Daddy,
It's me, Dashie. Though I guess it's kinda stupid for me to open this letter like that. Who else would call you daddy? I'd change that first sentence, but the more I look at it, the more it seems kinda appropriate that I leave it. It's just another thing I did wrong.
Mom suggested that I write this letter. I thought it was kinda silly, but you know how mom is. She'd never get off my back unless I went and did it. She insists it'll help. I guess we'll see.
Life has been pretty okay. I'm going to Wonderbolt Academy tomorrow. I'm really nervous. Of course, you're one of the only ones that I could ever say that to. You know how I am. Gotta keep that confident face up. Can't show a single crack in my armor. If other ponies think I'm weak, then I am weak, and all that stuff.
I miss Cloudsdale sometimes. Not that I can't visit it whenever I want. I mean, it's like a two minute flight for somepony who flies as fast as I do. It's not the same to just be visiting though. But at the same time, I'm really glad I got my house set up over Ponyville. If it weren't for that, I might not have met my friends, and I don't know where I'd be without them.
I'm sure you've heard about all the times my friends and I saved Equestria. I mean, how do you not hear about that? It's been a really wild ride, too. I mean, I figured everypony in Equestria would eventually know my name either way. I just kinda thought it would be for joining the Wonderbolts, or winning a big race, or inventing some crazy stunt that no other pegasus would be able to copy. Can't say I would have expected the whole "national hero" thing. Though you probably did. You always talked about how you knew I'd go on to do big things.
I'm glad you believed it, because there were plenty of times that I didn't. Let's face it, I screwed a lot of things up when I was a filly. Nopony looks at a filly who's just finished crashing into and ruining an entire vat of rainbow essence and thinks, "Hey, that kid's going places." Nopony sees a filly screw up barrel roll after barrel roll and says, "There's a future Wonderbolt."
Well, almost nopony.
But it's true. There was a good while there where I was just messing up everything I touched. Who wants somepony like that on their flying team? Who wants the pony who's gonna smash her face into something, or fly out of pattern and screw up their routine? Not the Wonderbolts. Not anypony.
Thank you for tolerating all of that. It takes a really patient pony to put up with what I was. Hay, Applejack sometimes says it takes a really patient pony to put up with what I am. Applejack's one of my friends, by the way. She's pretty cool. You two would probably get along.
So I guess this is the part of the letter where you'd think I'd apologize for what I was like. I don't apologize much. At all. Apologizing is admitting that you're imperfect, acknowledging that you've done something wrong. That's not usually my style.
But I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I was such a pain in the rump back then.
I'm sorry I'd always be running around and yelling early in the morning on the weekends, when you were trying to sleep in.
I'm sorry I embarrassed you in front of your friends that one time.
I'm sorry I accidentally broke your little model airplane, and I'm sorry I lied when you asked me if I did it.
I'm sorry I yelled at mom and told her I hated her when she wouldn't buy me that flight suit I wanted, and then told you the same thing when you sided with her.
I'm sorry I went behind your back and bought all those packs of Wonderbolt trading cards when you told me that I couldn't buy any more.
I'm sorry for generally being a bad kid, I guess.
And I'm sorry for all of those things because you weren't sorry for them.
Yeah, sure, you yelled from time to time. But I was lucky. Other fillies and colts had parents who wouldn't put up with that stuff. I was the lucky one who did these dumb things that made you mad and got away with a fair amount of them. Because no matter what stupid things I did, no matter how mad I'd get you, you'd never hold it against me in the long run, and you'd never be ashamed of me. You'd punish me, and then you'd tell me you still loved me. I'd yell back and say you were mean and the worst daddy ever, and you'd just sit and take it.
I didn't mean it when I said those things. I know you know I didn't, so I don't need to tell you that, but the fact is that I do need to tell you that, because I never told you that back then.
I never thanked you enough either. I'd thank you when you'd give me a present, or make me those awesome eggs you used to make for breakfast, or, you know, all the other little things you did. All the material things. I'd thank you for all of those. But what I really should have been thanking you for was the other stuff, the non-physical stuff that I couldn't display.
Thank you for dealing with my stupid fits and all the things I did that just ruined things. Thank you for being the cool dad that all my friends back then liked, the one that they'd all say was so great, even though I wouldn't agree with them because I was still mad over a punishment that I deserved. Thank you for constantly having my back when I needed it and asking for little to nothing in return. Thank you for always snapping me out of it when I'd get upset over something stupid I did.
See, and that's how great you are. If you were here right now, you'd be telling me that I don't need to say these things. You'd be saying that I didn't need to apologize, or thank you. If you were here right now, you'd wrap me in a big hug and tell me that those little things didn't matter, and what really mattered was that we loved each other, and that was that. And stupid me would probably get all upset at you because for this one brief moment I'm letting my guard down and letting my emotions spill out all over the place. And then you'd just smile and shake your head, and tell me that everything was okay, even though I didn't think it was. Because that's who you were.
I hope you're proud of what I've become. There are times that I'm not. Yeah, there are the good times, when I do something worth being proud of. But it's the moments in between that I'm not proud of. Sometimes I even feel like I'm letting you down. And that's when you would tell me that I'm being silly, and that no matter what I do, you'd always be proud of me.
If I think hard enough, I can hear you say it. But I try not to think that hard too often, because the more I think of your voice, the more I wish I could hear it for real one more time. Your voice in my head helps, but I want to hear it again for real. I can't think of anything I want more. I'd give up any chance I had of getting into the Wonderbolts if it meant I could just lean into one of your big Daddymonster hugs and hear you tell me that I shouldn't doubt myself. There's nothing I need more than that. It's hard needing something and knowing you can't ever get it again.
I'm going all over the place with this, so I should probably end here before I start writing the same things over and over. Though I'm pretty sure I've done that already.
Mom misses you. She's too strong to show it. She always says she's totally okay. I guess we know where I got that from. Either way, even if she won't say it when I'm around, she misses you. We both do. I'll try to do a better job of being around to help her. We both need it.
I'll let you know how Wonderbolt Academy goes. Looks like it's gonna be a tough class. But I know you'd say that I could handle it.
I miss you. I love you.
-Dashie
