It is a good day today. The weather isn't the nicest, but it's a good day nonetheless. Hell, the weather didn't even matter to Patrick Stump, lead singer of the rock band Fall Out Boy. The big concert that he was preparing for was indoors anyway, a bit of rain won't hurt.
The concert was packed full as was expected. Full of thousands of screaming fans waiting to see their idol perform live.
Patrick was currently in his recording studio with the rest of his band members, an hour's drive away from the theater in which his concert was being held.
"Patrick," bassist Pete Wentz called from across the studio "get over here, no time for fooling around. We're out of here in a few hours."
Patrick was busy admiring himself in a gigantic mirror that was almost as large as his ego.
"Looking sleek there, Stump," he thought to himself as he ignored Wentz's pleas "maybe one day you'll look as good as that damn guy from that other band. What was his name? Brendon Urie or something like that."
Wentz strided across the studio and slapped Stump on his shoulder, snapping him from his moment of self-praise.
"Stump! Didn't you hear a word that I said?" he snapped "We've got to get to rehearsing before the concer-"
Wentz is abruptly cut off by a harsh grinding noise as a large blue box materializes in the middle of the studio.
"What... what... what..." Wentz fumbles in amazement
A set of doors on the strange contraption - was it a police box of some sort? - swing open.
A strange man peeks his head out of the box and, seeing no threats, fully exits his "transportation."
"How... did... no... no..." Wentz stumbles and passes out, limply falling to the floor
"Hello, I'm the Doctor," says the man that came out of the blue box "sorry about your friend, I usually get those kinds of reactions form humans."
"You're a Doctor? Doctor who? How did you get here... in that police box... thing?" another of the band members asks, frozen where he stands by the shock of what just happened.
"One question at a time please," the Doctor says, not missing a beat "I'm simply the Doc-"
"You're the Doctor, the last of the Time Lords," Stump mutters "you've come here in your TARDIS, which is a time machine that is permanently disguised as a blue police box because the Chameleon Circuit is broken beyond repair"
"Actually, the Chameleon Circuit is perfectly repairable," the Doctor corrects "I like the TARDIS this way! I've just one question, how do you know all of that stuff about me?"
"Because I am awesome. Really, really awesome" Stump cooly and truthfully responds
"Fair enough," the Doctor replies "if I can be the Doctor, you can be the... er... Awesome. No, that's not fitting... what is your name?"
"My name is Patrick Stump, and I am cool. I was born in Awesometown, Awesomeville, Awesome City, Illinois" Stump says, perhaps SLIGHTLY exaggerating his place of birth, which was awesome nonetheless
"Nice to meet you. I was on my way to Barcelona - the planet, not the city - when the TARDIS abruptly brought me here. I haven't the slightest idea why," the Doctor continues "but I should tell you about a danger that is present in this very studio since I'm here."
"No danger is too dangerous for me, Doctor," Stump responds without even flinching "my coolness tends to ward off potential danger."
"Yeah well this is a danger that coolness alone, as much coolness as you may have, cannot stop." the Doctor says, hardly even noticing Stump's gigantic ego
"So Doctor, what's the danger?" Stump says, still looking at the mirror and admiring himself
"A portal. A portal to another world. In this very studio." the Doctor warns "Do NOT. I repeat, do NOT go through the portal. It leads to a world where there are colorful little equines that are just waiting to dissect you"
One of the band members finally gets past the initial shock of the large blue police box that materialized randomly in the middle of the studio.
"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!" He shouts, extremely confused and pinching his arm repeatedly to assure himself that he is not dreaming
"I really, REALLY need to get to Barcelona," the Doctor calls, rushing inside of his TARDIS "Kbye and remember, stay away from the portal or you'll diiiiieeee!"
One dematerialization later, the blue spacecraft disappears, leaving Stump and 3 nauseous and/or unconcious band members behind.
=================================================================================================
Stump knows what he must do. He immediately locates the portal in the studio and runs right through it. As Stump emerges from the other side, the portal seals shut behind him. Oh well.
Stump looks around, studying his surroundings. He's in some sort of ornate building, a palace or a castle, perhaps. He calmly walks away from the dark corner that held the portal and starts down what appears to be a primary hallway.
"You there! Stop!" Shouts a voice from up ahead
Stump instantly identifies the voice as belonging to a... colorful, talking pony.
A colorful, talking, flying pony clad in armor and wielding a spear.
"Stop," the equine repeats "and identify yourself, in the name of Celestia!"
"Iamreallyreallyreallycool" Stump mutters
"What did you say, creature?! Identify yourself or be destroyed"
"I SAID. I. AM. REALLY. COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL. OH MY GOD I AM COOL AND I HAVE THE SECOND-BEST VOICE IN THE UNIVERSE!" Stump shouts while still managing to keep his ultra-cool poker face on
"Second only to that one guy from that other band. His name was Brandon or Brendon or something. Brendon Urie I think." He mutters as an afterthought
One hit to the head with the blunt part of a spear later, Stump wakes up in what he identifies as a throne room, bound to a metal chair via strong leather straps around his wrists and legs. He sees a relatively tall equine being standing before him, flanked by two of the guards that had knocked him out earlier.
After doing some amazingly quick calculations with his superbrain, (Which is the second-fastest brain in the universe. Second only to that one guy from that other band. Brendon Yawree or Urie or whatever his name was) Stump came to the conclusion that the creature's name must be:
Princess Celestia
"O hai thar," says the magical horse "I'm Princesh Celeschea"
"I know, my mind works approximately 100,000 times faster than yours" Stump responds without a single trace of bragging
"Ur gunna be dissected broo," Celestia said "t'was nice knowin' ya while et lested."
"Wait!" Stump put in quickly to buy his supermind the trillionth of a second that it needed to produce a solution "We humans have a ritual that you must respect. We always dissect our aliens at the rim of a volcano. It is ancient tradition."
"K broo we r gunna put u et tha volcano rim nooooooow" the Sunhorse said, buying into Stump's plan
At the rim of the volcano, Stump is strapped down and about to be dissected by the evil sun equine and her minions. He casually breaks the leather bindings that hold him down and stands up.
"Celestia, could you please stand closer to the rim of the volcano?" Stump asks like a sweet little angel
"Shure thang, babe," Celestia replies, standing as close to the mouth of the volcano as physically possible.
This is it. Patrick pulls out his microphone cannon and shouts some copyrighted yet awesome lyrics at the Sunhorse. The sonic force from Stump's intense vocals sends the Sunhorse plummeting off of the edge and into the mouth of the volcano.
lel shulestia died the end lolololololol xD le ebin :^)
Stump dives down into the volcano after the Sun Princess, to catch a ride on the magical explosion
that follows her demise. The magical force sends Stump hurling through the atmosphere like a rocket.
"Thnks Fr Th Mmrs" Stump calls out as he travels through the sky until finally exiting the atmosphere and coming to rest in vacuum.
Patrick, risking suffocation, immediately grabs his emergency eyeliner stick and smears some of the stuff all over his face to prevent oxygen loss. With his original plan of flying back to Earth via space failed, Stump decides to return to the planet below.
With the concert starting anytime now, the odds of Patrick returning to Earth are not in his favor. A magical purple equine named Tightwad Sparky or something tries to comfort Stump, but he knocks the poor mare out cold with an expertly-aimed rock to the skull.
With all hope seemingly lost and Stump's amazing talents useless in this world of mad creatures that would love to dissect him, he begins to do what a peasant would call "weeping."
A sound suddenly breaks up Patrick's chorus of wailing.
A familiar sound.
A grinding sound.
Patrick lifts his head out of his hands as he looks to see it. The TARDIS, and not a moment too soon. Materializing.
"That psycho in the box came to rescue me!" He exclaimed in disbelief
The doors to that time-travelling box swung open as the Doctor stepped outside.
"Barcelona at last!" the Doctor said after a deep inhale
"Hold on a minute," he continued, kneeling to the ground to taste the soil "this isn't Barcelona..."
Before the good ol' Doctor could get his wits back together, Stump plucked a rainbow-maned equine out of the sky to keep as a waifu and quickly bolted through the doors and into the TARDIS.
Slamming the door shut behind him, Stump fired up the spaceship at the protests of the Doctor, who was locked outside and banging on the door frantically.
At last, the ship materialized. Stump kicked the door open and rushed through, only slightly late for the concert, which was already halfway through the first song. Stump literally pulled a guitar out of thin air and began to play with one arm, still holding his understandably confused Rainbow-pony waifu in the other.
It was then that he looked around.
The concert had started without him.
He had been replaced by...
No.
It couldn't be.
It was.
That one guy.
From that other band.
Brendon Urie.
Also, the Earth had been overrun by ponies and 80% of the human population was dissected.
The end.
Author's Note
Thank my faggot of a friend for doing this. I just agreed to post it for him.
*POV change inbound*
we first-person nao
You are Patrick Stump.
And you are FURIOUS.
Brendon Urie thinks that he can just waltz up on stage and steal your show.
YOUR show.
You were only a few minutes late for the concert! The nerve of this guy!
You still have the rainbow pony from last chapter in your hands, and it's still as confused as ever.
Out of anger, you toss the rainbow pony on the stage like a ragdoll, lift the TARDIS from its resting place on the stage with one arm, rip open a portal that leads straight into the time vortex with your free arm, and hurl the blue box in.
The portal seals shut with a blinding flash of white light.
The crowd doesn't even notice.
They didn't notice when you materialized out of thin air in the TARDIS.
They didn't notice when you swaggered out of the double doors, carrying a confused Rainbow Dash in your arms.
They didn't notice that this was supposed to be Fall Out Boy's show.
They didn't notice that this wasn't supposed to be another Panic! At The Disco concert.
They didn't notice the blinding light as you tore a rift right into the heart of time.
One thing held their attention.
A man.
No, a god among men.
No, a god.
Brendon Urie.
He stands there in front of a microphone.
Strumming an acoustic guitar.
(cue music http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zouSojyIi94)
He starts singing.
If all our life is but a dream,
Fantastic posing greed,
Then we should feed our jewelery to the sea.
For diamonds do appear to be,
Just like broken glass to me.
You think to yourself, "Ha! That's not even a good song, Urie. Golden was much more emotional. Score one for Fall Out Boy."
It's a blatant lie.
You know this.
You know that even Golden is utter shit compared to the class of Northern Downpour.
You know that your band could never compete with this music.
It hurts so much.
You scoop up the rainbow pony that you discarded a few minutes earlier and sling it over your shoulder.
Urie just keeps singing.
Refusing to acknowledge your presence.
You glare at him, but the glare quickly softens.
And softens.
And softens.
And you smile.
Damn it!
You shake your head to snap yourself out of the daze.
You should have known that Brendon would try to melt your mind with his hotter-than-the-sun hotness.
You're going to kill his ass.
That fine ass.
So shapely.
So smooth...
boner pls stahp
stahp
STAHP
SNAP OUT OF IT!
You jolt yourself out of the trance.
It's Pete Wentz's fault that Urie is famous.
It's Pete Wentz's fault that Urie is better than you.
It's Pete Wentz's fault for giving Urie a chance.
It's Pete Wentz's fault for-
Speak of the devil.
Pete shuffles up to you.
"Stump, where the hell have you been?! You missed the concert! You've messed it all up! All of our practice is for nothing!"
You sigh. Thanks for pointing out the obvious, Mr. Emo-tron.
"Pete, I was in magical pony land. I just couldn't make it to the concert in time. Besides, it's your fault that Brendon is famous and better than us."
Wentz's expression goes from one of annoyance to one of disbelief.
"You... you CAN'T be blaming me for all of this! How arrogant can you be, Stump? Do you think that you're the alpha dog and o-o-omegalomania-ah-ac here? You screwed the entire show up, don't you DARE blame anyone else for-"
"Shut up, Pete."
You grab the rainbow pony that you carried on your shoulder, hold it by the tail, and swing it straight at Wentz's head.
CRACK!
It hits the mark.
Wentz's body falls to the floor, limp.
He's dead.
Oh well, it's not like he had a real role in the band anyway.
You can easily add songwriting to your list of tasks.
You return the pony to your shoulder, do a 180 and swagger off the stage.
You pay no attention to Urie's singing, nor the captivated crowd.
You have one thought on your mind:
Revenge.
A motto from a cool game comes to mind, "Revenge solves everything"
It's time to strike back.
It's time to stop being second-best to Brendon Urie.
It's Time To Dance.
...and you also have to figure out what you're going to do with this pony.
You are Princess Twilight Sparkle.
And your johnnies are jangled something fierce.
This alien came to your home.
He put the entire planet in a state of disarray.
He clunked you over the head with a rock when you were but a lowly unicorn peasant.
He foalnapped Rainbow Dash.
He also offed Princess Celestia, if that even matters.
You had been plotting to relive Sunbutt of her duites for months, so YOU could become the princess that everyone bows down to.
Stump only did you a favor.
Now that you've ascended to alicorn status, you are the BOMB.
Woooh, no rules.
You basically run all of Equestria, because Luna is useless and no one really cares about her.
Even though you were planning Celestia's demise, her death was a major shock to you.
She had been your teacher.
You had put everything you could give into making her proud.
And now...
She was gone.
You sit in your throne, and watch as a small group of ponies enter through the throne room's gigantic double doors.
You see Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy (lol so original and shy), and Pinkie Pie approach your throne and kneel.
"Arise, chickun, arise." You say, and the ponies rise to their hooves.
You take a few moments more to study the four ponies that stand in front of your throne.
Their eyes are bloodshot.
They haven't slept in days.
They've neglected all of their duties.
Even Pinkie Pie wasn't her usual self.
She stood there with a deflated mane, on the verge of tears.
It's time to act like you care.
"Alright peasants, you all know why I've called you here. A terrible act of treason has been commited against Equestria. As subjects of the Twilight Sparkle Empire, this disastrous act is your concern."
They all seem to keep quiet, which is good. You've finally trained them to speak only when given permission.
"As you know, our late Guardian of the Sun, Princess Celestia, has been murdered by an alien that calls himself the 'King of Punk Pop.'"
"Obviously, the title is false and self-proclaimed, because it is common knowledge that Brendon Urie is the one and only King of Punk Pop. No, wait... let's just call Urie the God of Punk Pop. Let Stump be the King of Punk Pop. God > King > Unicorn > Pegasi > Earth Pony."
"Your beautiful and pure princess has developed a sure-fire plan to bring this cold-hearted killer to justice and to also reclaim our stolen "friend," Rainbow Dash."
You have their full attention now.
"We are going to open a portal to the human world and knock the stuffing out of this inferior King of Punk Pop. Do you lowly plebeians agree with this plan? Not that it matters, you really don't have a choice."
One by one, the ponies nod their heads in approval of your horrible plan.
"Sounds simple as apples 'ta me" says Applejack
"Okie dokie lokie! Whatever you say, Princess Tyrant Sparkle!" says Pinkie Pie, her mane re-bubbling itself as she hops around in circles a few times.
"don't tease me guise im shy xDDD" says Fluttershy (lol so original and shy).
"Faaaab-ulous!" Rarity adds.
You perk up at the wave of agreement, and you almost feel like you could sincerely call these inferior ponies your friends.
Better purge that feeling ASAP.
"It is settled then. We set hoof for the human world in the morning."
You are Patrick Stump. Again.
You've settled down in your house after a long evening of trying to figure out what to do with your newly acquired pony.
You've tried everything.
You used the pony to swat a fly.
You used it as a towel after your evening shower.
You used it to keep a nice stack of papers in place.
You caught a glance... back there... and came to the conclusion that it was a she.
The pony didn't seem to serve a real purpose though.
All she did was complain about how your hands are "too cold" and how you are a "freaky alien from another planet" and how you "didn't have the right to foalnap her."
You would simply tell her "I don't care what you think, as long as it's about me. The best of us can find happiness in miii-iii-iiisery."
You sigh, set down your evening newspaper, and look at the pony that is sitting two seats away from you on the sofa.
"What do you normally do? You don't seem to have any purpose."
She huffs and glares at you.
"I do all sortsa awesome stuff! I'm the fastest flier in all of Equestria, and I control the weather in Ponyville! The only reason that I'm not being awesome is because YOU," she jabs an accusing hoof at you "are using me to do not-awesome things!"
You sigh for literally the trillionth time today.
"I just thought that you would make a good paperweight, that's all. Look, I'm sorry for kidnapping you and stuff. I just wanted to have a pony of my own."
You've given up on being really cool for the mostpart. Now you're just wallowing in self-pity. Talking to this equine is helping a bit, however.
She sniffs.
"Y-yeah, whatever... don't mention it."
You sigh for the trillionth + 1 time today. This pony seems pretty bro. Maybe she could help you get back at Urie for stealing your show.
"Hey, pony..."
"The name's Rainbow Dash."
"Right, well... Rainbow Dash, would you like to help me do something awesome?"
Her ears perk up at the last word.
"How awesome?"
"I want you to help me fight... a god... THE God."
This elicts a small squeal from the pegasi that is seated next to you, but she puts on an unconcerned expression to hide it.
"Sorry creepy alien guy, but I don't know if that's awesome enough for yours truly."
"What if I told you that this god that I speak of is the very essence of awesomeness, and coolness, and radicalness, and overall badassery? What if I told you that if he were to be... relieved of his power, you would officially become the coolest pony EVER to live?"
"T-that doesn't sound too bad... I guess I could help you out. Soon as I hear the plan, of course."
"So you're a possible candidate?"
She grins at this.
"You betcha, Mr. Creepy Alien Guy!"
"Just... call me Patrick."
"Sure thing, Patrick!"
You hold out your fist, and the pegasi throws herself into the fist-to-hoof-bump.
Patrick Stump, master of making friends.
Silver-tongued charmer.
Pony pimp.
Awwwww yeah.
You are Brendon Urie.
And it is thursday.
Positive Hardcore Thursday, to be specific.
You point a camera at your face, shake your floppy hair, and scream.
"OHHHHHH YEAHHHHHH BEEN PRETTY HEALTHY MY WHOLE LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFE"
That should hold your 400,000 Twitter followers over for a few more days.
You know that you're better than these people.
You know that you don't have to bother entertaining them.
But you do it anyway.
Because you actually care about your fans, unlike 99.9% of celebrities.
Because you're an awesome guy.
You set the camera down and sigh.
"Well, it's time to get back to the studio, I guess."
Just as you go to grab your car keys, you notice another car pull up to your house.
From the sheer awesomeness radiating from it, you identify it as your friend Patrick's car.
He steps out, carrying a colorful pony. What is he even doing with that thing? Flying ponies are such a handful!
He walks up to your door and raps on it a few times. Hah, raps. You could be a rapper if you wanted to.
"Come in!"
He opens the door, enters with pony in arms, and leaves the door wide open.
You chime in with a "Haven't you people ever heard of closing the goddamn doo-"
You're cut off by the pony, who is all flying up in your face now. Uncool, man.
"Alright, who's flank are we kickin'?! Is it YOU?!"
"F-flank? Uh, I don't know what you're even talking about. Who's kicking who?"
You look at Stump, who is glaring daggers at you.
"You've stolen my show for the last time, Brendon. I've come to claim my rightful title. No longer will I be but a king of punk pop, but the God of Punk Pop."
such tension
much challenge
wow
As a light flashes outside of your house and a small handful of ponies appear, neither you nor Patrick are aware that this confrontation is just the Calm Before The Storm.
CONTINUED
