Friendly Spirit
“Gee, guys, do you think we could have picked a worse day for this?” grumbled Scootaloo.
“It does kind of spoil the whole mood,” whined Sweetie Belle.
Yeah, the weather just doesn’t feel right,” admitted Apple Bloom. “But we’ll just have to make the best of it.”
It was, by almost any measure, a perfect day. It was an unseasonably warm and bright day, without a cloud in the sky and only a comfortable, light breeze. The air was filled with the sounds of joyous birdsong and the happy buzzing of insects among the wild flowers.
In terms of atmosphere, this day was just rotten. The three fillies were in the Ponyville Cemetery, preparing to contact the spirits of the dead.
“Are you sure that thing is actually going to work?” Scootaloo continued complaining.“It’s just an old rock Filthy Rich found in a curio stand. He probably remembered at the last minute he should bring Diamond something from his trip and bought it at the airship station gift shop.”
“No, it’s real,” insisted Apple Bloom. “Zecora has one just like it. I touched it just once, and I swear she was gonna jump right out of her skin! Zecora keeps it locked up now.”
The rock certainly looked like a real artifact. It was black, so black it seemed to suck the light out of the air and anyplace it was appeared to grow a little bit dimmer. It was also covered with strange characters, inlaid with white quartz. The characters were so spikey the looked more like crabs and spiders than symbols.
The rock was exactly the sort of thing the Cutie Mark Crusaders would find irresistible.
Diamond Tiara had brought the rock to class for Show-and-Tell. When Diamond carelessly left it behind on Miss Cheerilee’s desk Apple Bloom swiped it, and began to form a plan.
“Y’all learned the incantation I showed ya?” asked Apple Bloom, as she set the rock on the ground.
“I guess,” grumbled Scootaloo. “But it sounds pretty stupid. What’s this mean, anyway?”
Apple Bloom consulted the hand written card that came with the stone. “Somethin’ about hail and fire and snow, and then going to call the spirits, then looking far away and the friendly spirit will come to you. I can barely read the translation, that part’s smeared.”
“Gee, I don’t know if that makes any more sense than the incantation,” said Sweetie Belle.
“So, now what do we do?”
“We sing the incantation while circling counter-clockwise around the rock,” said Apple Bloom.
“Oh, I’m not doing that!” protested Scootaloo.
Sweetie Belle peered over Apple Bloom’s shoulder at the instruction card. “We have to touch hooves, and dance on our hind legs? Really?”
“What? Now I know this is fake,” exclaimed Scootaloo. “Some zebra made all that up just to make ponies look stupid.”
Apple Bloom could see she was losing them. If they were going to do this, drastic action was called for. She deployed her secret weapon.
“Girls, Ah understand if you’re afraid of spooks. You don’t have to make excuses if you don’t want to do this. Ah won’t call you chicken or anything.”
“What! Oh, you better not!” Scootaloo reared and extended her forelegs. “C’mon, you two, give me a hoof. Let’s just get this over with.”
The three fillies formed an unsteady circle, and part danced, part skipped, and part stumbled around the stone’s place on the ground. Together they sang the incantation.
“Een-ney, meen-ney, chill-ley, been-ney! Speak, spirits!”
Nothing seemed to happen. The sun continued to shine, and the birds went on singing.
“Look, that bush is moving!” cried Sweetie Belle. The others turned to look where she was pointing. Sweetie Belle began to tremble.
“No, children. That’s just the wind. There’s nothing there to be afraid of.” Whomever was speaking seemed to be right behind them.
The Crusaders slowly turned as one. There was nopony there.
“Hello. I hope I haven’t startled you.” The gentle, pleasant voice seemed to be coming from a shadow cast by a tombstone. “But you did summon me. Am I not what you were expecting?”
“I wasn’t actually expecting anything,” Scootaloo whispered to Apple Bloom out of the corner of her mouth. Apple Bloom hushed her.
“Um…Hello?” Sweetie Belle thought the moment called for one of them to say something, but this was all she could think of.
“Oh, don’t be shy, girls. I answered your summons, and I am at your service.” For a disembodied voice, the spirit seemed awfully nice. The voice reminded each of the fillies of a favorite uncle.
“Girls, do you know what this means?” asked Scootaloo.
They answered together. “Cutie Mark Crusaders Spirit Mediums!” They leapt up and did a three-way high hoof.
“Well, no. Nice try, but no.” A quick inspection confirmed that the voice was correct. Their flanks remained blank.
“Awww, what’d we do wrong this time?” Apple Bloom began to pout.
“Mainly, you didn’t follow all of the directions. RTBM, girls.”
“Do what now?” asked Sweetie Belle.
“Never mind. You were supposed to have a specific spirit in mind before you began, and you were to call on it by name.”
“This doesn’t say anything about that,” protested Apple Bloom, waving the instruction card in the rough direction of the voice.
“It’s written on the back.”
“Oh.” Apple Bloom turned the card over. “Sorry. My bad.”
“What you did was very dangerous. An open summons like that can be answered by anything that happens to hear you. Trust me, there are a lot of very bad things floating around.”
“Really?” squeaked Sweetie Belle.
“Oh, yes. Spirits generally continue to wander restlessly for a reason, you know. Why, we’re only a few yards from the grave of Meat Cutter. He murdered his wife in a drunken fit, and he’s still angry that they hung him for it. Just beyond that lies Weeping Willow, who hated everypony and died all alone. I could go on, but you get the idea.”
“Golly,” gasped Sweetie Belle.
“Come on, we aren’t afraid of any ghosts!” declared Scootaloo.
“But you should be. Anyway, it was lucky that I answered you.”
“What’s your name, spirit…I mean voice…er…?” Sweetie Belle trailed off.
“I can’t tell you my name. Sorry. A spirit’s true name gives the living power over them. I don’t want to sound like I don’t trust you, but we only just met. I’m not willing to grant you that kind of control. But you can call me…oh, how about ‘Bob’?”
“”Bob’?” Scootaloo tried not to laugh.
Sure. It’s a good name. It has a nice round, solid sound. You can trust a name like Bob.”
“Ah know a Bob,” mused Apple Bloom. “He’s a mule. Hard worker…nice fella…”
“Exactly. I’m sure you all know Bobs, and they’re all nice fellows. That’s how I want you to think of me. Call me Bob.”
“Ok, Bob,” said Scootaloo. “So, what can you do for us?”
“Since I answered the summons, I am obligated to answer one question. May I assume you already have a question in mind?”
The Crusaders answered as one. “How do we get our cutie marks?!”
“Really? You’re going to waste you one question on that? You know, the wiser ponies in your lives have already answered this a few times. It would have saved some trouble if you had paid attention.”
“Just answer the question, Bob,” said Scootaloo.
“Very well. You get your marks when what you are doing and what you are supposed to be doing become the same thing. There is the path you are on, and there is the path to your best destiny. When these paths merge your cutie marks will appear.”
The fillies stood in silence for a moment. Eventually, Apple Bloom spoke.
“We were kinda hopin’ for something more specific.”
Bob sighed heavily. “Look, I can answer your question. I can’t make you understand the answer. I’m sorry, but this is all I’m able to do with such a limited manifestation. Now if I had a solid host to occupy I could do much more. I could even give you all cutie marks. Mind you, taking the short cut I’d offer you would be a deviation from the path to your best destiny…”
“Wait, you can do that?!”
“You can give us our cutie marks?!”
“Why didn’t you say that in the first place?!”
Merry laughter rang from the shadow. “I love how that’s the only part of what I said that you heard. Yes, girls, I can give you a mark. But that will require an entirely different ritual, and a great deal of preparation.”
“Well, what are we waiting for?”
“What do we have to do?”
“Let’s get started!”
“Fine. You’ll have return tonight at moonrise. And you need to bring a friend, someone you don’t mind playing a little prank on. In the meantime, let me walk you through what I need you to set up…”
“This better be good!” sneered Diamond Tiara.
“Oh, I promise, Diamond, you’ll find this real ‘interesting,’” said Apple Bloom.
“And why are you all limping, anyway?”
“Um…we tripped?” said Sweetie Belle.
“Each of you? And you all hurt the same hoof?”
“Never mind that, just step right here. No, a little to the left. Or maybe it’s the right.” In the dark, Scootaloo wasn’t entirely sure where to guide her.
“I don’t know what you losers are up to, but…” Diamond Tiara did not get to finish her sentence. She froze as she was suddenly bathed in the sickly green light cast by a strange symbol drawn on the ground. She seemed trapped at the very center of it, and the light completely enveloped her.
Diamond Tiara screamed.
Before any of the Crusaders could react the light went out. Diamond began to stretch.
“Ah, that feels much better.”
“Bob?”
“In the flesh,” said Diamond Tiara. “Well, actually, in her flesh.”
“What did you do to Diamond?” demanded Apple Bloom.
“I sent her to take my place in the afterlife, while I walk this plane,” said Bob. “She was a little startled. Don’t worry about her. I believe we have some business to conduct.”
“You said it would be just like pulling a prank on her!” accused Sweetie Belle.
“It is just a prank. I think it’s funny, don’t you?” Bob seemed disappointed when the fillies didn’t laugh. “I promise, she won’t come to any harm. I wouldn’t allow that, now would I? I’m in here!”
“Gee, I don’t know…,” began Sweetie Belle.
“The sooner we begin, the sooner I can set her free. However, if you are that concerned about Diamond Tiara, we can forget about our deal, and I can set her free right now. I’m sure you will eventually get your cutie marks the old fashioned way…”
“Wait, wait, we’re ready!” cried Apple Bloom. The others nodded enthusiastically. “What do we have to do, now?”
“Now comes the easy part. You only have to answer one question honestly. Do you, of your own free will, accept the mark I offer you?”
“Yes!” cried the Crusaders.
“I have to ask again, just to be sure. Do you accept this mark I place on you?”
“Yes!”
“Once more, to be certain. Do you accept my mark?”
“YES!!!”
“Excellent!”
With that, the image of a hideous face appeared on each of the fillies’ flanks. The outline of the face burst into flames, and the little ponies fell to their knees in agony.
It was over in seconds. Then the cemetery was silent but for the sound of the fillies whimpering.
“It is done!” roared Bob. Then he laughed, and his laughter seemed to echo from everywhere.
“What’s done?” gasped Apple Bloom. “What did you do to us?”
“It’s not so much what I did as what you did. You accepted my mark. Now you belong to me.”
“What?!” cried Scootaloo, turning to look at her flank. “Hey! It’s gone!”
“Oh, the mark is still there, I assure you. But it will only appear when necessary. No pony can look upon my visage for long without going mad. It wouldn’t do for you to go out in public looking like that, now would it?”
“You gave us invisible cutie marks? What a gyp!”
“It’s cute that you think that’s the worst thing that has happened to you.”
“You cheater!” shrieked Apple Bloom. “You lied to us”
“I may have deceived you, but only because you helped by deceiving yourselves,” said Bob. “I never actually lied. For instance, you may recall I warned you that there were many bad things that might have answered your summons. I didn’t say there were worse things. There aren’t.”
“But…but…you said it was lucky you answered us!” Sweetie Belle began to cry.
“I did say that, and I’ll stand by that statement. I’m feeling very lucky tonight. You, on the other hoof, probably shouldn’t be.”
“What are you going to do to us?” asked Scootaloo.
“Nothing, if you serve me well. I will ask you to do some things you won’t like, but once you get over your squeamishness you should be fine. It will only become unpleasant if you defy me.”
“What happens if we defy you?” asked Apple Bloom.
“I will make you feel pain that normally only a soul trapped in the deepest pit of Tartarus could know. So don’t do that.”
“Oh.”
“Come on, girls, cheer up. It will be fun.”
None of the fillies dared ask just what Bob considered fun.
“I have no duties for you tonight, so you might as well go home. Try to get some rest, despite the inevitable nightmares. Tomorrow will be a busy day. You have to begin feeding my hunger.”
“How do we do that?” Scootaloo regretted asking this the moment she blurted out the question. She sensed that pricking their hooves wouldn’t be enough to satisfy Bob this time.
“Oh, that shouldn’t be too difficult. Try near Fluttershy’s cottage. She has so many little friends, I think she could spare a few. Or there’s that fat cat of Rarity’s. I don’t believe Rarity watches her very carefully. You’ll work it out, children. Use your imaginations.”
“Euwww!” exclaimed Apple Bloom. “The last thing I want to do right now is use my imagination!”
Bob laughed. It was not a merry sound. “I’m going to enjoy working with you girls. You amuse me.”
“What about Diamond Tiara?” asked Sweetie Belle.
“Oh, I’ll enjoy a few more moments of being solid, then I’ll let her go. She will be fine. But I tire. And I want a little alone time. You’d be surprised how crowded it is down there. So, what are you all still doing here? Your master has dismissed you. Are you trying to make me angry? Go!”
The Crusaders ran.
Once she was alone, Diamond Tiara shook herself, then shrieked.
“That. Was. Awful!!!”
“Sorry, dearie, but somepony has to hold my space while I manifest in the ‘real world’.” Bob spoke from a near-by shadow.
“That really hurt! Don’t you ever do that to me again!”
“First, don’t make demands, kid. Second, stop whining. Because of your ties to this plane, the living can never experience more than a small fraction of the torments of Tartarus. Trust me, it wasn’t that bad. So, shut up.”
“Fine. So, how did it go, anyway?”
“Just swimmingly.” Bob spoke from yet another shadow. “But those three are going to require close supervision. To be honest, I cheated them. They asked for too little, and all I gave them was snake oil.”
Diamond Tiara rolled her eyes. “So they’re stupid? What of it?”
“The bond isn’t as solid as I would like.” Diamond had to turn around to face Bob’s newest shadow. “There are still loopholes. They could still escape, if they figure it out. That would really suck.”
“Not likely. They’re idiots.”
“True,” agreed Bob. To Diamond’s frustration, he had jumped to yet another shadow. “But they have friends who are slightly less stupid than themselves. Also, looking into their souls, I see that they have a knack for getting out of trouble. We just can’t have that. You need to keep them away from the zebra and the librarian.”
“I can arrange that.”
“Good. They made out so badly, I really should give the Crusaders a nice consolation prize. Perhaps a set of fine steak knives.”
“A set of what?”
“Never mind. It wouldn’t be appropriate. I know, I’ll give them a supply of Oats-A-Roni! It’s the San Foalisco treat.”
It irritated Diamond Tiara that Bob was worried about the CMC, and not about her. “So, what about me?”
“You?! Oh, darling, I couldn’t give you your soul back if I wanted. Not after you bound yourself to me forever through the ‘betray-a-trusting-friend’ ritual.”
Diamond Tiara wiped away a tear. “Do we have to talk about that?”
“Too soon?”
“Yes.”
“Would it make you feel any better if I told you that Silver Spoon was delicious?”
“No.”
“Well, let’s just move on then. You have no worries. Unlike those three dimwits, you had ambition. You asked for so much more, and I promise to pay off. You are going to get everything you thought you wanted.”
“Really? Gee, thanks.”
“Oh, yes, and more. I will give you what I feel you deserve. All you have to do is keep your new recruiting staff in line, meet all your quotas, and get passing marks on your quarterly performance reviews. Sure, it’s a pyramid scheme, but the top of the pyramid actually gets paid, and that’s you! I foresee eternal damnation becoming Equestria’s biggest growth industry! I have a very good feeling about this. Well… ‘good’ is probably not the right word.”
Diamond Tiara had no comment.
“I can make you this promise as well. I will save you for last. Not until everything has been laid to waste, with everything else already consumed, and there is nothing left but you and me, only then will I eat your soul.”
Diamond Tiara remained silent.
“Don’t thank me now, but you will come to appreciate my promise in time.” There was a long pause. “We are not friends. I’m not capable of ever having any of those. But you are as close as I can get. I like you, Diamond. I think this is the beginning of a beautiful … partnership.”
“Whatever.”
