't mind sometimes as the farts smelt sweet, sometimes like banana and sometimes like... cupcakes!
It was a prank. That evil pony has gone too far this time she thought
While plotting revenge she took a dump in the Everfree forest passing most of Paul out into the region where they found him to begin with.
After a few weeks Paul eventually reformed into his normal self, looking around and standing up "Hmph...that was an interesting experience." He shrugged, looking around, "How am I supposed to get back?"
"THE ONLY WAY IS THROUGH FIRE" Princess Celestia, Ruler of Equestria descended from the sky. "I can send you back to your universe but you must be temporarily made into smoke."
Paul shrugged a bit "Nah...I don't smoke."
"Then you are free to become a denizen of the everfree forest with all that that implies. If you ever change your mind call upon me... seriously it won't hurt, my pet phoenix filamena does it all the time."
Paul went to Ponyville and bought an outrageous purple hat with a feather in it. He bought a ridiculous purple cape with gold trimming. He had reformed with one eye and two digits missing. For his remaining extremities he bought several chunky gold rings with oversized gems, a massive thick gold chain for his neck and various arm bracelets. He also put on a second chain with a gold plate name tag that said Paul.
Thoroughly decked out with Bling he looked around for somewhere to stay that was near to Everfree but not right in it. Various ponies directed him to Fluttershy's cottage. He stayed at a B&B for a few nights, sometimes taking walks and lifting up his cape with his paws so he could shit in the public water supply.
Eventually he visited Fluttershy.
"Oh you poor thing coming all the way from another world, oh goodness that must be scary. I can feed you and look after you."
"Can I be a guest at your house?"
Fluttershy nodded enthusiastically.
Ahhh thought Paul, my troubles are over. Most of these ponies are fine. I must have got the only one in this world with a repressed personality disorder and murderous intentions. Yes I'll be absolutely fine with this one.
"There is one teensy little thing," said Fluttershy.
"Whats that?"
"Stay out of my shed."
